The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - gathering place

Episode Date: September 18, 2024

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ACAST.com You know, there are rumors. There are rumors circulating that I, James Donald Forbes McCann, have become hideously maimed, disfigured in some way. For once again, we have an audio only episode of the podcast. Now James, why do you hide your light behind a bushel? Why can't we gaze upon your beautiful visage? Why do you only tickle the ear and not lick the eye? Ladies and gentlemen, this again is an audio episode

of the James Donald Fools McCann Academy. I'm playing the show while I, James Donald Fools McCann, am trying to buy a boat. The reason this is not a visual episode, man, last week I was like, right, we're going to make some good quality visual visual episodes and then i just started writing a screenplay i'm sorry i've started to write a screenplay i don't want to go into too much detail about what that screenplay is i want to keep it fairly discreet i'm about 70 pages in of the 90 and then the rewrites have to begin i'll give you a hint it starts with what and ends with imble dog it's going to be wow i think a beautiful movie one day and it every day it's taken over i

sit shackled to my desk writing this very mysterious screenplay the name of which no one will be able to guess and i don't mind telling you that it's a very emotional experience i don't want to give too much detail away, but I sit late at night. I wake up late. I go out and I perform comedy shows. I come back home at 11 p.m. And until 3 or 4 in the morning, I write this screenplay and weep. And usually, you'd be right in saying,

well, James, is that just because you've had a couple of drinkies by that point? But I tell you, I'm so focused on writing this screenplay, I've quit the source. I'm not on the drink. It's through pure passion, nothing but passion and love that has me weep. I mean, it's disgusting to weep at your own work, isn't it? It's like laughing at your own jokes. But there we have it.

That's what I'm doing, and that's why there's no visual. It's also why this podcast is coming out on a Wednesday. I mean, the point of the screenplay, as is the point with everything that I do, is to serve God and then be there for my family. But the third thing, and the very important third thing, is to buy a boat, to raise enough money to buy a boat. And that's what this podcast is all about.

And I'm not going to let... I almost didn't do a podcast. I almost said to myself, I can't do the podcast this week. There's no time. I must complete the mysterious screenplay. Possibly about a dog who plays tennis. But I must continue with the podcast. If we don't have the podcast, we're lost.

who plays tennis. But I must continue with the podcast. If we don't have the podcast, we're lost. The podcast is the rock upon which all other ventures for boat ownership is built. So here, a little scrap from the table. Should have been our build. Yet another audio podcast experience. And we have a beautiful visual podcast ready to go. Frankly.

I mean, not ready to go. I have to do the editing. But I got to interview Sam Talent, close personal friend, I mean, not ready to go, I have to do the editing, but it's, I got to interview Sam Talent, close personal friend, great man, one of the first Americans of my acquaintance, Sam Talent, sweet Sam, was in Austin this week, and I got to hang out with him, and I got to watch the American football, I got to experience a great American pastime, a great American tradition, which is going to a sports bar, and watching four games, possibly only three games, and I'm exaggerating, but several, I think it was four games of American football simultaneously. Wow. Simultaneously with that,

someone tried to shoot Donald Trump. That's really American Sundays at this point. I don't think we all knew waking up on Sunday that that wasn't just a one-off, that that would become something that happened on an increasingly frequent basis. I mean, how often is that going to happen? Then, of course, I went off and I did the shows with Sweet Sam,

and then I went home to write Whip Dog and shackle myself to the desk and weep as I write a beautiful story, the name of which I hope I haven't given away. Several things to talk about on today's podcast. We're moving full speed ahead with plans to become an American comedy superstar. That's really financially the most fortuitous prospect I do believe for my chances of boat ownership is to become a great...

I mean, with friends like Sam Talent. It's only a matter of time before I become an incredible comedy superstar and make enough money to buy a boat. And I've started booking in tour dates. I've spent this year doing spots, MC work, featuring. But I hurdle now. I hurdle towards headliner status. Whoa! And as a part of that, I've had to book in shows.

Hurdling. And then I'm going to have to start selling those shows. I'm going to tell you what the most upcoming shows are. In fact, the only shows that are upcoming, which you can see me headline. In Tulsa on October 6, I will be at St. Cecilia's Listening Room doing my stand-up comedy performance. I think that'll be very nice to have my first one in a listening room in Tulsa. Only 24 hours from Tulsa. And as best I can, when it is 24 hours from Tulsa, unlike the song, I will be a Fidelius husband.

That's very important. So it's October 6th. And then October 13th, one of the cities that first got around this podcast, it's Houston. Sweet Houston, where I have never been, on October 13th at the Secret Group. And I don't want to make that a secret. I want the world to know, or at least Houston, that on October 13, I will be performing a headlining comedy set at the Secret Group. We're running in the hour. We're getting the hour right and tight and ready to go, and Phil will be releasing the specials, just like the insane asylums in the 1950s. I think that's when it happened. Boy, I think we've got to reopen these insane asylums. We've got to reopen them. I'm sorry to digress, but it occurred to me this week as I see all the

homeless scattered across America and the inability of any individual to really do something about it. I mean, if you want to be a saint, there's a chance there for you. There's a real opportunity for charity. My goodness gracious me the uh i know that they closed the insane asylums and perhaps we could come up with a nicer name than insane asylum so they seem a bit more friendly insane asylum feels a bit padded cell straight jacket kind of business and we don't want that and then of course there were all those nasty movies and films and books movies and films of course being the and films, of course, being the same thing, about insane.

So I'm thinking one flew over the cuckoo's nest. I'm thinking of other ones too, but nothing comes to mind except one flew over the cuckoo's nest. But this situation currently of just having schizophrenic people set free and sleep on the street, I mean, wouldn't you rather have a padded cell than a street? And we have all the, I mean, wouldn't you rather have a padded cell than a street? And we have all the, I mean, there is a personality type that goes insane. That's something that happens.

All right. And there's another personality type of people who want to help mentally deranged persons. And as far as I can tell, we had a system for many years where you would have a special place to go for the insane and for the people who wanted to help unhinged persons. And they'd all get together and that was a good relationship. And then we said, open up those insane and let them run wild and free. And then we also opened up and set wild and free the persons who wanted to help, you know, the psychotherapist type individuals, the head doctors. And what we have now is all these head doctors and they're not working with the homeless. They're working with young professionals. They're working with people who don't really need, in my opinion, as best I can tell, if you have a therapist and you love them, that's great,

but let's not pretend that you need them more than a street individual, an unhoused person. And so the unhoused persons, they're not getting the help they need. They're out there on the street where the health professionals can't get to them. And uh what we have is you know people ruthlessly climbing the corporate ladder getting five hours of chat a week by a mental professional helping them become more psychopathic in their ability to climb the ladders of corporate you know stuff i think that's a bad system i need i need. I'm having a... I'm driven right to the edge by writing this screenplay. I tell you, excuse me.

Excuse me, I'm having a moment. But that's what great art does to a person. As Eckhart Tolle, who I don't read and hold in sort of broad suspicion, not really interested in finding out, sort of broad suspicion. Not really interested in finding out. But as many, many, many people speak of Eckhart Tolle and going to the depths, and that truly is what's happening with this screenplay.

Anyway, I thought today on the podcast, aside from just letting you know I'll be in Tulsa and Houston, and Houston, Tulsa, Tulsa, Tulsa, Tulsa, Tulsa, Tulsa. Excuse me. Oh, we're just going to answer more questions. I think that's going to be the easiest possible thing for me to do is to answer more. Excuse me. Here are answers to your questions.

Someone wants to know, can you swim? And that's a very good question. That will be very important on the boat. Yes, but not especially well. I received my bronze medallion, but I didn't go any higher up the life-saving swimming chart than that. I got one little medal-type thing. Not the bronze medal.

That's higher up, I think, than the bronze medallion. Thoughts on the fall of Constantinople? Dreadful shame that Australians weren't able to turn that around. I assume that's secretly what the Gallipoli campaign was all about. Next person asks, what if I don't want a catamaran? What if my dream boat is a small speedboat? Well, that's your dream, and I would never get in the way of your dream. Don't you try and get in the way of mine, um, this is another one, who were your openers for

the early show in Brisbane, I answered this one, and I went through the openers, and they were looking for Craig Quartermaine, I answered that one just in a direct message on the Instagram, where these questions were asked, Craig Quartermaine is who that person was looking for, questions or ask craig quartermane is who that person was looking for craig quartermane next question will you come to houston i would like to bring my friends to a show of yours done october 13 houston i'll be there pencil sharpener belly button or ketchup dispenser nose pencil sharpener that's tough that's tough i do i mean does the ketchup dispensary in my nose auto refill do my bodily fluids somehow produce a waste that is exactly the chemical composition of ketchup in that case i should probably do that uh if i can will it you know i don't want to get

punched in the nose and have ketchup come out or just graze my nose and lose every time i blow my nose what ketchup's coming out that sounds dreadful pencil sharpen the belly button i can just leave that alone not use it until it's needed i can hide that away on the tummy unless a pencil gets up in there somehow uh although i mean my Somehow. Although, I mean, my goodness, I am struggling. There is a... I've been to an Australian-themed cafe. And Australians, listen, we love tomato sauce. You call it ketchup, we call it tomato sauce. And we love our tomato sauce.

And they make their own. And I really just want the Heinz one. I just want the one that comes out of the bottle. And I went in there and I was ordering a sausage roll. And I said, do you have just normal tomato ketchup? And the woman there, because sometimes you say tomato sauce is in Australia and they bring you out a pasta sauce. They believe tomato sauce is crazy. Anyway, I was saying, do you just have a normal one? She said, oh, we have better than a normal one. We have our own very special one that we make in-house and i had already had this one and didn't want it that's

why i was asking the question i had to say oh yes very good well i'll order something that doesn't need that i guess and she was hurt this poor woman so proud was she of their special tomato ketchup that i don't want but i gotta tell you tell you, as an Aussie, you've got to keep it real. Will there never be another art auction? If so, how do I enter my art to the cause? I'll put a public call out if we ever get to do it again. I hope we get to do it again. I believe we'll get to do it again. Have you chosen which yacht you plan to buy yet? I'm not buying a yacht. I think a yacht just has a single hull i don't know if a catamaran is a kind of yacht i don't know if i'm being silly there also

i haven't decided which one when are you performing in atlanta again thank you uh that person i i can't wait to perform in atlanta as a headliner i that. Thoughts on fecal play broadly against. So many beautiful questions. Oh, Captain, my Captain, where can I get some merch? Well, I mean, almost everywhere in America you can get merch. But if you want merch from me, I do have to get my bum into gear. Yeah, you can get a pamphlet. There's a pamphlet on the website. If you go to jdfmccann.com, there is a pamphlet there's a pamphlet on the website if you go to jdfmccann.com there is a pamphlet

and someone Zach has designed an even better pamphlet with all the same information and you better believe I will be updating his pamphlet

and doing an episode about his new beautiful pamphlet which has glorious design should get him to do a shirt anyway I'll be updating that as soon as I struggle on through this damn screenplay. We just need to finish it.

We just need to finish it. We just need to finish it. We just need to finish it. What got you into comedy? Being sad. Made me feel happier when I was 17 and beforehand. I knew that I wanted to be a comedian from a very young age. And in hindsight, maybe I don't have the temperament.

And if I'd stumbled into it as a different kind of person, that would be one thing. But I was extremely depressed at age, I don't know, four. And then sometime shortly after that, a couple of years later, I remember my mum, she got me a book about The Simpsons. And it was every episode of The Simpsons up to that point, perhaps a season earlier, maybe they took a little time to make the book, and it had quotes from it and pictures from it

and characters from it, and I thought, this has made me feel so much better. I'm going to give my life's work to comedy. What is something you have noticed about being a father that you did not expect? Genuinely, the ways that it would change me as a person. I'm a different man now, and I was quite attached to the person I was before, and sometimes you can get too attached

to that, and that can cause pain, but you really just have to surrender that and have it chip away at the non-integral parts of who you are. Who's your footy team? Ask someone on the Instagram who hasn't heard me ramble and ramble and ramble about the Crowboys. They also say, don't say the Demons. Don't worry about that. It's not the Demons. Although, boy, I'd love Christian Petrarca to come to Adelaide. He won't.

He's looking for a big Melbourne club. But gee, that'd be nice. Favourite American snack, I'm fond of the voodoo chips from the, whatever that New Orleans chip company is, imagine that, why is the Adelaide hospital, ah, finally a question I can really answer, why is the Adelaide hospital overlooked by the shaman and big great grub? I think that's a reference to me talking about how beautiful and expensive the Adelaide Hospital was, and I claimed it was the third most expensive building in the world,

and I think at the time of construction it was. It went Burj Khalifa, something else, Royal Adelaide Hospital, and I was roundly mocked, but I've never felt truly disproven about that. It went Burj Khalifa, something else, Royal Adelaide Hospital. And I was roundly mocked, but I've never felt truly disproven about that. Next question is King Gizzy and the Lizzy Whizzy? Question mark? Yes. I'm trying to listen to their new stuff. I like Nonagon Infinity a lot by King Gizzard and the Lizard Wizard.

And they've had about 67 other albums now. And I've got to say, I just keep returning to Nonagon Infinity, open the door. Nonagon Infinity, open the door. Something about having that fantasy-themed high concept, self-reverential. It's a great album. It was a great album. It was a great album.

Who's got the biggest meat in the Australian political parties? If that's not Bob Catter, I'll eat his hat. Why are things like what they are? I don't know, man. That's a difficult question. How many times can someone be fooled? A lot, apparently. When was the last time

you watched Edward Penis Hands, I've never seen Edward Scissorhands or its erotic sequel, how do you feel about Chris Lilley, big fan, love him, people turned on Chris Lilley in the Australian comedy scene, I didn't, although I did once see him across the room at a Melbourne Comedy Festival event, and I thought about going and saying hello, and I didn't. And I felt bad about that. I mean, he looked like he was involved in a conversation with somebody, but it would have been nice to go over and say hello.

Look, thank you. When are you coming to Sidesplitters, Tampa, Florida? Well, you just call that club and repeatedly demand that they book me, and I'll come. Are you going to Skankfest? Not this year. I'm sorry. Love, Lewis.

I got to meet Lewis and do a gig with him. And I hope to come to Skankfest next year. That's my serious plan. Here we go. Was Harry Morant guilty? I don't know. I should look that up. Guess who likes you?

A lot of people, I hope. Just followed you because of your poems. Have you ever been to Portugal? Thank you for enjoying the poems. New Book of Poems is basically done. Sweet Margot is working on the cover. I'm working on the increasingly long acknowledgements section. And I would love to come to Portugal specifically to read my poetry.

Perhaps I could have them translated into Portuguese. Acknowledgements section. And I would love to come to Portugal specifically to read my poetry. Perhaps I could have them translated into Portuguese. My friend Aphrodite did translate some of them into Spanish. Post more poems, please. When I write one, I'll let you know. But all creative energies are moving into this mysterious movie. When will man finally return to the sea? He's out there. This person person asked why didn't you answer my

questions i probably didn't get time but i'm doing it now favorite thing about brisbane australia the sweet sweet people can you write a political manifesto as a collection of poems and talk about it on new polity don't think i don't think about that every day. Don't you think about that? I'll be thinking about that. I think about that all the time. Go Port, writes Nick. Well, Nick, you know what? This is difficult for me because Port Adelaide,

I'll have everyone know, they're the Crowboys. Mortal enemies. And Port has made the finals this year and Ken's under a lot of heat. But as a South Australian, to see the Victorians go down would be something. So I do hope they get up over South Melbourne. This next person asks, please keep the Spanian impressions up. When I heard you bring it up on War Mode, I lost it.

Oy! Oos! I'll never stop doing a Spanian impression. Bro, look at that, that's crazy, hey, big Spanian fan, go check him out, Spanian, thoughts on CFME, and the next question is, thoughts on CFMEU, I assume, and the first one was them trying to write that down and not getting that right CFMEU, I mean people have a right to unionise don't they CFMEU is a big labour union in Australia

that's being accused of some dreadful things and labour unions have a right to do dreadful things don't they, if labour unions want to kill people and hide money I look at On The Waterfront as a tragedy next one why not a trimaran too confusing three mysterious too navigable did you get a boat yet this person asks I started out on the podcast but I'm ages behind and can't and CBF to abbreviate

that for this swearing-free podcast. I don't know if not having swearing is actually helping our numbers. I don't know how many young children are listening to the podcast. You know, we wanted to grow the market to as many people as possible. And that's why I don't have the F. That's why you can't CBF catching up. No! I don't have a boat yet.

I'm sorry. 9-11? It's a great car. I can only guess what you're referring to. Did you touch the Statue of Liberty? Since you were so keen on the Liberty Bell. I did not. I would love to touch the Statue of Liberty.

Grab the hem of her flowing gown. But we just went past it on a ferry. Come to Canberra. All right. Well, get me more Canberra fans. It's my weakest Australian city. Shame on you. Hand out the pamphlet.

How does it feel being on the road? The road to greatness. I'm so tired. I'm so tired and sad writing this screenplay. I need to rip this screenplay off like a bandage once this is done. I'll go for a little walk, try and get the steps up, buy myself a coffee, and return to the laptop that I might just pound it out on the road to greatness. Pounding it out on the road to greatness.

Not a great name for a comedy special. A CBS sitcom about your life. What is your TV name and what do you do for a living? TV name is James, but I changed the last name. And I am a postman in Queens. What is the formula to calculate the area of a circle? I don't know, but I'm glad someone out there in society does. Well, Walter, I'm happy to have some young listeners.

Happy two-month-old birthday, Walter. I matched, here's the next question. I matched an Aussie girl visiting my town, Northern California. How do I get her to like me? Ah, the Australian women are mysterious. I have no tips for courting an Australian woman. That's why I've gone to Kiwi. I found them to be like a trimarine.

So too the Australian woman cannot be tamed not that i have my wife tamed that's not what i was trying to say anytime in history what civilization or empire would you be in charge of roman republic as caesar is coming to rome i'd like to set myself to hard mode and see what I could do. How did the ATL booty treat you? That's the Atlanta booty. Too big. Too big, too strange, too beautiful.

Why are you gay? Born that way. Thanks, Jack Blanche from the Catercast. The Catercast. It's out now. The other podcast. I don't know why I'm gay. How to get involved

in my local Latin mass church as a Christa Catholic. I don't know what a Christa Catholic is. I'm sorry I'm not that well versed in the law. It's more of a question that Jack, why are you gay Blanche, would be able to answer. But you just go and then you talk to people afterwards. Check out the gathering place while you're in Tulsa. Well, I haven't looked that up up but I will look that up now gathering place brackets Tulsa Park gathering place not a gathering place or the gathering place is a 66.5 acres brackets 26.9 hectare park along the Arkansas River in Tulsa

Oklahoma created by the George Kaiser Family Foundation and designed by landscape architect Michael Van Valkenburg, the park was established September 8, 2018. It is open to the public free of charge at $465 million, the value of one-tenth of a beautiful hospital in Adelaide.

I'm just randomly guessing. Gathering Place is the largest private gift to a community park in US history. Wow! That's what I want rich people doing, is donating $465 million to a park. Gathering Place, that's beautiful. It had a grand opening, September 8, 2018. 55,000 visitors over a two-day grand opening. Wow!

First year, over 3 million people. Tulsa, yes! It's won awards. Best New Attraction 2019 in the US Saturday Readers' Choice Awards. And Time Magazine, listed in the world's 100 greatest places of 2019. It was even in National Geographic and several other awards. Attractions.

Here we go. Gathering Place offers a wide variety of attractions for guests to explore free of charge, including five acres Chapman Adventure Playground. A five acre adventure playground? Excuse me? Whoa. There's a BMX track, a skate park, numerous gardens, pathways, and trails. I love this. And they have something called the Discovery Lab that they began in 2020. It's another $47 million, getting very close to a half billion, or maybe even exceeding the $550,000. Is it exceeding?

Yes, it's exceeded. Half a billion dollars. They're trying to get people interested, young people interested in science. It's a much smaller facility than opening in Owen Park. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah. Blah, blah, blah, blah.

Blah, blah, blah, blah. Chach, chach, chach. Blah, blah, blah, blah. The Gateway Project. City officials announced they would begin construction of a new pedestrian bridge wow i love this i love this yes oh no in 2019 there was an arkansas river flooding caused by unusually heavy rains along the arkansas river which i always want to call the arkansas river and maybe that is maybe only the state is Arkansas. Maybe the river has a different name.

It forced major releases from Keystone Dam. No, no, no. This raised the water level downstream above flood stage in many areas and threatened to damage. No! Threatened to damage the new gathering place, which had opened the preceding fall, had to close for a week until the flood had begun to subside.

Then they looked at the damage, relatively light damage in some places. There was just some hosing off to get rid of the mud and debris. Thank goodness for that. There was a light stanchion washed away. And... They need cable concrete type bank reinforcement.

It looks like no serious harm was done to the gathering place. Thank goodness that the gathering place, which operates year round and is owned by the Tulsa River Parks Authority, is still status operating. Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Fools with Ken Calamaran plan. I must return to the mysterious screenplay. I love you, I miss you, I want you, I need you. Cadamaran Ho. Ta-ta and farewell.

Can Indigenous ways of knowing help kids cope with online bullying? At the University of British Columbia, we believe that they can. Dr. Johanna Sam and her team are researching how both Indigenous and non-Indigenous youth cope with cyber aggression, working to bridge the diversity gap in child psychology research. At UBC, our researchers are answering today's most pressing questions. To learn how we're moving the world forward, visit ubc.ca slash forward happens here. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

I'm Jessie Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture, but when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween.

Facebook is like a no, that's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow,

and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.