The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - 9994 to go

Episode Date: August 27, 2023

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Acast.com Dear listener, it may not shock you to discover that I am not a big fan of fiat currency. And of course, that might not shock you for a number of reasons. Maybe because I seem like the sort of conservative fellow who backs the gold standard and things like that and would never go in for something like fiat currency. Or maybe that would not shock you because why would that shock anyone that's not very interesting or novel? And maybe it wouldn't shock you because you don't know what fiat currency is.

And maybe it wouldn't shock you because from the time that I started talking to now, you've died, and you can't be shocked by anything, or man, and so on and so forth. I don't like fiat currency currency and it came to a head this week i'm listening to dominic sandbrook's audiobook uh who dares wins which is all about britain from the late 70s through the 80s and it was a time of great inflation more inflation than we're living through now and a couple things have stood out to me from this book. One, football hooliganism sounds like a lot of fun.

I know people have died. I know it's boorish. It just feels like that sort of street violence. Gee, I hope this doesn't come back to bite me, as a quote. But I can really see in Dominic Sandbrook's descriptions of football hooliganism in the 1980s just how much fun it must have been to beat the s*** out of people in the street. And it's given me an appreciation for oi music, which I think is a sort of post-punk music that just involves people saying, Oi!

But anyway, also an obsession with inflation. I'm thinking about inflation a lot, especially because I have a podcast where hitherto I've been trying to gain $500,000 Australian dollars to buy a boat. Hello, and welcome to the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. If you're a first-time listener, you might not know that's the point of the show. And it is. Sometimes I get distracted, but basically it is about me trying to buy a boat.

And as well as reading or audiobooking, I just say reading in conversation because it makes you seem smarter, you know, than I was listening to an audiobook. Because any rube can listen to an audiobook, but only a man of great intellect can drag his eyes across the page. But I was audiobooking it. There's precious little time for reading with a family. Well, and being an attentive member of the family. I think if I was a worse dad, I'd get to read more. And indeed, sometimes I do fantasize about having a big leather armchair in a separate room of the house. Father's study.

You know, like that weird angry dad in that first famous five book. Or I think the magician's nephew. This was a trope in literature throughout the pre... Well, I actually don't know if it was a trope or if that's just two examples and I'm misremembering because I don't read enough books to know if it's a trope. Excuse me, let's get to the nuts and bolts. I've been reading about inflation and then I was having a little scroll on my phone, which frankly is what I do. It's not the children who take away my reading time. It's the scrolling. Daddy loves to have a scroll. And I was scrolling and I saw all these articles saying, hey, the Australian currency

is collapsing. And I thought when I saw that news, probably the same thing that a lot of you thought when you saw those articles. What does this mean for James Donald Forbes McCann's plans for boat ownership? Well, I tell you, I don't think it's good. I don't think it's good at all. If the Australian dollar collapses, my understanding is that boats that can go on the sea have a sort of global currency value because you can just take that boat across the sea and sell it in a country where demand for boats is high as opposed to housing, which might collapse. And if you have an exterior, you know, you see what I'm saying? You see what I'm saying? So if the Australian dollar collapses, even if I'm earning lots and lots of Australian dollars, I'll never get a boat because the paper money will be

pointless. And then there's the entire other question. As I raised at the beginning of the podcast about the moral worth of fiat currency. Come to think of it, I don't think I actually did talk about the moral worth of fiat currency. to think of it i don't think i actually did talk about the moral worth of fiat currency i just said i i didn't like it very much and then i moved on i question its moral work and as we move i think these problems become worse as we move to you know the online online money they don't let you get money out anymore they limit the amount of money you can get out in Australia. Well, maybe on the cardless cash, because I can never find my bank card. Probably a pretty good safety measure. I read somewhere else that they're trying to get rid of cash. They're getting rid of

cash. And I don't like cash. And cash is increasingly worthless. And I want to be a good custodian of the money that's coming in for the podcast. So I've made a decision moving forward about how I'm saving for the boat. It's a big decision and I'm about to share it with you. Now I'm collecting silver coins. Fiat currency be gone. I abide by no man's fiat. abide by no man's fiat. Silver coins. Now, the current exchange rate for coins to boat, I think this means I need 1,000 silver coins. They mint them. I actually have my first round of silver coins here. Yes. Here's my sack of silver coins. Gee, it is a bit hard to not feel like Judas when you're carrying around a sack of silver coins. Might have to... I'm also open to having other forms of precious metal.

Something about a bag of silver coins. Very Judas-y. Judas-y energy. I'll tell you one thing that strips it of the Judas energy. It's not 30. I think that's of the Judas energy. It's not 30. I think that's how many Judas had. It's less. We're not that far along.

So income for this podcast comes in two streams at the moment. The first stream is the Patreon. And please do sign up to the Patreon. I love having people on the Patreon. And if you want to hear about our plans for making a movie, Sam Clark and I, that's all happening on the Patreon. And if you want to hear about our plans for making a movie, Sam Clark and I, that's all happening on the Patreon. I finished the script this week. I locked myself

away in the office and I finished the first draft of Brad's Glove. And it's going to be a feature film length. Anyway, we'll talk about that on the Patreon. Don't forget to join. So there's that money. And there's the money from other plans that I've done. The art auction, previous and upcoming books of poems, that sort of thing. And

that money goes into making more plans. But usually, I try and save what I can. But often, I just take the money from the plans. And then I double down into making a new plan. My hope is that the plans get bigger and more exciting. A lot of that money goes to Sam Clark, who churns out a lot of YouTube content and is now helping me to make a feature film, which may make enough money off its own back to buy a boat, I'm hoping. Those are our active revenue streams.

We've got to do things for the patrons. You know what I'm saying? We've got to make the plates, send them off around the world in a way that doesn't actually, it's not, I've got to start checking if when I do things like that, it's going to make money or cost money. The plates were not as expensive as the mugs, but it was still, it was burdensome. And that was paying Margo very little money. Margo's now left the country. I miss Margo very much. Oh, poor Margo. Hello, Margo, if you're listening. Give me a call. And the second stream is passive income. So we have a YouTube channel that is advertising engaged and money just flows in. It's like a few dollars a day.

People watch the YouTube and the money flows in and I don't have to do anything. I can add more YouTube, but as the star grows and the podcast gets bigger, that money flows in. And the other passive revenue stream I had hoped would be advertising on the podcast, which the company that is hosting the podcast has got their bum into gear and seems to have sorted out that whole system now so that I could be running ads and getting money for the podcast, but I'm sufficiently annoyed. The episode Ads Disabled a few weeks ago, I talk about how annoyed I was.

So I'm not doing that for the time being. At the moment, it's just the YouTube. So basically, my plan is as follows for buying a catamaran. We've got a bunch of plans that are snowballing and reinvesting and making a lot of money, but that's not profit for the boat, you know, because I want to keep using that money. But then if all I'm doing is re-upping and re-upping and re-upping, I don't think that's a good thing to do. That's like a gambler's mentality.

Oh, we did an art auction. Well, let's take that money and let's put it back in an even bigger art auction, which we are doing. But maybe that art auction won't be successful. I hope it is. October 13. We'd love to see you there at the big art auction at Praxis. But who knows? It's good, I think, to just constantly be taking out and saving money.

So I'm going to put a dam up. I'm going to dam. D-A-M-N. I guess that is spelled the same way as to dam something. But we'll put up a big wall around that stream so that we're always getting closer. It's not just a matter of being flashier and bigger and more exciting, which is where I always go intellectually.

So at the moment, at some point, if we get podcast ads, we'll start damning that money too. But for the time being, we will keep reinvesting all the other money in plans and our team of employees. But the YouTube advertising that comes through, I will keep. advertising that comes through, I will keep. And because I don't believe in fiat currency, I will keep it in the form of these beautiful silver coins. Now, at the moment, we have $300 that's come through the YouTube advertising, separate to all the other money, books of poems, shows. But in terms of just pure youtube advertising profit

it doesn't make a very jingly noise i'm gonna take it out of the bag yes that sounds more substantial six a pure silver it's like nine nine nine nine nine six beautiful silver coins that will always have value. I do believe. Unless silver... Man, if they figure out how to make silver in a laboratory, I'm screwed. But they haven't done it yet, and why would we think they're going to do that soon? Silver.

Six silver coins. Roughly $50 per silver coin. That's the price in Australia. If you go into a shop and you want to buy a silver coin at the moment. And I tell you, so I've got so many different silver coins here. Yes, we've got the 2012, 22, 2022 Australian coin. Got that one. Excuse me.

I don't want any of the coins to fall off and lose them. This one has a kookaburra on it. That's the 2021 Australian silver coin. Let's have a look at this one. This is a 2008 kookaburra Australian. Oh, don't fall onto the floor of the Volvo. Silver coin. Then we have two, oh, gee, they are a bit hard to, it's a bit easier when it's in the bank account to keep track of them. These two are English silver coins from 2023 and 2023 respectively. And then the last coin here is, I think, oh, it's a beautiful, I think they're called maple backs. It is a coin from Canada in 2020. And it's got our beautiful

dead monarch, Elizabeth II on them. I can't imagine. If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you.

We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back.

CBC News brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning. Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News. that has come through on the YouTube so far.

And as more money comes in on the YouTube, let's put that away there, we will get more silver coins. And as we, you know, if we secure a deal with a brand we believe in on the podcast, then that advertising money will come through also. And we'll just put that aside into the silver coins, not reinvesting that into any plans.

Just keeping that safe. I was about to say secret. You don't get much less secret than announcing you've got six silver coins. I feel sort of safe saying I've got six silver coins. Because I'm pretty sure if you wanted to rob me you'd take the phone the phone i've yet the silver coins yet to exceed in value other things i have on my person the laptop that i have so much more valuable than six silver coins but in time i hope to have 1,000 silver coins, which will buy me a boat. 1,000 silver coins at $50 a coin is... Wait.

No. Ah, crap. That would be $50,000. Yeah. Ah, man. I felt like I was... How many do I need?50,000. Yeah. Oh, man. I felt like I was... How many do I need? I need 10,000.

No, that can't be right. Hold on. It's 50. Yeah, I need 500. I do need... Ah, crap. Okay. 10,000 silver coins.

Ah, it seems like a lot. I couldn't buy the smallest amount of gold they had in the shop for my YouTube money. Ah, mercy. All right. Sorry, that's a downer. Ah, crap. I'm so far away from having 10,000. I thought 1,000.

Six is actually sort of... It's not close, but it's like, it's, you know, 0.6%. I'm on 0.06%. That's probably safe to drive if it's blood content of the alcohol. It's fine, because we have other money, and we have other things coming in, and other plans, so this is just security, slow building. I feel it's something the Germans would do to have some silver tucked away so that if the currency collapses and there's hyperinflation, you've got something. If the currency collapses and the Australian dollar doesn't buy you anything anymore, I can probably go out with my six silver coins and buy one pair of shoes.

But pretty good shoes and not on special. Just buy them quick smart. Ah, $10,000. Ah, I've been thinking in my head for days that it was $1,000. Ah, I don't even know where I'd keep $10,000. Ah, I've been thinking in my head for days that it was a thousand. Ah, that's, I don't even know where I'd keep 10,000. This would get a safe. That's going to cost at least eight coins. I thought I could just start by buying a good safe and be like, and I'll keep the coins in there. But I realized the safe would cost more than the coins. So I haven't done that. Maybe I'll just bury them. Pirate style. In a

secret location. Also, I went to a bunch of different shops to try and buy the silver coins. And they had the same amount. Like I went to one and then I went to another. And they both said $54 per coin.

And I'm going, but look on the internet. It says a little under $50 a coin. And the lady said, oh, that's probably in Sydney. You've got to pay to get them over here. But I thought the point of precious metal is that it was non-perishable. So that transport costs wouldn't really come into it in this it's not a rush to we're gonna get the fresh silver over to Adelaide the people need it need it need it so I'm also not comfortable that I'm buying I think there might be a more affordable way to

buy the silver I also bought one additional silver coin and I gave it as a gift to Sam Clark because it was his wedding I went to Sam Clark's wedding. It was so beautiful. Marrying the beautiful Simi. We went to Africola afterwards, had a beautiful meal and a cake that was made by Poling Yao. And it was tremendous. I had a really nice time. Sam and Simi, before man and God, I pledged myself to protect that indissoluble union. And I basically stopped working with Sam for that. He kept writing to me. He kept going, we can do this, we can do this, we can do this.

I'm saying, Sam, you're getting married. Let's focus on the getting married. But it went off without a hitch. And also, it was one of these more secular weddings. It was an outdoor wedding with a celebrant rather than a church wedding with a priest. But I'll tell you, none of the offensive things about the secular weddings.

You know, you go to a wedding. I won't go on and on because I've offended people before by talking about things I don't like at weddings and then they have that at their wedding. Well, they have had that at their wedding a couple days prior and then I've spoken a lot about how much I don't like at weddings and then they have that at their wedding. Well, they have had that at their wedding a couple days prior and then I've spoken a lot about how much I don't like it. But yeah, writing your own vows. Yuck. Get rid of it. You're not a poet. You're not refashioning

the wheel. Sickness, health, poverty. What's the last one? No outside sex. Those are three. They're great vows, you know? Keep those. I know, I was once at a wedding where someone said, I will always travel with you. And you go, well, it was actually not long after that, a coronavirus that shut down the world.

I guess the marriage is over. I always try and get that up as a bit on stage, but it never quite gets there. I think it is one of those instances of something that annoys me more than it annoys people in the audience. And I'm there going, don't you hate it? And I perceive the audience going, not especially. I'll just, I want to say this. I know I'm going to talk more about this on the Patreon.

Link below. JDF McCann Patreon. The script. I, it took, so I finished the first draft, then I spent three days going through it again, and making it all formatted to look like a real script, and they have all this software they want you to pay for, for making a script, but if you just, if you take half a minute, you can do it on pages, you don't even need Microsoft Word, you can do it on pages, and so I need microsoft word you can do it on pages and so i've done it there and it's currently 77 pages long so it's a 77 minute script but there

are a couple apparently it's a page and that format it's one page one minute that seems too precise but apparently it does hold up there's a three minute song at the end so it's about 80 minutes it's got to be 90 minutes and the plan is still to make that in november take a month to do it um sam clark is fresh off honeymoon now and he's going through the script and he's coming up with what is the least expensive way we can make it and shoot it and then i have been doing something very important going through different male celebrities and female celebrities. It just happens that almost none of them are women.

But basically, I've been going through lists of people who got me too'd over the last four years to see if any of them maybe didn't do anything that bad and are ready to be reappropriated into the mainstream. And maybe you get a famous person a bit cheap. Because I saw, I was watching the television, and Johnny Depp is back doing commercials for a perfume company. That's funny. Remember they got rid of Johnny Depp, and then more came out, and there was a second court case, and then Johnny Depp's back.

It's fine. And now Amber Heard is on the way out. So to take a female example, maybe now's a pretty good time to put Amber Heard in a movie. You know? Huh? I mean, you probably don't have to pay her nearly as much as before that second trial, right?

Well, that's what I'm thinking. So they've got these big lists of people and, uh, you know, some of them are monsters. Some of them, I think, yeah, some of them have done things that I, I wouldn't want to work with them on a film set, to be honest. Kevin Spacey, I know he just won his case, but I'm young and hot and I don't want Kevin Spacey grabbing a handful of me. I'd be cautious about that. So I'm going through that list. Maybe that's something we'll do more on the Patreon. We'll sign up now.

Thank you very much. James Donald Forbes McCann, Catamaran Plan. Catamaran Ho. Six silver coins down. Nine thousand nine hundred and ninety three. Four. Ninety four. Coins down 9,993. Four. 94 to go. And now a whip around from Felix James Miller.

Hey, Alex. Hey, Felix. Where are we? We are at Stewart's in upstate New York. Grand Institution. So have you ever heard of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan? I have not. Well, buddy, you're missing out on the best

podcast there is. It's about a man with a plan. A plan to buy a boat. He doesn't know how to sail. He doesn't really like the ocean. He's from Australia. He's Catholic. He's a comedian. he's very crass

he's very funny uh and his plan in life is to get money to buy a boat he doesn't use any of the money for his fairly impoverished family instead he's using it to buy a boat you need to listen to every episode starting with the first one i i can't even begin to tell you how intrigued I am right now. Great. Well, thank you very much to Felix. And a big hello to Father Legan, who Felix asks that I say a big hello to. So thank you, Felix, for sending that in. And don't forget to send in your whip around.

Just tell someone about the podcast and we'll put that on. I'm sorry, this bit of the podcast is echoey. I already put my microphone away. I'm just talking into my laptop. It's more rugged, I feel. It feels more earthy and real. As a Fizz member, you can look forward to free data, big savings on plans, and having your unused data roll over to the following month.

Every month. At Fizz, you always get more for your money. Terms and conditions for our different programs and policies apply. Details at Fizz.ca. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessi Cruikshank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids.

I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com. was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessi Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show.

I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a node. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Krukschank is not available on Facebook.

It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. with Jesse Krukschank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.