The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Boat Reveal ft. Nate Marshall

Episode Date: April 9, 2025

Especial thanks to Ben Domenech who you can find on the twitter/x: https://x.com/bdomenechHere is Nate on the gram: https://www.instagram.com/isthatnatemarshall/Headline comedy shows on sale now: www.jdfmccann.com/gigsPORTLAND, OR - MAY 14TH - HELIUM COMEDY CLUBSEATTLE, WA - MAY 15TH - EMERALD CITY COMEDY CLUBCOLUMBUS, OH - JUNE 4TH - COLUMBUS FUNNY BONELIBERTY TOWNSHIP, OH - JUNE 5TH - CINCINNATI FUNNY BONEOMAHA, NE - JUNE 11TH - OMAHA FUNNY BONEDES MOINES, IA - JUNE 12TH - DES MOINES FUNNY BONEATLANTA, GA - JUNE 18TH - HELIUM COMEDY CLUBRALEIGH, NC - JUNE 19TH - GOODNIGHTS COMEDY CLUBPHILADELPHIA, PA - JUNE 24TH -HELIUM COMEDY CLUBHOMESTEAD, PA - JUNE 25TH, 2025 - IMPROV PITTSBURGH Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, you'll look, you'll find a way. Catamaran home! Chat chat, Ben Simmons. Ben, yeah, well look. Ben Simmons. My understand- I hear two different stories.

The Australians say that the Philly people were so mean to Ben Simmons that he developed a back issue. And the Philly people say he's such a weak man that they tried to love him. That's the thing, the reason Philly hates Ben Simmons is now is because we loved him so much. You don't hate something that much. Number one draft pick all the way from Australia.

He had a documentary before. Light skinned black guy. The NBA wanted him to be the face of the league. You understand, like having a billion dollar industry want you to be its face and then you don't work hard enough to, you don't even give it a shot at being a face. You know what I mean? Devastating.

Yeah, but like I know you, your mindset mindset wouldn't even if you knew something was like James we're trying to do a thing for you we're trying to make you the guy you're you work. Yes. Yeah you know what I mean? Did he just did he get lazy or did he get unhinged like? I think he was lazy. Okay. His biggest problem was he didn't he was a super athletic he had like natural like a

physical his body was made for basketball. You don't think skills wise he was putting in the work? He was not on the thing that he wasn't good at. He wasn't good at shooting and he never tried to get better. That's fairly important in basketball. It's like one of the most important skills and in this position he wanted to play. I don't think he does it for other teams now but when he was playing for us he was our point guard. He wanted to be like Magic Johnson, which is like a tall, like taller than usual point guard.

He was like 6'9", 6'10", he's a giant. That guy is usually like Steph Curry, like 6'2", 6'3". Yeah. But that guy has to shoot. That guy has to shoot, that's his job. That would be longevity in that position. If you're worried about your body falling apart, that's the job you want.

And he never even tried to get a jump shot. He had legends. There was an interview of Kobe after he was retired. They asked him about people he think are good or something. They brought up Ben Simmons. He was like, he's got to get a jump shot. If Chappelle was like,

I like how you write your jokes, you got to get your act outs together. I'd be like, all right. I'll work on that. I'll work on that. But I find, I mean, this is, there's a lot of, the only basketball player whose career I followed was Zion Williams. Yeah. Cause I watched him and I thought, he's big. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I like that. I like that fat guy. He's's fat and he still can jump people said he's so fat yeah he's got to be a little his knees won't be able to take that after a while yeah and lo and behold he cannot play more than a couple games he can't lose the weight I don't know if it's his body or if it's his mind

cuz he games I think it might be the mind because I've heard about how he carries on with the ladies yeah and I think that might be the mind because I've heard about how he carries on with the ladies Yeah, and I think that man might have some insatiable appetites But we should mention we're on a boat. Oh, yeah. Yeah for people not with the video We are on my boat at the back of my house And I felt like I didn't know how to explain that there was a boat now to people so I'm happy to have here Nate the great Nate Marsh. Oh, this is the boat reveal. This is a boat reveal So I'm happy to have here Nate, the great Nate Marsh. Oh, this is the boat reveal. This is a boat reveal.

Oh. People don't know about the boat yet. This is not the final boat. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But it's a A boat. It's not a catamaran. Oh, before I go on, because there's drop off on people, you know, people like start watching it

and then they get busy. Yeah, yeah. Do you have any dates you want to share? No. All right. Oh, yeah. Just always optimal noctus at Creek in the Cave. First Tuesday every month, me, LaMare Lamar Lee Sean Gardini James comes all the time

It's true. I've been there a couple times Shade and you can say the mad drop in sometimes. It's worth a ticket admission I'm doing my first big tour. Hell you a lot of dates. Yes, Portland, May 14, Seattle May 15 Columbus June 4 Cincinnati June 5 Omaha June 11 Des Moinesines. You doing Portland Helium? June 12, I believe so. Sick. Atlanta June 18, I was hoping to do the Juneteenth gig at Atlanta, but it's a one day off. You can't.

Ray Lee. You're not allowed. I'll be doing the Ray Lee Juneteenth. Unless you bring me. June 19. Happy to bring you on as many of these as you wanna go on. You're the best man to travel with that I've ever traveled with.

Philadelphia. Philadelphia June 24, Pittsburgh June 25. Hors I've never traveled with. Philadelphia. Philadelphia, June 24, Pittsburgh, June 25. Horses Don't Stop Tour. Yeah. Because I wrote a joke about it. And then I saw that guy, I don't know if you saw it, a guy had Horses Don't Stop tattooed on his back because of the Young Thug lyric.

Yeah. And Young Thug came out and said, I'm not saying that. I'm saying hustlers. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I remember you telling me about that. It's just happened this week someone had a tattoo on their back after the tour got announced. Wasn't that almost a special?

I almost got it. And then it was like, you don't mention that at any point during the comedy piece. I was like, all right, fine, I'll do it on the next one. All right, a whole bit about it. I'm horse-obsessed. It will be a title. I feel like it's a title. I mean, it's so much better than Hustlers Don't Stop.

Come and see the show! But not how you yell to the camera that's far away. No one's doing the faraway camera the way that I'm doing it. No, this is original. We keep it very very original. I think the best way to explain the boat is if you ask questions and I'll try and answer them as best I can all right, how did you cuz You have so no one knows that you sail you I don't even know if this is a sailboat This is a sailing cat. It's like a learning catamaran. Oh, this is a catamaran. This is a catamaran Yeah, I wanted like a $500,000 catamaran, but this is like a

The man who gave to me Ben Dominech gave it to me. Does he know you from the pod and stuff? Yeah. He had a catamaran? He listened to the pod and I heard him years ago cause he used to run a website called The Federalist. Yeah. Which is a nice center right publication. Is this okay if I'm doing my foot? I don't know.

Right? No, I'd say go for it. Any weight distribution we can get to not dip this thing. He was a fan of the pod and he booked me for a gig. He's in Washington, DC. And it was like a pro-life charity gig. I didn't take any, I was just like, I'll just come and do it.

And I got there and he said, I got you a boat. I was like, oh, how do I get that back? He said, I thought you were driving because last minute I decided not to drive. Yeah. So it was just a boat sitting in his house for several months. And he started to get onto me and say, my wife is starting to get a little bit annoyed. Now my wife gets to be annoyed. So your wife pisses about the boat? She's like, can we get it in the garage? Well, do you have your whip in the

garage? I know the whip is have your whip in the garage? Ah, no, the whip is out front. Okay, I didn't see it. There's just junk in the garage. I'm trying to make it work. But yeah, so I, this was the start of my big touring thing that hasn't stopped, because I just got back from Indianapolis and Cincinnati and New York,

and then before that I had two days off, and then it was London for a week, and then before that I drove the boat back. I flew to Washington and we drove the boat back. Was that terrifying? Oh you drove it back? Yeah, no, we put it on the back of a truck. Yeah, you know what I'll be honest. It was terrifying. I'll be honest I am just now realizing in this moment. I thought you took I thought you boated. When you first ever said that you. That's important for you to clarify.

I thought, cause you got it and said like, you said Tennessee, right? It always stopped in Tennessee, yeah. Okay, I thought. I had to leave it overnight at Zany's. Yeah. In the parking lot. And they just were like fine.

She was staying in a motel in a bad neighborhood. And was like, I don't think we can leave the boat here. I was like I thought I was at the motel Oh, you and the family it wasn't because of Xanis or was it cuz it's not so the family was I left the family and I flew to Washington yeah, we hitched the boat up next morning Yeah, and we drove like 20 hours that's across the country to bring this boat back here, and it's an incredible It's such a generous gift. I also don't know how to, at first I thought,

what's happening? Is this an America thing? People just give you boats? But he's a fan, he said he wanted me to get some sailing experience. Oh, you said he put on the pro-life thing? He put on the pro-life gig. I think people, like, I was about to cuss.

It's a bit ironic, because I'm about to die on this boat. I've never taken this boat out. I do think people probably I was about to cut ironic cuz I'm about to die on this boat I Do think people probably gravitate today because there's not a lot of people I mean, it's not like you are clean comedy But yeah are very hourly Christian and that's not a thing anymore And I think that people not gonna go clean with that if you're gonna do I mean professionally, it's a huge mistake. I See these I see the clean boys I mean professionally it's a huge mistake. I see these I see the clean boys I think that's what people like about you know, yeah, cuz cuz it's like you know, we're all flawed thing

Yeah, well, you're not trying to pretend to be perfect. Like I don't cuss just like I don't know why that I cuss It's nothing. I don't think there's anything scriptural even says I shouldn't cast I bet you guys cuss He's been so he's been mad enough to destroy up on that cross They were taking the final words as the nail went through the hand. We'll leave that one out He got stabbed in his stomach. It didn't go shit. He might and I you know what I think it would have been fine Yeah, I don't think that would be outside the realm I mean if he can say my god why have you forsaken me if you can say take this cup away if he can express Distressed in another ways at least he would have

let out a bit. Oh yeah. Oh shhh. Come on. You wouldn't get angry with the guy poking vinegar in your face while you're up on the crossfire. How about some water? I didn't touch it.

What is this part? This is the sail I'm getting. Yeah, now this makes it very hard to store as well. This will never fit in a shit garage. So what about a catamaran? Why'd you want a catamaran as opposed to, because now that I know that a catamaran is not a boat that you sit in with seats and shit.

Yeah, well it can be. It's just any two-hulled sea vehicle. I don't know if that would work for you. So like the $500,000 catamaran. I want a fancy one. With like, you know. Yeah, okay. Spear fishing and a barbecue pit.

What's your ideal catamaran day? You have the catamaran of your dream. This is a great catamaran. It's such a great catamaran. I don't wanna knock this catamaran for one second. Or even this catamaran. And important to learn on this catamaran so that I can, you know.

Not crash the nice one? Man, I'm gonna crash the nice one. Ah ha. Yo, that be on a seeking catamaran so that I can you know crash the nice one man I'm gonna crash the nice one. Be on a seeking catamaran after all of it. Yeah the podcast goes for three years and then I die immediately. Downloads go through the roof after that point. The family will eat good. Oh yeah everything goes behind the patreon. Don't subscribe from the patreon when I die. It's uh I don't know Patreon when I die. I was in lockdown, I was watching a lot of family vloggers and people on boats and things and there was sailing La Vega Banda who were wonderful. I thought I'd like that and I just thought I could use all my ADHD and just group them all together and push them towards the you know, yeah

Why are you starting the sock company? Why are you doing an art auction? Why you got a book of poems? Why are you doing stand-up comedy? I could just say it's for the boat It's all for the boat and now I have the boat and then I could just say at this point This is the boat. It's over you do But you you got a catamaran of your dreams. Well, people have been contributing financially to the Patreon. Yeah, yeah. So I do have to go and get the catamaran of the dreams,

but this is a wonderful... Ben, thank you. We gotta... I gotta talk about the drive. Shout out, Ben. If anyone else wants to buy me, at this point I could probably use some new socks and this hot sauce that I had for the first time

in Cincinnati. Yeah, I got these in Salt Lake City Blue socks is a choice. Well, I was not When you're on the road and you need socks because you stinky. Yeah, you got to make some Man I find it very hard not to dip into slight black scent things when talking to black people I've caught myself doing it. I gotta get me some of them shit, I want you to know this, I've caught myself doing it twice. I gotta get me some of them socks. Shatta. I find it, and white people must do this all the time,

and black people must notice. What? That when white people, just over the course of a conversation, start going, damn. The white people in my life don't do it, maybe Gardini, but I think he kinda talks like that. He's a quiet son. Like he'll hit a shit organically no matter what.

I don't think that's cause I'm around. That's part of him, that's who he is deep down. Yeah, so the white people I'm around though, and I feel like comedy white people are around, I am terrified of bees, so if you see me start. I think that's a wasp, don't worry about it. Makes it actually worse, they're the mean ones, he won't die when he stings me.

What I'm shocked by, yeah, comedy people spend time comedy whites. Yeah in America spent a lot of time with the comedy blacks Yeah, and I'm discovering the longer. I'm here that that's quite strange in an American context There's not a lot of like if I look at other parts of my life where I would hang out with black people Yeah, comedy is one of the very few areas, I would be comedy and sports, and like maybe music, that seems more. And music is still, it gets like this, like are we hanging out together?

You know what I mean? Do you really wanna go to this show? Like I've gone to shows that I would never go through. I've been to like hardcore shows with, have you met Andy? It's Andy's last name. Malafarena. Did he move here?

Yeah, he finally moved here. Yeah, when you came into our party, we just met a little Mary. He's here now. I don't think I've met Andy, but I'm looking forward to meeting him. I'm sorry if I have Andy. No, you didn't. I look forward to it. I feel like you will remember me.

Ah, were you here on 4th of July? No. Okay, then no. No, I wasn't here. But I will be here I think for this 4th of July. Yeah, yeah hopefully we do the same thing we did last time. Just get... Send it up.

Yeah. I'm gonna talk extra white. I start talking like the American whites when I talk to them. I just have like a very sticky accent. I feel like your accent probably makes you, like if you could lock into it and not do that, it would probably make... It would be better. It would be better.

I feel like people will be like, I want this guy around, he sounds different. It would be a mistake for me to lose this unique, with wogs in Australia, if I hang out with Italians, I start talking like the Italians. That's what you're called, Italians? Yeah. Wogs.

In the UK, you're not allowed to use that word. That means a different group of people. Who is it there? I think that's black guys. Oh. And it's very bad, but in Australia, it's just like Greeks, Italians. Is it like black people, like American black people,

or is it like black people, like African black people? I think like Jamaica black people. Okay. Because they had, that's where their black people came from, I think is like the Commonwealth countries. Commonwealth, see? Common. It's also being tied.

Yeah, this was the early morning, and I still was late. Thank you for doing the early morning part. This was the only time my family was out of the house. I tried doing a podcast yesterday. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ah, all right, I gotta talk about the drive. We drove, we saw the, I don't know if you've watched on the Simpsons when they go to Knoxville

and they go to the Sunsphere. They think like the World's Fairs there. Yeah. And there's, they go, there's the Sunsphere and then it's all the Lappadans. How old is this one? It's an old one. It's when Martin, Nelson, Bart, and Milhouse rent a car. And they go and see, they go to Branson

and they see Andy Williams singing Moon River. Okay, I don't remember this one. No one remembers this episode. This is very strange, it meant a lot to me. But I got to go and see the Sunsphere, which is this thing, and it was actually really nice. Yeah, hell yeah. So you drove the boat.

Memphis, we drove past the Bass Pro Shop, that's a pyramid. Yeah. It was like the actual mecca of Bass Pro. It's the one I see on memes all the time, where people go. Did you go in? No, we had to keep driving.

Also, parking with this boat was, going through a McDonald's with this boat was not fun. What did you haul it with? We rented a truck. Okay, okay. Like a pickup? We had a pickup truck. And I only a couple hours in let.

Where is the sale in here? Yes, so the actual sale is in there. This is the mast. Okay, I didn't know if it was open. You know, I got no boat knowledge. Man, I don't know if it's open. Yeah, you know, I don't know Man, I I don't know what to do How do I go from having a boat behind my house into actually having it on the water? You got to befriend one of these rich Austin guys that has a boat as a place

I believe Eve Ellen Bergen as a New York Jewess, yeah took sailing lessons. So I might ask Eve to take me out. She likes you, you think she'll know? She was sort of hesitant about having recalled enough to be able to do it, but I think she might know. And all right, so what are these for?

Those are garbage cans. No, no, no. It's used for removing garbage. Big, didn't know. These fins. I think they are fins that go in the water and help you move Down they don't stay like this. All right, another thing on the black scent It's way closer to the Australian accent than the white American accent

Yeah, or I'm accidentally going whatever I am going Australian and don't realize it is no way but like water Yeah water what I say water in a very similar way say water, but that's also PA that's fear. I think that's all the way to Chicago and Chicago is really similar What are they? I don't know how do they do water car car car car car? Yeah water Sunday like like that's how we Monday Tuesday Wednesday Sunday Sunday and you're from Central here. I was born in Philly. Okay. And my parents separated and they got back together

in this city called Redding. It's like an hour from Philly. Okay. So not really Central. Did they stay together after they got back together? Yeah, they're still together now. How long did they break up for and why did they move to a new town to get back together?

My dad is from Redding. Like he was born in Redding. And the cost of living there is, they got a house out there, you get a house in Philly. Actually my mom had a house in Philly, but she sold it when they got back together. All the other stuff. You can get them.

How long were they split up for? I think they split up when I was five or four, and they got back together when I was like seven. That's incredible, because that almost never happens. Yeah. I would assume every five-year-old, unless it's very abusive at home, that's like a dream that people would tell you as a child,

don't even think about it. Yeah, yeah, they're never getting back. It's never happening, and then all of a sudden it happens. Yeah, you know, I think about it, that's pretty, I never actually thought of it in that context before, because it is, it's usually family separating, it's like, all right actually thought of it in that context before, because it is. It's usually family separated and it's like, alright, now you have two Christmases. But I would just go see, my dad would come, he would drive back down to Philly, pick me

up from school, like every other weekend, I'd spend the weekend with him. He'd always have a dope ass toy for me, like I was a big Power Rangers or like Beast Wars guy. Oh, I remember the Beast Wars. Beast Wars, he would give me, I would come, I would get picked up and he'd just have the biggest Beast War possible in the bag. How old are you, you're 33? 35. 35, okay.

But you would have, this is also the Game Boy time. Game Boy, yep. You had your Game Boy games? I was big, I had the, there's, I have pictures of me. Game Boy Pocket or Game Boy Color would have been later on. Big one, I had the big one. You had the big one. I had the gray one. There's like, pictures of me that I found, I forget how I got him. I could show you one later

But it's just me as a kid. I was clear. I'm staying with my cousins I have it in my hand and every picture, but I'm not even playing it was just like nah It was a cool thing that you just not touching my game boy the big game boy Yeah, how don't probably still works if you felt one the. I have to figure out a way to sit down on this boat without my leg going dead. If there was a shade on this side, it would be easier to be like... Just both lie down.

Yeah, that would have been a great video, but we just lay on our backs. I'm genuinely terrified of the boat tipping over. Yeah, don't do it. Be careful. Ah, oh my God! Your laptop also break. It would be way more expensive than just a boat.

I don't know how much this boat cost. I'm sure people will find out and tell me how much Ben has paid for me to have a boat. And I'm very grateful. I did feel at first, cause I've been reading about Clarence Thomas getting gifts from people in the political world. It's like I arrive in Washington DC and they go,

here's a boat. And I think, what do I have to do? What does this mean that people have over me now, who have overcome? It just seems like a lovely man who got me a boat. He didn't even tell me to keep it a secret. I wonder how long he's had the boat and sitting there. You know what I mean?

You might have also been doing him a favor. No, I think he got the boat specifically for, like he found- Oh, he bought this boat. He bought the boat. Oh, so chow. Again, this is very important. Oh no! Ah. Did that just happen?

I don't know, but I'm gonna go and fix it. Um, if you would entertain me with that. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, what happened, what's going on for the audio listeners, the video listeners, I'm sure you know what we just figured out. The camera, the camera is tipped. The camera is-

Aw, I've got a dead leg. The camera cameras tipped the cameras the cameras tipped james has a slight limp from a dead leg from sitting indian style in his catamaran we have to figure out a new sitting system for the catamaran by the time you take it on the water i think i'm curious about is where you go now if you were on this would you bring beers? It feels like it would definitely you lose the beers

There's no lounging on this boat, No. OK. I'm gonna stand here until feeling in my leg. I'm not a fit man. I'm not a young man. I really thought that when I got the boat, I would also have enough money to also have people who sailed the boat for me. I didn't think I'd have to actually learn about the operation of the boat. Also, I never thought I thought maybe I'll die first

before I get the boat. That's when it was really like catamaran playing. There's no way that's what fucking work And maybe you know you started telling me it was a metaphor and I had to say now this might be worse for tipping Is that okay? Please don't tip it while I'm on it Just get decapitated by the mass I'm gonna sit on this side. Hold on. There we go. That'll balance it out. You gonna sit in the sun? Yeah, I'm gonna sit in the sun. I'm gonna... I've got this beautiful hat. It's gonna help me out. Okay. I don't think the hat's beautiful. I hate the hat. You know I hate the hat.

It's a Boston Celtics hat. If you know anything about basketball and I'm a Sixers fan, you know, it's a big fuck you to the Celtics to me. Oh! How do we feel about that? It doesn't feel, ooh, doesn't feel like it's doing anything. Damn. Yeah. If it did tip.

This is actually probably keeping it from tipping. If it didn't tip when we were both on this side. We're gonna get off very carefully together. Yeah. Yeah. I'm gonna give people a quick update on some plans. Yeah. My back to the camera.

New book of poems will be coming out soon. You have a title? No, I'm struggling on a title. I was originally gonna call it Interesting Soup, but then I wrote a poem about how much I liked French onion soup. Yeah. But then that poem came out because it was a bad poem.

I mean, how good is French onion soup? I couldn't believe. Oh, this is new to you? Yes. Oh, man. I had it in Philadelphia, it's next to a park. The restaurant may be called Park. Yeah.

Am I right about that? I don't know, I don't know. Anyway, Shane took me and he said, I had confused it with French onion dip. Yeah. And then for the first time I had the French onion soup and it was as the wind, I gotta get a wind guard I think yeah it was it's just and now I can't have it yeah because I've become lactose intolerant

because I had the raw milk it's killing me I'm looking so good I've never lost so much weight so quickly than not being able to have milk and milk related product how much were you milking I was having I was I would go to a gig and my you know my sad wife yeah not my, you know, my sad wife, yeah, not always sad, you know, happier now, but there was a time there when we'd first moved to Austin when she was sad, but I would bring home milkshakes for us. We were doing four to five milkshakes a week. Where were you getting, were you going to Pete Terry's milkshake? Sometimes with Pete Terry, sometimes with McDonald's, the Wendy's

milkshake is not bad, I do believe. Now the Chick-fil-A milkshake is something to really write home about. It's really good. Have you, wait, see this is, oh, you can't even go back to it. I know. Amy's, you haven't had Amy's since you've been down here. No, I don't know what that is. Amy's is like, this is what the locals have told me.

Amy's is, they make, that was terrifying. The Amy's, like they think they make their own ice cream or some shit, it's make their own ice cream or some shit. It's like a fancy ice cream place that has become a chain and they have fire milkshakes. It's killing me. Yeah. You should have one more and then shit all day and then- I can just, it's not like I'll die, I'll just do terrible poods.

But yes, when I started to literally shit myself, I had one day where I lay down on the bed I was wearing track pants and underpants. It was fine. Yeah Yeah, it was just like my first relaxed moment Everybody was out of the house. I was like, alright fine with my food in about six months This is my first moment of real relaxation and I immediately shit my pants Hello Sorry, we're just doing a podcast on the boat has the boat gotten in the way at all immediately shit my pants. Hello. Sorry, we're just doing a podcast on the boat. Has the boat gotten in the way at all?

I'm very happy to hear that. I am gonna try and get it in the garage. Okay. Aww. That's so funny. People are like, all right, whatever, you do your, cause I think most people hear a podcast and they go, Oh, he's another guy doing a podcast with zero people listening Yeah, you know we're doing a podcast on the boat and she's like, all right, whatever

This is bigger than the tonight shot Yeah, this is huge she's not saying very much at the moment you see this garage I'm not saying very much at the moment. You see this garage? Do you get worried about people doing that geo tracker thing that you're showing your house? Yes. Yeah. But I think with the interior of your house,

you can also find it. And everybody I know is calm with it. You know, thank you. Yeah, okay. So I've just made my peace with it. Yeah. Also Carl Legacy was here and he recorded podcasts from inside my house I've just made my peace with it. Yeah. Also, Carl Legacy was here and he recorded podcasts from inside my house and it's like, well, it's done.

Yeah, yeah. If people wanna find me, they'll do it. Let them get me. Here we go. But one day I will have a secret house that no one will know about and no one will see. That's my dream is to like retreat to the Adelaide Hills. That's where you're going back, Adelaide?

One day. I think I'll go back to Central PA. that would be a nice thing. I would get the suburbs around Redding PA. Yeah you've got it picked out. I would live in like Wyomissing or West Redding. Those are like, I don't know, like Pflugerville distance. Yeah. Maybe a little closer than Pflugerville distance to Austin. You get a big yard. Get a big yard. I got grocery stores near me. I grew up on Puerto Rican and Dominican food, so that's all over the place. Nice.

Redding has a super high Puerto Rican Dominican population. It's probably more than 50 percent of... And then you get whites and black people. Oh, I remember. So when Tony made his comments and they kept going to certain places in Pennsylvania, they were going, this is where it's important. This is where, because they weren't worried about the ones in New York turning,

because Republicans are never gonna win New York. I had always thought that the middle of America was white and black, that like all the ethnic... Stay to the coast? Yeah, like you know, the... Like the edges. That's where the Chinese were, that's where the Muslims were.

And then there are just weird pockets throughout America, like the Somalians in Minnesota. Huge numbers of Somalians in Minnesota. The Pakistanis made it to Wisconsin. Yeah. I was having a big chat with Fuzzy about that. Yeah, that's where he's from? Yeah, Fuzzy's the Wildcats?

No, hold on. What's there? The Badges? I don't know. He's a big college football. I don't know shit about that place. I don't think I've ever been to Wisconsin. Do you have a college basketball team?

It's March Madness. Do I? Barely. It would be like Villanova or something, but like. college basketball teams, March Madness? Do I, I, barely. It would be like Villanova or something, but like. You like the top professional. Yeah, I didn't grow up with anybody in my household being big college fans or anything.

Like not football, not basketball. So everything I like is like sports wise, was my older brother probably being just like, we're Eagles fans. And I was like, all right, fuck it. But from Central PA, were there Steelers people out there? Is that the divide? Nah, it's really, there's Steelers people,

but it was weird. It felt like because it's not, we're an hour from Philly, we had people who were like Sixers fans. One of my used to be closest friends was a big Steelers fan. But it felt like people kind of just picked whatever because they didn't have a real, like there was no writing team to be like this is my thing. There's a lot of birds fans out there too, but it wasn't, you would think it would be

90% of the population or whatever would be birds fans and it's just not. Son, hat didn't do enough? No, the hat is, I'm worried about it not recording and then I'm hot and I worry about skin cancer. I don't see anything on the screen. No, it's on here. Oh, okay, okay. All right, I think that's good.

I think that's the way to do it. Oh yes. Yes. Oh man. No, I mean, if you get real small town, then you get the high school team. And that's what I, I got a little taste of that in Steubenville, they love Big Red.

In Steubenville? Steubenville? Well yeah. That's PA right? East Ohio. It's right on the cusp of the West Virginia Panhandle. On the Ohio River Valley. But man once you get into a town of under 20,000 people, high school ball becomes... that's the newspaper. Yeah people did give a fuck about our Red and Highball team not our football team at all because our football team was awful But our basketball team made it to like states all the time Like they were for real good people start moving there to go into the good basketball team. Does that happen? No, not really. Okay because it was such a like a it was a

Kind of fucked up area like it had when I was in school there There was like a moment of it had the highest murder rate per capita right there. So Incredible, I'll be honest take that New Orleans. You've got nothing. It was it was per capita Yeah, it was just like cuz it's not a lot of people there Yeah, but so like if you have a spike of three killings, yeah, like a month. It's like shit cause it's not a lot of people there. Yeah. But so like- So if you have a spike of three killings. Yeah, then like a month it's like, shit everybody's dying. But per capita we had like, yeah, and I remember it being like,

you don't fuck with us, we nuts out here. It wasn't like a bad thing. Man, St. Louis hangs his head in shame every time somebody else gets to take over. You wish, you wish you were getting it in like right now. I think, yeah, I think Australia, we, I don't even know where the high murder rates are. The murder rates are so low. Yeah, no guns. No guns. Although people still find a way to kill. Certainly in London, the knives were out of control. Yeah, that's a way worse way to die. But not even cool knives, not like cool machetes or you can buy so many cool knives here in America. Especially in Texas. Yeah, because

you can also buy cool guns everywhere in Texas and I think people go, these, there are easier ways to kill somebody. You don't have to, once you have the cool guns, you liberate the knife market. Yeah, yeah. You know? But if you, once you clamp down on the knife market, they were getting like bread knives. You go into a store and they have store a shop You're gonna go down that shop. Wait, was that you man? Was that I didn't even hear the difference Yeah, I hear my catch myself falling into and then I listen to myself from like 10 years ago I sound like a completely different person. I have no identity. I don't really Extra Australia, It's like private school

Ponzi Australia. So you were like hello I'm James. I am very polite. Close. It's hard. I find when I was in London I could do stand-up but I could only do stand-up that I had written there. Okay. And then here I can only do stand-up that I've written here in America and in Australia the same thing Yeah, my act doesn't travel at all and I wonder how to get the act that travels Well, you I know you I don't I only know you're American Yeah, but I know you're American said that you've been working on what's about America It's about America so I could see that you go to London and be like I love America. Yeah That's Kanye stuff works everywhere. Everybody knows Kanye.

That's awesome. Everybody's got feelings about Kanye. I love the Kais there. I think I could go to Nigeria and do the Kanye bit. I could go to Indonesia and do the Kanye bit. But I mean in Australia it was not about like being in Australia. It was about like just things that my best bit. Yeah was about bread buying bread it's like I bought six dollar bread for the first time in Australia Australia and it and it changed my life because you can never go back after you've had the fancy bread Yeah, and there is no like fancy item culture in America in the same way. I Gotta disagree. I think so you saying like you can go to like a nice bakery

I don't I haven't seen one here it exists, but there's not like Like what's so Lerpac would be our butter but Kerrygold is your fancy butter Kerry go you mean like but like this stuff you get at a grocery store? Yes, so I'm talking about not fancy outside a grocery store but within the grocery store, buying the fancy item is somehow very like poetically meaningful in Australia. He's got the Lerpac, he's got the Kerrygold.

He's doing it. Wow. He's spending the extra three dollars to not get the normal one. When you buy it here, if you buy like the fancy like pasta sauce, like Rouse, I think Rouse just got bought by a major corporation, but it used to be. Damn it Rouse. I know, honestly that's how I feel.

I don't know if you were doing a bit, that's exactly how I feel. It does hurt. It pisses me off. I grew up with the Paul Newman pasta sauce, that's what my mom would get cause they don't add it to charity or something. Yeah, it wasn't that bad either.

I love the Paul Newman pasta sauce. Very hard to find out here now that Paul's not pushing it. It's always, they have a couple bottles in the mixed stores. They used to, I think I was a prego or whatever. It was what we call a pregnant woman. Yeah, it was a cheap giant jar. It's so hard to find out here what, because sometimes you pay more for a,

you know, like a pasta sauce and it's just fine. Yeah. I used to know, I used to say, that's Dolmios. That's not good. You gotta Google though. Yeah, but people have different opinions. You have to have a lifetime of trying all the different pasta sauces to know.

Or the butters. There are so many butters. See butter, I don't know that butter, I've never, you know, I was about to say butter could be anything to me as long as cheap butter, expensive butter. I was about to say that then I thought about being in a nice restaurant or a fine restaurant. Like you could be a fucking Olive Garden even, and they bring out the bread and the butter, and Olive Garden might give you the packets of butter. Well they've got the butter caked on to the garlic bread, they call it bread sticks, but

it's weird garlic bread. I couldn't believe how nice Olive Garden was. Olive Garden's underrated. Olive Garden to me, nicer than Cheesecake Factory. Cheesecake Factory was very nice. Yeah. The furnishings are nicer at a Cheesecake Factory, but when I look at the meal I was... This is a thing I do have with Olive Garden though, is I used to like it when I lived in PA. Yeah. And I moved to Jersey, North Jersey, so I was like New York, New Jersey area and my possibly more authentic. Oh, yeah, the I tells a little Yeah, a lot more authentic with the with the Italians there and like that's the thing

I hate the most about Texas is that no Spanish food? That's not Mexican food and no Let's start on this because if I have to eat tacos again, I'm gonna kill somebody. I hate them I don't I loved them when I came here. No, I had them too much Yeah, same is and it's like, oh, there's not a variety. Like, have you tried like flautas? I don't even know. It's like flautas? Flautas are like fried. They are fried. Oh. They're really good.

Dorian's Bistro right around from... Okay. If you ever hungry, thinking like, all right, I got to get something, they have phenomenal flautas. I'll give you flautas to go. I've got to mix it up. Flautas are good. First time I had chipotle, I thought this is the future. And now it's like it's just clean.

Yeah. It's barely Mexican. It's not Mexican food. No. It's American style. It's our Zambreros. Have you had Cabo Bob's? I've not had Cabo Bob's.

Have Cabo Bob's. I've not had carbo-bobs. Half carbo-bobs. That's like if you took Chipotle and made it a little more authentic. I don't want it too authentic. Barely. That's what I'm saying. What I love is, what I think is the most authentic is the man, the illegal alien on the corner. Who's just selling tamales. Who's doing a very strange hot dog. Oh, one of six. I love that man's weird hot dog.

You get the dogs? Oh yes. I've never won. Oh, on six. I love that man's weird hot dog. You get the dogs? Oh yes. I've never once. Capsicum. Terrifying. It feels strange and dirty. Yeah, it feels like there's no way it's that clean. It can't be clean, but it is great.

Yeah. It's a great time. It looks good. I walk past a little drunk going to get like my Uber Spyder drive, and I'll look at him and I'll go. One day you'll be drunk enough and that breaks the seal. I might go, I was fine. My guts have been betraying me lately.

So I'm kind of nervous. Like I used to love spicy food. Like I had, my girl made shrimp tacos the other day. And just cause like we had shrimp, we have shells. She seasoned them to be like a little spicy. Two days ago, yesterday morning, I was paying for them and we had to go over to Men's Change to do the pod and it was like, so I just woke up and was like,

all right, I gotta, I have to crap. You were in and out of the pod over and over again with the big dudes. No, I got it all out before the pod, but I had to like, I was eating those, I gotta wake up earlier, I need to give myself extra crap time. I needed a I needed a wake-up crap Yeah, like right away then I had to drink water had a ginger tea If there was like really did it I really was repairing yourself a game day Yeah, I am no I was I was counting six craps

It's number. Yeah, I had a day on tour where I did six craps. For me, it's number. I had a day on tour where I did six craps. It's like, I don't know what's... That's off milk as well. Something is... The American food, something is... Do you think it's a Texas food thing? I think it's American. I think it's just the weird shit we have. Because you said it didn't...

Like, it was before you got here, you were dealing with... You had a shit that you thought you were sick. I don't know if that was a secret. I'm sorry if I just said a secret. Like it was before you got here, you were dealing with, like you had a shit that you thought you were sick. Oh yeah. I don't know if that was a secret. No I. I'm sorry if I just said a secret. The bowel has been out of control, but I don't eat in an orderly way,

and I don't really know what I'm not able to have. Like I became lactose intolerant, and just didn't pick that that's what was happening to me for a long time, I just thought I had a parasite or something. How old are you now? 33. 33, that much my girl just developed the kind of reason she was like 28 But it's just like it just happened. It just came for I believe that I can fix it if I if I drink enough you're cooled And you know what I'm like, what is it? It's a Japanese gut health drink It's a small Japanese gut health drink I might need that here. I can get here. I just, I wanna be able to eat everything.

You gotta text me the name of that. I won't be able to eat everything. I can't stop it. Oh shit, you got a wasp right by your head. Ooh, you should have felt my heart tense. Is it gone? It's gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone. I don't like the great outdoors.

I do and don't. I'm being silly, I do, yeah. You know what I got that was gone, it's gone, it's gone, it's gone. I don't like the great outdoors. I do and don't. I'm being silly, I do. You know what I got that was like, it worked immediately. My balcony in my apartment, there was wasps, I could tell they were plotting on a nest, right? They were flying, they were checking, they were like in my doorway.

I went on Amazon for like 10 bucks, got just two pack of fake wasp nests. It's just giant, just overnight. Fake wasp nests. Yeah, just giant, just overnight. Fake wasp nests. Yeah. It's like just a big ass, like small watermelon sized wasp nest. Personal watermelon.

And it makes, I found out about that term. But the other wasps see that and they go, this is another wasp's territory. Yeah, and they don't, and they haven't even flown past my apartment, my thing since. Cause you know they say they got like memory and shit I didn't know this yeah, they say like if you fuck with a wasp. We've had big wasp problems Yeah, and then we didn't want to mess with the wasp nest

We bought a bird house at the old house Yeah and wasps got in there and we just Stood with that at the front of a house and didn't touch it and then a Peter Bedgood came over a guy from Tulsa Yeah, who's drawing Wimble Dog at the moment, and I have to call him to figure out when we're releasing Wimble Dog. Wimble Dog guy. Yeah, the Wimble Dog guy.

He just picked it up and he walked it out and he put it over here. And he shook the wasp thing out and then he brought the bird house back. It was a display of masculinity that I could barely compute. I wouldn't be like good. That's one of the displays of masculinity.

I go, good for you, I could never. Yeah, I don't even aspire to be able to do that. I don't wanna be like good. That's one of them displays of masculinity. I go, good for you. I could never. Yeah, I don't even aspire to be able to be that guy. I don't wanna be that guy. He was too cool. Yeah. Peter, I'm getting on to, oh, quickly, rattle off. So yes, the Wimble Dog is coming. I wrote it for Shane.

And then I wrote the character as being fat. And he refused to read the script. So I asked, could I use his likeness in the graphic novel. So we're having a graphic novel, the Wimble Dog graphic novel. The new board game is coming out soon. What's the board game? I don't know, I haven't played it yet.

I think it's called Freedom of the Seas. And we're gonna play a virtual version of it. There's all these, I don't know, maybe this is is where I'm I just have like eight things that are that need to the final little push Yeah, and then I don't do them and I go another day I'll get to it. I'll get to it one day. You'll have eight things drop at once. That's going to be nice I've got an album. Yeah, it has to come out. Yeah, what'd you take that? The album. Yeah, I just do it on my phone. I Just write the music on my phone and then I'll do the computer. I thought okay that I'm thinking comedy album

Oh, and I'm thinking you're doing just phone on the stage Like I'm putting this out. No, I'm doing I was like, come on. It's called cover up. It's songs by women Just use me singing, yeah. All along it was a fever. Round and around and. That one's on there. Do you have to let it linger? That one's on there.

Okay. Very hard to know, linger, linger. What else is on there? There will be no white flag above my door. I'm in love and always. Dido, that'll be on there. I took my love and I took it down. And you expect people to listen to this? People, the music career is going

better than I ever could have imagined. Are people listening to your music? I checked Spotify yesterday, it's been months since my last release. Yeah. I have a thousand listeners a month of people who just want to listen. To the music? It's absurd. The music is bad.

That's a sweet looking lady. She had a nice smile. Who else does a podcast like this? On a boat? I've never done a podcast on a boat. I'm on that new level. I'm on that new level. What's that new level? I'm on that new level. Well what's coming up for you? How are you breaking through the shackles of this? Because I recorded a comedy special and I ran around telling everybody

we've all gotta do a comedy special. And then I had the raw milk and I was shitting myself and I cut it down to 18 minutes like a coward. And it's like, it is actually hard. I was talking to Big Game about how important it is to record an hour and put it out. And then when it comes time to do it, it is actually terrifying. I was talking to Big Game about how important it is to record an hour and put it out. And then when it comes time to do it, it is actually terrifying.

Yeah, especially if you haven't been doing an hour regularly. Yeah. It's like, it feels, if I do one soon, which I do wanna do, my plan is a 20 to a half hour, the set I've run, you know what I mean? Yes. I've been featuring, I've been going over,

doing 25 accidentally when I do it. And I feel like, all right, and it's going well. I'm like, all right, so that 24, if I get five more, half hour seems nice. 25 is not. 25 is not a problem. I found 18. Yeah, yeah.

But it is that thing of like, you work so hard to make it and then like you record it and you put it out and that's the thing that allows you to do more, bigger shows. But you've destroyed the thing that people want to come to see if you're a musician you do the album yeah tour the album yeah it seems better yeah it seems so much nicer you put out the thing and it's like well I got none of that I've got now that it's come time for everybody to judge me in the flesh it's gonna nothing at all it's gonna be bad it's gonna be a lot of

ideas it's gonna be 40 minutes of ideas I'm sending you. A lot of crowd work. Now, this has been a long podcast for me. We can push on. It's up to you, I'm chilling. All right. I got nothing. Have you eaten today?

I'm gonna eat with my girl. All right, I understand. I told you tomorrow's her birthday, so I'm giving her a little pre-birthday. Devastating. What? Devastating what devastating what that comes over? I know we could have a meal no I have to eat with my girlfriend because it's her birthday tomorrow. Yeah, I've never Already I already told her I'll get a vicious excuse for getting out of hanging out with a fellow brother See you say that I told James before we started recording I'm doing nice things for him.

He's making me look like an asshole. Nate Marshall everybody, Nate Marshall thank you for coming on the podcast. Thank you for letting me be one of the first on the boat. The first, I'm gonna get this in here and then I think I'll set that up like a studio and then all the podcasts will be on the boat. Just on the boat and the back. On the boat. How the boat in the back I can take this off. Oh

And then I have to put the actual boat diagonally, yeah, so it has to be very very Particular, okay garage. That's gonna be a rough get in and because you said that about Gia I mean, it's only the color of this house that might give me away Yeah, so I might put this one out in black and white. Yeah, and then my location remains hidden. I think that's a great move Not that I care yeah, I mean people seem to lay you want to get God's fair man people like that I like that about crazy people out there True not my fans the best James. James Allen, Foz Bacan, Cameron Plan, Patreon, available now. New episodes coming out when I get to them.

It's been one a week for a little while. Yeah, then you hear the craps. Nate, my, at, what's the Instagram? Oh, is that Nate Marshall? I wish that was different, but it's not. It's that Nate Marshall. It is, it is. Is that, oh, is that?

Like, is that Nate Marshall? I thought you were saying it like a cool, No, no, no. It's that Nate Marshall that oh is that like I thought you were saying it like a cool no no it's that night mushroom is that night Marshall I actually like that one better there's another ever told about the other name Marshall no real quick before we get out of a night Marshall he's a poet he's a poet he's like a good poet buddy he doesn't look like me but I can see how if you don't really know what I look like he wears like he's bald okay he rocks a hat and he has like a similar beard that I do

and he wears glasses and we're about the same skin tone. So like the defining features are- My follow up question. Yeah. What? Is he a black guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe it was all the, but the thing is he's Chinese.

No, he's a Chicago poet that does extra like black Chicago poetry. Like his, he has a Chicago poet that does extra like black Chicago poetry. Like his, he has a published book called Fitna. Oh, okay. Like I'm fitna, you know. I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've read some of his shit.

If you like poetry, he's actually- Is he successful? Yeah, I mean, you know, like, I don't know if you can make like a bunch of money doing poetry, but he does like book signing and stuff. We're finding out. We're doing the best we can. Yeah, yeah. You can make okay money.

On the Instagram age, there's, anyway, so hold on, are you gonna meet, you gotta meet this guy? I don't know if he wants to meet me. I feel like I might have been too, I haven't been nasty, he knows I exist. I know he knows I exist because this is why this does bother me about him. Yeah. Because I felt like he's, I feel like he's gone out of his way to try to like flag down in the name Nate Marshall and like he wrote a piece

that I forget how I found it but he wrote a piece that was about the name Nate Marshall and he was like there's all these Nate Marshalls, there's a comedian, there's a football player, there is a football player, I think he plays for like Auburn and he's like nice, also black dude. It doesn't sound like a particularly black name I think Marshall is a black last Thurgood Marshall. Yeah, yeah Marshall's a black last name Marshall Mathis first name Yeah, and I mean kind of a he wrapped Yeah, that's true. Still got some black. That is true. He's a very white guy.

You don't think he wants to meet you and talk to you, this guy? I think you get the Nate Marshalls together. I was thinking about getting the James McCanns together because we got a catcher in Major League Baseball. I don't think we would mesh. You wouldn't hit it off. I don't think we'd hit it off. I think I'd say something like, man, talk to me about bitches and he'd be like, you mean

women, brother? And I'd be like. So he's the intellectual black Chicago poet. I've seen a lot of this. I watched Rhythm and Flow, which was like the X factor for rappers. And it's like Chance the Rapper, Tip, and... Was Lose on that?

Who's Lose? King Lose? Does he have long hair? He might've been Baltimore guy. There were so many guys. I only knew two of the rappers who were contestants on it. One might have been Baltimore guy. There were so many guys. I only knew two of the rappers who were contestants on it. One was Cakes Da Killer, a gay rapper. Yeah.

His name was Cakes? Cakes Da Killer. I don't want no smoke. You named Cakes Da Killer. Cakes Da Killer had a great song. It was, you only want me for my good good. You only want me for my goodie goodies. But Cakes didn't make it through.

And then who was the, it was the third, there was a lady on there. Oh, you know, Cardi B. Cardi B was one of the judges. And you know, they go to New York and everyone's got like a, they're hustling. And they're like, I'm gonna work so hard. No one's even gonna believe how hard I work.

And then they go to LA and everybody's like, I've killed people before. That's what I do, I kill people. And then they go to Chicago and everybody's like, I've killed people before. That's what I do, I kill people. And then they go to Chicago and everybody has glasses and you know, the little hat. Chicago's artsy fartsy, like their music scene. So artsy fartsy. If it's not drill rap, it's artsy fartsy, it's common.

Chief Keef is on one end and Lupe Fiesco is very on the other end. That's alright. Lupe is one of my goats. I think he's like one of the best all time. I remember I was in year, I was like this year I graduated but Food and Liquor was out. Beautiful album. It's the There's a bit where he just rhymes the same sound over and over again for like a minute and a half He's like, atomic bombing them, Catholic priest fondling them, and then he breaks it with Israeli occupation. He was riding that wave very early. And you know, one of his biggest hits was with South Australian,

a man from my town, Guy Sebastian, and they had Battle Scars. Battle Scars was a guy from your town? Yes, it's Guy. Yeah, yeah. Is that a hit here? I fuck with it. Lupe was never big. It was like number one for ages in Australia.

Lupe's biggest song here, I think, was shows going on. Yeah, that was the Modest Mouse version. Kick Push would have blown up on the blogs. Kick Push was big. And then a great feature on Touch the Sky. That's where I first found them. Peach Buzz Buzz like Miss Budworth. Man, did you ever hear? We can, we can. Come on. I can say, I don't think it actually made it to his real, because with Food and Liquor, I don't know if you remember this happened, the album leaked way before the release date. And then he didn't release things from it. Yeah, and one of the

songs on it has my favorite like couple of rap bars of all time. I think they're masterful and he never actually officially put it out. The words he doesn't say rhymes. So he said, I'm just trying to do the opposite of left for the rest of my opposite of death, but test and I just might bring the opposite of life till there's no one the opposite of right. And then if you just say the things he did, he's like, I'm just trying to do right for the rest of my life, but test

and I just might bring death till there's no one left. Like either way, it's a dope bar, but it's- That is better than the Kanye one where he refuses to rhyme. Have you seen that? What the scoops the poop? No, no, he's rhyming on scooper dee-boop But there's one where they he goes into sway. I like that There's a thing where he uh, they go do a freestyle for his Kanye. He's like, I don't want to do a freestyle

And then he but he raps and like he sets it up to be an obvious rhyme and he just doesn't do it. He's like, ah, it makes me so sad what's going on Kanye. I'm here rapping on the mic saying things that I don't enjoy. Uh oh. I'm doing a boost but it varies at one point where he goes, uh oh! And it's, I'm gonna play that for you when this is over. That's one of my favorites. That sounds great. I may never get to do a, one of my friends I started out

doing comedy with, he got to do, he's all day, he's a rapper from Australia, he was a comedian, then he became a rapper, and now he's like Breaking America, and he got to do a freestyle on Sway. He's a little white boy from Adelaide. And they all like, when they all said, that was a good freestyle, we were so happy. It was unbelievable that someone from Mercedes College,

is Adelaide a big, that's a big city though, right? It's about Austin, it's like 1.2. Okay, okay. So by Australian standards, it's tiny. Okay. Perth is like probably two and a bit. I have an Australian question. I know we were supposed to end on one.

No, no, no, no, an hour is good. Okay. Cause you used to talk about driving this and you're a big long distance driver. I love the long distance drive. That's the Australian thing, right? Like isn't it like travel times in between places are long?

The nearest town to my house is an eight and a half hour drive away. Okay. And the worst, I mean, Perth is the most isolated city in the world. That's on the West coast and that's, that's a full two day drive. And it's not a good two day drive. Like there's the, uh, it sounds like an Aboriginal word, but it's not, it's a Latin word, the nullabore and itar. And it means null, a-boar, no trees. So if you drive along the coast, it's like not even,

it's just, it's no trees at all for two days. It's just flat. And nothing but flat. Is it safe out there during those drives? What do you mean? Like, well, not for me, I don't know, like. Yes, yeah, you could do it. No, I mean, the road is not like, the road is well maintained. Yeah, I mean, like, you said, well, not for me, I don't know. Yes, yeah, you could do it. No, I mean the road is not like,

the road is well maintained. Yeah, I mean like, are you worried about breaking down and being like, someone's gonna cut my head off? Well, we make movies about it because it's how everybody feels. But I'd say the more dangerous areas are in the northeast and in the middle. But you'd be fine on the nullaboy,

you'd just have a man who, I've never done the drive. I have friends who've done it and I've thought about doing it. I mean the Adelaide-Melbourne drive is very boring. It's just eight and a half hours, but oh, there are some, it's weird the things you miss. I hated doing that drive for the 20th time or whatever

because it was like, if you went with other people it was cheaper than the 90 minute flight. You give up a full day. But then there's a big koala made of like Styrofoam was a huge quote with glowing red eyes. Yeah terrifying at night you get to go through Horsham What exactly yeah now Horsham is a great town? I think Adam Goodes is from Horsham But there's it there was a subway that I stopped at at Horsham on the drive through all the time Porter town I stopped there one night because I was my first water town a border town it's right on the border and all the time. Border Town, I stopped there one night, because it was my first time. Border Town, a border town?

It's right on the border. And I stayed in like a hotel that, the only other people staying there were, for years, like truck drivers. And the smell of cum, I couldn't sleep for how unbelievably powerful the cum smell was. Just the cum smell of the town? Cum smell was brilliant.

Did they have those little white, you ever see those trees that have white leaves that smell like cum? Yes, we've got the cum trees. You had the cum smell. Just the cum smell of the town. They have those little white You ever see those trees that have white leaves that smell like cum. We've got the cum trees. You had the cum trees Yeah, we call them cum trees. So we. We call them cum trees. We call them cum trees. I also have a blocked nose at the moment. Yeah, that's a change in my accent. We can wrap it up All right. No four minutes. Oh, okay. Affirmations people love Affirmations on the show. Okay, I affirm I'm gonna get some of these projects done. I'm gonna call Peter today Get Wimble Dog. I'm gonna play my own board game

Yes What are you doing tomorrow morning at 440 a.m. Probably sleep or 40? There's a big chance. I'm sleeping I'm gonna fuck I'm probably gonna get a haircut, I told you. I'm trying to do, this is one of them birthdays where your girl starts feeling old. So I'm trying to make her, she's 31. She'll be 31. She's about to cross over, so I'm trying to make her

feel young and hot and cool. So I wanted to, we've been together a long time. How long have you been together? Nine years. That's, you've robbed this woman of her twenties and you refuse to give her a child. I don't refuse to give her a child. She doesn't want one now either. She wants one eventually, but she doesn't, like if she-

That's what women think. If she got pregnant right now, I'm pretty sure the people who went to that show, the guy gave the boat- I see what you're saying. We'll have a conversation about it afterwards. No, I don't know that. I just- What are you gonna get then? You're gonna show your lady a lovely time. I'm gonna show her a lovely time and uh, you mean my app, my uh, what was the thing you said we were doing?

Affirmations. Affirmations. My affirmation is, I don't know, write more jokes. I got a new thing I'm working on that I think is real fun. Do you want to lay it on the listeners or you want to keep it secret? I'll say the premise. Just say your lady, your girl can't be your best friend. Yes. I don't think that's a real thing. Couples say that and I think it's bullshit. And my girl said it to me the other day, made me mad and I thought about it. And it's been working.

It's been working. And I didn't see it. She told you that you were not her best friend. No, she said I was her best friend. Oh, it's not. And I got mad in my head. I was like, I'm not your fucking best friend. I mean, man, I'm not your best friend, though.

You felt you were being dragged into a less sexy romantic position. No, she didn't mean it that way at all. I just don't think it's real. Like, I actually don't think related people in a relationship can be. This is the- I like this. I like this. I get here in a relationship can be. This is the- I like this.

I like this. I get here in the bit, it's more of a punch line when I say it, but this is when I was thinking about it, this is a thought I had. I was like, if I ever was to fuck up and cheat on my girlfriend, who would I call after that? That's a very funny- That's my best friend. Yeah. That's a very funny premise.

Yeah. But, I- I complained to my best friend about my- Yeah, yeah's a very funny premise. Yeah But that but I I complained to my best friend about my yeah, yeah my wife No, I did but there's the other thing. I also don't I realized that maybe I'm I had I I never Winge, yeah, this has been very hard for my wife. What do you know wins? Oh complain? Oh have a win But uh, I think that's important to like, some people go to therapists or they talk with their friends about their problems with their relationship. I am a vault.

Yeah, I get that. I just get angrier and angrier and angrier and don't tell anybody what's going on until we work it out. I think talk, all right. I've been angry at the moment because the kids won't stop coming into the bedroom. And I want them out.

I love them so much. I know you do. I woke up yesterday morning and something felt wrong in the room. And my daughter slithered out from under the bed at six a.m. And I said, what are you doing? And she's being very loud.

You're waking everybody up. But she can't do this. And then I get more angry about it than my wife does. And then also when I'm away, they're all in there with her. Yeah, so they're like, they get used to that. They get used to it, and then daddy's back, and he wants to have his own, how hard do I have to work?

How much success do I have to have? To have- Just a little God damn piece. Any door I can close. Yeah, I feel you, brother. It's a little goddamn piece any door I can close Yeah, I feel you brother I Feel you my only a version of that is what I have a day to chill and my girl wants to go do something I'm like, I'm always outside. I just want to be inside Inside on the couch. Yeah, the wonderful couch. I I swear to lay on the couch and pet the dog.

That's all I want to do all fucking day. And you want to go. She's waiting for you to come back. She's been waiting for you to come back from the road. Yeah. You've been waiting to come back from the road. Yeah. I don't know what the middle activity to that is.

It's probably going out on the boat together. You know what I'm saying? If you have the big fancy boat, you can just chill on the boat. You can sit downstairs and she can do all the boat things. Yeah, you're not taking the kids on the boat when you first go on the boat. James Donahue and Forsbican, catamaran plan. That's the end of that episode. Thank you, Nate Marshall. Get them online. Is that Nate Marshall? You know.

Big shout out to Ben Dominech as well. Sorry, I didn't mean to cut you off. PITM podcast. I meant to shout that out. Panties in the mouth podcast. James was on a great episode. James did. I had a great time. Amos Gill attacked me. Yes, yes he did. Because I was late.

Ben Dominich, thank you. Go follow him, go get his podcast. Might have him on to talk about tariff policy and also public transport. Because you do a 15 hour drive with somebody, you figure out where the divisions are that you will be able to argue about it and I really he doesn't he doesn't think America can build trains and I'm a big believer in train pretty sure we can build trains I think you could build the

best trains the world's ever seen sure could we just spend the money on missiles yeah it's a good point yeah it's also very important to have missiles we need need, we've made too many enemies. If we stop, if we stop spending money on missiles we're done. If you use some of those missiles to take over some of the world and take their resources again we could spend that money on trains. That's all I'm saying. I'm a pro train imperialist. I think the British Empire had the right idea. We have to stop.