The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 430- The Great Influencer Reassignment

Episode Date: July 11, 2026

This episode is all over the place in the best way. We get into the Taylor Swift and Travis Kelce wedding, the nationwide Cyclospora diarrhea outbreak (you're welcome), Bryan Johnson's autoimmune gastritis diagnosis, the Tyler Robinson trial, Wimbledon influencer backlash, and the insane story of a student who had to land a plane after the pilot jumped out mid-flight.Then we get to the main event: The Great Influencer Reassignment. After watching one too many painfully self-important influencer videos, I officially become America's career counselor and assign influencers jobs that actually serve other people. From airport wheelchair assistants to Meals on Wheels volunteers, 911 dispatchers, search and rescue teams, air traffic controllers, and more, we're finding careers this country could actually use, while still letting them film content if they absolutely must share their new career online.Plus, neighborhood drama, my birthday recap, World Cup updates, and a rant about shopping at Target. Thanks for listening and supporting the show! Enjoy! :) REVIEW THE SHOW ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️ https://open.spotify.com/show/4ijzUBunTIHgVmahB0ISEN BECOME A PATRON! ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.patreon.com/tjms⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ KEEP IN TOUCH!INSTAGRAM »⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ ⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://www.instagram.com/jacquelinemonroe/⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ TIKTOK » jacqueline.monroe EMAIL THE SHOW!⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ [e-mail]⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ MY MUSIC GUY⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠https://soundcloud.com/robmonmusic⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠⁠ 

Hey, what's up? It's Jacqueline. Welcome back to the show. Happy summer. Happy summer. It is Thursday, July 9th. It's 10.53 a.m. over here on the West Coast. And we're in the thick of summer. I'm in San Diego. We're having a little heat wave. I'm feeling great. I'm a little tan. And this current chapter of my life means that I'm only able to tan the front half of my body. If you know, you know. Okay.

Uh, so we're we're looking like a neapolitan Ice cream sandwich. We're or whatever. We're uh, half red half white. What's that? We are japan. We are looking like What I mean, there's so many world cup flags in my face right now on my tv What flag is red and white? Come on poland poland. Am I thinking right you guys? Okay I do I need to look up the polish flag to start the episode to close this loop in my brain Polish flag. Come on. Jacqueline. You're smart flag of Poland. Let's fucking go. Anyways, I've got a great episode for you today. We've got

life updates. We've got news. We've got what's on the news, the Tyler Robinson trial, a little bit of global health news. We've got celebrity drama, um, wildlife drama, a little bit of everything. Um, but we're going to start off with life updates. You guys, my neighbors might be dead. Okay. Life update. The neighbors I've been speaking about for months now, first it was the lawn. Then it was the bird shit on the car. Now they might be dead. Okay. My neighbors might be dead and I'm highly concerned. I did discuss their mental health or I didn't discuss it. I was conscientious of that when I talked my shit about the bird shit on their car stacking up

because I recognize that when people let things go, when they're not landscaping their front lawns, when they're not cleaning their cars, there's probably something going on in the mental health department. So I was considerate of that. Now I think my neighbors might be dead. Okay. I do know they work from home. I believe they're school teachers and they're kind of hermity as it is. I don't see them walk to their cars very often or come outside, but I know their schedule. There's usually a morning drop off of their son at school. I know it's summer. Wait a minute. It's summer. Maybe this is what the, the problem is this. No, this isn't the reason why I think they're dead or I'm suspicious and I should do a wellness check on them. Um, by the way, my other neighbor

actually almost died a couple of days ago. We had an ambulance show up and a whole stretcher situation. And allegedly he had a heart attack. I believe he's 77. Um, that was right across the street, but the neighbors next to me might be dead. And the reason I'm saying this is because it was trash day on Sunday. Okay. Sunday is, or no, no, no. Monday is trash day, but people put their garbage cans out on Sunday night, right? This is a standard practice in my neighborhood. and as usual, the neighbors next door put their garbage cans out. Okay. It is Thursday. It is Thursday. Garbage was picked up Monday. Okay. My neighbors might be dead in my mind because their garbage cans are still on the

sidewalk in front of their house. And I am highly concerned. Nobody in the neighborhood leaves their garbage cans out the next day, the day after. Nobody does that. We don't have an HOA or any strict rules or anything here. It's not that type of neighborhood. We have class. We have standards. I discussed this last week about washing our cars, taking care of the landscaping and mowing our lawns and taking pride in what we own. Okay. As a collective in my neighborhood, I'm using my hands a lot today because you guys, I finally got smart. I finally got smart. I'm not holding my microphone anymore. I pulled out the drawer on my desk. When I got this microphone, I used to do this. And then when I moved into this house, I stopped doing it. There are so many things about

myself that I hate. And one of the things, one of the things I hate about myself the most is that when things are so in my face, obvious, and I'll go months and months and months without recognizing them as like a problem or something I could switch up. Um, like when I decided that, oh, my long eyebrow tails are dragging my face down. It was dragging my, you know, I'm in my twenties thinking this, like, by the way, I just turned 32 on Tuesday. Thank you. Thank you. Yes. I am 32 had my big birthday celebration at phil's barbecue um it was wonderful i am 32 okay so when something's glaringly obvious in front of my face as a problem or something that's stupid something i hate about myself is the fact that i don't see that for months right and so here i am

in my podcast studio recording episode after episode for two and a half years now in this house holding a microphone in one hand left hand typing on my laptop in the other hand trying to search stuff while and play videos while I'm podcasting not thinking like hey hey when you first set out to do this with the new microphone you opened it you opened the little wooden drawer you pulled it out and you set your microphone on the stand in there and it perfectly fit it was the it was a perfect height for your mouth like the chest to mouth ratio or whatever from where the mic starts to where it ends. Okay. So now I don't know what to do with my hands today. We're just, we're really, we're using them. We're doing a lot of big circles. I talk with my hands

in person as it is like, I know this about myself. I'm, I'm a handsy, very expressive with my hands when I talk. Um, but podcasting, we're usually clenching tight here on the mic stand. And I'm, I'm, I feel compelled to do it again. I feel like I'm drawn to holding it, but I'm going to not, I'm going to practice my hand motions. Okay. Back to what I was saying. We have standard standards in the, in the neighborhood. Nobody leaves their garbage cans out for more than everyone brings them in, brings them in that night after the garbage truck comes by. And so it is highly unusual and highly concerning that it's Thursday and I've seen no movement. I've been watching the cars the cars have not moved at my neighbor's house I have seen no no signs of life okay so

the garbage cans haven't been put away and then the cars haven't moved I am so clued in to their I feel like this is like neighborhood stalker psycho neighbor um vibes whatever like I know this is psycho of me but like I am so clued in to their movement to the point where I'm, I'm looking at the way their car wheels are turned. Like one of them's on the side of the road by their house, the other ones in their driveway. And like the one on the side of the road, the wheels in the front are turned in and I'm paying attention. Now we don't that they're not on a Hill. They're not doing the, the turning the wheels in. So they, if, if God forbid the parking brake blows out and their car rolls back, the way they turn their

wheels will prevent their car from rolling and hitting something behind them. It'll, it'll land on the curb nicely. You know, that's what, that's what they teach you in driver's ed, right? So it's not that kind of situation. They're on a flat ground. And so, um, that's not something they, they, they do regularly. What I'm saying is that they're, the wheels are still in the same position. Okay. The cars aren't clean. We already know this. The lawn is at mode landscape, the weed shrub they're using as a decor piece in front of the window is growing rapidly. It's summer. it's having a growth spurt. It's as tall as their front window. Okay. It's, it's now flowering. It stopped flowering. The last time we discussed this front, front window weed, they left after

they weed whacked their, uh, you guys, this is like the most trailer park shit show I have ever fucking, I haven't seen. I mean, growing up, I, I used to live close to trailer parks. you know that was something I would see on a regular basis again I the part of San Diego I live in like I don't know where the nearest trailer park is I have no idea where I would find that I don't know that would I don't even know where to think to find it's not it's not the vibe here right we discussed this last week and I know I talked about like yeah this is how you know I've become bougie I've become Southern California has rubbed off on me I'm a snooty snobby suburban housewife who is better than their neighbors. I've admitted this. Um, but it's also

like, Hey, just because you come from one thing, not that I come from a fucking trailer park, but you're used to seeing trailer parks. Doesn't mean you need, you need to be okay with that kind of lifestyle and that lack of taking pride in what you own and taking care of your things. Okay. And putting your fucking garbage cans away after trash after trash day, the day the trash is picked up. Not after trash day, the day the trash is picked up, right? It's called leveling up in life. It's called evolving. It's called developing skills, life skills, adult skills, things that are, I don't know. I'm more polished around the edges now than I used to be, whatever. I was also raised to,

like if i didn't mow the lawn the right way i would have to redo it and by the way that took me it was a nine hour job that we had to split between three siblings to finish all of our lawns we had a really nice rider lawnmower a john deere rider um my grandpa used to own a christmas tree farm and what was nice about that is he had a fleet of john deere lawnmowers that we would you know rotate and like we would eventually like get the newest one because he always had the newest ones or whatever we he would always keep us supplied in the lawnmower department so we had the best lawnmowers but literally if we didn't do it correctly we had to redo it and it was the way you overlap the wheel where the mower is

you guys this what is this podcast the the neighbors might be dead right that's how we're starting. I also have another death story. I already told you about the neighbor across the street, which is highly sad. Um, but also his wife, when he had the heart attack and the paramedics came, she was walking out with her hands in her pockets. She looked very calm. There were, there was no sign of stress on her face. She was kind of like shooting the shit with paramedics, like as they're wheeling him in. And he looks like, he looked like he was in pain too. Like he didn't of look good. He's kind of white in the, like he looked bad. Like his coloring especially looked bad. She's like shooting the shit in the driveway with the paramedics, broing out with them while

her husband's getting wheeled in the back of the ambulance after he just had a heart attack. So yeah, there's a lot of death at the top of the episode today. A lot of talking about the neighbors. I understand. Um, we do have more, I'll get into my personal life updates and whatnot, but yeah what was I saying this oh I grew up with a lawnmower and how you mow the lawn was so important how you mow how you loaded the dishwasher was so important the standards you guys I was I went to catholic private school it was like stand in a line perfectly a perfectly straight line sit with your hands folded in your chair don't speak unless spoken to like raise your hand oh kneel at because it was catholic school kneel stand bow whatever the church the traditions or

what is it called? The rituals of the Catholic faith are like, it was very militant when I grew up. Okay. Discipline was, it was a high priority or it was a high. Yeah. So I'm extremely judgmental of other people who don't show discipline, especially with basic adult things like taking care of their home and bringing their trash in. Again, they might be dead. My neighbors might be dead. We're looking at the cars every day. We're like, they haven't moved. The garbage cans are still out. We're on day, what, four? No movement. There's blinds down everywhere. I'm like, did they get in an Uber on Monday and go to an airport. And then we, and we didn't see that. Do they go on a vacation? It is summer and maybe they're on a summer vacation. So that is a possibility, but

by the way, this is the last time I'm going to discuss my neighbors because I am highly paranoid that they're going to somehow this will get, uh, this information, this, this podcast, these, I've done so many shit talking them is going to somehow get, go their way or get their way, come their way. It's going to, the message will be received on their end. How I feel about them. And I'm going to get shot. I'm going to, something's going to happen. Okay. Speaking of getting shot. No, I'm kidding. Um, Um, no, I won't share that. I, um, nevermind. You guys never, you know, just sometimes again, Jacqueline, not everything needs to be said all out. I have to censor. I really have to censor

myself and stuff. Um, I'm, I already feel like I'm, I'm yeah. Okay. The neighbors are, yeah, they're going to find this out. And I've been watching a lot of those Netflix. What is it called like my psycho neighbor or it's called what is it called it's like neighbor from hell is a neighbor from hell neighbor from hell yeah neighbor from hell on Netflix I think and um so yeah I'm paranoid you know these there's some signs already showing that they're a little off so i need to watch what i'm saying okay i need to taper this back okay speaking of death the woman under the bridge we have a bridge troll a beautiful bridge to a bridge troll i'm gonna be complimentary we have a beautiful bridge troll

have i seen her bare ass bend over and take a shit on my morning drive to the gym every single day at 7 a.m. Pretty much every, it's, it's her schedule. It's her schedule. Her shitting schedule is 7 a.m. She, she has a specific sleeping spot under, under the bridge that's on the way to my gym. And she has a specific morning shit time. And now if you've ever lived in an apartment, I don't get this anymore. I don't get this luxury of knowing my neighbor's shitting and pissing schedule anymore because I don't live in an apartment where the piping is all connected the plumbing because that used to be a thing if you know you know like if you've ever lived or if you currently do live in an apartment where you can hear the flushing happen above or below

you or whatever usually it's above you it was above me in my last place um I also knew everything about the relationship which was really fun it was so entertaining I mean the domestic disputes I mean, I was always on the borderline of calling 9-1-1 on these two. They figured it out. They actually, it started out really rough. Tons of screaming, full volume screaming in the middle of the night. So it was always like at 2 a.m., especially when they come home from the bar. God, it was always when they would, it was always like a Friday night, Saturday night thing.

But anyways, I always knew when they took a shit and a piss because the flushing, right? I'd hear it. And so I don't get the luxury of, I don't have that. That's not, that's not something that's in my life anymore, but the bridge troll, the beautiful bridge troll, troll woman who I've seen for the last two and a half years, um, since we moved into this house, um, I've had the pleasure, the pleasure of seeing her take her morning shit on my way to the gym, um, pretty much every day. Um, piss shit.

I don't know. She's, she's squatting on the side of the side of the, um, the road, the, the, she's on the sidewalk. She sleeps on the sidewalk under the bridge and then she squats on the, she kind of uses the drop of where the road and the, what is it called? The curb. She uses the drop of the curb as the hole, but there's no hole. You know, you can picture this. It's a, there's like a lip where the, it's a curb. she squats on the curb and takes her her morning piss or shit whatever um nice deep squat great hip mobility great knee flexion great ankle um flexibility that's important um we should all be able to squat like that okay um anyways this beautiful bridge troll i i don't want to call

her that this beautiful woman she was so thin so rail thin and and like crazy um dreadlocks down to her ass like create her hair was like a beehive um she was a white a white woman very tan though obviously when she would wear i mean san diego she would wear like a tank top and like those like soft softy or softy cheerleading shorts does anyone know what i'm talking about it's what we used to wear in high school and we'd roll them over 10 times. Yeah. She would wear those. And then these flip-flops that never busted out. She always had the same flip-flops. I think they were rainbows or what are the good flip-flops in? She had like a really good pair of flip-flops, but she wore the same outfit every single day. And when she got cold, she would take this big

fleece blanket and wrap it around her torso. And she'd walk around with that. And then she had a, she had a cart she would push and, um, tons of facial hair. It was, it was, she was stunning. Okay. I'm devastated. I'm devastated because she's been in this spot. She slept in the spot for two and a half years since we've moved here. I've seen her every single morning. We go to the gym pretty much seven days a week okay well five days whatever and I noticed in the last couple weeks she's not there anymore and I'm like I don't think homeless people oh and by the way she was the type of homeless woman who would scream she would walk to a specific place to ask for money she would walk about a mile in from the bridge to an intersection really really busy intersection

this is a place where a ton of homeless people you know park themselves all day in fact I did talk about the man with a dog the other week the old black man with a the little shih tzu dog they was petting with a pink or not petting brushing with a pink brush that made me sob and I gave them $20. That whole story I told, you know, they share this area in terms of where they ask for money. Okay. So she's the kind of homeless woman who screams at, at the car. She'll get in, she'll come to your windshield and just yell, like just full bore at your face. And then she'll take a handful of pennies or whatever change she, you know, quarters, whatever. And she'll just chuck it at people's windshields so she was a dangerous member of society and i don't think she's i don't

think she's uh with us uh anymore i don't think she's a member of society i don't know why she would move she was in this extremely dialed routine is this too long-winded i'm talking about the neighbors and i'm always this is i'm telling a story i'm trying to paint a paint a paint a picture here i'm trying to get this all i'm trying to get this out in as in the most thorough way possible okay i'm really trying to paint a picture i'm trying to color your mind with information about this homeless woman who might be dead we don't know but i don't know why she would move from her comfy spot from her little home base under the bridge for i feel like they don't do that right they just they die did she die so I'm really sad about it I want to I want

to see if I can get a hold of local law enforcement and ask I don't know I'm just like you know what happened to her I'll never know I did see the closest I've ever been to her I was in it well she came to my windshield and screamed in my face but I I did see her in a home in Home Depot I think that's where she would use the restroom a lot of a lot of homeless people use our local Home Depot here um for the restroom or use the restroom at our local Home Depot hold on let me just take a drink of water and I did see her up close and it was it's just so sad you know I'm being um I'm doing the hee ha ha shtick of course but like it's sad it's really sad um she just did not look good but

yeah I I hope she's okay I don't think she is okay though I don't think she's okay and so yeah those are my two life updates neighbors bridge under the lady under the bridge haven't seen her in a couple weeks um oh life updates we posted our hey we're knocked hey we i'm so crass hey we and it worked um photo shoot on my instagram we me and my husband cory we posted the carousel of images of us modeling on the beach in white. We wore white outfits. I really struggled with the outfit with the dress because I'm a soft dramatic with an inverted triangle frame and I don't do off the shoulder. Okay. I don't do off the shoulder. It doesn't flatter me on a typically. Okay. But now that I'm shaped like a camel, I have, my humps are like hump, hump in the back, hump in the front, and then another hump. So like now that I'm shaped like a camel, it actually off the shoulder really flatters me. It really flatters me.

And so I picked out the perfect dress. I wanted to go for something kind of in a sweater, soft, cozy material because I knew the wind would be blowing. We'd be at the beach. It's, it's kind of like a, it is summer, but it's kind of like a cozy vibe, especially when you're, you know, pregnant. Sure. I'll say it.

Hi, we're pregnant. I'm pregnant. Wait, do we say we do? I, am I annoyed by that? When people say we're pregnant, I'm not annoyed by much, by the way, I'm not, I am so, I mean, my father-in-law's calling me Chubbs. He, I walk in the door. Hey, Chubbs, how are you doing? How's it going? Hey, Chubbs. My mother-in-law had me, I go to the house a couple of weeks ago. We go to the house to have dinner with them. And she fully has me do a 360, turn to the side.

She had me bend over. She wanted to see the body. She wanted to see every angle, every, you know, every hump, the development of the hump. Okay. She wanted to really take it in and especially see me from behind because I've noticed the older women, like, not that she's like, okay, she's my mother-in-law. She's older than me, whatever. They really like to see you from behind because their favorite thing to say is that, oh my gosh, I wouldn't even know you're pregnant if you just looking from behind, you know, it's like a thing. Um, and they always reassure you, you're going to bounce right back or you're such a beautiful pregnant. They always like compliment the shit out of you because they don't know if you're having trouble gaining the

weight and being fat all of a sudden. Um, but I am so chill. You could say anything to me. You could call me fatty. Oh yeah. I think he also slipped in a fatty at dinner, my, my father-in-law. And I, I just, I think it's so endearing. Um, chubs fatty, you can have me do a, I'll fucking strip for you and show you my stretch marks. They're not coming in. I don't think they're going to come in. If that ever happens, I'm, I'm very open to showing you the body progress, the body changes, whatever you'd like to see. I'm so, I started out getting fed the, I, every, everyone knows what I'm talking about. If you've been on the like motherhood side of Tik TOK, the mommy content, it's a thing to say you hate being called mama, mama, how's mama

doing? You got this mama. Like a lot of women come on and make a video when they first get pregnant that they hate being called mama. And I feel like that's like, I get it. And at first I was like, yeah, I don't want to be called mama. And now I don't give a fuck what you call me. You could call me. I don't, I don't even, I don't care. I don't care about, I am so zen, calm. I am not. I fully sobbed the other night. I fully was in the fetal position. By the way, let's put a pin in that. Day before my birthday, Monday night, I had the biggest mental breakdown of my life. This happens every year before my birthday. I get the birthday blues. I was in the fetal position, sobbing, like wailing, crying. And Corey is just like, it's gotta be the hormones.

Fuck. Like it's gone. God, you're, I think I saw this last year too. I've, I've seen you cry every, every year before your birthday I think this is pretty normal he's like stressed out like trying to like he's like what do I do with her and I'm just like let me cry like I just need to grieve my life right now because something about turning a new age makes me grieve about my life and like get really introspective and somber about it it's like not a it's not about getting older and aging and wrinkles and all that bullshit it's literally like I I am so I can't I get like too aware of my life and it makes me sob okay and anyways but I am so happy so zen back to what I was saying so calm so so unaffected by outside input noise opinions I don't give a fuck you could tell me

anything you could say you should name your baby this you should my sister-in-law was like get this high chair instead I go done say less like I'm not even gonna argue with people I don't fucking the whole like the whole like um also there's a new thing the millennials are doing the women the pregnant millennials having babies are doing and they're like they're they're putting the gates up to their family in terms of coming to the hospital coming to the house like visiting the baby holding the baby like being around the baby like you have to earn your way uh or earn that you can't just like expect that you're going to be a part of this newborn's life in the first moments of their life. Like it's all about what the mom wants and her mental health. And is this,

oh, and you have to get the Tdap shot. You have to get the flu shot. You have to get all these shots before you show up. And it's so like controlling. And I'm like people like, sure. it's the doctor's recommendation not to kiss the baby on the mouth okay obviously but it's as if these these women are like if my mother-in-law comes by she's gonna make out with the baby in that first week and kill it she cannot come to the house for a month like they're so controlling about it's all because these stupid videos are watching now the pregnant women are getting fed information through TikTok all day. And it's like a, a trend, all these rules and regulations are becoming trendy to do. And it's like back in the day, I think people obviously respected

the new parents and then the baby. And they wanted to keep that sacred for the, for them, but they were, but also like they would shower with love. And I think the moms and the dads would be like, help us. Yes. Thank you for the food. Come by. Yes. We want to maximize the love around this new life we just brought into the world. And that's my, that's my approach. I'm like, I am not going to cock block the love. Like I am not going to, is this now the pregnancy segment? Hi, we're in the pregnancy segment. I said, I wasn't going to do this. I'm out of breath. I'm getting big. I'm out of breath. I, I just, I want to maximize the love, the nurturing, the outside warmth coming in from the, from family members, from, from everyone. Like,

I don't give a fuck. Okay. I'm so like, all this shit doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. Like, you don't want to kill it. You don't want it. You don't want the fucking baby to get herpes on its mouth because your, your mother-in-law who's cheating on your father-in-law, that's how they find out that she's cheating on the father-in-law. They're like 80. It's like, she gives the baby herpes because she was the only one that kissed on the mouth. Anyway, so, uh, no clue where I, Oh, so we posted our photo shoot and, um, it's a big relief that day when I was organizing the photos and picking out the order of the photos. And I mean, it was a half day, like picking out the photos of our pregnancy announcement post was a half day. I was on the couch at first, had my brightness all the way up.

I was looking at, I was like tweaking, like my mascara ran. my mascara ran when I was at the beach that day doing these photos. I was like nipping and tucking under the eyes and whatnot. Um, you know, I was just really like OCD about each photo and I was looking at each one and making sure everything, I know my photographer, she was so great by the way. She was amazing. I bet she was like, Hmm, these look a little more snatched than the one, the raw or not the raw. She edited ours, but like the ones I sent her and it's like hey I'm paying for this but I'm gonna I'm gonna you know kick it up a notch for my liking because it's my Instagram it's my it's our post our baby announcement post

and I don't want my mascara to I don't want how I don't want to have like panda eyes in these pictures and so I retouched them I retouched them a little bit but I moved from like the couch the bed Corey's like can we get lunch I forget what day this was this was a Friday he was off because it was the 4th of July weekend he wasn't working that day and literally my whole the whole morning was just me being OCD about 12 photos and which order and the song and we did we chose Mariah carry fantasy, a positive, upbeat pregnancy announcement song. You know, I see a lot of pregnancy announcement songs on Instagram with the, with the photos and it's sweet. They're very like, they're just somber. They're just sweet. You know? And I'm just like, no, this is like a

big fucking deal. We're going to celebrate. We're going to do, how does the fantasy song go? Mariah Carey fantasy. I don't know. Okay. So we posted the photos. We got lunch, but he was just like, can we get lunch? I'm like, honey, you don't understand. And then I'm like, oh my, then I'm like, honey, this is a, I can't say this but it's so fucking funny I can't say it I'm gonna I mean I can't like I think okay okay if I called him right now he wouldn't give a shit but it was so like something happened okay so I'm I'm like it's a what do you call it a shared Instagram post when you collaborate it was a collaborative post between a husband and wife

right? Corey and I's profiles were both tagged or whatever. And he, I made the post, but he had to accept it. Right. And so he's in the shower. I can't say what happened. I can't fucking say what happened. He's in the shower and I opened his and I have both of our phones next to each other. I'm about to press post. And then I'm about to go to his notifications to, um, accept the collaborative invite or whatever on his end and something happened when I opened his phone and it I lost my shit I was I was laughing so hard I was like I will always remember when I went to post a my like our pregnancy announcement this is what I saw on my phone or on your phone it's it you guys I'm not gonna it's just it was so fucking funny it was so like yeah um

but anyways um it was my birthday we went to Phil's barbecue okay what are my other life updates oh it was 4th of July I need some water it was 4th of July and um we went to the country club again, where we got married. It's our fourth year doing it. And, um, fourth year doing it. First time I didn't black out and, um, make an idiot out of myself. Um, so that was weird. I was like, Oh, Oh, the fuck after the firework show, there's all these announcements that were happening there. And they, whatever, there's like a loudspeaker in the sky. I'm seeing the whole event. Like, I don't remember that, but then I'm like, after the fireworks, it's dark. There's a bunch of picnic tables. It's on the, I think it's on the first hole of the course. Yeah. There's a

bunch of picnic tables and that's where you sit and eat and like watch the fireworks and it's dark. Right. After, after the show ends, it's dark. And I was like this year, I was like, Oh, like they turn on these bright ass spotlights after and it's lit up and everyone's leaving after that. I'm like, I don't remember. I don't remember that. I don't, I did not. I never, I didn't know. I didn't know that happened. And I was mortified as this is happening this past weekend as a light. It's like when they turn the lights on in the club at 2 AM. Like I was like, Oh, I'm so mortified that this, this, the lights turned on last year. And I was probably saying goodbye to people. Cause that's what we did this year. That's when you go and kissy, kissy, huggy,

huggy, all the people you came with and saw. And I was like, Oh fuck. So, um, yeah, story time. So last year we went to his parents' house for the fourth and did a little day party thing. And my mother-in-law hosted. And then this, and then afterwards we went to the country club at like six, the fireworks show doesn't start till eight 39. Um, so long story short, I'm having, you guys, I can't day drink. I cannot, I cannot. Okay. This is, this is my plan. So, so I, I just, I cannot day drink into night drink or, or I cannot start drinking like 3 PM like a margarita or like a Paloma, like a mixed cocktail. Like I cannot start with that at 3 PM and continue that until fucking 9 PM. Okay. And that's what happened last year. And it was so bad

to the point where like, I remember the moment I stopped remembering everything and it was all my camera roll. And I'm like, yep, that's the last thing I remember doing. I re and then, um, it was so bad at the country club at the last year's fourth that, uh, I was, I, I was on the putting green. They do a little, there's a little putt putt thing you can do while you're there. And it's like kid friendly, right? There's kids, strollers, babies everywhere. They're all playing putt putt. Of course they are. It's just a kid filled little putting green. And then there's me in my fucking wedges and my, I wore a jean dress last year and that's when I was so skinny last It was so skinny lash. And, um, anyways, there was a moment I do recall where I came to and I

was like, fuck, fuck, like as loud, like, like, like full, like I screamed it cause I missed the putt. And I do remember Corey, Corey being like, shut the fuck up. You can't see that. What are what the fuck are you doing so I was a complete shit show messy sloppy degenerate at this nice ass place with a with families and like kids and that was the third year I mean last year was the worst so much so and I had the thing is is I was drinking margaritas all it was like a margarita day and then you get there and I'm like I'll Corey's like you want another you want another margarita you want you want another drink because you show up and it's like you have no drinks in your hand right no drinks this is the time Jacqueline when you have

no drinks in your hand after you've been day drinking for like a couple of hours this is the time where you go over to the barbecue tent you load up on that cornbread you load up on that barbecue that brisket those beans whatever you fill your stomach because you weren't did I even have a hot dog or anything at my mother-in-law's house I don't think so but no I'm like Corey's Like, you want to, what can I get you? And I'm like, I'll just have another margarita. I'm like, bitch, it only took one more for me to go bye-bye. And that's not cute.

I definitely, that was a huge, I mean, I've had one, I've had a lot of, I'm not proud to, I mean, who fucking cares? Again, with not, I don't care about, I'm just so open. I don't care. We've all been, a lot of us have been here. I've had some like very uh embarrassing drinking moments in my life or just like not cute drinking moments and um last year I'm like I'm 31 I was 30 no no no I was 30 still I was 31 that next Monday I remember the day of my birthday because this year it was Tuesday

so I was 30 and I was like you can't I just can't be this way and so I learned my lesson so it's light beer. It's light beer. If you're going to have cocktails during the day, it's like, I'm a light beer, bitch. I'm a Coors Light. Give me a Coors Light. Okay. It's 3 PM. Give me a Coors Light. I'm not drinking a margarita at 3 PM. If I know I'm going to have margaritas tonight at 8 PM or whatever at the fireworks show later, start with a light, like I'm a light or just do light beer the whole time. I don't do wine. The wine hangover isn't worth it to me. beer doesn't do shit to me it's I am Scottish part Scottish um growing up I noticed my dad was really into Coors Light so I think it like works with my system the best so yeah I learned

my lesson no hard alcohol no mixed cocktails um because I just don't have a I get excited I show up to the thing and I'm like yeah sure give me a margarita I'm like I need a drink you know like you're there with people everyone's got a drink in their hand I'm just wired to like let's fucking party. And I can't hang and I cannot hang and it's not cute. So light beard is. Yeah. If I'm in a controlled setting, this sounds like I'm in an, I'm an alcoholic. Okay. It does run in my family. So I'm hyper aware. I haven't talked about alcohol in a long time because I am pregnant and I can't drink right now. And I'm honestly, I don't miss it at all. But like I, um, if I'm in a, in a controlled environment, if I'm at Miguel's getting, you know, carne asada tacos and guac

and chips and shit, and I'm having like a dinner, um, it's like six 30, we're getting dinner. We're having tacos and, and, uh, whatever. If I'm like at a restaurant and I'm going to leave and go home and go to bed, like I can have a margarita. Okay. I can have a couple, maybe two. I don't, that's usually when I feel like shit the next day. If I have like, I hate hard alcohol. I hate, I hate it the hangover of shots and multiple margaritas and fucking thinking okay thinking about I'm pregnant right now so I'm like really analyzing drinking and just my past and I'm like hyper I don't know I'm just like thinking about it I guess now like I'm it's like now that I'm sober I'm like let me let me let me reflect on my drinking career during this time and I'm like

the thought of being in a club in like Vegas, getting a tequila soda. Disgusting. Like it doesn't sound nothing about, cause it's always like you're, when you're going out, it's like, give me a tequila soda. And then there's like, he wants a shot. And then now you're having shots of tequila. Fuck all that. Give me a light beer, bitch. Give me a light beer. Give me, give me a nice chill beer buzz I'm cool I'm I'm I'm chilling I'm happy I don't even need the beer um what I need to figure out what my drink is that's not guys this is fucking sad I need to do you think I'm equipped to raise a child like literally I sound like a hot mess right now I sound insane I do sound insane the estrogen is

rising rapidly, by the way. And I think that's contributing to my heightened emotions and instability, the mental instability. Um, so like, give me some grace. Um, but we're pregnant. We don't care. We're living life. We're on Prozac still, which is helping balance it out. And that's also controversial. What are, what substances am I taking? they kept me on Prozac I'm on a light dose it's not very high and I've been on that for since I started this podcast honestly and it changed my life so awesome so we did the 4th of July this weekend was way too packed it was way too packed I don't have the capacity for multiple commitments like I just don't like being social for multiple

days in a row and um anyways we had so wait I told you about the 4th of July wait oh so Friday night we went to our friend's house we had a beautiful dinner they cooked Mediterranean they just got back from Italy they had a they showed us it was so cute you know when people they had a wedding video from Lake Como and it was like 20 minutes or whatever and like it's the type of thing where you're watching it's so beautiful it did make me cry like i was like oh this is beautiful and i'm emotional about it because i love love and they're so in love and it's so beautiful but i'm like sometimes like it's like telling people your dreams when people show you videos of themselves and they're giving their vows and it's like this romantic thing

between two people you're sitting there kind of like your assholes clenching a little bit you're just like awkward but like also you're like this is so beautiful and it was like i'm not saying it wasn't, but you know, they love watching themselves because they're so like they're dressed so well. They're in these, they're in their bride and groom gear. Okay. In fucking late coma. They look like they're in a, like an old Hollywood movie. It was gorgeous, but it was kind of long. And my, and Corey's like, okay, like it was glitching. Stop working. He's like, I think we should get dinner. Let's go eat dinner now. Anyways, we did that Friday. It was great really nice time got together with some friends and then Saturday we did we went to his

mom's house we had family time there family in town a new baby we got to meet in the family which is cool um and then and then I love dude I love the attention everyone's just like how are you feeling tell us everything like how you know they're like can I touch your bum I'm like sure like I also like of course I don't care if you want to touch my bum I don't give a again do anything I am eight oh oh my god speaking of mental breakdowns oh my god I was so pissed we had to go and like do this okay honestly I was like yes family's in town his end of the family right and it's the right thing to do and there's a new baby and like why wouldn't we want to see new baby. Like I'm having a baby. Like, come on. Like, but I was just so like, I was, I was like

yelling about feeling like a fucking show pony. I'm like, I, what am I feel like everyone wants me to come around now because I'm like, I'm the show pony. Everyone wants to like, take a look and see the pregnant lady and like, you know, wheel her into the room and show her off. Right. it's like a fucking prized whatever it's a it's like you're in the show I don't know what what would you call that like a live a livestock show I don't know I'm like out for um you get it and I was having a fucking breakdown before this I was like so dreading it and I was in a mood I was in a mood and I was pissed and I was like I don't want to fucking do because the thing is is I was like my whole weekend it already started Friday right because we did we did a dinner which was

so I guess that wasn't even a thing honestly but then I'm like we also have to do the 4th of July thing and then midday midday noon I have to go be social again my Saturday's fucked like I can only so if I have a middle of the day thing to commit to like a middle a middle of the day lunch a middle of the day, doctor's appointment, middle of the day, anything. That's my day. Hey, that's my day. Okay. A middle of the day thing. Plus an evening outing event, a 4th of July shindig. The whole day is it's double fucked. I'm only thinking the priority would be the night thing. I could can the middle of the day thing. So that way my Saturday can be for me. Okay. So I can do the errands. I need to do clean, clean the things I need to clean. Like,

you know, have a little like me time. Cause it's Saturday. And I, I'm just like, I can't multiple commitments on the same day. I go fucking bad. I go nuts. And then it's so funny. I'm saying this because I'm having a breakdown in the car. I'm just like, I'm in such a bad mood. And Corey's like, but then I, I, I'm really good. I coach myself out of it. So that way I never want to show up like that. I never want to show up like that. So I immediately snap out of it. Like when we're like, you know, five minutes away, I'm like, okay, I'm like, I need to cut this shit out. Like I'm being a snob. I'm being selfish. I'm being stupid and I don't want to feel this way. And so I snapped out of it. It was wonderful. I show up and my husband's cousin, she's like back to the

show pony thing she's like oh my god like she's so excited she's like can i touch it and i'm like yes like i'm so into it i'm so happy because like that's me that's who i am all this moody bullshit is the it's the estrogen it's the progesterone it's whatever the fuck is being pumped at a obnoxious level in my body right now it's not me okay and sometimes that takes over and i'm a raging cunt for no reason okay and so when i remembered who the fuck i am and she wanted to touch my belly and want to ask me all the questions about everything I was like let's let's have a chat okay let's what let's do this I was so happy the attention's been great I do love the attention it's been fun um but yeah the I'm a hot mess a little more often than I'd like

to to admit so we did that so that was Saturday and then on Sunday we had our friends back over at our place to watch the world cup the um mexico game mexico england game where england won we watched that so of course i had to clean the house all day um house was upside down from not being able to clean saturday and you guys whenever i go to like the the amount of lawn just some, there were so many clothes everywhere. I peeled every item of clothing off of every hanger in my closet to find an outfit for the 4th of July event on Saturday. It was, and then the, so then you come home late that night and then you walk in like my office here where I have a closet where some of my clothes are in my bedroom. And there's just like piles of clothes and hangers

into shit so on Sunday that's when you have to clean all that up and clean your house because you're hosting people later because you have dogs and the biggest fear you have is that people are going to walk in your home and smell the dog smell and you're like not that's absolutely not happening like that is I if people walk in my house and they're sniffing and they're like It smells like the kennel, like the humane society in here. I will kill myself. Like I cannot, I cannot handle that. So I go above and beyond.

I do the most extra shit. I'm cleaning my, I'm literally like bisseling my rugs. Every window is open. Every window, every fan is on. The hypochlorous acid spray is on every surface, every curtain every like yeah so we they came over and we had um we had we ordered pizza and pasta and salad and stuff and which was so dumb because our friend was like hey I'm not doing dairy and animal fats right now I have high cholesterol um so he couldn't eat the pizza

so he got some salad and the amount of feta and parmesan in it was like worse than the pizza so we didn't eat and then we ordered carrot cake and brownies and fucking tiramisu and that was all for me honestly but like it was so like I just we had like and by the way we had no food in our fridge we had nothing I didn't have any like I could have done a little cheese and cracker situation but again that he's like not on he's not doing dairy because he got he had high cholesterol coming back from Italy and he like has that in the family and he like needs he needs to get that down so we just fucked up with the food food order but it was fun

so that was Sunday and then um Corey's FaceTiming me fuck wait hold on I have to put you on speaker are you showing me the dogs wait hold on I need

to put this on are you hello are you talking I'll call him back I think it's connected to my computer or some you guys are here with me in the room we're hello sorry did it did the audio not work yeah I think it's because it's connected to my computer and I'm podcasting or something I don't know I'm sorry I'm sorry it's okay

um I'll let you go I'll let you go um is there anything you'd like to say uh just that the dogs are doing well and got some good news in with work but I'll tell you when you're all finished oh cool all right love you okay bye damn it I wish he said something more he could have really, that was his, that was his moment. That was his 15 seconds. He could have popped off about something and he had nothing. I mean, something positive happened at work. So I guess that's all he was probably thinking about, but yeah, he has the dog stay and, um, anyways. Okay. So that was my weekend. Oh my God. This is so long. And we're not even at, we're not even at the portion of the podcast that Matt, that means something to me. Okay. And this is going to tie

into a new story as well. Um, I guess we could move. Oh, wait, what else is on the life updates section here? Wimbledon's happening. Wimbledon, the, you know, the gorgeous, what gorgeous golf not golf tournament, tennis tournament in London. Um, I had the pleasure of going to this back in the day when I did my study abroad. Um, it is so stunning. Like the, the fashion, just the, the classiness of Wimbledon is so, it is the most classy thing I have ever witnessed in my life. I remember there was a specific skirt I saw walk by where in my brain, I still remember this skirt. I go, they only do that in London. The women only do that kind of skirt in London. And it was a long T length skirt, I believe. And she just looked so classy. And

And yeah, I just remember seeing the outfits and just being like, fuck, they just it's just there's levels in life. There are levels of. And they're all about the class system there, the different class levels in England, it's very, you know, separated or it's a there are hard lines, obvious lines, hard class system. it's a class. What am I saying? There's like the, it was a posh event. This is where the posh people go. And now people are bitching, complaining because influencers ruin everything, including Wimbledon, because apparently Alex Earl showed up in this dress that was like, what the fuck are you wearing to Wimbledon? You're not supposed to wear it. I think it was a champagne gold colored dress. I don't remember. I think she did to get ready with me on Tik TOK and people are pissed. And it's like, cause, cause the thing is, is what we're really dealing with, with

influencers going to these sporting events if it's you know f1 wimbledon uh they don't go to the masters they're really not allowed to i don't think i think they they block the influencers out what other i mean basketball nba is a little more chill it's laid back but what are the classy of i'm just thinking let's just say wimbledon and um f1 those are what am i they make these sporting events the influencers look cheap they cheapen it there's something about the fact that they have access to everything they go to everything where the oh oh like the Kentucky Derby is another example I'm thinking of the classy sporting type events they make everything just tackier and cheaper looking and I'm sorry Alex or I love her but also like she's turning she's turning

something's happening you guys I don't know what's happening I don't know what's happening but she's, there's like a dark energy happening. And I think it's, it's summer. It is summer. Um, but she's getting more, I think it's, is it Stassi baby? Is it, it's a, is it Stassi rubbing off on her? Is there like a, is there like a Hollywood elite connection there that's coming through Stassi baby now into Alex Earl is there like a something is happening to Alex Earl and people are like not about her content right now they're like she's it's like a dark energy I don't know what it is it used to be like she's kind of gone people are saying like her eyes like something's not I don't know and of course I adore her I'm not saying anything like you know I

my opinions haven't changed I have I don't have enough to work with here to really make a comment but the people I'm just saying seeing the people commenting about how she's changing anyway she was at Wimbledon people are people are not liking the outfit and the fact that she showed up and yeah it just cheapens these events I can't explain it there's just nothing is cool anymore nothing is exclusive or special or interesting everything's just you see it through the eyes of influencers and it loses its loses its luster loses its the special essence that it once had like there's certain things like when I went to Wimbledon that

was during 20 I was like 20 what 15 2014 and um I mean I had Instagram that was early Instagram but nothing like it is today nothing it was nothing like it is today okay so um oh fuck i forgot to i mean i didn't even set the scene tell you to subscribe whatever doesn't matter um you know what to do you already know what to do obviously it's 2026 you have you're addicted to your cell phone you know what to do you've heard like like subscribe comment review a million times by other other you know what to do you know what to do I forgot to set the scene and talk about my day and talk about this morning and you guys I woke up to okay I heard I heard the lawnmower going off in the front of our house like I heard it and I didn't really know I was hoping I the

first thought i had was like i hope that's next that's our neighbors getting after it with their lawn of course it wasn't okay it was our front lawn i didn't realize the landscapers came today and um anyways so it was that and then my ring camera's going off it's like hey like motion at the front door whatever it says and um now now the ring camera updates are getting really specific specific really specific they're they're telling you like a black man with a backpack is walking by your front door or towards your front I mean it is racially profiling I mean I've seen a woman with a stroller is pushing her stroller up in front of your home the the standard thing is like a package has been delivered a package is detected at your front door

doorbell rang, um, but now it's like a man with a bag. It literally knows the mailman. I think it says the mailman is coming to your front door. It's crazy. So it's like hyper specific now, um, about who's coming to your door, which by the way, I'd never answered my front door life hack life tip pro tip. If you're a woman, if you are home at home all the time, um, never answer your front door for any reason ever ever don't do it I am that's my it's my survival tip of the day just never ever for any reason let someone know unless it's your neighbors you know and it's even that's just fucking annoying anyways like I'm sorry I'm like am I a good neighbor am I gonna I'm a good neighbor but I'm also like I don't want to fucking see anyone like I don't want to

be your friend like I want to be I want to like be friendly with you and I want to do that like hey like I want to wave and like small talk as I'm watering my front garden or whatever but like I don't need to we don't need to be like it's sad it should be that way they should come over with a pie and you know offer it to you and you should take it and go come on in let's have a slice and then like get to know them at the front you know kitchen table but anyways I don't answer my door for any reason. What am I saying? Okay. So I detected, okay. So that the landscapers were there this morning at 7am. It was very early and I'm still in bed because I woke up at 4am wide awake, crazy insomnia. Like couldn't, I was so awake. I was like, I could get up for the day,

but I went to bed at 11. So I was like, that's not enough sleep time. And I was on my phone scrolling for like 45 minutes until four 45. I was like, fuck. And then I like forced myself to get off my phone and just keep sleeping. And then I slept until like seven. Um, anyways, I get out of, or I don't get out of bed, but our window by our, in our, our master bedroom, um, we have, you know, blinds that go up and down. Right. And every morning we open the blinds. It's what you do. Right. Corey was already up here. He brought the, he was like on the way to work at this time. He already, yeah, he had the dogs. It was great. He was like up and Adam very early. We skipped the gym. I slept in. I never sleep until seven and

the fucking, one of the guys, the landscaping guys, it's so I'm like, I'm, I sleep naked. Okay. Everyone like, I, yeah, that's what I do. Okay. I don't do PJs. I don't do, unless I'm doing my belly oils, which I am slacking off on right now. I'll wear a maternity pair of shorts that go over the belly so all the oils and stuff don't get all over the sheets. I'll wear that. Yeah, anyways, I sleep naked. I sit up, and as I sit up to get out of bed,

I forget they come to the back porch. They hedge our Azalea in the back. He walks by, and he doesn't see me, but I'm like, okay, do I hide in bed right now, or do I get up naked and just quickly close the blinds? And I did the second option and it was, it was very close. It was a close call. Um, but yeah, anyways, that happened this morning. Fuck. What time is it? I don't know when I started. We're still going. Oh, I went to target. Okay. So I'm just, this is a life updates. Should I just make two episodes?

am I hitting a wall I do have leftover barbecue in the fridge I got a full rack of ribs the side of tri-tip macaroni salad and potato salad I wish I got the coleslaw because I took a bite of Cory's coleslaw and it was a lot better than my potato salad I wish I got macaroni salad and coleslaw with my barbecue and I didn't but it was wonder it was wonderful I got a full rack of beef ribs only half the half the rack took the other half home I am for the algorithm now now like work with me right now like let's let's um like I need someone to like brainstorm with me right now success coach me um podcast coach me do I eat the rack of ribs the left of a rack of ribs. There's a segment I'm going to be doing in the, in the future here

because I'm wilting like a dying flower. I am low blood sugar right now. I need a snack. Okay. These life updates have become the entire episode and I'm, I'm, I'm, I'm getting, I'm losing steam. Okay. I need food. Okay. Do I eat the half rack of baby back ribs as I talk? because it's a huge story right now. I don't know if you know, this is, this is breaking news happening right now in the biohacking space. Okay. Do I eat these ribs on camera while I'm discussing Brian Johnson's stomach eating itself? Okay. He has a gastrointestinal immune condition. is that the perfect like juxtapose like the i'm just face fucking beef ribs as i'm talking about brian johnson's stomach eating itself and i'm also gonna be talking about my eating disorder

i've already like pre-planned this because hi like okay behind the scenes of podcasting um i used to just not plan anything and just let i mean i pretty much up until this point have written notes oh my god am I giving away my oh my god magicians never reveal their tricks or whatever the quote is you know I'm I'm doing more research you could say I'm doing more I'm brushing up on the content I'm going to be discussing more than I used to because it used to be I would just read a headline and go okay I want to talk about that and then as I'm podcasting I'm learning about it we've already learned about it okay and then we're gonna report on it anyways thinking about eating these ribs live on camera with like a paper towel like tucked in because I'm so hungry right

now fuck okay we got this okay but I need to finish the life updates like I'm gonna power through this and then I'm gonna get some food and then go into the news um we just have yeah we have We have a lot, but fuck. Okay. So I went to target. I went to target the other day and I haven't been to target in a while, but every time I go to target, I have a bad experience. And it's usually with the cashiers. They're not with me while I'm checking out. If that makes sense. They're not personable. They're not, they're not, they don't want to be there. Okay. They never want to be there. This specific target in San Diego that I go to, they don't want to be there. They don't want to work there. They don't want to talk

to you. It's very cold. It's a very cold environment at target. And I know target has turned in a lot of people's minds. A lot of people are not about target anymore. Um, the vibe has completely changed and it's not what it used to be like so many other establishments in this country, target has lost its sauce completely. And it is very dystopian and sad. And speaking of dystopian, when I, um, and they're all Brown now, target is Brown. It's not red. It's Brown target that we used to know and love the red target on the side of the bill. It's all Brown, beige and sad and lifeless. So I got a target the other day. And speaking of dystopian, it okay what time of day was this it was like a tuesday at 2 p.m or yeah so tuesday at 2 p.m

and for some reason the international community of san diego flocks to this target to shop i don't know what's around the area that would i don't know why i don't know why but I know that I hear a lot of other languages I see a lot of faces from around the world that I'm not used to seeing um in terms of bone structure skin you guys it's very it's a melting pot target this target I go to what am I saying it's it's a multicultural um it's a mech it's a mecca of multiculturalism I'm hearing French I'm hearing German I'm hearing Portuguese I'm hearing Japanese. I'm hearing a lot of, yeah, Chinese, Japanese.

There's a lot of Asian people that come here. Sometimes there's a bus that drops off. There's something going on in the area. I don't know what. I can't put my finger on it. Something I could put my finger on is the fact that now, when you go into Target, people do not see past two feet in front of them.

everyone's vision bubble has shrunk i'm assuming because of our phones and our phone addiction nobody sees each other nobody is with the people in the target around them they're not they're in the two feet of space in front of them and that's it that's it okay if they're in the produce aisle, it's them and the bananas. Okay. If they're in the gaming section, it's them and the PS, whatever 10, I don't know what we're on. If they're in the frozen aisle there with them and the ice cream leader, or what is it called? The ice cream pints. That's it. And okay. But, But also, but also, when they are in, this happened to me, when these two, they were cute little Asian girls. I'll just be specific.

These cute little Asian girls are probably in college. I think they might have been in college. Maybe they go to like UC San Diego. I don't know. They, because they only see two feet in front of them, I am looking at the cake mix. I am looking at the cake mix okay I'm standing you know in the middle of the aisle looking at the cake mix trying to decide do I go Ghirardelli or do I go Betty Crocker right it's usually between those two for me I always go Ghirardelli

and then I go do I do do I do cake or I do do I do do I do brownies I usually want I usually the thing is, is I I'm really, okay. The double it's called Ghirardelli double chocolate brownies that mix specifically just get that. Don't even make the cake, make the brownies and frost them with cream cheese frost frosting. Thank me later. Better yet, make them in a cupcake tin. Okay. 10 out of 10 grocery store item right there. Okay. Get the Betty Crocker cream cheese frosting. That's fine. But get the Ghirardelli double chocolate brownie mix. Get two box double, double the recipe. You're going to, you're going to love them so much. You're going to be happy you did. Okay. So I'm in the middle of the aisle, you know, in a free state trying to decide Betty

Crocker, Gary Daly, whatever. And you know, I've got space between me and the, the cake box mixes and the spatial awareness. Oh, by the way, I started going closer to the boxes. Cause now I'm going to examine them. I'm looking, you know, I don't give a fuck about ingredients at this point. Cause you know, I'm in the cake box section. Like, like I'm not in like, it's all bad. Like there's nothing. I mean, maybe there was like a quest bar protein version of cake mix somewhere, but I'm not about that life. So like, whatever, I get closer to examine the box and like shoulder to shoulder with me is a girl also looking at the same box. Like in my bubble, she came, the two girls. Like there was no awareness of me. It was just her and the two feet in front of her

that happened to be the same cake mix I was looking at. And it was like, Oh my God. The other day, speaking of spatial awareness, I was at the gym and I was doing cable kickbacks. This is exactly how it felt. This is exactly how it felt, but I didn't have like, I'm not going to give this, this girl, this Asian woman in the target the cake box section elbows. I'm not going to give her like, I don't have a cable to like kick back at her that would make sense to move her out of my way. I can't stiff arm her out of my bubble. Okay. Like what, what do you do? Like move? Like I could have said something. I just kind of was so taken back by it that I didn't say anything. I just kind of was like, all right,

you do you bitch. Like you go get the cake mix. I'll take my time here. I'll, I'll stand back and wait. But the other day at the gym, I, by the way, if you are behind me while I'm doing a cable kickback and you think you're going to use the cable behind me to do a fucking lap pull down or a cable row, whatever, whatever, some sort of upper body thing behind me, you are getting kicked. Okay. I am kicking you. I am using the space I was using before you got there. I'm using it to its full capacity. I am not moving. Okay. Because there's no, it's usually busy where I go to where I go to the gym it's usually so busy hey hey that's not it's not happening I'm kicking so the other day this this girl was just so

unaware of like like I'm kicking back this way like if you stand there you're gonna get kicked and I kicked I literally I have kicked so many people doing a cable kickback at the gym I don't give a fuck if you were in my space if you were in my space you're getting kicked I'm a fucking donkey at the gym I am a donkey and I don't give a fuck okay I will kick you and I have no remorse for it because you have no awareness of other people's space you have no regard for other people's it is so irritating and she tried to set up a cable she starts doing like this like pulling it down and I'm like right in the cooch I don't give a fuck I will kick you in your vagina I will kick you in your balls I will kick you wherever my leg lands okay wherever my leg lands

you're getting kicked. And she immediately left. Didn't say a word. I also, because I'm not a complete cunt, we'll be like, Oh, sorry. Like I kind of like a quick one, like a quick, like, Oh shit. Like, you know, oopsie. Didn't mean to do that. Cause I'm not like, you know, obviously you know, I'm a terror. I'm a, I'm a bitch, but I'm not like a bitch, you know, like I'm anyways at the back to target i just noticed it was very creepy i felt as i was walking around target i felt this energy that it felt bad i wanted to get out of there i wanted to get out of there so i didn't enjoy my time there it was also it was the combination of people only really having awareness of the two feet in front of them and not being considerate of or acknowledging

people's existence in the same room and there's something going on where it's like everyone's in their own bubble no one interacts no one talks you've you've all experienced this it's very weird especially when you're in close proximity like I was with this girl in the cake section you know it wasn't like hey I'm from China is this cake mix good do you have any recommendations of what cake mix is the best and what you like what one were you going to pick out it wasn't that it was just like zombie land just like look it was we were so close to the cake mix boxes together we were like with Siamese twins. We were sure it was so, well, she kind of went in front of me

because I was like, I don't know. You know, I wasn't, I was kind of at a 45 degree angle. And so she was kind of like chest back with me. Like it was very strange. There was no awareness, but then again, the energy and target was very weird. The also it was the amount of products. It was, I was, my skin was starting to crawl. I was just like, I hate late stage capitalism. I hate hyper consumerism. I hate why I was, I was like, why am I here? I think it was because I ordered groceries and they weren't going to come to the next day. So I was like, I need something to hold us over for tonight. I need to make dinner. So I grabbed some dinner, some stuff for dinner. And then, um, you know, I'm what else did I,

and then I was like, Oh, I haven't been targeting a while. I'm going to walk around all the aisles. I go to like the athleisure section. I go to the bikini section. I go to, and I'm just like, get me the fuck out of here. And then when I checked out, when I checked out, I forgot bags. Okay. And it was this young guy who's probably 22. Just, you know, just, you know, Oh, whatever. oh my god i'm pissed he is like would you like to buy a bag and i go sure yes i forgot i forgot my bag say yeah please that'd be that'd be great it's all he said to me the whole time didn't even tell me my total this is how bad it is at target i'm saying target this could

i feel like this is happening everywhere okay they ask you do you want to purchase a bag and then they say nothing they say nothing after that they don't tell you your total they don't tell you they don't small talk about your day the only the only place this is still happening let's be honest is um trader joe's let's be honest thank god i need to start going back there. He, I had, I had okay. Heavy items. Like I had Celsius drinks. I had a package of sparkling water. So like a box of spindrifts, like I'm drinking now. I didn't tell you, I didn't tell you my beverage. I'm drinking a lemon spindrift. I had cans. Okay. Box of cake mix, the brownie mix I went with the brownie mix the Ghirardelli double chocolate a can of cream cheese frosting

is pretty heavy okay so like I had I had some pretty substantial items okay almond milk also okay would you like to purchase bag I say yes the level of retardation I experienced when he bagged my groceries i have no i have i have nothing to say i've not i am i am like okay this is a decently clean cut good looking white kid he's probably 22 okay probably played sports in high school maybe he's still into i don't know maybe golf i don't fucking know but like judging a book by its cover if I had to cast him, if I had to cast him, he like what I cast him as a target cashier, a target employee. Yeah. Like it tracked, it tracked, but like my brain, I, I'm still on the,

the, the target employee, um, the guy with the khakis and the red shirt who went viral like 10 years ago that worked at target. Like I'm still in that. I'm still carrying that kind of like POV of what a target employee should be and how they should act. I think he did something great in the viral video. I think there was something positive that happened. Was he hot? I think he was hot. I think that's why he went viral. I don't know. So judging a book by its cover I'm like I feel like he had like a stay-at-home mom that made him really good sandwiches and he had a stable home and he played sports he got decent grades he went he's probably a college you know a college student local maybe he's from out of state I don't know but just like

like a he looked like like my fucking brother like a normal dude just like a nice clean-cut normal dude the way okay if I was bagging my groceries okay and by the way bags are 10 cents they're 10 cents okay they're 10 cents would you like to buy a bag yes okay okay Mr. Literal okay Mr. Literal we'll get to that if I was bagging these groceries as a cashier I would recognize the weight of the groceries and I would go it's probably going to take multiple bags okay it's gonna take multiple bags by the way they're paperbacks they're fucking paperbacks with no handles he he no no no these had those no no no these had those burlap handles no i'm thinking of okay these did have handles when i really think about it because i remember the way

he like handed me the bag they had these like twine handles it was a paper bag with like twine handles, like burlap-y twine handles. But it would have taken, if I did it, like two to three bags, especially because the drinks were heavy, okay? The drinks were heavy and there was lots of drinks. It got like 15 Celsiuses, okay? Somehow he fucking Tetris-ed my grocery order into this one paper bag and thought that was okay. The level of retarded, like it is unacceptable, okay? I, and he didn't talk to me he didn't talk to me he didn't talk to me he tetris my groceries in this singular brown paper bag with the burlap handles it was it did have handles i think his mind was thinking oh she can pick this up with the handles no shit

cameron like no shit it has handles he like does the most wide grip on the handles and scoots it he can't even lift it it's so fucking heavy like scoots it towards me and lays the receipt on top doesn't even say have a great day he's already talking to the next the next customer they're already doing that they're already doing the checkout by the time I get the bag and he slides it he's sliding it and he's already scanning new shit he doesn't give a fuck about me okay Cameron I feel like his name is Cameron you're everything that's wrong with this country and i hate you and i hate i hate the vibes of going out in public and being around other american citizens and employees at these

establishments it is fucking bullshit no one takes pride my neighbors aren't taking pride my neighbors aren't taking pride and and they're in their home they're letting it go to shit they're not mowing they're not coming outside they're they're not coming outside to take their garbage Kansan. They're not. These employees don't talk to you. These people, your fellow neighbors, your fellow citizens that you exist with in this country, don't talk to you. They don't acknowledge your presence. If anything, they get in your way and they don't even say, oh, like, sorry, I bumped you or oh, nothing. It's disgusting. Okay. I'm pregnant. Okay. I am pregnant. I am obviously pregnant, Cameron. Okay. I'm a pregnant woman. I'm a pregnant woman who

forgot her bags. Okay. And you give me 50 pounds of groceries in a singular paper bag to waddle out with. I did have a cart and I did put the bag in the cart because that's, that was obviously what I was going to do. Regardless, I struggled to lift that singular bag into my shopping cart. It was on the verge. I got eggs. I got fucking eggs. And he put them on the top. That was the final piece of how he bagged my groceries. The final piece of how he bagged my groceries was let's finish this Tetris puzzle by putting the eggs right on top, which was smart. I will give him that because they're fragile. And like, that's obviously where you put the eggs, but like knowing him, like, or I guess he isn't that retarded because he, those would have been on

the bottom. You know what I mean? But so like, okay, I'll give him like a little bit of a boost in his rating. If I had to do a review, um, the fucking eggs on top. So I'm, I'm being gingerly about it. I can, I can't even use the handles. I might, he had a wider grip than me. Okay. He could probably palm a basketball. I'm not, I'm a dainty woman. Okay. I can't wide grip the paper bag handles like that and so I fully do a medicine ball carry with my like if you've ever done a medicine ball carry you know I'm talking about with my shopping bag and I like I'm not supposed a side bend too much right now it's resting on my child in my fucking pregnant belly because that's the only way i was going to lift this into my cart okay he scoots it to me with his hand he's already

scanning the next the next customer's groceries he's not talking talking to me he's not saying how can i help no one's saying how can i help this pregnant woman no one's saying that by the way a baby starts crying at the same time this is all going on and i'm highly concerned about the next thing that happened I medicine bulk Harry my grocery bag over to my cart and now I'm like I need to fit this in the top section where the the child seat is because I cannot bend this I cannot get this over the the side of the cart and down I'm not supposed to bend like that I need this to be in the front baby seat thing and it was leaning it didn't the base of the fucking the base of the fucking

plastic what the fuck the base of the of the brown paper bag stuffed to the brim did not fit properly in this child seat of my shopping cart so it's leaning so i'm holding it one arm pushing the cart holding it okay again eggs are on top and i'm getting the fuck out of there as fast as I can. Okay. And I parked in the back of the parking lot. I parked in the back of the parking lot because I have goals. And my goal right now is 10,000 steps a day until this baby comes. Okay. I'm getting my steps in and I had to go, I had to go, I had to go a pretty, pretty far distance with this cart and this leaning shopping bag with eggs on top. Okay. It is hell to live here in this country right now. It is fucking hell. I, you know, I get shamed. I get

shamed, you know, well, I've had people in my life that grew up in a different generation expressed to me that like, and I did what they told me, go out, go to the store, go into the store, buy your groceries in the store. Don't be a lazy piece of shit. Like, cause I get them delivered and I've let them know I'm being, I, you know, who you're, hi, I'm talking about you, but you're part of this story. So like, it's fun and it's, it's, you're, it's fun. We're having fun. They've expressed it like, you know, all this convenient stuff you do is like, it's ruining society. Like it's not good for you. Like you need to get out, be around people, but then you go out and you, you be, you be around people and it's, it's Satan's house. It's Satan's house. It is,

it's zombie land on the way out i almost called cps on a woman i was okay so then this happened it was the type of screaming crying you hear in a grocery store where it's like this child's in pain like it's not just a tantrum like a whiny like, mommy, I want a cookie. And like, it's not like one of those things. It was like a visceral primal child cry scream. And it was very loud. It was to the point where everyone's looking, there's elderly people in the, in the pharmacy section, breaking their necks literally to like, yeah, like see what's happening around the corner. And it was in the, in the checkout aisle section, she was at the self-checkout with her kid and um she was trying to trying to calm him down and she

was like stop it brayden stop it i don't know his name brayden stop it stop stop it and he's like wailing like like i thought something like he was hurt like you know when you hear some i i mean if you've ever heard like someone grieve after some, I saw, I saw the hardest I've ever heard or the most primal thing I've ever heard in my life came from a woman. The day I got Jimmy and I picked up my golden retriever puppy the day of two hours before a Yorkie got hit by a car in front of my apartment. Okay. The scream I heard, I was on a meeting. I was on a zoom call at my old PR job. I just stopped the meeting and I said, I have to go check, check on what's happening outside. I think someone's hurt it was the craziest scream I've ever heard in my life like I will never

forget that she comes across the road with her dead Yorkie goes to the man who ran it over and sets the Yorkie down in front of his fucking he got out of his car and set it set it down in front the lifeless Yorkie in front of this man on the pavement and was just wailing screaming at him it was so dark I will never forget that the way this baby toddler like he was probably three in target was screaming was as primal and dark as that. And everyone was looking and I'm holding my fucking grocery bag that's leaning and I'm pushing my car. And I'm like, and this dump, this dumb. I hate, oh my God, I am so fired. I don't even think I can talk about Brian Johnson's stomach eating, eating itself this episode. I don't think we're going to make it. I don't

think we're going to make it. I think I need to make two episodes because I'm fired. I'm fired the fuck up right now. Okay. My biggest cause, honest to God, now that I'm in this chapter of life, my biggest cause, the thing I care about so much. And now I do get, I, I am concerned about the birth rate. Okay. We discussed this last week. I'm concerned about the birth rate. it is it's a major problem maybe you could argue it's not because we have too many people in this whatever but like it's you know lowest it's ever been so i'm pro like have children have kids i hate seeing people that clearly should not have kids have kids it's so it makes me so sad it makes me I get so sad when it's like a fucking carny woman who barely

takes care of herself has completely like let herself go looks just facially stressed right It's always like the face, it's, it, you see all, it reads like mama needs, it reads mama needs a coffee. Mama needs, mama needs a target run right now. It's like, it's just, it's so stressed. The body is stressed. The mind is, everything is stressed. And then she has six kids.

This, she only had the one kid at the target, target that day. The other kids were probably at daycare. I don't fucking know what was her, her, her situation was. but just when you see the way she was parenting and the immaturity the trying to reason like like like she's a toddler like braid it like stop it like she's like being sassy or whatever being like oh like don't do that oh don't hit me like you know when you see parents that are like don't touch me like that it's like take the child take the child when they're having the tantrum you remove them from the setting you just you don't even reason you don't even negotiate you don't

fucking you take the child you bring you bring them to the car we're done we're not going target is over whatever errand you got to run that day it's not happening you're not getting your groceries you're not getting your prescription you're not getting you're not getting a new toy for braiding you're not getting anything okay they learn the consequence of their action the best that way when you sit there and negotiate and go stop it like in that bullshit I think I'm redeeming myself in terms of like will I be fit to be a parent but yeah it breaks my heart and all in all seriousness it breaks my heart when I see this poor kid was crying so hard and I'm just like, I need to get the fuck out of here. But

like, I can't watch this kid cry like this. It was so uncomfortable and dark. And like this mom was like struggling to like help him and make him feel better. I was like, I just want to give him a hug. Give him a hug. Give him a hug. Oh my God. Hold him, caress him, give him love, like love on him. I was, it was a rough, you guys, I need to, what time is it? What time did I start? What time did i say i started 10 something okay um we need to like take it take it down a notch take it down notch this will be our intermission and then i'll talk about some news um i do have it in me i do have the I have the spirit of a lion in me to continue podcasting today it's only 12 30 I could be here all day let's be honest I just need I just need a quick snack okay I never do this we're

gonna pause hi this is the smoke and mirrors of podcasting we're going to close the we're gonna pause and we're gonna come back and we're gonna talk about the news okay I'm back here with my leftover barbecue ribs and a pack of paper towels we're taking a risk doing this i understand um but i gotta eat okay so we're gonna eat and we're gonna talk about the news the things happening in the world let's start off the taylor swift and travis kelsey wedding don't care moving on um we've got uh my favorite fucking thing is the fact that like their biggest fear about their wedding was the fact that drones filming their wedding could happen if they did it outside or or helicopters pop like that was like the reason they did it at madison square garden

like god forbid that's like the worst thing in their minds that could happen so they went to the most unromantic stupid place to have a wedding it sounds like it was a carnival they were raffling off Cartier watches and cars and it just sounds so tacky there we don't have a lot to work with it did work the fact they did it there because there's not a lot no one had there's there's not a lot of content so far about it um there's not a lot to I guess the vows were 20 minutes I don't know I don't give a you guys she's never captured me I don't care like Taylor Swift doesn't resonate um I think she's fucking annoying the end like Taylor Swift okay so Taylor Swift's wedding happened with Travis Kelsey. The end, don't care, moving on. There is a diarrhea outbreak.

There's a massive shitting outbreak happening. There's a parasite causing it, I believe. Let me play this here. Attention right now on WBTV.com. And while we understand this isn't exactly pleasant dinner table conversation, your health should be top of mind. Yeah, health officials are tracking cases of a parasite that can cause severe, sometimes explosive diarrhea and the illness actually does have a name it's called cyclospora oh so what exactly is that you're asking well that is tonight's good question according to the CDC cyclospora is a microscopic parasite that infects the intestines unlike a stomach virus that can rip through an

entire household this parasite typically spreads when people eat food or drink water contaminated with human waste here in the US outbreaks have often been linked to fresh produce. And this outbreak actually started back on May 1st. The CDC reports there have been 145 cases as of June 16th. That was the last time the agency gave an update, so that was just over three weeks ago. Now, where exactly are these cases? Well, they're spread throughout the country. 17 states, but most are along the East Coast. The CDC shared this map that you're looking at right here new york as you can see has the highest concentration of cases north carolina we come anywhere from one to ten cases south carolina everyone at taylor's

wedding is shitting themselves right now i don't give a fuck about this honestly um liquid diarrhea doesn't scare me in fact i i welcome it i embrace it it's my favorite kind of shitting. Um, if I had to pick liquid hits the heart, I mean, it just, it's a, it, it's so explosive. It's kind of like, I can't believe this is happening right now. As you're shitting liquid, you're like, Holy shit. It's like, it's like going on a rollercoaster ride. Like it's just takes your breath away. It really does. When you, when you get liquid diarrhea, um, and the liquid shits. So I guess don't eat produce right now. I don't know. nearly a thousand people in michigan have been diagnosed with a parasitic infection that

can cause weeks of watery diarrhea making it the largest such outbreak in state history so this is michigan specific this uh website i guess cyclospora surges surges can be tricky to investigate blah blah blah okay so this is kind of an adjacent story to what's happening with brian johnson brian johnson's stomach is eating itself here we go brian johnson says he's been diagnosed with autoimmune gastritis a condition where the immune system literally attacks the stomach lining it is true my stomach is eating itself and here is why that makes me excited for context i was diagnosed with autoimmune thyroid disease at age 21 this is decades before i started my protocol autoimmune gastritis affects millions of people around the world and it

currently has no cure. We are going to try to solve that. A few days ago, I had a massive blood draw. We are sequencing 1 million of my immune cells. We're doing this because you have trillions of immune cells in your body that operate as soldiers. Each one of these immune cells or soldiers carries a specific key that is designed to kill a specific threat like a virus or bacteria. By identifying which of these immune cells are the rogue soldiers, from there we can design specific solutions to stop their attacks. There are a ton of ideas online on how we can find a cure. And friends, I just want to tell you, I appreciate you.

I appreciate the effort, the concern, and the want to find a cure. Now, in trying to find a cure, we are agnostic. We're going to follow the data. We want this to be methodical and reproducible so it can work in others too. So this likely isn't as simple as one cause, one fix. There is a stigma around getting a diagnosis. People think it's bad. I think it's great.

The earlier you know, the better you are. I want to diagnose every single thing in my body. I genuinely appreciate all the kindness and support from all of you I've received. He's trying to put a positive spin on this, but I call bullshit. Little background, I used to be Brian Johnson. I used to have an eating disorder for 10 years.

My life had no meaning. And I see right through this, okay? Brian Johnson's perfectionism, perfectionist tendencies about his health and his body, he is gonna kill him. He's gonna die, okay? So what Brian Johnson needs to do to fix his gastrointestinal issues

is he needs to tap into epigenetics. He should know about this. Brian Johnson, you should, you, come on. Epigenetics, come on. Come on, come on, come on, come on. You can change your body with your mind, Brian. You can change your body with your mind, okay? you need to do the opposite of what you think you should do okay this is the common advice they give

you by the way when you go through ed recovery they basically say like you can't have any rules and regulations around food you have to let all of that go you have to have complete neutrality with food you can't have good and bad labels right and wrong labels at all you you can't or else your brain is going to harbor that like addict thing in that food addiction mode and obsess about it. So if everything's just whatever neutral, then your mind can relax. Your body can relax. It can actually like lose the weight that you want to lose. It's, it's the opposite of what you think. And so I think Brian Johnson is clenching his heart as his ass. He's clenching as hard as he can. Let it go, Brian. Let it go, Brian. Your mind, your mind, your mind is so

crampacked with biohacking information right now. It's going to kill itself. Okay. Think about it. Bodies aren't perfect. All right. We have cancer cells in our body at all times. We have staff infection cells on our skin at all times. I got a staff infection once. That's the only reason I know that. It's like always on your skin, but like sometimes it can flare up, whatever. So like bodies aren't perfect. They're not supposed to be perfect. We have these systems in place. We have these filters in place that keep things moving, that keep us healthy, that keep us alive. Okay. So when your mind is telling your body, Brian, on a daily basis, that it needs to be optimal, it needs to fire a certain way. Every cell in your body needs to be optimized.

and you have these thoughts coming in and out all day about how your body should operate, your body's sitting there and it's like, Hey bitch, you know, I'm having a bad day. I'm not operating as perfectly as I, as I should be. I understand that Brian. And they're feeling pressure. It's like when a teacher's mad at you, they're, you're like feeling like anxiety about it and that's manifesting into your autoimmune gastritis stomach eating condition brian it's you're freaking your own body out and you need to fucking relax okay you need to fucking relax your mind creates your reality it manifests like you can literally think your way in and out of disease did anyone watch the heel documentary people literally sat on a rock overlooked the

ocean and healed their cancer just by sitting and thinking about the fact that they don't have cancer anymore epigenetics brian this man needs to become useful he needs to get a hobby outside of his body and switch it up okay i'm done i'm fucking sick of this shit and i'm sick of seeing him in the news talking about his body and his health and his bowel movements and his stomach and all this it's disgusting it needs to stop okay so what i'm gonna do right now and by the way this is what america needs okay i'm going to use him as an example and then i'm going to transition into other people that also need to wise up in this country okay a lot of people in this country need to become useful we've a lot of people that are self-obsessed self-absorbed so self-focused

it's killing them brian johnson's a perfect example i'm going to use him as an example to start this segment because in this portion of the podcast, I am now a career counselor. Okay. So like I am now a career counselor. Okay. This is what's going on. I'm rapid. This is going to be kind of a rapid fire thing. Okay. Brian, you're into biohacking. We know this, your stomach's eating itself. You know this. Okay. But this, and get this brain, you're going to love this. Okay. This is the perfect career switch up for you. Linda has a connection in Denver. you are going to treat this like life and death. You are now an airport wheelchair assistant.

Brian Johnson, I don't want to know about your bowel movements. I don't want to know about that anymore. I want to know how many grandmas made it on the plane safely because of you. And please film it. You can make content around this. You can make a career out of this. I don't care. That is something this country needs.

And that is something that would get your mind outside of your body that's eating itself. Remember, your stomach is eating itself because you're so wound tight. You're so wound tight about your diet and your food and your exercise and your sleep and anti-aging and not dying and never dying that it's killing itself. You are going to die if you do not switch up careers, get your mind outside of your body and help Linda get to her connecting flight in Denver safely. You are now an airport wheelchair assistant. Next.

I just got back from the nail salon and I felt like sharing. My very best friend in New York taught me this actually, who's quite literally the chicest girl I know without trying. And you know, those girls, you always just got to trust them. I'm going to be doing this, I think, all summer. I just got a clear coat with nail strengthener on top. Almond-shaped nails, but just not super long, but not super short. this is the vibe. I know we all love a nude. We love a French. Like I will be doing that

at least once or twice this summer, especially for my wedding. But like Kenny, her name's Kenny, Kenny, Kenny. Perfect. Perfect. You are now reading to first graders every Tuesday. moving on my biggest financial flex is that i won't have to work until ever i'm set for life i hit the stock market big what investments tesla straight tesla okay how much did you make uh around 50 million no way my dad was big he put it in for me when i was just born and it hit big i'm gonna try and hold on to it so i can have my kids set for life as well what made your dad want to buy tesla you know i honestly okay that was joe Great joe. Love it. You made your millions. You made your money now

You're delivering meatloaf to doris. Okay, stay with me You are i'm your career counselor. You are now delivering meatloaf to doris. You are working for meals on wheels You are a delivery delivery driver for meals on wheels next. I'm a strict bitch Okay, but the person i'm the most strict with is myself taking extremely good care of myself is a non-negotiable for me And while for some it may seem excessive i found that the more i pour into myself the better i perform in every area of my life so these are all of the habits that help me stay strict with my appearance i get ready every single day i do my skincare morning and night i always do a little bit of makeup even if it's

just tinted sunscreen and a brow gel and i change into a real outfit even if it's just a leisure i do not allow myself to sit in pajamas all day when i look put together i feel put together and I'm so much more. So water is what, um, this is what's her name. This is Victoria, Victoria. Wonderful. Okay. So let's redirect this discipline into something useful. Okay. Something this country needs. You are now working for search and rescue and you're stabilizing hikers until the helicopter gets there. Victoria, I need you to be lethal with a tourniquet. Okay. I need you to, that's going to be your specialty. Okay. Sure. You can film it. You make content just like this self-care video whatever you need to do to to feel like you are seen and heard and known by other

people that you exist because now if you don't film yourself and you're not online you don't really exist right so like you applying a tourniquet are you fucking kidding me to a hiker that's bleeding out like that is the content we all in this country want to see we want to see people helping other people people doing things of service outside of themselves your your routine Penis, so obvious. Brow gel, a tinted sunscreen. What else did you mention? Drinking water.

You are better than this, Victoria. You are better than this, Victoria. Develop skills that help people that have nothing to do with yourself, okay? You are welcome to film it, okay? I'm your career counselor. You are now joining Search and Rescue and you're stabilizing hikers

before the helicopter gets there. Moving on. Do you want to attract the perfect partner for you? Then what you need to do is ask yourself, how do I build myself right now into the best partner that I can be? See, here's the reason why. When you are the best partner that you can be, you will attract the best person that aligns with the person that you have become. I can't. I cannot take this. I'm so sorry. I'm like breaking right now, but I, you guys, again, this is like another water is wet one. This is what, what's his name? Rob, Rob dial, Rob. Beautiful. He's already, he's already got a mic. Okay. He's

already got a mic and he loves, you know, giving advice and helping. So he's kind of already helping people with his podcast. You know, he's got a podcast, Mike, he's giving relationship advice. Great. Rob, now you're going to start talking to people where every single sentence you say matters. Okay. And this is going to help save lives. Rob, you are now an air traffic controller. Okay. This country needs more air traffic controllers. I'm your career counselor. That is your new profession. Sure. You can film it. It comes with a microphone. You love that. We already know you love that. So you'll fit right in. This is a seamless job transition and I pivot into something not only that you're already into, you're already like giving advice and talking to

people. This is now going to actually contribute to society and help save lives and keep people from planes from crashing, hopefully. Fingers crossed. Do we believe in Rob? Do you think he's qualified after saying better yourself and that will attract, if you better yourself, you'll attract a partner. What did he say? Duh, bitch. We don't need more podcasts of people saying obvious, obvious takes make my brain explode. Moving on. iOS 26.5 was just released to everyone. Here are the best new features. First, go into your settings then scroll down and click on apps now search for messages and click on it you will see this one's easy what's his name alex tech support the senior center simple you'll be great at that

moving on if you're dating an alpha man famous hot rich any of those three or worse all of those three together then you cannot show weakness in any area so like for example if you think it's okay to try and make him jealous, he ain't the guy. If you think that you cannot text him back, as soon as you're not available, some of the bitches. If you want to deal with a man on that level, let me tell you, I am her on the female version. I'm telling you exactly how it is for me and it's even more for them. You cannot take a day off from your job, which is him. He is your full-time job. So if he wants your attention, give it. If he wants sex, give it. Whatever he wants you good because he can have it in a heartbeat if it ain't you he is not the guy

to go and fuck around on and be like yeah you know what I used to fun fact little backstory um I used to work with her back in the day uh long story we won't get into that there was a there was a diddy request I will say that there was a hey like I was I remember I'll never forget I was driving my, my car. This is a, this is a college car. I'm selling, by the way, this piece of shit car that I moved to San Diego with. And I looked down at my Apple watch and it's literally like her WhatsAppping me about getting Diddy an interview with her and contacting his people. Side note. Um, but, but, but, okay, this is a, this is the one and only Natasha Graziano. know if you know you know what a what a queen what a badass but again she is helping so so what i do

i'll give her this is what i'll give her she's helped she is like her mind is about helping people giving mentoring people giving advice um motivation public speaking it's she does a lot of she's not fully all about herself a lot like a lot of influencers i do recognize she is trying to help other people but I need her to do this in a in a in a place where she's not talking about alpha males like this and dating an alpha male like it's not relevant because these women just went through a domestic violence situation and they need help and mentorship and comfort and love and I need Natasha to be and again she can film it it's fine like an executive director at a women's shelter a local women's shelter I think she lives in LA that's what I need to see okay

enough of this slimy dating alpha males riding in private jets rubbing elbows with celebrities being with billionaires like it's disgusting like it's so like we know this like if you have if you don't have self-awareness yet to recognize that about yourself like I don't think it's ever gonna think it's too far gone my recommendation as your career counselor natasha is to become an executive director at a women's shelter i think that's exactly what this world needs from you i think that is where you are best placed okay that is where i'd like to cast you okay moving on all right how much does it cost a month to date a baddie so if we do a weekly blowout 120 if she goes to like an event once a week and gets glam that's like immediately fema warehouse manager

manager. She, I think she's from, um, she's like a real estate agent from the Sir Hant show. I recognize her. I think that's what she says. She's really like type a, I need her to be a warehouse manager. FEMA seems right for her. I, it could be any, where else she gets, she could work for, um, Amazon. She could fucking work in Amazon where I don't give a fuck. Just feel like warehouse manager. Let's keep listening. She details off the price of being about or what it's like to the cost of being a baddie 150 so that's like 300 nails toes that's another like say 350 400 okay so we're at 270 plus 300 so we're at like 570 570 which like isn't crazy it's not bad no no we're good right now fema warehouse manager moving on do i have anyone left oh yeah

we've got jenny we're gonna check in on jenny we talked about jenny last week jenny is where i give grace and I I give up as a career counselor as the I'm the career coordinator right now on the show Jenny she can stay put right where

she's at I asked my married friend what is the secret to marriage and she said to find somebody that room you in the bedroom and I said I will take notes and I said that's literally why I'm on Instagram beautiful beautiful god godspeed jenny like here's another one my doctor asked me if i was

sexually active and i said no not yet and she asked me if i had a plan and i said yeah i have a very detailed plan and she referred me to a specialist and i said i have a specialist and that's instagram okay so she's putting herself out there she's actually willing unlike other influencers and the the common influencer that you you come across online jenny is actually willing to go out in the field and meet people in person and i love that um and i've i said this last week when we talked about the dying the dying birth rate the declining birth rate jenny wants to fuck we need more people fucking and anyone who's going online putting themselves out there because they want a bone i'm like hey like please by all means more of that

more of that um fix that birth rate pop a baby out pop five whatever you want this woman will have five babies with the first man that enters her dams and that's beautiful and that's what this country needs she's marked safe no career switch up here what's this hi my name is jenny nichols i have a warm pink taco and a full fridge the man that and a body that has never been touched the man that changes that is gonna be the luckiest man alive warm pink taco love it Jenny. She's saying the right thing. She's not, she knows exactly what to do to attract a man. And, um, she's, she's, she's marked safe. So those are my career assignments to the people of the internet, including Brian Johnson. Um, yeah, it's getting, it's getting dark out there.

I feel like I I'm cracking. If you can't tell, I'm fully cracking. I, I want to see a better future. I want to see a better world. So that's why I, I, that's what I am doing here. Okay. I am advocating for that and we need people. You might be looking at me like, bitch says the girl with a microphone in her, uh, in her, in the comfort of her home, eating barbecue ribs, um, on a Thursday. Now it's the afternoon. Um, uh, you know, what are you doing to contribute to society. And to that, I say this world needs entertainers. I don't give a fuck. Okay. These, these nail videos, these self-care videos, drink water videos. And, and I, I, when people say I get ready every day, I put on, even if it's just an athleisure set every day, I do that to

make myself feel good. You are wasting people's brain cells by sharing that information publicly. that is like brushing your fucking teeth Victoria that is so it's the water is wet thing people saying obvious things on the internet need to switch careers I believe what I did today was not nothing I don't believe that I said did I say any I don't think I said a single obvious water is wet statement today please leave a comment if I did that is my that is why I am allowed to do this, to make content and to have a microphone and share my thoughts online. Okay. Because it's not the norm. It's not the norm when I do here and I I'm cut out for it. I have the sauce for it. There are so many people making content,

wasting other people's lives, draining brain cells from other people's bodies by saying drink water, the fucking drink water one. Um, go to your settings on the new iOS and click this. Fuck you. Go help senior citizens in the computer lab at the senior center. Go read to third graders on, on Thursdays. Nobody thinks like that anymore. None of these influencers think like that anymore. It's all about optimization and biohacking and perfection and looking perfect and being perfect and having the best outfits and best takes and best opinions and best. Everything is so like, why? No, nothing is oriented towards like, how can I help society and contribute in a positive way? All of the things I bitch about,

the thing, the, the target situation especially would be completely fixed if people thought that way. Hey, I don't know. I don't know, Cameron, maybe just a, just a request, just a suggestion, excuse me, become the best damn target cashier targets ever seen. You know what I mean? That mindset how can i what is a cashier at target do and and what is the best how can they how can they be the best at it and if talking to the customer doesn't come up in your mind there are suicide plots you need to kill get off this planet like love you camera like people it's you are it's your existence is just it's sad if you don't think like that's the appropriate way to do my job and the best way

and it doesn't even take effort I mean I guess it does take effort to talk to people now apparently it does because I keep experiencing that at this fucking target it's weird it's very weird the energy is weird and I'm so it's it's just weird I don't like it everything feels gross and feels uncomfortable and I know I'm complaining a lot today I am pregnant I'm complaining a lot I don't know if this is good for the baby the baby's personality let's be honest between me and Corey I mean you gotta give it to us you gotta give it to us okay he's already his personality in the womb he's already he's already got Cameron beat and Cameron's 22 okay and he's fucking I'm not gonna say how far along I am he's he's a young pup in there right now he's not even breathing air yet

and his personality just because of hearing his mom bitch and complain on her podcast once a week is already fucking better than a 22 year old and I'm proud of that I don't give a fuck okay I'm not trying to be a doomsday every fucking time I get on this podcast I just I complain about society, but it's just a fact. It's just a fact. And I've been off social media. I don't really post a lot or go on a lot now. It's like a pregnancy thing. I don't know. You're just more like, I want to touch nature and connect to the earth and like, look at the birds. And I just want to like soak in the sun and read a book. Like you're just more like I said earlier, I'm like Zen. If you can't tell I'm super Zen, so calm, so chill. But when I see these videos of these

influencers that I've been seeing for so long now, the, the cliche videos and the podcast clips about life advice, dating advice, health advice, I just want to throw my phone. I it's so unnecessary. it's so a lot of the everything these people do these influencers is they they rob people from their own intuition they rob people from their own yeah intuition to the point where they're referencing a video and something you said in a video and they're not thinking like oh yeah when I wake up and I put makeup on just like a little tinted sunscreen and brow gel And I drink water and I put on a cute outfit. I feel good They're not thinking for that themselves

they're referencing as they're rolling out of bed watching your advice video on Liking to be put together and running a tight ship. Whatever you said in that video They're like so i'm gonna copy victoria today. I'm gonna feel good about myself It's like you should intuitively just do that and know that and tune into that and that's what this Internet has robbed so many young people of and it's it's corrupt. It's fucking wrong and be your own influencer i know it's so it's so corny but like influence yourself follow yourself listen to yourself don't take advice from the internet like that is so much cooler and so much

more special and interesting and and a better it's just such a it feels better to live that way you know develop opinions and like back like stand by them like who gives a fuck you they can change You're not, your opinions don't, it's not like, I'm just saying have takes, have opinions, think things, and don't be so easily swayed by, you see a video one day and you see another video the next day. And you're just like, I don't, you don't know what you even believe. No one's well researched. No one's well read. No one, no one dives deeper. No one asks questions. They just go in the wind and it's sick. It's sick. And, um, I've fuck, I've been so caught up in that. It's so easy to, like I said earlier, I was on the, I was getting the, the, Oh, I don't like

to be called mama propaganda. The first, the first week I got pregnant, it's like all the videos, the first videos you see when you get pregnant are when people call me mama and let's, you got this mama and say, mama, mama, mama. I'm, it makes me recoil. I cannot stand it. I want to puke. and then that becomes your you think that too because you're new to becoming a mom and you're like you're pregnant and you're like that's what all the moms are saying so like I guess that's what I think too that's fucking crazy and then you go through your own experience I had my own life experience early pregnancy like when people would say mama to me or whatever the nurses the doctors the ultrasound techs whatever and I was like I don't give a fuck it's actually great

yes I am a mama like and when you do that when you block people from I feel like with pregnancy and I need to end the episode obviously don't yuck people's yums don't squash their joy they're happy for you they have good intentions it doesn't need to be this like feisty like don't say that don't talk to me like that just a lot of like you can be mama bear and protective of your child and yourself and have boundaries I get it but like some of it is just so extra I'm like who hurt you you know what I mean you're not even like just everyone needs to relax that's the episode the Tyler Robinson trial is going on I have no clue what's happening um he's a patsy

uh a humpback whale swallowed a kayaker again student forced to land plane oh yeah this pilot jumped out of the plane and he told the co-pilot like like sorry you know what to do now and like open the door and kill himself she had to like land the plane by herself um what else is going on I have no idea what's going on with the world cup I don't know what's happening all right love you please hit that subscribe button wherever you're listening right now I'm on apple spotify google podcast stitcher breaker overcast wherever you listen to podcasts please hit that subscribe button and review the show five stars while you're there follow me on instagram and tiktok at

jacqueline rowe subscribe to my youtube channel this is a video and audio podcast subscribe to my YouTube channel. Hi YouTube, hit that subscribe button. And finally, if you want to support the show, patreon.com slash TJMS, patreon.com slash TJMS. It's $5 a month. Go check it out. Love you. Thanks for being here. And I'll talk to you next week. Bye.