The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 425- SECRET PROJECT: Episode 3 (Quiz)

Episode Date: May 11, 2026

Hantavirus fears are growing after multiple reported deaths connected to the Hondius cruise ship raising questions about the Andes strain of hantavirus, rodent transmission, cruise ship safety, and why this story suddenly feels suspiciously like the plot of another global pandemic. We break down what hantavirus actually is, how it spreads, why experts are monitoring the situation, and why the internet is completely locked into this story right now.We also get into the Met Gala 2026, including my best dressed, worst dressed, and several outfits that looked like they were designed during a psychiatric evaluation. Then we discuss Golden Tempo winning the Kentucky Derby and Cherie DeVaux becoming the first female trainer to win the Kentucky Derby, along with a bigger conversation about horse racing, the culture around it, and why people have such conflicting emotions about the sport.We also cover the Athena Strand murder case and Tanner Horner being sentenced to death in Texas, "Marc," the wounded sea lion in La Jolla that emotionally devastated the internet, plus West Wilson from Bravo’s Summer House having his nudes leaked into the void against all of our will.Then we spiral into a deeper conversation. Specifically, what it actually feels like to be in relationships with people whose lives are constantly exploding, why some people unconsciously recreate instability over and over again, and how exhausting it is to be emotionally attached to perpetual dysfunction.The rabbit hole of the week turns into a full discussion about America’s growing crisis of trust. Nobody believes the media anymore. Nobody trusts institutions. Every major news story immediately turns into conspiracy theories, hidden connections, and internet detectives trying to prove reality is fake. So what happens to a society when trust completely collapses? What does the next phase of that look like?Also in this episode:• Golf and homeownership updates• Why everyone collectively feels suspicious of everything nowAnd for the OG listeners sticking around until the end.. Yes! You are getting the Secret Project quiz this week. Enjoy!REVIEW THE SHOW ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ https://open.spotify.com/show/4ijzUBunTIHgVmahB0ISEN BECOME A PATRON! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/tjms⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ KEEP IN TOUCH!INSTAGRAM »⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/jacquelinemonroe/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TIKTOK » jacqueline.monroe EMAIL THE SHOW!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ MY MUSIC GUY⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://soundcloud.com/robmonmusic⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

I almost deleted this intro music button and replaced it with a clip of Ray J talking on Cam Newton's podcast. But as I was listening to it this morning, I'm like, this is the perfect song for this point in history we find ourselves in this week. Okay, like, stay with me. Hunter, hunter, don't you want to hunter, hunter? Don't you want to hunter, hunter? Don't you want to everybody?

Hey, Hunter, Hunter, don't you want to hunt? You guys, let's go. Let's fucking go. Hunter. Oh my God, big drop right here. Here comes the rodent shit and piss in the air. Everybody put on a mask. Cover your mouths.

Oh no, it's coming through the air ducts. Oh no, it's coming through the AC. Oh no, someone's breathing on you. Crawl into a hole. Kill yourself. You guys, sorry. We're all gonna die. I already talked about this.

It's 2027. In 2029, the Apophis asteroid is gonna take us out. So we're all gonna die in a couple of years anyways. If you're taken out by Hantavirus first, uh what would you rather die from that's wait what what would i rather die from i would rather take i want to experience the asteroid honestly i want to experience that uh three mile high wave taking out san diego i believe it's april 13th 2029 um the entire west coast of the united states and parts of asia are going to be taken out and then i'm sure they'll

just nuke everything else. And just everything will be like all the other countries will just self sacrifice them. So what do you call it? Just mass, uh, let's just suicide our country. Let everyone just dies in, um, solidarity with the West coast and parts of Asia. So you guys, um, we are in a hilarious time of history as always. It's always something haunt a virus I just know the way we were like because it was coronavirus right now it's haunt a virus I'm not comparing the two I'm not saying we're gonna have a worldwide pandemic again I'm not fear-mongering I'm not panicking I'm not freaking out but I'm having fun with this okay this is a comedy podcast as someone who's not a comedian but likes to have

fun okay and share share the good uh the good news of the world in a facetious way okay I just know like if this becomes something it's gonna be hanta it's not gonna be covid the slang for coronavirus it's gonna be hanta and um I just think this is you know here's here's my thoughts on how this spreads as someone who has a rodent sized brain, honestly, about like, I I'm talking out of my ass. I really don't know much about this, but I feel like from what I've gathered, this is, it originated in Argentina in the nineties. What country did this start in? Um, there's strains in the U S actually Canada, Brazil, Paraguay, Paraguay, uh, Bolivia, China, and South Korea and then parts of Europe like Germany and Finland okay so it's not just in

Argentina and Chile that's where the Andes mint strain is found the Andes strain but from from what I've gathered this is spread as a from rodents rodent poop and pee and saliva and so what I was thinking about, I'm like, okay, so it's not like you cross paths with rodents every day when you're walking around Argentina, Chile, all these other places, right. Where this spreads, it's not like you're, you know, mouth to mouth or ass to mouth with a, with a, a rat or a mouse or a, I'm not sure what other kinds of rodents they have. It's not like you're fully just taking it in like that and getting sick getting the hantavirus that way so this is an interesting start to the episode I know you're here for episode three of my secret project series we

will get to it I have an I have an amazing quiz for you later so stay tuned for that thank you for being here okay I appreciate you that's actually for me the clapping's always for me i don't know why um so i'm assuming because it's like a it's a it's a spray it's like an aerosol spray i'm assuming that in the ducts in the in the vents in the air conditioning tubes in these countries where this spreads i'm assuming uh just like what happened to me as a new homeowner um last year i'm assuming the rodents crawl up these these these vents and they shit themselves and that shit and piss becomes one with air conditioning air and spews out of the vents and infects the people that way um that's the only way i can see how

this is a thing other than, or are they just shitting and pissing around the area? I don't know, like around the house in, in the walls and that somehow gets out, um, or just in the air from like the streets. I don't know. Okay. You guys, we had all of our ducks and vents. We just recently got our dryer vents unclogged. I told that story about, um, the handyman that came over that I had to deal with the other, I did that a few podcasts ago. Okay. Um, and there was a, yeah, they unclogged our, our dryer vents. Cause I almost caught her house on fire running a load the other month. Okay. And then last year we had our entire AC redone. Um, and upon doing that, we discovered that we also had some rats and, and their decomposed bodies and their shit

permeating the tubes that we were fucking breathing in. Okay. So, Ooh, Ooh, too early for that. We were breathing in. So yeah. Andy or Andy's, uh, the strain Andy's is the one that these poor people, I think three have died, um, or have been stricken with the Andy strain. And it's special because it's the only known Haunted virus that can sometimes Spread from human to another From one human to another This is a very rare and

This is very It's 9.23am on Friday May 8th Okay so we're early And we're podcasting but we're having fun It's the It's a very rare Oh my god um change the subject Jacqueline change the subject okay um it's the only known

hantavirus that can spread from one human to another that is very rare and usually happens only with really close contact did I put on deodorant god damn it I might have to pause this and go put on deodorant. Shit. I actually do. Okay. This is a, this is a new sweater and we're not doing this today in a new sweater. We're not, I just showered too. And sometimes, okay. So there's this cruise ship, the MV Hondias, by the way, we're going to get into life updates. Okay. We're going to get into the news. This is just the intro. Okay. We're going to have fun with this Honda or Honda Honda that started on the Honda. Wait, wait, the Honda virus on the Honda ship. Um, we're going to start with this because I'm having a laugh. I'm getting

warmed up. Okay. And then we'll move, we'll move forward and then we'll do yeah. The, the quiz at the end, um, and talk about the secret project that you're, I know you're here for because of the title so episode three secret project is this is the episode but it's it's a segment the the project is it exists as a segment if you're new here go listen to episode one and two this secret project exists as a segment of my show the rest of the show is a normal episode with life updates news rants me talking out of my ass about things I don't understand fully streams of consciousness and the occasional um I don't know okay moving on so okay so like this is what my question was I was like what is this cruise ship what were these people doing why

were they on it and a fucking of course of course this was not a party cruise okay this was not the Royal Caribbean party cruise. Um, this wasn't a normal cruise. Okay. Of course this was rich people who were on this ship for the purpose of science and adventure. Kind of like, this is reminding me of like why people went on the Titan sub. They had money and they're like, I want to go see the Titanic. I feel like this was like, I, I, I have money. I want to go see, uh, or, or remote islands, rare animals. Um, you know, I want to go hiking in a place that most people can't access because I have money, you know? So it was one of those things. So this was, uh, kind of like an adventure cruise for rich people. And the trip started in

oh fuck me u-s-h-u-i-u-a-i-a which is one of the most southernmost cities in the world so it's like Antarctica basically so so they traveled through south the South Atlantic and stop near places like Antarctica south so one of the comments I got on a recent TikTok and I laughed so hard. It was like the most real comment I've ever gotten. Cause sometimes when I post clips, I'm just letting the AI do it and I shit post them and I'm like, all right, we'll just see how this goes as far as engagement and views and all of that. And this was a particularly, it was about the Cheesecake Factory chicken tacos that I talked about last week. And it got a lot of engagement, a lot of

whatever uh ish we broke a thousand okay and the fucking the comment was literally this like probably this old dude and he's just like please go back to school and you have no idea how much that pierced me in my in my yeah like the my stomach like I got a stomach drop feeling from that because I have a deep insecurity when I podcast that I'm literally a talking, uh, that I do have a rodent size brain and I'm talking, I'm not smart. And I'm like, I, I, I feel that way sometimes when I'm, when I'm doing my thing here. Okay. So like, I'm not coming here as an expert as the great Joe Rogan. Uh, he continues to say, What is he, what's the actual line he always says on his show? Don't listen to me. I'm an idiot. Or

like, don't listen to, I, what does he always say? There's like one line he always says. Yeah. I'm not, I'm basically an idiot. I don't know. I'm not, I'm a dumb ass. Don't listen to me. I don't know anything about this anyways. So I'm spiraling. Cause I couldn't pronounce you. Ushuaia. Ushuaia. One of the most southernmost cities in the world. So they went around Antarctica, South Georgia Island, Tristan de Cunha, moving on, St. Helena, Cape Verde. So whatever. These two poor old people died first, the husband and then the wife. She got on a plane with his body I believe not knowing she had it they didn't even know he had it and then she's on the plane with all these people going back to whatever country I don't know was

Amsterdam I have no idea anyways and potentially affect infected other people on the plane and then she collapsed at the airport died the next day tragic right and then I don't know who the third person is but basically like right now in the U.S. I believe there's two people with coronavirus from that ship i think one's in georgia i'm not sure where the other one is i think the other one's in irvine some like 80 year old dude i think um so it's here okay and of course i'm just having a laugh at this because we can move on because of what we've already gone through and the fucking imagery the imagery of the full suits the full blue uh what are those hazmat suits people going out on stretchers off the boat just the vibes the people from the the who addressing

the camera in a very like i mean like let me play i could play i could play some shit you've probably already seen some of it and i'm what's my temperature check on on this situation right now i am okay i'm gonna speak my truth i'm gonna i'm gonna predict something and i did this with the warner on and i was i said it was it was gonna be a month and i was deeply wrong i think contavirus is gonna be a thing I think it's gonna be I think it's gonna be a thing I don't think it's gonna just go bye-bye in a month I don't think it's gonna be like do I think we're gonna full lockdown quarantine style our society again

no maybe I don't I'm kind of just like I don't know I don't have a lot of confidence in anything with stuff like this now because of what we've already gone through so that's where I'm at and it's like a 50 mortality rate which is great but I remember like during when COVID happened it was also like if you get this you will die and then we figured out that it wasn't that bad and then I think if you're from these countries especially Chile and Argentina where this strain is from i guess the people are pretty chill about it like this is a known thing it's not like they live in fear and you know um yeah okay do i have any other notes on hanta hanta hanta horrible noise jocelyn why'd you do that

um cory's in san francisco i'm home alone with the dogs louie's looking at me right now and i'm podcasting on a Friday morning and life is good. So with that, we'll move on. Please hit that subscribe button wherever you're listening right now. I'm on Apple, Spotify, Google podcasts, Stitcher, Breaker. We don't really mention those anymore. Overcast. We didn't really mention that one. I'm on Spotify and Apple for that's where I'm mostly known. Okay. Subscribe to my podcast wherever you listen to podcasts and hit that subscribe button. Oh my God. Subscribe to my YouTube channel. This is a video and audio podcast. You can watch the full video on YouTube and Spotify video. So subscribe to my YouTube channel.

Follow me on Instagram and TikTok at Jacqueline Monroe. You guys, I'm flopping on, let's just have a conversation about this right now. I am drying out on Instagram like I am so boring I am so it's just dry and like uninteresting over here on my stories now I just kind of don't give a shit and you know what I mean like I just feel like I'm actually flopping and I'm just over I'm just like everyone has this this phase with social media at some point and then it like goes away and then they start posting a lot and then they come back it's honestly whatever I mean I'm on my phone a lot less I'm more in the moment I'm not documenting every single part of my day and making random like what do you call it flat lays

of my beauty products all the time and my whatever I bought at the grocery store or like you know I'm I'm kind of I'm enjoying it and I think this is maturity I think this is growing up yeah it's not a way to live I don't know I just never feel like great when I'm constantly posting on Instagram I'm like it's nice to this is a boring conversation okay so we did the subscribing and now we're gonna do life updates so I blew my back out what's new um I wouldn't say I fully blew my back out but it's it's talking to me it's pissed off at me it's like hey enough with the days enough with the hip thrust and the Bulgarians and the heavy RDLs. Why are you putting three plates on? There's no, yeah, you can do it. Yeah. You're strong. Yeah. You, your body is technically

capable, but your low back isn't it's hurting. Okay. And, and so I we've taught, I think we've talked about my, my twisted pelvis. That was a couple of weeks ago or last week. I'm kind of dealing with these imbalances and I'm starting to be suspicious of spin class as a as the culprit as to why I'm all twisted up because you in spin class you're most of the class I think there's one instructor that switches legs but for the most most of the classes on the right leg the beat is on the right leg and you're doing that the whole time and so I'm that's the side that I'm having issues with. So I'm like, I don't know. I'm like, what do I, I'm not going to stop doing spin class, but yeah. Why am I talking about back pain? What was, I was going to talk about

something else related to back pain. Um, Alex Earl has back pain right now. I have back, she just posted a video about that. Um, it happens to all, you know, it can happen to it's, is this a hot girl thing is back pain? Yeah. You know, it is a hot girl thing because you know, most of us, I think it's subconscious at this point we're not even aware that we do it we've got that anterior pelvic tilt and why do we have it because we're constantly you know popping her ass out in the pics popping her ass out when we walk okay we're putting a little a little too much bend in that low lumbar region for the sake of looking looking hot okay and I think in Alex Earl's case she was sitting on a chair and she reached for her phone while she was holding a dog

Asia her rescue her her beautiful dog and she blew her back out that way so it can happen like in the dumbest of ways mine is just a overuse over uh lifting not doing the balancing out exercises and the what do you call it the I need to do way more hip flexor stretching and like Yeah, you get the idea. So this is 30. This is 31. And that's my first life update. Oh, Mark the sea lion.

Let's talk about Mark the sea lion. I'm not sure if you're aware. But there was a beautiful male sea lion named Mark. I don't want to say God rest his soul yet. he's been missing from his rock for about a week now. Um, but a week ago, this amazing man, he's at nature boy on Tik TOK posted a video of a sea lion with his, also his low back blown out, except instead of being blown out in terms of like low back pain, it was like, he's missing a chunk of blubber uh he was potentially bitten by a shark um or an orca whale or hit by a boat

rudder and his low back was stripped and it was raw and it was exposed and this poor seal is there a difference between a sea lion and a seal i think so but i'm gonna call him a sea lion I think he's a sea lion he's it's he's giving sea lion he's giving majestic uh I think seal is a little more bitch in that community like a little more like the beta version of a sea lion he definitely wasn't a beta male he was a alpha alpha male sea lion um in distress and in La Jolla here in the cove in San Diego. There's this reserve area where all the seals come up and they lay there all day in this little circle cove thing. And the tourists come and stare at them while they're just laying there sleeping. And it's really cute. There's a lot of pups right now.

I think it's pupping season, but like the baby season is this is springtime. Just that time where all the animals pop out a baby. I feel like that's kind of a thing. Like I know the chickens are doing that right now. The chickens are definitely hatching their, their, their chicks. Um, I feel like the bunnies are doing it's spring is this is that is the time for, for the babies. And so yeah, it's pupping season. Anyways, back to Mark, the seal, the sea lion, this really great guy checked on him every day, made a little video of like, Hey Mark, we're, we're hoping you're everyone's rooting for you, man. We hope you're, you're feeling better. I mean, you guys, it was like the most gory, it was probably the size of the actual wound was probably the size of,

uh, a couple of dinner plates. Okay. And it was deep and there was a piece kind of dangling off of it, like a strip of skin or something. And he was getting in the water. He was swimming around, probably fishing but long story short um he's been missing for about five days they haven't seen him on this rock people are pissed that he wasn't rescued by sea world sooner but the whole situation is that and by the way my life update is i was so invested into this i was crying about it okay like when this when he was initially posting these update videos he was doing it for a week and then all of a sudden mark just stopped showing up this rock i was so invested i'm like crying about it checking his posts every single day reading the comments looking for

if anything is like happening in terms of rescuing him or giving him some antibiotics or i'm just like constantly checking and then we were in la jolla the other night and i was like cory drive me to the cove now i've got pictures i'm screenshotting nature boys videos of mark to try to get the exact location of this rock in la jolla and i'm looking at the background houses on the on the cliffs and i'm looking at like any pieces of like uh like these what do you call it these um Um, data points, Jacqueline, what are you saying? I'm basically trying to triangulate this location based on these screenshots I've taken to find Mark the sea lion. Okay. And F and find his rock

because he was going to the same rock every single day. So I'm like, Corey, drive me to the cove. And we started out going a little too far South. We worked our way up and we found his rock and Mark was not there. Okay. And I was devastated. And I assumed he's out fishing 6 30 PM. It's dinnertime. He's out fishing. Nope. He was, that was, I think the first day he was stopped, he stopped being seen and he hasn't been seen since. So, um, I paid my respects. I went to his rock and I'm pulling, I just think that, you know, there were flies on him. There were the maggots were probably doing their thing. And that can also be the maggots on infections like that can be a good thing. Cause they stop.

It does something when you have a wound wound like that, the maggots, like stop the infection from spreading or it's actually beneficial to have maggots in that situation but people were saying they saw him having seizures one of the days and he was potentially becoming septic and so unfortunately i don't want to say god rest his holy soul he's no longer with us but he hasn't been seen um but man he was showing up at that rock for a good week looking for help And the issue that everyone, all the experts and the people are saying is that there are regulations and laws in place at this cove in La Jolla that basically means you can't let boats come in. you have to kind of let nature take it you have to let nature take its course you can't intervene I don't know how strict that is in situations like this with this

sea lion because they do a lot of like there's mammal or marine mammal rescue organizations that do this stuff all the time but in this specific location I guess it wasn't they weren't they were waiting for him SeaWorld put out a statement saying they're waiting for Mark to move to a different rock so that they can safely like rescue him, which I think is a bunch of horseshit. I mean, I think that I, unfortunately I think SeaWorld was the only organization that apparently in the area that could do something like this. And I'm like, look, I was willing to put my life on the line. Uh, and I was, I was so invested. I'm like, you know, like everything's possible, right? In this

world. Like we went behind the moon. Everything is possible. This sea lion could have been saved day one when this happened. And I know it's like, why do all that? Why? You know, people are making the point that like, look at all these people doing the most for a sea lion, yet they don't give a shit when, you know, children are being. Use your imagination, traffic, you know, like that kind of thing. And they, they don't like go to the ends of the earth to help that cause yet. They care so much about this sea lion. Like I get it, but I think day one, this could have been resolved and he could have been, I know it's a huge sea lion. He's probably 600 pounds, but he was friendly. He wanted, you could just tell he was like, help me, you know, I'm hurting.

And, um, yeah, it was really hard to watch. And I feel like as the days go on, I think about him less and less and that makes me sad but a piece of me thinks that someday I'll go back to the cove and I'll see a sea lion with a huge scar on his on his low back and I'll just and I'll weep and I'll cry and I'll bawl I'll go I'll fuck you I would that would be like a full circle life moment if I was to see because I know that I know that scar I know what it's going to look like if he, if he makes it. And, um, yeah, it's a, it's a great story, isn't it? Okay. You guys, Corey's in San Francisco. I'm, I'm, uh, and the reason I'm saying that life update, we're moving on. Apparently, by the way, the Orca whales really

fucked this up for the sea lions because they came in, their pods came in and that forced the sharks to do something what would it what would that force the sharks to do did it bring in more sharks because the orca whales are feeding on the seals the orca whales feed oh my god i swear to god we watched a pod the a couple years ago in san diego off the coast we watched them punt dolphins into the air i think they were eating dolphins and then all the dolphins were swimming really close to shore to like get away from the orcas. It was crazy. It was the craziest thing I've ever seen. So I don't know what they're eating. I think they're eating. I feel like orcas eat everything. I love, those are my favorite

animal, by the way, orca whales, favorite animal. So it's hard. I don't like to hate on them, but I think that the reason why so many seals, because what I was going to say is that there are other seals. Um, a lot of seals right now have shark bites. Um, there was another seal close to Mark's rock that this guy saw with a pretty gnarly bite, not as bad as Mark's, but like, you know, so it's a thing. And I guess there's more sharks in the area. So I don't get in the water. You guys like, I just, I don't, I don't fuck with sharks. Okay. Um, did I finish sure what I was gonna say about SeaWorld yeah it's just a shit like boycott SeaWorld fuck SeaWorld we know that we all watch Blackfish like I can't stand that SeaWorld I live I live close to SeaWorld

here in San Diego and it just pisses me off knowing what's going on there and there's always like it's just I swear to god like the other week it was like they had Jesse McCartney no Aaron no Aaron Carter he died it's like Jesse McCartney and then like it's always like a Waka Flocka concert there it's always like the has been rappers and singers not that they're which are my favorite by the way I still listen to every Waka Flocka song like like all the popular ones like um well I was watching the Knicks game the other night and every single it's it's uh no is that Mo Bamba that's not waka flaka no what's the waka flaka song they always play

in like arenas hold on it's not hard in the paint that's too like on the nose not okay you guys i need to move on uh grove street party no shit oh 15th and first is good for my dogs maybe i'm thinking of uh I think I'm thinking of Mo Bamba Mo Bamba I think is the song I'm thinking of there's not a harder song when you're going out than Mo Bamba Sheck Wes

wait is this the song they play at arenas yeah it is okay so I totally fucked that one up but anyway SeaWorld they apparently were they had their eyes on mark the sea line and they were waiting for him to move to a different rock and nothing happened and people were like they weren't doing shit they just said that

um anyways moving on that was so long-winded but Corey's in San Francisco the reason I'm saying that is because we're having our final yard work day or yard work day it's not yard work they're building our lawn what we're building our backyard our land landscape architecture we're having a crew come in day on Saturday so tomorrow it's our final day they're finishing everything and Corey's in San Francisco and I the wife okay this is it's gonna be a big deal for me to step up put my big girl panties on I am going to be the captain of the crew I have to put I have to monitor the crew they're coming here at 7 a.m tomorrow they've worked 12 hour days I think the longest is the 13 hour day okay they're here for they're gonna be here all day and I'm I'm the

bitch on site okay and I don't like watching them work it bothers me I just I know it's like this is their job and it's just hard labor okay it's really hard labor and I just it bothers me right so I don't like to watch I like to just show up at the end and I'm like wow great job like thank you so much I just have this like weird thing with watching work but tomorrow I have to i'm a bitch on site no mercy i i have no like i i have to pretend like i'm channeling i told cory i'm gonna channel miss trunchbull for matilda i'm gonna channel miss trunchbull and look they're they're amazing they're an amazing crew they've fucked up a couple things okay they they did fuck up a couple things that they have to fix

and it's the kind of thing where if I don't keep eyes on it the whole day it could get it's like the plant placement you know what I mean like if they don't put the plants exactly where they need to be it could it's just going to be a shit show because there's like this rabbit wire there's like this weed paper there's rocks on top of that and so once that's all laid over or laid around the plants it's set you know so my biggest job tomorrow is telling them exactly where to place the plants and I can't feel bad. I can't have like this thing. Like I've had this whole time. Cause I think this is their fourth weekend coming. And, um, I think I'm going to, I'm going to buy him a pack of beer and make him chocolate chip cookies. I'm not quite sure. Or maybe I'll get

him a, well, they, they, they bring their own lunches. They've got, they've got great lunches every time they, they work here. Um, they pack their own, but I might make them a little snack, little celebratory. Here's a Modelo and a chocolate chip cookie. Uh, yeah. So that's my, that's my weekend. Um, mother's day is Sunday and we didn't tell Corey's. So it's like mother's day Sunday is we're having his parents come over. Cause we didn't tell them we're doing this to our yard, our backyard. Like we didn't tell him anything. And so we're just going to like say, happy mother's day, come to our house, look at our yard. They had no, and they're going to lose it because it's so much different than the last time they were here. So that's our like happy

mother's day surprise. I don't know. And we're probably, I'm going to make cinnamon raisin sourdough for my mother-in-law and Corey's going to, it's, it's his mom, right? So it's like his thing. Um, he asked me to make a cheese board, so I'll be making a cheese board. um and we'll just hang and then probably go get her favorite thing which is a lobster roll close by we'll go get a lobster roll and then we'll just go stare at the yard with them he's like we're gonna make him come back when it's dark out so we can turn on the lights in the backyard and show them how the lights look yeah so that's my weekend um oh my god major life update next door okay you guys you know if you don't know the lore about my neighborhood

we our neighbors renovated their entire house full tear down rebuild whatever what do you call that renovation ground up build but not whatever they fully redid their house put all this money into it whatever it took them like a year and then for the last probably eight months six to eight months since they've moved in they haven't touched their front lawn like they haven't landscaped it planted grass they haven't weed walk they haven't done anything okay so what it's become an eyesore it looks like a cornfield okay it's waist high sometimes like it the weeds get so tall and they also like just aren't they're just great people okay but they just don't take care of their house like at all like it's like they build this new house

and they just don't take care of it they have no they don't take any pride in it like nothing and I told the story about how they had a housewarming party with like 50 people over and the front yard was a cornfield like of weeds and I'm just like a weed walker's like you get a cheap ass one for a couple hundred bucks like they're not anyways it just doesn't it's just not the vibe especially when it's right next door you know what I mean it's like if it was a few houses down I'd have to see it every day be one thing but like it's right next door so the life update is some way somehow we weren't home so I guess we missed it we didn't hear any power or powerful like a lawn mower. We didn't hear a weed walker or anything. They weed whacked it. They cut it. Could have

been a little shorter. I would have gone shorter if it was me. I would have, they like kept a weed that has flowers on it. So that was a choice, which makes sense for them. Like I'm, I'm like, you know what? Of course they fucking did. There's a, there's a, a weed with orange flowers that's kind of bushy it's not a plant they planted okay this is just a weed this is a beautiful weed that's close to their front window they left they left that as a decor a decor feature whatever within this weedy front lawn they they decided to leave that and we'll we'll see what the future holds but they have a young young son i believe he's like 12 he should be out there every fucking weekend with a lawnmower, pushing that, pushing that lawnmower. And, and, and I mean, that's what

I just, I'm happy they did it. I'm happy it's, it's wheat or it's shorter now and it's cleaned up, but I'm like, please. Okay. I hope that was phase one. I hope phase two is you're going to rototill this. You're going to plant some grass. You're going to put down some sod better yet turf. We're thinking about offering our extra turf from our backyard to them. And I, and then I thought about it. I'm like, Corey, no, we can't do that. Cause you know what they'll do? You know what they'll fucking do? They'll just roll it over the weeds. They'll just like patchwork. They'll just like lay it over like a area rug. Like that is what will happen. Like a hundred percent. I have no confidence that they'll do it right. So I was like, do not offer

the turf. So anyways, that's the neighborhood life update. I can move on. Um, I went to UPS. Why did I write that? Oh, um, you know, when people like you're standing in line, I don't know if I should tell the story cause it's negative. They just, you immediately just go, they're annoying. They're an annoying person. Like they're, so I was, I was at UPS and by the way, can we talk about how amazing UPS is? the United Postal Service is the best in the game. Fuck FedEx. Fuck USPS. What are the other ones? Yeah. DHL. I don't know. Best in the game. They'll even ship your USPS stuff for you. They're like,

hey we can't give you a label for it or a receipt or whatever so take a picture to show that you actually like drop this off somewhere or like whatever you can anyways that's what I love about them they're like they're like you don't have to go be in the hell of USPS you can just do it here so I love them for that but anyways I was at UPS and I love the Amazon returns set up at UPS that's why I was there I was doing Amazon returns they have those plastic bags you can quickly like put the label on scan your QR code boom boom boom boom like returns are so seamless FedEx I guess is like that too but I just like UPS better I think I like the people there they're they're from they're Samoan in my neighborhood and they play island music and it's just a vibe they're

really friendly and they were definitely like former college football players or something Like, I'm just thinking about, like, the only Samoans I've ever known in my life were from, or were football players in college. One of them, by the way, like, there's, like, a couple from my college that are full-on, like, playing in the NFL and, like, doing well. So that, one of the games I was watching last season, I was like, wait a minute, I know that name. Wait a minute, I know that face. Oh, my God, I party with him. Oh, my God. And then it was the guy, and I was like, wow, he's still going.

So, I'm at UPS standing in line because one of my camisoles I bought recently, the thing is, and we need to play some content here to break up my voice because, because this goes with the camisole I bought, like the, this video. and sometimes the outfit is titty you know sometimes the outfit is just breast you understand what i'm saying the piece de resistance the focal point the main attraction you know what i mean the guests of honor is tit have you considered that have you thought have you thought about the fact that sometimes the outfit is just tit and okay on that note all the outfits I put on are just hit I can't help it it's so difficult okay the the sweater I'm wearing today it's like unless I'm wearing a fucking sweater the outfit is is giving tit and uh I don't do high neck anything anymore because I learned my I learned about my kibbe

body type and high neck is not flattering on my body type my inverted inverted triangle soft dramatic frame okay and so I'm wearing a lot of like scoop neck v-neck whatever so I bought this camisole from bravissimo I think is how you how you say it now I bought it with the intention of um, I was on the hunt. Oh my God. Excuse me. I didn't talk about my beverages today. I'm drinking a spin drift, a grapefruit spin drift and a plain water. Okay. Did I talk about my lip gloss or any, I didn't, I really didn't do that. I didn't set the scene. Um, can actually put on more lip gloss. I'm wearing this new golf sweater from For All. It's like a retro, I think it's called their Harvard half zip sweater. Okay. Really cute. Oversized. I love

the little sleeve detail, little sweater detail. Okay. So cute. My hair's still wet from the shower. It's like back like Haley Bieber and we are looking cute. Okay. So Bravissimo is this website, this or this, I think they're, it's basically for like D cup and above, which means you're either it's it's for the plus size community honestly I think it's it's a great option for bras and like tops for women with larger chests in the plus size community I think that's like who they market to the most I I'm not I'm plus size in the chest but not in the body like that and so long story short I was looking for a cami with a built-in bra with underwire okay and I was like I know this exists I'm gonna find it and I found it on Bravissimo and I was so

excited I'm like oh my god I don't have to wear like because I don't go no bra in a cami especially like if I want to go out in public like I'm putting on a bra under my tank top okay and I hate strapless bras I don't I hate sticky bras like it's a whole thing okay and especially because I want a dainty strap I want a dainty camisole strap I don't always want a thick strap where I can hide my bra strap right I want a little skinny strap so because like the juxtaposition of the huge tits with the skinny strap like that combo is what I'm going for that's the back to the outfit is giving tit like when I want the outfit to give tit that is what I'm going for So I found this really cute cami from Bravissimo and long story short, it was just all wrong. Okay. Like I got my thought I got my cup size didn't fit. Um, and then the, this, the, it's like, because I got not saying my cup size, but like, because I got the size I got, it meant that the, cause normally in a tank top, I wear a small or an extra small.

Cause they're usually tight and they stretch out, but it was like, I got a double XL because the cup size I got, you know what I mean? So the whole tank top was like twice as wide. Is it twice as wide as I was? Like, it was just way too oversized, like plus size. And so I went to return it long story short. I'm telling the story because this lady in front of me was annoying. And I like, I had a sixth sense. And then I was right because of another, another thing that happened in the parking lot that we'll get to so I couldn't return it long story short because the barcode on the label was faded and they're like hey you gotta like reach out and get a new label and I was like great okay they sent me my they're they sent me the label and

then it wasn't it was faded so it was like nice that they sent me the label with the cami but it yeah I was faded and all fucked up so and it wasn't cheap it was like it was like 120 dollars for that cami maybe not that much yeah it was like over 100 dollars but that's how desperate I was to like get the look I wanted and the support I wanted without having to double up with a bra and a tank top you get the idea so and I just had a flashback of the first time when I started getting it's so weird looking back to the first time like when you're a girl like think about the first time you're like wait I have like a boob coming in that's such a crazy time in your life anyways I'm just I'm having flashbacks

of when I was in like I don't know seventh grade like sixth grade seventh grade going to Costco and getting a pack of like Hanes or fruit of the fruit of the loom camis and I thought it was a big deal that they had that built-in bra which was just like a elastic strap underneath yeah and then I started wearing camis underneath my polos my catholic school polo because it was like you need and then the girls that didn't do it like really needed like there were the girls in class that didn't that with the boobs coming in that didn't wear something underneath and it's just like I don't know I'm glad my mom got when it went into Costco

with us and got us a pack of camis because it just you know it's a little it just flattens the situation because it's just a weird little nub like when you first I just I've never thought of that like since I got since I went through that crazy okay so I'm in line and this woman in front of me. I'm judging a book by its cover. It was just the outfit. She was really well put together, right? Like sparkly sandals, nice, really nice dark wash jeans, nice tote, like a Louis Vuitton Neverfull classic bag. You know, you can't go wrong with a Neverfull hair was really nice. I was noticing how like her hair had no split ends. It was just so shiny and perfect. So she was like put together, right? But it was just the, just the way she was interacting with

the person at the UPS cashier what do you call it the desk and I was just like she doesn't get like this is a simple process you come here with your she didn't have a box she shows up with the thing it looked like it literally looked like she was returning mason jar lids like like she shows up and this is why I was annoyed it's clanking around and she's coming to the front she like pulls them out of her tote this pile of like 10 lids and like clinks them down on the counter she doesn't have a label and I'm standing behind just like waiting patiently right and I'm just like okay like she's gonna get a label and a box and like okay and the she didn't want to like buy a box and so the UPS lady was like you know okay if you don't want to buy a box like there's a

garbage can where people put their Amazon packaging. You could use one of those. And then she goes and looks in the garbage, which was the one I just used. And I was trying to be helpful. I was like, yeah, I just threw one away right there. I was like trying to be helpful, make this process go faster for her. She refused to use it. She's like, oh no, it's okay. I'll just buy a box. So now we're buying a box. Okay. So now it's like, okay, we should have just bought the box in the first place. And I'm like, okay. So she clinks, gets all these clinky lids in the box. And then she's like dicking around on her phone, trying to email a label, the return label. It's like, she was so unprepared. Right. It was just like one of those

things where it's like, there's 10, it became like, there's 10 people behind you. Like you can't do this. So lack of awareness, like just not prepared. Red flags are going up. I'm just like so annoyed. And it just took a while. Okay. The email finally went through, she got the label printed and then she's paying and then she leaves. And then I do my, I go to the front and they are like, Hey, you can't, you got to get a new label for your Bravissimo cami. Okay. Whatever. And so then I go out to my car and I'm in my car and I'm like ready to leave. And you know that feeling when you're in a car and you feel like, I think this happens on the freeway sometimes when you're next to another car, you feel like you're backing up, but it feels like you're going forward.

Okay. That's like, I don't know if you've ever experienced that. So I'm in my car. I'm in the, in front of UPS. I start backing up back, back cam or backup cam is clear. I'm like, okay, I'm backing up. I'm in the clear. And then I noticed to my right, this woman in her little white, probably Jetta. It's like, I don't know, white car, whatever, backing up at the same time, head forward, not even doing a swivel to see like, am I clear what's going on around in my surroundings? It's like I started backing up and she just started backing up the same time, like fast also, by the way, she was going fast. And it was just one of those things where I was like, oh, of course you were just fumbling with the, the, the can lids, the jar lids and the label

in the box in the UPS store. Now you're being weird when you back up. Of course, maybe she's having an off day. I don't know. Um, but just sometimes you're like, are people okay? And then we were doing the thing like as we're backing up where we're like you go no you go no you go and I just like backed I just like took initiative and made her stop because she was being jerky like I'm like backing up still and then she slams on her brakes fast and then I kind of was stopped at that point so I'm like trying to see like what is she gonna do and then she starts going again I just kept going I was like figure it out it's your turn to stop because I started backing up first anyways this is long-winded um i think those are all my life updates life updates could i just

life it did i just go up updates it's my lip gloss getting stuck like my lips are sticking together so i went golfing yesterday and i hit balls which is so me it's like my back hurts and i'm like i'm gonna go hit balls that's so me i'm like i'm at i'm athletic my body isn't fragile i'm not broken i know this like twisting and when i'm doing my my golf swing is is probably gonna just piss off my low back even more but i wanted to go hit balls and so we went and hit balls i honestly woke up fine like i Okay. My truth about the body and like back pain and it's like movement is medicine. You got to lubricate the spine. You got to keep that shit. You got to keep that shit

moving. You can't, when you sit down and you, and you, you'd stop working out and you lay around it stiffens you up it makes it worse so I'm just like hey maybe this will help and I feel like it didn't make it worse I woke up fine it still hurts a little bit but not like oh I went golfing yesterday and I ruined my back so anyways I went golfing I went to the golf mart after which is like the candy store of the candy store of of golf um there's so much there I could spend an like hours in the golf, golf mart. And, uh, yeah, I got this sweater cute and I got Corey new polo and life is good. Okay. So we need to move on. The Met Gala happened. The theme was costume fashion as costume or costume what exactly was the the theme costume

i just typed in costco met gala theme yeah costume art which okay so the 2026 met gala theme is costume art which explores the centrality of the dressed body through art history paired with a fashion is art dress code the theme celebrates fashion as an art form highlighting the intricate relationship between clothing and the human form as featured in the Metropolitan Museum of Art so that's why everyone was dressed with those corsets and like the bodice things and the fucking Heidi Klum was a literal statue you guys the Met Gala wasn't always this costumey if you look back at I know everyone looks back at the 90s so fondly they're like oh the 90s everyone was hot and and normal and they

didn't have uh filler and ozempic face and it was just like class you know what I mean and so when you look back at Met Gala dresses and what people wore back then compared to now, it's like, it's just again, class. Like now it's just freak show. Like let's, let's do the wackiest thing possible. Let's literally dress up like it's Halloween, which is what Heidi Klum did. Yeah. Now people are dressing like it's Halloween to the every single Met Gala. It's too much. It's gone. It's just gone and I'm not one of those people that's like how could this is the Met Gala is so out of touch in these times people are struggling and these wealthy people are just flaunting their wealth and like gathering at these galas and be it's like people talk about like the hunger

games like it's district the district one or whatever the who was like the main lady they they dress in these really like avant-garde avant-garde avant-garde over the top outfits in the hunger games kind of like the met gala-esque okay it was like very the makeup and then there was the peasants the people of district 12 who were like starving okay so that's the that's what people are like comparing this to and I honestly have to say that I don't give a shit about people showing off their wealth celebrities doing it I don't care that Jeff Bezos and and uh why can't I say her name whoa Jeff Bezos wait yeah why can't I say her name I know her name Lauren Sanchez of course Lauren Sanchez

I don't give a shit that they bought this and they run it now or whatever I just I don't care if it like this is my whole take on wealthy people doing wealthy people things they've done that for all of time literally for all of time there's been wealthy people people in the middle and then the poor people like there's always been different wealth classes okay now it's on full display because you have a phone you have access to seeing it at your fingertips every single day of your life okay but at the end of the day like just see it for what it is it can piss you off right but it doesn't need to be like this needs to be reformed the Met Gala needs to be changed these people shouldn't be flaunting their wealth like this anymore they shouldn't it's like shut

the fuck up it's for charity guys it's for charity the Met Gala is a charity thing so it's actually for a good cause and it doesn't bother me I think what bothers me is the outfits now are just getting a little too clownish like I just like who were my best dressed at the Met this year like who was like I like just yes about I always say that that about Kendall I'm always like Kendall's my best dressed it wasn't too much she didn't do too much I love the wing thing she did like when she um like fluffed up her dress and you could see it was like these giant wings just so simple and beautiful like I always like the more simple beautiful dresses versus the like what Kylie wore where it was the peeled off scaparelli like to the top was like she was naked and the bottom was

like a peeled off dress like cool concept and all it's just or what Kim wore a lot of what the Kardashians like stay in their comfort zone when it comes to fashion they always do the same silhouettes the same thing right like especially Kim and Kylie I feel like Kendall doesn't switch she she stays more simple right she stays more on the classy just simple side of things with her her fashion like her I'm talking about their red carpet looks um I don't know what I'm saying I guess Kylie's always in a body con something and I think people are like switch it up like do something different I don't know what that would be like what would be a different vibe for Kylie that is so like it's not showing off her

her body like that maybe like um kind of like a Jackie Kennedy dress just like us what do you call those um it's like a sleeveless high neck with like a little cute collar right above the knee a little peep toe heel just like a straight down you know something that's like fashion-y and not like fashion-ova that's what I want Kylie to maybe switch up and like just something like oversized or just cool you know same with Kim I'm like I just didn't love the orange um let me look at Kim's outfit again Kim Kardashian I just honestly people liked it I just think her hair was wrong I just thought she looked like a hot mess honestly that was my first impression it was like something about the height she wasn't wearing pants I don't think it

was her best look I'm trying to like what was her best look for me and at the Met Gala my favorite Met Gala look ever is Rihanna in that sheer sparkly dress with that headpiece thing god and this year she dressed like an oyster or something she was like a metallic oyster and apparently her and her and asap people read way too much in their relationship like they're like it's a lavender marriage and he's he's humiliating her how he flirts with other women and she knows that he does that and look at how they were acting in the bus after the Met Gala. They look like they were at each other's throats, pissed off. It's like, they're just a married couple. That's like a typical

Tuesday night. Like they looked like they were just kind of getting into it. Maybe just something annoyed them. And like, they're just, they're exhausted. It's a long night and they're just kind of having a little thing. That's a normal married couple like dynamic. It's not like we need to overthink and read into it further than that. I don't know much about their marriage and their relationship other than I think how many kids do they have like three now um I love them or I love Rihanna I don't know that much about Yusuf Rocky other than he's gorgeous and she's gorgeous and I know I don't know I've have I seen their kids do they really show them um Kim Kardashian my god I need to see this full outfit like a full body 2026 it was because for

me it was like the blonde hair wasn't the blonde hair down and and all of these outfits they were were inspired by some piece of art or something every single one of them like that there's always a reason behind it but kim was in this like orange superhero suit i don't think orange is her color i mean of course she can wear anything she's beautiful of course i think that about kim Kardashian whatever I just thought it wasn't her best and I didn't like how short the she had this orange like bodysuit metallic thing and then no pants it was like she it was like cut like a big like a like a bathing suit like a one piece then she had this cape thing around her ass I don't know but it was just short I feel like if that was longer and it actually like draped on the

floor a little bit. I think that would have made sense. I just didn't like how it cut her at her ankle. Um, the proportions on this were just off to me. I loved Haley Bieber's. I don't love the color on her. I think as someone who's super into color analysis, I don't know if that was her best color combo, the gold with the really deep blue. That was like a deep winter girly color. I don't know if she, she seems more like a, what does Haley Bieber seem like a spring? She, of course, she's like a spring or summer no but she's warm is she uh an autumn I don't know um but that blue was very deep winter I think she looked beautiful though like I think I loved her her jewelry her simple jewelry and her slick back I know that's controversial everyone's like wear your hair down

but like that's her signature look she looked beautiful like her and Kendall always look the best like her Kendall Kylie honestly too but I don't I didn't love the blonde eyebrows this year yeah Heidi Klum it's just like have some respect like it's like she was going to a Halloween party like this it was so unserious it's cool to see like here's what I will say it's art right like costume art so it's supposed to be costumey it's supposed to be kind of over the top like that because of the theme I guess like no one looked terrible who Heidi Klum I guess you could argue did but it wasn't like too it wasn't like offensive it's just did they used to have themes like this back in the day I

feel like people just dress up kind of like the Oscars like really nice and classy maybe there was a color theme I don't know they should just do a color theme at the Met this year everyone wear pink or like a theme where it's like it's the interpretation can't be like like be a clown it's like I don't know okay so did I okay so that's the Met Gala I missed the Kentucky Derby like I saw it but I didn't talk about it I haven't talked about it yet my heart you guys I'm obsessed with Golden Tempo. I'm obsessed with this horse. I love him. I just, I love him. And I see these videos of him like in the barn and just, or like getting a bath or walking with his groom and like with his trainer. What is her name? Sherry. Hold on. I got to say it right. Cause it's

kind of a hard name for me to say. Devo Devo golden tempo trainer. He's not doing the Preakness because it's just too soon. Um, uh, or it's too close to the Kentucky Derby. And that's why a lot of the horses that race in the Kentucky Derby don't race in the Preakness. They need to space that out further because allegedly like they need more time to recover from the the derby even though it's like however long they race I guess it's I mean yeah it's it's probably and that's the thing about horse racing I've kind of turned a corner on because I used to be like this is animal abuse this is so fucked up the way they immediately euthanize them if they trip or whatever. Like it's sad. Like a lot of horses

die every year. I think the number is getting smaller and smaller. Um, you know, shit happens. It's, it's, it's not, it's not great. Um, but so, but I've turned a corner cause I'm like, look, all of these people involved want what's best for the animal. And like i really believe that like they're doing the best they're trying it's an athlete to them like they're like we're gonna feed them perfectly we're gonna exercise them perfectly we're gonna let them rest enough we're gonna strap their legs perfectly whatever they do we're gonna like take tender loving like care like treat this animal's tender loving care because we want to win this race, we want to make a fuck ton of money off this horse. So I turned a corner in that way

where I'm like, wait a minute. When I think of it like that, and it's not just like, Oh, a horse, it's just a number. No, no. It's like, there's money on the line. Of course, they're going to do the best job they can with these animals. And when it comes to running multiple races in the same season, cause they only can run. I think, I don't know if it's just the Derby or if it's all of them. I think, you know, it's all of them because the only way you can win the triple crown is if you're three years old and you win all three um but the preakness is too close apparently to the derby where a lot of these horses don't run it and then because of golden tempos the type of they call him a closer or whatever like he runs he takes his fastest strides

to then he closes the show okay like he did at the derby which is which was so sick i love the the overhead view of you of watching golden tempo in dead last just like yeah you guys go ahead do your thing and then over time he starts creeping up takes the outside finds elaine just goes boop and wins it like i it's such a great story it's such a great story the fact that um sherry devoe that's how you say it it's the first female trainer to win the derby is we love her story we love women we love women in sports we love women winning um so that's amazing for her and she's so chill about it she's like um

she doesn't want it to be a big deal i guess that she's a woman that it's like she she doesn't want that rec it doesn't seem like she's you know what I mean like she's just like gracious and like she's very normal I like that about like that about her like when she does these interviews about gold tempo like I can play one here um she's just really like I love the way she talks about it I'm not big on giving a whole bunch of instructions to any of the jockeys and all I said was last time you commented that the horse wants to run inside but there's a lot more traffic so don't overthink it just you know if you can get out just get a clear path and make a run get out get a if you get out get it make and you get a clear path make a run it's exactly what

golden tempo did she's just chill i like her disposition i think um it's an amazing story i'm trying to think of how she came up like her story i think here's the guy telling the story she was a pre-med student, then dropped it to walk hot horses around a racetrack for almost no money. Five years under one trainer, eight more as an assistant to another. 13 years before her name went on a barn. 152 years of the Kentucky Derby, only 17 women had ever saddled a horse in a race. zero had ever won yesterday cherie devoe entered her first derby horse a 23 and one long shot named golden tempo who started the race in dead last and won the run for the roses at the same track where she got her first job 22 years ago creators the grind is in 18 months it's 18 years

She didn't ask the Derby for history. She just kept showing up until history had no choice. You guys, this makes me emotional because I'm a podcast host who's like on year six. And when I saw him or when he said it took her 13 years to get her name on the side of a barn, I'm like, I'm on year six. Like, I'm just getting started. I'm so just like Sherry, Cherie. Cherie DeVoe. Cherie? I think it's, yeah, Cherie. Just like Cherie, I'm very chill and I'm very measured about what I'm doing here. And I love like the long game of this podcasting thing I do. I think, or I'm in it for the long haul, right? And I kind of, I know that's going to be the path for me. And I think that stories like this just give me hope. I don't know. um because because you know what it is it's that when I see a story like this I'm like she does it

for the love of the game sure it's nice she's the first female trainer to win the derby but like she truly like loves her job she loves this horse she loved like it's her passion you know what I mean and so um the people in this life that do things for the love of the game and pure passion not everyone but I would say that the pattern I've recognized is that over time those people become wildly successful they've stayed the course they've stayed the track okay they've stayed yeah and it works out for them eventually I mean that's just my mantra that's what keeps me going every day and I don't overthink that I should pivot and do something different and change my career and not do podcast no no I'm just like hey once I see that once I see that

what did she say that opening I'm gonna make a run you know what I mean that's how social media growth happens it's it's very steady steady steady slow growth so slow growth slow growth and then boom exponential growth like something will pop you off and then boom that's what happened to me on TikTok. I, one, one day I put chicken in a crock pot. The video got millions of views and the rest is history. I had nothing to do with the fact I'm a podcast host. It was just like, I put chicken in a crock pot, you know? So yeah, I love this story. I just love golden. He's so beautiful horses. Like now I'm on horse TikTok and horse racing TikTok and horse riding TikTok horse people tiktok and i'm like damn i want to get back into it like i just like fucking love

horses and he's so beautiful his eyes like when he looks and you see the whites of his eyes oh my god i could cry he's so beautiful with his cross on his forehead the thing is though i selfishly okay so who was american pharaoh was the so secretariat how many okay wait triple crown winners hold on let me get the history here right so secret i swear it was like since 1973 no one had won the triple crown until american pharaoh am I getting that right or 1978 okay so there's only been what 17 or excuse me only 13 so only 13 horses have won the American cripple no only 13 horses have won the American triple crown so that includes the Kentucky Derby the Preakness Stakes and the

most recent winners are justify and American Pharaoh. So 2018 and 2015, but since, so American Pharaoh won in 2015, but before that, the last triple crown winner was affirmed the name of the horse in 1978. Secretariat was 1973. Um,

the first horse to win the triple crown was Sir Bart, Sir Barton, 1930 Gallant Fox, 1935 Omaha, Omaha, 1937 oh this is a great name war admiral great name for the times 1941 whirl away 1943 count fleet 1946 assault great name oh my god assault is such a great name for a horse 1948 citation 73 secretariat that's honestly the best name for a horse secretariat it's just

yeah uh 77 seattle slew 78 affirmed that american pharaoh in 15 and justify in 2018 so selfishly you guys because i love a great story i'm like it's not enough that he's that it's not enough that it that golden tempo for me it's not enough for me that Golden Tempo started in dead last and won the Kentucky Derby. And Cherie DeVoe is the first female Kentucky Derby or first female trainer to win the Kentucky Derby. That's not enough for me. Like that's such a great story. That could be a book. That could be a movie. Right. But selfishly I'm like, and he's just not this kind of horse. He's just not he he's an amazing horse but like i need him to win the triple crown for him to win the preakness

and then to win the belmont i mean like that that would be the store like the you know what i mean but it's not gonna happen and that's that again that that goes back to these trainers and these these owners these riders all these people involve doing what's best for the horse and that it's not best for the horse to push them and make them run the Preakness. And it's different. It's a different distance. Um, I think the Preakness is a mile. How I'm getting into the weeds. Sorry. Um, we'll do the quiz. We're coming up on the quiz. We're coming up. This is a long episode. We'll get there. Um, but damn they ride so fast and like the thing about the derby I was learning is that the track

is um soft like the dirt is soft where their feet collapse more into it which is crazy um um god I watched this devastating video somewhere of a horse horse race gone wrong somewhere in in korea like south korea or china i'm not quite sure which country it was in asia but the horse's leg snapped like completely snapped and he was trying to run still on the fucking stub of his leg and they had to put him down and like in that situation i'm like fuck they had to put the the they come around with the the tent around them kind of and like they surround it's so awful it's so fucking awful hurts my heart um so yeah I guess I'm in

my net my latest hyper fixation thing is horse racing stuff um also I put this on the list today my other hyper fixation or none of that rabbit hole I went down last night it was it was my first home alone night or Corey went to San Francisco last or yesterday and so it was my first night by myself um just home alone with the dogs and instead of like watching reality tv watching the haunted virus news or whatever the fuck is on the tv fox news cnn um I don't think there were any basketball games last night instead of doing that I was just down the rabbit hole and about the crisis of trust in America because you guys I'm I'm I'm into or I'm in tune with patterns and

things that happen consistently over time and I notice things right and I think the current state of our country, we're kind of in a severe point of, or it's getting pretty severe how we don't trust anything we see. Like I was down the rabbit hole about that. I might touch on that a little bit and share with you what I learned because it's existed in history before. But I'm like, what does the society turn into when no one believes anything they see? They don't trust their government they don't trust the media what what what what does that become how does that manifest and like obviously a lot of things can go wrong in that situation so um we talked about oh i guess west wilson i guess west wilson from summer house

his nudes leaked i don't fucking care i'm i'm so off of the reality tv drama right now and alex versus alex stuff like that's just that was so two weeks ago you know um apparently the latest article is that she doesn't sleep with her husband they're sleeping in separate beds i don't like how does anyone know this information in the first place and then i guess on one of her recent videos she wasn't wearing her wedding ring it's like sometimes i like don't I I take mine off and I like forget I don't think I ever forget to record with it because it's part of my recording routine I do all my jewelry and everything I like remember to put everything on and fix my busted nails because I always have a busted nail but

it's stupid I honestly feel bad for her at this point I'm like if her husband is an asshole and yells at people like I feel bad that excuse me. I know like in my heart that would never be said about my husband ever in any situation. If he was running a company like unwell, you would never, no one that would never become a vanity fair article because apparently a vanity fair articles coming out about Matt Kaplan or the unwell network. Like that's what everyone's been mentioning as to why alex cooper addressed the alex earl beef thing in the first place to like redirect block and bridge the pr thing the block and bridge to redirect people's attention to something else

instead of her company and her husband and the vanity fair article coming out and like the drama of that but when i think about like who i married i'm like there's no world where that would ever happen because i know like that's just not who he is so sometimes you marry an asshole and like that's and you go into it kind of knowing they're that way but it's like I don't know it's hard to run a company it's hard to run it's like a startup when I think about it what they're doing um but yeah so I kind of feel bad if he's not like the greatest suite I mean people have sides to them though like I can put things in a box I can go okay like maybe with her everything's beautiful and great which is hopefully what's going on obviously um they're newly married

and then like business wise he lets the he lets it fly he screams at people but i have no idea they're just kind of i feel like everyone's moving on um yeah i think the vanity Fair article will come out. Alex Earle's Netflix documentary will come out. I have no idea if she'll ever explain this. I think it's going to just fade away. I think the beef between Alex and Alex is just going to like fade into nothing. Who knows? I don't know. So former FedEx driver sentenced to death for killing Athena Strand. This is so awful. I had this as a for the news segment today him getting sentenced to death because it's just

crazy to hear okay so so here's the story so it's awful so Athena Strand was murdered in the back of a FedEx truck I think she was seven years old in 2022 by Tanner Horner former FedEx driver um so he kidnapped yeah she was seven so he kidnapped and killed her after delivering what would have been her Christmas present and he pled guilty okay and then he was just sentenced to death I guess there's been a trial ongoing trial for like four weeks um something that I thought was interesting is that he claimed that he has this alter ego. So yeah. Okay. This is the thing that I was trying to recall because I was trying to tell the story of this murder, this Athena Strand murder to

Corey. And I was trying to recall what I read about his alter ego. And I've, I feel like I've heard other people that have other murderers kind of claim that they become like possessed by something like this so when Horner was initially arrested he misled investigators about what happened to Strand he told investigators she was already dead when he put her in the back of his FedEx truck which was disproven by an image captured by his truck's camera showing her alive next to him while he was driving I think that's the video we've all seen Horner also led investigators to a thicket on the side of the rural road saying he had put her body there Texas Ranger job his name's job Texas Ranger job Espinoza maybe they meant to write Joe

job Espinoza was eventually able to get an accurate information out of Horner by addressing him as Zero, which is Horner's supposed alter ego. So if you address him as Zero, he would, I guess, talk. In quotes, I played his game and I spoke to Zero, as Spinoza testified. Ultimately, it's about locating Athena and getting the truth. And whatever he wants to be called, I'm willing to do that as long as it means actually getting to the truth. so Horner said when Zero takes over it feels like he's in the back seat of a car being driven by someone else other times he said it feels like he's in the trunk of the car so he has no control over his body he's being controlled by something else um

I guess he was so Tanner Harder was bullied as a child is on the autism spectrum and had a high exposure to lead that might and had a high exposure to lead that may have had made him this is wordy more likely to commit a criminal offense high exposure i'm not sure what that means uh he also had a history of child sexual abuse allegations and was seen on video telling young athena strand to take her clothes off before yeah it was horrible i can't even read that um but anyways here's his him getting sentenced to death it's just crazy to hear the judge like utter these words it's in texas so of by the way as he should and i hope that the inmates do their job breathe between the lines

Mr. Horner if you'd stand please it's the order of the court that you Tanner Lynn Horner's been adjudged to be guilty of the offensive capital murder as found by the jury jury having answered the special issues making it mandatory that your punishment be death it is therefore the order of court that your punishment be death before the hour of sunrise on a day date to be determined by this court what he took from this world is not just a child i can't watch this the dad the other video i watched was more in depth about like the injection like he'll be Lethal injection, you know I think it's this one

Mr. Horner, if you'd stand please It is therefore the order of this court That your punishment be death Before the hour of sunrise On a date to be determined By this court Upon a mandate of affirmance issued by the Texas Court of Criminal Appeals at the State

Penitentiary in Huntsville, Texas You will be caused to die In accordance with the rules and regulations established by the texas department of criminal justice until you said tanner horner are dead damn it's dark i i just it's a it's a horrible horrible story um and then when you find out about the audio that no one should ever have to listen to and just i guess the autopsy of her and the recent thing i learned was that he potentially stomped her to death on the head

because she had like van shoe markings which i guess were the shoes he was wearing so and like and the the dark part like the horrible part it's all bad every single part of it is bad equally like everything but that she didn't fully like die and he had to like keep trying to kill her you know so horrible but now we know he'll be put to death lethal injection shout out texas one um okay this is getting long but should we do the crisis of trust rabbit hole or people who are around surrounded by chaos tiktok I sometimes you see a TikTok and you're just like yes yes to all of this they said it perfectly and I'm just gonna play this do we have other fuck there's Mike Vrabel

first of all I don't like his last name is tough for me it's like is it Vrabel no it's like Vrabel just like the vrs mike vrabel um there's new diana rossini and mike vrabel like images of her pregnant on this boat outing i mean she's she was fully pregnant like eight months pregnant banging this dude like what the fuck and she wasn't married for that long she got married in 2022 and she had a couple kids and then he was married since he got with his college sweetheart Mike Vrabel's wife he got with her in 99 so they've been married for a long time but like you're this Diana Rossini's recently married and just immediately like having an

affair like after like not even that much time like right away because if you do that if you do the math when did she get married I swear she got married in 22 hold on yeah she's she got married to Kevin Goldschmidt the vice president a vice president in Shake Shack okay excuse me they've been married since 2020 so the affair she's having with Mike Frabel is so she gets married and has an affair at the same time then they have a child born in 2021 and then 2022 and I believe the second second child's name was Mike you marry someone this is supposed to be like the high of your life like the love of your life you're getting married and then right away you're just splitting time with I don't get it and being pregnant doing that it's like bad juju for the

baby this is such a bad yeah so I guess that's the latest just terrible um so let's play the type of person that I've had to be increasingly difficult to be around as I've gotten older are people who are constantly surrounded by chaos no matter what is happening it just feels like they're they're always going through something right this big dramatic life altering thing and they're always talking about it and no matter what happens it's always something and I just find it so so exhausting because it's draining right you're always talking to them it's emotionally draining um and also these types of people always talk about themselves everything always comes back to them even if you're going through something what they're going through is worse and I find

that to be really frustrating and draining conversations and I also think a part of the reason why it annoys me so much is I think that people who like truly seek out chaos in their life and seem to constantly be surrounded by it they do it as a distraction for their own life and their own purpose they know that they're not being the best version of themselves working towards a goal whatever it is and in order to distract themselves from that they love to be surrounded by chaos spectacle you know calamity because it gives them something to do it gives them something to talk about it it feels like a purpose to them okay it feels like a purpose to them on on that note what she just said i don't want to lose my thought this is why it is so

important to have a purpose to have a why to know what you want because when you're a person who has that I'll use myself for an example when people when there's chaos and drama and stupid stress and people problems and bullshit that a lot of it is just like not even worth discussing because it's so stupid in the first place you don't have time for it you're focused on your priorities you're focused on your goals you're focused on your purpose and and what matters and so you're you're not able to be distracted by that so that's why my biggest fucking mantra especially for women listening to this podcast is know what you want like go after it stay the course and don't get in the weeds and don't get swept up in especially like people problems and like

drama because it's gonna and I think that's just in general with life like you don't have to I love this like it's kind of a stoic mindset that one of the stoics I think says this I don't know which one one's one of the philosophers whatever it's like you don't have to have a strong opinion about everything so when a little thing happens in a relationship with a person you're dealing with or a friend a family member that you don't have to have a hundred 100 out of a 100 reaction and opinion about it this is what you need to do you need to be able to look at what that problem you're perceiving as a problem is and you need to tell yourself that this is fucking stupid and it's not worth my time

to even entertain thoughts that this is like you don't need to like you need to tell yourself that it's not your it's like not your circus not your monkeys that's the best quote too it's like not my circus not my monkeys not everything needs to be your circus and your monkeys and so the back to what she said like people that are constantly surrounded by chaos constantly surrounded by drama and there's always fucking something because there's people you know in your life where you're like it's always something here we go again what's it going to be this week or it's like always the same thing and what you find about people though what you find about those people well I found about those what I find this is I'm speaking from experience I'm sure this is

relatable is that you realize that yeah this person is easily distracted by things that becomes like their life because they don't have a true purpose they've never really pursued what they truly want and they don't have they can they float in the wind right like they're easily swayed by drama but the people that aren't swayed by drama the people that don't let allow that in are focused it's about being focused this is a self-help podcast um and what you find and i think this is the most relatable thing is that those people never ask about you somehow the conversation always ends up about them and their shit and they don't really ever ask about you it's a weird thing you're like okay i'm bonding with this person over their life and their drama

and this is making them feel good because this is what makes this is what keeps them alive like this is this has become their life like their brain is just always in this stuff so when you talk with them and bond with them over or or listen to them talk about it and like be like and you're like yeah yeah fuck that that's stupid that so and so did that you kind of like go along to get along like agree with them about it because you're like okay I can't just tell them this drama is stupid because they'll cut my head off and they'll be like fuck you um a lot of the times they don't like to be told like you can't you you have to basically agree with it and you just have to go with it um but you find like that's your relationship it's bonding over their drama

it's bonding over their bs it's not mutual you sharing about your life and like the and and this is the bullshit part oh fuck this is the bullshit part when you god forbid you talk about your life and say anything along the lines of things are great. I'm happy. I feel amazing. Life is going well. Business is great. I have no problems. Wow. I'm having a great spring. Oh my God. I'm doing this new thing and it's making me feel good. I have this new goal. I'm pushing myself harder than Jim or like whatever the fuck it is. That's like a positive thing. They literally can't relate to it. They literally feel awkward. Like, I mean, I think the most they can say is great. That's happy for you. That's it. They can't relate to

joy. They literally cannot relate to joy. They can't relate to other people's. It's like a weird, and I think it's all based on like everything in life, your nervous system and your childhood stuff. And you've been programmed a certain way. And if you don't like break those patterns and deprogram yourself from operating in a certain way then that will continue and so I think the way I have healed in my life and the way that I have as much as I'm bitching complain on here which is kind of what I'm doing right now but this TikTok really fired me up I was like yeah like I literally can't be friends with people that are like this I can't be I can't be close to people that are like this because you know why you can't get close to people

that are constantly surrounded by chaos and drama and that's all you ever talk about and they never really ask about you the fact that they can't join you and your joy and your positive things in your life because they can't relate to it that makes it feel lonely when you say something positive about your life and when you share about you and all they want to do is dump on you about their drama and their chaos right like that's they're just like on the edge of their seat waiting to do that and talk about themselves so when you go to talk and when you say something about your life which typically when you're just a person who's happy-go-lucky things are great you really don't have a lot of drama and chaos because you don't allow that in and it just doesn't exist because

you've set your life up properly or like in my opinion properly they just go oh happy for you great oh yeah but it's like yada yada and so it doesn't feel genuine they're not like oh my god like that's so amazing like they can't they don't like get in there with you in the joy and that feels disingenuous and so that's why it feels lonely in the relationship because like you're empathizing you're kind of connecting to them over their drama but they can't do it back when it comes to your joy so if if there's two people and this is why misery loves company when there's two people that are miserable oh that's a great relationship that's a great relationship they can bond over that together but when you're a happy person

when you're a joyful person when you're and isn't that the goal like life's like is that and I hate like this is like kind of going on too long this segment but I hate that like something that I've been gaslit into thinking about myself is that there's something wrong with me in my way of thinking when it comes to this because hey Jacqueline not everyone thinks like you. Hey, Jacqueline, not everyone, just because you're so positive and you think that life should be like, you should strive for like positivity and happiness doesn't mean everyone else is like that. And sometimes people have an edge and a chip and they thrive, like they need to have resistance and chaos and like, and that's okay too. And it's like, so bitching to bitch makes

you happy then and what you'll catch this is crazy watch when these people talk about their drama and their chaos they're smiling they're smiling like you'll catch them smiling about it they'll be saying the worst thing ever to you they'll be like swearing about another person they'll be like pissed off about another person or telling about this drama or this shit and they'll literally literally be smiling as they're saying it it's like a body language thing you'll pick up on so that's where I'm at I guess that's true like yeah not everyone thinks like you Jacqueline but like when you're the opposite and you thrive off of there's always something there's always drama it's it never ends those people in their own fucked up way are happy too

what's sad to me and again this is just like I feel like this is the healthy way to think about this what's sad to me is that their nervous system relates to pain and struggle and chaos and stress like it literally feels good when that's going on than it does when there's peace love happiness and joy but like fuck me for saying that you know what I mean like I'm a piece of like I will be gaslit and told like there's something wrong with me for saying that so yeah I don't know I just like that TikTok really made me it really resonated with me who who who posted that Abe Froman Abe Froman on TikTok okay so we're gonna get to the quiz

should we go down the rabbit hole about the crisis of trust it's now 11 13 a.m i this is getting long but i love you know me can't help myself i love podcasting i love doing long episodes so basically i was trying to figure out like what happens to a society because because of hantavirus now and because of the epstein files because of this recent attempted attempted assassination on trump and people being like it's staged immediately right like everything is whenever something bad happens when it comes to especially like government stuff politics trump when there's shootings when there's protests when there's for example like what happened in minnesota you know people talk about like crisis

actors and this person went through this government cia program when they were in high school and now they're a op for israel like now they're like and then all of a sudden they show up to this event and this thing they do then they go attempt to shoot the president and or like whatever and it's like they were just in a black rock video like the guy um on the roof god rest his soul fuck now they're like and then they're then the people are like the pennsylvania first the assassination attempt on trump the ear shot that was staged so like everything now is we don't believe what we see we're immediately going to be like something's up right and so when a society chronically does that which is i feel like where we're at now and especially in the age of the

internet and people investigating everything and having access to information at an insane level especially now with ai and because of what happened i think it's a post-covid thing too like what happened during COVID we're all, we were all lied to. So we're just like, okay, so what can we believe? Right. Like trust broke down. So like our trust in our government broke down and the media broke down, um, pretty catastrophically during COVID. So I'm like, what happens? Like, how do you, does the government, do we ever, do they ever get our trust back? You know, what does that look like? And so I'm like going down the rabbit hole last night reading about this and i'm just going to kind of like read off here what i gathered so

um the u.s and a lot of the west are arguably in a pretty advanced stage of institutional distrust right now um this is what happens when large portions of the population no longer trust government media science institutions oh yeah nasa going behind the moon people are like these are AI images these videos are this is a green screen like no one believed that but yet in back in the back when we first went to the moon that was like a spectacle and everyone everyone like believed everyone trusted and everyone had hope and and awe and wonder and like now everyone's just like sure maybe we did maybe we didn't but there's like a healthy level of we probably didn't now so science institutions universities intelligence agencies corporations

yeah everyone shits on the cia and the fbi now okay cia was involved in jfk assassination the fbi didn't investigate charlie kirk's murder appropriately probably because it's like okay so there these are related terms to what i just described epistemic crisis so a society no longer agrees on what is true hyper reality people experience reality through media narratives more than direct experience information decay facts become more unstable or impossible to verify that seems like what's going to happen because of ai information decay and instability with information or with facts post-truth society emotional identity emotion identity and tribal affiliation matter more than objective facts manufactured consent fatigue people feel

they've been propaganda propagandized too many times all these things describe where we're at now what feels like where we're at now especially just with like internet culture i'm talking about the reality it's like how do you separate that right what's actually like the internet and the reality it's like becoming one right like it's blurring it's been blurring forever but like or for a really long time um but this is what it feels like when you go on the internet and you see how people react to these events because if you go out in public and talk to people i feel like it does match though like when you have deep convos late night with your friends you talk about this kind of stuff they're kind of sharing similar sentiments as the random internet people you see

online talking about it so because we're all watching the same tiktoks and we're just we're seeing the same news feeds and we're seeing we're seeing a lot I mean everyone has a different algorithm or what's served in them is a little different but you get the idea um what I just said reality fragmentation everyone lives in a different algorithmic lives in different algorithmic realities online. Yeah. That's a huge one. Um, so in the older areas, eras, you would, Oh, I saw this video and it meant something, or you'd say, yeah, I saw this video and that you felt something like it meant something or there's photographic proof. So because there's evidence

you believe like photographic evidence or a video you believe it and now because of ai it's like that's out the window that's what people think now like even evidence we don't believe evidence like photographic and video evidence um yeah because you think this could be ai this could be edited this could be staged um so a society runs on invisible agreements we agree on basic facts we agree on what happened yesterday we agree institutions are mostly real and functional we agree elections courts science journalism etc are at least somewhat legitimate but when those agreements erode societies tend to become more tribal more conspiratorial more emotionally reactive more cynical more populous less governable and if you watch this show like if

you watch me from the beginning and I think just the way I am I am I question everything I I'm a curious person I like to ask well why is that the way like I never just accept what is I'm always like with certain things I'm always like well why you know I always like zoom out look for other you know possibilities and connections and um I consider multiple truths okay which is I feel like a healthy way to think being able to tell yourself or like you you have to be able to accept that multiple things can be true that's a you have that's where you have to start as a person now in this society like two things can be true at once and if you can't do that in your brain

You kind of, you just seem stupid at this point. Like that's yeah. Um, and I, I think when you're in, when you're in conversation conversations with people that can do that, they can hold multiple truths. It's such a healthy conversation. It's such a productive conversation because you can acknowledge that, Hey, I don't agree with this, but this is a fact. This is true, but this is also true. I agree with this side, but I don't agree with that. But these are both facts. These are both existing at the same time and these are both true and let's like kind of form an opinion based on that from these two pieces of evidence that do you know what i mean it's like not it's it's productive it's not just black and white um so historically this kind of distrust tends

to emerge after repeated shocks or perceived lies so um you know financial financial collapses corruption scandals media manipulation um wars justified with false claims visible elite like government hypocrisy um and once trust breaks it's very hard to rebuild uh so it goes back to relationships like when you're in a relationship you break trust it's over right Like you can't get that back. It's really hard to get trust back. Um, so what it turns into and it's like nihilism, right? Nothing is real. Just you're, you're paranoid. Nothing is real. Um, truth is unstable. Meaning is unstable. It doesn't exist. Institutions are hollow. like life can feel, it basically feels meaningless and absurd and directionless

and you believe nothing. And so that's how far this goes. And I think I have a slight, I think a lot of people do right now. Um, they have a healthy level of skepticism and it can become a little nihilistic. Um, and you, you don't want to go that far. Um, there's different types of nihilism. There's existential nihilism. Life has no inherent meaning. I don't think we're there. I think it's, um, this is, this is a perfect descriptor for, I think where we're at in terms of nihilism right now. Epistemological nihilism, certainty or knowledge or true knowledge may be impossible because we don't know what to believe we don't know what's real and what's not real certainty or or true like knowledge or facts like to to to be certain about facts feels

impossible um because of manipulation with ai and the media and government like you you know you don't know who to trust you don't know what's real what's staged did trump really get shot in the ear was that all bullshit you know was this fucking who got shot i love i have god god rest his soul charlie kirk what was that was that some inside job like this recent assassination attempt at the white house correspondence dinner like you know what i mean everything's like well so um I've always liked Nietzsche Nietzsche Friedrich Friedrich I can never say his name his quotes I used to like in college I used to have like I always liked his quotes but he was

a famous I wouldn't say he like he like warned about nihilism more than he than the fact that he was like a true nihilist um I think his worldview was like he had like a I wouldn't say like full-on pessimistic worldview but like he was yeah more like he he he like was a healthy he had skepticism and like he warned about it and um but anyway so yeah this was a rabbit hole I went down. And it really fascinates me because of where I find myself as a consumer of, of news and where I'm seeing other people like online or how I'm seeing other people online react and then report on it. Right. So this haunted virus is a great example. And that's kind of where this, this came from because I'm watching the news last night. And then I'm like, wait a

minute here we go again and we are already like this is bullshit they're they're they're pulling our chain they're planting this virus for another world worldwide pandemic and you know so I'm like great once again we see something on the news and we just I think the last time truly the last time i turned or i looked at a piece of media and was like full-on like trust i believe this this is real this isn't being overblown or whatever was when i was at my timeshare job back in 2020 i had for like two months before i got um laid off because of pandemic. And I'm, I get this newspaper on my desk and it's the, it's the front page is coronavirus is first case in the U S or something. And it's the hazmat suits and it's the people

coming off the cruise ship or whatever. I think it was in San Diego. And I just remember seeing that and being like, Oh fuck. And then I turned on the news and I was like, Oh fuck. And I was literally like believing it to the point where I'm like holding my breath in the grocery store. Okay. I was like, I'm going to die. Like this is real. And then over time we learned it's all bullshit. I mean, it's not all bullshit. People did die. Lots of people died, but the, you learned over time that the, the, the way in which they went about locking us down, just so many things got the businesses closed from it. I mean, that was just bullshit. Um, the way it collapsed a lot of small businesses and the way people couldn't see their loved ones in the hospital when they

were dying or like when you're giving birth and you can only have one person or like whatever, it was just all bullshit. Like the way that once we figured all that out, that's like when I turned a corner and that's when I started podcasting. Right. Like that's when I, I started, I started my show in September, 2020, but like right when I got that newspaper, that was probably the last time i was like a true believer in in media i was like trying to think of a time before where i mean i've heard about conspiracies before like vegas shooting stuff or other tragic events that have happened where i'm like yeah there's some fuckery here but not on the level of covid definitely not on the level of that um and i immediately started following a doctor i forget

his name and, and someone who was aware of like something operation 2030 or whatever. And I was like starting to get things in my ear that maybe there's a bigger thing going on here than just, oh, there's, there's a virus spreading. There's like a, you know, a little bit of a, a plan or some sort of like pre oh and then the the meeting of like the of bill gates and i don't know they're like rich people billionaires prior to 2020 in like november that whole situation like i started hearing about stuff and learning about stuff and then now we all know that it was bs and So, um, the vaccine, that whole situation, the aftermath of the vaccine, uh, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. Okay. So, um, yeah, that's my rabbit hole. The next evolution probably has to be radically

transparent or like in terms of government to like get any trust back like they're gonna have to show their sources um there's got to be they have to be able to admit uncertainty correct their errors show receipts they can't use obvious propaganda and framing um so like i don't have like confidence that that's going to happen so that's what i'm saying like if our government's going to continue being the way it is and if the media is going to report the way it's been reporting i think things have to obviously they're going to evolve and shift but i don't think it's going to go to like full transparency unless unless ai takes over to the point where they can't fucking hide because the people are going to know like everything will be exposed everything

all the information will be out you can never like have a private conversation and plan a worldwide pandemic or a or a war or a gen like whatever like you can't get away with anything people are gonna have to start using like learning sign language but even then the satellites are gonna like be able to i'm going on a tangent but like let me have this they're gonna of like infrared what do you call it like x-ray vision your house where you're having the sign language conversation with like net and yahoo about some sort of plot i don't fucking know like some sort of thing you're planning that you can't document anywhere you can't say out loud you can't like get the only way you can do to sign language i don't know um and they're gonna

to be able to like just decode that like full surveillance state like you can't hide that's the only way i mean i don't know at that point the ai will probably just be running everything i don't you guys again we're gonna die in 2029 so yeah it's either gonna be the hanta or the the apophis asteroid that'll take you out so don't worry about any of this um yeah okay so fucking thank you sorry i haven't done one of those tangents in a while episode three of the seeker project series here comes the quiz you guys i'm pregnant

if you're new here and you didn't listen the first two episodes i am with child can you tell i honestly posted my golf swing videos yesterday and i was like if anyone is skeptical or wondering or suspicious like i feel like i looked a little chub which i I, I have, I've put on, how much have I put on? 10. So yeah, like I'm, you know, we're thickening up. We're, we're growing a child. We don't, we're, we're living. And, um, today's quiz is going to be the gender reveal quiz. Okay. That's my, that's my secret project segment for you today. We're going to do like, how are you feeling? You're approaching week 16. Like, how's it going for you like are you bumping yet um like what are you craving like what are your symptoms okay we're

gonna do that and then we're gonna go into the quiz and then wrap this up because this is very long um okay do I need lip gloss I feel like hold on I think I need powder and lip gloss before I do this because I'm kind of embracing the shine actually I think it looks better on the clips um we're just really half-assing the hair though today I need to blow it out after this episode because it's still wet and you guys I know it depends on your hair type because maybe you have a you're curly haired and you can air dry and it looks great you can put some curling cream in it but when you're a fine hair girly like you have to blow dry your hair Like it just poofs and it looks just like shit if you don't. So I'm going to make sure to blow dry this after the episode. Um, okay. So yeah, week 15, how am I feeling? What's the vibe? How are you doing?

so I let me think okay I've been feeling great like I've been feeling so much energy like bouncing off the walls like I can run a marathon I have so much like my body feels strong and energized like I've been feeling this way for I think I'm going on three weeks so I would say week 13 I think week 12 was like I still had stuff I was still waking up yeah I think week 12 and maybe a couple days in week 13 I was waking up with that really hungover feeling because pretty much yeah every single day of my first trimester I woke up feeling like I pounded an entire bottle of tequila the night before like I woke up so hungover it would take me like an hour to kind of get out of the fog and

I was leaning on coffee and I not like leaning on it but that's what I discovered like after I ate a big breakfast because the thing is is I'm such a wake up and caffeinate person so when you get pregnant you can't have over 200 milligrams of caffeine some people cut it out completely I'm honestly doing I measure it I'm like extremely scientific about it right now I'm having and honestly this whole time I'm definitely under 200 because I'm having like 120 to 150 which is not that much but I've adapted where I actually think it perks me up just enough you know so I feel I feel like a person but yeah in the first trimester the only way I would feel less hungover because you wake up hungover and you're like in this fog you feel sick some days I literally had to go back

to bed but on the days I could kind of do stuff I would eat and then have my little coffee and then I'd be like okay like I'm not a zombie I can like actually do stuff today um but yeah as of week 14, 15, I'm like, energy is high. I feel, I literally do not feel pregnant. I do not feel like at all other than the hunger. I'm like, I feel like I did before I was pregnant. Um, I don't know if I'm going to be that the person that's like, I love being pregnant. Cause I feel this great, but literally I feel this great. And I kind of love being pregnant right now. I'm like, this is a breeze. Um, the only thing that was weird or that's been weird is I wake up starving at random hours of the night like a couple mornings ago it was actually this was yesterday

this was yesterday because I had to take Corey to the airport and we had an early wake up so I woke up wide awake at 3 30 and I need to just eat right away when I do this because now I know what it is it's like you need to eat um but I woke up wide awake at 3 30 like I can't go back to bed I'm tossing and turning. And then by four, it was like, eat now. So it's 4 a.m. I'm starving. And it's just crazy that you get hungry like that in the middle of the night. And we had to wake up at five to go to the airport. But I literally was like salivating thinking about dried apples from Trader Joe's that I had the really good like New Zealand dried apples that I had in my pantry. So I like waddled into the kitchen and I just took I ate so many apples and I was like, oh, I feel so bad, so much better now that I had these dried apples.

And I went I slept so hard for the next hour before I wake up. So eating like at random times and just being hungry and ravenous is definitely a thing. Like I know after I stop recording, I mean, I like I need to eat like I'm feeling it. Come on. And once you feel it, it's like you have five minutes. my perioral dermatitis is still hanging out um it's on one side of my chin it's like my little rash thing I don't have any confidence that it's gonna go away until I give birth like I think it's just gonna be what I have during this pregnancy um and if I think it's gonna hang out even longer especially if I decide or I'm deciding I'm gonna breastfeed but if I

if I'm not able to for whatever reason then I might be willing to take the medication to get rid of it because it's literally impossible to kill it's so hard to get rid of like you'll have it yeah so that's been annoying oh this week it's kind of gone away now but I was my gums were just bleeding and they were sore and it's like I brush and floss every day and it's like what the fuck and that my dentist told me this will happen like this is a common thing that happens during pregnancy it's like pregnancy gingivitis but it really was only for a few days and then it it's like a lot better now um but my gums are bleeding more um you guys the low back pain back to that that we talked about in the beginning I think I really need to figure this out because

as my belly gets bigger it's only gonna get worse and I'm so front heavy with the boobs the gut like it's in the belly the future like big belly like I'm doing a lot of corrective stuff at the gym right now um tons of hip flexor stretching quad stretching it's my right side I just really need to like open up this whole part of my body because it's twisted and kind of off and so it's definitely make my low back hurt but it's really hard like it's hard to get off the couch if I'm like watching tv or get out of bed I have to like and I'm already doing this because you're supposed to roll to your side and then get up instead of just like crunch up when you're pregnant so I already do that but even that is hard I'm finding that okay not only do I have to sit down to put socks

and shoes on and my pants um because it's honestly because my back hurts so bad it's not because my belly's in the way it's like my back hurts I can't just bend over and like yeah like it really hurts when I think about it um but I have to like have Corey help me up off of couches and chairs I literally am like I need assistance and so I might get I might have him install like a bar next to the bed that I can like pull myself up with and I'm kidding but um in terms of exercise and all that same old, same old, just trying to work on this hip imbalance thing. Um, still doing spin class. I just really feel like being as fit as possible is the biggest gift I can give myself and my future child during this pregnancy. And I, I not overthinking, I'm not like, Oh, I'm

pushing myself too hard or I'm not giving myself grace and a break and oh I'm like you know what I feel great and I love working out it makes me feel good to do that just like I was before I'm talking about the level I was before like I'm tweaking certain things obviously you can't do especially as I get bigger but um yeah I'm leaning into the fit pregnancy stuff and it's not even a thing. It's like, I'm like, how much can I, I'm like, I'm doing bicep curls. Like I'm like doing upper body workouts. I never do that. I'm like getting like so into my workouts right now. And I'm kind of lingering at the gym and like, just yeah. Like really embracing my early morning spin class. And, um, I know that there's like toxic bounce back culture out there when it

comes to pregnant or being postpartum and recovering and all that um but from what I've gathered like it just it helps so much like being fit throughout your pregnancy helps so much and I'm taking that seriously and and for me it's not a thing like it's not like oh this is like burning me out and I'm struggling and you know so I'm really enjoying my second trimester fitness stuff um right now like yeah I want to keep golfing I want to how to do it all um I basically like as far as my bump goes we'll get to the quiz I'm like yawning I need to move on um but quickly like I like wake up kind of with abs still ish like I'm working my core a lot so I kind of have more definition than I used to before I was pregnant, which is crazy. Like, especially my

upper abs and my obliques. And then like throughout the day, by the end of the night, I look nine months pregnant. Like it just grows. So the morning is like, damn, damn Tina, like for 15 weeks, I'm not bad. And then by the end of the day, it's like, holy fuck. Um, and I need to like, at that point, change clothes, like put on something really stretchy or like a big, like tent outfit um my hair's growing in more that's definitely been nice um but yeah I'm not okay so the gender predictor quiz gender reveal wait you guys I have a secret I'm not actually telling you the gender right now we're just gonna do the quiz and then based off of my answers of this gender predictor quiz you can

I guess the gender, send me a DM, guess your gender in my DMs. Cause that's what we're talking about this series, the secret project series. We're in the DMs. We're not on my comment section. We're not being, we're not publicly airing out the fact that I'm pregnant as listeners to the show. We're keeping it, keeping it close to the chest and in the DMs. Um, uh, we'll do a gender reveal on. I I'm trying to think of maybe next episode. Cause that would make sense after this one. Okay. So gender prediction quiz. So first question, when you look at your profile in the mirror, is your pregnancy belly high and directly under your chest or does your baby bump sit low on your hips. I feel like it's kind of like in the middle. Like, I don't know. I feel like it's

like, hold on low. The thing, okay. This is the thing. So I have a pretty balanced torso. So if anything, it's on the shorter side than the longer side. Okay. Um, I'm five, six. So my belly button I thought the bump would be like really low right above the pubic bone like uterus level like that's where it's at I mean when they do the ultrasound like that's where they're going they're going real low but when I think about the bump it's kind of like in the middle of my stomach like the belly button area so I don't know if that would be hot I'm overthinking this question. I'm going to say low and steady. Cause it's not like under my, okay. So they said directly under your chest. So no, it'd be low and steady. Okay, fine.

What is the shape of your pregnant belly? I don't really have, you guys, I'm not trying to be like, I'm so skinny and I don't have a belly and like, it doesn't have a shape. I would say narrow and pointed or wide and rounded it's just like full in a proportionate way i guess wide and rounded it's definitely not like pointy when it comes to meals do you go straight for the cupcakes or the potato chips always the cupcakes dessert for dinner yeah like i definitely have a sweet tooth but and not to be annoying again but like fruit i have so all i want is fruit like i could eat fruit every meal of the day and i do i have fruit as a snack constantly um and i noticed that early

in my pregnancy that was like the thing i could not stop eating enough of fruit so i'm i'm a dessert girly the last time you went to the ob-gyn what was your baby's heart rate above 140 or below 140. Above 140. Have your hair and skin been glowing? Girl. I feel like, okay, the perioral dermatitis aside, I've been told that I'm glowing. So I guess people say that. I don't know if they just say that because you're pregnant and they know you're pregnant. So they just say that. I feel like I'm glowing um I feel like the glow though is you have perfect skin and for that reason I think I have to sit this one out and say that no I don't have a glow yet I think it's coming I think it's coming like this trimester maybe

I'll be perioral dermatitis free by week 20 I will see um in your first trimester did you experience morning sickness oh my god yes every fucking day yes which is all day sickness let's be honest it's not just morning sickness where have you been carrying your weight during pregnancy in a little ball in front if you saw me from behind this is option a oh cory's calling hello how are you feeling dear oh wait i need to put you on the podcast you're on you're on the cast i'm almost done i started at 9 30 oh you did yeah well i'm in the car heading to uh the mall that we went to up the street just trying to pass the time the baby's for a walk and we're just chilling have some lunch and it's uh it's nicer oh great

well um yeah i guess call me after i'm doing a a quiz right now i'm not i'm doing this segment the pregnancy segment and i'm doing a gender predicting quiz but i'm not telling them the gender yet but we're gonna we're doing like the old wives tale like awesome yeah give me a ring when you're done okay sounds good love you all right love you okay bye bye um i forgot to tell he's in my or he's in my he's with my nieces and nephews um he's super uncle this weekend um helping out up there um with my mother-in-law they're just uh babysitting them for a couple of days while my sister-in-law and her husband are they're away so um so where have you been carrying your weight first answer is in a little ball in front if you saw me from behind you

wouldn't even know I'm pregnant I'd like to think that that's like what people say if you saw my wife from behind you would never know she was pregnant that's like the flex of the century um and then the next question is where am I not everything is filled out not just my belly like definitely be like i am getting thick with 17 c's like my legs my ass my belly everything is getting bigger i don't think it's just like yeah that's just how i gain weight in general like i gain weight everywhere during pregnancy have you felt particularly moody okay when i was sick I don't like sure I have my moments I guess my moodiness is with people in public and I kind

of like I have an intrusive thought now and I never used to be this way where I have like no patience and I'm just like I'm basically saying like fuck you in my head but like in other ways like I'm saying like stupid whore or like dumb it's always like dumb whore or stupid whore in my head, people in traffic, people in stores, people, whatever. Like, I'm just like, you dumb whore, dumb fucking whore. And it could be like the dump for the dumbest reason. Like I'm just backing out of parking lot, like the lady or, or just like, um, it's just stupid shit. The people in the way, like, like a short fuse with that, but that's just me in my head. But as far as my mood, i've been so

we've talked about it like zen positive happy like i think i've kind of felt the same okay maybe this will project this will predict the gender at the end okay that was the last question so it did the prediction based off of my answers and i'm not gonna say if this is right or wrong but it says if the old wives tales hold true soon a little girl will be joining your family stay tuned for the next episode to find out so this based on my responses it says i'd be having a girl hmm i wonder if i'm having a girl how long can I milk or like tease the gender what else do I have over you guys

due date I'm never saying um you can kind of do math I guess based on my weeks I'm at so 15 weeks you could do the math people are like never telling you when your due date like keep that to yourself I think like you can obviously say the month it's in the fall why am i playing kitten about it like i feel like i'm not going to be like specific about the date i guess anywhere from september to november sure there you go how fun do the math do the do the uh uh calculation um time to eat time to call cory back

thank you so much for hanging out listening this episode had some this was a fun one i felt more like me last week was a little sleepy um but yeah stay safe out there don't forget to wear a mask and sanitize your hands 14 times a day no i'm kidding we're not there we're not there i don't think we're gonna be there with the hantavirus but who the fuck knows what here's the thing it wouldn't surprise me and I don't think it'd surprise you um please hit that subscribe button wherever you're listening right now I'm on apple spotify google podcast stitcher breaker overcast wherever you listen to podcasts please hit that subscribe button and review the show five stars while you're there subscribe to my youtube channel this is a video and audio podcast

hi youtube if you're ever on my youtube channel don't forget to subscribe for the full video episodes in 4k hi 4k um i guess 8k would be impressive does youtube even do that i don't know is 8k even here follow me on instagram and tiktok at jocelyn monroe and finally if you want to support the show, support your local podcast hosting your future. Mama. Hi mama. I told my mom I don't like, this is turned a corner. I'm like, I don't like being called mama or whatever. That was like early on. I was like, I can't stand it. But now I'm turning a corner with it. But she texted me that the other day and she's like, hi mom. Hi mother. Hi mom. Like she included every way you could call it's like say to or call a mom um thought it was funny but yeah patreon.com

slash tjms patreon.com slash tjms all right I think I got it all covered here thank you so much for hanging out hope you enjoyed this episode and I'll talk to you next week bye