The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - BRANSON

Episode Date: April 5, 2024

Get on Anna Freer's substack: https://annafreer.substack.com/Watch the visual component on YouTube: https://youtu.be/sVbTDr9XJ-4I'm coming back to Adelaide and doing a new material show: https://www.trybooking.com/events/landing/1199522?fbclid=IwAR18wDilXqTGzUkr5AM7UeNNcesP6rOsPVXRNb3AEN4jQXtjaR-ROVxr020Join the sailing club to contribute financially to James Donald Forbes McCann's journey to boat ownership: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccannBuy the several books written by James Donald Forbes McCann: https://www.jdfmccann.com/books Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered.

Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it. Find your push.

Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Hello and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan coming to you live from a Toyota Sienna. Not my Toyota Sienna specifically. It's a more recent model. It's a renter car. I'm in Orlando, Florida with Matt McCusker and his family and my family. And we're going to Disney World tomorrow. We are going to Disney World tomorrow. And I anticipate that once I go to Disney World, it will be such a transcendent experience

that there's a possibility that it will obliterate all of my memories. And I won't remember the last week at all. And so I want to do a podcast now because it really has been the greatest, would I say the greatest week of my life? One of the great weeks of my life. Some of the best places I've ever been. Notre Dame, magnificent. Seeing Margot, outstanding. Saying goodbye to some Steubenville people. So sad, so beautiful, melancholy. I mean, to meet them and to know them has been terrific. And to leave, parting, sweet sorrow, etc.

But let me tell you about what happened since the last podcast. We got in the car from Notre Dame. We left. Oh, it was close to midday than I wanted. The family and the other, the older Toyota Sienna. It was what? Midday, maybe, that we got out of there. And we drove from Notre Dame.

And our goal was to get as close as we could to Austin. I had nowhere in mind to stay. We got in the car, we drove. Anna Freer doing some driving in America for the first time. Thrilling stuff. Later on, a few days later, we drove through Dallas. Terrifying. I was the passenger. And she did a great job. But I have never seen so hostile an environment for automotive, automotive, automotive, car driving as I did in Dallas slash Fort Worth. There were so many, so many interconnecting highways and lanes coming onto highways. I've never seen so many wrecked cars. They were just like crashed cars at every zip line. What do you call them? That way that you

merge, people are having real trouble merging. And you can see the proof of the issue that they've had merging in a totaled car, or at least a dinged up car that's not going anywhere but i don't want to talk about that right now that's not the important thing that's happened here on the visual and audio james donald forbes mccann catamaran plan the show where i james donald forbes mccann i'm trying to make enough money to buy a boat is camera 2 working depends what you mean by working boy i'm sweaty it's very humid we just dodged a tornado getting in here cyclone wind revolving listen we got in the car we didn't know where we'd stop we didn't have any accommodation it was a 20 hour drive or thereabouts and i thought well there's no way there's no way we're making it in one drive you know so we'll have to stop somewhere. And so my thought was, what we could do

is we could just get the best Airbnb we could as far as we got. You know, I said, we'll drive till two. We must've left at 10, 11, midday. I don't know. The thing that happened next is obliterated any knowledge that I had of when we set out. We got to like 2, 3 o'clock and I start looking up the Airbnbs and I go, alright, well I think we can keep driving till 8, 9, maybe 10 for a really great place. Let's just get a cheap Airbnb on the road to save money. And maybe we'll get a deal. Because when you're looking for a deal, you know, on a given night in a city,

on Airbnb, the likelihood is not good. It might happen, might not happen. But when you have as your choice, you know, of where to stay 500 square miles or whatever it is. I mean, we could have gone any direction to go to Austin as long as it was south-ish. And I found a place. It was a place I'd never heard of before. It's still called Branson. It's a town called Branson.

It's got about 10,000 people. And for having 10,000 people, it's got its own television network all about Branson. It's in the Ozarks. We got a, I think we were Airbnb-ing someone's timeshare, which is not something, I don't believe we have that in my country. The time, it was, it was incredible. It was in the Nantucket. It was something called the Nantucket. It was like, it was three-story. It had an elevator. It had an S. It had a lift. It had an elevator to the top to a balcony viewing section.

Everything was so colorful. It was like being in a Wes Anderson movie. Wow, sounds very fancy. The ceilings were so high. It was so fancy. The fridge made ice and had water, and we got it for a song. It was under, I think it was 150 bucks to stay there for a night. And then the lady wrote to me,

you know, the lady whose place it was. And she said, well, you want to add an extra night? That'll just be 20 bucks. We hadn't seen anything of Branson. You know, we had limited time and that would mean really doing a lot of driving on day three to get to Austin, to get on a plane,

to come to Orlando, to sit in this beautiful contemporary Toyota Sienna, so unlike the 2005 Toyota Sienna that did such a fine job, did a remarkable job. Oh, that car did a remarkable job. Anyway, we were staying somewhere fancy, and we got to stay there for two nights. We got in late the first night in the Ozarks. Also, I have seen the television program Ozark, which is all about like meth, murder, crime, Jason Bateman, winky acting in dirt poverty. That was all I knew about the Ozarks. Some of that may be true. It's not bloody true of Branson. Oh, Branson. So we had nice accommodation. That's the first thing I'm going

to say. And we were tired. We ended up getting into Branson around 11 because it was such a nice looking accommodation that it was even nicer when we got there. Again, a lift. So we said, right, well, we'll spend one day in Branson. We'll see whatever this is. We've got the accommodation. It's very cheap. And we'll just do a massive drive the next day. Branson is incredible. Now, for those with the visual component, there will now be a video that Anna Freer took of us driving down the main strip of Branson. Branson is, I don't know how to describe it. It's like, it's an adventure. It's like a spring break town. We found out from the internet that one third of the American population is a day's drive away from Branson. It's got so many theaters. It's got a lot of dine and watch theaters. Dolly Parton has her name on a theater there. There's a giant

octopus. There's a house that's upside down. There's a luge that we went on. My wife, she tried to record me going down the luge with my daughter my son wasn't big enough to get on the roller coaster luge thing and so she had to consult him and didn't actually get any footage of me going down but it was a great time i think it's a big spring breakdown so people from missouri arkansas maybe even as far as Oklahoma and dare I venture to say Illinois they come to Branson

and they have their spring break it's just remarkable they had we saw the Titanic exhibition in Pittsburgh a while ago where they have like real relics from the Titanic they have not relics from the Titanic.

They have not quite a life site. They have a huge Titanic boat, the front end, presumably an end that snapped off, in Branson. And you can go to their special Titanic museum. It's like they're really trying. It's my favorite thing. It's little country town're really trying. It's like, it's my favorite thing. It's little country town people really trying. And in Australia, when country town people try,

we make a big gumboot, we make a big pineapple. In Branson. Okay, so the Titanic exhibit, we didn't go in, but we watched an ad, we looked at it. I looked at it from a Ferris wheel, a Ferris wheel that used to be in Chicago until 2015, where they took it away. I think they got a new Ferris wheel. To differentiate themselves and their Titanic exhibit from other Titanic exhibits. The focus of their Titanic exhibit is, it's horrifying, children of the Titanic. You thought the story of the Titanic couldn't get any more depressing.

You're wrong. Let's not focus on the adults. Let's not focus on some of the people we, frankly, are glad died in the Titanic. Let's exclusively pay attention to the something like 150 plus children who drowned aboard the Titanic. It was women and children first. So not as many children, I think proportionally, were going down with the ship, but a lot of children drowned. The ad for this on Branson television, it was water, like it was a camera under the water, like you were a drowning child. And the sounds of crying children, screaming, crying children play as the photographs of the dead children come up onto the screen.

And they say, do you want to come and have a look at this? No, but I love that it exists. Oh, we ate Branson meals. I had something called a Monte Cristo. It's like a deep fried sandwich with jam and powdered sugar. It was wonderful. Oh, and we all woke up in Branson and we all got moving tired from the whatever 10 hours of driving we'd done the day before. We went off to this diner, eatery. Restaurant. Food place. Restaurant. Yes, I ate my sandwich, and they had butter croissants with honey butter,

and we had a big drink. I was quite drunk. Maybe that is colouring some of my memories of Branson. Listen, I ain't going to tell it to you in order because it don't make no sense. They have a historic downtown that no sense they have a like a historic downtown that's meant to have a historic trolley but it's not a it's not a tram it's a bus painted to look like a tram that drives you around they had Yakov Smirnoff so when Yakov Smirnoff the comedian maybe for younger listeners

and indeed for listeners my age who don't know about Yakov Smirnoff because why would you I mean he's great he was a Russian Ukrainian he was a USSR exile who came to America and his jokes were all like

you know in America you say joke take my wife please but in Russia Soviet Russia In America, you say joke, take my wife, please. But in Russia, Soviet Russia, you make that joke, government, take your wife. It was all that switcheroo. Encyclopedia used to do that joke a lot. Anyway, Yakov Smirnoff was a big comedy star in the 80s. And then the wall came down and people weren't as obsessed with the Soviet Union

and they weren't as interested. I mean, his own Wikipedia page is quite damning about what happened to his career in the 90s. What he did was he built his own 2,000 seat theatre in Branson, a town of 10,000 people. He built a 2,000, it could probably be a hurricane shelter if it had to be, for the whole damn town, except that the roof did come off it in the difficult winds, so probably not an ideal one. Every week, Yakov Smirnov, who I think lives in Branson, goes to his 2,000-seat theater in this remote town that I had never heard

of, and then I'm talking to these American people, they've never heard of it, these big city types, and he just does a show to the retirees and spring breakers who come to Branson. That's what Yakov Shmernov's been doing. I think Shmernov is the vodka, I'm not exactly sure how to pronounce his last name. There were a hundred things like this in Branson. It was a magical day, and I'll remember it forever. Then we continued on driving, because the next day, boy, we had a big drive. We had up eight states over the course of the drive, I think.

Don't ask me to recite them all. I wouldn't be able to do it. But we went through a lot of states and went through Oklahoma. So Choc Tour Nation with its big modernist casinos. I don't know why I thought Indian casinos would be a bit more Indian. You know, I thought they were feathered head things and tomahawks. No, it's just really bland looking casinos. So on your Chok Tua Nation.

And then, oh, when you come across the road into Texas, they scatter wildflowers. Can I say one quick thing? I'm astonished to the extent that state by state it's different in America. Like you cross, Illinois is flat and boring. It's super flat and it's just boring. And then you cross the road into the next state. It was Missouri, which I thought was the southern state, but it turns out it's more complicated than that.

It's so green. It's so different. It's got mountains. It's got Branson. And then you go from there into Arkansas, and we managed to leave at 4 a.m. the next day, and at dawn, cracked,

as we were driving out of Branson through the windy Ozark Mountain highways. Arkansas is genuinely God's country and I fully understand. I mean, forget the slaves. Landscape alone would cause you to fight and die for the great state of Arkansas. Obviously, I'm glad they got rid of the slavery. It's so beautiful. And then I took a nap and I woke up in Oklahoma. Man, Oklahoma's so beautiful. And then Texas and the wildflowers by the side of the road. And we may end up in Texas.

It looks like we'll be moving to Austin. And it was just, anyway, it was stunning. And it was a great drive. And you know what makes a great drive? Great people. Kids were well behaved. Wife was well behaved. She had some, she was a little road sick. So she was quiet in the back.

But I got to drive up front, sharing the load of the driving with Anna Freer. And we listened to, and this is important for the catamaran plan. That's been a little rambly for a while. This is is important for the catamaran plan that's been a little rambly for a while this is very important for the catamaran plan we listened to all the Eurovision song entrants for the next Eurovision which is in early May

and I like to I mean I talk about this more on the Patreon if you go and listen to the Patreon I go into detail about a lot of the songs but I like to think I have a golden ear. I usually pick which song's going to win Eurovision. You know, I can tell. I can tell by hearing. I know a good song. I mean, theoretically, everybody knows a good song because it's a voting system, but you'd be shocked how often it's not the odds-on favorite that wins these things.

Often, it's not the odds-on favorite that wins these things. Ooh! Excuse me a little bit up there. Anyway. I thought, well, listen to all of Eurovision, and then maybe to make money to buy this boat, if the song that I deem to be the song has distant odds, I'll put a little bet on that, you know?

I mean, some of these songs are going like 500 to 1 anyway none of them are great songs I don't think there's a great song I don't think there's a standout song there are a few good songs in Eurovision this year that we listen to make me dizzy from your kielses that's the very gay

England entry United Kingdom entry and Switzerland has a fantastic That's the very gay England entry, United Kingdom entry. And Switzerland has a fantastic, extremely gay entry. Some of the best entries this year are very gay. And I think that might split the gay vote. And I think that's how Eurovision works. I think actually you could just max out being gay and it doesn't hurt you.

Doesn't necessarily help you. But anyway, very gay competition. doesn't hurt you. It doesn't necessarily help you. But anyway, very gay competition. I love Eurovision. I didn't like last year. It was so satanic and sexual and boom, boom, boom, boom, boom. And this year there are more songs in it. But there's nothing like, I think it was 2022's Spaceman. 2022's Spaceman, 2022's Spaceman.

I could tell that was going to win. Obviously, it didn't win. Ukraine won. But I knew it was going to come second. And Ukraine had some other stuff going on that might have led people to support them over Spaceman. Stephanie. Stephanie. That was their song with With some raps.

It's not impressive to rap in a foreign language. It's not. It's impressive to rap in English because we have so many different sound endings, you know? If you're rapping in French, I don't know if that's clever. Your words all sound the same. What is the metric for wit? If you have four words being recycled with slightly different sounds at the start of them.

Answer me this. Just doing some big looks there for the video component. I think you should get something on the video component. Oh! I was going to say... Was I going to say? I don't know. We're going to Disney World tomorrow.

Gee, it's hot in this car. I was so excited by Branson. Anyway, we got into Austin. We got into Austin. By the way, I... Sorry, I've been up at 4 a.m. We got into Austin. By the way, I, sorry, I've been up at 4am the last two days. And the day before that was similar. So this may not be me at my most cogent. I may not be doing Branson justice. Or the Eurovision songs. Anyway, over on the

Patreon, I'll be discussing, if you want to discuss which Eurovision song you think will win, and we, you know, discuss a reasonable amount of money to put on the Eurovision song you think will win. And we discuss a reasonable amount of money. To put on the Eurovision song contest. There is a song. It must be said. That's pretty good. From Czech Republic. It's running at 500 to 1.

It might not be a winner. But it's not 500 to 1. It should be 5 to 1. 10 to 1. And at 500 to 1. If I put $1,000 on it, I have a boat. Now, I'm not going to do that because it's not going to win. But if I put, what, $100 on it, I get $50,000 if it wins.

$50,000. If I put, what, $200? I don't know the maths. I don't pretend to. No, sorry, $100. No, yeah, it would be. It would be $50,000. It's pedestal. It's called pedestal. And I thought, well, how is it possible that this Eurovision song, which is, it's up there with the better Eurovision songs. How is it running at $500 to one? And then I saw a little clip of the lady performing the song. of the lady performing the song.

And look, 501 might be... It wasn't a great clip. I mean, some of these other people are really turning it up. I don't know what the Czech Republic budget is for their Eurovision entry. I'll have to watch it again. I don't want to talk it down. Maybe I should be talking it down so that the odds lengthen even

more. Yeah, seriously, it's a pretty good song. It's just an Olivia Rodrigo song. But Euro Papa, which is also a great song in contention, that's just an Oliver Tree. Man's doing Oliver Tree. It's Oliver Tree in a thin disguise. Very. I'm really interested in betting on Eurovision. I try and be a good custodian of the money on this podcast. And at the moment, the money is just sort of getting us alive from place to place to do comedy and grow the listeners. It's paying for some very affordable accommodation in Branson. Oh, the beds were so, it's so big. Let me tell you, That is the way I've come... I've cracked the code.

I've cracked the code. Cracked the code, I believe, is the likely Eurovision song winner. I think that's the Sweden address. The Swiss in address? Swiss... Swiss-Swed... Switzerlander? Wouldn't pretend to know.

I was driving with a Switzerlander yesterday, Anna Freer. Oh, then we got to Austin and we parked and we had some wine and we had some ice cream and we put the kids to bed and we organized our belongings for the next day. And this Anna Freer came over to see us and Margot and do this drive and then spend some time with her family. But it's a big flight over from you. I mean, not a big flight in Australian context where, you know,

it's like flying from Adelaide to Perth or something, but it's a relatively long flight, and she came just to be with us and to help us do that drive and to spend some time with us and to see Margot and to go and see her family. Yes, but, like, I just want to emphasize that a big chunk of her holiday was spent just driving brutally across America. We didn't know we were going to have Branson. That was a gift. I'm so glad we did have Branson. Anyway, the fact that she did that with us and for us and by us,

it was magical, it was enchanting. Anna Freya is a wonderful person. There's a link to her sub stack below. I'll make sure I put that on. She's wonderful. I'll be in her debt forever. One of my favorite people in the whole world, Anna Freya. Great writer. Great musician.

Hire her for your string quartet if you run a good string quartet. It's not out of the realm of possibility that one of my listeners owns a string quartet. You can see the lightning crashing in the background there. We want to get out of this car as soon as possible. Is it good to be in a car when there's lightning? I don't know. What was I going to say? I was going to say something.

Anyway, now we're here. I'll talk about the current experiences later. But at the moment, that was the drive. It was wonderful. We've left Steubenville. We've left Notre Dame. We've got all that stuff in a secret location. I don't want it to be like a treasure hunt where I say where all my belongings are, but they are somewhere and we're going to go back to them. And then we're going to be in Austin for like a month and then Australia and then austin again and at some point there'll be a boat sooner rather than later if i pick the right eurovision entrance

can it be pedestal is it possible that pedestals this will be well go listen to it all the songs are out now if you want to you know you can write to me on Instagram and I probably will see it there. But if you also want to write to me on the Patreon, feel free to join. I want to shout out Branson. I want to, I'm going to write to Yakov Smirnoff and see if I can come back to Branson and open for him and his comedy club. He'll say no and I'll die. There's no way that I perform to the 2000 people who have come to see Yakov Smirnov, and they're satisfied with me and whatever it is that I'm bringing to the table. But I'm thinking about it. Hey, I should go. I should let you go, James Donald Forbes McCann. I think there's something I'm forgetting. I really think there's something I'm forgetting to talk about. But I think what's

actually happening is the love I have for Branson in my heart and for my friends and for my family. And it's indescribable. And it feels like there's something I should be saying, but actually it's just impossible to put that into words. It's a foretaste of heaven. When we look into our friends' faces and our family's faces, we see God. Also, we went to Bucky's. when we look into our friends' faces and our family's faces,

we see God. Also, we went to Bucky's. I should say that. Bucky's is outstanding. Bucky's is a gas station where they have fudge and clothes and hats and many refreshments. I think I'm overheating. Orlando's very hot. Hey, I love you. I miss you. I think I'm overheating. Orlando's very hot. Hey, I love you.

I miss you. I want you. I had so many. I was going to do advice. I was going to do some affirmations. Affirmation! Reach out and tell someone you love them. Affirmation!

Affirmation, go to Branson. Affirmation! Oh, I thought about throwing it all away and going to Branson. Affirmation! Frankly, one day in Branson was enough for me. I think we saw everything I really wanted to see in Branson. But with Branson, you never know.

Alright, I'm going to leave it there. Hey, this is James Donald Forbes McCann. This is the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran player. Keep it real. I love you. I miss you. I want you. I need you, catamaran player. Keep it real. I love you. I miss you. I want you. I need you.

Catamaran hug. If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest.

And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca.