The Jacqueline Monroe Show - 86- Saturdaycast: WINE NIGHT

Episode Date: November 29, 2020

Happy Saturday!! :) Patreon.com/TJMS https://soundcloud.com/robmonmusic

What's up? It's episode 86. Welcome back to the show. does anyone want to help me does anyone want to does anyone want to record today with me i said i was gonna have a guest this week just say welcome back to the show here you go talking the mic guys my sister's gonna do the intro sure here you go one take go welcome back to the show there you go guys welcome back to the show that's my sister i don't know what's going on get out of the room okay i said i was gonna have a guest the first week and they're all slacking off they don't want to be involved it's a saturday night we went out on the town today we went to target juliet please leave. She's eating a cookie. You guys, there's finally someone else here on the show

with me. Julie, do you want to say anything real quick? I just made her TikTok famous. My lips are purple. Did I drink? I drank Chardonnay. I didn't drink red wine. Why am my teeth purple? Go out of the room. Lock the doors. They're watching football. They're watching our rival team that we don't like. Please shut both doors on your way out. hi guys it's Jacqueline happy Saturday welcome back to the show holy shit it's November 28th where is this where is this year gone where is this year gone she's making fun of me guys what is happening it's almost December I love 2020 I love it here it's been a chill uh week home so far with family what am I on day three I don't know what to say like

it's official to me or sorry guys i had some chardonnay fucking a episode 86 thanksgiving is a four-day excursion it's a four-day holiday i can't stop eating okay we're eating cookies my sister and i downed two fucking pepperidge farms bags of cookies while i was doing her makeup i'm looking at a turkey i'm looking at oysters that i've been sitting out for a while fresh cooked on the barbecue it's disgusting mashed potato we have everything out we're grazing all day long I've got my double XL hoodie on I don't know what my waistline looks like neither do they that was by design because I'm like I don't want to be body shamed okay yeah I said we down to we she's still here we down two bags of Pepperidge Farm cookies um it's kind of a joke

I'm like you guys don't even know what I look like because I've been wearing these baggy hook julia please you're ruining the show is this fun for you guys how are you doing out there she says your viewers wouldn't say that she's throwing out garbage thanks shut the door please jesus christ anyways i can't stop eating who's with me my mom and i decided tomorrow we're throwing everything out that's how we have to stop ourselves we're like if it's in our fucking kitchen we're gonna eat it so we have to throw everything out uh tomorrow morning and you know clean the slate but it's been nice eating the fun foods and I mean I just downed so many cookies today I feel like I'm cracked out on so much sugar who can relate to that I don't know

um what what am I gonna do today I'm gonna I'm gonna should I quit guys what the fuck okay so I'm gonna do a life update talk about what we did today and then call it my mom's like Jacqueline give yourself a break. Can you do a 15 minute show? Do you have to do a long show? And I said, no, it's my show. I can do whatever I want. So I want to cut this short and sweet or whatever. So real quick, I woke up, uh, woke up to my mom again and, uh, she got up bright and early. She did her workout, her morning rowing. She took her concept rower out of the garage, dragged that bitch in the living room while I was on the couch asleep okay she's like I'm gonna do my workout inside and then my aunt facetimed my sister we were all facetiming her while my mom

was rowing and telling stories about shit that went on there's like a burning turkey in the oven situation going on there's some moving going on in my family lots of drama lots of fun shit so we were facetiming her all morning then we just like hung out and talked I was I was my mom's counselor for like I don't know a good hour just talking about life she loves getting my advice on things getting a fresh perspective because I don't talk to her have long conversations all the time so that was fun guys I need a drink of my LaCroix holy shit by the way this is me on two glasses of wine now you know two is all I need to feel good and feel like embarrassed about

I don't know the show and talking on this um so then we just hung out after I did that we drank coffee that kind of shit midday we're like we need to go to Target we need some things I need some new face moisturizer I wear SPF on my face every day no matter what and I will absolutely lose my shit if I don't have sunscreen because I'm all about that wrinkle prevention I know it's like the one and only thing that's it's so simple to do men women out there if you're listening just get out of the shower and put on sunscreen every single day it takes two seconds and that'll it's so beneficial like over time you don't notice anything but I'd say people that put on sunscreen every day versus people that don't there's a

I'd say mid midlife there's a difference in your aging I don't know if that's important to you but I think about it so I dragged their asses to Target we all milled around looked at clothes looked at all the like tacky basic bitch Pinterest shit I got a new ring I really like my mom got it for me and I'm wearing these new fuzzy slippers I put them in the cart for that I was gonna buy them myself and she's like I got it it's my treat they're these little uh like leopard print cute slippers so episode 86 episode 86 holy shit um I'm home I'm chilling I'm drinking a lot of wine this weekend I don't give a fuck Thanksgiving's a four-day weekend I can't stop eating so yeah I got that new little ring my sister got some stuff yeah and then we went uh drove around my mom she

took me down all the roads you know all the roads I grew up on childhood roads like there's a dike in a river where we live she goes like instead of taking the main road home she goes like towards the river she's like driving down the long windy back roads I'm like great okay cool and I'm in the back of her Porsche not a not a flex not a brag it's cool my mom's a she's the talk of the town now in her new fucking Porsche I'm too tall to sit in the back seat and the whole time I'm getting like scoliosis sitting back there and my mom's taking the long way home I'm like can we please just like go home like I hurt or can we do musical chairs or the fucking Chinese fire drill and get out and switch positions can I sit in the front please anyways uh it was great that's what

we did came home and just chilled the fuck out even more we just laid around I did my sister's makeup we did a little photo shoot I taught her how to take selfies I was a little director of the photo shoot showing her how to pose how to take you know like how to look at the camera all that fun stuff because I practice I'm taking a selfie is a lifestyle it's something it's just a natural part. It's like a, it's like a, after I do my makeup and get ready every day, I naturally want to take a photo. And I don't know if you've noticed that on Instagram, like a lot of people do it, but it's part of my daily routine. So I was trying to show her like what I do. She posted some new pics. My sister's really hot. Check her out. Uh, it's Julia Dean on Instagram. It's Julia

Dean. It's a private, private profile. She won't accept it, but if you request her, but that's my sister what else do we do we fucking I don't know just talk shit sat around we're watching football now I was like oh shit I got a podcast I said I was gonna have a guest this week my sister was kind of the guest the beginning that shit show the beginning was kind of the the guest appearance for today but I told him I said I told you guys excuse me I was like this is the week I'm gonna my first guest my mom's gonna sit down do it and she's like scrolling Instagram right now sitting back watching football doesn't want to be here she's like I'm too juggling it's not it's just not a good time I just don't feel like doing it tonight and I'll respect that because I don't

want to drag her on something and or drag her on this and it's not the best first impression I think she wants to make a good impression on you guys like the first show and I don't want to drag her into this if she's kind of tired but um next week so understand this I've been enjoying myself with them we've been hanging out having a good time but I promise I pinky promise you guys starting next week Monday fresh start we're gonna get a more you know it'll be a morning show again my mom will be on we'll have like this energetic clear conscience conscience clear focused non-wine drunk episode to share with you because holy fuck I do the 70s week this is what we're getting on a Saturday night. I'm sorry. I'm not sorry, but I don't do have any other updates.

Let me check my phone. I don't know. I'm just looking around a lot of leftovers and I'm kind of getting sick. I feel like I have a fucking food hangover like never before. And I either like sometimes like some years I cut it off after Thanksgiving. I'm like, I'm done. I don't need to graze for the next four days. But Jesus Christ, when you get three women who like to eat and drink we're just all fucking going in like we are go like 16 year old boys going through puberty like football players in high school that we're eating like we're on a fucking football team trying to like we're fucking linemen it's disgusting but who's relating I'm sure that's relatable like I said my sister and I downed two Pepperidge Farm bags of cookies together and it

was a good bonding experience while we were doing makeup I don't know let me look around here my mom's got a lot of poinsettias around the house it feels very Christmassy um it's raining today here in Seattle excuse me here in the Skagit Valley um the weather's been really fun to see but I definitely could not live here again long term we talked a lot about my job today and the future of like what I'm, uh, like my, my future plans with my job and my podcast. My mom wants to know all about it, like in detail. And she's super supportive, which is awesome. But I said, what's amazing is that my goal is to set up a lifestyle where I don't know why I'm being serious right now. I said, I'm able to work anywhere. It's a remote job. So I said, I love

coming home to visit where I can be home with family. It's not like I work and live here. It's Like this is my, um, this is my coming home Zen place. I don't know how, like, I, I'm not here to work. I'm here to hang out with family, talk, relax. I can always bring my job here, which is what I'm going to be doing over the next month. And I love that. So I told her in the future, I'd love to make trips home for, you know, an extended time like this.

It's crazy. You know, I mean, I'm kind of like, well, Jacqueline, well, you're paying rent. You're not even living there. But like, that's what I'm willing to do because family, like I love family to me comes first. it's been a rough year and I'm realizing that I can totally do this more often. I just need to book a flight, come home for a week or so and feel more close to family. Cause that's what I've been missing for so long. So cheers to that. Let's drink a LaCroix together. Okay. Shout out to these lemon LaCroix's my mom has. They're not bad. I usually get the, the lime or the grapefruit,

but this lemon one is getting me off right now I don't know what's going on but it's I feel like it's my favorite one I don't know why I never I don't think I've ever had it how are you guys doing how's your weekend going I know I'm very uh sensitive to the fact some people don't have you know family around them this weekend you're definitely or you don't like have a good close relationship where you're you know like doing what I'm doing so I'm sensitive that I um I totally feel bad for people I'm just like how like that's this is rough when it's holiday family time everyone's getting together and you don't really have that I am just like praying for you hoping you're doing okay because it's hard to see all the posts and what everyone's doing and how happy

snappy it is, and I know, like, I know that's what I have, and I am so grateful for it, and so thankful that my family's awesome, and we're all good, but Jesus Christ, I know that could change any second with who knows what. I don't know how to be, like, I don't know. I'm trying to be nice right now, but I feel like, Jesus Christ, this world's so fucked up. I mentioned a couple days ago I think on the show I said well that's I feel like that on Father's Day you know Father's Day is kind of hard for me because my parents split up my dad and I are more distant than we used to be and it's kind of tough anyways long tangent I could go on I don't know these oysters are literally an arm's length away guys should I tap the mic with an oyster

it's an oyster on glass my mom's new glass table I picked out it was delivered before I arrived it's an oyster wow happy to be in the pacific northwest let me describe our kitchen right now so I told you she's got all these new appliances I've never seen before which is great uh the the uh refrigerator is completely silent it's so zen whenever I open it it's like it feels like I'm in a tesla it's like absolutely silent it's beautiful I'm looking at god damn I'm looking at a carcass okay our turkey's down to just the legs most of the legs are eaten but it's it's mostly dark meat we got a ritz ritz toasted chips bag sour cream and onion it's 90 gone we got a literally a sliver of pumpkin pie left like two it's about two by two two inches by two inches wide i guess we got

some tamponade olive ceviche fucking shit we got we got mashed potatoes sitting out we got some sweet potato casserole sitting out, stuffing, I said oysters, uh, we got a compost bin with a bunch of, uh, cantaloupe we ate the other day, I'm looking at, my mom bought me my instant coffee I love, that's sitting next to me on the counter here, a couple of those, a kettle, a tea kettle, a bunch of alcohol out in the distance there, she set up a little, we got, let's see, Chateau Saint-Michel Indian Wells red wine, we got La Crema Chardonnay, which is what my sister and I I've been drinking tonight. I had two glasses, if you can't hear it in my voice, I mentioned that before, but that's

what I'm looking at. We got some oranges and lemons over there. Big ass thing of Maker's Mark. Some bitters, fucking, a whole bar set up, a lot of little glasses and, I don't know, a poinsettia, microwave, picture of me and my sister and brother on a bike. Looking at some face masks, some surgical masks, sitting around, some hand sanitizer shit. I got fucking toffee sitting in front of me from I think it's from San Diego actually

it's called um this is like famous toffee brandini toffee dude I love how they put the calories on here like I don't give a shit I'm gonna eat the toffee who is conscientious of like when they're opening a box of chocolates or toffee like I don't care how many calories it is I'm eating it it doesn't or not like that would prevent me but it's irrelevant whatever anything sweet it's like calories are irrelevant you're gonna have the cupcake you're not gonna be like oh well it's 440 calories can't have it fuck that um I'm looking at a bouquet of flowers some I think these are daisies yeah is this interesting information I don't know my mom's like Jacqueline tap in tap out 15 minutes you've had a long day okay you went to Target okay you sat you got

scoliosis in the back of my Porsche. Cause you couldn't, cause you're too tall to sit in the back seat. Uh, you drink a little bit. Okay. Jacqueline tap in, tap out, do a quick episode and leave. You don't have to give your listeners a full on fucking production for an hour and a half. Now, listen, I was a little hard on my sister. I want to apologize her, apologize to her formally on the show tonight about her lack of trying hard when it comes to taking photos of herself she relies on me literally she was reminiscing about Jacqueline the last time I had nice photos was when I was a senior in high school and you took my pictures I'm like Julia you're 20 almost 28 like that's literally a decade of of sitting around reminiscing reliving your

glory days about your fucking senior pictures I'm like Julia I'm not going to be with you anymore so I did this whole like coaching on like how to take selfies and I kind of was I was hard on her and I said that like Julia you went this long without she takes first of all my sister takes awesome photos of herself all the time but they're mostly gym pics so she wants to like put more nicely dressed cute selfies and shit like stuff I post on her profiles and I was helping her through it today she doesn't naturally grab the camera every day like me because she's not online she's totally private everything she does it's like I don't know so whatever it was I feel bad I was kind of hard on her I'm like Julie don't you just like take a selfie and like send it to

boys all the time like I just take selfies all the fucking time I'm just like always taking like it's what I do all day long anyways I think I'll wrap it here uh I didn't plug any of my shit look here I want to be fun I just want to think I don't know okay so this is my show I do whatever I want I'm not trying to like how do I say this uh some days I'm not gonna pull my shit together and be all professional and plug my Patreon YouTube subscription shit in the beginning because I don't know I forgot and I'm not gonna like go re-record this and try like it's kind of fun I'm so uh like stoked about the fact that this show is whatever I'm not I don't know I don't come with a specific format and structure every day because I don't want to be tied to that and I don't know

I had fun I was like literally down the last sip of wine I'm like I gotta get this done I got a mobile hotspot oh god I'm gonna burp the LaCroix's make you burp I won't burp that's disgusting oh my God, guys, it's so hard to not burp when you're a podcast host. I don't know how Joe Rogan does it, but does he really drink bubbly shit? It's all that CO2 they pump in it. I'm inflating. LaCroix's make me inflate and I don't know what to do. I need some, gravity isn't strong enough sometimes. Sometimes I'm starting to, I start floating away. Anyways, back to what I was saying. Uh, this is one of those, one of those days was off the rails. I'm at home hanging out with family

but it's cool like literally this is what's good to know I'm just I'm your BFF I'm hanging out gotta do a quick life update for y'all and just know that I had a great day with family just literally drank my last

sip of wine I was like I gotta upload this oh that's what I was saying I gotta upload this on a mobile hotspot so I gotta make it short and sweet my mom's she's getting I have to call the wifi place the internet provider on Monday for her because I put my foot down like I can't live in this house for a month without wi-fi I don't understand what's going on so yeah that's the thing anyways

here I'm gonna plug my shit and go I'm gonna be self-disciplined make the short and sweet real quick if you're new if you like the show or honestly this episode was like Jacqueline quit this is a bit too much you're a little bit overbearing seven days a week is a little bit uh crazy are you are you okay do you need to get your head checked if you felt like that today please go over the apple podcast app and leave a one-star review you can write anything you know any feedback about my personality what you don't like about it all over the apple podcast app so please go there and leave a review uh and also subscribe if you haven't officially subscribed to the podcast on the apple podcast app please do so and next up we got patreon.com slash tjms

if you want to support the show everyone gets the shout out everyone gets my exclusive patreon only content. Speaking of selfies, a lot of the selfies that don't make the internet on Instagram go to Patreon. So if you want to see those, go over there. All right. And finally, but not least, lastly, but not leastly, last but not least, you can go over to my YouTube. Please search my name at Jacqueline Monroe. Jacqueline Monroe on YouTube. It'll show up. Got about 40 episodes up right now I I normally podcast Monday through Friday but uh I'm not doing it until January so while I'm home there's no YouTube podcast but you can go watch the old ones my sister came up with this brilliant idea she's like Jacqueline why don't we park that fucking

Porsche in the front of Walmart back that bitch up put a couple of camping chairs behind the Porsche sit out there with our headsets and do an episode I'm like that sounds beautiful to me And honestly, that might be the sister episode you guys are going to be, uh, some, that might be something to look forward to me and my sister back the fucking Porsche up big ass hips in front of Walmart. That car's got hips. If you know what it looks like, it's a, it's a, I don't want some year or whatever the fuck.

I don't know. My mom's got a black Porsche. It's cute. It's like new. It's a thing she's all excited about. So just like, I'm excited for my mom. Okay. She deserves it.

She fucking deserves, deserves a Porsche. And I love her so much. But yeah, just imagine that thing backed up. You got the Walmart sign in the back, us in two camping chairs. Hey, we have a couple of beers. We're sitting there doing a fucking podcast. I mean, people bring their campers to Walmart. I feel like we could get away with that.

I can't wait to podcast with my sister. She's like, I mean, we were doing, I made her TikTok famous tonight. She came out to some like old 80s song. She listens to like strictly 80s rock and roll type of music. it was the song it was like I want it all I want it all that song and she came out she's back in the kitchen Julia I'm almost done I got about 20 seconds till I wrap and anyways she's a total entertainer like me so you'll you'll really enjoy listening to her on the show probably in a few weeks couple weeks I don't know we're going to a cabin next weekend it's gonna be a great ass time

shut the door please she's just twerking on the cat she literally put her leg up on the garbage she kind of started twerking as I said that. So my family's entertaining, entertaining as fuck. I'm really sad. They didn't get on the mic tonight and joined me, but we'll have so much fun in the next, I don't know, next week with my mom and then my sister. And yeah, yeah, yeah. So love you guys. Hope you're having a great weekend and I'll talk to you tomorrow for holy shit. Sunday's episode. I can't believe it's almost December. Fuck yeah. Merry Christmas. Merry fucking Christmas guys. we made it give yourself a round of applause it's almost December you made it this far holy shit love you guys talk to you tomorrow stick around if you're a patron

and yeah that's all I got for you today all right bye all right today's patreon.com slash tjms patron shout outs go to ricky jensen why am i doing that ricky jensen trevor garrett eagle one and ozzy osbourne thanks guys for your support it means a lot that you support the show and like like what i'm doing and get me that's awesome so thank you thank you thank you it's the weekend of thanksgiving i'm grateful i'm thankful for you guys a lot um wow okay that's all i have to say you know how I feel like I shot you at seven days a week. So there's your shout out. Thanks again. Talk to you tomorrow. All right. Bye.