The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 69+1

Episode Date: November 13, 2020

It's Thursday! I talk sex dreams, the cost of beauty and rant about the darkness outside. Have a great day!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS https://soundcloud.com/robmonmusic

Episode 70. That's right. I've been doing this podcast 70 days in a row. Happy Thursday. Let's do a podcast. what's up guys happy Thursday welcome back to the show it's Jacqueline hi if you're new I'm here seven days a week and you heard it right first line of the show today was yep 70 days in a row of the show the Jacqueline Monroe show who would have known you know back in September I would have just started this and then boom here we are 70 days later okay this is dry as fuck nobody this is like a in the arms of the angel this is like a sad somber story who gives a fuck okay you guys are here to listen to the show today it's gonna be fun um first of all please subscribe on the podcast app leave a review go to youtube to watch this i'm here

monday through friday on youtube and uh i don't know if you want to support the show support my podcast career help me buy a new uh i don't know a new coffee pot i just use your patreon money to buy a coffee pot no i'm kidding uh shit patreon.com slash tjms to support the show uh it's fun because you guys get a shout out the end of each episode you get my exclusive content content and people get phone calls it's awesome so there's my plugs love you guys let's have this uh let's have a let's have a fun time first of all uh I ran out of espresso beans this morning speaking of coffee pots I woke up at 11 a.m okay we're gonna get into that we're gonna get into that okay uh it's currently 3 30 in the afternoon uh I ran out of espresso beans and that started started off my

late morning on the wrong foot so I had to make a french press which I don't mind a french press but I'm drinking the Trader Joe's I think it's the morning morning blend and it's all right I like I'll show the camera right now I put like four cups not well probably that's probably two cups of grounds in my French press and because I was like I'll make it like an espresso level of intensity if I put a lot of grounds in it so I did that and then I iced it it's not doing the same thing for me as my nice barista express my braville you guys have all been on my coffee journey I got my dream got my dream machine I got my braville barista express should stock up on more beans because it sucks to not have have a good coffee day I don't know okay how are you

guys doing how's your week going I gotta I gotta tell you about my morning that's what this podcast is all about this is my audio diary this is my daily update the last couple weeks have been a fucking shit show okay I've been doing this at night and this week was going to be the week I got my shit together and I did it first thing in the morning because that's what I love to do that's when I'm on point right this is my this is my morning this morning okay uh 6 a.m wide awake naturally woke up at 6 a.m as I always do it was fine woke up played around on my phone for an hour uh I don't know I was just checking my tweets stocks fucking like my time hop app I usually check my time out time hop app first thing in the morning to see if I need to to go back to

Twitter or go back to any of my social media posts over the last decade to see if I need to delete anything that would get me canceled so I get nervous in the morning I for probably terrible for my uh my heart or my fucking what would my heart rate first thing in the morning to freak out like okay what did I tweet eight years ago is that gonna get me canceled in the future I literally do that every day because I'm paranoid and that's dumb because you guys know I'm a preacher on the show about this I'm not for everybody I'm gonna say shit that's gonna offend people and that's because I want a career okay if you have if you are open and down to have haters you can have a career okay uh so anyways I did that for about an hour and then I slept from like

7 to 11 and I'm okay so I woke up at 11 not naturally it wasn't because I was ready to wake up it's because my therapist called me okay I've just been in this washing machine of a morning and during that 7 to 11 7 a.m to 11 a.m hours of sleep I was convinced so I had another sex dream okay I had another sex dream I had the most vivid dream about someone who I've talked about on the podcast before you guys I never disclose names I've mentioned something related to him I don't think I've talked about like stories or anything but it pisses me off Does anyone get mad after they wake up from those kinds of dreams? First of all, I woke up to my therapist calling me.

So I wasn't ready to end the sex dream and I was pissed. I got really sad. I was like, this sucks. Okay, this is the person. If I had to, you know, I'm in my mid-20s. I feel like it's time. Jacqueline, find someone, date them for a few years, get married, have kids, do the whole fucking thing. I want two dogs.

Well, no, I want like three. I want three golden retrievers. I want a house. I want kids. I feel like I need to get my shit together and start thinking about people like okay who could I like this is someone I've met before and I'm like well do I I don't know what to do I'm like I'm locking myself up every day I didn't leave the house for the last uh two days still haven't left day three have not set foot outside ask me about my vitamin d levels okay ask me about my

vitamin D levels. In the age of COVID, I am staying inside. It's not because I selfishly want to win the title of the quarterback of quarantine at the end of the year when they give away the 2020 awards. I'm trying to hold that position down and that pretty much requires that I stay inside majority of the time. So three days in a row, woke up at 11 to 3.30, still haven't gone outside I haven't even checked my mail I know that thing's gonna be fucking stuffed with Albertson's corned beefs on sale ads like I hate that why do we still make those coupon ad book like they're not even they're not even coupons they're just like here's what's on sale at the grocery store no one I mean maybe there's people that check that out but can't really it's 2020

okay I was doing that I was people were actively using those in 1987 okay anyways um so back to my story about the man i had a dream about i'm like what does this mean i'm sad because i was like it basically what it was is like replaying a scenario from the past and i was like god damn it so anyways i'll get i'll move on from that because i think that's sad or it's like uh kind of i mean this is the part of me i don't like about myself that i'm uh or i'm like shy to talk about how i'm like this at heart the hopeless romantic i just want to fall in love and like hold someone's hand and like fucking like date the football player whatever the fuck like not the actual football player that's not who it was about this man I don't think he ever played

football actually so don't get it twisted if you're trying to read between the lines and figure out what this is uh but that's that's where I'm at and so you know I'm I've got all my ducks in a row by you know 2020 sucked in the beginning but you know now it's taking a turn for the best I feel like I'm becoming the best version of myself I'm working on myself every day talking on my audio diary sharing the good news of the world about my life and i'm ready okay i'm ready to take that step i'm ready for love as they say on the bachelor i think i'm ready for it and this dream this morning made me realize that yep if it was that person that person came knocking on my door i wouldn't say no so that was a nice little treat this morning i love a good sex dream

it's great it's kind of like i don't know especially when it feels real and you still can remember hours later you're like wow okay like was that am I sore I'm like am I like is my hair messed up from that I don't know and I woke up and my head was like okay so first of all the other chaotic part of my morning was my head was at the foot of my bed okay in the 7 to 11 a.m 7 a.m to 11 a.m section my four-hour sex dream session I was probably dreaming about other stuff too but basically through that four hours they say when you're dreaming though it's like seven seconds long it's not actually as long as it feels but at some point during those four hours I switched and that's why I think like the sex dream I was like probably moving a lot I literally woke up

with my head my therapist so I had at least what pissed me off my therapist called me woke me up at 11 a.m and I had my head at the foot of the bed my phone was up on my nightstand thing I was like god damn it so I like run over to the phone and I knew it was her and I knew if I didn't answer it I wouldn't get it she's not the best at like she would have not even left a message it would be like okay we got to reschedule so I was like god damn it anyways and I forgot about that call too 3 30 p.m doing the podcast uh let's talk about my day last night so enough about this morning um let me drink some I'm like I have water and coffee what do I want I'm gonna do coffee I'm like I need any more how many milligrams of caffeine is two cups of uh ground coffee

from Trader Joe's someone please google that for me thank you uh because I feel like it's working right now I'm having fun episode 70 by the way if you're new and you're like what's the show what is she doing I'm going home soon and I'll have uh family and friends to interview so it'll be more juicy I could even interview people from my past in high school that was a suggestion on my Instagram live a couple of days ago. They're like, you should go back to your hometown this, uh, Christmas time and do interviews with your high school buds when everyone's home. I thought that's a grand idea. Um, anyways, let's talk about final thought about this morning though. And then I'll talk about my night last night and everything I did, uh, inside indoors because I

obviously haven't been outside yet. Uh, pale as shit. I think it looks cute. I like being pale. uh I don't care okay so the final thought about life lately is I feel like for the first time I'm really rolling with the punches previous Jacqueline a year ago Jacqueline would have slept until 11 accidentally but intentionally because I that was some sort of like universe telling me yeah like okay this may be the person you're meant for who the fuck knows I had sex with of my dream in the morning and it was great um I just this is not call her daddy call her daddy I don't know why I talk about sex but this is not my lane I just that was my morning it was crazy it was just weird how I woke up at six bucked around my phone for an hour slept for four hours

and just like yeah okay I'm glowing uh but previous Jacqueline a year ago would have had that experience and then beat myself up like Jacqueline you're so unproductive you need to go to the gym and you get your shit together. You should wake up and at five 30 workout, like get your routine all down and dah, dah, dah. And this time this year, I'm like, literally my mindset is this. I don't, I'm just, I'm just rolling with the punches. I'm rolling with the punches. It feels so good to not be hard on myself and not, not something I don't care about productivity and trying to, you know, win the day as they say, who says when the day is that, uh, aubrey marcus win the day right win the day own your life win the day human human optimization

on it all those bros love their shit learned a lot from that but sometimes i don't apply it to my life and i feel fine okay uh it's just crazy though okay this is like a boring again sob story about me just like being a chilled out person now about waking up like some people wake up at 11 a.m every day because they stay up and they're you know up till 3 a.m or whatever so i shouldn't be that mad at myself but I noticed this morning I didn't care at all I was like oh okay I'll just start my day in the middle of the day and another thing about this time of year that I'm really rolling with the punches right in the waves about is the fact that the sun sets earlier it's cold as shit okay it's cold as shit 50 degrees is cold as shit to Jacqueline I live

in California sue me okay body is acclimated used to live in the Pacific Northwest this would have been shorts and tank top season 50 degrees up in washington but hey i'm acclimated i'm cold as shit i'm cold it's dark out earlier uh i still i'm on my own i'm all alone okay and i'm embracing that as fuck i'm like look if i if the most i do like last night the most i did was okay that was a motorcycle if anyone heard that i'm sorry that was a really low i'm like the most i did last night was lay horizontal my laptop and work and I got up at the end of the night and did yoga and I watched uh flagrant the podcast flagrant with um why can't I think of his name anyways I won't think of the name and and the rogan podcast latest one and I did that I did yoga and I watched those

and it was great that's the most I really accomplished yesterday in the podcast and I don't know I'm not I'm just like I I chunk I'm chunking Duncan I'm chunking Duncan I'm chunking out this season this winter season here in california before i leave to washington for thanksgiving through christmas i'm kind of embracing that this is a slow this is winter time it's slow it's cold it's darker it's i don't need to go like a bat out of hell at 5 30 a.m and jump on a treadmill and fucking like win the day okay that stresses me out i like dude my favorite thing, I slept, okay, I had that sex dream, but I felt so rejuvenated when I woke up, I felt like a little, um, spiritual, I don't know, zen yogi, or something, like, a little monk, I woke up, and I'm

like, obviously, it wasn't peaceful, foot, head was at the foot of the bed with my therapist ringing, you know, on the, ringing my phone up, and I don't like this podcast, I don't like episode 70 right now whatever uh but I got it I just the disposition I had about my morning was so calm I was like I'm just gonna put on some makeup oh yeah I posted a selfie um put on my Patagonia coat looks like I went outside guys that's that's a that's a trick of the trade okay just change your outfit I'm wearing my cotton candy OG podcast uniform right now this is the original costume I started I think the first 20 episodes on YouTube I wore the same thing but I changed to take the selfie I put on my nerd glasses I put on some earrings and I put on my Patagonia coat like

hey guys it's winter time I'm taking a selfie it's yeah um so I fooled all you fools don't be fooled by those Instagram pics don't be fooled anyways so I did that and I recorded this I feel good about myself so let's talk about last night kind of go back to what I did obviously I said I worked I just laid like literally I work from home so I'm just like on my couch like just like doing my laptop work just chilling out it was great I was listening to country music trying to reset my American values um and then I got reminded I've mentioned that before if you're like what's that mean I mentioned how I like to listen to country in the morning I usually power walk to country on the treadmill if I work out in the morning or something I'm like I like to

start my day by listening to country because it reminds me of my strong American um basic values of like you know just wholesome shit okay and I was reminded though later that night around 12 30 a.m yeah I kind of stayed up a little too late last night I was watching Joe Rogan's latest episode and he had mentioned how he's a fan of country but he doesn't like how some of the um the messages are so boiled down about like the American lifestyle of just going to the lake and going in my truck and you know and it's all simple and unrealistic for the times now or whatever the fuck and I was like well that's kind of true but I I fuck with it it reminds me of my great my great American values and growing up out in the country so fuck it so I was listening

country I was on my laptop doing work and then I finished I made some dinner just boring ass fucking broccoli and what else did I have broccoli and I don't know like did I have broccoli and ground beef or some like gross combo I don't know like just like I would be embarrassed as fuck if I had to take a photo of my food last night whenever I make dinner I throw everything in a bowl I'm like it just works better in a bowl and I I mean I had like salsa in there it was kind of like a taco bowl oh my gosh that's like guys i basically had chipotle last night it was so cute i'm not embarrassed by that can you get ground beef ground beef at chipotle i don't know did that sat back watched flagrant 2 i think is the name of the podcast why can't i say his name

he was popping off the beginning beginning of the pandemic um flagrant to the podcast why can't it is it andrew something fuck tagged andrew schultz why the hell did it take me so long to find out who what his name was andrew schultz podcast there's a few other guys on it mark uh gagman gaggan marky gaggan i can't say his last name akash akash akash i think it's akash and alex anyways four guys of course just one of the boys hanging out watching their podcast last night um played that well i did some yoga played rogan after that but they at the end of the podcast they talked about something i wrote about a year ago that i thought i'd mention

on today's episode about uh like being a woman the beauty standard all that stuff because they really hashed it out and i was like whoa they're really speaking my language about it because i've thought about it before i did a bunch of writing at the end of last year uh just like stream of consciousness basically what I'm doing with the podcast but I wrote like I typed it and uh yeah so I'm gonna go into that um and I don't know it's Thursday what else could I fucking talk about I haven't watched the news I don't know what's going on the world uh the sun is setting as I'm speaking the lighting is kind of sexy on YouTube though go over to YouTube to watch I feel like it's gonna give I'm gonna have that um golden hour glow at some point on the show today there's

nothing hot than that golden hour glow and you know who does it the best bella hadid's golden hour glow selfies just win they just win all self like she does the best golden hour selfies of anyone else and that can only be i feel like california does like can you only achieve that in california i feel like uh i guess it doesn't matter as long as you have the sun setting there's something different about the way the sun hits your face though in california california girls no we'll do country blue tacoma california white magnolia okay let's get into the beauty standard shit because i i just want to talk about i don't think i've talked about it ever on the show so let's do it okay quickly before i get into this

frenchie bulldog neighbor hot frenchie bulldog neighbor that came up close to my door one time in my car. He couldn't tell that I was in there and he walked past me and I saw how handsome he was. He's currently outside neck down on his phone. He's got terrible tech neck and potentially a lower back problem just from the way he's standing. I'm calling it now. He's going to sleep like shit. So first people watching section of the day, you're welcome. It's 3 30 PM. Now I know it's currently time has passed. It's approaching 4 PM, but, uh, there's not a lot of action in my neighborhood this is at this hour of the day okay I think this is nap time for my neighborhood there's a lot of millennials in this uh location I feel like a lot of people are nap

timing uh especially during the winter because the sun's about to set you know it's like this afternoon slump I remember those five-hour energy commercials when they when the five-hour energy came out and it was like talking about the 2 p.m slump and as a middle school child I do have another person outside i could talk about right now segue it's kind of like too far away actually okay i was around i feel like sixth grade five hour energy commercials came out and i was always confused by what does the 2 p.m slump mean i don't get it that's when school gets out and then i go play on the playground or i go to basketball practice or whatever i didn't understand it now as an adult I'm like oh I get it I'm tired as shit all the fucking time I woke up rejuvenated

right but there was a moment before the show today where I was like I could take a nap I could take a pre-podcast nap and uh yeah so this is uh why did I say that oh because my neighborhood's taking naps right now no one's drinking five-hour energy they probably should okay so let's get into this I'm a little bit insecure about reading my writing because I don't know it feels kind of of super vulnerable super like I'm sharing really what's in my head and what I really think about shit instead of trying to act like I'm chill about everything I'm going to actually tell you what I think right now so the guys on the flagrant 2 podcast Alex Schultz and his his guys we're mentioning how for men currency is currency for men so having being financially stable being

well off financially is your currency in society you're going to be looked at perceived well and received by uh females women ladies girls well if you're if you are financially okay and doing well and on the flip side for women uh beauty is currency and i know that's been that's a cliche everyone knows what that is beauty the you know more beautiful you are probably the more you can go the farther you can go in in society and the more you're i guess not necessarily respected but kind of like admired and people like you more i don't know so they were talking about surgeries and the the impact the kardashians have had on what people are doing with their bodies now with like different surgeries and

fillers and all this stuff and um I really liked what they said because they were Andrew made a joke about how it doesn't matter what we look like like fellow women listening out there it doesn't really matter what we look like we're the ones with the pussies we're the ones with the vaginas they're gonna have they're gonna want to have sex with us no matter what we look like so we could totally like I'm not saying give up but if we didn't we're basically making it hard for ourselves is what Andrew had said like women are it's like you're just striving for this beauty standard that has been because of obviously like Instagram and all this shit like okay first of all I don't like talking about this because I feel like this is hashed out

so much with pod on other podcasts and I don't I don't have a bone to pick with people that are trying to like get surgeries and stuff like I don't care I'm totally pro do what you want like I want to get my tits done that's a thing okay that may or may not happen grabbing my tits go to YouTube to watch um I mean they're fine but hey someday that's probably gonna happen um it's just fun fact but I'm totally for it if you're I don't care what you decide to do I'm just saying that what they're talking about is how um if they had daughters like what they would feel like they did something wrong as a parent or they didn't teach their daughter how to love themselves if she's out getting all this surgery and stuff it was kind of complicated I again I'm

just like saying little blurbs from it, but I'm going to read what I wrote. I'm avoiding reading it. Uh, but like it goes a little something like this. I wrote this in 2019. So I wrote beauty standards in 2019 or 2020 are correlated to income level. The more money you have, the more beautiful you are, the more facials, fillers, surgeries, cryotherapy, hair, hair nails etc you can afford rich equals rich and beautiful like i wrote those two are correlated and that's a thing because in order to like have that snatched fucking face at all times where like i don't know how to explain it everyone knows what it looks like okay instagram's been around for a decade everyone fucking knows it's like juicy lips snatched eyebrows everything's

like tighten back like a cat like just go look at Kylie Jenner's Instagram if you look like that it's like that's kind of the that's what women strive for right in real life and so there if you have money I wrote it's beauty standards are correlated to income level so if you're poor if you're you know fucking what's like a poor situation I mean the like the seriously like if you're literally living under a bridge you can't afford to get your lips done you can't afford to get your fucking hair extensions and your nails and your eyelashes and all this stuff so it's interesting how like rich women rise to the top they're like so it's weird how they're socially they're able to climb that social ladder with getting stuff done and it has to do the guys

on this episode of flagrant we're talking about how are they doing it for themselves are they doing it because of the male gaze and the male gaze wants that if that makes sense and um anyways it's complicated you guys this is all over the fuck I don't know how to talk about these things that's why I'm like this isn't I don't there's been so many podcasts by uh other women that talk about it and they know what they're doing I'm sniffing lavender because I'm trying to chill out too much caffeine okay so I wrote more this part I don't really want to read but I'm going to read it right now um okay thought first before I read this stay with me I was thinking about it and I feel like the thing to do and I and I mentioned how women are it's

like we're striving we're trying to stay young and try to keep our appearance up and beauty is our currency in society okay I understand it I live it okay and I'll read more about that in a sec but I realized that when you break up with someone it's the thing to do is to just get hotter and it's like all about like oh look at me now like I'm hot as shit it's like breakup odd like I'm hot okay and that's how you I guess find your worth or you find like that you like feel good about yourself again is like well I'll just look hotter and I'll be too good for you and look at me okay and I was thinking about that and it's like what if women prioritize and I feel like this is what I'm currently doing with an ex well not like actively doing this I didn't consciously

make this decision but I'm like what if women prioritized flexing their fucking personalities and and showing off the part that their boyfriends like the most about them which is when they're you know hair uh what what's the drakes on no makeup hair tied chilling with no makeup on that's when you're the prettiest I hope I hope that you don't take it wrong what if women just for like they just prioritize that after a breakup they're like I'm gonna I'm gonna flex on all these hoes and be like I am the most me version that you are in love with I want to make you miss this chill ass like in my case I'm like well I'm showing up on the internet now like we're dating we're bffs I'm not trying to always show my prettiest face my best angles I'm like

here's me looking like shit no makeup and here's me looking cute it's I give it all and also I'm putting my skin in the game I'm sharing my personality uh trying to make my exes miss me with this I'm kidding that's not what I'm doing but I thought about that I'm like well that makes me love myself more when I realize that I'm not breaking up with someone and trying to look hotter because that's a that sucks to try to like to put yourself through that hell I feel like it feels like 10 times better to not give a fuck anymore and to show up and be yourself and be like hey do you miss me with my no makeup and my hair in a bun like do you miss my personality and like instead of going that route with your Instagram pics and all that shit just throw your personality

out and just be like hey I think that's a bolder move and I feel like that is a that would probably make them I don't know if you want them back like okay this is like I don't understand what I'm even saying I did I write about this on my phone note before I did this podcast probably not stay with me yeah I kind of okay I wrote basically go hard at showing off the part of your personality that your ex liked the most and that's your person your looks are not your personality there's hot bitches every they'll go and find the next hot chick it's not about that why don't you fucking and just put yourself as they knew you on the internet instead of going to get more shit done to your face and your body and like trying to be the even hotter for it's like they're not gonna

miss that that's gonna make you look crazy that's obvious that's an obvious breakup move just getting hotter I don't know anyways so I'm gonna read what I wrote okay this is kind of deep but I feel like it's real it's real life this year this is last year has made me realize that beauty is literally ruining or excuse me not ruining running my life the majority of my rituals and routines revolve around how I look externally I believe this is why women don't prioritize displaying their personality on here which I meant on the internet because this is where we all live now okay you're listening you're watching this is our lifestyle I understand it's uncomfortable, but why not both? I'm playing the long game where, yes, I'll show off my good looks

to the internet, but not a day goes by where I'm not putting my skin in the game, sharing my thoughts and opinions, and giving people a taste of what it's really like to actually hang out with me. That's what I find attractive in the people I follow. There's nothing to hide. They just show up on social media exactly as who they are. I said watching comedians' Instagram stories has helped me realize this maybe the revolution i'm trying to start with women is valuing expressing themselves online i want to help people break the ice with themselves i used to be so i wrote so many o's so self-conscious of talking to the camera shy about sharing my solid opinions but now it has become my therapy

I don't want to be a one-trick pony who only shows off her body and looks I'm so observant it's insane to me how other people can't see how bland and elusive they come across is that the right use of elusive I don't know maybe it's not important to them maybe they just want to be something to look at I hate this word but there's definitely a spectrum of personality types on Instagram maybe that's just the way it is but if we're really going to be on our phones following other people's lives from here on out i want to help people feel more comfortable about sharing without inhibitions nobody gives a fuck about you except you is the greatest line ever it's so true we're all stuck in our own heads when nobody cares or notices what we hate about

ourselves living in your head is a sad prison that i'm well aware of time plus negative self-talk plus sabotaging plus breaking self-promises equals dissatisfaction i have a lot of undoing to do this year and it's all about growth but i feel like i'm in this zen focused place okay it goes on i again this is like a stream of consciousness let me kind of unpack some of those things i wrote here's where i had this epiphany actually this morning while i was making my french press i realized that okay two things i think it's annoying when people are commenting especially a woman commenting about what other women choose to do and how they how they choose to portray themselves maybe

striving to look hot as fuck at all times is your uh that's your self-care routine and that's what you like that makes you feel good and i get it because i do it too okay i posted a selfie it makes you feel good when you're like I like the way I look and I'm gonna post a picture I'm in support of that I get it um but the second epiphany I had is that I think as a woman when I see in the past when I would see people that were like levels above me like women who were like pushing 30 hot as fuck on Instagram like you know driving a Rolls Royce living in they're in like traveling the world all the heels all the shit I was like that's the ultimate when I was younger I was like oh that's the ultimate that's what that's like the

pinnacle of like making it as a woman and like being like you know fully successful and you have it all and you look amazing and you just like have all this expensive shit and um now I'm realizing that i feel like i'm surpassed that like the people that are doing those things and living those lifestyles that are stuck in that external vanity shit haven't crossed that hurdle with themselves about not giving a fuck about material things aesthetics and i think this is freedom what I'm doing what I've realized what I've come to terms with myself about how I just want to show up with my like we're bffs you're hanging out at my slumber party it's so much more it's freedom I feel like it's I'm not trying hard I'm not trying to I'm not

trying to my ego isn't doing the talking I'm not prioritizing like flexing on everyone else and look in a certain way that doesn't do anything for me and I think that's a cool realization I have so I guess I wrote here that maybe I wrote the revolution I'm trying to start with women is value valuing expressing their personalities online or and I don't know why I'm so hung up on that why the fuck do I care if someone's shy to the camera and doesn't share their personality I guess and like why do I lead with it now why is this what I'm valuing and prioritizing with my content I don't know I just think it's it's kind of we're all on the same page that it's oh instagram isn't real life so i'm like what's the solution to that what's the

solution to when people are like instagram isn't real life and to me it's like take off the filters be yourself stop trying hard nobody gives a fuck about your outfit and your snatched snatched face like the guys on the episode of flagrant aren't even saying that they're like it's not what girls think it is guys don't even notice they don't care it's kind of sad how we do it to ourselves we make our our women make their lives a living hell by constantly up trying to upgrade and look hotter and be better and i get it it's a doggy dog world it's competitive as fuck we have our insecurities about our body because of society all that shit but i don't know i just want to i feel like i've crossed that hurdle i don't care anymore it's not that i'm gonna let myself go i

even wrote it here I'm like look I said uh why not both I said I'm playing the long game where yes I'm going to show off my good looks to the internet I don't know why I said good looks like I think so highly of myself there because that was at a time where I thought I looked like shit but not a day goes by where I'm putting my skin in the game sharing my thoughts and opinions and giving people the taste of what it's actually like to hang out with me I don't know is this annoying i want that's that's a tangent there's a tangent for you a little cliff note here men for men currency is currency for women beauty is currency beauty standards are correlated income level the more money you have the more beautiful you are

you know all the all the treatments and shit you can get done you can afford it you're probably gonna look hotter than the next chick who can't so that's it and guys don't really give a fuck about that in fact i'm noticing now there's a trend guys are saying like they can't they don't they prefer like they don't like the bratz doll face because it's like they know they know all about the fillers and the surgeries and then that shit people are doing and i don't know just age gracefully i'm so down to age gracefully gracefully when i'm 35 i want to look 35 it's not um and look oh my god deep thought here about like putting yourself out there on the internet whatnot

when you share your whole raw this is who i am self and you're not trying hard in my experience i'm happier than ever whenever I've strived to like look amazing and look as good as possible and like flex on hoes and post hot pics I'm not as happy as I am just like doing this shit like hey I am a podcaster I'm just sure like I'm just hanging out whatever you know if you've noticed I don't like I don't know okay so maybe that's something to take away from this like try it it feels I feel so much happier this way and this being this version of myself uh and sharing this version of myself

excuse me I'm trying to make this relatable to people that are online online bloggers online people it feels like a second birth okay I've said that so many times I just feel like I came out of the closet okay I'm sorry that's came out this year as myself that no one has ever seen before and I've never felt happy happier there's your there's your little synopsis or your little conclusion of my thought process damn I still want my tits done though I can't lie I still want to get some shit done I don't give a fuck I'll admit it I'm into it I already told you when I go home on my little December vacay bro bro no I'm not gonna bro you guys I'm not gonna friend zone you guys like that guys I'm getting like everything done I'm getting like my acrylics

back I'm getting my tan back I'm getting my hair completely bleached out I'm gonna go full fucking Barbie for my December vacation because I love to I love feeling good about myself and how I look so um as long as I'm leading with this and prioritizing this version of myself I feel like I'm not gonna get sucked in to that other lifestyle in the past that wouldn't make that wasn't making me happy because like I've said before as a girlfriend okay I think I told you guys this yesterday yesterday I've been in a situation where keeping myself put myself together as this little Barbie doll every day was literally literally a full-time job at one point in my life like I was a girlfriend that's pretty much what my role was and it was all about like everything

like perfect 24 7 and that's exhausting okay I felt like it was I just think it's there's more to life and I think it's cute when you I don't okay annoyed rant over let's let's wrap this up happy thursday episode 70 talking about beauty standards and shit when the lights go down in the city and the sun shines on the bay okay this is your little transition music while i check my notes here oh interesting takeaway from the flagrant podcast yesterday was about how trump has to be a winner at all times for him to be successful after politics and that really made me think about how he's handling the election results how he's always going to do that he's always going to be like i'm

the winner and that's what people like that's why people people love to follow winners that don't accept defeat and shit and like that's his brand and so that's why I was like oh that kind of makes sense for um the situation how he's handling it right now with the voting and everything go listen by the way that was it Alex Schultz is that his name Alex or Alec god damn it Schultz I know his name why can't I just felt like is Alex or Alec Andrew fuck me it's Andrew Schultz god damn it i listen to his show all the time but he did a great analysis about the election what everything that's going on and so i recommend going to listen to that go and listen to that podcast because i really appreciate his take on it and how he sees things because it's easy to get

tunnel vision when you're picking a team and he's very like well spoken about it unlike myself so Jacqueline don't be negative be nice to yourself um oh Jesus Christ here I'll show the camera here's a beautiful uh image of Kylie Jenner on my fucking Instagram she looks amazing she posted the hottest selfie yesterday it was like two it was like a I think in the it looked like she was in a hotel it's like all purple showing the camera see I love it though I hype it up I'm like I follow it I love it I have nothing against it I just feel like I'm I just want I'm like I need more moving forward with social media from I'm calling out women because I feel like we're the ones that are doing it we're just like

something to look at I just want more I want to know what it's like to be your bestie show me that version of yourself more you can do the hot stuff too like that's what I said I'm like I'm doing the hot stuff if it's even hot that's subjective I don't know I just like okay I'll post the pics that are nice to look at but I'm also gonna be like hey guys welcome to my um welcome to my show I think that's all I have today I woke up at 11 a.m I had a sex dream should I go on the person's Instagram that I had a sex dream with and then you guys you crazy ass stalkers can go to the reflection of my eyeballs on YouTube and try to see who it is. Do I have a mirror behind me? Oh, fuck. I'm literally on it right now.

That's sad. Why do I, why am I like this? Why am I a little hopeless romantic? Why do I care? Um, anyways, should I check the news? Should I just like see what's happening? This is like what back in the OG days, first 20 episodes, I would talk for so long. I would squeeze every last drop out until I couldn't stop talking. But okay. Let me, you know what I'm going to do? I'm going to be honest as fuck with you guys right now about my current living situation. Okay. Let's go there. Let's do this. Okay. Cross my hands. I'm not wearing a bra. I never wear a bra on the show. And I feel like everyone can like, I don't know. I'm the, I'm not itty bitty titty committee right now actually I'm like medium titty committee I'm like medium

titty committee in November right now and then they go to I go to medium large titty committee when it's that time of the month because I don't know why why do our boobs get huge when we have our periods I don't get it so let me just be honest and open and real about my current living situation okay so Amazon packages are currently by the door I need to I have some returns I have some recycling haven't touched it haven't gone outside in three days still looking at it frustrated next to that I'm looking at my treasure chest I have a pirate chest it looks like a restoration hardware piece they got that I got for free out of the back of a guy's Range Rover long story I think I've told that before it's amazing it's my favorite furniture piece I love

old shit in fact I kind of still want to go antiquing today and it's kind of getting dark out but I love looking at antiques and old shit so on top of that my lilies my lily flowers I struggle with the l consonant I don't know why my lily fuck my lily flowers fuck me my lily it's because I have a tongue thrust when I was a kid I had a gap in my teeth I had braces for like 10 fucking years my lily flowers are dead and there's no water have not thrown them away next to that I've got a pair of my fuzzy socks that I kicked off the couch because my feet were up the end of my couch I kicked them off and they're still sitting there from last night okay then I have my couch my my cushions on my couch are not fluffed okay it's like sinking into a

hole every time I sit down and it's been like that for three days and I still haven't fluffed them okay there's also a salsa stain on there because I had chips and salsa like a week ago and uh go further speaking of stains in the hallway I've got my laundry basket full of laundry that I've been looking at for three days still haven't gone to the laundromat okay uh shower tiles guess what guess if those are clean I'm not going to answer that just guess okay watered my plant watered my pothos plant i'm looking at right now i hang it in my kitchen you can't see it on the set but it's here okay watered that plant in my bathroom sink three days ago and there's dirt in the sink still okay so um strangely though i got a second wind at some point yesterday and i wiped

all the surfaces in my bathroom except my shower tiles so there i just gave you the answer shower tiles are not clean toilet clean sink cleaned all that except I will literally wipe the countertops and I didn't clean the dirt out of the sink so do I need to get my head checked probably uh it's because I was using like it's a long story of why I didn't there's like it's not like there's tons of dirt in the sink it's just like noticeably there and it's toothpaste and shit okay I look like a fucking 18 year old boy that just went off to college and his mom doesn't clean his bathroom anymore and that's disgusting but I'm a proud proud uh three days a week seems like toilet cleaner I like literally clean my toilet for fun do you guys like I like cleaning

my toilet I just you know what it is I like when the water is all I have like special things for the bowl and I like like when it's all blue and I love the smell of pine salt so I constantly clean my bath my toilet because I like that smell to always be like cleaning supply smell so anyways then you go in my bedroom I got a pretty little thing pretty there's the L again pretty little little thing delivery uh that's a UK brand it's like a Fashion Nova type of brand bought a shit ton of uh Christmassy sweats and things to wear around the house when I go home because I haven't upgraded my sweatpants and stuff until like a week ago but pile of shit from pretty little thing half of it's getting returned okay I didn't realize that there's a different there's

different tiers of fit so there's like petite normal shape plus I got some plus size sweatpants I didn't mean I didn't intend to purchase the waistband doesn't cinch and I'm just like great So now I've got to return that along with my Amazon returns. Okay, we're in my bedroom right now. Proud to announce that my bed is made. Okay, my bed is made. Never skip that. I'm going to drink some coffee.

I just need to, like, continue the story. I'm literally walking you around my house right now. Okay, what's going on in the bedroom? Pile of clothes. Bed's made. Windows cracked open. Whenever I sleep, it feels like I'm in the great outdoors because it's really cold in there. And I shut my door all day.

So the cold air just fills it and I love it. I love it. Okay. Hallway. Y'all know that the fucking laundry basket's still sitting there. Um, probably could sweep my floors in my bedroom when I think about it. Yeah, probably could sweep my floors. It's a hardwood. My, I got hardwood throughout and marble quick flex. Okay. Um, I don't know. That's not even a flex. It's just like what my landlord decided to put in right before I moved in. So got a sweep kitchen. what's going on in the kitchen I got some jalapenos in my fridge that are on their way out I need to roast them I need to do something with them whenever I make my breakfast hashes I usually chop up jalapenos and put them in there but I bought two bags on accident and so there's

there's a bunch that are they're kind of smushy now um so what else is in my kitchen I don't know I just feel like you guys this is the thing I feel like I'm a I have my shit together person with every area in my life and for the first time okay how am I gonna explain this I have my shit together with my job I have my shit together with my podcast I have my shit together with like my yoga right now haven't skipped a day like feeling myself I feel like I've got my flexibility back. It's weird how like things around the house start to go by the wayside when I'm all zoned in to my jobs and stuff. Like I just can't do it all. And I think that's frustrating me right now because normally beginning of the pandemic, while I was depressed, unemployed, all that shit,

my house was spectacularly clean because I thought about it. I'm like, if my environment looks like it does now and it's kind of chaotic and messy, that's going to exasperate my depression. so it was always clean always organized I really had nothing else to do during the day other than clean so I feel like that's why but now I have zero like care in the fucking world to see I've got recycling to go away and like Amazon returns and my socks from last night and I got a dead plant or a dead bouquet of flowers and a salsa stain from a week ago like I used to live with someone who was kind of he kind of lived chaotically like this and I feel like I'm I understand it that create when you have that creative juice flowing at all times you don't

give a fuck about something going by the wayside in your apartment anyways I don't want to make myself sound gross but that's just my truth today I'm learning I'm learning how I can be happy and exist in a little bit of chaos in my environment and I don't need to be a minimalist I don't need to be OCD clean to be happy where before I would literally not be happy if I had any mess in my house and that's not I feel like that's not healthy so hey epiphany of the day overcame that shit by the end of 2020 I love clutter if you go to my youtube channel you guys I got so much random shit around me here's Frankie the horse uh Frankie the horse little pink unicorn then I got patty the bear this is my favorite little bear patty um still my little pumpkin background has

pushing the cat we have a lot of like tchotchkes and random shit i'm embracing the clutter i think that's a great tip if you struggle with ocd cleaning and if it drives you nuts to have clutter try it surround yourself with shit and clutter yourself up and box yourself in i'm not saying to be a hoarder. I'm just saying it's okay. If there's some mismatch going on, it feels kind of nice to not, uh, hyper-focus on it. So sun is setting. The lighting is at the sexiest point on the YouTube video. I think it could possibly be at, which is like golden hour vibes. Should I take a selfie live on the podcast? Let's see. Let's see how the lighting looks. Um, okay. So looks like shit oh shit okay wait

there that's the official selfie I'll post it and then you have to listen the episode to know why I posted it that's fun interactive um sun is setting I'm feeling like I squeezed everything out 70 days in a row holy fucking shit thanks for being here thanks for your support uh i know i got ranty today about beauty standards being a woman all that shit but hey maybe there's something you learned i don't know was it helpful i tried my best there's so many more well-spoken like boss babes out there that probably talk about it better than i do like go over to uh just like go to dear media on instagram if they're uh just they host so many podcasts

it's like a female podcast network there's probably so many episodes hashing out something similar to what i said that would probably um i don't know make more sense but jacqueline stopping me to yourself maybe i explained it fine and i'm judging myself for no reason back to what i was saying the sun is setting i want to go antiquing i got clearly some recycling to do and some laundry you guys i need to go outside i need to go outside i need fresh air this is disgusting ask me ask me about my vitamin d levels okay how i do supplement i do supplement we discovered the the supplements i take from amazon yesterday i discovered uh live on the podcast that there's 43 000 amazon reviews on the vitamin d i take so i feel confident that uh i'm getting the dose

i need and i'll be okay because according to uh dr ronda patrick and joe rogan and all those episodes earlier in the pandemic about coronavirus vitamin d is your savior okay so get out in the sun we're meant to be outside i know i know i know all that human optimization shit i don't practice it sometimes because look while i want to do it while i want to be the healthiest brightest most sun drenched version of myself during the middle of a pandemic so i have i have the self defense mechanism built inside my body to fight it i also want to be the quarterback of quarantine and that requires me to stay inside more multiple days in a row someone may be okay I'm going to set up a p.o box I want a plaque delivered okay I'm calling the shots okay I claim that uh title I'm

claiming that title I'm giving I'm gifting it to myself but I want someone to make me it I want to I want a high school uh what are they called letterman's jacket slash trophy company to send me a quarterback of quarantine plaque because I just sat inside for three days in a row and that's this is not my first rodeo if you guys know anything about May go listen to past episodes how many days in a row was I inside during May and what was going on in my life in May that's a little scavenger hunt for you take your ears on a scavenger hunt tune into previous episodes don't forget to subscribe to the podcast leave a review if you like today's episode go over to youtube to watch it i'm here monday through friday and uh subscribe to my youtube

all i want all i want is like 100 million subscribers i'm trying to be a youtuber it's a joke you guys think it's all about being a podcast i was fuck that i'm trying to become a youtuber what if that was what i was trying to do i'm not trying to be youtuber because i want people to listen instead of watch because i want you to reduce your screen time and work on your attention spans so you're not glued to you know blue light and screens all day the less you watch me the better please go on a hike go on a run go on a walk do your dishes when you're listening do something active um but anyways go over to youtube subscribe i don't know i'm just trying to sort of take this seriously 70 episodes and someday i'll take it seriously probably not

for another five years and patreon.com slash tjms if you want to support me financially okay uh taking taking donations starts out at five dollars goes up to 20 my pay 20 uh dollar patrons get phone calls with jacqueline all the time which is fun and all the exclusive content that jacqueline doesn't show the internet you can guess what that is for yourself love you guys happy Thursday. Honestly, this was a fun episode. Um, that's all I got. I'll talk to you tomorrow for Friday, episode 71. All right. Love you. Bye. Hello, my patrons of patreon.com slash TJMS. What's going on? What's up Thursday. Here you go. Here's your shout out. We got Ozzy, Eagle One, Trevor Garrett, and Ricky Jensen. The clan of the quad clan. You guys have great quads. You guys,

there's four of you what could I call you what's in the multiples of four four multiples of four googling multiples of four this is your part of your shout out multiples of four names I don't know I'm just googling this is a long shout out okay google give me something fun what's a four in french I'm not gonna pronounce that four in german beer beer wait beer beer beer beer you guys are my beers okay that's annoying this shot i was probably the most annoying one i was trying to think of something i could call you guys i liked calling you guys my three stooges my three amigos but then ozzy joined and then now it's four of you and i just you're in my quad squad okay you guys are all uh leg day every day

quad squad that's you guys right now thanks for your support i love you i'll talk to you tomorrow for friday's episode okay bye