The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Episode 1: Lift Off

Episode Date: December 19, 2021

Join James Donald Forbes McCann as he opens the first ever meeting of the official James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan Sailing Club. Topics on the menu include:Questions from the publicA description of the dream boatMoneyHave you ever been sailing before?Free TaiwanFeaturing Samuel McDonough and Amos Gill.Contribute to the boat by joining the Patreon at www.patreon.com/jdfmccann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.com. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! This is really a thrill for me because I have never chaired a meeting before. There's never been much cause for that.

We've got a big menu of things to talk about today What's the word? Agenda I don't want to get political So many things to talk about I'm joined by Samuel McDonagh Not only a great lawyer and a great man But I believe one of my oldest and certainly my most cherished friend

And Sam, it's good to have you here And before I declare the meeting open You, it's good to have you here. And before I declare the meeting open, you please. It's a pleasure to be here. It's great to have you here in your house because I didn't want the children screaming. And so I thought the first episode, it would be good to be here with you. It's a comfortable environment. I'm very grateful.

Thank you. All right. I hereby declare the meeting open. Agenda item number one. Members present, me, club president, also Samuel McDonough is here in an observer status. And I'd like to also acknowledge the listeners. I don't know how many there are, first episode, but listeners, thank you. All right, agenda item number two,

what is the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan? I've prepared a statement and a poem. I would like a boat. This podcast is about me getting a boat. This podcast is also the money-making device by which I intend to generate funds to buy the boat. Have you ever sailed before? Not once, not a one time, no. How do you know you'll like it?

I don't, no. That's all for now. No. No. That's all for now. Okay, great. Yeah. I mean, I know why I need to buy a catamaran, but I've decided not to talk about that on the public podcast, only on the Patreon.

Yes. But I can tell you now and I can edit it out. Yeah. I believe that... You must. Yeah. That believe that... You must. Yeah. That was very good. Okay, good.

Good to have that out of the way. Beautiful. Thank you, Sam. In fact, your support has been so noted that I move to agenda item number three, the proposed Samuel McDonagh Sailing Club membership. Ah, yes. I hereby propose that Sam be made a member of the sailing club. Do I have a second?

Aye. Oh, no, you're an observer. You're absolutely unable to vote. I'm sorry. No. I'm going to override the policy of having a second and I'm going to make you a member. Oh. The ayes have it.

All right. Money is the big issue. That's item number four The whole podcast is ordered to make money For the catamaran I thought we were at zero dollars We're not We'd be at minus right

Well the artwork Had to pay for the artwork for the podcast Had to pay for these microphones Had to pay for the recording machine on the microphones And the cables that connect the microphone to the recording machine So it's actually It's about $700 Petrol coming over here?

I've decided not to claim that Because I can never remember to take a picture of the invoices I've decided to make that all a charitable contribution So we're going to start on $0 And then people can tune in each week And see how close we are I've decided to make that all a charitable contribution. So we're going to start on zero dollars. Okay. And then people can tune in each week and see how close we are to the half a million dollars. Yeah, that is the second biggest hurdle.

The money. Yes. You think number one, you don't know how to sell. I think we can fix that. Number two, the money. I think we can fix that too. Okay. I discussed this with a club treasurer, Amos Gill.

Oh, yes. And let's have a listen to that now. Here we go. Why do you want a catamaran? I don't know. What about having a house or a functioning car or clothes that sort of fit your children? What about James McCann not have home services take away my children again plan? Yeah, those things would be ideal.

I dream about it. Now, listen, $85,000 is what a very strange man in an op shop in Wynnum told me I needed to buy a secondhand catamaran. But you were telling me before you think that's really only the start of the costs. Okay, I'm going to give you an example. Okay. In Monaco, to spend one night docked to the pier is $100,000. Well, that seems like that can't be the norm. That feels like an outlier.

What is this dock? Is it made of solid gold? I don't know why I started at Monaco. There's a hay room? That's not. No, that seems silly that it's not adelaide all right but i mean do you want to be like where are you going to be catamaranning because what are you going to do in adelaide on the catamaran surely that means you also have to move to hamilton island i don't know listen i just see it in my dreams i close my eyes

and i see the catamaran i am destined to catamaran is that a verb so a catamaran, I am destined to catamaran. Is that a verb? So a catamaran is technically it's two hulls, right? And then you've got like the- It's two hulls. It's more stable for a family, big deck space. Right. You think that's stable?

You go, yeah. I'll tell you one thing. My family, we live in a house and my kids go to school on land and you go, that's not stable. I'll tell you what's stable, two floating pontoons. land and you go that's not stable i'll tell you what's stable two floating pontoons that's uh you'll all you'll all when the chinese invade let me tell you and i go we're on the catamaran family we're out of here we're sailing off to it's not really a lot of places to sail from adelaide is there i will give you i will give you i will do this for you I am willing to give you everything in my bank account.

No. Which at this point is around. There's nothing there. No, no. Which is around $50,000 right now. Oh, shit. Yeah. If you take the Canamaran through the South China Sea with the Taiwanese flag.

Open to it. open to that idea if your maiden voyage is not through the south china sea with the taiwanese flag i will be so disappointed in you i see i don't even like to call it the south china sea i call it the Northern Philippines Sea. The West Taiwanese Ocean. Yeah, look, I hope not to take him up on that. I hope our other means of making money will pay off. For example, the Patreon. People, often you'd start a podcast, right?

Yep. Do you sign up to anyone's Patreon? Yes. Oh. One. Who? Friendly Geordies. Of course. You support his legal crusades. Yes. Oh. One. Who? Friendly Geordies. Of course.

You support his legal crusades. Yes. I don't sign up to anyone's Patreon because I think it's bullshit. Yeah. But I hope people sign up to mine. Patreon, that's number one way to pay for it. Number two, spending the night with wealthy donors. I hope not to do that.

Ads. I don't know if my manager is going to be able to sell ads. But if you've heard ads, then we're on our way. And if you haven't heard ads, or even if you have, join that Patreon. Now, the Q&A session. I put out on the Instagram some cues. And Sam is going to read the cues, and I will A them. And hopefully that will give everyone a better picture

of what's happening on the podcast and with the boat. It was Cousin Matthew and Ben, Ben, Benny, Ben, B, and Jameson. Oh, yes. Asks, must it necessarily be a catamaran? I think it really has to be a catamaran, largely because it rhymes. Yep, that's a good reason. Yeah, I really do believe that when things rhyme that's important uh i shouldn't think that i'm sure many bad things rhyme and we shouldn't

back them you know like the um ccp ccp well i was thinking of like the, you know, East Wicking cat kicking. I don't know if East Wicking is a place. I was trying to work backwards from cat kicking. You know, bad things can rhyme and that doesn't make them good. So it has to be a catamaran. Not only does it rhyme, as mentioned, it is more stable for the family uh more secure everyone that i've looked up um good family sailing boats i think is saying catamaran is the way to go jason says or asks what is a catamaran it's a it's a two-decked um

uh boat with a sail on one deck two hulls is there a motor at all it all? It can have a motor. Look, I'm going to be honest. I don't know a lot about catamarans. I've looked at some pictures and some YouTube videos, and I've had a lot of dreams about it. But I'm no expert on that. Maybe we'll have a boatman. Sailor? Sailor, I think.

I'm on the show. Maybe they could tell us more about what catamarans are. Milcrates asks, would an airship count? Absolutely not. No, I could not in good conscience move my family onto an airship. Hindenburg situation. Oh, the humanity. Better to be on the sea where nothing serious can ever happen of negative consequence.

And never has. I couldn't imagine something going wrong. Jack Walsh, writer, asks, how do you plan to compete in the already oversaturated Quest to Own a Boat market? Yes, so many Quest to Own a Boat podcasts. Really? Well, possibly.

I don't listen to podcasts either. I don't Patreon. I don't podcast. I don't podcast. I don't sale. But we're trying to do all three. I just think with self-belief, with chutzpah, with togetherness, with a fan base, with love and compassion, we move forward into the boat future. That's my answer for that one. I'm proud of that answer.

I'm sure Jack will be very happy. I hope so. He's a nice man. Tarquin asks, have you got your skipper's ticket? I had to look this up. Apparently you need a license to boat. At least to get out of our waters and into the international ones where I assume anything goes.

I don't. Gosh, that could be a fun arc for the podcast as well. I don't. Gosh, that could be a fun arc for the podcast as well. I just see, I envision big, beautiful adventures to get things for the podcast. You know, like the boating hat. Yeah, well, that's important. Yeah, I'm looking that up.

Boy, the one that I want is not cheap. I will say that money from the Patreon and the ads will go, as well as to the catamaran, to the things to get the catamaran. Yes. So I'm also looking forward to getting my first pair of boat shoes, which at a private school, everyone else had boat shoes and I didn't. I was too poor.

You had moccasins. I did, but moccasins were not high class in the same way that a boat shoe was. Some like poor, I don't know, vagabond in his moccasins. You remember boat shoes in like 2008? That was insane. Of course. First year university, everyone was in the boat shoe. I think out the back of Adelaide Oval, there's still quite a few boat shoes.

Still many a boat shoe at the test match. How many more have we got? We've got one more. One more question. Heine and Unconsolidated Super asks, what kind of boat do you want? Brackets in detail. Beyond catamaran, I see it having a lot of wood.

I see wood being important. I think four bedrooms for the family. I think a big catamaran for the whole family. And then big enough, a living room in the hull, such that I am able to, when this is over and we have the catamaran, I don't want things to stop, you know, the catamaran plan, well, you've got the catamaran, what happens next?

I'm going to change it up to the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran program and then make that into a studio. So I'm thinking a very big, very beautiful catamaran. Yes. So take me through the rooms again. So you've got four bedrooms. Four bedrooms, yeah. Living room? Absolute.

Slash kitchen. Slash kitchen. Like an open plan. Open plan. Very trendy. I think an open plan catamaran is probably the way to go. Cinema room? If there's time, if there's room, you know, I think the bedroom, actually.

I'm comfortable turning the bedroom into a cinema room. Yeah. Me and the five or six children by that point all gathering around, watching the latest. Bathrooms, or is it just an off-the-deck situation? I think bathrooms. Well, but I don't need an actual bath. I think shower would be sufficient.

The water's, the ocean's very dirty, isn't it? You can't drink it, I know that much. It's a lot of fish having intercourse with each other and salt. No, no, we'll need our own bathrooms on the boat. What about like a figurehead at the front? Oh, now we're talking. And I smash the bottle of champagne over his head. I like the idea of a figurehead on the front.

And we get to decide who they are. And you know what? If you join the Patreon, and if you pay figurehead on the front. I'm going to get to decide who they are. And you know what? If you join the Patreon and if you pay enough money on the Patreon, I say you're able to vote. And that might be a good first one on the vote. Vote on who the figurehead is on the front of the boat. Hell, if you pay enough money, you could be the figurehead. I will decapitate you and strap your head to the front of my boat

for a small fee recurring on a monthly basis and that's the boat and that's the patreon and that's the show we've got one more item on the meeting is some closing remarks and affirmations so thank you for joining me for this podcast uh dear listeners and sam first member of the Catamaran Plan. Thank you for having me. Fam. Thank you to the Austronesian peoples

who invented catamarans. I looked that up on Wikipedia. Thank you, Austronesian peoples. You don't get enough credit. I want to thank my wife for supporting

the large investment I've already made in this podcast. Little does she know how big an investment is to come. The children will be hungry for a few years, but then they'll be on a catamaran. And I'd like to thank everybody who goes out and joins the Patreon right now.

Many Patreons, they go a long time, they build up a fan base before asking for money and members. Not this one. We have three bonus episodes already up on the Patreon, ready for you now. And now the affirmations. I will buy a catamaran. Do you have any affirmations you'd like to say, by the way?

Well, I will let you come on the catamaran. How's that one? That's a good one. Every guest gets to come on the catamaran at a time of my choosing. Sam, if you ever get married and then get divorced, I'm going to let you live on the catamaran for a little bit.

That would be nice. That's a dream. Divorced on a catamaran. We can cut this out if it's inappropriate, but we've got to talk about a person in your life who's currently divorced

and doesn't have anywhere to live. Ah, yes. Yeah. Yes. Homeless. Homeless. If I had a catamaran, I could be a better friend.

You know what he's calling it? What's he calling it? Homing from work. Oh, my God. Because he's living at the office. Yes. Homing from work. It's very funny and also just ridiculously sad.

And I don't know what can be done to help. I don't know. He could buy a house. He could buy a house, couldn't he? Anyway, let's not derail this. I will buy a catamaran. That's an affirmation. I will learn to sail. There's another one.. That's an affirmation. I will learn to sail.

There's another one. Here's the third affirmation. I will not get bored of this project before it is completed and abandon it and take on a ridiculous project as a substitute, which it has been observed this project might be itself for different projects. It's just like a human centipede of projects like that. Yes, and they just get shittier as we go backwards. But this one I feel

really strongly about. I will not get bored of this project before it's completed. I will keep going until we have the catamaran. And here's another affirmation I will be back next week with a new episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan and

yes, dear listener, I want to thank you for joining us on the show. Thanks again to Sam. Join that Patreon and we'll see you next week. God bless. Thank you, Sam. Thank you, James.