The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Episode 3: Professional

Episode Date: January 9, 2022

Thank you for listening to the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan podcast, and for bringing me, James Donald Forbes McCann, that much closer to boat ownership.One must be professional. That's the only way this podcast is ever going to reach the heights of boat ownership. That's the only way people will choose to join the patreon.This episode, we talk with the wonderful Daniel Muggleton about all things professional, and also some things canal boat. VERY IMPORTANT NOTE: The art auction is taking place Feb 10. More details to follow in next week's show, but keep that date free! It might actually end up being extraordinarily easy to keep that date free, if the state locks us all in our houses again, but that won't be very much use for an art auction, now will it?That is Teezo Touchdown saying 'professional'. It's from his song, Professional. What a great artist, and what a great song. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.com. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! This podcast is brought to you by the Lonely's and James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan inaugural art auction. It's on Thursday, February 10th, 2022 at the Howling Owl Art Gallery in Adelaide.

There will be many terrific artists and more information will be coming on next week's podcast. For now, clear your schedules, ensure you've got lots of money ready to come to the art auction february 10 loneliness james donald forbes mccann catamaran plan inaugural art auction howling owl it's gonna be great hello my name is james donald forbes mcc a writer, comedian, low-income earner. I'm a humble suburban husband and father.

Poet, Catholic, I drive a Volvo, I'm a composer, I live in Adelaide, and I do not own a boat yet. It is only a matter of time before this soon-to-be-lucrative podcast changes that sad fact. This podcast, the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan podcast, it exists for one reason. To generate enough money for catamaran ownership. Yes, I can see the boat now. Glimmering.

Oh, it is a beautiful boat I could almost reach out and touch it And with your help, we are going to make it happen, baby And you know what that was? That was a professional podcast introduction I wrote that down I wrote that down and I read it out loud Because all the best podcasts I've noticed are professional.

So that's what we're going to do on this podcast, the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. No more slap, shod, silly, mucking about. Professional. Right now I declare the meeting open. Topic number one on the agenda. Apologies for unprofessionalism in the past. I apologize for last week's episode, dear listener. I was drunk. In the future, I will be more professional. Topic number two.

Professionalism. We're working on it. We've got the introduction. we've got the introduction we've got the structure we've got regular coming out of the podcast times we've got a sponsor granted i am the sponsor because it's my event happening at the howling owl february 10 the art show the big art auction so many great artists giving their work to us to auction off to make money to buy a boat anyway professionalism that's the item on the agenda professionalism i don't want to be the person who gets in the way of my being able to own a boat everyone else is working so hard and giving so generously on the patreon for me to own a boat.

I don't want to be the one to let the team down. So I spoke to my friend, Daniel Muggleton. I interviewed him earlier in the week. He is the most professional comedian going around. So we're going to talk to Daniel Muggleton. Here was the chat. Daniel, I'm a professional now. I'm becoming professional. Yeah, I get that. I, I'm a professional now. I'm becoming professional.

Yeah, I get that. I feel that. It's intimidating. One must be professional. And the reason I've got you on here today on the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan is to help me become more professional because I think of all the comedians that I know

and all the people who approach this who don't suck. It's a very important divide. Many comedians are very professional and very unfunny, but you're very funny and very professional, and that is a very rare phenomenon. So I wish to discuss professionalism. Thank you.

You're welcome. Topic number one to discuss, discipline. Let's go through some of the discipline things you have. You wear a tracksuit on stage. You have a have. You wear a tracksuit on stage. You have a uniform. I wear a tracksuit. Yes. You have a moustache.

You shave regularly to have the same hair and facial hair. That, I think, is untrue. I think that the hair is a fairly flexible piece of the logo. It's always good to refer to yourself as a logo if you're trying to be professional. I'm writing that down. You're not, in fact, a man. You're a Pringles can of a person.

That's what I am. I'm writing down logo. Yes. So you said to be recognizable, you're saying. Yeah. Well, you've got to have a consistent head, I think. Oh, see, I am so bad at this. See, I have the mullet.

I have the shaved head. I have the beard. I have the moustache. I have the panic attack, and then I just chop, chop, chop. Yes. Yeah, you seem like you're actively trying to avoid recognition. I don't just mean your appearance. I mean the way you perform also.

Very anonymous. I'm looking for a bowl cut next. Yeah. I mean, but I see that, but I'm just like I'm looking for a bowl cut next. Yeah. I mean, but I, you know, I see that, but I'm just like, I'm also very lazy. Like even in my personal life, you can't see this to the listeners, but I'm wearing like a t-shirt, but generally I'll be wearing a gray t-shirt like at all times. That's all I've ever, like, I don't even buy that anymore.

My wife just orders bulk, Like 15 grey t-shirts. A uniform for the logo. The logo. You got to be... I got that from a Steve Bennett review of Reece Nicholson. If you want to get inside. That's the Chortle website guy, Steve Bennett. Oh, I know Steve Bennett.

Reece Nicholson. When Nicholson used to wear always the tuxedo, always the bow tie with the fake glasses. His glasses had no glass in them. I need these to see. We're working on a logo, perhaps a uniform. I have got a little hat, a little captain hat. Might start wearing that everywhere I go.

That's good. What else do you do? Your content. You regularly churn out content. I's good. What else do you do? Your content. You regularly churn out content. I can't believe how you do it. Content, content, content. You say that. I always feel that I'm very lazy.

You've got a new video of you doing stand-up every 45 minutes from where I'm standing. Well, that's just the Australian internet just kind of loading them all up together they just kind of get clumped then there's a break for a few months but like yeah i mean this is what i don't get i this is how i clash with people uh james mccann like i shockingly i don't get on with everybody amazing amazing sometimes i disagree ideologically with others and not just because i was a communist in high school oh no i'd like to point out when i said

you were professional i meant that entirely in terms of work ethic and not just because I was a communist in high school. Oh, no, I'd like to point out when I said you were professional, I meant that entirely in terms of work ethic and not in terms of disposition. No, my disposition is niggly at best. It's kind of like that, an AFL defender on a clearly larger forward. Oh, yeah. It's prickly. You are well known for punching the testicles. Well, this is like, I don't understand people who don't want to work.

That's like, that to me is like anathema. Like, you know, those people that say I want to work smarter when they just want to work less. Yes. I don't get it. Like, I didn't get into comedy to not do any work. I got into comedy to do the kind of work that I like. Yes. I don't get it. Like, I didn't get into comedy to not do any work. I got into comedy to do the kind of work that I like. Yes. So you love professionalism.

You love to work. And we're going to try and bring that energy here with us to the Sailing Club. And indeed, we'd like to put you to use with that work ethic for the Sailing Club. So point number two, would you like to join the Sailing Club? What is the Sailing sailing club it sounds like a way to get to a resort holiday which i fear no it's it's you get to you get to come on the boat when i decide that that's appropriate uh-huh you um you so far that's probably the only thing well so far so i like you i like seeing like you whatever i see i've never had a negative

interaction with you i would i would love to join the sailing club it sounds so affirmed you're in it now as a part of the sailing club there are conditions perhaps you should have been told about earlier but one of them is what can we do to promote the sailing club we all must do our part to make the sailing club more successful. So I've gone through, I've done a catalog of your social media things and let's have a look at what you might be able to do

to raise the profile of the podcast that we might buy a catamaran with the proceeds more quickly. Instagram, how do you feel about a post? A post on Instagram? I don't know. Look, a post seems like a lot of commitment. I think a story.

This is more of a scoop. Fair. Fair. We'll go back across that post. Story. I appreciate that. I feel like I'm negotiating getting a free pair of headphones from some fucking influencer company.

It's like, excuse me, in exchange for this beautiful good, could I potentially take some of your clout sir yes but you don't get anything is the big twist here except one day you're allowed to come on the boat now do you have a tiktok i have a tiktok do you think there's some way for you to do a little dance on the tiktok that would promote the podcast i think i don't have tiktok i don't know if it's still the little dancers, the people doing little dances. I mean, I've never danced on TikTok. I hope not.

Anyway, I don't think I have. So TikTok, I'm going to put a question mark. Maybe you can do some comedy from the stage and record that. Do you have a mailing list? I do. I do have a mailing list. What chance are we of getting a link

on the mailing list this week? Very low. Incredibly low. Just a little link. I had a mailing list. What chance are we of getting a link on the mailing list this week? Very low. Incredibly low. I had a good time. Hello, everybody on the mailing list. I had a good time on this podcast this week. Check it out. Look, you know what I could do?

What I could do, James Buchanan, is I'm going to your hometown of Adelaide. Yes. During my show, I could, in fact, I could mention the sailing club live to the dozens of people who would watch me. During show, mention sailing club. Very good. Very good. That's a big tick.

This analog marketing, James, I've heard is the most effective kind. Well, we spoke to Redown last week, and she's going to slip little pieces of paper into the Uber Eats she delivers. She delivers Uber Eats? I know, things aren't going well. Now, they're going well. She does it to spend time with her husband. I thought that was one of the sweetest things I'd ever heard.

What, does he eat a lot of Uber Eatsats and she wants to deliver it to him that way? Otherwise, they're separated. That's a fucking nightmare. He's an academic and that's how academics get their money now. He's delivering Uber Eats. Yes. And they say, it was very beautiful. You must listen to the podcast.

They're so wonderful. I've got to say, if academics are doing Uber Eats, then a lot of academics must be in Middle Eastern studies. Yes, hello. Would you like your pizza? Excuse me, are you Edward Said, the author of Orientalism? Yeah, man. Yeah, things are tough.

I think the last thing that I really need to discuss with you is that you've been in the UK for a long time. You spent a good amount of time for the UK, and I thought you might be able to take us through some of that. We've got some UK listeners. And they are from the following places. Leicester, Hemel, Hempstead, Matlock, Palmer's Green, Raynham, Walsall, and Sheffield.

So I can't actually visit any of those places on a catamaran, can I? Oh, no. The canal system in the UK is incredibly intricate. So if you actually make it into the canal system, you can go up and down the country. Can you sail on a canal? I had never thought of that, doing a canal tour.

The only thing might be the width of the catamaran that could be an issue because a lot of these canals are quite narrow. You might have to turn the catamaran into a mono catamaran, you know, like kind of lose half of it, leave that. Like a yacht. Protecting the port of Dover. A yacht, yeah, that's what I'm looking for, a yacht.

I'd never not. Look at this. So I could actually, but I could just sail to England and then I could get one of these little canal boats and then I could just – do people do that? Do people do a stand-up tour of the United Kingdom via canal? I don't think they've done it for a while unless they were, you know, escaping some kind of criminal charge.

But people do live on the canal boats in London. Like normal people live on – Fascinating. They don't have to wear like a little sticker or anything saying they live on a canal boat. Because that would be cheaper, I would think, as well. Correct. That's the reason.

Honestly, James, now that I think about it, no one in the world should live on a canal boat more than you. That is your whole vibe. Like poverty, but not quite. Yes. That's exactly where you're at. Oh, this has opened me up to, I'm just, all I'm looking at now is canal boats.

Man, f*** this catamaran. This catamaran's, the ocean, disgusting, dangerous, unusual. Canals, little canal boat. Pop the family in there. Much nicer way to drown, I say. I want to thank you daniel muggleton i want to thank you for all the massive amounts of help you're going to do on social media i want to thank you for this advice about building a self logo and for giving us this wonderful idea

about being on these little boats i love these little canal boats daniel thank you thank you for joining the sailing club uh we appreciate it we hope to have you back very soon i would i would love to be back it's it's honor to it's an honor to finally be a member of a club that i respect so much that's all i ask is respect and honor keep it professional an enormous thank you to daniel muggleton once again for having come on the program and for promoting the catamaran plan and the sailing club. And of course, as enthusiastic as I now am about those canal boats, we are not getting rid of the catamaran idea whatsoever. We're keeping going with the catamaran.

I am just as enthusiastic as ever. But now, and you newfound little enthusiasm there. For a little canal boat. I could have one in my beloved Adelaide, I now realise. What if I was a... Look at that, there's James. He lives down on the River Torrens. It'd be such a joy and the smell would really, really, really get to you. It's a very, very dirty little river.

Issue number four. Three? Well, the next one on the agenda is the Patreon, and I wanted to thank you to all the new people who have signed up to the Patreon and all the old people who have hung with the Patreon. We now have nine Patreons. We are making just over 80 dollars per month so wonderful

at this rate i believe we will have the catamaran wait for it in a mere 519 years which i looked it up just on a whim i I thought, I wonder how old, like what is the thing that happened 519 years ago? Like how to contextualize that in the future. What are we looking back to in the past? And just on a whim, like the second thing I Googled was how old is the Mona Lisa? 520 years old. Smack, bang, right on it. So the catamaran is currently about as far away in the future as the Mona Lisa is in the past, which is to say in a certain sense, not very far at all.

And which is to say in another sense, extremely far away. So there's the Patreon, so many wonderful things. If you join the many wonderful things if you join the patreon i suggest you join the patreon next item on the agenda q a q a we've had some q's and i'm gonna give you some a's uh tarquin asks what boat name will you give your catamaran taquin i tell you i think a catamaran is a lot like a child you know you can have a list of names ready to name them but until you see the catamaran it's irresponsible to name them because um you know some i wanted to name my son hercules and then i saw him and he was not a Hercules here is what are some other questions um oh sw.in is my friend Samantha she asks should a catamaran have silver or gold detailing? Excellent, excellent question, Samantha.

I am of the opinion that a catamaran is not the same, silver and gold rules-wise, as a lady. And that even though a ship is a lady, I think a catamaran must be allowed to have a combination of silver, gold detailing, perhaps some lapis lazuli detailing, sapphire detailing here and there, a real Joseph's Technicolor dream coat of precious gems for the sea. Gods.creeps, and what I think will be the last question that I'll quickly answer today, is in the event of emergency, do your young and vulnerable family know how to swim? Gods.creeps,

the answer to that question is no. I know how to swim. The wife is a reasonable swimmer. The daughter refuses to go on the ocean at the moment. She doesn't like going in the ocean. And the son, well, he's no Hercules. Oh, I love them all so much. And I think they'll be safer not knowing how to swim. It's like that line in... Is that a movie?

That's not Inception. Interstellar, where there's that man sweating and he's like, if we go outside into space, we're dead. And Matthew McConaughey, what's his name? Matthew McConaughey, he says, you know, some of the best... I can't do his voice. Some of the best sailors never know how to swim. You know, he sounds approximately like that. That's sort of what he says. He says, the best sailors in the world don't know how to swim. You know, he sounds approximate like that.

That's sort of what he says. He says the best sailors in the world don't know how to swim, you know, because you're not going overboard. You're making this work. Maybe that's the policy I'll have with my family. Before we go for the day, let's have the final item on the agenda. Affirmations. I will be professional. I will buy this catamaran and i will be professional

to get to the level of catamaran purchase i can promise you that that's an affirmation i affirm it and i will find some way to logoify myself i must become. I am not a human. I am a brand. I'm a Pringles can. I think I'm just going to start wearing that hat. Since I had that conversation with Daniel Muggleton, I have shaved off my beard. Now I've got sideburns and a mustache and I don't look very much like the picture

that has been drawn of me for this catamaran logo. I don't look like my own logo anyway i will find some way to logoify myself affirmation affirmation and i affirm that i will organize this show properly and we're going to keep it going the art show we're going to get the art show it's going to be beautiful i'm going to pick up the paintings this week. I think we're going to frame them. We're going to get a string quartet. I affirm that the Omicron will not destroy all of my plans as it is destroying the plans of so many. I love you. Thank you so much for listening.

Catamaran on. Sail on. Sail on. Goodbye and have a good one ciao ciao catamaran ho we'll come up with a sign off okay