The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - HELLO UNITED KINGDOM

Episode Date: March 26, 2023

UK listeners, please get in touch with me over on Instagram. My username is @jdfmccann Together we can stage a very special invasion of your country.Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccannYouTube:https://m.youtube.com/@JamesDonaldForbesMcCann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines and i get schooled by a tween facebook is like a no that's what my grandma's on thank god phone a friend with jesse crookshank is not available on facebook it's out

now wherever you get your podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Hello and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. One of two episodes this week. The first episode is an interview with Hayley Leake. It goes for almost two hours. She was extremely generous with her

time. Hayley is a previous Australian Survivor winner, one of my favourite players. She did very well on the season just past. She's in all the promotional materials. She's a big star. Go and listen to that podcast, especially if you're a big Australian Survivor fan. And if you're not a big Australian Survivor fan, watch it. And if you're not inside Australia and you're a big Australian Survivor fan. And if you're not a big Australian Survivor fan, watch it. And if you're not inside Australia and you're having trouble finding it, you know, there's probably a way to do it. Now, I did think I could just release that podcast this week.

You know, that's one. That's one and done. It's a long one. But it felt lazy, you know, because it didn't feel like work at all to do that interview with Hayley. It was an absolute dream. And I know some people are not going to be watching Australian Survivor and you deserve an update as well.

And there's frankly been something on my mind that I want to express. Please tell us what you wish to express and don't tell us immediately. Tell us in an obtuse and roundabout fashion. So most downloads of this podcast are now American. And we have many American supporters to thank for that. So many American podcasters have had me on. If you have a podcast in America, by the way, I'd love to come on your show and talk more about the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan.

And by the way, we've got heaps of plans for breaking America. Going to America. You know, that sort of thing. But I can't gig there easily. It's hard for me to gig there because of the visa situation. You have to pay like 10 grand, which we don't have. And then they have to declare that you're an alien of extraordinary ability or something. So I thought while we're growing the podcast and trying to get into different countries,

America seems to be taking care of itself. That's growing all the time. Sensational. I'll tell you where we don't have a foothold. Other countries. Now, Canada is doing really well. Canada is our third nation at the moment after America and Australia. So thank you to the good people of Canada. I'll be talking more about Canada in the future. But as you can possibly tell by the title of this episode, we're not talking about Canada today. Sorry, Canada. The thing I need to talk about today is the United Kingdom.

Or, as I like to call it, England Plus. The United Kingdom has, well, they've burned me. I'm upset by the United Kingdom at the moment. I had an idea for a show to get more UK listeners, and the show was that wonderful New York woman, Jewish comedian, Eve Ellenbogen, whose performance style is not a lot like me, but she has excellent charisma, that she would do an impression of me at the Edinburgh Fringe. And do you know what? It was a great plan. And do you know what else? They didn't let that plan take fruition. I don't know if I filled out the forms badly. I don't know if my name is poisoned to the Edinburgh fringe.

I don't know, frankly, if they just didn't understand what I was trying to communicate. But regardless, it's upsetting that that plan for breaking into the UK with the catamaran plan, building up some UK fans, has not come off. But do we stop when a plan doesn't work? No! Well, sometimes. Sometimes when we find the plan doesn't work, the correct thing is to stop. Because to persist in folly is the definition of madness. But we have some UK listeners, and here's my thought. Once you get a certain number of people in a place, a fire starts to spread.

A fire starts to burn, right? And it starts to spread. Now, we've got a little spark in the United Kingdom at the moment. spark in the United Kingdom at the moment. We've got one, two, three, four, five, six listeners. So what I'd like to do now is make a personal appeal in this episode to our six United Kingdom listeners. I can see where you reside, or at least where you're downloading from. Maybe you're on the road, maybe you're traveling around, you're downloading it while you're out and about. But let's start with London, the capital of England. I've been to London.

I was very sick in London for a few days. I went to the Imperial War Museum and saw a very upsetting Holocaust exhibition. Hello, London! It would be so wonderful if we exhibition. Hello, London. It would be so wonderful if we had more listeners in London. We've got two, officially. As I get to in a moment, it's actually three. But we'll say two.

Ah, let's just be honest. It's three. Three London listeners to the most recent episode. Hello. Hello, London listeners. Here's what I'd like you to do. Number one, I'd like you to make yourselves known to me. If you're comfortable doing that, you can reach out at JDF McCann on Instagram.

That's JDF M double C A double N. Or any other way you want to reach out to me. I've got a website with an email on it. I've got a Facebook. I've got YouTube. Let me know who you are and let's discuss moving forward how we can get more London listeners like yourselves listening to the podcast because we've got to grow the numbers. Six is not enough for me to really launch in the UK. I don't know what the number is. Once we hit 100 listeners in America, that started to just take off all of its own accord. And I'd like to thank our many more than 100 listeners in America now. But United Kingdom, there's currently only three in London.

Now, I will say, there's two in London, and one is in something called Harrow, which originally I just thought that sounded like a racist impression of a Chinese man. But actually, it's just a place in London, as far as I can tell. So, two more central London listeners and one man in Harrow. Please make yourself known to me. Then if that works, I'd like to, maybe we can, maybe you already know each other. Maybe you go, oh, look, I know who that is. That's me and my two brothers who I told about the podcast. Great. But maybe you don't know each other. And I think the next step, now that we have a multiplicity of London listeners,

is to build the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan London Listeners Club. London well known for its clubs. What is a man without a club in London? London listeners, it's time for us to form a club. And we can discuss, you know, ideas for growing the podcast to new people. Advertising techniques. Are we willing to put up posters on the tube? Can you put up posters on the tube?

I don't remember. London listeners, let's look to launching. I love all the L's there. Place in the United Kingdom, number two, Aberystwyth. Aberystwyth. That's in Wales. Aberystwyth. Aberystwyth. That's in Wales. Aberystwyth. I don't know how to say it and I can't get my phone to pronounce it correctly. So Aberystwyth. I've been reading your Wikipedia page, one Aberystwyth listener resident. I've been reading the place that you're in's Wikipedia page.

It's the home of Aberystwyth University, the first university in the world to be awarded plastic-free university status. Four single-use plastic items. Wow! It's also the place where Charles III studied, as depicted,

I believe, I think I saw it, in the Crown. Wow! There's 13,000 people in Aberystwyth. That's cool. I've got one of them. As a percentage, better than London, I think. Actually, definitely. So I've actually got a bigger foothold, percentage-wise, in Aberystwyth. And now I notice that Aberystwyth, I've read about your Arts Centre. It's a 312-seat theatre. It looks lovely. I would happily perform there.

If we can get 311 more listeners in Aberystwyth. And frankly, that... Sorry, it does sound... And frankly does sound a little bit like Anne Frankly, that... Sorry, it does sound... Anne Frankly does sound a little bit like Anne Frankly. Hmm? What was her name? Anne Frank. Funny stuff.

Listen, Abbey... Well, not funny, just terrible. Just terrible business. Terrible business. I wonder if we have any... Where was that? Was she hiding in Holland? Amsterdam. Was Anne hiding in Holland? Amsterdam.

Was Anne Frank in Amsterdam? I wonder if we have any Amsterdamese listeners. Anyway, that's a topic for another time. Aberitswaith listener, I'm talking to you directly. Please get in contact with me. I'd like to see if we can find 311 more Aberystwyth people. Out of the 13,000 people, they're in Aberystwyth to become James Donald Forbes' McCann Catamaran Plan fans.

At which point, I think, for that alone, if we could get 300 fans in Aberystwyth, it'd be worth me flying over to do a show just to perform there. All right. Next on the list is a place called Sandhurst, It'd be worth me flying over to do a show just to perform there. All right. Next on the list is a place called Sandhurst, which is the location I'm seeing here of a royalty military academy. Sandhurst. Noticing some royal themes here because I think one of the princes' study worked, fought, became a military strong in Sandhurst.

And then, of course, Charles III studied in Aberystwyth. So, I mean, are my listeners the royal family? Ho, ho, ho, ho, ho, ho. Who can say? All my listeners are royalty to me, but especially the royal ones. Sandhurst is also the place where Greg Davis, the host of Taskmaster, was an English and drama teacher in the 1990s. Cool!

Sandhurst listener, please get in touch. And finally, Southampton, which was the departure point for the RMS Titanic and home to 500 of the people who perished on board. Sorry about that, South Hampton. It's also the home or birthplace to a number of contemporary musicians, such as pop star Craig David. We'd be making love on Wednesday and on Thursday and Friday and Saturday. Man, Craig, aren't you tired?

Oh, that making love. I really quite like Craig David. And maybe my Southampton listener is Craig David. I'm walking away. If my listener's not Craig David, I'm not. I'd love my listener to be Craig David, Royal or otherwise. Southampton listener, please get in touch. And indeed, if you're a listener to this podcast in the United Kingdom

from any other place in the United Kingdom, get in touch. I'm on Instagram, at JDFMcCannccann really when i look at the population of australia and the population of america and the listeners i have there it's absurd that we don't have more listeners in the uk i'm sure there are more uk listeners there ready to enjoy me I remember I performed in a in a basement once in London I um I'd gone over to see the Edinburgh Fringe and I performed only uh I think one or two shows and one of them was in a little basement in London and let me just say not to put too fine a point on it, I was great and I really connected with them. I just thought, oh my goodness, it's just like an Australian audience but they're about 30

IQ points smarter. They get me, they resonate with me, we're having a beautiful time together and then I never went back. I haven't been back and that was almost 10 years ago. and then I never went back. I haven't been back, and that was almost 10 years ago. So to the people of the United Kingdom, specifically the listener in Southampton, the listener in Sandhurst, the listener in Harrow, the listener in Aberdeenswyth, and the London listeners, please, let's get this going.

Let's take this spark. Let's blow it up into a forest fire. When a fire starts to spread. And then once I've got some sort of UK listenership, hopefully we can parlay that into at least an appearance at the Edinburgh Festival. But I'd like to, oh, I always see the UK comedians doing these small theatre tours. Like the theatre in... Abery...

Aberytswyth... I'm sorry, I don't know how to... I'm not bungling that name on purpose. There's no way that I can see those letters and know what they're meant to do. A-B-E-R, ABBA, right? We got that. Y-S-T-W-Y-T-H. But I'm not going to harp on and on about Welsh spelling. More important things have to be discussed. And frankly, there are enough, there's enough people tearing into your spelling whales and these comedians who do that, they're beneath contempt, in my opinion.

And frankly, I'm just sorry that you have to use the English language alphabet from those colonising Englanders. Of course, they have to use the alphabet from those colonising Romans. English doesn't make a lot of sense either. It's pretty bad all around. If you're in the UK, please get in touch. We're going to make this happen. We're going to make this, I believe we're going to make this happen, United Kingdom. This is my overture. I've made overtures before. I did an interview with a

wonderful man named Act in Zimbabwe. Then I lost my side of that interview. Now I've just got his side of the interview. And I keep meaning to turn it into, I'll just like take the best bits of what he said and put them over ocean noises. And I thought that would be nice, but I haven't done it yet. But I will not make the same mistake in the UK.

We take over the UK. And then, much like the UK, we take over the world. And then, much like the UK, we fritter it away. Fritterin'. And parts of the world say we want to be free. And we say, oh, no. And we crush them mercilessly with no sense for hundreds of years, giving them famines and pistolets and machine guns to the face and chest. And then just all of a sudden, for no real reason, after the Second World War, we let it all go and they can all descend into a sectarian violence without Britannia to mindfully watch over and care for her ween.

Anyway, thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Fools McCann Catamaran Plan. I love you. I miss you. I want you. I need you. London Calling. Aberty Swythe. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessie Crickshank. swife. Gem and I can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. Here's a show that we recommend. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jessie Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts. Everywhere.

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