The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - EMERGENCY EVERGREEN - James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - S2EP#3

Episode Date: February 3, 2026

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Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes-McCatamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.com. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. What a boring way to start the show. Start again.

Leave it in. Leave it in, but I'm starting again. You've got to grab people on this damn algorithm. You've got to grab them. Hello and welcome to this episode of the James. James don't either. About two hours ago, I recorded a podcast that I hoped would be evergreen and that I would be able to have it come out at a time when I was unable to record a podcast in the case of an emergency or really hopefully when my wife had a child. My wife is having a child

shortly and I would like to record some podcasts ahead of time so that one can come out. That was my plan. Do the podcast now. Do two episodes today. Do an ever. evergreen one first and then do another one that will come out this week. And then we're just immediately while doing the evergreen. The evergreen one went great. The one you're about to see, high quality podcast, one that was going to come out in several weeks time. And so throughout that podcast, I am saying things like, oh, I wonder what world this

one's coming out in. Oh, you know, I'm really trying to make it dislodged from time. Anyway, then we did the one that was going to come out during the week and something happened during that podcast that meant it has to go on the Patreon because I make an allegation and then I felt sad about it and it all has to be bleeped and I don't want to say. It's not important. If you want to find out what happened there, you can go to the Patreon.

But what you're about to see, despite the fact that over and over again, I am in it saying this is coming out in several weeks it was recorded like right now. So now in several weeks when you look at it, it will still be true that that was recorded several weeks ago and I'm saying it like it was... You know what I'm saying?

And I think I say this at some point in that podcast as well, but let me get this out of the way as well. I'm coming to the United States. You wait and you wait until you see how joyful I am and how full of life in the podcast to come. Because right now, I mean, we just tried to record a podcast where I was reading Mind Trout. I was trying. We're filling up the third hour.

It's not important. You're going to love it. You're going to love the podcast to come here on the James Donald Force McCann, Catamaran Plan. This sort of was one of the things that I thought was missing on the podcast was a what's coming up on the podcast section. I'm going on tour. I better say that quickly.

April 24, 26. I'm in Austin. April 27, San Antonio. 28th, 29th, Albuquerque. 30th in Phoenix. San Diego, Seattle. Portland, Chicago, Detroit, Toronto, New York City, Boston, Pittsburgh, Orlando, Tampa, Naples, and I think other places also.

Colorado, Denver. All right, let's get on, let's get on with the, it's such, I think it's a great episode. And I wish it had come out not now. I wish I had, I wish I'd managed to do another good episode. Don't forget to join the Patreon to find out what went wrong on the second podcast. If you're watching to the James, Donald, Forbes, Macon, Catamaran Playa. If you're watching this, something has happened to me. And I'm unable to record a podcast this week.

Potentially my wife has had a child. Potentially, I've become sick. Potentially, I've had to flee the country. But something has happened to me. Don't be worried. If there was reason to worry, Sam has all the logins Anyway

He'd be able to say if something went wrong What I'm saying is The only reason this episode is coming out Is because I wasn't able to do an episode This week This is the episode in the back pocket It's almost certainly because my wife Has had a child

Usually the reason I can't do something Is because my wife has had another child So this is coming to you Probably I mean I probably recorded this a few weeks ago, and my fear is that having recorded this a few weeks ago, I will say something that is now with what we know absurd, you know? Like when the Spider-Man trailer comes out for the Spider-Man movie, and there's the Twin Towers are in it, because they don't know about the 9-11.

You know, they recorded it beforehand, and then the Spider-Man movie comes out later, and they go, oh we got to get rid of that scene from the Spider-Man movie oh no so I think that happened I think I didn't imagine that so I will I will talk now as though this were a normal episode and as though there have been no developments of any kind and if there have been developments of any kind my apologies could be developments in my life you know we could have this one scheduled and we go oh the podcast has better come out but my litany of sexual misdeeds may have come out. And people would go,

oh, he recorded that back before the sexual misdeeds came out. And he's acting like he's a nice guy. That was before he pivoted, you know, to the new persona, AIDS man. So we'll start the episode shortly. I also, what I thought would be good

is if I made some sort of list, you know? I thought I'd do some lists because that's a little more evergreen. I mean, if I try and do the news cycle now in this time capsule episode, what good is that? Good Lord, I hope nothing has happened to Hong Kong Disneyland between now and this episode coming out.

I thought I would make some lists because it's nice for the podcast to be successful. And I've noticed that on YouTube, things that do well are often in the shape of lists. So I will, and then this can be cut up. as well. And then that's not just one video, the long one, that's the podcast for the week. It's also several lists. And then that can just be great. And then you can have a start. Look at that. It's a beautiful 10-minute list episode. Example. I'll show you right now. People love lists. Lists, I think. Here's my list on white people love lists so damn much. Number one, making order from chaos.

Who doesn't like that? The Apollonian born of the Dionysian gives us a sense of comfort because life doesn't work like a list, you know? Life works like a series of crazy things happening to you one after another. And any story that you can have out of that is basically a lie. And you'll know this. If something has happened in your life and you tell a friend about it, you get on the telephone, you say, Gladys, you won't believe.

leave what just happened to me immediately after it happened. It'll be a frantic. I was on the bus and it was hot and there was a man there and I think he was shitting himself and he he screamed at everybody and then there was a child and the child was crying and then you tell that story four or five more times and it's it's a crisper. The erroneous details have come out of the story. You know? You go, well, it was the seven o'clock bus as crowded as they. come and people start coming off of the bus and i don't know what's going on i'm up the back of the bus and i realize that a man down the front of the bus has he's vacated his bowels and people are fleeing as the smell you know what i'm saying it's the same story but different so too with lists a meaning making

mandible malfunction mandatory machine a meaning making machine is a kind of list and we like that. It helps us to remember things and it helps us feel comforted. A list is a kind of pornography. So that's my number. You know what? I was going to say that was number one. I'm changing it. This is the first list we're doing to go out on YouTube. So I'm going to aspirationally make that number seven on things that people, I'm going to count up to it. That's number seven. on things people like about lists. We've got to have a catchy title of people going to... Why are lists so important?

The list list list list list list. Listy cool. See, this is the sort of thing that never used to happen when the podcast was hidden at the right time in the right place. You know? The podcast we record after this where I take the hat off and it's the podcast for the week where I talk about topics such as

the steps that I've been taking. the America tour that's upcoming. Tennis. This hat. The bell. Being inside. These are all things that, to you, I've referenced several weeks ago. I'm sure you'll be able to edit around it to make it look like this is a punchy list.

Number six on reasons people like lists. Damn, was there really only one? Well, number six, I would say, would be that it builds towards a crescendo. That's very important on a list. You know, sense of anticipation. You go, my God, if the Apollonian nature of things was number seven, I can't, oh, with the enticement, I do look forward to number one on the list. Once again, lists as pornography. There's a sense of building and titillation in the list.

So we burst forth with the ordiastic number one. But on this list, there's no number one. this list is two this list is number two it makes order out of chaos number one feels nice to build towards something which is very similar to number one

building towards something is also a sense in which things are ordered well I guess it doesn't just have to be a list that you read out on YouTube could be all sorts of lists number five would be helps you get things done you ever try getting things done without a list dreadful business that I got some lists

I got some lists right here. I never get anything on these lists done. It's nightmarish. But I do have other lists. And here's the actual listicle that I wrote that could be cut up very easily. Well, here's a list. I'll give you a quick list. I mean, I assume this is coming out before I've done any of these shows. So I think I've already done this on a previous episode, but I'll do it again. 24th to the 26th. I'll be in Austin. I assume this is old news by now. April 27th, San Antonio, April 28th, 29th, Albuquerque, April 30th, Phoenix, May 12th, San Diego. 11th, Seattle, 12th, Portland.

Some of these may have changed. I think I'm getting some of these wrong. Are you on my feet? Are you zooming into my feet? We had a conversation about whether or not you'd do the feet. Well, you got sandals on, so I sort of thought that's all right. Get off the feet. Enough.

Get off the feet. Sorry. You're a pervert. Sorry, James. You're a pervert. I can't stop smiling while I say it. I think Bile that's going to have a hit big

Get off the feet! Are you still on the feet? I'll go and get some... Not on the feet. I'm going to get some... I'm going to go and get some socks if you're going to be on the feet. I've got socks in my bag.

I don't think I didn't plan ahead. Detroit, Toronto, New York City, Boston, the Greater Stubanville area which is Pittsburgh, Orlando, Tampa, Naples, Fort Lauderdale. I thought of this. I was wondering if it was like selling out

to do a list like this. But something like with a thumbnail that will be more clickable because we've got our core audience but why not expand to people who don't know us watching along at night so i did this idea and the hackiest one i could come up with is the big differences between australia and the united states and i got eight i got eight of them i got eight big differences and i think that's the sort of thing people if it's like there's an australian flag in one side and an american flag you understand what i'm saying like biggest differences between australia

and USA. And here I am going like, or like, like, you know, people sometimes don't know Mr. Beesden up. It's true, though,

that those lists, they never have number one. I don't know if you've seen that on YouTube. No, you're joking, they've all got number one. No,

no, no, no. They don't have number one because it's like a YouTube shorts thing. Well, this is my assumption about why this is the case.

No, I'm watching long form list. I'm watching long form list. No, no, no. You're watching vertical lists? I'm watching vertical lists. No, no, no, no, no. And it's like top five best goals scored last year in the World Cup.

And it'll be like, five, four, three, two. Well, they want you to click the video. They want you to click the video to see the number one, the long form video. Oh. Because you can connect the short form video to a long form video. Oh my God. You should be the Sam. Yeah, we have to fix that.

I don't know how to do that personally. The United States, and then I'll come in like it's a proper, you know what I'm saying? And this would be horizontal. I see this is horizontal. It's a beautiful. The United States and Australia are, as best as I can tell, from a legal point of view, different countries, different places. I can come up with a better intro than that. We can get, you know what we need?

I'll talk about it on the next podcast. I'm right in the next podcast live on the second podcast that came out after. I'll be right in the episode that came before. A peep behind the curtain. But I wanted teleprompters. I looked them up. $2,000. I think we can make our own.

I think you're looking at the right ones, Jimmy. Presidential. Oh, those ones. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Presidential. 2000 minimum. But it would be an honor to spend that much money on a piece of equipment. Go math, Sam.

But if you spent $2,000 on a teleprompter, think of how hard you'd have to work to pay that off. That's the way I used to think. It's not the way I think anymore. start. Australia, I've been in Australia. I can start again. Man, not easy to get this list right. I can feel it now. The power of the list. I think that's probably the name of this episode, list power. List power. I was in America for several years and now I'm back in Australia. And this is the only perhaps non-hackneyed moment of my life that I will be able to do a list

of the differences between those two places that have struck me. These are not the most meaningful differences. They are ranked exclusively in the order that they occurred to me. I will be worried that my titswet is making a fool of me throughout the making of this. Number one, number one difference between Australia and America. That's probably not a bad way to start, actually. Forget all that other rigamarole.

You know what, the number one. The number, here we go, I'll start again. Here we go. Ready? One, two. You know what to do? You know what the, I think the number one main difference is between America and Australia is the forms. The forms in Australia.

And Sam, make sure you get some pictures of Australian forms on the screen here. The forms in Australia are so tenderly designed. I don't know what thoughtfully, carefully. There's a real sense of proportion and colour. and shape and you go, man, someone spent a lot of time on this form and standardizing it. The forms are really, I won't even say well done because I hate forms so much that to do a form well, it would be like saying, man, someone did that sex trafficking flawlessly. But the four, I hate forms, but there's obviously a lot of time and attention has gone into the forms.

And in America, usually the forms are just done on like, it's just like someone on pages, you know, I couldn't even get around to doing it on Microsoft Word. And it's just like, give me the information that I need you to give me. No more time and effort has been spent on it like that. They treat forms with the disdain that forms deserve. And then I come back here and I go to the Department of Motor Vehicles or the Bureau of Motor Vehicles, or as it's called in South Australia. I believe it's called Service S.A. Which is, uh, there's a, there's one A.

There's, I had one form design. One A, the names of things. No further examples. So many forms. And number two, big difference number two, is people's eyes, you know? I notice the eyes are very different now that I'm back in Australia. I look around the Aussies and I just sit. Now, this is not, by the way, I wrote down a note to myself.

This is not a reference to being a more Chinese country. I mean something different to Chinese eyes versus white western eyes. What I mean by the eye difference is in Australia, people sort of, they have eyes a little bit Like, can you do a little zoom in on my eyes if I show the eyes? You can't do, you won't do it. Well, people could maybe get real close to the script. They have eyes like this. And in the United States, they have eyes a little more like this.

Because they're afraid when they're out and about in public. There's a sense of energy and dynamism and doing things and achieve. And people, you see a little more eyes like that. And here it's a little more eyes like this. The eyes are different. Alert. People, you're just stumbling around half asleep in public in Australia. Because you know you're safe and nobody's going to shoot you.

But you know what? There's 2A. Another thing, because that's about alertness. So 2B, I guess. That was 1A and 1B. And now go to 2A and 2B. Or not 2B? Should I skip 2B?

Nah, to be. Is people just talk to you in public in ways that I find I'd forgotten that people are always doing that in Australia. In America, America is a very mind-your-business country. Okay? People are minding. they business. And in Australia, I'm minding your business.

There's a lot of minding other people's businesses. I bought my son a basketball for his birthday because he's a small child. So I got him a small basketball. And it was a small basketball, you know. And the guy in the line in front of me, he goes, Oh, mate, basketball's usually a little bit bigger than that. I would have thought. Right?

And I go, it's for my son. And he goes, Oh, oh, my. Because he saw that I had a basketball that was too small, and he wanted to make some sort of comment. And that's just what,

I mean, I other, boy, are there other examples? I mean, just, you know what I'm saying, don't you,

Sam? I know exactly what you're saying. Well, imagine a country where people never, ever say, or if they, if you did, if you in America,

you were like, why goodness, that's a, small little ball you've got there. Someone would go, what's for my son? And they'd go, oh, that's wonderful. How old is he? He's turning five.

Oh, it's such a beautiful age. That's the way they'd do it. But if you were in American, you said, hey man, that bowl's too small. Someone would go, it's for my son. Well, they'd go, why don't you mind your own damn business? Depending on what sort of American you were catching,

saying that thing. What I'm saying is they have a mind your own business. And people are alert. And here everyone's tired and that they can hit you with a nasty jab. Which is not bad. But you have to be alert to that. You have to be alert to people saying funny, cruel things to you in public, strangers. But you don't have to worry about it.

In America, you wear whatever you want. You do whatever weird, crazy thing. There's enough crazy. people and they've got got again i think both of those come down to a gun owning people sense of threat a sense of danger number three i was thinking about this the white underclass differences in the white underclass which would be the rednecks and the bogans and i think the key difference and i don't want to go into too much detail about this because i haven't thought it up enough but you know to the to the to the american asking what is a bogan i would say it's a red

without dignity. And to the Australian asking, what is a regnick, I would say, it's a bogan with dignity. I think dignity, not class, dignity.

Number four, the public square. Yeah, we could have done this episode and I thought about doing this list. Number four, the difference, the public square.

I should announce it differently. It's too confusing if I do it. The number four thing on my list is that there's a big difference in public things. We could have done this episode at night, and I thought about doing it, at night, in town or on a traffic circle. They call them over there. We call them roundabouts.

They call them traffic circles. That could be 4A and 4B. Traffic Circle, Roundabout, the words for things. Car park. Parking lot. You have a car park in the parking lot. Nah, the whole thing is big car park. But Americans have really retreated from public.

say this, everyone other than the most drug effects. Here's why people are like that. Ah, is because it's scary out there. You know, you'll be at an intersection. That'd just be a homeless guy. And here, it was the first thing I thought when I came back the first time was, my God, what have we done with all the homeless people? Of course, they were never here. They've been killed. They probably haven't been killed. But, you know, public transport's quite nice here. People would complain and get their backup about that, but there's no comparison. In Australia, public transport's very nice, and the homeless have not invaded public spaces. And then I've got another one on the public thing.

I was really pleased with this as an observation because I've been met a mucil maxing. I've been taking lots of steps and I've been metamusal maxing. So I've been going to poo often when I'm out and about. There would be a better way of saying that I have kids and kids need to go to the toilet sometimes. But the truth of the matter is that I've been metamucal maxing to just try and fully clear.

fully stay stay clear eat the fiber metamusel maxing probably not safe yes Sam promo code catamaran 20 for 20% off metamusal at

a chemist warehouse we want to talk to the metamusal people I love your product private versus public toilet ownership responsibilities if you're in a store in the United States

Sam you won't believe this but if you're in a store and you're shopping in the store, they'll let you use the shitter. They'll let you. You know, it's not a big rigmarole. You're in a cafe, you're in, even you're in a thrift store or an up shop. You're in, you know what I'm saying? You're anywhere, anywhere, there'll be a toilet, clothes, basically, you could be, you could be shopping for a shirt over at urban outfitters. They've got it, probably, they've got a toilet there that the public can use. Yeah. In Australia, now, flip side is not a lot of public toilets.

So you'll be out at a playground. Every playground you're at in Australia, just about, a little park, little playground. There's going to be a toilet there. There's going to be a restroom. You could be at a playground in America and go, oh, my son's going, I need the daddy, I need the toilet. And you go, all right, man, you look around, you go, oh, there's nothing. Man, I better find a business.

Better go to a business. In Australia, the businesses will not let you. It's a total public responsibility is, fecal and urinary transmission from the body to the sewer. That's done in the public sphere, not at all through the private sphere. So you could be, you know, I was, you know, I go, I buy this shirt in the Savers, a huge, upshop thrift store. It's not really an option, it's not for a charity.

It's a resite, it's, you buy a cheap shirt there. And they go, I go, oh, oh, far do you, Danny. You go, you got a tort? And they go, nah, mate. closest toilet's like 400 meters that way. That's kind of a common thing that you'll hear is closest toilet, you've got to go out, you've got to go there, you've got to go 200 meters that way. And for our American viewers, 200 meters is too far to go if it's an absolute emergency. Let me say that. It's like a full football field. I think. I don't really know how long a football

depends on the kind of football. I bet there's at least one kind of football that's about that length. Anyway, I just found that. Here's another one. With the toilets, like today, I go to this bagel place, and I met a Musil-Maxing, so I've got to go to the Duny, the bathroom, the restroom, the powder room, the place where you shit. And they give you a key or a code. Like, the business will have a toilet, but it's a secret. And you've got to go down two corridors and push a bunch of buttons and have the special key and find you way back.

And the key has like a huge wooden spoon, so no one loses it. But there's no sense of trust that you as a customer should have somewhere that you can go to the toilet. And there's no sense that they, as people operating that business, should keep a toilet for you. Most of this has been about the toilets, I think, which I didn't know. But that's a very, it touches me deep in my colon. There's something very deep. We don't talk about that enough. Here's another.

Just, by the way, a little tangent. I'm sick of all these bagel places popping up. every hipster goes, I'll make a little bagel shop, that'll be easy, and then the bagels, they're, I'll do $17 for an okay bagel. I've had real bagels now. These Aussie hipster bagels just ain't cutting it. Oh, they used to be a good one actually just off of Heinle Street. Do you remember that one?

The capers, very generous. A sense, number six of the differences. Man, this is a long list. feel free to edit when this comes out just as a list feel free to edit some of the list but i would i would say number six big difference between america and austral is a sense of national purpose um and you can see this in schools so you'll go you'll be driving through west texas but you know it's just an example but wherever you are in a sort of desolate place where there's not all that much industry and you'll go whoa what is that huge building it's the school and there'll be

billboards for the school. And it's like, we are a blue ribbon school. We are a top, you know, we got a div, whatever football team, school. And they want to be big. That's a big thing. The more kids you have at the school, like the higher division you are for football with the school. And and the community all gets around that. But there's like some sense of purpose, right? It's like in a place where there's otherwise not a lot of external visible signs of what are we here for? What's the point of this country? Why are we over here? No.

It's so that the school can be big and thrive and strong and lift people up and put them in the football or the military or whatever. You know, there's overall, no matter where you are, there is some, there'd be some places where you'd go, I question a sense of national purpose here. But there is, in general, a sense of national mission, you know. You've been in a small town and there's going to be a university there, a college with college professors. And there are people doing higher tertiary learning. That really only happens in the big cities in Australia. You go off to a little town.

There's not a liberal arts college in Cuba PD? Because Australia's not going any We're not, we're not, we got, what are we got? What are our plans? America, you've got a sense of manifest destiny. We're taking shit over. We've got to make the world submit to reason. I'm not saying that's actually what they're doing is a,

but that's like the Enlightenment project that we the people, they the people, those people. You know what I'm saying? Manifest destiny didn't end when you got to the ocean. There's a real spirit and a sense if we're going somewhere. we're doing something, things are happening. And we don't have that. Like the best our schools can do if you go to a No Hope type area is, oh, just get them off the streets.

Get as many as you can of them off the streets because they're kicking in shop windows and they're doing rapes. So get them off the street. For the love of the Lord, get them off the streets. Here's just a note I made. Manifest destiny is a kind of charity to your own people. All of it has been for something. All along. Number seven, and I only did eight.

Number nine, I left empty. Number seven in the big differences that I've noticed when I've come back is that when I went to America, I noticed there weren't proper family pubs. And when I've come back to Australia, I've noticed there aren't proper family restaurants. Pubs are not bars. A bar, a bar is a place to get drunk. There's a piece of wood, you sit, you drink. maybe it's a sports bar

but the point of the bar is to ingest alcohol and there's something about having a child in a bar that is unseemly whereas in a pub you can have a child in a pub not the front bar of a pub not in the old days

goodness gracious no but the something about a pub it's a public house there were rooms that you could stay in there there'd be you know the fire you could eat a nice meal there's an expectation that the food will be being done there

And I looked up the history of some family restaurants in America, like Applebee's, and Applebee's was based on the pub. That was a whole. They didn't have British pubs in the same way. And so they started up family restaurants to fill that void. So it's a chain. And sometimes you want to go to a family restaurant, and sometimes you want to go to a pub. But you can really only be in a country that has one or the other, more or less.

Because even a pub in America is like, this is a bar. This is a, this feels like a bar. Number eight, very different ways in both countries, and this is the final point, but that ethnic tension is quite different. And I've recorded this before this has come out. This is being recorded several weeks before this come out. So who knows what's happened in the meantime in the powder keg that is both countries with their ethnic tension.

But the class ethnic tension is very different. And what I would say is in the United States, you have a large number of poor immigrants. and a lot of the crisis, a lot of the tension, a lot of the news headlines are around like, oh, these people are illegal,

they're here illegally. Technically, I think the Joe Biden quote is technically not supposed to be here. I saw that this week. That really made me chuckle. That's beautiful. Yeah, I missed him for the first time. Well, technically not supposed to be here.

But like it's poor. And in Australia, the thing is that people who have come to this country are rich, richer than average, over and above middle class. And the results are very different. So you have in the United States, you have people going, they're taking our jobs. And the people who are saying they're taking our jobs, are sort of manual laborers, tradesmen, people throwing up a house. The Mexicans are coming and doing that. In Australia, they're not taking those jobs. We can't find enough people to do those jobs.

What they're taking is our homes. It's Chinese and Indian multi-multimillionaires buying up the real estate, you know, for investment properties and things like that. So it's like, you see what I'm saying? It's a bit funny. And then Americans will sometimes come here and try and make a point of it. I think Tucker Carlson came here and was like,

and you've got these illegal immigrants? And I saw the audience not really respond to that because they're going, uh, yeah, it's not easy to get here. Are you talking about Chinese international students overstaying their visas? That's the illegal immigration. Are you talking about British backpackers who got so fucked up in Byron Bay that they forgot to renew their visa? That's the illegal immigrants in Australia. It's the legal immigrants that are through the roof in terms of numbers.

And I don't see that as being, you know, I found that as a, as an, as an. immigrant from Australia coming in in legally in America that people were very welcoming

and people maybe are a little less welcoming in Australia now because of the landscape there so I think the way we should

fix that is we should get let's get some Mexicans let's get some Mexicans is there running up Mexicans and shipping them out of the United States how about we put our hands up

and say oy we bloody have any of them got sparky accreditations get those Mexicans in here. Undelay, on delay.

Is that a term that they use? Anyway, that's my list. And that might be all that I have to give. At this episode from the future, I think it might be just about time to go on episode. Episode is though it were a verb. Good Lord. I mean, I don't know what's happened between me recording this

and this coming out. Hopefully this one's coming out because I've had a child. For a 30 minutes, that's pretty good. For a filler episode, let me tell you about that Patreon. Get on it. Samuel, we've got to record so many. Listen, the baby's coming soon. And we can't let this lag.

You know, we can't let this falter. This is a real episode. There's no guest on this episode. It doesn't need to be. I love what you've got there with that headset. We don't need a guest. You're absolutely right. It's easier for me, and it's nice to have a guest.

This is that beautiful bare bones. basic. This is the base. Let me use this as a time capsule. Okay? I'm going to say some things now that I hope that in the episode that's immediately come out before this one, we have accomplished. Because there are things that I really wanted to get done like a ladder. I mean, I can put, what do you want a ladder for? I can put a ladder in the background. You want me to put a ladder right now in the background? I'll do it. Yep.

Okay. Okay. But I need someone to be on the ladder. We don't have any... Yeah, I like... See, I didn't know we had the ladder. That's great. I love the ladder.

We want, ideally, in the future, someone to be on that ladder. Okay? How does that look? On the ladder? I can't tell. Do you see it? Oh, yeah, that's the angle.

Face in the light. I just don't know how it looks, but I assume it's wonderful. But this is why I created this space back here. Yeah. We can do a little bit of backroom pod for this. I think audience should be here. You think audience there?

Yeah, when we have people over or when there's a guest waiting or if there's a musical guest and they're performing, this is the space here. Here's my question. Can I have, so I don't have to turn around, can I have a little screen? Absolutely. Right. Absolutely.

Right. Because I want to be interviewing someone there and I don't want to, I want to be, I want to be here. I don't want to be, hey, how's it going about there? I just want to be here. No, coming to real world. space to be interviewed, but then this is the waiting room, this is the performance space, audience space.

Yeah, well, it's a lovely night. When you welcome them on the pot, they'll be behind the curtain and you could say, ladies and gentlemen, please welcome to the Catamaran plan. It's Sam Clark. And we have, do we have a little camera side of stage getting in, oh, they're waiting backstage and they've been waiting there the other time? I think it's a little GoPro or something. I think a little GoPro.

I like that. You want the latter to stay there? I'm guessing you do. Tell me how, tell me how, tell me how, how, you're going to be. feel about it. Well, you currently can't see it because it's behind you. Yeah. Let me move this.

All right. You figure that later. Let me tell you a couple more things. The organ, which was the thought I had this week, I've been thinking about the organ. I've been thinking, like Barry Morgan's world of organs, I've been thinking about having an electric organ, and playing that, I think that's important. I think maybe the second filler episode, we get the organ. And it's just me 30 minutes of, and we call it maybe an hour, maybe just a full organ hour.

Organ hour. Organ hour. Organ hour. Organ hour. It's the organ hour. Organer hour. Organar. And I just think it's me on the organ.

I'd love to just sit and play an organ for an hour, organ hour. All right? And you know how people have like chill beats to study and relax to? I do know. All right. Well, this is the organ hour. And it's, you know, you need an hour of the organ? You need an organ for an hour?

The organ hour. The organ hour. Our organ hour. Our organ hour. Can we get another word in there that would be... How's the organ hour? How's our organ hour? How is our organ hour?

I'll be on the electric organ. I'll be on the electric organ. That's something that I'd like to get done. They're very affordable. they're not easy to transport they're big and heavy my mom got rid of mine your wife got rid of yours although she's now saying you got rid of it and she wanted it to stay yeah she's now into it i don't know you know you forget these little disputes it's tough apparently it was me who wanted to get rid of this organ which doesn't does it doesn't does it doesn't from what i know about you yeah seem like

the sort of man who'd want to hang on to his beautiful functional electric organ it was lovely and i just started to work out the foot pedals too i love it bit of the foot pedal. Here's another thing that I'd like. A Japanese no mask. I've been talking about Japanese no masks for several years now, and I've been looking them up, and I don't know how much one has to pay to get a quality no mask replica. Because the ones I was looking up, you can spend as much as 10,000 Australian dollars, or like 7,500 American on a Japanese no mask. and they look great, but it would add a real... I can see that for me.

If I'm... Imagine this is a... You see what I'm saying? Welcome! See what I'm saying? Are you seeing that? Yeah, you're getting that? You get that?

You get that? Welcome to the James Donald Forbes McCann. Catamaran plan. So good to... Psh! Sign language! Sign language, sign language. Sign language.

We would have to have a... At least six glitter cannons. So many people doing sign language. So many canons gone off. If I'm here at all, if I haven't been replaced, the mask. It's someone wearing a very respectful Japanese mask. And I think that's just more, that's more listening to the heart and the soul of where podcasting is at and where podcasting is going. You know what I'm saying?

Here's a huge, I mean, I'll say this now because I'll forget that I've said it and I don't want to be starting shit with somebody. but a show that I never really enjoyed, and I'm not saying it's a bad show, okay? Not saying it's a bad show. Obviously a great show, and I watched little bits of it, and I tittered, and I thought everyone involved,

very talented. But it didn't speak to something spiritual within me was the Eric Andre show. I didn't, for whatever reason, connect with the Eric Andre show. And I don't want to make the Eric Andre show. Someone's already made the Eric Andre show. His name's Eric Andre.

He's doing very well. I think he's being in Adam Sandler, movie now and selling things for money. And I think he's, he was dating Emily Radha Gagowski. I mean, no one. I mean, wow. Wow. What a triple trouble. Big, big, big stuff happening for him. But what I didn't like is he was sort of taking the talk show and going, let's make it bad. Let's make it aggressive. Let's make people afraid. Let's take what people are expecting from a talk show. And let's warp and pervert it. Let's make it. horrifying and wrong. Is the table meant to grow legs? No, it's not. So that's what will happen.

Am I meant to be screaming and ripping my clothes off and jumping up and down on the guest? No, I'm not. So that's what I shall do. What I see as the gift and the opportunity that we have in this strange time in our lives is to be thoughtful and to listen to the form of the comedy podcast and to see in which direction it wants to go. Let's be attuned. I'm not saying let's pervert it, subvert it, make a bet. I'm saying take it to its logical and spiritual, teleological. Let's look, fuck it. Let's ride that wave, baby. You know, what are, you know, like visually, visually, we can't just have a camera in the corner. Isn't it better to have this, okay? Isn't it better to have?

Isn't it better to have beautiful cameras? Isn't it better that way? We're going to have a list. All right. I've got people going to notes, you know? And I thought cards was the natural end point of that. But what I see now, the presidential teleprompter, I hear it.

I don't even know how to explain this to people. But I spiritually, I understand that, you know, the teleprompter is special. It's something about, is it a, is it about friendship? Is it about, is it about being in the news cycle and being topical? Is it about having a goal? What? And then when I quiet myself and I hear, I goes, have a sign language person.

And then I quiet myself and I hear it again. I hear it, I have six, you know, have six sign language people. That's podcasting. The truth is. to listen to and explore that impulse. And what I'm a little nervous about is I think when people do that with theatre, they make really terrible theatre. So we'll be, you know, we still want it to be watchable.

We still, I don't want it to just be interesting in the abstract. Or interesting only for people who know a lot about comedy podcasts going, hey man, they're taking it to strange new places. I mean, I think what you've done here with that beam that you're working on now with the camera, you know, you've got the dolly you've got the slider you've got something in the way of that now

you're stymieing it sense of play a sense of drawing attention to the foible there's something about that which is right but I think we could make that more complicated you know what I would like actually to be going around

small tree I think it's always nice to have a tree or some candles you know if we if we could support this some, or if we're in a bigger room, I'm saying, say we're in a bigger room, I would still want there to be something in the way of that camera. I want it to maybe be a little table with some candles and then we're just always coming around the candles and the flickering of the light because it's beautiful to see candles. I'm just sort of wanting to copy a favorite

cinematographer of mine at the moment. Neville Kidd who did all of Nidela Lawson's cooking things in the mid-2000s. He was on Tickam. And he was, he was just like. He was on lurk cam, and he was just behind all the pots and pans, and he was just on this really, like, zoomed-in telephoto lens, and he was just always keeping the camera moving with her. It's masterful. Like a dance.

Absolutely, yeah, it's beautiful. So I'm just trying to bring a bit of that into the pod. Is that what you were doing with the feet earlier in the pod? I'm trying something new with the feet. When the camera would come down her top, ever so gently. Ever so gently. I'm not going to contribute to any. sexual comments to do with Nigella

I can't She's above that for you You don't consider her a sex symbol We'll move on We'll move on We'll move on It's too much It's too much

I find Nigella to be a very sexual All I'm saying is I just want to keep the door open To interview with Neville Kid The cinematographer Okay yeah fair enough Fair enough Neville kid If you're out there

We'd love to speak to you If anyone knows Neville And by the way I think what I said about Nigella there is entirely flattering. Absolutely flattering. I think she's a beautiful woman. No matter her years,

I think of her as being, if people go, she's in the second or the third bloom of youth, of beauty, I consider her in one sustained, immaculate, beautiful bloom. I love Nigella. We'd love, Mr. Kid. We'd love Nigella.

All right. You know what I'm saying about, like I... Like maybe there should be more bells. It's not always just about more. Maybe it's different. It's what is the, you know, what is the right, I mean, I don't understand this, but I believe it.

I believe in it. People tell me it's good and it touches people in a certain way. The organ. You know, it's like, okay, you have a little background music, but can you make that an organ? I'm not explaining this very well. when I'm when I'm and I'm I'm but I'm the fact that I'm figuring out in real time though that's very podcast that's very exploring the medium you know if you just have the idea and you've thought it out over a

series of days that's very writing an essay that's what you do with an essay that's you prepare a speech and you deliver that but with a podcast we're figuring things out together there's people listening along and they're going my god he's almost got it he's ever so close to figuring it out that which is possible. It's about the journey to pull it back to being about the boat the journey to bone ownership. It's all about

we're going somewhere, we're doing something, we're figuring something out. I believe it! Did you eat dinner already? Yeah. All right, I better Uber eat something before the second show, the show that's going to come out this week

because I haven't eaten. I think for an episode to keep in the safe, in the stash, not a bit of a bit of, bad one. I think it was good. I think we can have it. We've got to make a few more of these. Organ time. Yeah. Organ hour. Power, shower. Power, shower. Can we have some flowers on the organ? All right? Flower power, organ hour. Our flower power organ hour.

For sure. I see other thing. I really, I do like that thing of people being, you know, yes, the lobby, the guests. If I could lose enough weight, I'd have a turtleneck. Do you see the turtle? I do see the turtle. Something I was wondering today is, what's your thoughts? Is there a new haircut coming up? Oh, you don't like his haircut?

No, no, no. I'm not saying that. I just wondered because this has been that haircut for a little while now. The famous photo that I love so much, this is where it's come from. And any day now, I'm expecting you to walk into my driveway with a, a whole different look. Well, we're building towards things that I can't speak about,

but it's time for the look to come together. If it wasn't so hot, I'd be wearing a suit. You know? I think a suit is a big part of the answer. But I could be wrong. It's important for me to do more listening to what podcasting is meant to become. We are going to end the podcast.

There. Don't forget to join that. Patreon for more of this, but different. I love you, I miss you, I want you, I need you. Catamaran ho. Goodbye.