The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - guatemala

Episode Date: June 24, 2024

Welcome to the new and improved JDFMCP season 2 episode 2Check out the Catechast: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UCy7FvqcH5J1HzovfnF-NvsACheck out the JDFMCP visual element on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@JamesDonaldForbesMcCannJoin the sailing club to contribute financially to James Donald Forbes McCann's journey to boat ownership: www.patreon.com/jdfmccannBuy the several books written by James Donald Forbes McCann: https://www.jdfmccann.com/booksFind Eve on instagram: www.instagram.com/eveelbow Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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now wherever you get your podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Envelope, please. Thank you, and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann... Catamaran Plan. Catamaran Plan. Just a little stray piece of moustache getting caught up there in a difficult time. So good to be here with you today on the James Donald Forbes McCann CatamaranPlan, just a little stray piece of moustache getting caught up there in a difficult time.

So good to be here with you today on the James Donald Forbes We Can Catamaran Plan, the show where I, James Donald Forbes We Can, am trying to buy a boat. Here we are in our magnificent new studio. No update because we're filming this one right after the last episode. We're banking these episodes, but there are so many things that in time with your patient help and support that we're going to do here. Live studio audience. That's something that I'd really like to work towards doing in the future. Different lighting setup. This is my lamp. We're actually using my lamp with a piece of cardboard. Eve, would you please stand up and maybe just move that ever so slightly into the camera frame so

people can see what's happening with the lighting setup? So I just grabbed my bedside lamp and I wrapped some cardboard to turn it into a spotlight And that's why we've got a beautiful red hue that I was a little worried about but I think has turned out really really well Seaweed that could be real seaweed. I think fairy lights wouldn't be bad. Smoke machine. Smoke machine could be good in the future. Also a real camera. This is my old iPhone we're using. Plugged in because the battery is no good.

But I'd like a real camera. Sam Clark, my cinematographer, will be coming to America later in the year. My intention is for him then to, he's going to come in and set it all up beautifully, rejuvenated, get us the cheapest, best camera that we can. And this, wow, you think this is good now. I'm sure you're watching this now and you're saying, boy, oh boy, Jimmy,

there's no way that anyone could ever hope to have a more pristine... I mean, this is the best thing on YouTube currently. Well, you just wait and you see what we set it up as in the future. It's going to be stunning because that's the level of commitment and hard work that's necessary to the shells rattle to try and buy a boat. I'm serious about the boat is not a metaphor. This is genuinely a show about buying a

boat for new watches. Let's perhaps do an update. I did a series of plans in Australia. I had books of poems come out. I did art auctions. I did comedy shows and extravaganzas in the podcast ongoing with many various guests and things of that nature. The plan that we're currently embarking on is trying to break America wide open as a superstar comedy celebrity. And wow. I mean, I think we're growing as fast as you can hope to without having a scandal or being the hottest young 18-year-old on OnlyFans. We are doing an absolutely terrific job of growing the fan base.

Podcast has octupled in size. I mean, that's when we recorded this, before that first visual element episode update has come out. Now, 16-tupled, 18-tupled. Hey, who knows what sort of account we'll be setting up in the near future. Sex ones. Nah, we wouldn't do that. We only do...

Here's another rule. We have some rules on the catamaran plan. We only try and do good, moral. If you can pray for it, it can be a plan. If you can ardently and seriously pray for the success of a venture, that is a plan. And I think bringing myself to America is something that... Certainly I can pray that

it goes well enough that I can house and feed my family. It's great to be here with you today. So the Breaking America plan going very well. Instagram subscribers skyrocketing and with this visual element we'll be able to have all these fun and funky reels. The TikToks. X. Snapchat.

We don't do Snapchat. I don't see any way that we could use Snapchat to grow. Very important now that I've been talking for four minutes aimlessly that we bring in our producer, Eve. Eve, would you like to wave in front of the camera? Hi. That's Eve. Our producer. Are we looking good? We're looking good? That's alright. our producer. Uh-oh.

Are we looking good? We're looking good? That's all right. You fix that and I'll continue talking. Eve has done some wonderful preparatory work for the podcast. All these wonderful things you can see here. Of course, this podcast is still coming out in an audio format. Don't feel as though you'll be abandoned. You're still very important to us because we make more money off of you per capita than the youtube starting to do donald trump hands that's a problem uh so we just

want all forms of all forms of the podcast as we hit the seaweed to do well and eve is preparing these envelopes full of things to talk about that really was i found my number one problem with the podcast in the past is that gee you'd have to come out with 20 minutes eve i'll bring you in for this chat okay i have to just sit there until i did one last night about going to green bay i was seriously hung over i was uh i just sat alone in this room and uh bitched and moaned and I had nothing really to talk about except my own inadequacies but now we have a whole

manila envelope of things you've produced that I don't know about to talk about on the podcast. Thank you. You're welcome. Yeah, and I would I mean, I don't know. Some people might really like hearing you bitch and moan about being hungover. People might like that. It was genuinely a beautiful evening

and I'll treasure it forever. I also, I caught a pass thrown by their number two quarterback. I think he's good enough to be their number one quarterback. You do or you don't? I mean, I don't know anything about American football, but he threw that ball so beautifully. How far away?

Were you like across the room? Not that far. And I looked at the footage and he threw it pretty gently indeed. So many segments. Here's the other thing. The show's been broken up into segments now. There's still this very important long rambling segment at the start. Let us commence the pledge.

I didn't take the hat off for the pledge last time. Hats off, everybody, as we do our pledge. I pledge. I pledge. That I. That I. Insert name here. Insert name here. Eve. Will evangelize the podcast.

Will evangelize the podcast. Let people know about the podcast. Let people know about the podcast. Get more listeners on the podcast. Get more listeners on the podcast. Get more listeners on the podcast. Such that James. Such that James. Donald.

Donald. Forbes. Forbes. McCann. McCann. Will get enough money to buy a boat. Will get enough money to buy a boat. Catamaran Ho.

Catamaran Ho. As we proceed to our first segment proper. Summoning the mind boat. Summoning the. Explain what that means. What does that mean? does that mean we're playing the stinger okay summoning the mind what does that mean as a question you may well be asking yourself what it means is it's time for us to perhaps close our eyes although why would you want to miss out on this

fantastic visual element? We're going to use our imagination to plan out the boat trip that I'll take once I get the boat. At this rate, at the rate at which the podcast is doubling, I think certainly next year, maybe the year after, maybe five or six years after that, maybe next week. But at some point, we'll have enough money to buy the boat. And when that happens, we will need to be mentally prepared for me to be on the boat. You never get to go on the boat.

But, I mean, Eve. I might. You can see it. No, you can probably. You've done enough work for the podcast. I'm the only one who knows how to sail. Yeah. Well, we'll need to put an actual crew together

because as captain, I don't plan on doing a lot of the actual stuff i plan on being more of a sit around write poems sort of captain yacht and a catamaran basically you are the one percent i will be the one percent yeah i once went to a i wouldn't say i went to it i walked Occupy Adelaide rally because that's the hub of global finance that we need to break down. And there was a little child holding a sign saying, we are not the 1%. And I thought, oh, don't give up so soon,

little seven-year-old. We're in a class with enough, there's a fluid enough class system in Australia that you still could be the 1%. Don't give up now, you little rat bag. Summoning the mind boat. Summoning the mind boat. Summoning the mind boat.

Mental preparedness for having a boat and the journey to come. So now we plan out our voyage. Last week we were in Mexico and wasn't that stunning? And they all drink Coca-Cola and they invent birth stunning and they all drink Coca-Cola and they invent birth control and they're sinking are those things tied together maybe well now they're led by a Jewish woman

so I'm sure there was that too God is angry at Mexico I wonder if he's angry at place number two as we sail down the west coast of America, Guatemala. So many facts that Eve, wonderful Eve, has done with her work on Guatemala. Fact number one, Guatemala had the longest civil war in Latin American history,

lasting from 1960 to 1996, with over 200,000 people killed. Goodness me. Spanning from, boy, the Beatles to Nirvana. Guatemala was in a civil war and neither band, to my knowledge, had the good sense to write a song about it. Why couldn't they? It's such a small country.

You'd think you'd get it done sooner than that. 36 years. We can't hit the table too hard. Those are real shells. We must get a bigger table. Am I allowed to speak now? You may. Yeah, we will.

We shall. That's your job for Wednesday. No, it's our job because I don't have a car big enough. Weakness. Very well. Fact number two. Eve has... It's going to be easy to come up with these Catholic

facts that you've assembled while we're in Latin America. But somehow I think when we move through to the voodoo islands and Protestant Europe, it won't be quite so easy. But well done on this one. Catholicism in Guatemala has been rapidly decreasing over the past 20 years. Some people believe it's because

evangelicals and Protestants are converting members of Latin America. You'd have to think. Others blame the Catholic Church for being involved in the Civil War. Did not know. In 2001, 55% of the country was Catholic. In 2022, only 41% was still considered Catholic. Now, I will note that that decline did happen 15 years after the Civil War ended.

That's true. But from what I was reading, the Catholic Church made a lot of dirty deals that led to a lot of people dying. Wouldn't put it past them. Yeah, but who knows? There's a lot of conflicting. If I had really done my research, I'd still be researching. There's a lot of information.

How dare you come on this show and not have a fact and not have the stones to back it up one of my favorite stories is about a man called brent bozell jr who helped to found the march for life and he was uh william f buckley jr's dear friend he married his sister and he big conservative stalwart his conservatism was undone in the sense by his conversion to catholicism uh after which point he moved to franco's spain as so many people did and he really was against national review and he started his own magazine called triumph which was full of power but not readership and it closed but i anyway he there's some great stories about brent bozell jr before i say this one but one of them is he ran for a republican uh he was he was a republican you say uh he was a candidate for like a house of representatives what do they call that here in new york i think okay and it

was a it was a state assembly state assembly no uh it was the federal one oh okay it was it was a but what do they call them representatives yeah congressperson congress it was running for congress that was the thank you very much helps to have an american here for the anecdote and he was in a seat that he couldn't win because it was very democrat but he was campaigning really hard to try and put a good performance and um this was in i think the early 60s and they would drive around the neighborhood with a loudspeaker and he would he would talk to the microphone and he would say because he's a republican candidate you know vote uh brent bozell jr for a peaceful solution to the race question. And things like this. Like, just peace, steady, race.

And they said this as they came past a factory and all the white workers were heading in. And as they were driving past, shifts changed and everyone who came out was black. And instead of saying what he'd been saying before, he said, vote Brent Boesel. Freedom now! And that's always really stayed with me.

What a little cuck, you know? I love it. It would feel so good to say to a whole group of black people in the 60s, freedom now. How could you not do it? Well, he bailed on what he was really saying. It could be the same thing. They don't disagree.

That's the most peaceful solution is freedom now. But he, towards the end of his life when he was being uh imprisoned and he was having a for what bipolar so many thick protests wacky behavior he i think this is in the 80s i could be getting this wrong but he decided that they needed to catholicize latin america which seemed insane and people said what are you doing they are the catholics and he said no the lady i think the lady appeared our lady appeared to him i could be getting all this wrong but that he felt some supernatural urge to go to latin america and convert them these catholic people to catholicism but now of course it's come out that they've all they were not uh necessarily extremely deeply

catechized and the level of evangelicalism sweeping Latin America is huge. But who really then is deeply Catholic? If you're not calling them... So great, maybe the Maltese? Yeah, I mean, probably Vatican City. Like, if we're really holding it to that... If Latin American Catholics aren't Catholic... I didn't say they weren't Catholic,

but just, you know, it helps to... Beyond the pictures, it helps to do the reading. Right. Oh, you've been talking about me with the facts? No, I'm saying for Latin America, I mean, it's for all Catholics. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. I think it helps to be. Get into the thing.

That's not perfect, but it can help you maybe avoid evangelicalism. And a big thanks to all our evangelical listeners. Most people don't read things the way that you read things. Yeah, I'll read things. Yeah. I'll grant that. Yeah. It's hard to read when you're in a civil war and you got to keep the lights out because they're shooting at the house.

I don't know how it worked, but. When do you want Marian intervention more than when? Yeah, but when are you going to stay up late? You're like, oh, well, in the morning I have to go work and hope not to die so I can feed my children. But tonight I'm going to stay up. You're describing every single day for me. yeah there are there are guns at night two days there are guns but it yeah pop pop pop pop they're like no it's cars backfiring i look it up it's

it's not it's obvious someone at night is shooting and we've become acclimatized first time it happened we got the whole family, we got into the back of the house. Now, it's like, come on, everybody. Yeah, keep it down. It's a bit that did not work on stage. Well, I think that it was a bit

that needed more. It's Polish. It was a good bit. I mean, I think it's because you said the word projects in the bit and nobody, people clam up when they say, when you say projects.

That's the sort of thing it's good for me to know. Listen, I say projects. There are, you know, it's not a race thing. It's poverty. But people think's good for me to know. Listen, I say projects. It's not a race thing. It's poverty. But people think that you're referring to racial stuff. I know, and I've got to be more careful. Sometimes I put my big Australian foot in it.

But you don't hate people for their race. You hate them for being poor. Microphone down. Microphone down. Eve's participation segment has come to a close. Almost half the population in Guatemala is indigenous, descendant of the Mayan civilization. Well done, you Mayans.

Hanging on. Many Guatemalans worship a god named Maximo, also called San Simon. Okay, weird. One of the legends about him is that he was hired by traveling fishermen to protect the virtue of their wives, but when they went off to work, he disguised himself and slept with all of them.

The townspeople then cut off his legs and arms to punish him, which is why he is often depicted without legs or arms. That was my favorite thing I found. I like that one. The saint who's supposed to protect their wives. And they pray for him. Yeah, I guess they pray to him but they just took off his legs and arms

because they don't want him boning her. Seems like they could have just chopped his dick off and saved some time. It's hard to use your dick though when you don't have legs and arms.

You can't angle it. It's doable. You can't seduce very easily. I assume it's doable. No, are you kidding? He's a god. You're like somebody wheel me over to that house,

Casa de Maria. I want to bone her while her... He's got a special wheelchair instead of blowing into it's just when he becomes a wreck that points him in the direction the but honestly shame on him for all their wives but if he's a saint

I mean it's I think that's probably a this is what I mean about deeper catechism hey if you're interested in some more catechism might I recommend the catechist my other podcast I you're interested in some more catechism, might I recommend The Catechast, my other podcast? I had to put a cut in this episode here because Eve said some things that were absolutely reprehensible and they've just got no place on the show.

But if you're interested in being catechized in the Catholic Church, my friend Jack's very good at it. We've got a podcast. It's called The Catechast. It's out now. Red Horse, return to the regularly scheduled narrowcast. The McDonald's Happy Meal was invented in Guatemala. Cool.

Yolanda Fernandez de Coffin, though, owned a franchise in the 1970s. Imagine coming up during a civil war. What if we get the children to have a little toy? Bring a smile back to the face. Only the Happy Meal can end the violence. Credit portion small enough for kids. Originally called the Ronald menu.

There is not enough food. We've got to come up with a sneaky way. The idea took off. This is Guatemala. Next hand. I don't know any Guatemalans. Yeah, but it's like, this is shane gillis moment this is the thing that's gonna that's not racist to do latin american no i know i know but i'm saying half of

them are white i'm assuming yeah but in the future when it is racist no they're gonna come back and they're gonna come for you no because latinos gonna make you more famous latinos have great Senses of humor. Right. Whereas the, I'll say this for the Chinese. You're right. Oh, God. I got to trump hands. No, it's just like not known for their sense of humor. Great food, though.

Tremendous food. Amazing food. And you say Koreans known for their sense of humor? Japanese even. Incredible sense of humor. Chinese, inscrutability would be the thing they're known for. I would say Japanese as well. Japanese? Oh, very inscrutable Japanese.

But then you watch the anime. Oh! People do such funny voices. Kabuki theater. Chinese opera, not funny in the slightest. Japanese opera, people, oh! Same thing with Korea, like the pantomime. Such jolly jovial pantomime.

Vietnamese, extremely funny people. Let's rank all the countries in Asia by how funny we think they are. That's a new stinger. Yeah, it's a new segment. I didn't know we'd be getting a new segment. Yeah. We could rank them all

by different things yeah who's got the biggest tits in Asia oh actually I did live in Asia yeah but I don't know that

I'm the expert on this I think probably Indian women is that right Indian women Indian women gee if Indian women are leaving that

leaving that field I feel like Sri Lankan would be like a bosom but Indians and Sri Lankans a be. I feel like some of them have a bosom. But Indians and Sri Lankans a lot. Hey, what do you know? Another good opportunity to take a break from my podcast and interrupt whatever Eve's saying here. No one needs to know.

And talk about the Catechist instead. A good, uplifting podcast about the Catholic Church and being catechized in it. Beautifully shot by Sam Clark. Beautifully presented by Jack Blanche. The Catechist. Out now. All digital platformschised in it. Beautifully shot by Sam Clark. Beautifully presented by Jack Blanche, the catechist. Out now, all digital platforms. Get on it. Also, I don't mind telling you that I wrote this song. I wrote the intro music to the catechist and I'm very proud of the intro. It goes for way too long. Should be 30 seconds. It's way longer. I'm super proud of it. Anyway, probably back to, oh, let's just finish it.

I'm super proud of it. Anyway, probably back to... Oh, let's just finish it. What do you think of that? All right, back to the James Donald Forbes, we can't get a Moran plan. All right, microphone down, Eve. It's my podcast. There are only about 900 Jews living in Guatemala,

but the president of Guatemala spent 10 years living in Israel and speaks fluent Hebrew wow wonder how that person got to power now we bring up just to chime in because you told me I could put in a little I said you should put in a Jew fact

and there's my Jew fact you know what we're going to call that? Jews clues you know I You know what we're going to call that? What? Jew's clues. Yeah. You know, I think that historically they always did have one Jewish person on a ship. Do you know that? No.

I made it up. But in case they had to buy some kind of, I don't know, deal with the devil, the Jew, you know, I have no idea. He can do it. I'm making things up. But I think that on our ship there should always be a Jew aboard. It doesn't have to be me. A Jew. It can't be you.

You're a woman. On your ship, there's no women allowed? Men alone. So you're not bringing your wife? And my wife. She's having a sex change. So far, this is going well. This has gone long.

This podcast? This is strong. This is good. I can feel the engagement. I think we are in full flight now on the podcast time for the next segment pearls of wisdom

this is the pearls of wisdom song it is the song we play this is the segment where to get more ladies listening to the podcast I redo a piece of advice that was given out by the guardian to read out the advice the guardian just gives weak think about it I redo a piece of advice that was given out by The Guardian.

So we read out the advice. Then The Guardian just gives weak, think about it, talk to somebody. Who are you? Who am I? Who are we? I once submitted for The Guardian and they didn't want to publish me. Monsters. There's an article about how you can't trust people who don't like the red hot chili peppers. And frankly, they were never going to publish it. So let's read the question someone sent into the guardian and let's give them proper meaningful advice my partner of 20 years decided

last year that he wanted to try a vegan diet that's fine he had just turned 50 and had suffered the loss of his estranged father so he had reasons enough to evaluate his life. Yeah, I guess. There are worse problems than a vegan partner. Oh, good! Oh, thank goodness this is someone bitching and moaning about a vegan. I did not know where this was going. Listen, I know you. Yeah, you've done right by me here, Eve. There are worse problems about a vegan. I did not know where this was going. Listen, I know you.

Yeah, you've done right by me here, Eve. There are worse problems than a vegan partner, but I am not handling it well. I go through periods, I bet you do, of avoiding eating and cooking with him. I don't want to offend him, and I don't want him to offend me. I don't believe veganism is a good choice

for personal or planetary health, and I feel healthier on a low-carb diet. We both realize we are not going to persuade each other to change diets. He has lost lots of weight and looks great and is happy with his choice. It sounds like maybe you should do something like that. I'm just saying. How's low-carb working out for you? But I feel sad that he may never cook another delicious chicken dinner for me,

and I am seething underneath that he immerses himself in vegan propaganda wow this is a good one uh and he's withdrawn from family culinary traditions to be fair i lack a love for beans and avoid starch so he isn't left with much choice except withdrawal hey don't go to Guatemala. Following his bereavement and a period of grieving, he hasn't been as easy to live with. Yeah, poor you. And we're all dealing with the ups and downs of our teenage children.

I really miss connecting over a good dinner and wish he would go back to being an omnivore. I don't know what advice the Guardian gave. Do you remember the Guardian's advice? I'm sure it was like, get a recipe book and try different, you know, I'm sure it was like that. You're right. He is failing your family with his veganism. Totally. And also, very easily lose weight when you stop eating protein.

You just lose your muscle. I'm sure plenty of people have all these opinions. But yeah, you lose fat, but then you also lose muscle. How many strong looking vegan men now granted there are a few that behaves there's yeah there are some yeah there's some like triathlon but i just think i mean i used to be vegan and i i was vegetarian for 15 years yeah i was vegetarian as well yeah before i never went to veganism veganism it's a lie you can just get all the substitutes for the things that actually taste good but you

feel worse and then i would like have a lot of beans i'm like i'm gonna be a healthy vegan and you just have gas all the time because your body doesn't want we are omnivores of course we're meant to i mean i also if people want to do the carnivore thing they swear by it and then you know i don't know enough about it but it seems like people are saying nice things. Eating meat, it's cool. I mean, I was a vegetarian for years. My family is still vegetarians. I was raised in a family of vegetarians. I, you know, went out on my own way and started eating meat.

Here's one. Everything suffers when it dies. Plants suffer when they die. Blades of grass scream out in agony at certain vibrations whatever also like for the production of your vegan diet so many insects and animals have to die like i'm sorry you i understand that someone died in your family but it is i think the sign of an immature 50 year old man whose father just died that you can't acclimatise yourself to some killing. I'm not saying eat meat all the time. Certainly, you know, if your family has beautiful traditions,

that's more important than a chicken. I would never... I mean, that's just how I would... Maybe I'm wrong. I know that when my children have their... They'll have their vegetarian faiths. And it's going to make it so hard on everybody. You've got to take that.

If you're going to make that selfish decision to eat in an irrational way, you've got to remove that stressor from the family. Well, people get sanctimonious about their newfound vegetarianism, veganism. And then if you really do the research, it's not better for the environment. People like to say it is, but it's actually not. It's not. Yeah. I don't know that.

I haven't looked it up at all, but I'm comfortable saying it's not. I do know that. I have looked it up. Yeah. And I've read books about it. It's not better for the environment. But it's like, okay, if you don't want to kill things, fine. But don't pretend like you're better.

What do you think was where your house lived? There was trees. There were animals. Yes. All this stuff you're not you can't get out of this place life without killing things and so i've got to kill i've said it once on the podcast we'll say it before you've got to kill your way through totally i i'm also sympathetic to this man i know some vegans who are very happy and they don't go on

and on about it's fine and there might be dietary reasons that you can't be eating meat, but you are absolutely justified in being upset about it, and you should nag him until he changes what he does. Next segment is called Ocean News. Ocean News. Ocean News. Ocean News. Belugas flirt and fight by morphing their squishy forehead.

By Scientific American. Beluga whales have blobs of fat on their heads called melons. New research suggests that when the whales seemingly stone-faced countenances, I'm not reading that well. Anyway, they shake, wiggle, thrust, and bump these bulbous blobs to convey something like facial expressions for study in animal cognition. Scientists tracked four beluga whales at Connecticut's... Connecticut's... I didn't sleep last night.

Mystic Aquarium for more than 200 hours and observed thousands of mammals morphing their melons or someone in the journalist department. I knew you'd like that. They had a good time there. They were seeing if they were intentional. They documented five morphs. We have known intuitively that they do this.

I don't think that's the... I don't think... Justin Richard, the study's lead author, has used the right word there. But this is the first time we have documented it rigorously. Scientists should be cautious about ascribing a meeting, blah, blah, blah. They shake it around. They make it look big.

Maybe in anger they do it. Why do they do it? Incredible news from the ocean about the beluga. I like the... I'll be honest. you don't like that one i think we need juicier ocean news than weird animal facts okay so here's the problem i'm running into okay all of the ocean news is about climate change i ran into that exact that's why i stopped doing the segment right but i But, I mean, yeah.

And then a lot of the other ocean news that I could find is 10 years old. Because for the last 10 years, it's all been about climate change. Let's, if we do the old news, that's fine. Okay. No one knows. I've got some good old ones. Really? Yeah, I do.

I won't tell them now. Don't be like the Titanic is. No. That's for a ship thing. It's a shout out to ships. Now it's time for our next's a shout out to ships. Now it's time for our next segment. Shout out to ships.

The Confederate Army built the H.L. Hunley submarine during the American Civil War. I love the American Civil War. Long live the Union. To sink Union Navy ships. Terrible. So this is the thing.

It sank twice, the H.L. Hunley. The ship sank twice. It was a submarine. Okay. So it sank twice. They had sank twice, the H.L. Hundley. The ship sank twice? It was a submarine. Okay. So it sank twice. They had a submarine in the Civil War? Yeah.

Incredible. It sank twice in the testing process, killing a dozen people, including its designer, Horace L. Hundley. Horace, Jewish name. I mean, it doesn't have to be a Jew, but he couldn't be Jewish because... A lot of Jewish people involved in the slave trade, I'm told. Is that true? That's not true. That's a white nationalist talking point.

I think that there were a couple. I mean, it's just a crazy. It's also a weird schizophrenia from the white nationalists to be like, yeah, slavery was fine. And also like, it was the Jews that were doing it. Take credit or don't. They basically blame the Jews because they're responsible for everything. Jews.

Jews. There weren't that many Jews here. There were a lot of slave traders. There were only a few Jews. In the slave trade? In general, in the US. I'll say this though. South African Jews, I think overrepresented in Australia

because Australia was the point where they went, apartheids come to an end and we can't practice being beautiful whites in South Africa anymore. We'll come to Sydney. And it's a huge influx of South African Jews. South African Jews are the worst Jews. Because... Yes!

Look, I love... It's not me saying it. Eve's the one who's getting in trouble. Because they're so... I'm like, I'm under the seaweed. They're so clearly racist. And it makes people already have like a weird thing about Jews. I don't know if you've heard about that.

What? I love the Jewish people. Yeah, thank you. And I pray for their conversion. Yeah. I am such a big fan. On behalf of the Jews, I can say that we are firmly considering allowing you to be part of the media. That's all I ask.

And may I just say, I pray for this episode is being recorded before it comes out. Right. Maybe by now we've got peace in the Middle East. Wouldn't that be nice? I'm sure any day now. Wouldn't that be nice? That'll be, yeah, when we decide. That's be yes, for sure.

But anyway. Next time you vote. Yeah. At the big Jewish. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Decision making. Next time you vote. Yeah. At the big Jewish decision-making. They call it a cabal. Yeah. You know, coincidentally, it is underneath a bank. Coincidentally.

But that's just because, you know, that's where we all live. The West Bank? Yeah. That is so funny. I never thought about that. Haven't you? I've never thought about that until right now. This could be a good bit.

That is a good bit. Like, why are we putting... We all work in the banks. Jews control the banks. Specifically, the West Bank. Yeah, but no wonder all the Jewish settlers are trying to take over the West Bank. It's like, it's a bank. That's our jam.

You can have that. That's a good one, right? From me to you. Is that funny, though? I mean, I would feel uncomfortable hearing it on stage. Certainly saying it on stage. You can say it. Right it right right but that is a big issue the west bank anyway okay yeah it is back to the ship interest rates are at an all-time high yeah that's true um and by that i mean rates of jews interested in moving to the west bank that's so funny all right hold on

that's hold on we're working a bit here let. Let's go on to this Confederate submarine that seems to have killed a lot of Confederates. Yeah. It sank twice in the testing process, killing a dozen people, including its designer. Eventually, the submarine managed to launch a torpedo, sinking the USS Housatonic in February 1864. By the way, it was only in operation from 1864 to 1865. It became the first combat submarine to sink a ship. But afterward, the submarine sank itself for a third and final time, killing a total, including the first two, of 21 people in three sinkings in the single year that it was in service. It remained lost for more than a century.

Wow. It was only found in 1995 and raised in 2000, though its reason for sinking remains unclear. So I think maybe the fact that it had sunk twice before would indicate that it was not structurally sound. But does this mean the Confederates pioneered submarine technology? I don't know. I mean, I don't know if they pioneered it

or if they just made the first submarine that worked. Do you know what I mean? Someone else may have they just made the first submarine that worked. Okay. Do you know what I mean? Like someone else may have come up with the concept. That is pioneering. What a good idea for a movie. It's Das Boot. Right.

But they're all talking like this. Launch the torpedo. Oh, we're singing for a third time. Mercy me. Goodness gracious. Look at this. Look at what a long podcast episode we've done, Eve. Back in your chair. Big round of done, Eve. Back in your chair.

Big round of applause for Eve. Back in my chair. Bye. I think we can be very proud of this episode of The James Elf. I think we're going to be okay. First episode, not going to lie. Felt a little rusty. Wasn't really sure where we were taking it, how we were doing it.

Now I can see what this podcast is going to be. Affirmations. We're going to keep going with the podcast. We're going to hang inations. We're going to keep going with the podcast. We're going to hang in there. We're going to keep doing the visual element. Affirmation. Eve can continue to be involved no matter how many people in the comment

section insist that that's a deal breaker for them. Affirmation. I'm going to well, we're going to make this set. What are we going to do? We're going to make this set what are we going to do? we're going to make it even better for the next one we've got an American flag that I didn't know where to put a union flag I'm proud to say

affirmation somewhere maybe we're going to have that I don't know if that would be offensive oh affirmations I think we're going to be okay I think this podcast honestly if this is the work that the podcast is what we've done today if this is what the podcast becomes i am cured of my existential dread and having to

make the podcast i think in this if this can if this is of a quality that people can tolerate i can do this i could do i could do two a day for a week every week week in week. I could do two a day. For a week. Every week. Week in, week out. I could do it. This is the show. This is maybe the first time. Eve, affirmation.

This might be the show. We're doing 130 something episodes trying to figure out what the show was going to be. Maybe this is the show. This is great. I love it. You did forget the fish of the week. Do you want to do it? Yes. Throw it in. What do you like? What fish do you like to eat? No, no, just say it. You know what?

Affirmation. I'm killing that segment. Affirmation. The importance of affirmation. We're going to have a show. We've got a show. I think if we keep doing this podcast, who knows the size of the audience we could accrue

and the money that we could start bringing in. I think we're going to be all right. We're going to be all right. Are we still recording? We're still recording.

Unbelievable that we haven't even had a massive technical problem yet. I want to thank you, Eve, for producing this beautiful episode.

We've got more episodes to come. Catamaran Ho, everybody. Don't forget to go and sign up to the Patreon. So many beautiful things on the Patreon. So on and so forth. Catamaran Ho. God bless.

God keep you. I love you. I miss you. I want you. I need you. Catamaran Ho. Goodbye. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessi Cruikshank.

I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo

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But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank

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