The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Episode 6: Extraordinarily rare and valuable collectables

Episode Date: January 30, 2022

Laura O'Callaghan is our very special guest! She is securing for the show some extraordinarily rare and valuable collectables.Register for the art auction (Feb 10): https://www.trybooking.com/events/landing?eid=861719&Come and see my Adelaide Fringe show:  https://adelaidefringe.com.au/fringetix/james-donald-forbes-mccann-aesthetic-af2022?fbclid=IwAR2oBtAKwY8W1ANb0OskIqe-Am7uhLHrYEr7GWpf--7xK7Dr8vVHZZDZJq8Come and see my Melbourne Comedy Festival show: https://www.comedyfestival.com.au/2022/shows/aesthetic#justonemore and join the patreon: www.patreon.com/jdfmccann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.com. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! Hello, and welcome to this, another episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. Can I just say off the top how wonderful it is to be doing this podcast to an increasingly large number of listeners?

Last week's episode was our largest number of downloads for an episode in a 24-hour period ever. We're growing every day by a certain percent. Well, we're not growing every day. We're growing every day by a certain percent. Well, we're not growing every day. We're actually, the day the episode comes out, it's very high. And then the next few days, it really does taper off until the new episode comes out every Monday. But every week, we're going up.

We're on an upward trajectory. We have had double the listeners, over double the listeners in the month of January than we had in December. Now, we did start the podcast halfway through December. So that's what you'd expect. But even when you take into account, it's not as impressive, but it's still something. So I want to say thank you to everybody who's listening. Thank you to everybody who's telling a friend. If you've given it a review, maybe that makes some sort of difference. I don't know.

So I just want to say thank you. It's joyful. We have momentum. We're moving into a beautiful new phase of the podcast where the boat is ever closer. Or I should say, if this is your first time listening, hello. Welcome to the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. This is a podcast where I, James Donald Forbes McCann, am trying to get money through a podcast, this podcast, to buy a catamaran that I may live on with my family. Of course, my wife doesn't want to move on to the catamaran with me. We

probably won't all move on to it. It'll probably more like a weekend. It'll be a sometimes home. It'll be a backup. Listen, the reasons and the semantics are not important. The important thing is that you're here, that I love you, and I want to thank you for listening and for all you've done to help grow the podcast, even if that's just you tuning in week after week. Now, there's just so much podcast to be getting on with. Let's open up the general meeting. Still haven't invested in a bell or a gavel. Keys to my Volvo will suffice for the time being.

Topic number one, agenda item number one. The first thing we have to discuss, we've got a special guest on the show today. Laura O'Callaghan, Loz, wonderful person. Used to do Fresh FM. Now is the breakfast host on Triple M with Ruined It's. It's a big deal. It's a big deal. She's a big cheese. I'm so happy to have her as my friend. I'm so happy she's having such success. And I'm especially happy that she's able to use that success for the catamaran plan. I had an idea about how Loz could help me with some specialty merchandise

with some of the people that she works with. We conducted an interview. Here it is. I'm anti-irony. I don't think irony is right. I think we need to get to the point where people can just be true to themselves and say what they mean. That's why I'd like to talk to you now about this very important boat podcast that you're on.

The man who dodges around anything serious with companies. There's no irony here. I'd like a boat. This is a podcast about the boat. Okay. What do you want me to do about it? Now, Loz, you are a wonderful broadcaster, public person. I actually went into a boat shop in Port Adelaide a month ago

to try and find a boat hat. And I was wearing a golden model shirt. Surely this is something that you buy online, a boat hat. Yeah, probably. But I like going to Port Adelaide for the vibe, you know. It's got really good vibe. I think it has good vibe. I'm going to call it, it's got increasingly good vibe.

Where's the... There are like three boat shops there. The boat museum. What's it called? The maritime museum. The maritime museum. But I call it the boat museum and I call the one in Birdwood. I don't call it the motor museum.

I say the car museum. Yeah, the car museum. How many goddamn times did I go to both of those places before the age of 10? Well, they're better than the actual museum. Did you ever go into the maritime underneath with all the bunks and the pirate ship stuff? No. Oh, I can still smell it. I think I only went once as a child.

My parents did not like taking me out to boat museums. You don't know what's underneath the boat where the pirates slept. I know nothing about boats, but the pirates slipped. You've got no respect for the sea, James. No, you're right. Poseidon is eagerly awaiting me to get on the water without doing the proper sacrifices so that he can ruin me. No, I know nothing about boats. He's going to stick his Triton in your tushy.

His Triton is a Toyota. Oh, Tritant? What is the Triton? Is the Triton a Mitsubishi? Trident. Trident is Mitsubishi. Trident. Trident.

Triton is the car. You know what's funny about that is I said it the other way around when I was talking about the car and I got made fun of it then. So I can't fucking get it right. I will never make fun of you. Okay. The important thing is the boat and the journey to boat ownership. I was wearing a gold model shirt and a man said,

gold model? Loz pulls. Like just out of nowhere he was like, this lady I listen to on the radio, she used to pull parts with that boat. Are you kidding me? And he was like, do you work with Loz pulls, like, just out of nowhere, he was like, this lady I listen to on the radio, she used to pull parts with that button. Are you kidding me? And he was like, do you work with Loz? I was like, no.

He's like, oh, I listen to her on the radio all the time. Very funny lady. Did you say you knew me, though? I did, yeah. I very quickly said, well, not through that. And I've never worked there. I just bought this shirt. I never want to get to the point where my friends

don't say that they know me. Oh, no. I was very quick to say that I knew you. I was like, well, listen. You listen to me. It's actually much more impressive than me having worked at this pub. Surely you're not still working at the Golden Model. She's cried in my car.

I don't think you have. I reckon I have once. No. You bought me McDonald's after a party. No, I don't think you ever cried in my car. I think we were sharing an Uber once. I've never been allowed in your car because you'll always say, oh no, it's very messy.

And then once I walked past your car and I did look in and it was very messy. And messy. I have messy cars. It's something I don't like about myself. Now to start the podcast off right. We're doing this art. Let me tell you about this art auction we're doing. Yes.

I found a napkin at a gig. Have i told you about any of this no but i know that i'm being roped into something to get someone to sign something look at this i found this napkin at a gig and it was done by a man named dusty rich and he it was it's just a nice napkin you know he's he's a great ass comedian but he just doodled it out and i thought like there's me with the napkin and there it is it's a skull saying this career is killing me and i thought wouldn't it be fun to auction it off so we started organizing this auction and it's turned into a big auction i got kieran involved and paul and you know kieran just knows everybody yeah it's very weird so now there's like 15 artists that's a great idea yeah we're doing the howling owl and what's the money going towards

catamaran but are the artists getting money? Yes, the artists will get some money and the people I'm doing the auction with will get money. But my share as auctioneer slash proprietor is just going to the boat. My children don't see any of this money. Well, your children don't see any of your money, James. They still, one of your children has braces and they're still on breast milk. Mother, when can I eat groceries? We've only got money for your mother.

We've got to fatten her up like a cow. It all trickles down. It's trickle down economics. I'm seeing one of those champagne towers, but just Taylor squeezing breast milk into the top and trickling over. It's natural. I actually think this is a cool idea. Thank you.

I don't know if it'll make you any money, because I don't know if people have money to spend on art at the moment, but I love the idea. This is what I would have thought, but I cut the napkin he did. He did both sides, and I cut it in half, and I've put it on the internet, and this may be different by the time this goes out. I liked that, actually.

I did see that. I thought that was really funny. And I also think... Can I tell you what it's up to? What? What do you think it's up to? $80. $200.

Yeah. $200 for the napkin. People are ready to buy art. And do you know what I think is great about it? Is that everyone thinks it's about them because everyone hates their father. Everyone hates their job. It's beautiful. Actually, I love my job, but it is that everyone thinks it's about them because everyone hates their job everyone hates their job and actually i love my job but it is killing me it's not the hours are ridiculous yeah it's not right the amount of free energy drinks has that gone up when you were at fresh i no longer drink energy drinks really yeah i drink coffee now like a big boy i'm impressed yeah i i had to

you know why I stopped? Because I was Like Mark Rusciuto was shaming me so badly Because he just could not handle it He just was like That's fucked, Loz You can't have one of those every day Yeah

And I was like One? This is what you see I got an eight pack in my car I'm writing at the moment for a snus website. What is? Oh, is that the chewing tobacco? It's a bag of nicotine that you put in the gum.

And the Swedes do it. But I'm running their websites. Does it give you cancer? I think just only on the gum. What an awful place to have it, though. I know. Because what do you... It's a whole top lip move.

And you go, no, I'll hide it. Oh, God. I know. Because what do you... It's a whole top lip move and you go, no, I'll hide it. Oh, God. But, like, what can you do? Like, you can get a skin graft, but there's nowhere else on your body that has gum. You've got to get false teeth and a fake moustache. Yeah. False teeth.

But it's... Well, some of them are marketed to children. I feel a bit weird about it. Wait, what? And there's one that is an energy drink flavoured snus to bring those two things beautifully together. It's an energy drink flavoured pouch of nicotine. What's the energy drink?

They've just said energy drink. I don't think there's anything in mine. Oh, man, we've all got some skeletons in our closet, but this is... If I had some here, would you have some? Listen, I've never tried snus before. That's a lie. Have you tried snus? When I was in Europe, never tried snus before. That's a lie. Have you tried snus? When I was in Europe, I tried snus.

I was at a German camp site. I've just written 2,000 words about it. How was it? It was really numbing. It felt like what I imagine cocaine feels like rubbed on the gums. Do you know what I'm saying? No, it's just winking for some, yeah. What's an eye twitch from the cocaine?

No, it was numbing. It felt like Bongella on my gums. And then I got the most insane tingles and head spins because I'm very sensitive to the nicotine. I was going to ask about the head spins because it's like having 10 cigarettes at the same time. It's awful. And I'm selling that as a positive thing.

I'm like, this nicotine kick can't be beat. That's the line that I wrote today. I think that's accurate. Mm-hmm. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. 18 kick can't be beat. I think that's accurate. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessie Cruikshank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids.

I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge. And it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com. I like I don't smoke sober because it makes me physically unwell, but even when I'm drinking alcohol and I...

The reason why I don't have one at the moment, but I'll have a pouch because I feel embarrassed asking. Yeah. And I also like being the person to give out cigarettes. It's a beautiful, generous... I felt that way about COVID tests. I have 13. Do you need a COVID test?

I'll hook you up. Not right now. I'll put in a little... Like a cocaine deal. I've got a little... How about you pay me for this podcast? No, there's no... With a COVID test. I got put in a little, like a cocaine deal. I got a little, like a wee guy, I've got a little bag. How about you pay me for this podcast? No, there's no, there's no,

I got them very cheap at Costco. Now here's how I would like if you could help for the art auction. It's going to be so wonderful. You work with Mike Rusciuto and I thought, well,

if Mike Rusciuto signs something, people might buy it. And that often happens and it'll be things like a football or a Guernsey. I know no one's asking me to say this, but he is the not, like he's the best dude ever. Like, he genuinely is.

I'm so glad you have that relationship with the hard man of Adelaide football. Eight-time All-Australian Mark Rusciuto. Brown low medalist. One-third of a brown low medal. Two-time premiership. And it's no less a brown low medal for only having a third of it. I thought what would be the funniest thing for Mark Rusciuto to sign? So what I've got here is a little, well, you'll know more about antiques than I.

Oh my God, that is so dumb. That's like a Marie Antoinette era sort of. It's like a little French aristocrat porcelain statue. Where is he meant to sign it? I thought just on the hem of her poofy skirt. Like there? Yeah. I thought the décolletage would be inappropriate.

But just anywhere on the skirt. It's all bumpy. Yeah, it's not going to be an easy sign, but I've got a special texter. And I thought, wouldn't that be the funnest thing for Michael Schurter to sign? See, this is the thing. A small China statuette of a French aristocrat? Probably made in the 1980s? Four dollars.

Fine. We're also the basis for it. I'm, of course, happy to do it. I appreciate that. The thing is, is that I'm so, I have a lot of shame and embarrassment, like, woven into my core. And I'm just embarrassed at, like like explaining to him the catamaran the whole thing because he's gonna think it is the weirdest thing he's ever heard and he's gonna

be confused so i'm gonna have to just say you're doing it for charity okay and it's an you can say truthfully not for profit yeah okay Because it is a not for profit. I'm not profiting. But the artists... Oh, the artists will profit. I can't let you say it's for charity because that would be a lie. Please. My friend James...

What do you mean? You could say... What do you mean I'm not allowed to lie? My friend James, who's neurodiverse, you could make out that I have some sort of intellectual incapacity whereby I think this is a good idea. Well, I guess that's not a lie. There you go.

I know a very special man. It's like a make-a-wish, but he's a grown man and he's alive. Don't compare your weird obsession with owning a catamaran with the children who won't see 13 and just want to shake ronald mcdonald's okay i will get this signed thank you i don't when is the auction it's feb 10 oh yeah okay and here's one other thing to sign that i think is funny see this i think you'll understand yeah this because this is a joke See, this I think you'll understand. Yeah. Because this is a joke. Yeah.

Like, this is just a clear joke. So this is a picture of Jonathan Brown, MasterChef celebrity winner. Nick Rewalt. Right. Look at that. And if Mike Rusciuto, so it's two football players who are not Mike Rusciuto. And I think it's very funny if Mike Rusciuto signs it I've also got a big frame in the car And who knows how much that would go for

Kieran took this picture Isn't it a lovely picture? And you know where they are? Where? Ebenezer Place Right by Hey Jupiter Can I get him to write This isn't me, Mark Rusciuto

Someone also had a thought Could it be funny if he put little devil horns and moustaches on them? He can deface it all he wants. Yeah. He can do anything he wants with it. Okay, I feel much more comfortable with that than the doll. But see, I think the doll... The doll is so you.

It's not for the public, it's for you. I think that doll... You like the little aristocrat doll. Surely somewhere there is like a cuckoo clock shop where they love the crows and he would have that as a very special thing. No? In my reality, it's an object of so – it would be such an unusual object. Really, it's never going to exist again.

I think his concern is just where the f*** is he meant to sign? It's all rippled. Honestly, that was the least ripply one. It's so hard. There are so many ripples on these dolls. Now, how would he feel, honestly? What if I get a different doll? Décolletage.

Very smooth, flat décolletage. It's so small. The back. I think on the ripples. All right, the décolletage is probably the only place that I will be able to get him to do it. The arm. Look at this bit of the arm.

But that's tiny. That's funnier. It's more funny. He could honestly just sign the back of her hand. She is a petite, delicate woman. The poster, I will do. The doll will be a challenge. Would you like me to come on live on air on triple i don't want you to go anywhere near him i don't want you guys to ever meet

it's like we've met i we used to work at similar times and he would say good day and i'd say hello yeah that's weird you No one says your full name. Huge thank you. Huge thank you to Loz. What a wonderful person for agreeing to help with this very unusual task. We recorded that interview about a week and a half ago. I'm picking up the artifacts soon. I don't know if we call them artifacts.

The merchandise? That feels wrong as well. Collectibles. Aha! Yeah, I'll be picking up the collectibles soon. Final items to discuss on the podcast today. We've got the art auction coming up. The Premier of South Australia, Stephen Marshall, as in his magnanimity and generosity,

he's now allowing 80 people in the venue that we're doing the art auction at the Howling Owl. Well, that's my understanding at least. So we've got extra spots for you to reserve your place in the art auction. Come on down! Do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do do Come to my art auction. Yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah

I'm stressed. I'm stressed. I'm stressed. It'll be fine. It'll be great. It'll work. Okay. Last thing I wanted to bring up, by the way,

we've had some more Patreon people sign up. We've now got 11 subscribers. Can you believe that? 11 people on the Patreon. There's a special Patreon-only podcast that comes out on Fridays called Captain's Log. Word on the street is it's even better than this podcast. Oh, James, could that possibly be true? I don't know. I'm not a good judge of my own work. It's got 11

subscribers. We're pulling in $93 per month and 97 cents, which means if we get hashtag just one more, hashtag just one more Patreon subscriber at $10 a month, which is a level of the Patreon that entitles you to a beautiful Catamaran Plan Sailing Club membership card, hashtag just one more, we're going to be at $100 per month. That could be you. You could be the person who going to be at $100 per month. That could be you. You could be the person who pushes us over to $100 per month towards the $500,000 catamaran for me. All right, let's close it on out with some affirmations. I will organise this art auction.

I will get people to come to the art auction. 17's a good start, but you know what they say. You can't make enough money for a catamaran with 17 people at an art auction. It's an old expression. We've got room for 80. Let's get it up to 80. I'm going to make it happen. I handed out that press release last week.

We got in CityMag. Very exciting. And we're going to be in so many more mags. to make it happen. I handed out that press release last week. We got in City Mag. Very exciting. And we're going to be in so many more mags. City Suburban Mag, if that exists. Let's get in there. Oh, good times are coming. I affirm it. I'm going to start doing these podcasts earlier in the week. I've got to affirm that. I did this one. I'm recording this at 10.36pm Adelaide time, Sunday the 30th of Jan. That's just not good for a podcast that's meant to come out Monday morning. I'd like to be doing these a bit earlier in the week. I affirm that I'm going to sort my life out.

I've got a couple weeks left at my job. I've got all this freelance work coming in. I'm just, I did my Adelaide Fringe trial show. I did my trial show. That went pretty good. You can get tickets to that. It's called Aesthetic. Hey, here's another affirmation.

I will be better at promoting my comedy show, which is the thing that I'm supposed to be good at, rather than just my art auction, which is, no, I'm going to do both. I'm not going to, listen, you, hey, this, this life, here's an affirmation. This life is an and sort of place, not an or sort of place. A wise man told me that once. We're going to do it all. We're going to get it all done. We're going to do more things than you could ever. I'm going to move these paintings that I'm storing in my attic into this gallery. We're going to have a big art auction. We're going to buy a boat.

We're going to sail around. I'm going to do comedy shows from marina to marina. Imagine that. Sailing up to that little town next to Mount Gambier doing a comedy show there. Sailing up to Portland, Victoria doing a comedy show there. Be sailing everywhere doing the comedy shows. Oh, I'm going to be, I'm going to take my children to the Maritime Museum. I really didn't get taken there very often, I don't think.

Maybe because I didn't like it. But I'm going to take my children to the Maritime Museum. I've got to be a better, more generous father and probably be a little more quiet. It's all going to come together. I affirm. I affirm. I'll see you next time. my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had. Now with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant. Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails, I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help and bam, instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at

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