The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - final plans

Episode Date: May 7, 2024

Join the sailing club to contribute financially to James Donald Forbes McCann's journey to boat ownership: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccannBuy the several books written by James Donald Forbes McCann: https://www.jdfmccann.com/books Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines and i get schooled by a tween facebook is like a no that's what my grandma's on thank god phone a friend with jesse crookshank is not available on facebook it's out

now wherever you get your podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Hello and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. Oh, I've recorded so many episodes of this podcast in the last couple of days and relegated them to the trash or just in the unused folder look i'm nervous something's happening something is happening to me and it's you know obviously good but this podcast i mean we're actually a chance of getting a boat

podcast's blowing up it's gotten four times bigger than this time last year so many people are joining the Patreon. That's where I'm going to be putting the episodes that I'm canning. Look, it's humbling. It's beautiful. It's great. It's weird. I'm in California.

I feel ugly. There are all these beautiful people around. I'm sitting in a hotel room that's nicer than any hotel room that I have a right to sit in. I played the Greek theater. Neil Diamond played the Greek theater. Hot August night. That's the room. Well, it's a room. It's not a room. It's just an open field, but it's a beautiful field with a lovely stage. Well, it was a nicer stage in the past. It used to have columns and they made it all sleek and modern. And actually I found that to be one of the more depressing parts of it. But it was acoustically perfect.

It's a great audience. I'm opening for Shane Gillis, who is having the most incredible and deserved success. I got to go and see the Tyres premiere. How he has found the time to make a television show while blowing up with the comedy is quite beyond me. Look, I'm flummoxed there's a lot there's a lot that has to get done for me i feel like i've been i've been given this great blessing by being here and being a part of this wonderful crew and well you know if that was the point of my life, I think I could be pretty happy and comfortable there. And yet, I am on a quest to buy a boat. I can't just sit comfortably in a hotel room and enjoy playing at the greatest rooms,

not just in America, but in the whole damn world. Again, not a room. It's a field. It's a theatre. It's like a greek amphitheater like sophocles i have plans for boat ownership i have i mean that's why i'm here that's why i'm using the advertising money from this podcast and the patreon and the youtube and the book sales from james donald forrest mccann publishing to uh fund this so that we can, you know, be in America, tap into that live wire, make that money for the boat. And I've made a list. I made a list of the things that I'm going to have to do by the end of the year. Are you ready? Okay. Number one, the music.

I've actually done these A through F. What's that? One, two, three, four, five, six. There's six things. First one is the music. The music has been the least successful avenue for revenue for boat ownership. I think we've made about $8 on the music release this year. Now, one of the songs was more successful than the others. That was Here Without You, Baby. And I enjoyed doing that.

So I think doing covers rather than my own music might be the way forward. So an idea that I've had for a long time that I want to start working on is an album of covers of songs by women. You know, because women are just as capable at having good songs as men. Just as capable. But maybe there are men out there who aren't giving those songs a shot because they've got women singers. So I'll be covering songs by women and releasing that. I'm going to call it Cover Up. I'm thinking of wearing a headscarf and lipstick.

Don't need the lipstick. Don't need the headscarf. It's called Cover Up. Scarf and lipstick. Don't need the lipstick. Don't need the headscarf. It's called Cover Up. An album of, well,

In the landslide brought me down. There'll be that one. All along it was a fever. I'm the chosen one, but I'm the only one that need a saving. That one, that'll be in there. I tried to say goodbye and I choke, try to walk away and I stumble. That song will be on there. There will be no white flag above my door. That one will be on there. Don't you worry about that. It's been seven hours and 15 days that one will be on there cover up new album of songs by women by james donald force mckinnon so then b new book of poems new book of poems is almost done

i tried to get the first book of poems had 38 poems second book of poems had 39 poems. This next book of poem, I'm shooting for 40 poems. I think I've got 33 poems. So certainly, maybe in a month, I will have finished my part of the book of poems. I'll then send it out for the introductions to be written. I'll get the cover. And so in about two months, I hope to have a new book of poems. How many copies will the new book of poems sell? Well, first two books of poems, they've now grossed over $1,000 each. Wow! They've also netted over $1,000 each

because it costs nothing. Well, I'll pay someone to do the art, but other than that, and I'll pay the people to write the introductory essays, but other than that, it costs nothing. So a new book of poems coming out. I have a new poem here from the book to read to you if you'd like to hear it. This one's sort of depressing.

I want you to know that I'm not a... All right. I just want you to know that I'm in a good mental health space before I read the poem that I wrote last night. If I ever find the poem, which maybe I won't, maybe you won't get the poem, maybe there will be no poem for you today, where's the poem, oh here it is, okay, here's the poem, and once again, I feel fine, I'd like a little kiss, and I'd like a little cuddle. I'd like a little pudding and a splish splash in a puddle. But more than anything, there's one thing I'm yearning for.

To drive my car off a cliff and into a deep ravine where the car explodes on impact and I die immediately. I'd also like a haircut and a sandwich and a bigger TV. But overwhelmingly, it is the car death that I want. I want it every day, and I've wanted it forever. But I want it slightly less than all the other things put together. So that's one of my new poems. And so new book of poems, that's thing B that we've got to be working on this year. Thing number C, two movies. Wimbledog is basically, it's everything but written. My film about a dog that plays tennis.

I don't feel the need to direct that movie. I'm happy to just write that script and see if I can sell it. I think it's going to be a big, big hit. But the thought of directing a movie that involves an actual golden retriever to learn how to play tennis, I think that's something that the studio system is better equipped to... Equipped? Equipped! Equipped! Equipped! to play tennis. I think that's something that the studio system is better equipped to handle. So I'll be giving Wimbledog away. Well, I won't be giving it away. I'll be asking for $500,000 so I can buy both immediately. And then when they say no, gee, I'll come down.

The second movie, Brad's Glove, which I do want to co-direct with Sam Clark. Gee, I'll come down. The second movie, Brad's Glove, which I do want to co-direct with Sam Clark. And it's not a huge budget movie. And frankly, I could take whatever money I get from the script, I think, for Wimbledog, and we could shoot Brad's Glove. Now, Sam Clark, at the moment, we're working on finishing a comedy special. It's not even here, but that's being finished off at the moment. It's a half comedy special half study

of autism uh this is a quiet reflection on autism it's beautiful it's i really love it and i think you're gonna love it too god save the king gotta write to sam today actually we're getting that out we gotta get that out uh we've got to get that out br Brad's Glove, we're going to... Okay, so Sam, he bought a 16mm camera, and I would like us to shoot Brad's Glove on 16mm. It's going to make it much more expensive, but hopefully the sales from Wimbledog will facilitate that. E, we're up to E for the things that I have to do.

World Stand-Up Comedy Breakthrough. So it's recording another special. Going on podcasts, winning awards festivals just getting to the point doing all the things that one has to do clips on the tiktok for as long as tiktok exists and then we'll just have the real this is very important i i'm getting to the point with the podcast where there's enough listeners where i'll be able to do an America tour. I can't tell you how happy I am. I did an episode a few months ago,

aspirationally that we would one day have 30 people, 40 people listening in any given city, and I'd be able to show up there and do comedy. We are so, so close to that point in so many cities, and in some of the cities we've broken through. So Chicago, congratulations. You're the number one city at the moment. I will be coming to Chicago. that point in so many cities and in some of the cities we've broken through so chicago congratulations you're the number one city at the moment i will be coming to chicago uh soon i think in later on this year i'm coming to chicago and i'm going to run my new hour new york we've got enough people

in new york for me to come to new york atlanta is growing very quickly and there are some cities in canada too and i must say thank you to our Dublin listeners. When I knew that I didn't, well, I didn't know. I didn't know that having a mental snap while I prepared my visa to come to America and working on getting some Dublin listeners would pay off. We've now got over 20 Dublin listeners. It's our biggest European city. Thank you to all the Dublin ladies out there.

I can't tell you how grateful I am for the Dublin ladies and men who are listening. We're coming to Dublin. I don't know when, but I look forward to bringing the family to Dublin. And F is the podcast. I mean, the podcast itself. That's the final thing. And I get an F for organization on this podcast. This episode was meant to come out several days ago. And I record, again, again i recorded three episodes they'll end up on the patreon go sign up that patreon it's all over on the patreon and this one is i think a public facing podcast because i think this is just mostly admin i apologize for all being admin thus far admin and a single poem i will be uh fixing the podcast the it's getting away from me i've become unmoored. I'm in LA and I feel pretty

untethered at the moment. And I think the reason that some of those podcasts went straight to Patreon, straight to Patreon, is because I've lost touch. I mean, the podcast is me sitting alone. And that's great if I'm in a good mental health. If I've just walked out from being with my family and I sit in the car and I do a podcast, I'm in a relatively normal frame of mind at that point, but right now, man, I'm all over the shop. They said, get that man out of the shop. He's all over the shop. I'm under the shop. I'm over the shop. I'm next to the shop. I'm sometimes not even in the shop. It's time for me to be in one place of the shop. And the way to do that is with other people, anchor people, a crew. I've got Sam, but he's all

the way in Australia. I need some people here in America to help me. I believe I've selected a crew to help with cutting the podcast into clips and recording. know do i struggle this is not there's no video component to this episode but the video component goes so well it just doubles the it adds a viewership this uh equal in size to the listenership we've now got like 2 000 people downloading the episodes and when the podcasts come out another 2 000 people watch that i mean this is we had 500 we've octupled the number of listeners in just a few months and that is really a blessing and i'm i thank you all so much and we're closer than ever to boat ownership but sometimes as you're coming into port seas get weird and choppy and rocks appear you were safe on the deep but here in the shallows it's harder to navigate so i'm putting together a team uh of a producer who will i mean is not going to do the audio editing because i don't trust that but i would like to well i might as well tell you i may as well tell you what the podcast is i i hope

going to become we're getting close enough to the boat now that uh i don't know if it's going to be this year i don't know if it's going to be next year i don't know if it's going to be this year. I don't know if it's going to be next year. I don't know if it's going to be the year after, but it's going to be in my lifetime, and there will come a time when I have a boat. And if that boat comes while I'm in Australia and I can afford a boat, the first thing I'd like to do with that boat is sail back to Australia. So the easy way to do that would be to buy a boat in Los Angeles or something similar and just sail it back

across the Pacific, stopping perhaps in Hawaii, Fiji, the Solomons, Vanuatu, just having a beautiful island trip back home. That's not what I'm going to do. I'm going to sail the wrong way around. You don't spend all that time and effort getting a boat just to sail it directly back we're going the wrong way around that's my plan we're going to start you know why not start in alaska possibly because it's difficult to sail in alaska i still don't know anything about sailing this is the sort of thing i'm going to have to look up then we go down the west coast of america seattle i think seattle's on the sea i don know, but we're going to sail down that coast, Portland, is Portland on the sea, San Francisco, Los Angeles, then down to Baja,

California, and Mexico, and then all the countries that come, I mean, I can bring up the map, I can bring up the map, hold on, bringing up the map, here I am in Los Angeles, after Los Angeles, yes, San Diego, Tijuana, Tijuana Baja California then we come down to Baja California sir that's down Mexico Mexico Mexico Mexico Mexico Mexico Guatemala El Salvador Nicaragua Costa Rica Panama now the coward move the pussy move at that point would be to go through the Panama Canal. I won't be doing that. I'll be heading down to Ecuador, Peru, then Chile.

I mean, I'd love to go to Chile. It's one of the places I most want to go. We round the bottom of South America, which I'm told is challenging, but I'm looking forward to it. Then the Falklands. We dart out towards the Falklands before coming into Argentina and we'll try and navigate that political situation. I hope that's calmed down. Uruguay and then up to Brazil

and we sail around Brazil. Then, oh, those little weird ones up the top right. French Guinea, Suriname, Guyana. Then we're in Venezuela and the Caribbean. We can go to the Dominican Republic. We can go to Haiti if the cannibalism has calmed right down. Then it's back into America through the Gulf of Mexico. We do the West Coast, Houston, New Orleans, Miami, all that sort of stuff. And then it's up, up, up up up, up, up, up, up, up, up, up to New York, to Boston, maybe even

to Nova Scotia then up to Europe, we do all of Europe then down through Africa past Somalia we try and do that in a safe maybe we actually died out a little bit past Somalia I'm looking forward to the Cape, is it called the Cape of Good Hope?

I hope we get to do the Cape of Good Hope. I can only imagine with that name that it's an unpleasant place to traverse. I mean, I'd love to go to Madagascar. So many interesting facts about Madagascar. That's where they were going to put Jewish people in World War II. There was a plan to make that the new Zion. And also, I believe they're Polynesians. They're not African persons, genetically. That's the furthest that Polynesians managed to get, unless that's where Polynesians started from. Gee, Polynesians are interesting. We don't get to see Polynesians quite late in the piece, after we've been to Yemen, Oman, Pakistan, Iran. Not in that order. I just got two of them wrong. not in that order i just got two of them wrong india ceylon myanmar aka burma oh we might even get to go to bangladesh oh bangladesh how is it that you have so many people so very many people

in your itty bitty country well now you've got two poems that's my poem called oh bangladesh then malaysia indonesia philippines then why not go all the way up? Korea, South Korea, Japan. I should have probably called it North Korea, not just Korea. I mean, they're both Korea. We'll see both Koreas. Maybe we'll even see a little of China. Oh, we could see Siberia if we really wanted to, and then down to Hawaii, and then I don't really know where Fiji is. Then I think I'd like to come into, well, New Zealand, of course. We'll have to visit New Zealand and Papua I'll, I'd like to come into, well, New Zealand, of course. We'll have to visit New Zealand and Wapua, New Guinea.

I'd like to sail into Sydney. This is my plan. Then up to Brisbane, Darwin, Perth, and then finally, sweet Adelaide. Sorry, Melbourne. No, I'm just,

I'm just screwing you. We will have to go to Melbourne. Maybe we'll go from Perth to Melbourne and then dart back to Adelaide and I can finish in Adelaide at the end. Melbourne has become our biggest city, which is fascinating because Melbourne is easily the place that I talk the most on the podcast. And the more I see of the world, the more I realize that's not Melbourne's fault at all.

It's the fault of, you know, hard and bad times that I had in Melbourne. And I love so many people in Melbourne. I love, love, love, love my Melbourne listeners. So I will, yes, come to Melbourne. So then that's the plan for the podcast, is to, I'd like to start planning that trip and figuring out actually what would be required to have a boat and take it around all those places. James, will the family come with you on that enormously long sailing trip? Answer, I hope so. Wife's not keen.

The important thing is to plan it. Look, if at the last minute we just have to go, that's too difficult. We're going the short way home. No one has the energy for this. You've got young children. That's fine. And I can do the sailing later on.

When the kids are grown and in college, university, trade school, working at the Home Depot. Bunnings. So many names for different things in these countries. What a difficult, strange type. Water. My American accent is getting a lot better over here. Hey, can I have a water, please? Is that better?

I feel pretty good about it. Water. Waiter, water. Water, waiter. See you later, alligator. That one won't be in the book of poems, I can tell you that. So I have to plan that trip. And so I'll have a producer to look up some facts about each place and just print them off and then I can just come here with a little bit of paper that's not the bit of paper but that's what the paper will sound like it will sound like all the other kinds of paper in the world well some papers with a high thread count might sound different maybe it's a coarser maybe sounds more beautiful anyway that's my plan for the podcast that's my plan for the podcast.

That's my plan for the year. That's my plan for the boat trip. That's the James Donald Forbes-McCann-Cadamaran plan. That's the James Donald Forbes-McCann-Cadamaran plan. It's wonderful to have you here on the James Donald Forbes-McCann-Cadamaran plan. You can sign up to the Patreon. I've got to start working on those songs by ladies. Well, here's a little foretaste of what is to come in that regard. won't be singing on this one but i hope you enjoy the backing track maybe you can sing along

if you guess which song it is i love you i miss you i want you i need you i'm feeling very lonely i want to go home to my i want to go home to my family it's been four days and i don't think for the rest of the year i have to go away for more than two or three days at a time but um I miss my I travel so badly I want to go home I want to see my sweet wife and my sweet children I was looking through photos of them on my telephone before oh baby I miss you kids I miss you catamaran ho everybody catamaran Ho, everybody. Catamaran Ho. Bye. Thank you. Kanskje vi kan ta en kvartal? Thank you. សូវាប់បានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបានបាូវាប់ពីបានប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្រាប់ពីប្� Thank you. Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture, that we recommend. until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a node. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank

is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.