The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Full Flight

Episode Date: August 4, 2024

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Are we going? Are we live? Oh! Hello and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. The program where I shouldn't sit like that. I did my back yesterday. Let's be sensible. Let's move forward in a sensible way. I'm trying to buy a boat.

I'm in Brisbane in a hotel room with my sweet dear friend, compatriot, cameraman, cinematographer, vision assistant, co-laborer in the vision. And first mate Sam Clark. He's brought two cameras. We're on this tour. We're going to show Brisbane tonight, Melbourne tomorrow, Sydney the day after, and then Sydney the day after that.

Then I fly back to sweet Adelaide for, man, 24 hours. Then I fly back to the United States. It's going to be a slog. for, man, 24 hours? Can I fly back to the United States? It's going to be a slog, but boat waits for no man. You know, I'm going to be real with you. This is being recorded immediately prior to the nap. There will be a nap before the show tonight.

We've got two shows tonight, and that will have already transpired before this comes. I think this will come back. I'll be on an airplane to the United States. And maybe we'll film a couple more. And I'll manage to, while I make that desperately

tricky transition to a new time zone. How many Ts did we get in that sentence? Desperately. I could have gone terrifically tricky transition to a, what's a word that means new that starts with T, Sam? Something to think about. Something to think about for the future.

Yes, so we'll record hopefully one of these in each hotel room moving forward, and I'm about to take a nap, and the nap the nap is of course i can feel the despair coming from not having had a nap and it's that terrible show business nap feeling of we could have the nap and it's really 50 50 on you wake up from that nap feeling incredible full of euphoria ready to, or the despair has magnified. I don't know anything one can do to get a better outcome of that nap. Maybe you just have to come out of the REM at the right time. Maybe you need a big block of cheese. Time does not afford any such solution.

A research to be done, it probably would afford the solution. Can't imagine it's that big and difficult. But I don't know. Now is not the time to be done. It probably would afford the solution. Can't imagine it's that big and difficult. But I don't know. Now is not the time to find out. Even though now would be the time where it would be most propitious to find out back in Brisbane. Wow, what a city Brisbane is. You forget it's so hilly. Brisbane, Brisbane, Brisbane.

Oh, you've got so many hills. Brisbane, Brisbane, Brisbane, Brisbane. I know how that feels. It's a poem that I'm going to try saying tonight, I think at best it would get a laugh, because people would appreciate it, that it wasn't a very good poem, and they were expecting an excellent poem, and that switcheroo, you know, like when you're watching Shakespeare, and you think, ah, this will be real high-minded, and then the porter is talking about getting drunk drunk and having no erection, but wanting to have sex. And you go, hold on a minute, Shakespeare.

I thought you'd be more of a highbrow type cat. And he's not. I've started reading The Canterbury Tales. I don't know if that's fun for everybody. The Canterbury Tales. I'm really enjoying it. The Canterbury Tales. I don't know if that's fun for everybody.

The Canterbury Tales. I'm really enjoying it. It was written around the 1300s by Chaucer, who you may know from A Knight's Tale. I believe he's one of the characters in Heath Ledger's Knight's Tale. Great movie by recollection. I think I last watched it when I was 12. But I remember thinking it was really groovy. Probably my first exposure to a David Bowie song. We've got important things to talk about. We've got important things to talk about. Things are going well. Since I've come back to Australia and I've been off the

American burn, we're holding steady on the Patreon. We had a big boom leading up over the last few months on the Patreon. Thank you for signing up to the Patreon, the main way that we get money for the quest towards boat ownership. And when I killed Tony, wow, that was a big pop. Tremendous stuff. And before that, we had God Save the King released, Patreon exclusive. So there was a big pop there. And I'm proud to say that it's held steady we're

holding on steady but uh this trip to australia it's not been at you know we're not getting as many new american fans at the moment we're consolidating the australian fan base we're recording things that will be used in the future. I think we're recording a couple specials while we're here. They're usually in a facility, but they'll be allowed to come to the show and have a camera pointed at them. There's important things to do. I am on a quest, fun fact, to buy a boat. Don't know if you knew that. Don't know if you've listened before. Have I already mentioned it? Certainly have. On a quest to buy a boat. And at the moment,

the main way that we're buying the boat is by becoming a big American superstar comedy icon. And being in Australia makes it quite difficult to become a big superstar comedy giga icon in America. You could say,

but James, can't you just use the computers? Can't you be in Australia and use the computers to build the big US fan base? I mean, I guess there's something about the flesh. There's something about temporal presence that is vital. You go to communion, you can't, they decided many years ago, you couldn't do that by a letter or phone or Zoom call. They didn't know they were deciding that at the time,

but that's how tradition works. We learn the lessons there, and then for things and situations that have not yet arisen, we apply them there. So I've got to be in America, and i've really got to hit that ground running because the biggest drawback we've had to buying a boat thus far is poverty it's having no money to buy the boat there will be other problems eventually not being able to sell the boat man the boat all of the drugs and prostitutes that I have onto the boat, ruining my life and marriage. No, we're going to try and keep them off the boat.

No women are allowed on the boat, no cocaine. I don't even really want marijuana cigarettes allowed on my boat, if I'm going to be honest with you. I think we're going to go an ibuprofen ceiling on the severity of the drugs allowed on the boat, just for my personal safety. Someone says, on the severity of the drugs allowed on the boat.

Just for my personal safety. Someone says, I've got ibuprofen and it has sinus medication. Dump it in the port. Allowed on the boat. Nicotine's allowed on the boat. Caffeine's allowed on the boat. If it ends in een. Oh, codeine. I take it back.

Woo! Benzadrine, I think that's necessary because it's a seasickness. Oh, that's benzos, though, right? That's the Bill Cosby. And it's a seasickness medication? And you can get on top of a fly honey and not ever remember it? What an incredible drug that we will try not to have on the boat. And of course, not only will only consensual sex be allowed on the boat,

married, consensual, intercourse, even that, I don't like it. No women on the boat. Except my wife and all the men who she insists on coming with us. It's good to be here in this hotel room in Brisbane. America. My heart is here with my countrymen on the red soil of Australia, but my mind turns to America and how we're going to break it there. How are we going to break it there? I think I need to get out there and meet people and do shows. I think we're really approaching. I've had a wonderful time opening for Matt McCusker and Shane Gillis and Sam Talent. And yeah, I think that's it in America. Those are the people that I've been opening for. And I couldn't be opening for better people,

the best in the business. It's necessary that we have a big enough fan base so we can start making that huge boat money by playing to American towns. Now, we have an American fan base and I have some of the details here. I have on my computer machine the details of where you lovely listeners are. Now, this is only the audio downloads. We have on top of these numbers,

I think it's like double the YouTube downloads. And then a lot of people don't like the podcast. But maybe they're big fans of the poetry or the comedy or just the way I look in pictures. And they're on the Instagram. Excuse me. It's been a big day. It's been a big hard time organizing all the logistics

for the family and transport and life and saying goodbye to people in Adelaide. And it's been very sad and very tricky. Hey, I've got the listeners here to the podcast. This is my most accurate information. Now, how can you tell from how many people there are here how many people will buy tickets to the shows in America, James? I'm glad you asked. Which one is the close-up? I'm glad you asked. Which one is the close-up? I'm glad you asked.

Are you able to go in and out with that? Oh, wow. Well, let's start out and then I'll say it really loud. This won't make a lot of sense if you're not on the visual component. James, just from how many people listen to the podcast, how can you get an accurate number of how many people are coming to the show? I'm glad you asked! How was that?

Did it stay in focus the whole time? More or less, more or less. Well, I've just done these shows in Australia, and I can see how many people listen in Australia, and I can see how many people came to the shows. Now, the only shows that I've done so far in Australia, outside of Adelaide, where we're getting, I would say, Now, the only shows that I've done so far in Australia, outside of Adelaide,

where we're getting, I would say, a fairly inaccurate measure. I don't think that's a fair measure, is Sweet Adelaide. Because a lot of friends and family come along there, and they just want to be supportive. And that's nice. But in Perth, I don't... I mean, I know six, seven people in Perth. I've been to Perth. I don't have the sort of connections in Perth where if you didn't really want to come to my comedy show, you would. You'd be totally socially allowed to not go.

How many listeners do we have in Perth? We've got 52. 52 listeners in Perth. How many tickets did we sell in Perth? We've got 52. 52 listeners in Perth. How many tickets did we sell in Perth? About 200. So I'm going to take that one isolated piece of information and say quadruple. We quadruple the numbers. That's where we're at. Now, once we're at, I think it's like a thousand people, then I'm selling out comedy clubs and making big big money we're not there so what we're looking at in a moment is places in america that i can get to and do a show

to enough we at least want to pay to get there stay there for a night and come back as we have here in beautiful brisbane isn't it nice that they've put us up in this we could have been put up in a much worse hotel room. I was very busy. I wasn't involved in the conversations about which hotel room we'd be at. My only influence was, I said, twin beds because Sam and I are not yet at the point in our relationship where we'll be a-spooning. Not that there are men that I've spooned with before.

Not in a gay way. Did we have a little Zoom action there? Did we have a little fun Zoom? Nah. I've got one friend who insists we don't spoon. That would be wrong. There was no Zoom for that one, was there? Anyway, we'll leave that behind.

There's some great things happening over on the YouTube. There's some great things happening in the audio. I've got this one friend who, when I go to stay with him, Anyway, we'll leave that behind. There's some great things happening over on the YouTube. There's some great things happening in the audio. I've got this one friend who, when I go to stay with him, he insists on me sleeping in the bed with him. He's always very well behaved. He's straight as an arrow. But his mother left when he was young and he needs people there.

So once he had my wife sleep on a couch so that I would sleep in a bed with him and that helped him. You know who I'm talking about. I'm talking about Amos Gill. I'll happily say who it is. You've never met a man more uncomfortable being on his own than Amos Gill. So, and there's nothing wrong with it. We were young.

We were beautiful. It was hot. Don't know that I'd want to do it now. I'm too old i'm too tired i really enjoy sleeping on my own twin beds twin beds i don't think someone has had two such fancy cameras set up in this hotel room without having shot some pornography i've got to say i just can't imagine why i assume that pornography is shot in hotel rooms seems like that would be the best place to shoot pornography.

Is it loud sex noises? Yeah, it's a hotel. What are you going to do? It's not in a home, so people aren't walking past. And, of course, there's at least one camera angle that we're getting to. It's very hard to go on the side. It's small. This isn't high-budget pornography hotel room.

This is probably meant to be only fans girl with her smartphone not that it's meant to be that at all we've got to put an end to that hey america we've got what did we have what did i say we had in perth sorry i'm very this nap is going to kill me and it's going to be a great show. In Perth, 52 people came, 200 people, sorry, 52 people listen, 52 people came in this room. Am I right? No, but seriously, folks, seriously, folks, quadrupling. And those numbers seem to bear out for the shows to come. So in America, where do we have people?

So in America, where do we have people? Chicago. I'll say this. We've got 1,662 people listening to the podcast in America at the moment. Wow. That's a lot of people. This is just one episode. This is the audio advice edition episode of the podcast. What a great episode.

Came out a little while ago. And that's about 65% of the listenership at the moment is American. Now, the biggest city, depending on how you measure it, New York breaks up into a bunch of different places. All the boroughs, as a siren goes past Brisbane's mean streets. 47 people listen in Chicago. So I should be able to do a 100-seat room twice in Chicago. That's my estimate. We would start with one, and then even if only those 47 people came, and I'm getting all these numbers way out of whack, 47 people.

Would it be enough to pay for the room and the hotel and the flights and the deep dish pizzas that I'll be enjoying? And, of course, the Al Capone Museum entry fee that I would, I don't know if they have one, but I bet they do. And would I be able to afford then a trip to the hospital for all the bullet holes that I received while visiting the South Side?

Sha-rak! Maybe, maybe not. But I think there's enough there to start making plans for Chicago. Chicago, you're the number one city. Well done. Congratulations. Shout out, Chicago. Shout out, city! Denver is number two with 31 fans. So that might be as many as 120. Am I doing that right? It's 31. So it's 124 people. Denver was great. I've been to Denver. Would happily Denver. I think they've got the comedy works there. It's a great club. I think it's a bit bigger than that, but we're well on our way in Denver. Let's rattle

some of these off. Philadelphia, 28. Charlotte, 27. Houston, 27. Great thing about Houston is it's close to Austin. Now, if these are close to Austin, I don't have to worry about a flight. I can just hop in the automobile and give the family a nice time. Go, hey, we're going to Houston. We'll look at the Space Museum. We'll check out the Carstenogenic Coast, I believe they call it. We'll see the real cowboy people of Texas. Not a lot of cowboys in Austin, except for ones who were born cowgirls

and later transitioned. They don't work on a ranch. They work at the Starbucks. And we love everybody on this podcast. It's just an observation. New York, 27. But then like Brooklyn, there's a similar number. And Queens, there's a similar number.

So I think realistically, if I do a show in New York, 100 seater, we can do it. Portland, 25. Los Angeles, 23. Austin, I could do a show there and not even have to leave. 19. I'd happily do a show to 40 people in Austin. Miami, 19.

Atlanta, 17. Pittsburgh, Seattle, 17. I'm just going to rattle these down all the way down to 10. And when you hear your city, I want to hear you go, whoop, whoop. I'll be over to here. Don't you worry about that. That's the magic of the medium. Indianapolis, Cincinnati, Sacramento, Dallas.

This is so close. Kansas City, Minneapolis, Omaha, Phoenix, Cleveland, St. Louis, Arlington, Nashville, Salt Lake City, Tampa, Oklahoma City, Queens. minneapolis omaha phoenix cleveland st louis arlington nashville salt lake city tampa oklahoma city queens that's one of the boroughs i think unless there's another queens san antonio we're down to the 11s now san antonio if we can get oh 11 yeah 11 listeners in san anton It's the closest city other than Austin to me. It's a two-hour drive. Just today is a specific San Antonio pledge. So the San Antonians pledge with me now. I, insert name here, San Antonio resident,

will tell several people about the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan in an attempt that they will become listeners. And then James will come and do a show in San Antone. It's a lovely place, Sam. Let me tell you a little bit. Let me tell you a little bit something about San Antonio. One of the best downtowns in America. It's built like a Spanish mission style city. So most places in America, downtown, lots of crime, lots of cars, very hard to walk around.

San Antonio, nice, clean. We went to a Target. They have Target there. Same, same, but different. Very similar. A little bit Target. They have Target there. Same, same, but different. Very similar. A little bit different. They have food. Not heaps of food, but more food than we'd have in our Targets anyway.

We saw the Alamo. We saw the river that's flowing through. It just like winds through the little cobbled streets. They have beautiful architecture. I would love to go back to San Antonio. I realize we were doing a pledge. And I hope you've recited all of that, San Antonians. I do so pledge.

Catamaran, ho! Tuscan, Columbus, Detroit, Memphis, Orlando, Richmond, and then on nine, Birmingham, Jacksonville, Milwaukee, Springfield, Buffalo, San Francisco, Alexandria, Riverside, San Jose, Washington, Las Vegas, Lexington, New Orleans, Raleigh. And then we start getting into ones that are quite small indeed. I'd like to be a big shout-out to our four Pluggerville listeners. Easily the funniest name I've yet seen on the pod. Pflugerville, where is it? It's in Texas. Wonderful. 65,000

people live there. Excellent. Oh, they've got a historic district. Where is it? So close to Austin. Pflugerville. I would love to come or have you come to see me but if we can get big enough i'll come to pflugerville let's have a look the beginnings of a community did not develop until after the civil war i've been reading about that not in pflugerville specifically but there were very few texans uh before the civil war the big texas boom came after i tell you another one that has a lot of people now that didn't way back then. Florida. Did you know that? Well, now you do. I'm loving reading once again. Got a little hectic for all there, but I'm back on my Civil War

reading. And Grant is now moving his way down river. I think it's up river. I forget which way the river goes. I think he's actually, I forget, but he's, there's a river, and the water's moving one direction or the other, and he's taking some forts in the western theater, oh, hey, there's a railroad, does that, well, hold on, hold on, could I get a train from Pflugerville to Austin. I mean, how long does that even... Oh, it's just... It's just Austin.

It's just... Sorry. I didn't realize it was that close. It's a 24-minute drive. It's one of these places that carves itself out because they don't want to be a part of the broader community and give their taxes in that direction. It's just Austin. And the way that Round Rock is Austin. Wow, that would probably mean that's to be a part of the broader community and give their taxes in that direction. It's just Austin, and the way that Round Rock is Austin.

Wow, that would probably mean that's happening for a lot of these, if I'm just looking it up for that one. So maybe our numbers are even better than I possibly could have imagined. Maybe the boat is incrementally closer. San Leandro, Spokane, Syracuse, Tulsa, Albuquerque, Bloomington. I don't know any songs about Bloomington. Boulder, Cambridge, Chattanooga. Oh, Chattanooga?

Have you heard of Chattanooga, Sam? Where's Chattanooga, do you reckon? Tennessee. Chattanooga. Wow, I may have driven through Chattanooga. Anyway, the point is, there's all these places, and I'd like to come there. And I'll be back in America.

I'm going to throw... I mean, we tried a little bit with San Antonio to get a little enthusiasm going. You know, we struggled to get Dublin listeners for a time, and then I wrote a song about Dublin. And now we're up to... I mean, it went up, it came down again. But it's still higher than it was, we're at nine, nine Irish listeners, New Zealand springing into action, 25 listeners, the UK,

72 listeners, which hurts my heart that we have more listeners in the United Kingdom than Dublin, I know they've got like 10 times the population, but can anything be done? Oh, it'd be nice to go and see the island nation of Japan where we have eight listeners. Oh, let's go to the very, very small countries, make people feel good. Tanzania, one. Vietnam, one.

Barbados, one. Brazil, one. Slovenia, one. This sounds like the scores these countries are getting in the gymnastics in the Olympics. Boy, I'm enjoying watching the Olympics. Boy, I'm enjoying it. I don't know how much I spoke about the Olympics on the last podcast, even though it was just a couple of days ago. And I'm so very tired, but it was a real, oh, it's been a real treat after a long day of organizing things and seeing people and seeing people that you haven't seen in so long,

it's very beautiful, but it's very painful and you miss them and we're a pilgrim church and all these good things. But then to settle down in the evening with a bottle of Riesling and the missus and watch a little bit of slalome kayaking. They should never stop.. They should never stop. The Olympics should never stop. It should be all Olympics all the time. But then it wouldn't be as special, James.

Maybe it would. Have we ever tried? Have we ever tried having the Olympics just two years afterwards? What do you mean, those winter Olympics? Shut up! I think I'm going to wake up in a better mood after this nap. I really truly do.

I've got all these poems ready to go for this show. I was writing them out by hand. I have succumbed to the smartphone again. I went out. I was using my smartphone in Australia because it was too hard to get around and communicate with everybody on the dumb phone. So hopefully when I'm back in America, back to the dumb phone. But at the moment, I've got a smartphone, which is taking a long time to load the information from the previous smartphone.

I got the cheapest smartphone possible. I was happy not to change the smartphone, but I was chasing a baby. Not even my baby. I was chasing a baby who had run into a... Run seems hard if it's a baby. Under two years old, had moved into a car park hard if it's a baby under two years old had moved into a car park and needed to be lifted up and in doing so the screen it's got that the lcds have broken and they spread now like a plague and they spread slowly now but at some point during this tour

they'll start spreading swiftly with There'll be a swift spread. And something must be done to stop that before it takes over the screen. Boy, I hope these shows go well. I want to thank everybody who's been coming out to seeing the shows. I want to thank everybody spreading the word about the catamaran plan. I would love to have the energy to have a swim tonight pre-show. Do I have it in me to go and take a swim? What was the poem you were saying before, Sam? It was, I knew Ian Thorpe was gay. It's one about the Olympics. Yeah, lots of little ideas for poems jumping out new book of poems will be coming out

eventually it's mostly done uh we're just waiting on a couple of graphic design and an introduction to be written by somebody and and then it's done and we'll have a beautiful book of poems then i'll have a boat and then i I can be all Japanese businessman about it and stumble into the forest. Never to be seen again. Nah, it's not true. I think the boat... Oh, you can hear the bells chime. Can you hear the bells chime, Sam?

The beautiful bells of Brisbane. The beautiful Brisbane bells. We ate some paella today. That was very nice. Can you tell we're padding now? Well, I love you, I miss you, I want you, I need you. Canamaran ho. Ask not for whom the bell tolls.

It tolls for 4 p.m. That's why it rung four times. It's a... Anyway, that was an idea. That was an idea for a poem. A little John Donne-style poem. What else am I... I brought so many books.

I bring too many books with me everywhere I go. That's how I did my back. I was going to the storage container and looking at the books. But I did bring... Yes, I brought Chaucer. Hey! Hey! Hey! I brought one of the drugs I'm allowed to have on the boat with me in the Chulsa.

Paracetamol. I definitely consider that less severe than ibuprofen. What else? What else did we bring? Oh, I brought my Civil War book. I brought a Bible. I left at home the documents of Vatican II I felt like since we're only on tour for four days

it might be a bit much to also take the documents of Vatican II but I've been enjoying them and then I think I'm going to read a novel I think I'm going to enjoy a novel I love you I miss you I want you I miss you I want you I need you

Catamaran ho Goodbye Looking forward to this nap How long did that go for? 28 minutes The people deserve the full half hour Oh the people are getting some Chaucer Here's the weird thing some Chaucer.

Here's a weird thing about Chaucer. So it was written 700 years ago. I think Middle English is the term. And it's... You start reading it and it doesn't make a lick of sense, you know? Juan that April with his sure suit. Sounds like someone talking backwards. It sounds like someone talking backwards.

You sort of have to read it like that. Probably there's a better way to read it. But if you try and read it in your normal non-old british accent juan zephyrus eek with his sweetie breathe inspired hath in every halt and heath the tendre croppies and youngie sunny hath in the ram yeah his half a course your own and small fowls making melody that that sleep in all the night with open ye. So pricketh him nature in her courages, than a longing folk to goon on pilgrimages. It rhymes really beautiful. The rhymes are super funny. Oh, it's funny. Here's the other thing. British sense of humor has not changed. You read Shakespeare.

What's that? 1500s? Early 1600s? I think it's late 1500s. And you go, oh, we've been the same since then. We've been the same since 1300 and something. Oh, it's funny. There's a bit where he's describing a nun.

See if I can find the bit where he's describing this nun. And he's trying to say, I think he's trying to say, here's the other thing about this version that I like. It's got like all the words and then it's got what all the words mean over here. And then sometimes you look it up and you go, well, there's no explanation of that word here or here.

And then it's just a word you don't know because 700 years ago, people knew more words than you. And it's still a word that people are hanging out with. Falsimely her wimple pinched was her nose treats here green eyes glass her here here it's hir right that's difficult hir mouth full smile f-u-l-s-m-a-l and i'm guessing full smile like i read that and i guess that would be like wog speak for like her mouth was full small. She got a full small mouth, bro. But then I look at it and do they give us any explanation of her mouth full smell?

No, they don't. So it's like, all right, I guess that's what he was saying. Her mouth was full small. Like if there's no... Yeah, you just go with it if you don't know. But there's this bit about like, ah, can I even find it? It's about how she's like, she's dignity and then she's eating. And it's like, while she was eating, you could tell she was rich because when she was dipping stuff in sauce,

she never got any sauce on her fingers. And then when she was eating it, no crumbs fell on her breasts. It's like, what a fun observation. No sauce on the fingers, no crumbs on the tits. Chaucer, we love him. And I'll finish reading Chaucer at some point I think that's just fragments I think the full version will be today

hey well that was a nice little addition to push the podcast up into a the podcast should go for an hour it won't today but I'm aware that it should and we had hoped to get an interview going in here today but it hasn't happened yet.

Probably won't happen now, but we'll go off to the show. Nap time. Sam, do you think you could crush a nap? You better go for a walk. The twin room situation, you know? Hey, I love you, I miss you, I want you, I need you. Is there anything i'm forgetting in

the podcast that i would use affirmations affirmation i'm gonna have a nap affirmation we're gonna make all this work affirmation how can we fail with sam at our side making the visual look so complete here's a man whose fingers were unsourced. Here's a man whose wimple was unruffled. This hotel room, it's got it all, man. It's got everything you expect from a fancy modern hotel room. Grey carpet. Sort of like Aboriginal-ish art. Can you see any of the Aboriginal-ish art, Sam?

Notice how Aboriginal-ish it is, because that's definitely not Aboriginal, but it does have lots of dots on it and lots of circles. So even though that is... Also, I can see it's printed. It must be like that in every room. That's how you know you're in a fancy place in Australia

not too Aboriginal but not not Aboriginal that's fancy we've got a big screen television which we won't get very much time

to watch things on because we'll go off to the show and then we'll be absolutely knackered and we'll come back might be a little time to pop on something

could watch a little time to pop on something. Could watch a little university challenge, Sam. Have you ever seen university challenge? You've heard me talk about it? Oh, you'll hate it. People hate it. It's very smug. The smuggest show there is.

Why isn't my phone done yet? How long does that take to do? Well, we'll just charge the old phone. We'll charge the old phone and we'll have a go at doing that overnight. Excuse me. The flight over gave me an idea. I've had a few ideas about how to fix. All right.

I know this is the James Donnell Forbes McCain-Katamaran plan. We're trying to get a boat. And also, things are going very well towards getting a movie off the ground. I won't talk too much about it, but good things seem to be happening. But, so say we have all this money and I buy a boat. And it's like, well, what do we do

with the pod after that? We fix aviation. After we fixed me not being on the sea, we fix everybody else being in the sky. Here's my idea for a new airline. You know, they got first class, you know, they got economy class. This plane is for the middle class. What you do is you take business class style seating and you just have no economy and it's just business all the way to the back of the plane and then the price point will be somewhere between business and

economy but everybody's enjoying the business life you know so maybe like our flight this morning might have been 200 the business flight i think it was like $600. But what if for $350? Now, I would still go on the economy at that point. I'm not so, but I know people who for not that much more money, but for a much more beautiful experience would cough up the extra dough. And then there'd be fewer people on the plane. There'd be less of a rush to get on and off the plane. You could take more stuff with you. You could be fatter.

There'd be more room for the meals because there wouldn't be so many meals. Middle class air. Has anybody done this? Is this a new idea? Obviously, there are some speed bumps towards uh we might hit some turbulence on the way to this idea number one starting up your own airline don't imagine that's cheap i imagine there's a lot of regulatory hurdles that the

big boys in the industry put down to try and frighten you off i also assume that those regulatory hurdles are bigger in aust than they are in America. Because in America, when there's not a dire financial economic collapse type situation, they'll have things like Hooters Air, where Hooters, it's a flight, but with women from Hooters. Did you know about that one, Sam? There was also, you know, that movie, what's that movie about black people soul plane soul plane that wasn't a real one but i assume that's speaking to a real thing mostly what i'm thinking of here is hooters air if hooters can have its own airline maybe we could too and finally we bust up the you know maybe you just do

wealthier flights melbourne sydney sydney melbourne imagine that imagine how many well-to-do childless business people who are not at business class flights ICs, team leaders, heads of department in private schools. All these people who would feel bad about going on the one, but impossible to go on the other. We open up a market for the emerging middle class, middle class air. I'm thinking leather seats. Yes, I am. I'm thinking many other things as well probably

a complimentary cheap glass of wine because there's no liquor licensing laws in the sky i shouldn't well yeah i take that back that would only be maybe in the sky once you pass into international waters. Even then, if people found out some weird stuff had been going on on a flight as it went over international waters, I think they'd revoke,

they'd revoke your flying permissions. We've got a, man, how much is cough? It's a little bit. Three coughs? Four coughs? A couple little coughs to keep

an eye on for the show tonight and for the health of the tour i think i'll be healthy i think i'll be well we've got to deregulate air travel so many people die on the roads we've got people will die in the sky deregulate it let everybody who wants an airline have one in their home in their suburban street open it it up. Let some competition take place. There's nothing wrong with flying. Obviously, there's an environmental impact, but I'm not one of these traditionalist people who go, we must not have buildings made of steel. Why, if man was intended to fly, God would have given him wings. I think flight is done in a really unpleasant way, but there's no reason that it shouldn't be okay.

So maybe that's something that we can do once we're in the industry, is fix the industry and we'll have to jump through the hurdles to get in there. Like when you're a woman and you have to denigrate other women to get ahead of the workplace and you're ultimately building feminism. But you just get your foot in your door. Foot in the door wrote a poem about kamala harris might end up being a rap song i found that harris rhymed with a lot of exciting things but get embarrassed. Toyota Yaris. In Paris. Drinking from a chalice. Tip of my phallus. So much to do with Harris. I'm sure there are more. I'm not thinking of them right now. There's a lot to go there. What am I saying? My airline. And you know what I'm doing before

the airline? Affirm affirmation the sandwich shop i think that might be a better money making one for with a lower barrier to entry but it when i was back in adelaide and i saw the you know the downtown the cbd we call it and all the people you know getting their lunch and getting their sandwiches and all the empty shops. I think that market is ripe for my totalitarian-themed sandwich shop, No Choices, where we sell one sandwich and one sandwich alone. No choices. But the only choice is that you can become a member, and when you become a member, you get a special extra sandwich thing.

No matter what the sandwich. Maybe that's like you get the special extra sandwich thing. No matter what, you know, the sandwich. Maybe that's like you get the good dressing. You get salt and pepper. I don't know what it is. I think you should become a member for life. And maybe it's a little bag of chips. Maybe you're allowed to have a cup of black coffee with your sandwich if you're a member.

We'll figure it out, but I feel like I know enough people to make that work, I feel I understand the Adelaide lunchtime office worker media space, no choices, and then we make enough money on no choices to branch that out across the nation, and then we make enough money on that to get to airfare revolution. But of course, the first thing we're doing, I haven't lost sight of the comedy career and the boat. Don't you worry about that. We'll be doing that as well.

I have to take a nap now. I've tried to... I didn't know we'd get into such a full flight there. Can you believe we almost didn't do the end of that part? Unbelievable. I must now take a nap. I'm overexerting myself in my delicate voice. I love you.

I miss you. I want you. I need you. Catamaran Ho. Why hasn't my phone finished yet? Thank you and good night. Catamaran Ho. Goodbye. Thank you.