The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - El Rancho

Episode Date: July 12, 2025

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Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, you'll look, you'll find a way. Catamaran plan! James, James, James, James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan special road trip episode. I'll start, I'll start again. Oh, Aaron El Rancho. We started the drive yesterday from Austin, Texas,

and we drove all the way up to Lubbock, Lubbock, Lubbock. It's where Texas Tech University is, and I only heard about one or two people say it. I cannot for the life of me remember how to say the name of that town. But that was about as far as we could get with the kids in the car in a single day's drive, the home of Buddy Holly. That's where John Denver went to college. It's a wonderful thing.

We got to see almost none of it. We got to see the Doubletree Hilton, where a splendid autistic night watchman took incredible care of us, gave us cookies and entertained the children. I love him I love the if you ever go through Lubbock Lubbock whatever that towns called. I Cannot recommend enough Rocking up at night and getting to hang out with the autistic night watchman It's a real if you're at the double tree Hilton great guy. I

Stacked my whole reputation It was a difficult day. We'd set out very late. It was only like a six hour drive and I can usually do more than that in a day even with the kids in the car. But we set out at 3 p.m. because the car got a flat tire and we were almost going. Well, do we just put it off another day? But if you put it off another day then the kids get their house messy again and so we just said we'll just go as far as we can and we did and it was a joy. It was a real happiness. Home of Buddy Holly.

We listened to some Buddy Holly. Oh, the roller coaster. I hadn't paid much attention to Buddy Holly before, but now I'm sad he died young. What a superstar. And then after that today we drove across New Mexico I like we're on the we're on the precipice of entering into Arizona now I love New Mexico when we came into New Mexico we'd been I don't know driving for a couple of hours and kids you know they want to go to the toilet you know how they want

to do you know how they want to go to the toilet. You know how they want to, do you know how they want to go to the toilet? Some of you don't know that. Some of you think I've hooked my children up to catheters and, um, the colostomy bags, but no, they do. They do want to go to the toilet. And there was a Billy the kid museum and I'm not a big, I don't know much about the wild wild west, but I thought let's all right, this is the best place to stay. There's not a lot of round. reminds me of the Adelaide Melbourne Drive at certain points I said alright, well, we'll pull in here. We'll go to the Billy the Kid Museum as tiny town

We went to the Billy Kid Billy the Kid excuse me. I Don't think his last name was kid we went to the Billy the Kid Museum and I bet you're thinking Just the way you thought that kids would need to go to the toilet I bet you're thinking I bet they've got lots and lots of Billy the Kid stuff at that museum and probably really only things that are related to Billy the Kid you'd be wrong you'd be very wrong they've got, they've got at least one. I remember seeing one Billy, they've got his rifle. They've got, well not, I don't even know if he had it for a long time, but they've got a rifle that he had for at least some time. I didn't, I don't

think I saw a second thing that Billy the Kid owned but they had thousands of things I love the Billy the Kid Museum I love the autistic night watchman in Lubach Le Bec I love the Billy the Kid Museum that seems to just have the rifle and then all this other stuff it's like they started the Billy the Kid Museum and I talked with the people who ran it I think it's been in the family since the 1950s. The man's grandfather started it. Now he's got his daughter working there. That's one, two, three, four, four generations of people

working in this Billy the Kid Museum. And you know, you go in and at the back of the museum, I don't know how to tell you at all. There's a great, there's Billy the Kid's gravestone replica. You think that's where he, I thought that's where he was buried, because they've got the gravestone. You know, I cross myself,

say a little prayer for the soul of Billy the Kid, and then there's a plaque next to it, and the plaque says, this is not where Billy the Kid is buried. This is what the gravestone looks like it's about five miles away you go oh and you go next to it and there's a it's like a cell with beautiful old iron bars on it you go i'll go in there we'll take a little photo take a little photo in the in the cell where Billy the Kid there's a literally it says on the plaque

this we got these bars from a completely different place and it says down the bottom it has nothing at all to do with Billy the Kid. I mean on your way there there's some paintings of some guys who played football a sport that I don't think had been invented at the time of Billy the Kid. There's an SS helmet, there's a Nazi war helmet. That ideology, pretty sure National Socialism, I don't think Adolf Hitler had been born by the time Billy the Kid died, maybe he had. There's, you know, antique cars, but antique, I mean, I think they were from the 1950s. And what I love so tenderly about the Billy the Kid Museum is clearly they've started to Billy the Kid. They've gone, we've got the rifle.

All right, we know what the gravestone looks like. We can do something that looks like that. How hard is it to bang up some iron bars? All right. So we've got those things. Is this enough for the... Is that enough for a Billy the Kid museum? But we don't have anything else related to Billy the Kid. And someone goes, well I've got an inkwell. I go, what? I go, yeah, well my brother, he has a cool looking inkwell. Does it have anything to do with billy? No nothing Still it's nice to look at all right get that in there

Do we have some old guns? after and before Billy the kids time yeah, we do Put them up on a wall Right now can we do some? Paintings does anyone know how to paint I sort of know how to paint all right you paint just paint Billy the kid over and over again what else uh Nazi war helmet sure and there was so much there was a there was a hearse with a child's coffin in it, an old antique hearse that would have been

carried by horses with a child's coffin. There was, my goodness, from the 1950s there was a stuffed Siamese calf. There was a calf that had been taxidermied that had some, I'll be very quiet until you close the door, as my wife walks into our room in L.R.A.M. There was a calf that had like six legs maybe more than that might have like eight legs had two legs up on the back and they said uh yeah we this is a calf this was a one it wasn't even a two-headed calf it was a one-headed calf. This was a one-headed calf. It wasn't even a two-headed calf. It was a one-headed calf. And they said, it's in pretty bad shape. We took it down in 1994.

But this is all on the plaque. But in 1996, people had been complaining for two years that we got rid of that. They wanted to take their kids to see the weird calf. So all right, night night so they just they put it back out this dilapidated taxidermy seven-year-old birth defect calf oh oh then we drove on through Albuquerque and we stopped at a lovely eatery and I had a fur. Yes, when I think authentic Korean food I think smack bang in the middle of New Mexico and it was

actually great. It was really great and oh and then I went out I remember I was getting the kids into the car afterwards and all these people kept walking by and they were all dressed in like hiking gear like cool mountain gear. I thought oh yeah I guess everybody I guess everyone here dresses like they they climb mountains I guess that's a cool new style I'm sort of bitter about it and I look at them all in their athletic climbing outfits mmm That sort of town, sort of hot Portland. And then I noticed that I was parked outside of a climbing gym. So they were all wearing the clothes they wore to the climbing gym

and then I felt a little less bitter about it. And then we drove from Albuquerque, another couple of hours out here, to Gallup at El Rancho. Again, made by, I think the guy who made, I looked it up, so they made westerns in New Year, this is where the stars would stay, and I just looked it up so we got a cheap one, and we're in the Family Suite. That's what I reserved, it says Bridal Suite, but sweet that's what I reserved it says bridal suite but it'd be kind of weird for this to be the bridal suite because in the bit that's designated as the bridal suite there's two queen beds how many people are coming the whole bridal party you don't want to I don't think you want a second guy staying in the other bed on

your wedding night unless you're trying to have some sort of Josephite Union. Oh, and we got it cheap. It was on one of the booking hotel websites because we hadn't planned it. And if we had planned it, I never would have, I mean, I would have had us staying in some shonky, modernist, you know, a place with the best thing to recommend it is the fantastic Autistic Night Watchman.

I loved the Autistic Night Watchman. But instead we're here, I mean imagine if they had, imagine if El Rancho had an Autistic Night Watchman, maybe they will. I'll go down and find out. I loved him, he was warm, he was personable, everybody loved, we'd had a difficult day, we said it's so late, I felt like a big failure. Oh this is the way to see America by car and stopping along the way with your family, tomorrow we're going to go to Sedona and see all the Sedona related rocks I guess and then it's on to LA we'll see our friend Ruby if we have time and I suspect we will and when will we have this opportunity again I do wonder I'll go

and we'll go and see that Grand Canyon I thought about going to visit the Petite Canyon the mediocre Canyon or even the pretty good Canyon but I thought about going to visit the Petit Canyon, the Mediocre Canyon, or even the pretty good canyon, but I think the Grand Canyon. That's the place to go. I'm very, very, I mean, hopefully the, uh, it's a little, it'll be easier when we're in LA. We'll, we'll hunker down in LA for a week or two.

I'll try and get down to the Comedy Store and do some gigs, try and get this family to Disneyland. As we go on this road trip, a much needed together family, road trip type setup operation. Because you need that, I mean, my poor wife, she's home with these kids all the time. I'm just sitting out, sometimes every week, sometimes twice a week. I've seen, I don't know how many states I've seen in America now, might be up to 39 with

New Mexico under the belt. And you know, she's seen a lot of Austin and a lot of Steubenville, Ohio. And it's such a joy to me as she also saw in New York. I guess I got to go to New York and Florida. All right? I'm doing my best and I really am doing my best out here doing all this driving because my wife does not drive so there's no if I get sleepy whoo whoo I have a Red Bull, have a cold coffee, and persevere. I tell you one of the things I like about these drive-through towns, these highway towns, these off-the-beaten-track type towns. I guess that is a beaten track, but driving is less beaten than the flyover towns. That's the term I'm looking for a

Lot of them Stuck in the 90s stuck in the past and I love that I Really do I I saw tiles in a gas station slash fudge dispensary and New Mexico that I haven't seen the glass they're like I used to see them in the 90s all the time these thick glass tiles do you know what I'm talking about I guess bricks just big thick pieces of clear glass in a big wall oh I bet I didn't remember if you'd said name a hundred

things from the 90s that you really liked I wouldn't have remembered those tiles loved them Loved them and I think the there's a motto here and it's the convenience No, it was the the charm of yesterday and the convenience of tomorrow a place That does not exist in the present at all. It's all the charm of yesterday and the convenience of tomorrow. A place that does not exist in the present at all. It's all the charm of yesterday, the convenience of tomorrow. And isn't that the now that one truly wants to inhabit? Because when I think of yesterday,

I didn't know that charm was the term I was looking for. Things used to have charm, the term I was looking for. Things used to have charm. The charm. Applebee's. I've seen pictures of old Applebee's from a time, I don't know if there are any left, maybe there are. Maybe the Applebee's out here still look like that, but certainly old McDonald's.

The charm. Old Hungry Jacks Burger King. The charm. Subway. I don't know how much charm it ever had, but the charm of yesterday. That's what I'm all about, sugar. Oh, anyway, hello. Welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes and

Kent Gadmorean Plan. I might update you on... I might go on with this road trip podcast at a later time. Oh, I will say I've had an idea for a show. I've had an idea for a show. It came to me in a dream a few nights ago and I've been making little notes on it and it would be a new show that I would tour. I could only do this show, I think at the moment the only place that I could do this show would be Australia because that's the only place where I'm up to a point with my listeners And I want to thank all my beautiful listeners here on the James Donahue for the can't get a Marant plant but the only place where the listeners are high enough where I could conceivably do the show in a theater and I could only do this show in a theater

I'll just well I'll tell you and a reasonably sized and well equipped and well maintained theater, too And I won't go into too much detail. I don't want to spoil it. I want to go a little mystique But I'll give you one word Harness I'll give you another couple words. I'm suspended by a harness and I do stand-up comedy up I don't even want to talk about it anymore. I don't to if I talk about it it might not happen but one day maybe sooner rather than later I think that would be a fun full hour a full hour suspended in the air let's not talk of it anymore let's not even think about it I want to

thank everybody who went out to the Reddit pages, there's two Reddit pages, r slash Katamranjo and r slash JDFMCP and they seem to be sort of at war with one another. I'm not going to pay any more attention to the Reddit pages, I'll only say some people have come out after last week where I said wouldn't it be good if spontaneously People started to make little clubs and I you know I said I can't be involved with the clubs in case I don't want to be liable for you know Someone getting raped at my clubs and I spoke to about it with my wife later And I said you know not a lot of people for how many listeners we have not a lot of people are volunteering

to set up clubs not a lot of people, for how many listeners we have, not a lot of people are volunteering to set up clubs. And I will say that the people offering to set up clubs tend to be in places where we already have lots of listeners, which you might have expected. There's more people there, there's even a very small percentage of everybody. You know what I'm saying? They're the ones, you know, more people, more people want to make a club follows And I said very few people are volunteering to be part of the clubs and she said yeah, it sounds awful She said it sounds awful. I Said why she said would you want to meet up with strangers? For a podcast that you listen to what if you don't get along I said, oh

Yeah, you see what you just just sit there they just sit there and meet someone new who's interested in you it doesn't it's not appealing I said why did you tell you were on that you were in the room while I was having this idea why do you tell me there was a problem with the idea. I was very passionate about the idea. She goes, ah, I didn't know if you wanted me intruding on the idea. I said, honey, you gotta, we've all gotta come together. We've all gotta come together to make this dream of $500,000 boat ownership come true.

So, fine. Also, I spent a lot of time talking about how I was worried people get raped if they're anyway. She's I said well what can I do to make this work? She said if there's something for them to do, if there's a if there's an action plan and then people are coming together to do that thing that might be better. So we'll think about that. We'll think about things that people could do when they get, you know, everybody come together to do this thing and then I'll probably let the idea go dormant for a little while, you know, so that people forget the enormous failure of me encouraging a series of splinter groups to pop up in towns across the world. But if I come up with something

for people to do that so definitely in terms of the plans for the catamaran plan, that's one of the under thought, underdeveloped and unsuccessful plans. There have been a couple unsuccessful plans. I very early on in the podcast, I was offering, I said I'd give people one dollar. I had like a hundred one dollars to give away and I'd give people one dollar if they would post an Instagram story or send a message to a group chat about the podcast, the James Delafour's We Got a Camera and a Plan.

And it did, and you know, in hindsight, we had about a hundred listeners at the time and about 15 people did it Because it was real early in the pod and I thought that was a huge failure that we only got like 15% buying in hindsight that's Great and if we did that now they would Maybe be really good. Maybe Maybe just every plan in its time. Maybe it's time to go back to that plan and bring that back. I'm not going to do that now because I'm on a road trip.

I'm having a nice time with the family. That's sweet El Rancho. El Rancho, home of the stars in a room that potentially, I mean, who knows what celebrities have been here. I think a member of the Jackson 5 might have died, I think Tito died in this town. God rest your soul Tito. Any of Tito's remains left out here, you know Tito's cigarette lighter, Tito's hat. Boy you want to get them to the Billy the Kid Museums,

Quick Sticks, I love them. Oh, I'm having a great time. I'm having a great, I love the road. I love road trips, I love my family, I love you. I love, I'm so full of love, I'm so tired. It is, sometimes I get super tired and I become flinty and hateful but today as the bright neon signs That surround El Rancho intrude upon my curtain and I will fix that curtain to prevent such intrusions taking place in the future

I'm I tell you I tell you right here right now right here right now I right here, right now, I'm a happy boy. I'm very grateful to all of you beautiful James Donahue Force, Bukka, and Katamaran playing fans for making this all possible. Not only possible, necessary. I love you, I miss you, I want you,

is that long enough for a podcast? Probably not long enough, would you like to hear a poem? All right, here's a poem, I miss you, I want you, I need you. Is that long enough for a book? I don't know. Would you like to hear a poem? Alright, here's a poem. I just tidied it up. I didn't think this one was going to get in the new book of poems, but it might now. I'm not displeased with it. Alas, a beautiful woman has now done slightly too much to her face. It had all been going so well, and now it will never go well again.

A doctor broke his vow and has done irreparable harm. For there is no coming back from having had slightly too much done for a beautiful woman face. She wanted to look younger. She doesn't look any age at all anymore. It was my poem about a woman who said slightly too much down to her face. Ladies and gentlemen, I love you miss her when you need a camera and ho goodbye.