The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Gastro Boy (ft. Daniel Muggleton)

Episode Date: November 6, 2022

Go and see Daniel Muggleton perform if you can: danielmuggleton.com.au - Boy it's nice to be back in Australia. Boy flying back to Australia was nasty.Partake of my #1 bestselling book of poems, Marlon Brando 9/11: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B0B92NWWDCGet the audiobook and join the Patreon, and more: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines and i get schooled by a tween facebook is like a no that's what my grandma's on thank god phone a friend with jesse crookshank is not available on facebook it's out

now wherever you get your podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Hey, just as a heads up, James is a bit grouchy this week. How grouchy? On a scale from Oscar the Grouch to Pol Pot. Is there a single good airport? I've never been in an international airport that I like.

Sometimes, you know what? To be fair, you'll go to a small town and you'll go to their little airport and it's cozy and it's welcoming and people seem to know the barista by name. Wagga Wagga Airport. Don't have enough nice things to say about it. Do they need an airport? Do they even check to see if you've got a knife? But I've seen some airports recently. They are all alienating and fucking weird, man. Every airport. What is this addiction in airports to having weird angles? Inhuman architecture,

oblique steel, neon lights, glass, shards of glass everywhere, and not even nice shards of glass making up a stained glass window of a wide-eyed saint who loves you. But just to the sky. As though you haven't had enough time in the sky already. This is one of the things I really look forward to about having a boat. You know? A boat! When I'm in my boat sailing around the world, I won't be at airports.

I'll be in... Ports. River ports. in my boat sailing around the world, I won't be at airports. I'll be in ports, river ports, sea ports, probably not that many lake ports because I don't know how you'd get in there. And actually, I don't know if that's a thing, but the fucking airports are disgraceful. I've seen, I mean, Adelaide Airport is the nicest of all of them, and it's a good one to come home to, and I've come home now. Sydney Airport, boring. It's boring.

LAX seems designed to be opposed to you. LaGuardia didn't mind it. I tell you what I actually really did made me very upset was the Hong Kong airport this is maybe where this is all coming I had a very bad experience in the Hong Kong airport on the way back home but to be fair other things were going wrong at the time and it wasn't just the

inhuman dimensions of the Hong Kong airport and it wasn't even just the airport if I'm being honest it's the fact that the Chinese persist in taking COVID seriously. Move on, China! Ultimately, we should stop moving on and be very afraid of the COVID thing. If they made it in a lab over there and they're still afraid of it, makes me think, what do they know about it that I don't know? What is the long COVID? Why are people dying in their 30s? Who can say?

I won't say. I won't say. I'm not going to say. I don't know. I'm not a doctor. Maybe they're not dying in their 30s. Who knows? Anyway, listen, the important thing.

I had a really nice time in LA on my way back. I was in New York squatting with Shane Gillis for days. Thank you to Shane and all those Philly boys for having me to stay, for looking after me, for getting me invested in the World Series. I'm sorry that the Phillies didn't get up. The Astros are cheats and I hope they take the championship away from them. If you call it a championship, maybe you call it a premiership, maybe you call it top baseball. Guys, I had a really nice time in New York. Went back to LA. Was dreading LA after my previous LA experience.

Got to stay with my friend Amos Gill. Had a really nice time. Got to do a gig at the Dynasty Typewriter. Opening for Simon Taylor for some industry people. Hello industry people if you're listening. It was a lovely gig. It's a wonderful venue. After the show, I just got on stage and played the piano

and sang songs with the people who worked there. Little Bob Dylan, little, how does it feel? You know what I'm saying? How does it feel? Well, it felt great. We went out to a diner with a man that I was told was the top sword swallower in the world. I don't know how many sword swallows there are at this point, but it's still deeply impressive. And I saw a man with a lovely cardigan and I took a photo with him.

And I saw a young couple sharing a milkshake at a diner and I took a photo with them. Turns out she's a model, he's a painter. They're both on my Instagram now and I theirs. and I think I agreed to buy one of his paintings. It was of the Twin Towers. It was really lovely. Naive style. I think it's the first painting he's ever sold. Imagine selling it to an insane Australian in a diner. Well, he'll be happy to have it. Although I've run out of space in my house to put paintings up and I'm getting rid of paintings. Big. Anyway, I don't have to go into detail about my painting situation. But what I will go into detail about are the circumstances that then led to a distinctly unpleasant Hong Kong airport experience. Went home from the gig. Didn't

really get on the beers so much. Sorry, there's a mosquito in the bloody car Where are you? You bastard, come out Gotcha Excuse me I always feel regret after killing a mosquito It was me or you, mosquito Maybe I could have opened a window

Alright Yes, I'm back in Adelaide by the way Back in the Volvo Recording this podcast Great to be home Love Adelaide, by the way. Back in the Volvo, recording this podcast. Great to be home. Love Adelaide. Love my family. It's great to be here.

Here's what happened. After the gig, went back. I was staying with Amos Gill and his wonderful girlfriend, Annika, who has a very, very, very slight German accent because her family's German. So whenever I do an impression of Annika, I've taken to doing it like this. Oh, hello, my name is Annika. She doesn't speak like that at all. She was super funny, Annika. I hadn't met her before. It's always, you know, a bit weird to meet a mate's girlfriend because maybe you won't like them. And then you have to not have any commentary on that

until they break up. Then you say, actually, I didn't like them. But then you can't really say that because they might get back together. And then they tell them that you didn't like the partner, and then the partner says, well, you can't hang out with them anymore, and that's hard. But luckily, I didn't have to worry about any of that shit because Annika was great. Super funny.

She works on the Jimmy Kimmel show. And the first night I was there, I said, well, can I come on the Jimmy Kimmel show, please, Annika? And of course yeah but you can't do stand-up we don't do that and I said I can do panel and she said well why not okay book you in tomorrow we'll tell when it's Paltrow she's not wanted it was all a bit of a laugh and then next morning you know I got up and she'd gone she'd gone off to work because she's an early riser. And even though it's a late show, they start shooting it pretty early in the day. And I saw Annika that evening.

I said, Annika, you didn't have me on the show today. And she said, where were you? Everything was prepared. We had to end up having Gwenathon in the end. We would have loved to have you. Jimmy was distraught. I thought, Annika, you're very funny. Funny lady. Never broke character, Annika. I tried a couple times. It was impossible. Anyway, so my last night there at the house, and I'm sleeping on a blow-up air mattress in the living room and I say

living room it's their bedroom it's a unit it's like quite lovely but no place for three people to be living I'm so grateful that you put me up on this air mattress sadly I woke up in the middle of the night on this air mattress the morning that I was meant to fly out woke up at 2am with either food poisoning or is there another mosquito in this car? There is. There is. I can hear him. Man, I'm not happy being back in a country with mosquitoes. I don't know if they have mosquitoes in America.

Or if they just shot them all. Where are ya? He's gone quiet. Yeah, food poisoning or gastro. The second time this year. Second time on the podcast. Will I be sharing every time that I have a gastrointestinal crisis with the audience? Yes. Yes, I will.

I said, Annika, I'm sorry. I'm going to vomit. She said, you can do it in the toilet. You know, in a nice way. She was like, do it here. Here is the place where you do the vomiting. And I said, Annika, I can't do that. I can't have you hear me vomit. It's too embarrassing. I have to go outside. And so she gave me a Target bag and my friend Amos came and walked with me.

It was raining. They say it never rains in Southern California, but it was raining that night. It rains in Southern California, but it was raining that night. And then I just, in an attempt at discretion and privacy, walked around the corridors of this dormitory compound, vomiting extremely loudly every meal that I'd had. The waffles from a diner, a breakfast burrito, an orange juice, two black coffees. Four beers, maybe. Yeah, more than, not heaps of beers but like four beers maybe five beers oh and one little margarita thing that wasn't very nice anyway it was in a can

margarita in a can and i'm vomiting really loudly into this you know it's raining and and i can as i walk around and i'm vomiting i can can look up and I see people's lights coming on. All these other buildings, all these other rooms where people are living. I haven't been discreet at all. I've merely woken up a whole neighborhood. And I went back to bed. I just felt awful. I had to get up in the morning and go to the airport.

And as hinted at by the fact that I was in the Hong Kong airport I tried to save money on my way back to Australia I used my virgin points to fly to America and then on the way back yeah to save like 150 dollars instead of booking a normal 15 hour flight I booked something like a 35 hour flight and I had to fly to Hong Kong now the flight from LA to Hong Kong is I'm pretty sure longer than the flight from LA to Sydney. But I flew LA, Hong Kong, Sydney, Adelaide in a sort of perverse Z shape. I'm sort of backwards Z.

Hold on, I think I've got the mosquito. Hold on, if I can get this mosquito. Come on, where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? that. Come on. Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Where are you? Are you on me? Where are you?

Where are you? This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessie Cruikshank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me

achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com. For you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News. I think there's more than one in the car. Yeah, there you are. Fuck you.

Fuck you. yeah yeah oh i'm just gonna get bitten in my car with these effing mosquitoes gotcha didn't get you ah it was in my hand and then it came out it was fine oh go away that's it i'm gonna can't all right now i'm inside where the mosquitoes can't get me and i would just say uh yes if you ever do get the opportunity to fly 35 hours including to be fair some stopovers five hour stopovers the perfect length of time for discomfort because it's a very very long time but it's not quite so long that you can sleep you know comfortably I did attempt to sleep on the floor

next to the Starbucks at the Hong Kong airport most unpleasant and disagreeable but also wonderful to be sleeping horizontally after all that time trying to sleep half sitting up I think next time we do travel we'll be doing it in a boat where you can

nap in a hammock, is my understanding. Oh, look, and I don't want to seem ungrateful. It's been a wonderful trip. It's wonderful to be home in Adelaide with my family. I got to meet so many wonderful people and do so many great things. There are mosquitoes inside this house now as well. All right, serious, real talk. I'd be lying if I said I hadn't compiled a list of reasons to leave Australia. And number one at the moment is the mosquitoes and this heat.

Number two, having to wear bicycle helmets. New York, riding around with no bicycle helmet. Man, doesn't that sound better? Even if you ended up wearing a bicycle helmet, you would know that you were doing it for you house prices would be another one if we lived in america i mean rent in rent in new york is similar to rent in adelaide and there's really not as much going on in adelaide uh i love adelaide hey it's great great city my favorite city best city in world. The rent is too damn high. head food on the table and money in your pocket this is politics as usual playing a silly game it's not going to happen to rent to them i'm moving the people i'm here to represent can't

afford to pay the rent everybody i met in america was so polite but i love it here we're gonna make it work here i have a beautiful community here oh mercy me and i'll tell you something that nice today is my friend daniel was uh he happened to be in town. I was going to open for him on Friday, but I buggered up the time of my flight. I was still in the air, so I didn't get to do it. But he was still in town today. So I managed to pick him up with my kids, and we hung out, and we walked around the block.

It was beautiful. And then I drove him to the airport. Man, wouldn't it be nice if someone just designed an airport that was sweet and nice and beautiful? That was a nice thing that I saw in New York. I got to see Grand Central Station, which is just a... It's a train station, but what it really is is a testament from people in the past saying that they love you and they love future generations. As you go on, you get on the train, but they want you to have a beautiful life

with a lovely ceiling and great paintings and columns and all that sort of thing. Could we not do that with an airport? Could we not have an airport that we could be proud of rather than an airport that exacerbates our anxieties? Did I say exacerbates? I am too tight. Let's have this wonderful chat with Daniel Muggleton. I love you. Here's the chat.

God bless. Kata Moran, hi. Alright, here you go. Hold the mic. No, you don't need that. Sir Donald Bradman, we're going to get to the airport. Now you've got to thrust that right in my face hello daniel muggleton i'm giving you a lift to the airport this is honestly the stupidest decision i've ever made the podcast or letting me give you a lift to the airport let him give me a fucking lift to the airport like where my flight is so like way too soon and you got lost twice on the way and then you're like is it right here and i'm like it's north you idiot yeah but then you know the fun thing that i realized where

to go is we saw that plane coming in from overhead and now i'm following where that plane went i thought you looked at the sign on the road that had a plane on it you met the actual plane so the actual plane coming i was like it's over there you've never lived anywhere else you should just know where it is at this point. Well, I recently moved house. So I'm coming at it from a different angle this time. You realize the airport stayed in the same place even though you've moved house, right?

It's different for me. The airport doesn't exist relative to your current location. Now, Daniel Muggleton, you've just done a tour and I almost got to open for you. But I was at the time, I was on a flight with food poisoning. I was on a 35-hour flight with food food poisoning how did your Adelaide gigs go the Adelaide gigs went very well I would like to point out this is what's giving me so much anxiety about letting you drive me to the airport because I was like can you open for me and you're like absolutely I get home on Wednesday

morning and I get a message from you Thursday night being like, oh, actually, I got the times wrong. It's Friday night that I get in and I'm like, the date doesn't change. But I got mixed up if the if the dates if the time was going forward or backwards. Do you know what? I thought I was gaining a day coming back to Australia, but I was losing a day. It says plus one on the ticket next to the time i'm not a good uh my reading comprehension is poor i i think you might legitimately be a person whose earth is flat can i say this you see these ads for white claw that was just up there all these men drinking white claw now i've heard yes how are they getting these heterosexual men to drink alcoholic seltzer

by advertising it some sort of shirts-off discotheque nightclub. You know what I'm saying? It's ridiculous. Have a beer, you sissy. Are we seriously pushing the argument you're a soft cock if you don't drink beer in 2022? Oh, we've got a big soft cock over here don't drinking beer because you're trying to get your

testes to pump out hot seed. Is that correct? Trying to have a child? I'm trying to have a child that i'm currently off the beers trying to get my sperm uh sober i can't do anything to make my sperm maybe i'm having different plastics to everybody else but now we are look we're here we're at the airport while i i'm probably going to come around once, right? Because we've got extra time. We've got time. We have literally 30 minutes until the bag drop closes. All right, so I'm going to do a loop

and we're going to talk about your stand-ups, where people can buy tickets. So you've got shows coming up in Melbourne, Sydney. Any other shows? Gosford? Ah, known for their dogs and their beautiful boating culture. Sure, like that's what we're known for. Not for people who couldn't afford Sydney and gave up.

No, no, I'm a big Gosford fan. I've never been to Gosford, but I once caught the train from Brisbane to Sydney. And it went past Gosford during the dawn. And it was a very beautiful, almost pagan nature worship experience. Wait, there's a train from Brisbane to Sydney? Well, I had to get the bus to Casino first. It's a long, you know, it's a story's a train from brisbane to sydney well i had to get the bus to casino first it's a long you know it's a story that's already been on the podcast but my important thing are you doing an instagram post while we talk yeah what's your instagram post

i'm putting a little clip up is it of me fucking up in the drive no it's a little clip from my tour i just forgot because the time zone's weird so i'm just like i don't schedule i post everything like at the time you know what i mean can you schedule on instagram you can schedule all the time i didn't know that um so where can people where are these shows and where can people get tickets um so the shows uh there's one in melbourne at the comics lounge there's room big room big room uh there's one there's one in there's two in tasmania that are not selling well. Who knew Tasmania did not have a large population? The north and the south? I'm doing the Hobart and the Launceston.

I don't know where they are relatively. Are you going to go to Mona? I'm not going to go to Mona. I don't believe in modern art. I love that from you. I was lying. I accept that position on this podcast. No, I went to Mona.

Look, it's very impressive, but I wish it was less satanic. And it is satanic. Now, we had you on the podcast before to talk about... And that's the episode called Keep It Professional about professionalism. Now, how many of the professional tips do you think I've put into practice? Well, I mean, this is a start. This is you, like, using your time wisely. It's using my time poorly, but your time wisely.

It's very important to big dog people and to have your way with them. No, look, you came, you hung out with my family, you've had a wonderful day. One thing I did take away from that is consistency. And that's a big thing that you emphasize and you live out. And I have managed to have the podcast come out. I mean, we're recording this podcast Sunday. Like, the podcast comes out in four hours, right? And we are recording it now, but I took that to heart, the consistency thing. And I want you to know that that's really helped me and that's

helped me grow this podcast. It's 10 times bigger than when you were on it. We're growing all the time. We're almost big enough to make money off the ads. Daniel Muggleton, I want to say thank you for helping the personal growth. That's really good. look i'm i'm glad i'm glad you have some success the federal australian federal police just drove past us what and really eyeballed i think i was speeding i don't think he was speeding and you're you've got a microphone and now i'm going way too slow i i think it's fine like i don't think there's anything against the law. Yeah, he's turned left. We're okay. I just hate when I'm driving near the police.

Now, the shows. Where can people buy tickets? At Mosh Tix or at my website danielmuggleton.com.au Daniel Muggleton, much respect. Go buy tickets. Good to have you on the catamaran plan. I just want to say to other listeners of the podcast james mccann's family is far more beautiful than he has any

right for it to be yeah yeah you were there for a good moment you were there for a good bit it's it's a beautiful time we walked around the thing we did the did a little lap your daughter's on the bike with the no pedals because the kids don't have training wheels no more because they nailed it first time. No training anymore, these kids. Oh, yeah. It took a lot of training to get her on the bike without the training wheels. No, it's a happy time. It's a happy time for these beautiful people in my family. The light has been very nice. It's good to be back in Australia. If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations.

What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture.

But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jessie Cruokshank is not available on Facebook.

It's out now wherever you get your podcasts.