The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Episode 2: 40,000 Baby Turtles

Episode Date: December 26, 2021

Rhi Down joins the sailing club for the final general meeting of 2021. We discuss important topics like:How to grow the listenershipPlans for auctioning off a napkinSexismAnd more.Don't delay, join the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan Sailing Club today! https://patreon.com/jdfmccann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca here we go i'm going to start the podcast now welcome hey listeners thank you for joining us for the final general meeting of the sailing club 2021 so much to discuss uh we're here with redown redown everybody redown is here The wonderful Redown Yes You're a comedian I'm here

I woke up 10 minutes ago Yeah and it's You know I thought about When I would have this meeting I thought 11 But then Even later in the day Would have been better

Perhaps Because you go out You party hard Well Thank you for joining me My pleasure But the reason I am sleepy Weepy

Is not because I partied hard It's because me and my husband did like 10 hours of uber eats yesterday like a marathon of what are your uber eats how do you do hours of uber no we deliver oh you deliver so we oh my goodness yeah so we we try and do like I don't know you're not you're not a sad Indian bachelor you shouldn't be going and doing Uber Eats with your husband. No, it's really fun. And also it was just to get this referral code. So he's the one that does it because he does uni and he has a part-time job.

And he was like, if I sign you up and we do 40 trips on your account, we'll get $300 each. That is pretty cool. So we made like, you know, 450 bucks yesterday. I've been thinking about doing the Amazon one and being an Amazon man who drops things off. But I just. Honestly, it's fun. You get to listen.

Like I sometimes will go on trips with him just to spend time with him. And it's actually a really good time. But it's just so hard for me to make that transition from I have all these servants on my phone to I am a servant for other people on their phone. That is a heartbreaking transition. I know. It's definitely a bit weird, but it's, you know, it's weirdly really good money. And you're getting to work for yourself. It really does drive home how bad the workplace is the rest of the time.

Totally. Although last night, because this is the first time we've ever used my account so it's like it says like rihanna's or is delivering to you last night um we got a call and it was just like clearly some fucking bro at like you know it was like midnight well like 1am and it was like clearly some bro who was like on the piss with his mates. And he called me just to like. What, just chat with a lady? Be like, you're a girl. Yeah, he was like, hey, gorgeous.

Are you delivering my Uber Eats? Are you? And I was like, yeah, mate. I'm almost at McDonald's. Like, I'll be there soon. And he was like, all right, sweetheart. See you soon. And then when James hopped out of the car because james was mad he was like did he just call you just because you're a girl james was like i've

never gotten a call like that before and i've been doing uber eats for a year and he was jealous why aren't the men calling him up and just checking out you know calling him gorgeous he's a wonderful person like sometimes he'll get flirty drunk messages from girls he's like delivering to, you know, like being like. This is a world that I don't think I've ever tried to fuck an Uber Eats driver. That just seems like it's not a good sign. Although I will say when I was a Santa, I used to be a Santa. Oh, really? In Melbourne about six years ago.

I was a 24-year-old Santa Claus going to people's houses, like rich people's houses in the outer suburbs. They get me to be their Santa Claus going to people's houses, like rich people's houses in the outer suburbs. They get me to be their Santa Claus. And there would always be, you know, just big plumped up 50-something year old MILF ladies who would be sitting on your lap and touching your shoulder and going, you little boy, give me a special gift, Santa, and I'd go, I just wish I was dead. Nudge, nudge, you're, you're, here's what I'm talking about, mate. Yeah, he's talking about the present from...

Oh, emptying his... Onto a fake... Now, this is not what the Sailing Club is all about. As it should be. And positivity. Now, the finances of the Sailing Club. I wanted to let everybody know what they were. You know, Rhi, we've had some Patreon sign-ups.

Five of them. Five of them for the first episode. I saw that. We're on $54 a month. That is good. So we're aiming for half a million dollars. That puts us on a catamaran in only 771 years. Okay.

So 2,792 AD. So we're on the way. We're on the way. And I just want to say to you, dear listeners, if you sign up to this Patreon for a mere $10 a month, well, that comes down to 651 years away, saving us

120 years. And I've done the maths on this. 120 years is the lifespan of either one very old turtle or 40,000 tragically young turtles. The ones who don't even make it off the beach. I was very pleased with that. That's funny.

There's no advertising money yet, Rhi. We don't have any yet. Okay. And if I leave in that thing that I said about Santa Claus, I'll bleep that out for the advertisers. People would have heard a big bleep, and that's why. We want a pro-advertising show. We need something like 10,000 downloads per episode episode we're slightly over 100 at the moment so reed do you have any ideas of how we could get

approximately 9 900 more people to download every episode of this show okay what i'm thinking is just based on like my uber eats experience of door to door door to door babe okay you need to be going to people's homes to people's places of work yes and you just need to be having a chat you're charming hun okay they will let you in oh i just hello i've got a qr code here you need to be having chat alternatively i'm happy to do some groundwork here in brisbane when i do deliveries, I can also give them a little pamphlet. Hold on. Hold on. Re-herba delivery pamphlet.

I like this. You know what? I have a $54 budget. I'd happily spend that on some printouts that you can slip into the bags. I tell you what, whatever the printing cost is, I'll pay you the same amount per one can slip into the bags. I'll tell you what, whatever the printing cost is, I'll pay you the same amount per one you slip into the bag. That could be as much as $22, $26.

Oh, I like this. You know, I used to work on the doors as well. I used to be a Foxtel door-to-door salesman in country towns. Boy, oh, boy, the domestic violence you see out there knocking on people's doors trying to get them to buy the History Channel. Boy, oh boy, the domestic violence you see out there knocking on people's doors trying to get them to buy the History Channel. Now, number two. Number two is welcoming our international listeners. So in those just two episodes, over 100 downloads.

We've had so many nations involved. I thought it would just be Australia, but no. So a big shout out. Five or under, I imagine. You know, United States, five downloads. Five downloads from the United States. Also, four downloads in Switzerland. So a big hello to Switzerland. I don't know what they say.

Konnichiwa, Switzerland. Konnichiwa, Switzerland. None from China, sadly. Sorry. And then in the United Kingdom, they've given us also, I think, two. Ireland, top of two. Ireland. Top of the morning, Ireland. Belgium.

A very chocolatey download to our one Belgium listener. And then you won't believe this. Egypt. Really? From the east. From the mysterious east. We had an Egyptian listener. May I just say, I hope your military dictatorship is, you know, light and easy.

The Netherlands, Rhi. We had a Netherlands listener. People say they're the Netherlands. I say they're the, yeah, the land. Absolutely these lands are cool. I always say that about. And, of course, New Zealand. Classic.

I'd honestly be surprised if New Zealand was not on the list. So, Konichiwa, New Zealand. I'd like to sail to New Zealand. I think that would be a good first sailing destination. I don't know if that's easy to do from Australia. I've been looking at some of the wind maps and it looks bad. Now, it looks like, you know, people go, I've done the sail by going via Antarctica.

And I think that's really nice. That doesn't seem like a preliminary sale. I mean, personally, even just like the three-hour Jetstar flight is, you know, rickety enough for me. You know? I think, listen, I think you're going to make so much money handing out these brochures for the door-to-door catamaran plan. I think Jetstar will be a thing of the past. I'm seeing private jets in your future read-down. Big things are coming.

Now, do you know anyone in another country, by the way? Yes. I don't want to interrupt you. No, I was going to say, well, I'll get the private jet and then we can, like, take turns. So I can, like, go on the yacht sometimes. You can come on the private jet sometimes. You know?

I like this. You know, that is the only reason that I wouldn't want to be on my yacht is if i was in my private jet because there are some places you can't get to on a yacht you know like switzerland aren't you like aren't you like i don't know like this is something you actually want to do you're trying to get you're trying to get a yacht. Okay. Aren't you fucking terrified of the sea? I've started having nightmares about what happens when I have my family on the catamaran. It's started to become just a little bit real and then I just wake up in the middle of the night going like, oh, we're trying to sail over to Rottnest Island from Perth

and now I'm in the middle of the Indian Ocean in a typhoon. So we'll see. I'll get better at that. But no, I really want to do it. I think I don't talk about the reason that I want to get the catamaran on the public podcast. But I think... Yeah.

He's like... So I'll edit that out. I'll edit that out. Now, so many important things to talk about. We've got a couple more things before I have to go to this work meeting. And thank you for joining me at this time. My pleasure. It's honestly a good reason to get me awake.

Well, that's what it's all about. It's about getting people up and moving and energetic about the catamaran. Number three, art. Rhi, now you know about art. You make those naked ladies out of resin. And I've had an idea. And I think you know about the art world, so you may be able to give me some tips.

This is an idea I had for making money. I was at a gig with Dusty Rich, and he drew something on a napkin that was quite good. Do I still have it? I don't think I've used it to blow my nose. He drew it on this napkin. I'll show it to you over the Zoom camera. There it is.

It's a skeleton with his head on fire saying, this career is killing me. And with comedy written under it. And then on the other side, there's like a baby alien saying why. It says why. It's beautiful. It's heartfelt.

And so I'm going to have that cut up and framed into two separate pieces of art. And I think I'm going to auction them off and have that money go towards the catamaran. I think that's a good idea. I will also do a drawing for you. Really? Yeah.

Re-to-draw-also. Put that in the note. That's two items for the auction already, and I just came up with it as an idea. Yeah. Even get your Patreon listeners to give me a suggestion of what they want to see. Do they want?

Well, they. They want you on the catamaran, really. I don't know how to make a poll. I don't know how to use Patreon yet. I keep saying, if you pay extra money, you can vote on things. And then I'm trying to figure out on Patreon what this is voting. I will also look up how to do a poll as well. So I'll do the drawing and then I'll also do some little wiki how.

Rhi, you paid for yourself on this podcast. We found you work. You're contributing. You are a very wonderful guest to have on the podcast. And then I had to move through to number four on the agenda. And it's very important because you're so good on the podcast, Rhi. I need to talk about sexism in the sailing club. You know, namely, is the sailing club sexist enough?

Because at the moment, there is no sexism in the sailing club. Because it's just you? Oh, yeah. No, it's just you? For example Oh yeah No it's me and the previous guest And the people on the Patreon But we have no rules banning women Okay I think you should

What if they get their period and the sharks come? Thank you That's the sort of thing that I as a man Don't want to bring up My gut feeling is to let all the women on But I thought we'll get a woman on And maybe there's a reason Traditionally that women have been banned maybe that wasn't men banning them

maybe women were saying don't you put me in your club don't put well i'm gonna speak for myself anyway don't put me on this fucking boat because i'm so scared of the ocean it really fucking freaks me out you know but also like you know there are weight requirements to boats. You can't have too much. What are you going to do? I won't hear that. Put a ton of tampons on a fucking boat and then you sink? No. Women have their periods. No.

Boo. I think prepubescent and menopausal women, they're definitely allowed on the boat. And ultramarathon runners who have lost their periods, they can come on the boat too. Yes, yes. Ballerinas can come on the boat because they're not fucking getting them. And trans women, they can come on the boat.

Trans men immediately barred from the boat if they're of menstruating age. You know, because it's not just women who menstruate re. I am aware and I have no comment. No, I'm leaving that one in. So you're saying don't let women on the boat. I might have to overrule you and let women on the boat because even just in the sailing club, you don't have to be on the boat to be in the sailing club.

And you would clearly be such a good member of the sailing club. There are secretaries. I can think of many roles that women might fulfill from door to door delivery to secretarial work that we would want women doing in the same. So you know what, I'm going to overrule your sexism. And I'm going to say women. say women yes re how long has that been going for that's a podcast once i cut out all the slurs that'll be a podcast uh let's i want to have some re thank you for coming on this is a you know what i move emotion number five option number five to admit re down to the sailing club, despite her being a woman, and she doesn't think that should be allowed,

but I hereby put forward a motion. Do I have a second to allow Redown in the sailing club? Am I allowed to second? Absolutely not. No, you're not in the sailing club yet. Okay, sorry. But I will. Sorry, I'll shut up.

Oh, you can. Shut up no more, Redown. You're now officially a member. I'm going to stop this mug. You're now a member of the Sailing Club. Congratulations. I'm so excited. I'm also going to make us little badges so then you can give them

to your Patreon members and then you can also give them to the people who are in the Sailing Club. I mean, you're going to have to pay to get them put on badges, but I'll do a little graphic for you. Badges, door-to-door, a painting, no, drawing, drawing for the auction. Look at that. Read down.

Of the four people I've had on this show, yourself included, you're the only one who's gone above and beyond and really brought something positive to the sailing club. You come back on this podcast any time, and I hope you enjoy the final segment affirmations that's the final thing we do on the sailing club we do our affirmation i'll give you some now i will buy a catamaran i'm just saying that out loud i will buy a catamaran that's an affirmation here's the next one i will invest the 54 from my patreon subscribers prudently and hasten my journey to catamaran ownership in a responsible manner. I've really all week I've been thinking about taking that money to the dog track,

but I haven't done it. I'm so proud. Thank you. Yes, that's my affirmations. Do you have any affirmations you'd like for your life? They don't have to be sailing related. Okay. I will be a productive member of the Catamaran Sailing Club. Wonderful. Wonderful, Rhi.

I will save my money next year because... That's what we like to hear. Prudence. I really need to. And I will continue to be cute, caring, and kind. Hey, hey! You forgot fierce. Thanks, Queen.

Cute, caring, and kind, and fierce. Read down. And, you know, I've got another affirmation. I tell you, when this manic episode that I'm currently in, read down, when it ends and I lose all my desire to continue episode that I'm currently in, read down, when it ends, and I lose all my desire to continue working on a podcast about catamaran ownership, I'm just going to keep going. I'm going to fight through the despair. Absolutely. That's actually such a good affirmation. I feel that's so hard.

Read down. I don't do a guest of the year thing. You're guest of the year. I'm claiming it now. Read down. Winner, guest of the year. So many wonderful things you'll bring to the sailing club. You don't have to set foot on the boat. You can just come over to the clubhouse and have a martini. I mean, I'll come on the boat when it's docked or if we are doing a really chill little kind of close trip. Just around the marina. We'll just turn the engine on and take her around the marina. Basically, if we were to fall out of the boat,

a lifeguard can basically see us. Absolutely. I'll get you two life vests. But, yes, thank you. One for my top and then one I kind of wear like a diaper. And floaties. And I don't know if these exist, but I'm going to buy you a special flotation helmet.

Oh, my God, yes, please. For when my head hits the water hard. helmet oh my god yes please for when my head hits the water hard it reduces the splash re i have to go to a work meeting that i'm now late for that i have to just sit with my microphone and camera off and pretend that i'm paying attention in but i want to say thank you so much for coming on the catamaran plan you have been a treasure and a delight thank Thank you for having me, hon. I'm so excited for you. I'm excited for us both on this wonderful venture toward me owning a boat. I just want to say, everybody listening, go sign up to that Patreon.

If you have a friend, tell them about the show. I now declare this meeting closed. Thank you, Redown. Thank you.