The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Failed buffer (ft. Jordan Barr)

Episode Date: June 12, 2022

Hello. This is a buffer episode that ended up coming out at the same time and being recorded at the same time as always. But in the future! Who knows. Please join the patreon if that is something you want to do:https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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CBC News. This is a podcast called The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. It is all about James Donald Forbes McCann trying to use a podcast to generate $500,000 to buy a boat. Why? He cannot say. When? He does not know. How is it going?

Not especially well. But perhaps that doesn't matter. Perhaps the real catamaran is the friends we make along the way. No. Absolutely not. The real catamaran is the friends we make along the way. No, absolutely not. The real catamaran is a boat. And now. You know what I don't like is when people tell me they're busy. Just, you know, you say, how are you doing? And they go, oh, got a lot on. I've never liked it. I've never enjoyed someone telling me that they were busy. It's sort of, it's a low-key diss, it feels like.

It feels like they're going, I don't really have time to be talking to you. It's also a puffing up of the chest. It's to say, I work very hard. I live out the Protestant work ethic. Look at me, I suffer. I work hard. I am trying.

I am not slothful. It's like a, it's a brag. Boastfulness. And then thirdly, it's a pitiful scream for help. It's to say to the world, hey, everybody, I'm very busy. I'm not doing well. Like you'll notice that the people who actually are the busiest in the world, the CEOs of major companies, like Bill Gates, when he's not buying up all the farmland or coming to poison children or whatever it is that Bill Gates does, not casting any aspersions,

love you, Bill, if there's any way you can help me buy a boat, I'll listen. But you know, if he's not on some weird sex island with children, what Bill Gates is doing, and I'm not saying he does do that, but I'm just saying when he's not doing that, which might be all the time. Anyway anyway when he comes out for a conference or an interview and they go Bill Gates how are you doing Bill Gates doesn't come out and go oh man I am just swamped there's too much going on I'm barely keeping up he comes out calm collected happy we've got some great things happening at Microsoft I'm brewing up a poison you wouldn't believe well he doesn't actually say that, but you can see it. There's an ease to these people, even though there must be so much going on in their lives. These top CEOs, imagine that, the FBI breaking down your doors, the, you

know, Mossad's trying to pin you with something. All these CEOs have all this stuff going on, I would assume. And yet they seem calm. And yet people I just speak to, normal people, middle management, people working not very impressive jobs. Oh man, I'm running off my feet. It's crazy. I'm not coping. I hate hearing it. And here's another thing. I say that all the time. I am more than anyone I know. I tell people I'm busy. Much of this podcast is me complaining about how busy I am. Busy, busy, busy, busy. And I wonder, since I hate that, and since I am that, is there something I can do to transform myself, to make myself better so that that's not happening anymore? And I think the thing that has to happen is some sort of buffer.

I record this podcast on a Sunday night, usually, and then it comes out Monday morning. And the only reason for that is because I have fallen into a nasty habit of doing that. It's not as though I have to keep up with the breakneck cycle of Australian news reporting what the Prime Minister is doing at any given time. I don't have to do that. This is not a Twitter account, you know. This is a podcast that people can listen to at any time. There should be a little more largesse.

Not complete largesse. We still want it close enough to the plans taking place that we can all feel involved in moving on together. But I think I could probably, you know, if I did it on the Friday, would that be the worst thing ever? What if I did it a week prior? What if I managed to have a buffer of two weeks? Two weeks of buffer.

So that if I got COVID, something that has not happened to me but which statistically will happen at some point I don't have to go oh no episode this week or even worse here's the COVID episode where you can hear me cough it out and have feverish you know unpleasantries spewed into your ears. We don't want that. I think some sort of healthy buffer is a good idea. So I'm recording this on the Wednesday. This will come out on the Sunday. Very little has changed between now and Friday.

Not enough time has passed for me to really have many updates for you. I apologise. I'm still going to Melbourne. Now, by the time you listen to this, I'll have come back from Melbourne. You know, what could be very exciting is if I, you know, God forbid, but if I die in a freak plane accident on the way back from Melbourne, and then this still comes out on the Monday,

oh, imagine that. Oh, I don't know why I put that into the world. Man, that's some bad juju. Oh, I'm not happy with that. Will I edit that out of the podcast? No. Because I'm not superstitious. Well, I am superstitious.

But anyway, this will be coming out Sunday. I'm recording it on Wednesday. I will have been to and returned from Melbourne in that time. Thanks to everybody who came out to the shows. That's almost certainly not the right tense. Thanks to everybody who will have had come out to the shows. Man, what tense is that? Present, past, perfect?

Will have had? It's lovely to think about. And that's the sort of quandary we can have with this buffer episode. But it's not just a buffer episode. There are still things to talk about. Important things. Things I'm not sure if I'm able to talk about properly

because of a sad glue-huffing accident that I took part in. I, um, order of business number one, just smacking my sharpie into my desk there, order of is a gavel, which I still haven't found, but maybe I will have had found it by the time this comes out, but that's unlikely because I won't be in the same state as where I think the gavel is. Okay, so number one, the glue. Yes, I, as a part of the mug making for the people on Patreon, if you joined the Patreon or you did a couple months ago,

I said I would send you a mug and draw on it and great. And part of getting the drawing to adhere and not wash off of the mug is you have to put the mug in the oven. Bung a mug in the oven. Bung a mug in the oven. And I did that, but I did not take off the stickers that were on the mugs. And I didn't realize that's why there was a weird smell. But I think that's what has happened. And I think the glue has melted and turned into a gas that has gone into my brain.

And I tell you what, it did mean that I ended up enjoying that episode of Stranger Things more than I think I otherwise would have. But I will refrain from having the stickers on the next batch of mugs that I draw up, bake and send out once I have had come back from Melbourne. Anyway, once you're listening to this, I'll probably be baking some more mugs without the stickers on, without the glue problems. Boy, are you watching Stranger Things season four? I am. I'm enjoying it. But I will say, I'm not saying that they've gone too woke. But what I will say is the whole season is about a bunch of... The thing that James said in this part of the podcast

has been removed because it was potentially career ending. Maybe we'll cut some of that out. Maybe this is... Maybe that's the... Maybe that's the glue talking. Ah, look, potentially that's the glue talking. And now an impromptu interview with Jordan Barr that James recorded several days later on the way to a gig.

I was just like, I was like, are you getting out a diary to write something down? No, it's my special podcast microphone. This is great. So we're off to Bendigo. No, it's all right. Man, that's a blurry windshield. So we're off to Bendigo to do a gig, and you're emceeing, and I'm the top end of the show man.

Ah, yeah. I didn't know that. Congratulations. Thank you. A lot of time has gone past for me to be allowed to do 35 minutes in Bendigo and I hear they're great people. Okay, I may not tell you about the podcast. Ah, there's nothing to say.

What is there about it? I'm trying to buy a catamaran. That's the whole thing. Okay, from money that you make from the podcast or just in life? to say what is there about it's a i'm trying to buy a catamaran that's the whole thing okay from money that you make from the podcast or just in life from money that i make from the podcast yeah so i monetize the podcast in every way that i can it's called the james donald forbes mccann catamaran plan and i uh so so far we've got around three thousand dollars started at the start of the year we've made more we've We've got a Patreon. That's so good.

We're getting there. And how much is a catamaran? About $500,000. Well, you're chipping away at it, and isn't that great? So, you know, with $500,000, you could buy a home for your family. You could. Now, these concerns have been raised in previous podcast episodes, but you've got like three podcasts.

Is that correct? I do. It's too many but i i don't know how to say no um but i i'm i have a sex in the city podcast and then a podcast is just about pop culture and then a podcast is about toilet graffiti oh tell me more about this toilet graffiti podcast well it's me and lewis garnum i love louis and i've got a podcast story about louis garnum oh my, you have to tell me. But he and I, basically, we give each other photos of graffiti and toilets.

And you know how in bathrooms it looks like a conversation? They'll be like, Brandy's a slut. They're like, actually, Brandy's a friend of mine. She never did those things. And so the premise of the podcast is we uncover those stories we find out the backstory behind the graffiti you see a sign that says for a good time call and you call them um we haven't look we haven't seen them yet but i'll call them i'll i'll do whatever it takes i remember there used to be a tree by henley beach that had a whole lot of phone numbers carved into it but any he's oh look, I love Louis Garner.

What a great person to do a podcast with. And one is with Irvi, is that correct? Yes, with Irvi Mujamda at Honor Wolf, and that's our Sex and the City podcast where we just watch Sex and the City and talk about it. And I've never seen it, so I'm watching it as it's happening. Sorry about my windshield. No, it's great.

It's great. I once did a podcast with louis i'll just wait till that subsides no it's cool it's cool there we go i once did a podcast with louis garnum and he was real good about it i had been on a there was a uh a friend of mine was dying and i just spent a weekend by the beach with her and uh it was very like loose chat yeah you know everyone's just having a good time and I came back she's also a very conservative catholic lady and I just came back and boy oh boy I was saying some wild stuff that you can't say on the Lewis Garnham podcast and I really wrestled within myself like should I get in contact? I said about nine cancelable things on that podcast.

I was drunk, sad, and no inhibition. And then he got back to me. I didn't have to tell him to take it down. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessi Cruikshank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I

switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning.

Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News. Go back to me and say, hey, the audio quality was very bad. So it's too echoey and it can't come out. But I'm pretty sure he just went i can't put

that to ear and found a really polite reason to not do it well isn't that so polite though because it's much nicer to say that than something else but also um i also i also truly believe that lewis kind of fucked up the audio it's yeah that's that is possible it was an exceptionally echoey room and um i don't you know two white men talking about and here yet another potentially career ending thing that james said has been cut out of the podcast all that's getting cut now real chicken of the egg how now you got three podcasts yeah yeah one big thing i do on this podcast almost entirely is asking to go on other people's podcasts because i want to get the clout man that's hard to see i want to get the clout like i've been on sam peterson's podcast twice yeah that's been really good for me and i'm trying to

get on other people i'm about to write will anderson a letter because he's gigging in adelaide and i'm going to give him a hand-printed letter. I won't write it, but I'll type it up. Just being like, please let me on the podcast. Can I come on any of your three podcasts, please? Yeah, absolutely. Do you know what? We'll have you on Sex and the Sex.

Would love to. Which is the Sex and the City one. You'd be shocked to find out. And we'll give you an episode and then we'll, well, maybe you prefer the good graph one. Let me tell you, I'll do all three. Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, and we'd love to have you on Pop Gaze. Is that just about homosexuality and pop culture?

Yeah, 100%. 100%. I'm down. I'll yassify myself. And we're really all about that. We love to yassify all of our guests. Actually, we haven't had any guests, but we are... You know what?

I'll be... Let me... There's just no way I should be the first guest on that podcast. But I think, wouldn't it be hilarious if you were? Well, which one has the biggest listenership? Definitely Pop Gaze. Oh, a bunny! Wait, what just happened there we

just saw a bunny on the road it was real little oh i should have i swear but i should have got it they're a pest we're gonna put the podcast away now thank you so much for coming on the show no we we did almost hit a rabbit and i wouldn't i wouldn't want if i were to kill a rabbit i'd want it to be very quick and i can't guarantee that in this car. It's too rainy. You know, we just need all focus on getting this gig safely, don't we? Oh, a big bloody thank you to Jordan Barr. Wonderful person, wonderful drive, really enjoyed it.

Obviously, though, this is not the buffer episode. It hasn't turned out to give me very much of a buffer at all because I was in Melbourne on my way to Bendigo when that conversation was recorded and I'm now in Melbourne having just walked up some stairs. Maybe I'll just pause. Maybe I'll start recording this again. Hold on. Okay, more or less got my breath back after walking up the stairs. Back to talk more. Yeah, this episode has taken too long to do. Not a good buffer episode.

So we'll work towards having more. But I might have a day. This might get finished a day before the podcast has to come out. And so that would be very good. And then maybe we'll just work out. Maybe the next one will be two days and then eventually I'll get ahead. But I can't see it. Thank you to Jordan Barr.

Go and check out all of her many podcasts on which you may find me soon. I hope to go on Pop Gay, if that's what it was called. Again, I don't listen to podcasts, so I don't know. Well, let's have a little ocean news, eh? Ocean news! Here's a lovely story that I saw in Science Daily, your source for the latest research news. And the story is British coral predicted to be resilient to climate change. Isn't that wonderful?

And it says an iconic coral species found in UK waters could expand its range due to climate change. New research shows it's the pink sea fan, a soft coral that lives in shallow waters from the Western Mediterranean, brackets, Southern Range, to Northwest Ireland and the southwest of England and Wales, brackets, Northern Range. This is a otherwise vulnerable worldwide species, listed as a species of principal importance in England and Wales under the NERC Act of 2006, but according to a new study, they are likely to spread into new areas around the British coast as global temperatures rise. And I just think so much talk of climate change in the ocean is doom and gloom and negative and sad.

And yet here is a coral that is thriving, at least in the short term, thanks to climate change. So well done to the pink sea fan soft coral. It's a difficult world out there. A lot of difficult threats coming your way and you're making the most of it. So three cheers for the Pink Sea fan. I think we could all learn a thing or two from you. And it would be nice if a few more species could, you know, if we can't stop the climate change, let's at least have a good time with it.

And you know, that sounds a little bit like an affirmation. Affirmation! I may not even have to put an echo on that. This is an echoey room. Just like that room I did that podcast with Louis Garnham. Louis Garnham, if I'm allowed to come back on your podcast and say some less hateful things, I would love to. Affirmation, I will follow up. Jordan Barr, who was really so wonderful at the gig as well, and such a nice person, and I'm going to try and get on those podcasts. Affirmation!

I will, I had this thought that I would write a letter to Will Anderson, because I'm doing a show with him, and rather than just going up to him and saying, hey, please can I come on your podcast, I think if I write him a letter, that might be more impactful somehow. And affirmation, I will edit my interview with ACT about Zimbabwe pronto. And the biggest affirmation of all is that I will try and generate a buffer episode. Life is just going to get ever so much easier if I am able to have some sort of buffer in the future. But I am still recording this before the show that's something before my uh saturday melbourne comedy show i hope it goes well i'm doing two shows theoretically i think i've only sold tickets to one of them at this point and they're back to back and i just

the show that people have bought tickets to is the first one and i can't imagine that it will be so good i mean it's not like it's a loosey goosey chit chat show where people have bought tickets to is the first one. And I can't imagine that it will be so good. I mean, it's not like it's a loosey-goosey chit-chat show where people will come back and there's a different show. It's just the same bloody show a second time. So that would be really exciting and impressive if I was so good at the first show that the 50 people who came to that one went,

you know what, let's watch the exact show again. I can't imagine that's going to happen though. I don't believe there is an example of that having happened ever. Well, it's been real. I am really looking forward to coming back to Adelaide, but have had a very nice time in Melbourne. I don't anticipate the plane will crash, but I think there will be time. Obviously, the plane here did not crash. But there is time for the plane on the way back to crash. So if the plane has crashed, and this comes out, I hope this has been very spooky for everybody. And please pray for me and my family and look after them and look after each other. catamaran ho i love you i miss you i

need you i will really have to start i've got to get the rest of those mugs done i've got to finish my bloody book i think if you listened back to this podcast you would go man he has a lot of ideas for things and then doesn't do any of them it's not so much the james donald forbes mccann catamaran plan it's the catamaran he's got some butcher's paper and he's just scribbling out things that sound good but he doesn't have the agency to get any of them done but we're working on it we're getting some of them done i'm all right catamaran catamaran catam, Catamaran. Catamaran?

Catamaran. Catamaran. I'm quite hungover after the gig last night. Listen, this gig that I did in Bendigo, it was really lovely. And there were some really lovely people there. And I don't want to humble brag. I don't want to boast. But for the first time in many, many years, I received a standing

ovation after a comedy show. That changes a man. If you're an opera singer and you get a standing ovation, well, I'm sure you get that all the time. Do you know how few shows to 35 people in the back room of a burger bar culminate in a standing ovation? It doesn't happen all that often i want to thank you everybody for coming i'm going to thank all those people for

standing up i would like to begin a culture at my shows of standing ovations i think people must want to do that sometimes and don't even know that that's something that they have the potential to bring and i just want to let you know if you come and see me live you are totally permitted to give me a standing ovation that is something if you go man that guy should be famous what can we do to help if i'm doing a spot a five minute spot at the comedy store or something i just tell my jokes for five minutes and get off feel free to stand but of course you don't have to. And of course if you can't stand, absolutely don't.

You know? Unless the comedy is so good that it heals your affliction. Once again, this has been the James Donald Fools McKent Catamaran plan for another week. We're going to work hard.

We're going to get that Zimbabwe episode done. Everything's going to be very positive. I assume this is very echoey at the end of the podcast. God bless you. God keep you camera and heart Thank you. ស្រូវនប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ Thank you. Bye.