The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 39- My New Crush

Episode Date: October 12, 2020

Here's a fun episode to start your week! I talk about Football, my weekly goals, having a fat a$$, and review the new Bachelorette cast. Happy Monday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS https://soundcloud.com/robmonmusic 

Episode 39. Welcome back to the podcast. what's up guys it's Jacqueline happy Monday welcome back to the podcast podcast. I'm here to start your week off right. All right. I want to bring the motivation, the Monday motivation. I want to bring the energy. I want to bring the positivity. I want to bring all the good things. Today's Monday. I'm going to set my intentions this week with you guys. I'm going to go through all my goals this week. Sort of take this podcast seriously. You know, I like to keep it light and fun most days, but when it's Monday, I just feel like I got to take, I got to, I got to get my shit together. So, um, yeah, I've got a great podcast ahead today.

uh, how are you doing? How's your week going? What's up? Okay. So let's start things off with a thought I had about podcasting. This is the podcast where Jacqueline talks about podcasting, but here you go. A new thought. I'm involving you guys in every idea, every thought epiphany I have about being a daily podcaster. Now, this is what I had a thought about. I feel like everything has synced up and I've been training for this my whole fucking life because I've been posting if you guys followed me since I don't know like college I've been on snapchat making stories snap stories quirky funny content captions all that kind of stuff since college I've been doing that out of college just like in normal life now on instagram all day

long I'm talking about stories and now I'm like oh I'm just I'm elaborating on these little quirky I don't mean to call myself quirky I don't like to you know like I just know I'm different I'm different I'm just not I don't know what it is about me but there's something about me that is not I just I might I don't know I'm I'm just oh shit this is a train wreck I already want to start this over you get what I mean I post all this witty quirky shit on Instagram and now I get to elaborate on it on a podcast and um elaborate on my ideas that's what I mean so this makes sense it's like everything's synced up the universe is like 2020 is a shit show you're gonna get depression you're gonna go through it and then you're gonna come out the other side

seven days seven days a week with a headset on talking about your life and that's cool okay so just had to get that thought off my chest I just believe in myself so hard right now and I think that this is what I've been I was born to do and it feels great okay not he was crying did anyone just get emotional right there I know my mom did but I'm also like in my is this impressive mom are you impressed are you like jocelyn winner you know go work for amazon and have a 401k and like a normal secure job okay so let's talk about what I did yesterday start things off oh happy columbus day by the way apparently today is columbus day I looked up like what day is it today like every you guys don't know this but every podcast I'm fishing for a like a a day I

can you know how there's a national holiday every single day of the week of the year what am I saying um today I realized it's Columbus Day and uh so happy Columbus Day apparently I'll uh pull the info up here Monday October 12th Columbus uh arrival in the Columbus's arrival in America is October 12, 1492. I'm playing with a strand of my hair right now on camera. I'm so distracted. Go to YouTube to watch. I have a piece of hair. Guys, I straightened my hair and I wore it down today for the first time in so long. And I'm just playing with this. My hair is... Okay, I'm showing the camera. It is the length of this frame. The camera, like, look at that. that's gotta be a foot and a half long. No extensions. This is all me. Okay. Anyways. So

today's Columbus day. All right. Let's talk about what I did yesterday though. Let's get into it. It was football Sunday. As you know, I was pissed. I had a podcast. I showed up with the wet hair in my bathrobe. Like I just want to sit around and watch football today. I don't want to be doing this, but I showed up. I made you guys a podcast and then I watched football the rest of the day. So I got what I wanted. Um, uh, go Seahawks five and L baby. Uh, that was my, that was a later game, but I watched what were the first games I watched Cowboys and, um, forget who they played, who the Cowboys play giants, which I mean, Prescott is that their Cowboys is QB dislocated his ankle. Now he's out for the season. That's going to be interesting, but, um, I'm trying to

see who else I watched Raiders yeah I watched the Raiders game uh they won they beat Kansas City which is I don't know I I was just excited to watch the Seahawks I don't really care about the other teams but dude when he just when Dak Prescott Dak Prescott that's his name Dak Dak D-A-K Dak Prescott I the video of his ankle rolling and it's like his shoe I was like well maybe his shoe just got because no one knew when he did it what happened like obviously it came out after the game you know he went to surgery for his it was like a compound compound fracture but the video of him rolling it I was like oh his shoe just got like uh you know how your like if you take your shoe you can kind of like twist it and it'll look like it's your foot's dislocated

but it's actually not that's what I thought happened like I just I just thought his shoe got messed up no his whole fucking foot was going off to the right like that and it was his right foot was going right. Like his ankle was dislocated anyways. It was really just disturbing to see that. And he was crying when he left the field and the announcers were like, I love the commentary on a, during a football game. They're like this, the, the, his face, his facial expression is, um, is all we need to know about. Um, like him crying like that and leaving the stadium was like, okay, his season's over. So anyways, talking football for the boys today. I also have my Lakers hat on, go to YouTube to look, hey, because the Lakers won last night. Of course they did. I was

like, that makes so much sense that the Lakers won the championship because I don't want to get emotional, but like, because, you know, obviously Kobe and everything, it's just, it's, I'm glad. I'm really, I'm really happy they won. And honestly, I haven't been watching any NBA games at all this year I just saw last night I didn't even know there was anything going on in basketball and I saw like all these Instagram posts of like LeBron James you know and like talking about Kobe and stuff and how they won and everything so anyways um so that happened yesterday oh so speaking of the Seahawks game first of all Russell Wilson best I just got to say this he's a better running back than most running backs like

what the fuck he gets so many yards out of like he'll just you know everyone rushes towards him and then he breaks through the middle and runs down gains 20 yards every fucking time like he's a g at that and I just feel like that's his thing he's a very I don't know I don't know the terminology in football but he's a very active he's a running he he passes the ball a lot right he's a good quarterback in that way but he's also uh hey I'm gonna take this and I'm gonna do a little slip and slide. He always, you know how the quarter, I love how the quarterbacks slide so they don't like hurt themselves. It's like writing it. It's like sliding into fucking third base. You know what I mean? That kind of motion. I'm like trying to do it with my legs

right now. No one can see it. Um, so anyways, shout out Russell Wilson. The last two minutes was like unbelievable. Uh, Metcalf, Metcalf, Metcalf caught the, uh, game winning touchdown down at the very last second. It was such a nail biter. Um, they played, uh, the Vikings by the way. And it was a, it was a, an interesting game. A lot of like shifts. You guys all watch, you guys probably watch this. Why am I recapping it right now? But dude, I got something juicier to talk about. So fuck it. Enough about the game. Seahawks won five and oh, first time in franchise history. Woo. Go Seahawks. Um, but I gotta tell you guys something juicy. I got it. I got a Seahawk crush like a hardcore like I just discovered a player and I've never done this before where I'm

like um on the roster like trying to see who this person is because I literally just saw a two-second video you know how like they'll show like the recap of the play or whatever I saw like a two-second video of someone I was like holy fucking shit who is this person and then I got flashbacks from college and I'm like Jacqueline this is you all over again getting having crushes on football players and you don't need to go down this rabbit hole again but I like was on it I was on an Instagram stock I was on I was on a YouTube stock at the highlight tapes the interviews I was like deep in this shit so I have a hardcore crush on a Seahawk player I'm not gonna say who but I do have a track record with um their name is a I have a history with this name for you know is

does anyone else notice that with with people they date or have crushes on like there's a there's a trend in their, in the person's name. Like you, it's always the same name. It's like, what the hell does that mean? I have to take a drink of LaCroix. So anyways, I, uh, yeah, I watched the Seahawks game, copped some feels for some, copped a feel. Is that, I don't, is that the right terminology? I need a Gen Z dictionary. Um, oh, it was raining during the game and I was like oh I couldn't you know what my brain was doing while I was watching it rain because it was they played in Seattle I was like I don't know if I missed this or if I'm like oh that does not look fun like I couldn't tell because I'm from Washington I'm used to that

shit like most of my life I've been caught in the rain and now I live in California in San Diego and it's like 90 today in the middle of October but I was like I don't know if I'm missing this or if I'm like oh I know that's why I don't want to live there anymore because of that damn rain but anyways it kind of I was trying to like work that out in my brain last night while I was watching it anyways I'll see what else happened um that's about it just had a really chill football day I watched three games I laid I laid down and I was really comfy and uh yeah oh I worked out really hard that morning but I already talked about that on yesterday's podcast because guys I'm really proud of myself as an adult now as a as a podcaster is doing this every day I'm like

I finally feel proud of myself about getting my shit together around recording the podcast because literally for the first 30 days I can't believe I'm on episode 39 but for the first month I all I cared about was record wake up record like do nothing for the rest of the day like I felt so accomplished afterwards I was like okay whatever and then I'm looking around at my apartment as you guys know I had blueberry stains on my fucking couch for two weeks straight from frozen blueberries that I got all over finally washed those couch cover cushion things and then I looked at the I looked at the covers that were dried ready to go on my couch for five days because all I wanted to do was podcast I didn't care about any chaos going around on around me I just wanted a podcast

but now guys I'm proud of myself I'm uh taking care of business I've been really productive before I record. Did I, what did, what did I say that for? Oh, I guess we could talk about that's related to today, today and what I did. I woke up and I immediately became, I went full fucking house cleaner mode. I did everything. I cleaned every little nook and cranny, took out my garbage. I even went up and did my laundry, the laundromat. you know how long that took me because I drive 30 minutes to go to my favorite laundromat with the that accepts my credit card instead of quarters because I don't like playing I don't like feeling like I'm I don't like collecting quarters okay it's 2020 I'm sick of these machines that only

accept quarters so I drive 30 minutes to go to the machine that accepts my visa I've talked about this extensively on previous podcasts if you're like what the hell and it also has a vending machine with with a coffee in it so I love that place so anyways I went there this morning did all my cleaning, my house cleaning, all my chores, garbage, all that shit. And then I, um, what else do I have on here? Oh, I listened to Tim Dillon's podcast while I was doing my, my, uh, chores. Dude. Okay. He made the, he has the funniest bit on this latest podcast about Yelp is now allowing people to review. There's like a thing now on Yelp where you can label a restaurant as racist something like that and so he has this whole bit just go

listen to his latest podcast to tell him I think it's just the Tim Dillon show and he goes into this bit about he's creating the most oppressive restaurant he's like the tables and chairs like the booths are gas chambers and the Gestapo are your waitresses and waiters and he's like just like go listen to it it's so it's so good I I was laughing so fucking hard what else does he say about the restaurant um like the food he just goes into so many details and uh paints a paints a funniest fucking picture which I really look up to certain comedians in that way that are they paint such a pretty picture and like they use so many amazing like adjectives and shit I don't even know how to explain it but the way he does it is so good um I really

I like discovered Tim Dillon this year and I just I can't stop did I tell you guys how I thought he was hot and then I really then I found out he was gay and I was like he's the straightest gay guy I've ever like he it doesn't make any sense did I did anyone I think I mentioned that I'm so unapologetic I just say like I don't care you know what I mean I know I feel like telling a story about a guy I had a crush on at my gym in college for three months I was not brave enough to go up to him and say hi or like get to know like you know talk to him and um after three months this is a side side tangent after three months and guys this was like the type of okay he had a man bun which I'm usually like not I don't know like it's it depends man buns are

it depends just like not everyone can pull it off but he was he was so hot he had a man bun he had those big headphones on every day he was so jacked and he was so like he was like a greek god right after three months I figured out who he was through Instagram I don't even know how found out he was in a frat and then I saw okay so that was kind of like already a turn off a little bit. And then I was like, okay, whatever. I'll look further. And I messaged him and I just said, like, I work out, you know, I work out. What the fuck am I saying? I was like, hi, I noticed you at the gym, some bullshit like that. And he fires back with it that he's gay. And I spent three months like eyeing someone from afar being so like, oh my God, who is this man? Gay. So that

happens. It happens a lot. And it's, uh, it's all right. I just, now I'm at the point where I don't waste time like that anymore. I learned that lesson pretty quickly. Like if you like someone, it's full send, fucking tell them, figure it out, say hi, get to know them. Know it day two, don't know it day fucking 90. Okay. Anyways, I was like, I thought he was like, I had it this, I had this story in my head too, that he was making eyes at me and he was like, follow me around the gym and we had this little like chemistry thing going on where we didn't really talk to each other you know what I mean I had this whole fucking story built in my head and he's gay he was gay so shout out to you he was so hot I can't even it's disgusting how hot

he was okay anyways so oh I said that because of Tim Dillon yeah anyways go listen to his podcast just do it it's the it's the latest episode um speaking of man bun by the way I haven't seen man bun neighbor in like a week so I don't know what's going on I haven't seen him walking his dogs I don't know if he's on vacation or what's going on but yeah he's been out of sight um oh I have more shit to tell you guys about today hold on I really want to finish my coffee I haven't been mentioning it mentioning it because I realized the first 30 episodes are me raving about coffee the entire episode is like all right time for another sip of coffee and so I'm trying I'm actively like ignoring it and try not to pay like call attention to my coffee consumption

because I think that's fucking annoying all right let's see oh okay so I want to say a couple random things about today so far I woke up with the worst calf pain I've ever had I couldn't walk I had I was walking to the bathroom this morning to brush my teeth with like straight legs and I was like oh fuck and then I was like fuck you Cam Newton for inspiring me too much I OD'd on his Instagram his inspo on his Instagram on um what's the day Saturday night I told this story yesterday I blame Cam Newton for my calf pain and I'm doing it again today because I was running so long on that treadmill I power walked and then I did then I ran for I don't know like four fucking miles which is a lot for me when I haven't ran in two months and um my calves are so fucked like I feel like I can

feel them. I'm not even walking right now or anything. And I can feel the soreness and it's all right. I'm working that, working that cardio back in. I feel like it's going to, I'll adjust, you know, I'll, it's always like that when I start running again, it takes me a little bit to, for my legs to get used to it. But anyways, random information about this morning. I woke up immediately was like, Oh, fuck my life. Um, another, this is literally guys, the first thought I had oh my gosh when I woke up um I had a very vivid dream by the way guys this is so TMI but I like I had another sex dream okay I'm not gonna say anything about it but it had a it was like right before I woke up so I still remember it and I'm like what the fuck okay so that happened but

this makes no sense sex dream eyes open six whatever checking the stocks doing my normal shit and then I had this thought bust into my head let me refer to my notebook I had this thought about how when we're little like when girls so I'm thinking of myself as a little girl right now and think about how like when you're like when I was three years old even younger than that like two like a little baby I thought I had this thought I was like isn't it so weird how like we give babies babies to play with like dolls I got really in my head about this I was like and then as a as a little baby you're sitting there with your baby not going like oh my god this is my new best friend like we're the same age no no no no that's not how

that works I'm a baby holding my baby and I'm saying this is my child like I'm I am the mother this is my child and I'm holding something the same size as me and it's like that mind fucked me this morning and I thought about it a little harder and I was like Jacqueline obviously children emulate like they copy adults and so when they see other mommies holding babies like they want to do it too and so it's that kind of thing but I just got really in my this is literally thought number one of the day like the first I don't know so it's just like a thought I had and then I realized that I don't know all this shit I was into when I think about it I never liked imaginary make-believe stuff I liked real stuff so I was I preferred being a mom to a baby and

having baby dolls and playing like house I guess versus playing with Barbies like make-believing their lives and like talk like fake talking for your Barbies doing shit like I just had a thought about that too and I have thought like oh I also love playing store I like doing anything that was like real life adult shit I like to do I never got into the make-believe stuff as a kid like I couldn't I never felt I always felt like it was weird I don't explain it I never I was like oh I'm doing this with my Barbies because this is how people play with Barbies but I never took it like I couldn't get in the the creative thinking like that that makes sense I was just like oh this is stupid I'm fake talking for a Barbie anyways so hold on to me there's my LaCroix

is this is this podcast starting your week off right it's Monday you know and let's uh let's get into it let's get into the deep shit I talked about yesterday talk about today patreon.com slash tjms if you want to support the show um also you can go subscribe to youtube to hang out with me and watch this if you just need a little bestie a little bestie to hang out with I am so overexposed right now I need to sit back this lighting I have a monitor so I can see myself and I don't know we're looking we're looking like shit today it's all good okay so this is your Monday motivation this is my verbal morning pages I'm going to talk you through my goals for the week in this segment so let's get

into it. I, um, I do want to continue, continue my movie nights. Monday Motivation, Jacqueline wants to watch movies every night. But as you know, it's been a personal challenge of mine to stay focused for the length of a movie without checking my phone and all that shit for like the last five years. So I'm, I'm trying my best and I did it last week and I want to do it again this week and watch movies and wind down with a movie every night instead of movie TikTok at the same time it's it's just a clusterfuck my brain is it's done it can't do it any longer so gonna continue that I do have a note here I want to change my bedtime I want to change my bedtime to 10 to 10 30 instead of midnight one all right I don't know how that's

gonna work I feel like I should wean it back slowly but I I just think I have this fantasy that I will check my whoop strap in the morning and it will tell me I slept eight hours instead of six because the weird thing is I've been consistent let me check what I did last night six minutes or no six hours and around six and a half hours seems to be my magic number where I naturally wake up without an alarm or anything it's six and a half hours it's been like that I don't know for like I've noticed that since too many burps too much carbonation um it's been like that since like college but I don't know I want to get eight hours I just want to feel like I don't know I that's an accomplishment if I can check my whoop strap and it says eight

hours I'll feel really good about myself this week I also have a note here that I want to do my morning walks instead of, I don't know, instead of waking up and just podcasting, I want to hit the, hit the walks, hit the walks, hit that outdoor fresh air, crisp fall morning air, pre-podcast blitz. Okay. So that's my goal this week. What are your goals this week? Leave a comment below. Um, this is like some random bullshit information about being a podcaster, but I want to figure out my YouTube descriptions. So I need to not just post a video. I need to, um, add some content in the description section. That's like, here's a link to this. Here's a link to that. And this is what the podcast was about, but I've been posting the videos. I haven't been

actually doing any work in the comments or in the, um, description part. So I've been known to do that. This is, this is what you're tuning in for, right? You just want to know like how I'm building my brand right okay so I also have a note here that I want to go to Trader Joe's to buy out all their pumpkin shit before it goes out of season or whatever because every year I go to Trader Joe's and I buy all their pumpkin-y stuff because I'm I'm I mean that is the most like millennial thing I've ever admitted to but I like go to go to Trader Joe's every fall get all the pumpkin shit stock up on that but I've been doing the whole grocery delivery thing or I'll go to the store and buy a couple things at a time lately and I haven't done my full like Trader Joe's sweep

in a while so I'm gonna go there this week I also have a note here I want to go hiking and I want to go to the beach and that'll probably happen this weekend um oh one more note my other goal this week holy shit okay literally my fucking podcast right now is about is this I'm trying to think if I've ever heard of someone podcasting about their weekly goal like every day checking in like these are my goals this week I don't know I have a last the last note here is um clean up your camera roll and find pics for patreon I've been looking through my camera roll and it gives me anxiety guys does anyone else get super OCD or like I get anxious at how cluttered my camera roll is I never delete anything

there's I don't know I have so many multiple thousands so many multiple thousands thousands I have thousands of pictures and videos I think I have like 10,000 videos on my fucking camera I don't I have every picture of every ex-boyfriend still like it's all there I got it's I don't even know is my iCloud storage I think it's the max whatever that is like unlimited forever so I get anxious because I'm like okay first of all if any of this gets seen ever like I'm just like fuck my life um yeah like I took a bunch of ass pics today in my new gray sweatpants and none of them are going to get deleted and half of them are they're not all flattering I only post the flattering ones I should go into that I got a dm about that's a later I have something

to mention about a dm I got regarding my new leggings they're gray anyway so yeah I have a goal this week to kind of clean up my camera roll and find juicy pics for my Patreon because I post all of my like the pictures that don't make Instagram on Patreon so anyways those are my goals this week what's next um I should cross shit off my journal right now done done done done dude we're down to two things next two things I'm going to talk about my DM on Instagram elaborate on something regarding that and then I'm going to talk about the new bachelorette season and I'm going to look at the contestants for the first time and I don't know why I want to do that I just want to do that um one of the guys on there is from San Diego who I like

have seen through Instagram before I don't know like on a stalking web or a stalking train trail you know how you get on like you're on someone's Instagram you get on a tagged photo and then you're on that person's Instagram and you're like okay these are it's just you can figure everything out in about five minutes but anyways there's a guy from San Diego so I'm gonna like check out everyone's bios and talk about it uh first thing we're gonna go into is the DM today this is from an OG listener and I it's not about him commenting on my ass in my gray sweatpants and I posted this okay let me see if the audio will play I I can't take obviously anything seriously so this is my fucking post I did a video of like my new leggings they're like gray

yoga pants right and dude I should be that I'm like I should only wear gray yoga pants after I post this video I'm like Jacqueline why don't you wear gray yoga pants all the time so anyways this is the audio i like found a sound or a sound effect on the instagram story thing and listen it's like me showing my ass off but this is the music or this is the sound effect so it's like me doing a little video of my new leggings with that it's like a guy screaming no you get it okay funny huh but then I got a bunch of obviously I know what I'm getting I know what I'm signing up for when I post an ass pic and video but um first of all he asked is that me or is that a clip you found so I don't know like that's he's I don't know and then um I was like

are you serious because I mean obviously like why would I find a clip of some random girl's ass and leggings and post it okay and then he said and this is where I got my my juice the juices in my brain started flowing about being a hot girl on Instagram and like having an ass and all that shit so he said most girls who look like that aren't nearly as this sounds so like he's gassing me up but like just hear me out here most girls who look like that are nearly as cool like wool and down to earth as you are okay that's what he said whatever all right whatever cool but then I thought about it and I was like it's as if okay so when you're a female when you're I don't want to say female that's not that I hate that word but um I realized like

if you're like a hot girl you're like a great body and everything and you show it off on Instagram, for some reason, it's, like, it's, like, okay, I'm hot, and I'm gonna look bitchy about it or something, like, it looks, they don't, how do I say this nicely without, without sounding, like, oh, I'm jealous or anything, because it's not like that, it's more, like, it's, like, the fat ass and the great body and the big tits makes you pretentious and bitchy, like I'm so hot like I'm bitchy now like why does it do why is that everyone's not everyone but a lot of I'd say a large majority of women's disposition about their looks it's like I'm hot and I'm and you can't have this it's like I can't like it's you know what I mean so sassy

it's not like you see a girl like two thumbs up with her ass out like hey hi guys have a great Monday it's not like that it's like fierce sassy can't touch this so so hot and then it's almost like that hot body turns into an identity that's like just so like stuck up and bitchy and I think that's when he commented that and he's like most girls who look like that aren't nearly as cool like well now on earth as you are it's because I can't even take posting my ass fucking seriously like so I had to do that no no no no no sound effecting to like because it's ridiculous if you do that unironically it's kind of like all right whatever but I don't know I get I just get kind of I get over the kind of pretentious bitchy like

to just so hot and so like i can't i can't i just don't understand it it's just getting kind of like weird i don't know be hot but be nice and don't look mean all the time like i guess it's like sex it's seductive and sexy okay jacqueline like obviously obviously jacqueline it's not that deep obviously but if your whole like that's all you show is you just being like sassy and like seductive and like yeah I don't know it's kind of weird man I don't know how to explain it so anyways I want to talk about that shit is that did I go too far there was I and I don't know

does that i just want to see someone two thumbs up like hi look at my ass without insanely like their facial expressions just like it's like i'm on this fucking photo shoot for corella deville as i'm showing you my ass i'm just looking like the biggest villain of all time that doesn't add up to me can we just be happy about her ass and smile about it it's not sexy though dude you gotta have those seductive looks in your um pics or else you're not gonna get those likes oh okay anyways enough about that um I wanted to talk about The Bachelor The Bachelorette cast let's look that up okay oh my gosh I looked up the date it premieres and it's literally tonight I didn't even know that I guess because it's Monday that wouldn't that

would make sense but I I saw that this guy from San Diego is on it so I was like oh I want to look at the cast and then it's tonight okay so let's look meet the cast so it's Claire Crawley is the bachelorette let's look her up I have no I don't follow this religiously I used to watch it like six years ago all the time but I don't really pay attention anymore bachelor nation you know what I mean I'm not part of it really she's Claire Crawley she's cute okay so it's return she's gonna be the bachelor for the sizzling 16th season okay i'm just trying to see anything about her she's from sacramento california oh she's 38 claire 38 enjoys spending her days playing with her two dogs lb and honey she likes doing yoga

and hiking with friends she loves her career as a hairstylist oh that's she's got great hair um and she hopes to style the man of her dreams one day okay that's one of my favorite things about like having a boyfriend is like helping them put put together outfits I don't know I miss that shit ah I'm so single am I even recording right now okay no yeah I am okay um oh when Claire walked away from Juan Pablo that fateful day in St. Lucia she asked tearfully where is the man who will fight for me will she find this man when she returns on the 16th season of the bachelorette Chris Harrison's gonna figure that or we're gonna see what he says Chris fucking he doesn't age Chris Harrison has been the same age for the last 10 years he's kind

of like Ryan Seacrest like that they just they just look great all the like they don't age I don't know what's going on oh okay wait I'm already seeing some headshots here of some potentials that i'm gonna do an instagram stalk on at a later time today it's my new thing guys i'm on i hate to admit this and i've i haven't thought about doing this and yesterday i was like oh shit you see the hot football player on tv go look at his instagram like figure out who these people are i don't think like that or i don't make i don't take the time i've got all the fucking time in the world now you know what i mean so i've been i've been doing some prospecting whatever some lead gen for potential for for potential boys for jacqueline um all right so let's see we got aj

ben bennett blake blake brandon brendan chasen he's from san diego chris dale demar easy ed garen ivan jason there's too many names uh j jeremy joe jordan jordan kenny mike okay so just got triggered last person there um if you know why that name just triggered me then you know me well all right um let's see here I'm just gonna go over like first impressions from the headshots so this is like I hate is this first of all is anyone triggered if me if I I know I have a lot of guys listening out there if I talk about other guys and comment on their looks and stuff like just know that it's just don't take it that seriously I'm just having fun here let me drink

more coffee oops I did it again I talked about coffee I need to quit quit my job podcasting okay so what am i saying um just first impressions here first row we got okay i got uh blake from phoenix liking the hair he's got brown so he's brown hair it's he's it's the hair that's distracting me let me see the face they're all they're all good looking so this is kind of i don't know i'm just seeing if there's anyone that stands out like because i'm the type of person i don't believe in love at first sight but low-key like if i don't know i just like see a face sometimes and I'm like, you're it. And that happened last night at the Seahawks game. I told you about that guy already. I'm not going to disclose who ever, but, um, I just see a hot

face. I'm like, all right, who are you? But here we are. I don't really see, you know, it's all in the eyes and the smile and everything. They all have great smiles. They have great teeth. Everyone used to caress white strips before this fucking photo shoot you guys Jacqueline is not seeing I'm just literally judging these men off of their bachelorette mugshot but I'm not hmm okay so actually we got Jason here I don't know definitely not Ed sorry Ed um yeah guys I thought I could talk about this in a more interesting way but okay let's just say I had to pick today Jacqueline you have to pick and I'm not looking at their professions I'm just looking at their like pictures or age or anything I'm not

considering that but look she's 39 right and all these guys are are they all younger than her yeah they're all like in their 20s there's a wait there's a 40 year old a 39 year old and a 40 year old um got a canadian on here okay it i just gotta go three two one pick based off these pictures I'm thinking oh Jacqueline of course of course I didn't do this on purpose fuck I just clicked his picture he's a former football player pro football player the one I'm attracted to all right Jason 31 former pro football player from Virginia Jason prides himself on being able to have fun anywhere, everywhere he goes. He's a former NFL lineman who, this is so ironic.

Is it crazy? Okay. I'm having this much fun by myself. I cannot recommend podcasting enough. Like go get yourself a headset and record yourself every day. It's the funnest shit ever. Anyways, let's see. He's dedicated to prioritizing his health. Okay. Oh wait. Okay. Something about a weight loss journey here. Well, no shit. If you're an offensive lineman, he probably had to lose some weight afterwards. Um, well, Jason admits he had fun during his NFL days. He's now ready to get serious. All right, Jason. Wait, no, I don't want to say that. Is this foreshadowing? This could be, she has, she has to have a great sense of humor and an amazing laugh. Jason hopes to meet a woman who can handle his sarcasm and put him in

his place when he needs to be checked. Sounds like Claire may have just, sounds like Claire may just be the girl for him. Okay. So I need to go to his profile immediately. Jason, do they have last names on here? God, I hate when they do that. Bachelorette. Maybe is there, is there like a tag pick? Getting your Monday started off right. Talking about the bachelorette. Oh wait, is this him? Wait, what the hell? He showed up pregnant to greet her? Is that him? He's got a nice voice. Okay, this is awkward. You guys aren't even, you don't see what I'm doing um or you can't see what I'm doing but I just want to like find a profile and then look further but I'll do that later in a report I'll report tomorrow um yeah but honestly

out of all these guys I'm thinking Jason's hot I'm thinking maybe Blake Monar oh wait his last name is included okay uh nah he's got fat lips do any of these guys have big lips I'm into guys with big lips I don't give a fuck I'm telling you guys everything I just like a nice like I don't know it doesn't I'm not like that uh what's the word superficial about like who I'm like what I look for in guys but that's not the correct sentence you know what I mean but I I see a pattern in like the guys I date and there's there's a there's a trend with the fat lips the big ass lips um does anyone here have big lips I don't know okay this is probably so boring because you don't first of all you probably

don't give a fuck about the bachelorette second of all I'm talking about male features and you're a guy listening right now and you're like what the hell um Jason from San Diego though that's the reason why I even decided to do this I found out he's on this um I've just seen him through Instagram before like through other people's Instagrams and I don't know much about him IT account executive 31 San Diego I'm written for him honestly it's from the it's my it's like my home team Jason's my home fucking bachelorette team what I think I covered everything today I think I'm gonna cut this podcast right now I'm gonna be uh self-disciplined call it uh don't want to take too much of your time I'll be here tomorrow so we'll get there we'll get there um

just emptying my trash closing apps that I don't need to use right now we're just hanging out should I go back to Instagram let's look for anything else to talk about patreon.com slash tjms if you want to support the show get a shout out at the end of each episode, and get all the behind-the-scenes pics that no one else gets to see, um, oh, my mom, she commented on my, okay, wait, wait, I gotta do a timeout, this is the last thought, last thing I have, last thought to say today, or whatever, um, my sister, so, I post, it's funny how my mom and sister both did this I posted a picture of my new my new leggings and my mom just asked me what brand and my sister's like what brand she texted me

she's like what size she just said she got a wait I think she just said she got a pair I'm getting some it won't bring up the purchase page on the so anyways I got these new leggings and my sister is gonna buy some now my mom wants to know what brand so she can buy something it's like I just it's funny how like that's what they're concerned about then guys are just like great ass I could stare at your ass all day all that kind of shit and I don't know it's kind of funny uh but I'm working hard you know the thing is is I don't show my I don't show my shit off on the Instagram that much anymore it's I'm kind of over those days or over that thing but

you know I've been talking a lot on this podcast about working my ass off at the gym and it's like Jacqueline just take a pic just take a pic of your ass it's fine it's not that big of a deal um or just do like a little like life update here's here's a picture of my new leggings and then your butt and your progress happens to be showing at the same time you know two birds one stone my neck hurts speaking of working out I have a question for the men men out there that do a lot of deadlifting like Jacqueline uh do the sides of your neck get sore from like deadlifts is that a thing am I gonna get a fat neck so that's been the latest um my calves are sore because of cam newton and my neck is sore because I don't know I'm dead lifting a lot and the sides

really get sore and so I have a lacrosse ball what I have um that neck massager from amazon but I also take a lacrosse ball and I like go hard because I don't have a theragun because i'm not rich go to patreon.com slash tjms to support me so i can buy a theragun to work out my muscle soreness dude just give me all your money give it to me um i think i said that a couple days ago i'm like no one just says that because that's fucked up if you say like hey for five dollars a month you could uh support support me and uh help me launch my fucking podcasting career and work out my muscle soreness like help me buy a theragun from what am i saying this is the part where i go jacqueline you should have called it and had some self-discipline five

minutes ago but now you're going on too long and that's all good um i don't really mean that though about patreon it's more like i i have this vision of like a club like you guys are in the club and the people that are involved in the patreon and see all that shit like know all that stuff they're like in the club and then other people i don't know it's like cool to have like a it's cool to have people in a i don't explain it it's kind of like all the people in my dms like we all like have a thing that no one else really knows about or you know what i mean it's like cool like that so anyways and it gives me a place to dump pictures instead of going to instagram to do it where it's like I don't know I'm so sick like I've given up on aesthetics on Instagram and

trying hard I don't care like here I'm a podcaster here's a video clip of my podcast here's me looking like shit you know what I mean I don't give a fuck go scroll back to when I was brunette if you want to see me try hard that's all I'm gonna say all right I need to end the podcast I had Snapple here I haven't drank yet today I mean texas is this is so like what just happened i took a sip of snapple look to the cap now i'm distracted texas is the only state that permits residents to cast absentee ballots from space the fuck anyways i have i'm on a snapple kick again so on the podcast with that have a lovely

monday have a lovely monday check me out on youtube if you want to hang out and uh i'll talk to you tomorrow for Tuesday's burrito Tuesday podcast and you know I'll be getting myself another burrito all right guys I love you stick around if you're a patron for your shout out have a great Monday episode 39 we out peace guys I feel like I'm letting you down with these patron shout outs but here we go today's patreon.com slash tjms patron shout outs go out to Ricky Jensen, Trevor Garrett, and Eagle One. Guys, when I said, I feel like I'm letting you down is I got real creative with my shit in the beginning of this. And I don't know what to do now. Cause I'm like, I mean, just say your name. That's like, that's the shout out. That's what you're doing.

But I feel, I feel obligated to do more, to get more creative about it. So I'm still kind of working on that. But anyways, there's your shout outs. Thank you so much for your support. I appreciate the shit out of you guys. And I will talk to you tomorrow for Tuesday's podcast. All right. Bye.