The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Freak Cockroach Attack

Episode Date: May 15, 2022

Go follow and listen to Act! Here his Act's Instagram: https://www.instagram.com/actguitar/And here is his YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=02yFmm0lSks&ab_channel=ActGuitarLive show in Adelaide coming up May 25: https://www.trybooking.com/events/landing/904894 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 powered by Gemini. Anyone who knows me knows the Pixel has always been my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had. Now, with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant. Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails,

I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help, and bam! Instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. Hello, and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. The Brisbane Comedy Festival is over. I'm recording this on the Sunday night, just after my last show. I think we're walking out of this festival with a little bit of money

and a whole lot more Catamaran Plan fans. Oh, excuse me, I had a little hiccup there. I'm recording this directly after having an interview with a very special guest, a Zingerburger. Less of an interview, more of an eating and um and now now i am with you sitting in my manager's car out front of my manager's house recording this episode of the james donald fools we can't get him around plan did six shows i'm so five shows six shows i don't even know how many shows i've got i don't get to go home to adelaide. I have to go to Sydney first and do those shows. But I'd just like to say thank you to everybody who came out in Adelaide and Brisbane and is coming out in Sydney for these two coming shows. I am so tired. It is a very draining

show. It is a show about death and the death of people I love. And I am just afterwards. You know what I'm saying? That's where I'm at. That's what it's like in the old cranium. But the catamaran plan goes on. The catamaran plan rests for no man. If that man is me, it rests probably for other men, but rests not for I. Well, we've got some exciting things, though, to talk about, and so it's necessary that I have this catamaran plan episode. We can't skip an episode. We have some seriously exciting things to talk about. Thing number one. Actually, I do have some keys here that I might be able to jingle. Ah, but it's my manager's key and there's no house key on

it. I can just jingle the key chain on the car key. And so I declare the meeting open. Or maybe I could flip it out like a switchblade. It's one of those. Maybe that could be the sound that starts the meeting. Let's start the meeting. All right. Thing number one that is very exciting. I do. Actually, there's something I'd like to talk about first. I'm a little shitty. I gave some people a lift home last night, which I don't mind. Perfectly agreeable to give people a lift home.

I gave about probably too many people to fit in the car at this time. But the lady who was sitting in the front of the car, I turned the car on, and Classic FM comes on the radio, because I was listening to Classic FM before I popped them in the car, and she said, she was like mocking, she said, are you really listening to this? I said, no, I just, before I turned the car off, I quickly set it to classic FM so that anyone on the off chance that I did end up giving someone a lift, they would think, ooh, sophisticated.

I'm just, I'm not thrilled about it, actually. I don't know why that's gotten to me. I don't know why that's gotten under the skin, but I've it's stayed with me. I don't get in other people's car. There's no expectation that if I get in your car and you're listening to some brain-dead pop drivel

that I'll go, what are you, an idiot? Are you a dum-dum listening to a doof-doof music? Your dum-dums with your doof-doofs. It should be expected that when you get into a person's car, they're listening to Classic FM, or if there is a tragedy unfolding, the news.

That should be the norm. Anything else, you should be the one ashamed. And in fact, the fact that you should be ashamed to be commenting that I'm listening to classic FM and not just taking it in your stride. Be a bit more sophisticated, you know? Is it too much to ask of people? I remember I used to live with this man

and he would remark that I was always reading very thick books. You know, are you always reading things that are by Russian authors, you know, it's always a Dostoevsky or a Tolstoy, and when it's not a Tolstoy, it's my God, there's a cockroach crawling across the window, shit, fuck, oh, it's in the car, ugh, ugh, ugh, it's in the car get out oh that's gross get out you fucking get oh there's a second one

what the fuck is but then I have to get the window out to keep my there's one in there's one out and the window's closed shit what in the fucking fuck fuck where has it gone oh it's on the seat What in the fucking... Ah! Fuck! Fuck!

Where has it gone? Oh, it's on the seat. Ah, it's on me. All right. Oh, no. No, no, no, no, no, no. Ugh. Ah, fucking hell.

Hold on, I'm going to get this out of the car and then we'll keep talking that was terrifying and aha sorry I've just come inside the house and I had a little Mexican food left over and I'd left that on the counter and Slipper the dog has eaten the Mexican food and I've just found that and I hope Slipper enjoyed that I don't think there was anything there that would be problematic for a dog I'd pretty much eaten all of the Mexican food oh my goodness gracious me the cockroaches have scared the daylights out listen we've got to move on we've got other things to talk about there's very important things to talk about, and it's quite late at night, and I'm pretty sure our manager, Jake, is asleep.

Not only asleep, but now has, I'm sorry to say, a cockroach trapped in his car, potentially. Jake, I'm sorry, and I hope it gets out somehow. There are things to talk about. Item number one, live show. We're in phase one. We're trying new things, and one of them, I think, has to be a special James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan live show. Other people have live shows of their podcasts. And they're not nearly as good at performing live as I am.

So I can only imagine that the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran plan live show is going to be absolutely sensational and we're just going to do one in Adelaide and I've written down on my calendar when it's going to be and I'm opening my calendar now and that's the apple calendar but I'm on the other calendar excuse me it is I did not save it in my calendar. Good Lord. Okay, so how am I going to... How do I find it? Sorry, I'm all shaken up after the unpleasantness of the cockroach situation. I was in rather a good mood bitching about classical music and the people who don't like and understand it.

Hold on, here we go. jdfmccann.com for anyone else who wants to look it up. And boy, that's taking a long time to load. It's going to be worth it. It's going to be worth it. My website's not loading. Okay, you know what we're going to do? We're going to take it off Wi-Fi.

Golly, this one's going well, isn't it? All right, let's try loading that again. Not secure. Good to know. Thank you. Is my website down? No, it's not. Here we go. Just not a good website. All right. So jdfmccann.com and upcoming shows. And I'd like you all to know that it's May 25. Holy dooly, that's soon. That's 10 days away. Oh, I did not

realize it was that soon. Okay, well, May 25, tickets are on sale now. I'll put a link in the bio for this episode if you're in Adelaide and you would like to come to what I'm sure is going to be a very exciting and professional episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. It's the first ever James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan extravaganza. It's on May 25. Tickets are on sale now, and it is downstairs at the Rhino Room. So it's going to be great. Tickets on sale now.

Money going toward the journey to boat ownership for me. Please come in Adelaide. I won't say any much more about that because, of course, most of our listeners now are from Brisbane, and they won't be able to come, and I've just finished my last show in Brisbane for a time. So I don't want to bore you wonderful, sweet Brisbane people, let alone listeners across the world,

but people in Adelaide, first ever, James Donald, Forrest McCann, Cadmium Round Planet, Extravagan, May 25. Get your ass over there. It's going to be a real treat. Now, speaking of the rest of the world, something very exciting has happened. You may remember on the last episode, I had been going through my analytics on who was downloading the episode. And I saw that every week we had someone in

Zimbabwe listening. And I just put a little shout out. I called last episode, hello, Zimbabwe. out. I called last episode, hello Zimbabwe. And I said, listen, maybe someone has a VPN. And so, I'm sorry, I've just got a text from someone else who's very exciting. Another exciting thing has happened. Okay. So we've got a very special guest coming up on the podcast soon. And, and also a special guest. Listen, I'm all over the place. I've got adrenaline. It's a hot time in Brisbane. I've come off the stage doing a show about my dead friend, but I really want to share this thoroughly exciting piece of information. All right, so if you listened to the last episode,

I talk about Zimbabwe. And I said, if you're in Zimbabwe, if you're a real person listening to the episode, please reach out. Here is a text over Instagram that I received from Act Guitar. That's A-C-T Guitar. Hello, James Donald Forbes McCann of the Catamaran Plan. This is that one random Zimbabwean listening to your podcast.

I don't know if it's Zimbabwean or Zimbabwean, but that's what it says. Dot, dot, dot. My name is Act, and I am pretty real as far as I can tell. And yes, I do live in Harare. I first heard you on the Confessions of the Idiots with Sam Peterson, and that led me to your podcast. I'm sorry I'm too poor to be a patron, but I will listen to every week and maybe you'll get that boat. Also, as a musician who never

finishes a song, your music is great. And I've looked up ACT. I couldn't believe this. ACT, very quickly after that episode came out, ACT got in touch. I'm so moved. First thing I'd like to say is thank you to Sam Peterson for having me on your podcast. That obviously worked, and I needed to get on more people's podcasts, Lickety Split, but also the bigger thank you here to ACT for reaching out. I wrote back to ACT. ACT, thank you so much.

This is so terrific to hear, and I'm so grateful for your kind words. Ever since I first saw that somebody was listening from Zimbabwe, I'd been unable to stop thinking about going to Zimbabwe. This is true. And building a Zimbabwe audience and doing shows there. This is not something

that Australian comedians ever do, as far as I can tell. And I, by the way, I still don't know a single Australian comedian who's ever done a show in Zimbabwe. I write,

if you are ever available, act. I would love to interview for this podcast and discuss this and talk about your music also. I just listened to the Elvis cover on YouTube and it is very impressive. And that is the song, by the way, in the background now. It's act.

We're putting a link to act. You know, hey, you can't come to the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plant extravaganza in Adelaide on May 25th? Well, you do not want for entertainment. I've got a link there to Act's Instagram page. Follow Act. He's a great guy.

He's got a beautiful voice. Anyway, I keep writing. Also, please do not apologize for not being a patron. I am also very poor and do not subscribe to anybody's Patreon, which is true. I don't do it. If you have money and you'd like to subscribe to the James Donald Falls Camp Catamaran Patreon, please do.

But if you don't have money, absolutely don't sign up. You've got other important things to spend that money on, you know. But it's only $5. But still, an act wrote back. And he wrote, Hey, man, that's awesome. I would love to be interviewed for the podcast. We just need to figure out the nine hour time difference, but super keen. And do come to visit Zim. It's a great place to visit. Also, thank you for checking out the YouTube. I should definitely do more on there. And I've said to Act, I've

written back, mate, I will get up at the crack of dawn or in the middle of the night to interview you. Let me know whatever time works for you and I'll make it good on my end. And ACT, I will. It's been a very busy week for me and I haven't followed this up since saying that. But ACT, honestly, any time that works for you, I'll do it.

Also, I've written, can I read this exchange on the podcast? I'm very excited and think it would build up well to an interview. Because, see, here on the James Donald Force McCain-Katamaran plan, we're always building drama. Like, what I could have done, I could have just put out that shout-out and not had this exchange, and then one day just interviewed ACT. But now we're building the suspense and the excitement that I'll get to talk to ACT all about Zimbabwe.

And ACT said to me, you can definitely read this out, and a time that works for me is any week from 7am my time. Great to know ACT. And I will try and finish a song for you to play. So on a future episode of the podcast, hopefully this week, I'll be able to interview ACT. And he's going to finish a song. And we're going to play that song on the podcast. And until then, you can check out ACT's music, his Instagram page, and his YouTube channel. I am so excited. So excited. We're building up the Swiss audience in disabled toilets in Switzerland. We've got our poster up so that disabled Swiss people will know about the show

and also people who enjoy, who are not disabled, but luxuriate in the disabled toilets. And a Zimbabwe audience as well. I do note that both countries are landlocked. So it's good, I think, to have the fan bases there so I can go and do the shows there and make the money before I have the boat. Because once I have the boat, there's a lot of the world that's landlocked that's going to be hard for me to visit. So Zimbabwe, I've been watching videos about Zimbabwe. I've been watching people just walking through Zimbabwe with cameras in the streets of Harare, if that's how I say it.

I love it. I can't wait. It's very exciting. And then I noticed that after the last episode, hello, Zimbabwe, which is what that one was called, I also now have some South African listeners. We've got some listeners in South Africa. So if you're in South Africa and you're listening, please get in touch as well, because you actually cannot fly straight into Zimbabwe from Australia. You have to go to, I think it's Johannesburg first, or maybe it's Cape Town. I don't know. And then you go up to Zimbabwe from there. So it would be great. I fly into South Africa, perhaps. I do a big show in

South Africa. We fly up to Zimbabwe. Potentially an even bigger and more exciting show in Zimbabwe. We're growing. We're growing. We're knowing. We're showing. We're flowing. Act.

I'll be interviewing you soon about how to break into Zimbabwe and how to become a Zimbabwean star. Can't wait to come to Zim. Oh, these are exciting things. So many exciting things are happening. Affirmation. Affirmation. Let's just keep doing exciting things. You know, I'm away from home. I'm lonely. I'm terribly lonely. I want to be at home. I'm sick

of being away, but we must take joy in the excitement and make the most of it while we can. Affirmation. While I'm away from my beautiful family, we just keep trying. We just keep trying and building a better future. And I want to thank everybody who's come out to these Brisbane shows. At the end of every show, it's a sad show.

Again, it's a sad show about a wonderful woman dying and a wonderful man also dying. It's a very death-heavy show. And then at the end, I take my flies about my boat podcast, and I hand them out to people. And it's slightly incongruous, but so many of you have taken them in Brisbane. And I realise that's probably a better way to do it than just handing it out to people on the streets,

which is what I've been doing, and putting them on buildings and in letterboxes. Because I see now that that could look like it was from a crazy person, and we don't want that, you know? We want people to actually scan it and listen. And after you've listened to me talk about serious things for an hour, maybe there's no better way to give people a flyer. Maybe I need to do more comedy shows and flyer more people,

but I miss home. I miss my family. We'll figure it out. Ah, if this podcast gets big enough, I affirm that I will buy a caravan. I've said this before and I'll say it again. I affirm that we will buy a caravan. Affirmation.

On the way to the catamaran. And then I will load my young family into the caravan and we will drive around the country and indeed perhaps the world. And I'll do comedy and I'll drive around the country, and indeed perhaps the world, and I'll do comedy, and I'll tell people about the podcast and the plan. And we'll grow that way. We must grow together.

We're growing all the time. We're growing into Zimbabwe. We're growing into Brisbane. ACT, thank you so much. Brisbane, thank you so much. Jake, I'm so sorry about having those cockroaches in your car. Lady who didn't so much attack me as made a passing trivial comment about classical music playing in the car.

You know, good for you. I hope you enjoy whatever music you're listening to. Music doesn't have to be classical music to be great music. But classical music can be... Man, I was actually... I listened to... Tonight on the way home on the drive i was listening to classic fm because that was the other night that happened and tonight i

was listening to classic fm and it was just it was an opera sung in english and it was very atonal and it sounded new so i was like i can't i can't put up with this i can't have this this is this is exhausting so i changed it over and it was Triple J and it was the Triple J sex program for young people that they play on Sunday night. Because why not do that on the Lord's Day anyway? And the host was going like, Hi, Triple J.

You know, that dumb people voice that they use. And she was going, Mindy has said she is a PhD candidate for engineering and she speaks six languages. And she's taken that off Hinge or Bumble or Tinder or whatever the dating apps were because she's found that men are intimidated by her having a PhD. And that's wrong. are intimidated by her having a PhD, and that's wrong. So what if a man is intimidated by her having a PhD? I obviously wouldn't be intimidated by someone having a PhD, but I tell you what, everybody listening to that Triple J radio station is probably intimidated by me listening to classical music,

and you're not telling them that that's insane. And then there was all these other things and it's like isn't it wrong that you just can't be yourself on the apps on the dating apps like man i don't know maybe it seems pretty gross isn't it horrible that at a meat market for sex you can't be your true self what are you talking about who cares I'm sorry I'm in a mood it was the cockroaches it's a lot of things I love you

I love doing this podcast I love having finished a show keep it real everybody I hope you have a really nice week I love you thank you Hacked camera in hell everybody keep it real I hope you have a really nice week. I love you. Thank you, Hacked. Cameron Hough, everybody.

Keep it real. Thank you. Bye. Thank you. We'll be right back. Thank you. Bye.