The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - christian woman mode

Episode Date: March 11, 2024

Join the sailing club to contribute financially to James Donald Forbes McCann's journey to boat ownership: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccannBuy the several books written by James Donald Forbes McCann: https://www.jdfmccann.com/books Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.com. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! Hello and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. Coming to you live from my Toyota Sienna about halfway to Pittsburgh

where I'll be meeting up with Matt McCusker and a lovely man named Pedro. I opened for Matt last night at the Improv in Pittsburgh and I'll be doing it again tonight and tomorrow night. Of course, that will have happened by the time this has come out. And by the time you're listening to this, well, I would have gotten very drunk on Sunday. I've given up the sauce for Lent, but you still get to have it on Sundays. And I'm looking forward to getting on it.

Hey, now, Will, it actually has not been that difficult not to drink. Last year, I found it extremely difficult to not imbibe over Lent. And this year, it's just flying by, and I'm barely noticing it, possibly because i'm in different circumstances i'm not going out to bars very often and frankly i'm so tired that i do not really require any additional help switching the brain off at the end of the day but i have quit smoking uh for the time being not saying i'll never have a cigarette again but i haven't had a cigarette in four days i've been on the zins yesterday while driving. I popped a zin. It's like a little, it's a nicotine pouch that goes in the gum. And I popped it out

of there and I popped it on my knee, on my thigh, on my lower thigh towards the knee while driving. And then I popped it back in and it has stained. I didn't know that nicotine would stain a beige slack, but there you go. Hey, this is a podcast all about me trying to buy a boat. I'll let you know where we're at at the moment. Things are going pretty well. The Patreon has exploded. It's been a big week for the Patreon, and I think part of that is due to the last episode, which went very well. I got a lot of feedback about the last episode. I got one piece of negative feedback that I think, well, I'm going to talk about that in a bit, but it was good feedback.

I mean, it was negative feedback, but it was useful and I can incorporate it. At the moment, I'm on a journey. Well, I'm on the journey to boat ownership, but on that way, I'm on the journey to get women to listen to the podcast. I've noticed it's mostly men. It's overwhelmingly been men. So the easiest way, I think, to attract women to the podcast is to do an advice podcast. Of all the genres of woman podcast, that just requires you to be a smart aleck, and I'm capable of doing that. I had a conversation with my wife this week about trying to attract women to listen to the podcast,

and she basically said, don't do it. And I don't think she was doing it from the point of view of, I don't want women to be interested in my husband, and then coming up with a Byzantine explanation. She said, in my algorithm, I don up with a byzantine explanation she said in my algorithm i don't get many men i don't get many straight men it's a lot of gay men they want women to watch gay men but they will not give a lot of content from men to women in the algorithm it's an uphill battle and she said you're not gonna like the men that they push on women come to my youtube watch my youtube feed with me and look at the men that they push on women. Come to my YouTube, watch my YouTube feed with me and look at the men

that they push on women. And I watched a guy who like reviews family vlogs and his audience is apparently mostly women. He's a heterosexual man with a mostly female audience. Again, I don't want him. I don't need a mostly female audience. I'm just trying to get enough women to take their money to buy a boat. I'm very open. I'm very transparent about this, ladies. I want your money for boat ownership, a boat that you will never be allowed to go on. I watched this man whose audience is women. The first thing I notice is he talks. He looks at the camera, this guy, like it's his daughter, like it's a little girl, like soft, understanding, paternal, welcoming, and I get, yes, I mean, I barely have that vibe with my own children, but certainly to take that attitude and to turn it into a content, I did, I immediately

was, it was revolting. I wanted to beat that guy anyway. It was just something deep in my soul. What's he looking at me like that for anyway? It seemed psychopathic to me that someone would look at me with that kind of care and attention. Who I don't know. It's confronting. This is not what I wanted to.

I would say there is a mode of the heterosexual man talking to women uh for content and i think it's probably the reason for that is that it's sort of robbed of the sexual there's nothing sexual about it it's very light and um maybe that's a space that women feel more comfortable being spoken to by a man who reminds them of their dad rather than what they usually get when they're out and about in the world, which is a man who wants to partake in all sorts of improprieties. So I did the advice podcast last week. Some women did like it. Some women wrote in.

One woman, a woman who's very dear to me let me know that she she thought it started strong and maybe became offensive uh and was offended by a section that i was being very flippant with some of the advice and to be these were not people who had written to me for advice i was going through the guardians advice column anyway the episode's over it's the last one if you'd like to listen to it she was right it i don't think it gains me anything to be flippant. With people, if you want advice, you deserve advice to be given to you properly. And listen, I don't like giving advice. That's not what I want this podcast to become.

Oh, you better believe we're going to do it again today. Oh, you better believe we're doing it again today. But it's not long term. Maybe we'll doing it again today but it's not a long time maybe we'll factor it in in a small way ongoing on the podcasts and then we'll bring that back as a segment but it's i discovered early enough in hanging out in the stand-up comedy scene that people um tend to not want advice and when you give them good advice they don't want to hear it and all these it's just you know really mind your business is um is something that i try and fail to live by but man overall the feedback has been so positive about the last episode i see no choice but to jump

back in and do some more advice but to maybe mediate my impulse to be negative i uh well i asked on instagram for people to ask me questions and they did so i'm going to respond to some of those questions now i responded to more over on the patreon and some of them are asking for advice some of them are just broad questions i'm not gonna i'm not gonna answer all of them but we'll we'll. And the first one was, it was a good question. And I thought it deserved to be responded to properly. And if I can take someone asking me an earnest question and talk about it and turn that somehow into me having a boat,

I mean, it'd be silly not to pursue this as far as it will go. It's the easiest. Doling out advice is very easy you don't have to research anything you don't have to uh see how the advice bears out i've got no investment in other people's i don't have to live your life after you get the advice but ladies if you want the advice if you come to me asking for advice in such numbers that the listenership increases to the point where I can buy a boat from the advertising money? Look, I'm going to do it. And this one, so I got this one from a listener.

Hi, James. I have a question you can answer on your podcast if you want. I would be very curious. Such a good question. What your advice would be to someone who wants to get married? Do you think there are actions one needs to take? Or is it something that you just surrender to God or somewhere in between? I mean, I like so many things about this question.

It allows me to talk freely about God and marriage and the right thing to do. I swear off giving relationship advice wherever possible in a specific sense. Like if someone's like, oh, I want to break up with this person, should I do it? There's no good answer. Because if you say yes and they get back together, they cut you out of their life. They have to. They keep the relationship going because you've allowed yourself to be, well, you're a threat. By identifying you don't think that this couple should be together, you have identified yourself as a threat to the relationship.

And so if they do decide to go back to that partner, they don't want to be friends with you anymore. And on the other hand, if you say, yes, stick it out, and then they break up, you resemble to them someone who wanted them to be unhappy in a bad relationship and who didn't want the best for them. All my friends told me we should stay together because I'd never get anything better than him. It's just bad. It's silly and wrong. But in this more general sense, this opportunity to wax lyrical

about the theological input into whether or not one should get married, happy to do it. And if you're not a religiously spiritual person, maybe there'll be something here for you. But maybe not. Here's number one. It's better not to get married. This sings out of the letters written by St. Paul. He goes, it's better not to get married, but it's better to marry than

to burn. So if there's someone that you absolutely have to, if you can't control yourself, then get married to a person. But if not, having a wife is a big hassle. Having a husband is also a big hassle, but it doesn't go on, I don't think, quite as much about that. It's an encumbrance to be married to somebody. A Croatian priest in New Zealand once went on to me for a long time about how marriage, you're a cross for the other person, and they're a cross for you, and you're nailed together. That's really stayed with me. It's better not to get married if you don't have to.

Some people have a vocation, a calling. They are called to marry somebody. And this is, again, this is a point of the theology that I love. You don't have an abstract call to get married. You don't have it. Hold on. I'm getting a call. Hold on.

Hello. Kelly. Hi, I just hear from Rangim Consultants. Hello? Kelly? Nah, you've got the wrong number. Please stop calling me. Thank you. Man, there's a lot of scam calls in America. And they're all looking for someone called Kelly. I've got Kelly's number. They need to add another digit to the phone numbers to free up a little more space, is what I would personally...

What was I saying? Yes, you have a vocation to marry somebody, a specific person. Maybe. Maybe not. Maybe you don't have that. But that you, in a religious sense, you don't have a vocation to get married in general, which is not what the societal message is, right? The societal message is that's like a stage in life, and you'll probably marry when you're ready to get married. It's the person who's there. When you're ready to get married, it's the person who's there.

I've heard it described. My mom used to say, you know, you marry the person. It's like the last person you're dancing with when the music stops. Like people have their wild oats phase and they're with a lot of people. And then when they're ready to settle down, they go, well, who's here? Oh, it's you? All right, let's go ahead with that. This is, I do not think, a good way to decide if you're going to enter into marriage.

It's like wanting in the abstract to get married. There are so many things telling you to get married and that getting married is a good thing. And also, there are real fruits of marriage. Not every marriage, but a lot of them. There are incredible fruits. Little Richard, no. Do you know what I'm saying? Like having children, having a partner through life.

These are wonderful. Someone to fend off the doctors when they're trying to switch off your life support machine. It's good to have a partner. You want to help her. But it's also good not to have that. You lose so many things. So many spiritual fruits by having a family a life of quiet prayer is not a fact it's you can't have one you're not allowed you've got small children to look after or you know even if you don't have kids you've got the other person to look after you have to go out and provide for them you have to make money you have to be coarsened by work uh so if if your aspiration is and this question

involved god if your aspiration is to get closer to god don't get married priestly celibacy is good i can talk more about my feelings on that later but i really do believe that for your if you want to develop spiritually you want to do do that alone as best you can. Now, that's not to say you can't develop spiritually in a marriage or that there aren't other avenues open to that, but that they're frustrating. They're frustrating means. And look, I found the woman. I had a vocation to my wife. I uh i had a vocation to my wife i think she had a vocation

to me and uh and we did get married and i don't regret that at all because i don't think the alternative was open to me i don't think a solitary life i couldn't have gone on living that uh having met this woman the the thought of it fills me with horror and dread. And I love my family, and I do not regret my station in life at all. But I think that the beginning point is to say, rather than, oh, wouldn't it be good to get married? Well, wouldn't it be good to never get married and just to lead a beautiful, solitary life?

just to lead a beautiful solitary life. Not necessarily in religious order, but to not be called is a kind of calling. I don't think people are called to the single life. I don't think that's a real... People say that sometimes. I don't think that's legitimate. But if you don't have a calling, that's not nothing.

So that's my answer to the question is like do you need to be with that individual person uh if yes great if they're okay and you just want to be married to somebody don't do it break break up it's not worth it. It's not worth it. And man, I remember having girlfriends. Just long, I mean, lovely women. Not all of them, but some of them. And being so bored by these women. Just so angry at how trivial I found them. And it wasn't a problem with them.

It was just that I didn't have a vocation to marry them. And I sometimes imagine what it would be like marrying someone because you just wanted to get married. But you weren't enthusiastic about spending every single day together. I mean... You'd suck down a bullet. Pretty quick smart. If that had uh well i would and maybe you can maybe

you can just go out and you're shared and work hard and work very long at your job and have enough affairs that it's not a big problem but yeah don't if you if you if you can see a way that you could be happy not marrying someone i would say don't marry them and don't hold up getting married as a good thing. Marriage is something you have to do with one person. That would be my answer. That's my answer to that one. How long? Wow, that was a long answer.

See, it's so easy to make this podcast giving advice. I tried to do that one from the heart, baby. And we have many other questions as well. And let's look, let's go through some of them. Not all of them are advice-y ones, but why not? Why not go through just a couple more? Any advice for someone thinking of trying stand-up? I'm going to come back to that one

because I answered that over on the Patreon and I wasn't thrilled with my answer. Is it difficult to live the life of a faithful Catholic as you are beginning to really make it in comedy? No more difficult than it was when I was a very big failure with no prospect of making it in any direction at all. Which is to say, still very hard. Catholicism is a super hard religion, I find. For me.

I mean, I haven't been to confession in a while because I've been on the road and I've been pretty disorganized and I should find a way to do it either today or tomorrow I intend to make confession and this

also I don't love this I know it's the term used like faithful but I'm such an unfaithful, I'm such a great sinner that I would be embarrassed to introduce myself as a faithful Catholic. Because all my sins are very apparent, and there are many, and it's not just sex stuff. You know, I catch myself lying all the time. I know it's like faithful to the church.

I just, I mean, it's an aspiration. I would aspire to be a faithful Catholic at the moment. Yeah, I mean, I'm not a good person. And I go to Mass, I go to confession, I think about my soul, I would like to pray more than I do. That's sort of where my faith, and I believe it all. I absolutely, absolutely believe it all. But, I don't know, calling myself faithful seems ostentatious. But, I mean, just making it in, I mean, being in comedy, yeah, it's an unnatural way to live, being on the road. Nobody likes it.

Nobody loves being out on the road. You know, I'm going to open up my window because it's getting quite hot uh oh here we go here we here we go opening up but the window yeah eaten wrong i find that when i'm around uh comedians and then i come back to the i'm living in like a very catholic town studentville and i found yeah a couple weeks ago i came back and i realized that i was in a very gossipy mode and that i was looking to talk people down because the the way you talk is when you're with comedians is often like oh this guy he's doing this this guy i didn't like what he did there and it's constantly trying to define what is right and wrong, as well as being and including the being of funny. And that's not an appropriate mode elsewhere.

And maybe it's not an appropriate mode in comedy, and I should restrain myself from doing that. It's one of the many things I'll be confessing is what a gossipy, gossipy little boy I am. gossipy, gossipy little boy I am. But in general, I mean, at some point, maybe I'll have enough success that the Illuminati take me to the woods and I watch something simply unspeakable happen. But it hasn't happened yet. Nobody has asked for that to happen to me.

At the moment, I haven't been given that opportunity in show business. And so at the moment, I'm finding it... I mean, yeah, I always find it difficult to do anything good with my soul. The next question,

I mean, this is not an advice question. Hold on. Hello? Hello. Hi, good afternoon. I'm speaking with Kelly. You are not talking

with Kelly? But thank you for calling. I hope you have a wonderful day and please take me off the list. God bless. Next question. How do you feel about Australian comedy? I feel like I never heard you on the usual Oz pods. Is there beef?

This is, I mean, this is not, this is not asking for advice. This is just a fair question about my life. Yeah, sometimes. I definitely have had beef with people in Australian comedy before and I've not resolved all of it. But that would not be the in general reason

for why I wasn't on the podcast i've been on a bunch of australian podcasts um i've been on phone hacks i've been on confessions and i'm sure there's a third australian podcast that i've been on i went on josh earl's podcast i've been on the crowject that's adelaide crow's podcast but it's not much to do with comedy i tell you the i mean the big reason that's an adelaide crows podcast but it's not much to do with comedy i tell you the i mean the big reason that i don't often go on podcasts is because i live in adelaide in australia and the scene there is not uh there aren't a lot of big podcasts to go on there are some hello wormholes there are some but uh yeah i i lived briefly in Melbourne I lived briefly in Sydney I lived briefly in Melbourne

again and I have decent relationships with people in both cities and I think people would have me on their podcasts but I certainly I didn't invest a lot of time hanging out there and making I've got some close friends in both cities but I wouldn't say I was a prominent um part of the scene that would be the bigger problem geography not beef and then also early on in my career I was pretty argumentative um and definitely there are people out there who would remember me as a fairly unpleasant person, which I am. I've taken none of it back. Everyone I told to quit comedy, you should quit comedy.

Get out. You're nothing. You're hopeless. Excuse me. Something just bubbled out of me there. I haven't changed at all. I'm wearing a mask, you dog. No, but seriously, folks, here is a little song that I've been working on.

God bless you. God keep you. Cad Moranho. Bye-bye. Bye. Bye. ស្រូវាប់បានប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្រូវាប់ប្ Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.

Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye. Bye.