The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Drive by shooting

Episode Date: April 17, 2022

Melbourne shows have been cancelled! Very sorry. You can get a refund. More shows will be coming soon.Vitally, the Catamaran Plan Patreon mug special goes on. Everybody on the Patreon by the end of this month will be sent a hand drawn mug (I will do the hand drawing). Join here: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccannYes, a gun went off (we think). Also, I think everybody is fine. Still, looking forward to getting out on the open road for a few days! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered.

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Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Oh, I have some sad news. Sad news for Melbourne listeners. We've cancelled the shows in Melbourne. There will be no James Donald Forbes McCann's Aesthetic in Melbourne. I want to thank the very large number of people who bought tickets. 23. And you can get a refund. And there are so many other great shows that you can go and see at the festival.

Lies. I'm sorry I won't be there. I will be back in Melbourne soon. We're planning something very special here at James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan HQ that involves a big spectacular show in Melbourne. A James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan extravaganza. And it's going to be great. But for now, I just want to say I'm sorry. No Melbourne shows coming up.

I don't know what I'm going to do instead. I think I'm going to go on a road trip with my family and just be together and also take this opportunity to recover. The health has not been good post-surgery, post... Oh, after the last podcast, I had gastro for a few days. I won't go into too much detail because I'd had gastro before that podcast. But then the gastro went to a whole nother place. And boy, oh boy, it was...

Oh, that sounded like a gunshot. Oh, that definitely sounded like a gunshot. Hold on. I'm going to be more quiet. Walking down the stairs. Did not sound like a car backfiring. Did not sound like a firework. Did you hear that?

Yep. That was definitely a gunshot. Yep. Get the kids up the back of the house, maybe, or what? Fuck now. All right, I don't know. I'll keep recording this podcast later. It's the next day after the shooting.

We got through the night. I'm joined here by Jack who came over. Hello, Jack. Hello, James. Thank you for having me. Listeners, dedicated listeners, will remember Jack from when I called to tell him about ripping a stich on my circumcision because of the pro. Yes, C-men

and C-women, thank you for joining me again. Hopefully we won't have any more about James's podcast. I'll be editing out everything I've just said. I'll be bleeping. I'm a big believer in bleeping. Now, I played you the footage of the shooting. That's real.

Drive by footing. Drive by footing. It's late. I tried to record it early, the podcast um to have it out on time and then of course there was the shooting and i've just been a bit shaken up when did the footing happen though was that before or after the i assume it was a bad case of the footing that had to result in a pistol being fired well i didn't hear the shot on the audio as of course the audience wouldn't have heard it either,

so I'm not really sure that it happened at all. And this was a thinly veiled excuse to have me on the podcast, James. It's a creative ruse. Let's open the meeting. Let's open the meeting. Where am I? Where's the gavel? Have we got a gavel?

I still haven't found the gavel. Good to know you're a listener. Thanks for that. Here we go. Actually, I would have just told you that as a friend. And you came to the art auction where there was no gavel. I was there, yeah. Gosh, I live a very public life.

All right, we'll use Tabasco. Meeting open. Item number one, the shooting. I am afraid to continue living in this suburb, and I'd like to move our family out of here. But there's such lovable riffraff around here. Aren't they they're really it's not them that i have a problem with it's the people who turn up and shoot at them i never leave anything expensive in my car when i come to your house but you can you can they

won't steal i'd like to believe that i once had a parcel delivered while we were away it was my crumb beanie and some meth heads tried to nick it out of our- I remember this. Yeah, they tried to nick it out of the mailing box, posting box, the box in which we have our mail. Boy, I'm in no fit state to do this. But the meth heads from across the street chased them down. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

And I've always been touched by that. They look after their own. I find that very beautiful. But I'm not one of their own. That's why I worry about my car because they would be like, this car only comes past every now and again. Under my protection. It's the cars that only come by now and again that they really have to pay care to

because that's probably clientele. I just want us to move. I want us to be in a new place where there's no violence. There's only love. The Adelaide Hills is where I'd most like to go. But people listening to the podcast should know that one of my plans that I've had and not really spoken too much about is to buy, is to use the money for the catamaran to buy a caravan,

the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan caravan. Interim plan. Yes, as an interim so that we don't have to spend money on rent. Money can just go towards the catamaran plan. And then we can tour as a family. And I'll just do a series of live shows, the money of which goes towards the boat. So it's the James Donald Forbes McCann caravan interim plan while we save money to get the catamaran. We'll see if we can get a catchier name.

That's why I like the James Donald Forbesccann catamaran planned extravagan i played you that part of it too oh good times are happening so we've got to move out of here um you were saying though what i really you said about the rba was it the head of the rba i think it was the other i can't remember it was i don't don't quote me on that because i was very ridiculous but it was someone who was saying someone important who knows about the economy yeah you were watching

and what did they say they said that there's two classes of Australians now there are the property owners and the non-property owners and essentially

that's the class system that we've built yeah which is very and then he said there was a detail after that that you said that stayed with me

I think he said something like as a woman if you know a young woman going into aged care, you know that she's decided to never buy a house. Isn't that a beautiful place that we've gotten to as a nation? Some people... I spoke to Tay about this. Or you know a middle-aged man going into comedy.

Am I middle-aged at this point? Well, I'm about to hit middle-aged. Oh, you're about... Well, gosh. gosh i mean we're just never gonna i hope the house prices collapse but then i know all these young people have worked so hard and bought houses and they'll have to suffer well that's one edit point that i'll have to put in now ah she's just spontaneously working up a little bit she's back down she's got a cough the poor

deal we've all been so unwell. Okay, so that's number one. We've got to move out of this house. Number two, Melbourne. You've heard that. We've cancelled the Melbourne shows. No more details to go into. So sad for the Melbourne people.

Both of them who are going to come. Point number three. No, a lot of them. Road trip. Since yesterday, since mentioning that, the road trip is really coming along. I think we're going to go to the Riverina region and then down through the Alpine region. And I'm going to print out at Officeworks tomorrow.

Now, I don't know if that crying will be audible. It's not me crying. It's not. Audience, good audience. It's a child. It sounds so much sadder. See men and women see men. It'd be so fine.

Why are you saying see men and see? I couldn't even. I'm so tired yeah i didn't even get it was a nautical thing yeah it was a nautical thing yeah i think that was in an earlier version i'm also gonna there will be some it um what am i hold on where am i where am i oh we're gonna go on this right trip just as a family we're just gonna hang out um but the main thing I wanted to get to was the mugs, Jack. And I want to talk about the mugs.

You're not a member of the Patreon. I'm not a member of the Patreon. I've already got a horrendous mark. No, well, you've... People always need more beautiful mugs in their life. I need a more beautiful mark. That's true, yeah. But I'm glad that you know about the... Do you know how many people we've got on the Patreon now?

Four? 19. Wow. Yep, we've got on the Patreon now? Four? 19. Wow. Yep, we've got 19 people. We've almost got $200 a month, which is enough to buy a boat, if there's no inflation, within four lifetimes. That's wonderful.

I know. That's just going to keep coming down the more you go over 19. Oh, the more? Yes. Yeah, it'll get shorter and shorter. And at some point, it'll be $800. That'll be my lifetime. But we want to drive more than 19 people? Yes. Yeah, it'll get shorter and shorter. And at some point, it'll be $800. That'll be my lifetime. But we want to drive more than 19 people towards it.

If you join the James Donnett listener, if you... Jack, obviously, can't join it. Yes, for conflict of interest. I'm too good a friend with you to give you money. To support this idea? That's right. Oh, golly gosh. Well, if you join, dear listener, you get a mug.

You get a hand-drawn mug. The other one's woken up. Perhaps we should sit outside. Jack has gone home. We had a wonderful chat. It went on for another, I don't know, half an hour or so, and it was a great chat, and I thought, you know what? I am well overdue for uploading this episode,

so I'm going to edit that up, and I'm going to put that on the Patreon. So there's another treat for people joining the Patreon to pay for me to go on the journey to boat ownership. Not only will I be sending you a special hand-drawn mug if you're on the Patreon by the end of the month, but if you're enjoying that chat and you go, that was much too short, well, you can listen to the rest of it on the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan Patreon.

One thing that I didn't mention during the chat that I started to mention there is on this road trip that we are going to go on, I think as a family, I think we'll head off on Thursday, I'm going to print up a bunch of flyers and posters for the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan and put them in country towns across the Riverina region and then the Alpine region so I've got I've got I mean I've got a map of some of the places that I'm thinking of of having us turn into I think uh uh we might we might drive through Berry and where And where else? Renmark. That's a good one.

Mildura. I don't think I've ever been to Mildura. Really looking forward to it. Now, from there, we could go down to Echuca, or we could go to Griffith. I know nothing about Griffith. Wagga Wagga. I'm looking forward to coming to Wagga Wagga.

I'm going to try and hear Mass at Wagga. Canberra. I think that would be a good midpoint in the journey. And then to loop around from Canberra, the greatest country town of all, down through Kosciuszko National Park, through Bright, and maybe we'll even clip Melbourne on the way through.

I think we've got time. We've got time to do it as a family, and I'm really looking forward to doing it, and I'm going to flyer those areas, and then hopefully, you know, when it gets to the point when we have the caravan, and we have the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan extravaganza, who knows, maybe people will have seen those flyers and posters

from this trip that we're going on, put up as an afterthought, and we'll build little communities out there of people who love the show and then there will be audiences for me to go and see and perform to you'd never know when you're planting seeds what's going to happen and of course once i have my boat um well actually sometimes you do know what happens when you plant seeds if you have good horticultural practices. If you chuck seeds randomly out a window, maybe something will come of it. That's really what I'm trying to say.

And all these places we're going to are inland. So good for us to see them now as a family before I get the boat, because I suppose I won't be able to see them very often once I have that boat life. So really looking forward to going on this trip. Very sorry not to be at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. Sorry that the people in Melbourne won't be able to see the show. Not at all sorry not to be performing at the Melbourne Comedy Festival. That shits fuck. For the open letter this week, I'd just like to do a quick roundup on all the previous open letters. So that's, I'll try not to forget anybody, but Luke and Lewis, So that's, I'll try not to forget anybody, but Luke and Lewis, Michael Hing, the Big Natural Talents podcast, the Worst Idea of All Time podcast, Amos Gill and Jim Jefferies, and of course, the Midflight Brawl podcast. If any of you are listening, because I know probably you've got the open letter and you've just continued listening and you think, I will get around at some point to doing that.

Well, now's a good time to get around to it. I'm going on this road trip, but I can still do a podcast with you if they, you know, I'll find a place in the Riverina. I'll go up a very high mountain when I'm in the Alpine Territory, putting up a flyer on the top of Mount Kosciuszko with the family. And I'll see if I get reception up there and we can maybe do a podcast then. And here's some affirmations. I affirm that even though it's not clear what direction life is taking and even though I've had some terrible health

and some difficult professional developments, I will keep going with this asinine podcast catamaran idea. I want to thank our swelling legions of listeners. That's an affirmation, sort of. Affirmations. I want to affirm that we're going to keep pushing this. We've got until the end of the month to join, to get you a mug, and I affirm that we'll get to 20.

We're on 19 now. I affirm that we'll get up to 20. I want to thank you all for listening,. I want to thank you all for listening. And I want to thank you all so much, especially to the people of Melbourne. I have a special song dedication that I've written. Of all the songs that I've written on my garage band, this is one of my favourites. This one is called Brad's Glove. It's one of my most heartfelt and I think moving pieces.

It's hard to tell as the artist what's heartfelt and moving, you know, and what's going to move other people and what just has important resonance for you. But I think this is an important one. So dedicated to the people of Melbourne. This is a song called Brad's Glove. I love you. Catamaran ho.

I'll see you all soon. Can't wait for this. Vacay on the road. Thank you to Jack. Sign up to the Patreon to get the full length version. Have a good one. Keep it real. Believe in yourself.

Auf Wiedersehen. Okay. Bye. Everybody come on Thank you. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessi Crookshank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com.