The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Autotune

Episode Date: January 13, 2025

BEHOLD crowd PLEASURE: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=60V4Oza0v3AMILWAUKEE: Wednesday, January 15, ImprovCHICAGO: January 16-18, ZaniesCLEVELAND: January 19, HilaritiesHERE IS WHERE YOU CANCome to the gigs: https://www.jdfmccann.com/gigsBuy the book: https://www.jdfmccann.com/booksListen to the album on Spotify: https://open.spotify.com/artist/2AmTKUd2n9VwRgzQHfr7rAJoin the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, you'll look, you'll find a way. Peloton Home! If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether

you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need. Whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at OnePeloton.ca. Getting dressed should be simple. If you're like me, you want to look good, feel comfortable, and be ready for anything. That's why I love Dürer. It's not active wear, but it's not just fashion. It's the best of both worlds, where performance meets style. I wear my Dürer pants to work, out with friends, on hiking trails, and everywhere in between. If you haven't tried Dewar, you've got to

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Stay in the know. Download the free CBC News app or visit cbcnews.ca. I've just figured out how to use autotune. In Logic Pro, I do my podcast. And I'm not gonna do it forever. And I'm not gonna do it forever But I'm gonna do it for way too long And it's gonna make our podcast much worse than it usually is

I don't know, I don't know, I don't know how long people can bear listening to me sing like this With the autotune on Logic Pro that I've got for 26 more days on trial And then I have to make a decision as to whether or not I go back to GarageBand Or if this is the new way to do the podcast. And I'm happy to pay whatever it costs. Ooh. Oh, I reckon one minute is probably quite a lot. I'm not going to stop. I changed my mind.

This is the whole podcast now. Podcast. Very American. Podcast. I'm in Denver. I'm in a beautiful condo that they put you up in when you stay in Denver and do the comedy works Nick Mullin filmed Year of the Dragon here One of the best skanks for the memories was also filmed here Filmed or recorded here I don't know if there's a video version

I don't think there is I don know if there's a video version. I don't think there is. I don't think there's a video version I just tried to look for it, and I couldn't find one. It's not there. Also is described in Sam Talen's book Running the light by Sam Talen. I suggest reading it if you can I don't know if it's still on sale or if it's on embargo because he's got a proper book deal I'm so proud of my friend. Last night I was in Dallas at an arena opening for Shane Gillis.

Man, he bears the weight of the world so beautifully. You never met anyone who can handle that kind of pressure and not get weird or nasty about it. If I was the one who had to worry about selling 20,000 tickets in Dallas, I'd be kicking walls in T-T-M-M-Z. We'd be writing stories about me being nasty to people. Cat Williams times a thousand. I'd be a little worried about singing so loud because it's 10.56.

I'd be so worried if I was having my name on the stadium show. I did a ComedyWorks in Denver tonight. I did a ComedyWorks in Denver tonight. I did just under 300 people at the ComedyWorks in Denver tonight, and I was going crazy and was, well, no one was around, but I would have been unpleasant if they were. And my friend Shane does so much so incredibly, and he's calm and in control. And I'm proud of him. I released a crowd work comedy special it's called crowd pleasure is out now on YouTube and I must say maybe it was a

mistake to do a on-purpose bad crowd work special before releasing a special in America of actual good comedy because now some people are going there and they're saying this guy's not good and some people are saying maybe this is a meta thing it is a meta thing and thank you to everybody who gets it, likes it, shares it, and even all the people who don't. Thank you too. I still get advertising money from you. Ooh, man.

Man, oh man. Four minutes might be the limit. Man, man oh man. Four minutes might be the limit. We've got to believe, we've got to make this a meta thing too. This has to go for the full 20 minutes and I don't know how many overdubs I'm gonna manage to do. Cause there's lots more work to do in an overdub. Overdub Overdub

I've been playing Crusader Kings 3 I've been picking different places in the world to start a family and take over that world From Ireland to Russia to France I'm not very good at Crusade of Kings 3 I think I have to stop because it's taking up a lot of time and it's fine when I'm on the road it's okay when I'm on the road it's not the worst thing that I could be doing when I go on the road it's not blow it's not coke that's the same drug Jim, it's not coke. That's the same drug, Jimmit. It's not a prostitute.

It's a video game and maybe that's just as damaging in the long term. So I suspect at least you get an interesting story if you get hooked on heroin, you say, I was on heroin. And people say, ooh, what was that like? Took a lot of naps. Hey! Had a lot of sex for money for heroin that I didn't want to have. Obviously, I wanted the heroin.

It's the sex that I had a problem with. What an interesting story. Thanks for sharing your heroine tale But if you say I was playing video games, they say what was that like? You say I don't know, there's virtually nothing I can say that would be interesting that happened to me when I was playing video games I just sat down and then four hours were gone and I wish I had that time back I brought a book with me by Gaddis. I'm reading Agapeo, and it was good.

And then I stopped reading it because I started playing Crusader Kings III. And now I gotta do a podcast so I'm not reading it either. Now I gotta do a podcast so I'm not reading it either. And I've gotta get up at five in the morning to go to New York, spend two days in New York, and then I'm going to Milwaukee. One night in Milwaukee, then I'm coming to Chicago. One night in Chicago, then another night in Chicago,

then another night in Chicago, then Cleveland, then home. Tickets on sale now. J-D-F-M-C-C-A-N-N dot com slash gigs. There's a shorter version of that website that I should think about getting, so that it's easier to find and get to the gigs. Thank you. Thank you. Can we put this in a monarchy?

Ooh, now we can get a bit dark and moody. I think that's the thing that's going to give us life, give us feeling and development as we're moving to the second, more minor, more sad, more mournful, wistful type part of the podcast. I miss my kids, I miss my wife, I miss so many things and I know that we're a pilgrim church, but this is silly Oooh, it's Sunday and I went to a church in Denver Denver I went to Denver, went to Mass in Denver

I went to a Mass in Denver Church was very beautiful But there was a guitar and there was a piano And there was some groovy type of singing And at one point I thought, hey! Oh! No! They're doing the holy, holy, holies And it feels groovy

And I did not like that one bit I thought it was inappropriate. The spirit of Vatican II is a problem. I don't have any problem with the text of Vatican II. I haven't read that much. I just don't like when people take a document, say it's a living document. There are no living documents. Documents are dead.

Documents say what the documents said. Constitutions and Vatican too. Just take what it says. Interpret the words logically from the perspective of the people who wrote it. Don't screw around with interpretation. What if somebody said James? What if somebody said James? I don't think he meant this to be a podcast about having a boat. It was a metaphor for something else. No No It was a boat Good news coming on a number of fronts so many fronts so much good news so much good news coming on so many fronts Oh, there's a lot of good podcast news lots of good podcast news for you. Lots of good podcast news

What kind of news I'll tell you what kind of news that we got for you on the podcast Graphic novel is underweight Board game is coming soon. The next episode is all about bringing a board game to you Now that I've done this long it would be weird and sad and embarrassing to stop but weird and sad and embarrassing to stop But weird and sad and embarrassing to keep going Maybe we could just mix it up. Maybe I could sing a little faster. Maybe I could sing like this. Whoo-hoo I know that some bands just have a big jam session and then they cut the best bits out. Maybe that's how I'm gonna come up with my very next album.

There's gonna be some of that. And guess what? I guess it's a shorter episode this week no we'll just keep it going we'll just keep the autogene on and we'll give you we'll get you that we'll get to the end we'll get it right to the end I'm going to New York and I'm hopefully gonna do some podcasts with some interesting people I've only been alone for one day and I'm going out of my mind. I'm going absolutely crazy. Sing- I'm so sorry that I discovered the auto-tune setting. I am sorry that I found out that this is something I can do.

Just cause you can doesn't mean you should Sometimes you've got to have wisdom That's not the virtue I would say I have the most I don't know which virtue I have in spades No, that's not I need it to go to seven we're gonna get this to a more jazzy type. But hold on. Ooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo I read one of my, not reading that poem, not that one, not that one. I was trying to, Rolls Royce is a gift you give to all the third world poor. Shoeless hunger is a travesty, but imagine how much more sad no shoe, no food having persons would hypothetically be if all the world's Rolls Royces disappeared suddenly actually with a if you sing that that's it's like an it's like an old British Rolls Royce is a

gift you give to all the third world poor shoeless hunger is a travesty but imagine how much more sad no shoot no food having persons would hypothetically be If all of the world's Rolls Royces disappeared suddenly That could be like that, couldn't it? There's eight versions of that and I didn't like any of them That's so many versions of that that I'm scrolling past on my phone Doesn't that break your heart? Don't Rolls Royce's just existing? Make life slightly better, at least? Not all the versions rhymed early on.

But I remember when I, I remember when I, I remember when I, I remember. I didn't learn to drive until I was a much older man. Than all my friends were when they learned how to drive other people started driving at 16 I started driving at 27 I didn't need to drive I had a bicycle and a bus pass and an uber and a mom a mom bicycle and a bus pass and an uber and a mom and they get me where I need to go and I had lots of fun I didn't need drive didn't need license people made fun of me for it but I didn't care I could get everywhere and then I had a child and I thought oh I'd better

get a driver's license in case someone needs to go to the hospital so I got my driver's license when I was a slightly older before I got a driver's license when I was a slightly older. Before I got a driver's license I'd look at all the cars like Range Rovers. I'd look around at all the cars and I would get real sad. I'd think about how none of them were Rolls Royces. I love Rolls Royces, they're a beautiful kind of car. They drive very far and smoothly I don't think I've ever been in one and I had a vision when I was about 24 working door-to-door sales selling

foxtails dow to dow and I look at the car I wouldn't actually see Rolls Royces I'd look at at the cars on the highway, on the way to the places where I'd knock on doors and try to sell Fox Tail that day. Fox Tail's like cable television. I'd try to sell Fox Tail that day. That's what we call cable television in Australia. And I'd look at all the cars on the freeway on the road.

Well, if it's a road, if it's a freeway, it's a road. What's one of these non-road having freeways? I'd look out on cars on the freeway where we drive, and I would see a vision where they would all be screaming at me. They'd all be screaming at me that they wanted to be Rolls-Royces, and they weren't Rolls-Royces, and they were sad about it. And I thought, if I get a car, I'm just driving Rolls-Royces. That's the right car to drive.

That's what all cars want. All cars want to be in the Rolls Royce family tree. Other, yes, I would see real fancy, nice cars. BMW, BMW's, Mercedes, Ford, Toyota. You know, that would be easy to add. If this was a real song, it would be easy to put actual rhymes and there's so many. Great Wall and Kia.

Whatever, I'm not going to do it now. Cadillac and Kia. Mercedes, BMW. Volkswagen. Man, not a lot of car names rhyme. Chevrolet. Spent so much time thinking about it that I'd be late for work that day.

I'd look out at the cars and they'd scream at me. They wanted to be part of the Rolls-Royce family tree. The Rolls-Royce is so beautiful and these cars simply are not. And I thought, I would really think it's just a matter of efficiency and money that a Rolls-Royce is what a car's meant to be and these cars are just being what they have to be Because there's not enough money All of the cars want to be Rolls-Royce is the car that the other cars want to be but no one makes them like that because they don't have the money

Again, I I don't know if this is something or if it's just that I've been awake for a long time I have to get up at 5. I better sleep on this plane or I'm gonna be in trouble Anyways, I was like, I know I'll just get a Rolls Royce if I get a car because that's obviously you know when you don't account for economies and Shortcuts, that's what it's meant to be. but now I'm older and wiser and I certainly don't have Rolls-Royce money but I think would I actually buy a Rolls-Royce? Probably not. It seems like a total way you can get yourself a Toyota and they run much much better. Toyota and better is not the best rhyme we've ever come up with here on the Jams,ools McGann catamaran plan. The best rhyme of course is the title of the show.

There's nothing wrong with a Toyota. I guess I realize that a Toyota is an end in itself. A Toyota, you know, I used to, I mean I had a lot of notions of that kind. I had a lot of insight. I read Ayn Rand when I was young and that did something to my brain. I'd walk around Adelaide town without a penny to my name and I'd say, I'm going to build skyscrapers, I'm going to own a train. Rolls Royces are the future. My name is James McKeon. And now I'd just much rather go to sleep more than anything in the world I love you I miss you I want you I need you catamaran ho catamaran oh we could actually probably there's some affirmations at the end, don't have that much. Affirmation!

Affirmation! I promise I'm, I was gonna promise that I wouldn't do an auto-tune podcast again, but I cannot make that promise, cause it actually feels pretty good right now. We'll see what the feedback is, eh? Oh, I love that. Affirmation.

I'm gonna take care of myself while I'm out here on the road. Gonna do some beautiful podcasts with lots of podcasts, podcasts, with lots of different folks. And I have them on my podcast when the time comes, I'd rather simply have to go to sleep and we're running down the clock. We basically got there. We basically got there.

Look, my, in the words of Conan O'Brien are mangled through years of memory and not seeing the clip. My congratulations to anybody who stayed in there till the end. A heroic effort. I hope I've made your time at the gym or cleaning the house or driving a little. or driving? A little? I hope the time passed a little quicker, although maybe that's all a podcast can do, is make the time... Is all a podcast can do, make the time pass quicker? Is this the sickness in all of us?

Yeah. Is this what Cadus is trying to explain in the first three pages of Agape Agape? Is this why Crusader Kings 3 is a horrendous mistake? Oh, we're tying up the ends, we're tying up the knots with the loose bits, they're all coming together. I love you, I miss you, I want you, I need you. Canna Marano, goodbye! and oh goodbye. Getting dressed should be simple. If you're like me, you want to look good, feel comfortable, and be ready for anything.

That's why I love Dürer. It's not active wear, but it's not just fashion. It's the best of both worlds, where performance meets style. I wear my Dürer pants to work, out with friends, on hiking trails, and everywhere in between. If you haven't tried Dürer, you've got to feel the difference for yourself. Head to dürer.ca slash comfort and get 20% off your first purchase today. That's dürer.ca slash comfort and get 20% off your first purchase today. That's Doer.ca slash comfort. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime.

Police have warned. The protesters repeatedly get back. CBC News brings the story to you live. Hundreds of wildfires are burning. Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canada. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know.

Download the free CBC News app or visit cbcnews.ca.