The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - anorexia, hello! (9,992)

Episode Date: September 3, 2023

Gigs coming soon in Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney, etc : https://www.jdfmccann.com/gigsJoin the Patreon and to further the journey to boat ownership: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccannBrowse the YouTube, and facilitate silver coins for a boat: https://www.youtube.com/@JamesDonaldForbesMcCann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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CBC News. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show.

I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines and i get schooled by a tween facebook is like a no that's what my grandma's on thank god phone a friend with jesse crookshank is not available on facebook it's out now wherever you get your podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com Hello and welcome to this extremely special episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan Podcast.

I welcome you here to the 89th, that's what I have in front of me, the 89th episode of the podcast where I am trying to buy a boat. It was going to be a $500,000 boat. The collapse in the Australian dollar does not give me satisfaction that by the time I get enough money to buy a boat, $500,000 will do it. So it's now 10,000 pieces of silver that we're after to exchange eventually for the boat. And we now have eight of those pieces of silver, eight silver ounce coins. And so it's only 9,992 silver coins remaining. Hello. Welcome. I'm James, I'm sitting in my Volvo, and I'm recording today's podcast in a nice suburb under a shady tree, outside the ugliest terrace houses I've ever seen. Georgian style houses they've knocked down.

I don't know if we have Georgian. Federation? The Federation style houses in Australia, they would have knocked down to build these. These little suicide factories. There's cinder block and cladding. Wood on the wrong angle. You know what I'm saying? It's vertical wood.

People used to do wood horizontally and now almost to show off around the tacky little window fittings. It's all vertical wood. And my hope is that sitting next to this ugly, ugly block of terrace houses, I will be inspired to get away from them and to get onto the seas. Dear listener, I have to tell you about my upcoming stand-up comedy tour. And this is really only going to be good news if you're in Australia and

specific parts of Australia. If you're in Broome, as I know from looking at the statistics that none of you are, you should work on getting a Broome audience. I'm going to be in Adelaide this Wednesday, the first Wednesday of September. I'll be at the Rhino Room doing my show. Tickets on sale now. And then later in September, Melbourne. The 21st, I'll be doing a gig there. And Sydney on the 23rd of September, I'll be doing a gig there. And I'm going to be traveling with cameraman Sam Clark. And the plan is to get on a train from Melbourne. And we're going to get the train up. Hopefully, we'll do a backyard gig in Wagga Wagga on the 22nd. Got a bunch of chums in Wagga Wagga and rather than, I keep trying to book a gig in

Wagga Wagga to no avail, so I'm just going to go to I think someone's backyard in Wagga Wagga and film some comedy there and then go on to Sydney on the 23rd. And we're going to film the train journey at the same time for a special that I'm tentatively calling Let's Run a Train. Surely that could not be misinterpreted in any negative way. So that's all coming up. And that concludes the second item of business. Ha ha! I've had you trapped in a meeting and you didn't even know about it. Yes, this is one of our very special podcasts that are organized as a meeting. So to recap, number one, welcome. Number two,

I'm going on tour. Begs the question, number three, James, what is the progress thus far this week towards boat ownership? Excuse me, I feel I'm a little too amped up. I haven't eaten any food today. And I'm not sure if I'm not eating food today. That's why it's only 2pm. And usually I would have had not only a big breakfast, but a big lunch as well. But I, you know, I got over the pneumonia. And everyone when I had pneumonia was saying how good and healthy I looked. And what they, of course, meant by that was more thin. And so I just thought, ah, well, we'll hold off having breakfast. And now it's two o'clock and I'm worried that I'm developing into a fat anorexic where I'm enjoying not having food and wasting away.

And I try. There was a time this morning where I thought I'm not eating for God. What if I give my hunger up for God? Like Catherine of Siena, there's a long history, but obviously it's far more vain. I just want to starve myself into being thin. And that probably sounds very unhealthy, but I'll tell you, being a hundred and whatever kilograms at my height and none of it's muscle, it's all fat i mean that'll kill you too and so then you go well why don't you just have a healthy diet of normal i can't do it man i don't i've i'm 32 if i haven't figured out how to have a healthy diet by this point

i don't think that i ever will until perhaps i'm out on the ocean catching fish. No food to go around. All the supplies have been eaten up by my crew. We start looking at children to go overboard. Or then I will wish that I had packed on more fat at this time, surely. Anyway, item number three, how much progress have I made towards my boat? Now, the sole source of income that we're saving at the moment for the boat is the YouTube money. Talk about the Patreon money in a second. But the YouTube money, that's the money we save off the James Donald Forbes McCann YouTube channel. This month, we had 3.9 thousand views. Wow.

Pretty good. We haven't had any big blockbuster videos. We had that interview with Sam Talent come out. And also there was a little video about the new magazine that I'm participating in, Agony Magazine. So yes, 3.9 thousand views. That comes to a grand total of $18 this week. $79 per month. That means it's coming in roughly $2.50 per day.

So if we decide to stop giving money to the silver coins and start giving that money to, I don't know, a hungry African child, maybe it's gone up. Surely inflation is what it used to be like for just $2 a day. You can sponsor an African child. And I actually worked briefly as a,

they call them charity muggers in Australia where you stand on the street and you try to get people to sign up to sponsor a child but you dig into those organizations and it's it's more it's not like Umbutu in South Sudan is just getting the money you know you give it to the charity and then they take a huge percentage of it for themselves. And then they go out and they work in the areas. And Umbutu gets, you know, to go to the school that's there. But you don't just get to give him $2. And then you're reading all this other stuff about, I quit the job eventually.

Not because there were any moral quandaries for it, but because it didn't pay very well and it was unpleasant. Not that mugging people on the street for their charitable dollars, but having to work with all those horrible Irish backpackers. So, once again, $18 this week, and I know I can hear, yes, I can hear you. James, didn't you buy almost $100 worth of silver? Didn't you spend money on two silver coins? And weren't you going to use the YouTube money for the silver coins? Well, that gets me on to three, a part B of the meeting.

I did it anyway. I got my tax money back this week. Big influx of cash. Thank you, Labor government, for letting me have some of my own money back. That was very, very kind of you. And I just thought, oh, I had some cash in my pocket. And I thought, well, am I allowed to make a charitable donation to my own boat ownership? I think it would be nice to have new coins back to back. So I found a new silver merchant who's more affordable and closer to the correct spot price than the other silver

merchant I had been using. And I've got two new silver coins. That's eight silver coins. And gee, I like to get those silver coins out and look at them, touch them, think about. You know, it's so much better to have silver, something real and meaningful, over and above something like, say, you know, cash, which could be devalued at any moment. But I look at my silver coins and I think, well, those could be melted down to form a kettle or a... Actually, there's not enough of them to make a kettle. Certainly, several rings.

Oh, yes, just think about that. Of course, at some point, they'll be melted down to form a boat. So I bought the silver, two new silver coins. I had a little walk around the Adelaide Silver Buying District. I don't expect to make that a habit of taking my money. Really, I mean, that tax money is meant to be looking after my family. But we've been broke for so long, and the rush of buying silver was so strong. Oh, we're going through a weird mental space this week. I'm trying to sort out my visa for America.

More on that at another time. But anyway, so I bought a couple extra silver coins. Won't do that in general. We're just going to focus on the YouTube. Now, number four, growing the YouTube. What do you think? Maybe I could do a new video about my silver coins. I'm sure people would.

Wouldn't that be a wonderful ouroboric situation where I make YouTube videos about buying silver coins? And if they were successful enough, Ooh, like if, yes, if they made $44, is what the coin cost this time around, $44 income on a video about buying a silver coin, then every time I buy a silver coin, I can make a new video about it. And that would get me more money for a silver coin. Then every time I buy a silver coin, I can make a new video about it. And that would get me more money for another silver coin. And then it's just a perpetual motion machine where the only fuel, I guess it's closer to say it's a combustion engine, because it still does require a fuel, but the fuel would just be me talking about my new coin.

are me talking about my new coin. That sounds so dumb and not in a fun and interesting way. I hate the words that are coming out of my mouth. Gee, I'd love to put a sandwich into that mouth, but it's now close enough to dinner that I'll spoil my dinner. Oh, I'm going to eat dinner tonight. I can really see, this is my first experience with not eating. I never really go in for not eating but today yes for the first time rather than just not eating and feeling like hungry and tired i

feel powerful i feel like i'm in control every day i'm so out of control everything else is being done to me there's no time there's all these people taking away from me. And now, after not having eaten for maybe 14 hours, which is not, you know, if you take a long nap and forget breakfast, that'll do it. I feel this power. I feel like I'm in control of my body. Wow. This is what it's like to be a teenage girl whose parents are getting a divorce. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone by a tween.

Facebook is like a node. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com This is nice!

Obviously the end result, very bad after a long time of doing it, but I get it. I don't think I'll be getting it for very long. I don't have the temperament to hold out for this. Anorexia, hello! So how are we going to increase the YouTube reach? Well, in good news, the Patreon has swollen to $422 a month. Which, man, when I think about that in terms of how many silver coins that is, that's almost 10.

Oh, I could just have 10 silver coins every month. Imagine that. Imagine if all I do, I just stop making any content. You know? And then just hopefully there's a low atrophy rate of people deleting the Patreon. But then every month I turn up and I get 10 silver coins. And then it's only a thousand months before I have a boat. And what's that?

A hundred years? We do have to keep making the content. $422 a month is what we've got at the moment. So, yes, with the YouTube, and that money really goes to Sam Clark and expenses for making YouTube content. So at the moment, the YouTube content is only $79 per month, and that's going on the silver coins.

So, I mean, if I wasn't buying the silver coins, we'd be operating on a deficit of $343 a month. And that's no way to buy a boat. So we've got to make that YouTube bigger and stronger. And part of that, I think, is making videos that people want to see. Possibly videos where I talk about my anorexia journey. Excuse me. Man, that would be... I mean, that would get so many views if I'm a fat man and I make a video going, I've decided to become anorexic.

I mean, I know people would say, this is very tasteless. And I would say, this is very tasteless. And I'd say, it's very tasteless indeed, I'm not eating anything. Wow. And then it's just alternating every week. I do a video about my anorexia, and then I do a second video about all my silver coins. Ooh, this is starting to feel like a French film, and less like a life that anyone wants to lead. Imagine if I managed to turn around it from here and have a successful political career. All right. So we're going to

make the YouTube more powerful. We're going to close the gap to say something that I'll be saying when I'm the prime minister, as well as now with my YouTube channel. Let's close the gap. Lots more videos coming out soon. I've written all these poems. This is number five. Point number five, episode 89, point number five, my new book of poems has arrived. The draft copy of my book of poems, my proof has come through. The type setting, typeface, it all looks good. The thickness is good. I'm just waiting on a couple of people to write some introductions to the book. I've got one introduction already by the great Tom Sullivan, who's a real poet and was very, very kind. And so I'll be doing, I'm going to record a series of videos. Sam Clark, first mate at the moment, is currently building a set in his garage to make it look like a beautiful, cozy room.

And he actually has a beautiful, cozy room inside his house. But it's weird. You shoot a beautiful, cozy room. It doesn't feel like that. You have to make a set that looks like a cozy room. And that is more powerful. And then I will read my poem. So what it'll be, the video will be, I'll read a a poem and i'll tell people where they can buy the poetry book and

then not only will we be getting money on the youtube from people watching the poem but also if they love the poem maybe they'll go out and buy the book and then even more money comes in and then i can have even more silver you know know, the old Native American saying, you know, when the last river has gone dry, when the last tree has died, only then will you realize, white man, that you cannot eat money. And to that I say, I don't care if I'm eating money or not, I'm going to become an anorexic. Ha ha! It's win, win. Lose. Starts out win, win. And there's a very big, strong lose when you're dying. I love food. I love food too much to, uh, I actually, I did try and go and buy lunch. I'm making a big thing about purposefully trying to become anorexic to lose weight, but I did, I did go and there's a cafe

across the way and just all the good things had meat in them and it's Friday. And then I thought, well, it's penitential, but it's not so penitential a day that I would eat a vegan sausage roll. A, not even a vegetarian sausage roll with the added benefit of some cheese and eggs, but a vegan sausage roll. Can you imagine? I was a vegetarian for many years growing up. My family was vegetarian. Many of them still are. And then I moved out of home and I was very poor. And I remember I was at a subway that got me to first become a meat eater again, because the no-meat option cost the same as the ham option or the pizza sub option. And just for thrift alone, I started eating the meat.

And I think I had run out by that point of arguments against eating meat. And I was, excuse me, a family has just come out of one of the terrace houses. They're walking past my car. It's a young lady, very, very far from anorexic, if you know what I'm saying. And two quite old people. They might be her grandparents. They might be her parents and maybe they just got a late start. She's in those teen years. I guess that's who lives there.

I guess that's the sort of... Maybe she's come to visit for the day. Oh, these absolutely... These baby boomers and their hideous architecture honestly i don't go in for generational hate i think the baby boomers have contributed a lot i think every generation is full of good people and bad people you know what they've done to architecture cannot be forgiven. They've added, you can say with music, with cinema, that the Baby Boomers added something new and exciting. But in the realm of architecture, they've done nothing but take at the point of a knife.

Ooh, it drives me insane. Excuse me, all right, what was I saying? My book of poems arrived. So we'll be making the content for the book of poems. That's number five. And the penultimate thing on the list is, so we're going to America. Going to America. We're going to live there from January for an unknown amount of time.

I think we're just going to see how it goes is my current approach to it. But on the way to America, we're going to go to New Zealand for a number of time. I think we're just going to see how it goes is my current approach to it. But on the way to America, we're going to go to New Zealand for a number of weeks. And we're going to spend Christmas with my wife's family. And that'll be so nice. It'll be good for the kids. It'll be good for my wife's family. And that'll be very tender, happy time. And it's enough time out now. It's about four months away, three months away, that I thought, well, should we start building a New Zealand audience? Because now I could at least do a show. Now, we have about three people who regularly listen in New Zealand. And I know I was working very hard on having a Canadian audience.

And by the way, that did sort of work. We did manage to grow the number of people in Canada. And when I'm over in America, you better believe I'll be popping over to Saskatoon for some of the best comedy show you've ever even heard of, brother and sister and everybody in between. But in New Zealand, we've not really built up an audience. And it would be nice to do that. So I thought, okay, open hearts, open minds.

I'm just thinking about it. I'll talk more about it next week. I think next week I might even have a special New Zealand themed episode. Thinking about, oh, and just imagine, imagine how skinny I'll be for next week's episode. Rolling in silver, rolled silver. Open next week to a discussion on New Zealand. How we build a big audience there. I think we'll mostly be in the South Island, but I could probably pop up

to the North Island for a night or two and do a gig in Welly, or A-Town, if that's what they call Auckland. But certainly Chucha, Dunners, Greymouth, Invercargill Queenstown

I know the names of many places Palmerston North I think that's in the North Island That would make sense The Bay of Plenty Is there a Bay of Scarcity, I wonder I'm just broadly thinking that would be a good So to recap

Number one, I'm going on tour Tickets on sale now for an Adelaide show this Wednesday and Melbourne 21st September. Wagga Wagga on the 22nd, maybe, in the backyard and Sydney the 23rd. Then we talked about the boat progress and we made $18 last week on the YouTube. Thank you for everybody watching the YouTube.

And I said I bought some silver coins anyway. Yes, I did. Number four, increasing the YouTube reach. Thank you for everyone who's joined the Patreon. We've cracked $400 and that's a real joy. We're going to close the gap. We've got the new book of poems and we're thinking about New Zealand. And now the final thing on the menu for the show, it's a fresh new song. Thank you. Hey, it's Mitch from SideNote Podcast, and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 powered by Gemini. Anyone who knows me knows the Pixel has always been my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had. Now, with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant.

Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails, I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help and bam, instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture.

But when I have questions, I get to phone by a tween. Facebook is like a node. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.