The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - decaf americano

Episode Date: October 2, 2022

I am going to America. Also, I had some questions about instant decaf.Partake of my #1 bestselling book of poems, Marlon Brando 9/11: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B0B92NWWDCGet the audiobook and join the Patreon, and more: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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How can I be better? How can I be strong? How can I love myself again? How can I find a shred of self-respect, a little piece of dignity, in this ugly world. Just listen to the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. That's it? Yes. That's all I have to do? Yes. That seems, that seems too straightforward. You poor fool. Nothing could be less straightforward. Wait, everybody, I think this is supposed to be the episode where James talks about going to America. I thought it was the one where we all laugh in a haunting fashion. No. America, America, America.

Land of the free, home of the brave, drive-by shootings, corporations pollutants, lizos or flutants, in a way that's hurt people's feelings apparently. I'm not reading too much about it. Hello, this is James Donald Forbes McCann for the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan and I'm here to let you know that I am coming to America. I'm coming to America in October. I'm going to go, I'm going to do some gigs. I'm going to meet some people. I'm going to further the catamaran interests of this podcast and grow us out to new markets. Hello, by the way, to all of our American listeners. We've got about 14. And I tell you this, if all 14 of you were in the same place, I would come and I would do a show.

And I would, you know, I'd say, hey, can we all maybe bring one friend? Can we get this? Can we please get this up to 30? That'd be 28 of you plus me and maybe a technician. And I could do 30. I could do 28 payers. Woo!

$20 tickets, $600. That would pay for the flights for me to get anywhere to do that one show. Sadly, we do not have an American fan base all in one location. You are scattered. Scattered wild like seeds in a field that have been scattered by accident. Do you know what I'm saying? Anyway, we've got to focus on this trip to America. I keep coming up with other plans and other ideas. And then I go, oh, goodness me. Have I agreed to go to America? A place that I have never been.

A land of the free. Home of the brave. Did I say that already? A land of the free. Brave. It's a pity that every other land is full of cowards and all the other homes that people are shackled.

Did I get that the wrong way around? I think I did. I'm in Wagga Wagga. I'm tired. There's no use hiding the fact that I'm an exhausted shell of a person and that this is going to be one of those podcasts where you go Jimmy! Couldn't you have recorded that a bit earlier after a good night's sleep sometime earlier in the week?

Is there any need to bring your cognitive difficulties and lifestyle problems here to me? They say a burden shared is a burden halved. Quite the contrary, a burden shared is a burden doubled. Because now I'm dealing with your burden. I didn't used to know about it, how about a stiff upper lip son, nah but seriously I mean, I'm very tired, last night I did a gig at the Rhino Room, I was emceeing and they told me beforehand, someone hasn't shown up tonight, they said something like that, they're one act down and they said can you do a bit long in the first can you do 20 minutes before you bring the first act on i said absolutely so i get up there and i'm just talking i didn't really hit material

i was just having a chat with the audience and a light starts going off and i say to the the technician i said henry the technician what's going on with the bloody light up there mate and he basically says i'm lighting you you've been up there, mate? And he basically says, I'm lighting you. You've been up there for a long time. And I went, oh, okay. And I got off the stage. I brought the first act on. I had spoken for 35 minutes. It didn't feel like I'd spoken to them for 35 minutes, but I have it on relatively good authority that I opened the show for 35 minutes, which is a faux pas. Usually, I like doing it, you know, they say, can you do 10 to 15, mate? And I err on the side of the 10 every single time. I just want to be up and down, in and out. But they go, do 20. And I

just lost all sense of what 20 meant. And boy, I don't remember everything that I spoke about with the good people of the runner room last night but I'm pretty sure from the noises that some of them were making some of it was inappropriate and I'll thank anyone who took a recording not to leak that to the media those were not jokes That was an unedited stream of consciousness mistake. And it's frankly weird when you're riffing for time to pass. I must have gone okay because it didn't feel like 35 minutes. But I don't think it went great. I think I was just in one of those moods where you shouldn't be allowed to perform.

Anyway, you know how it is. So I did that show. be allowed to perform anyway you know how it is so i did that show after the show went out had a had a beverage or two with a variety of persons you know good people Wrote some poems. Wonderful. Came home. 12. Had to be up at 4am to go down to the airport this morning where I flew on a Rex flight to Melbourne. And then I flew from Melbourne. After that had landed, I flew from Melbourne to where I am now. Glorious Wagga Wagga. I love Wagga Wagga. Not the first time we've spoken about Wagga Wagga on the show. I'm doing a hurricane trip to Wagga Wagga. I've been booked to play somebody's birthday party. I'm doing a quiz for them.

And I'm staying with the stirrits. If you go back and you listen, I won't tell you exactly where it is because I don't remember, but if you go back and listen to the previous Wagga Wagga episode, you can hear a quite unwilling interview that I did with the Steerrits. So rather than do that now, I've just quite, I've discreetly taken myself away into a studio that they have. They have like an acting studio and I'm surrounded by costumes. So many costumes, so many characters. I think it's like an acting school where they teach kids to act and like have self-confidence and that sort of thing, which is great. Acting is a great way to give people self-confidence. I've never known anyone to have more self-confidence than actors. Those people don't have any horrifying personality disorders whatsoever.

He joked in a humorous fashion, knowing full well that actors are really not switched on, on, by and large, in the not having a disorder department. Oh, I just ate a big spicy laksa and I feel sick. Oh, I am tired. How about a stiff upper lip, son? Green light. The current beating us back against the shore, ceases into the past. Great Gatsby. But you don't need to know that. You need to know that we're going to make it even harder and more difficult for my family and I when I go to America. Be in America. I am in the current process of writing letters

and recording videos, but mostly writing letters to people who live in America who I would like to interview. I think that's a pretty good way of building up a podcast, building up listeners, building up money, buying a boat. The issue with talking to Australian celebrities, even if I do put in the work to talk to them, is there's a very limited number of people who are interested. You know what I'm saying? Just geographically through time hey everybody today on the podcast we are talking to gary ablett senior and that's really interesting if you enjoyed football in the, I don't know, 80s and 90s, and by football, you mean AFL,

which is enjoyed in many, but not two of the biggest, Australian states. Like, we don't even get national, let alone international. Do you know what I'm saying? But if you interview someone in America, man, the coverage is enormous. So I've got a list of people i'd like to interview in america i'll read some of them to you now uh makara tours is at the top of my list she's a youtuber i have been watching her videos with my wife for ages she makes costumes if i could ever be a tv producer on a show i would have it be like a costume making show, like Project One Way, but for costumes. And I think Makara Tewas has had this idea herself, but I would cast her to be, you know, she would be in charge. She would be a combination of the

Heidi Klum and the Tim Gunn characters. Makara Tewas, wonderful, would be a thrill to speak to Makara Tewis. Number two, Kanye West. So many questions for Kanye. I can't imagine he'll find time. This is a long list and there are lots of people on it. I don't need to read the whole list, but we're casting the net wide for the best possible results.

Azalea Banks. Pusha T. Philip Glass. Mac DeMarco. Andrew Byrd, Future Islands, Julian Casablancas. A lot of these are musicians. I think I just went through my Spotify and I looked up who I was listening to. And then most of them were Americans.

And I thought, gosh, it'd be good to talk to them. And then you get to someone like a James Brown. You go, no, he's dead. He is too dead. I don't think I'll be able to speak to him. The New Polity people, Matt Fradd. They live in a place called Steubenville, where I'm hoping to visit. Okay, who else?

Oh, Rufus Wainwright. Nathan Field. Emma Chamberlain. Conan O'Brien. So many people. So many people. Steve Martin. Sam Tallon.

Dan Carlin. Tim Gunn. I love Tim Gunn. Heidi Klum, I'd also like to speak tolin. Tim Gunn. I love Tim Gunn. Heidi Klum I'd also like to speak to, but Tim Gunn from Project Runway. And also making the cut. One of my absolute favourites. You know, and the list goes on. There's no need to do the full list.

But I affirm that I will continue writing to those people and adding to that list and do a really uh bad gig to almost nobody in a room that looks impressive to an Australian audience I can put on Instagram and have people go wow whoa I just don't have time for that if I was you know if I was a single man if I didn't have responsibilities and a job and a family I, I'd go and bum around America and have a nice time and have no steaks. But I'm there to break through like a hot butter. No, like a what? Like a hot knife. That's it. Like a hot knife in butter, scraping that little bit of butter over too much bread. Things are actually going really well. It's very nice to be here in Wagga.

I wish I was doing another show as well, but next time, there just wasn't enough time. There's too many things on. And the move, man, my wife is such a beautiful, wonderful person. She's working so hard, she's got the kids for a couple of nights while I'm away, and then while I'm in America, oh, she'll be doing more, and dad'll be there, you know, and mum will help out, and friends, and community, but I don't want to lean on that for longer than I have to. I want to get into America. I want to crack that coconut and suck the juices. There's a lot of weak metaphor, simile-type stuff going on in this episode.

I apologize. Affirmation! We're going to have less. You know, if you come out and you're a poet if you release a book of poetry marlon brando 9-11 available now on amazon number one best-selling book of poetry in australia and then you're on here going you know just repeating the same tired metaphor over and over again how much faith and confidence can people have that you know what's going on? Affirmation! I wrote some poems recently. If you'd like one, if you'd like to read a poem, would you like a poem?

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And did I mention that it's super easy? Just go to Rakuten.ca, click on a store or deal and shop like normal. Cash back will automatically be added to your account and you can get it by PayPal or check. Join for free at Rakuten.ca or get the Rakuten app. That's R-A-K-U-T-E-N. Here's a poem. Do you know this sort of woman? She asks a question, and you begin to answer.

And just as you're starting to answer, just as you're rounding the turn of the answer, she says, oh, well, that's like, and then she says something that's absolutely nothing, nothing at all like where you were going. And so you don't actually get anywhere near to the meat and potatoes of what was going to be a pretty good answer, actually. And you realize, oh, after the fifth or sixth year of this happening you're never gonna be allowed to answer this woman is playing verbal squash but you're not the other player you are the wall you're here to facilitate some sort of illusion that a conversation is taking place do you know this sort of woman i suppose it doesn't have to be a woman.

A man could be like that too. I do it all the time. Yeah, I guess these aren't poems. I guess these are just short monologues with line breaks. But hasn't that been what poetry has been for the last couple of hundred years? Hmm? T.S. Eliot? Boy, it'd be good to see if we could interview T.S. Eliot while we were in America except that I think he spoke it was mostly in England towards the end and he's been dead for a long time well Bye.チャンネル登録をお願いいたします Să vă mulțumim pentru vizionare! And now a new segment called For Quality and Training Purposes. And now a new segment called For Quality and Training Purposes. Hello, my name is James. Can I just check up the top that this is being recorded for quality and training purposes?

Yes, it is. Fantastic. I've just had one of your... It was actually brought into my house, the Decaf Instant Coffee. The Decaf Instant Coffee? Yeah, this is Neffay Blend 43 Decaf. Yeah, okay, yep.

I just had a- What happened? Oh, it was fine. I think someone just bought it by mistake when they were trying to buy regular instant coffee yeah yeah okay but i just just out of interest not to not to complain or change anything but i was just wondering who is that product for uh generally people who are trying to avoid caffeine in their coffee yeah that was my thinking, because normal decaf you'd go, I love the taste of coffee, but I don't want to be caffeinated. And in normal instant coffee you'd just go, well I don't really care how

this coffee tastes, I just need some caffeine this morning. But who is the instant, not very nice tasting and also no caffeine who buys that? Who's that marketed to? Okay. So basically your question, you're saying it doesn't taste nice? Well, I mean, not as a value judgment, but that it's an instant coffee which serves its purpose of immediacy of serving. Like I think if instant coffee tasted the same as all the other coffees, I mean you wouldn't wait around for a French press like a dunce, would you?

You'd just bloody get that instant coffee ready to go. It's the speed of the instant coffee that adds that kick, you know? Yeah. There might be instant coffee aficionados and people who prefer it out there. I'm not sure. But I think they don't do it at, like, cafes and things, where people get a bit fancy about it, you know? So I was just wondering if, yeah, if this isn't for people who want the taste

of coffee and it's not for people who want caffeine, what is the – what's the intersecting part of that Venn diagram? Because it's – well, I guess it's a bit subjective in terms of the taste because it's meant to taste as close to the normal caffeinated instant coffee as possible yeah just without the caffeine no i'm with you i'm with you that's what i know that's what i mean though right because it tastes similar to the instant coffee yes but the only reason you have the instant coffee is to get a quick dose of the caffeine without, you know, because you're hungover and you're afraid you might burn your hand on an espresso machine

or something. Do you know what I mean? Yes. Yes. But it actually doesn't have as much caffeine. I think it's got like 0.1 gram per 100 gram of caffeine. In the decaf one? In the decaf one. In the decaf one.

Yeah, that's what I mean. So like what is the, what's the teleological end of an instant decaf? That you want the taste of the coffee, not necessarily the kick, but just the taste of the coffee. So it's for people who want the taste of instant coffee? Yes.

All right. Not necessarily the kick. Well, good to... That's the taste. And they're out there. I mean, obviously, that's a product at the supermarket. So that is being... Yes.

Do you know what percentage of people are buying that version compared to the regular version? I'm not sure, to be honest, in terms of the specific percentage, but it's quite a significant one. Really? We actually, I think the past two weeks, we were out of stock of the product and with so many people calling. So in terms of statistics, I'm not really sure, to be honest.

No, but you're saying anecdotally there is a demand that if people don't get their instant coffee, they get shirty about it. Yeah, we actually had an influx of calls from people who actually wanted the product when it was out of stock, the Plus 2e. Wow. Yeah. Well, I'm sorry to have contributed to that by accidentally having it at my house for a while.

And I'm sorry that you've had to endure those calls. But thank you so much for talking me through that. I don't feel – can I – what sort of person? I mean, were these like – did they sound insane, these people who were calling? Who? Do you know what I mean? Because why would you, I'm just trying to get at the nub.

Why would anyone ever want, you know, if there's only instant coffee to place, you go, wow, bloody hell, I've got to have some instant coffee because if I don't have any coffee, I am a mess, you know. Yeah. That really is the only situation where one is driven in the contemporary society to it. No, no negativity, no negativity about it. You know, we all have to, you know, and that's an important role to have in society. We all have an important role.

The emergency tyre in the back of the car doesn't go the same speed as the other tyre, but it's got to be there. But so you're saying people were furious. They were actually furious, to be there. So you're saying people were furious? They were actually furious, to be honest. Especially people with heart palpitations, people who've got medical conditions where they've been told not to or to avoid some caffeine in their product.

Yeah. But then I guess it's the people who have been used to having the normal instant coffee and then they've just been given that sad news by the doctor that, It's for people who have been used to having the normal instant coffee. And then they've just been given that sad news by the doctor that, oh, you need to avoid coffees or anything that's got caffeine in them. And then so this is the next best alternative. They still want the taste of the coffee. Maybe not necessarily the coffee hit, just the taste of the coffee. And And they've just been told they have to avoid caffeine.

So the next best option would be the decaf. Especially for most of the people who were calling us about it, the people who are having issues with heart palpitations and they're like, oh, I really need to have the coffee, but I can't have the normal coffee because I've just been told to get off it. So, yeah, from what I remember in terms of the people who are calling, it was basically those people who've got medical conditions and who've been told not to have caffeine in the product.

Do you think there's been an uptick in recent years of people with those heart palpitations? Oh, for sure. I reckon that's the vaccine. I reckon that's myocarditis. You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah yeah not sure about the no no absolutely you shouldn't take an editorial line on it but that's my suspicion but i'll let you go thank you so much for helping to answer that for me that's okay that's all right and the

only thing that you bought this product no it was my dad actually who brought it in. And then we were standing around the kitchen going, who's that for? But, I mean, you know, I mean, it exists as a product in mainstream supermarkets, so someone's buying it. Maybe I'll have to lurk out there and ask people. But, yeah, I really appreciate that. Thank you so much. It's okay.

That's all right. Thank you for calling. No worries. You have a good one. You too. Bye. Well, this has been this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan podcast. I love you. If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered.

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