The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - huge ausnouncement

Episode Date: July 1, 2024

Ticket for the Australia tour go on sale July 4Join the sailing club to contribute financially to James Donald Forbes McCann's journey to boat ownership AND you'll get to watch the GOD SAVE THE KING special and important video: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccannBuy the several books written by James Donald Forbes McCann: https://www.jdfmccann.com/books Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessie Crookshank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend.

I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens.

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I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween.

Facebook is like a no, that's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Hello and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. I'm James Donald Forbes McCann, coming to you live from my podcast studio, or what was my podcast studio until quite recently. podcast studio or what was my podcast studio until quite recently as if you're watching the video visual the visualized component you will be able to tell this is now a bedroom someone had to move

in you know it's very nice to get the opportunity to give someone else a place to stay uh after so many people have given me and my family a place to stay during our time in America, which temporarily is coming to an end. That's right. Special tour announcement of Australia. Now. It's happening right now. Can you believe it?

The special Australia announcement tour. This is just the announcement. Tickets go on sale 4th of July. Independence Day. More like James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan live tour. Actually, it's not the catamaran plan live tour. It's just me doing stand-up comedy. But it's all for the greater nexus, if that's the word that I'm looking for.

The synthesis. Anyway, 4th of July, stand-up comedy tour of Australia will be on sale. But I'm announcing it now. I'm coming to these cities. I'm coming to Adelaide, Perth, Brisbane, Melbourne, and Sydney. And I got dates for all of them to announce right now. On the 24th of July, I will be in Adelaide. We've already sold out two shows in Adelaide. Wow. What a joy. I mean, that was not the position I was in before going to America.

Things don't change. These tickets, if Adelaide is any indication, whoa, they will be selling out lickety-split. So Adelaide, new show, added a third show in Adelaide now, has been added for the 24th of July. That's the 24th of July. I'll be doing a show downstairs at the Rhino Room in the Drama Llama, it's called, in the Rhino Room Complex. It's one of my very favorite places in the world to do comedy.

And I look forward to doing comedy there. Then, the next day, on a Thursday, the 25th of July, I'm flying out to Perth, where I will be at the Oasis Comedy Club, one of the best comedy clubs in the country. And that goes for all of these, if I don't say it for the other ones. The Oasis Comedy Club, run by my good friend Brendan. And I'm looking forward to getting over it. I'm both saying, oh, you beautiful Perth people. Personalities.

Anyway, I won't ramble on too much. I'll ramble on in a moment. I'll just tell you what all the dates are. The 31st of July, I'll be in Brisbane at the Sit Down Comedy Club. Gee, it's got a very high stage and a freaky head on the wall. That was the first place I went to go and do gigs in Brisbane. And I was so poor and they paid me, but the money hadn't cleared for a couple of days. I had to walk to the airport. I don't know if I've told that story. I must have. I must have. You get a a couple drinks in me in Brisbane and I tell you the story about how I walked from Paddington to the airport.

And like a big spaz. Thursday, the 1st of August, I'll be in Melbourne at the Comics Lounge. I have never done my own show at the Comics Lounge before. It's a huge room. And that's going to be ever so much fun. And then on the 2nd of August at the Comedy Store, also a great big room in Sydney. So that's, once again, that's Adelaide, Perth, Brisbane, Melbourne, Sydney,

on sale, 4th of July. What about the places you're not going to, James? Why aren't you coming to Canberra? Well, I hate Canberra. It makes me feel like I'm going to commit suicide every time I'm to Canberra? Well, I hate Canberra. It makes me feel like I'm going to commit suicide every time I'm in Canberra. It's a bizarre, utopian, sad, cold place, and I don't want to go there. Also, we don't, I think, have enough listeners to make going there worth it. I mean, if I was really popular there, I'd brace through the difficulties and I'd go

there. But man, just in general, if I can avoid Canberra, I tend to. Wagga Wagga, sadly won't be at Wagga Wagga. I hope to see some Wagga Wagga people at a wedding in Adelaide. I went to Wagga Wagga on the last tour. Had to catch a train to and a bus from Wagga Wagga. And then it was a glorious gig in a friend's backyard. There's no time. I'm in Australia for a very limited amount of time. So Wagga Wagga. Canberra, frankly, that one's something of a choice.

But Wagga Wagga, that's just, I'm sorry. We've got no time. The Gold Coast, get your ass to Brisbane if you're on the Gold Coast. It's an hour drive. I'm flying for several hours to come and see you. I can't be going. I'm not heading or I'm not going to the Gold Coast. Brisbane's right. It's the same town. Sorry. I'm sorry. I'm not going to Ballarat and Bendigo. Again, same thing. You've got to come to Melbourne There's all these beautiful trains Just do that

Newcastle I've never actually been to Newcastle I got an invite to go to Newcastle I'm so sorry I don't have time There's no time I've got so many things to do in Australia while I'm there There's a wedding to go to There's a book of poems to finish and launch

There's the existing comedy tour And I'm so looking forward to doing all being back in Australia is going to be so nice. It's going to be so nice. Too short. And then I'm back in America too short a time in Australia. And then I'll be back in sweet, beautiful America. And I'll be I'll be announcing gigs for that soon. But for just a moment, let me wax lyrical about Australia where I watch the Crowboys fly and fail. No doubt. Although I think the one game I'm going to get to go to is against St Kilda. So there's hope for that, if not our season. Oh, the meat pies. Oh, the sausage rolls. Oh, I haven't

had a Cooper's Pale in seven months. It's the longest I've gone as an adult without having a Cooper's pail gee it's going to be nice in Adelaide going to earn Malley going to the Exeter seeing the mall's balls that became too Matt Berry excuse me malls

anyway seeing the mall's balls we've got these balls in Adelaide there's these big balls that are in the mall oh we love them and uh brisbane it's going to be fun to be in brisbane so much i mean it'll be good i got so many people to see in brisbane don't you think i'm not going to come and see you in brisbane but i don't really know very much about i mean i've been in brisbane lot, but it's usually very humid when I'm there. And the last time I was there, I got a $5,000 speeding ticket in a rental car. It was a long and complicated affair. The people I transferred

money to through, I had to like pay the car dealership. Anyway, the wire transfer service thought I was getting scammed because it was so much money and I don't think I've ever really gotten over that. Mount Kuta, if I go to you, I'll be having someone else drive and I'll be making sure they drive real slow. Melbourne was my home for many months, many, many months in Australia until I fled it because you had the longest lockdown in the world. And also because I find it an architectural hellscape. And man, there's two Melbournes, there's public transport Melbourne and driving Melbourne. I love driving Melbourne. I love Q. I love so many of the outer suburbs. I love getting up to a Westfield. It's that tram train bus Melbourne that I've got a problem with. But you know, it's at least nice to have good falafel. I'm trying to see the positives about Melbourne. I would like people to come. I mean, I love the Comics Lounge. It's an unbelievable,

beautiful, vast, huge venue. And they've got pictures in the walls of comedians who've come there before. And maybe I'll have one drawn up of myself and slap that on the wall. Maybe that would be cool. If they don't do it for me, I wonder if I'd do a little guerrilla-style picture of myself, if that would be allowed. Anyway, I'll be coming to Melbourne, I'll be doing that. picture of myself, if that would be allowed. Anyway, I'll be coming to Melbourne. I'll be doing that.

And the Comedy Store in Sydney, where I also lived before I quit my job and ran out of money and moved back to Adelaide. Boy, that's happened in more than a few places. Anyway, I'll be in Sydney. Is that enough rambling? It's going to be a great tour. Tickets on sale soon. You can find it.

There won't be a link on this video maybe i'll do another video on the 4th of july and have that coming oh you know what i can do i can do that yeah i'll have a i'll remind you when the tickets are on sale because i'll be in australia by then we're leaving on saturday we're flying out uh oh we're doing so many flights we'll probably be in australia by the time this comes out actually yeah we will we're flying out well we're doing so many flights. We'll probably be in Australia by the time this comes out, actually. Yeah, we will. We're flying out... Well, we're flying out Saturday.

Today is Wednesday. The debate's tomorrow. I wonder how that went. I'm sure it was a very ennobling spectacle. That's my prediction. We're flying from Austin to LA. Then there's like a five-hour layover. And then we fly from LA to Fiji.

And then we fly from Fiji to Sydney. And then we fly from Sydney to Adelaide. I think, I could be wrong, but that's three layovers. And we have three children, two adults, four seats. We'll be holding a baby the whole time. It's going to suck. It's going to be one of the worst. If I see that, if this has come out and I've been in Australia for a day and I ran into you yesterday and I seemed rude, it's because I just did that. It's going to be so

bad. We've got an iPad for the trip. So that mean we're not we don't give the kids a whole lot of screen time but if ever there's a time for a screen time it's flying for more than 24 hours boy I wish I had had the money when I booked those tickets

to fly more or less direct I think I could have done it with only one stop in the middle but I've gone for three to save money and I don't think it ended up

saving money in the end the money was coming through in dribs and drabs. And so I had to buy it all at different times. This will be solved when there's a boat. It'll take longer to get out there, but... I can't not think it will be better. Oh. Oh, it's going to suck. Anyway, I'm going to try and

not think about how much it's going to suck. We've got the whole house to get packed up. Ah, the dread, the incredible dread. And it's not even like we can just leave the house a mess. We've got someone standing in this room and we've got people coming. We've got them standing in the house. I can gesture. The house is over there. Ah! No, it'll be good. Seriously, it'll be good. And then I arrive in Australia,

and then I think 10th and the 11th are the sold-out gigs in Adelaide. We're going to film them. And then all those other shows, we might get to film some of them too. And then I got all these sketches to film. I got the opening scene of a movie to film that we're trying to make money on. Brad's Glove! We might shoot the opening to brad's glove i got the music video to film it's going to be great it's going to be great it's going to be a busy time i've got an airbnb near some friends of ours the galashes and when we lived in adelaide we well if

you go back and listen to the podcast you'll hear we were living next to the galashes. And when we lived in Adelaide, we... Well, if you go back and listen to the podcast, you'll hear we were living next to the Galashes. And it was an unbelievably happy time. So even though getting an Airbnb there for a month was... I mean, we could have had just a normal Airbnb probably and flown more or less direct. But that is the sacrifice that i'm willing to put my wife and children through to live near the galashas and frankly my wife and children it's for my wife and me as much as it's for me and it is for me it's for them as well because the wife doesn't drive and we'll just get to walk over to the galashas home it'll be so beautiful and also

it's a big enough airbnb that we might be able to have. A 4th of July barbecue, won't that be absolutely something? Sipping on some Bud Heavy in the cold. Yes. Ah! Well, look, it's going to be good. I have to believe it's all going to be good. This is the James Donald Forsbuck and Catamaran

I don't remember how much I said at the start of this episode. This is me flying solo Forsbuck catamaran. I don't remember how much I said at the start of this episode. This is me flying solo. Last few episodes have been with the wonderful Eve. She's coming over today. I don't know how we're going to film any more episodes. They'll probably also look like this. And yes, I'm having some big existential thoughts about the podcast moving forward.

But my biggest thought is how well it's going, frankly. We're trying to buy a boat. That's the whole point. If you go back and you listen to other episodes of this podcast, I think you'll find it's about trying to buy a boat. $500,000 is the amount of money we're trying to get. I'm going to give you a brief cost breakdown of how I'm planning on paying for that boat. Step number one, add a thousand extra shows in Adelaide.

I mean, I don't know. We've got to. I don't know how much money I'll make off this tour. I don't know if we'll sell out. I'm being brought over by T.E.G. Dainty. It's my first proper tour. I've never done a proper tour. I've gone to a city and spent time there. But this is like a back-to-back-to-back tour

as a foreigner coming home. Topsy-turvy! Excuse me. There does remain something that makes me cough in this room, and I do feel like that should probably be addressed before someone stays in this room. The person who was staying in this room stayed for one night. And then the night that they moved in, they were like, oh, I'm flying to a different city tomorrow for five days. I was like, really? Have you got a ticket? And they said no.

And it sounded believable. I think it was fine the day they moved in. But I couldn't help but think, are you, did you take one look at our living situation and go, I'm getting out of here until you and your family leave for Australia? I mean, maybe that, I don't know, but I couldn't help but think that that's, if that was the reaction I'd had, that's what I'd do. And it's happened before. My friend Sean Conway in Perth, he flew over. I was living in Melbourne before I fled Melbourne.

Anyway, he came over to try and kill Tony, I think. And he showed up in our, we had a bed for him. And he showed up to our apartment. And we had a newborn at that point. And I remember he got there. And about 20 minutes later, he said, I'm gone. I've booked a hotel. The friendship did survive.

And I totally understand why he did it. It was a very sane, rational, he knew what he wanted and he went and got it. But it did make me feel embarrassed. Slovenliness is a form of inhospitality. It was a breakthrough that I had this week. As I sat in my car, which is starting to reek. And hopefully by the time this has come out, the car no longer reeks.

But the amount of debris and garbage and just food that my children insist on putting down the back of their seat. Anyway, the car started to get a bit stinky and I haven't gone out and cleaned it, one, because I don't want to, and two, it's so effing hot all the time, and the alternative is to go out and clean it at night, and then it's dark, and it's tricky to do. I just have to, like, brave it. I've got to do that, and I've got to mow the lawn, and it's so... Listen, I'm not a big let's do something about climate change guy.

That's not, I just don't, I don't think about climate change very often, but it's so hot here that if there is any remote chance we can bring that temperature down, I for one am in favor of destroying the economy. Hey, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh, oh, here's a thought I had this week. You know how apparently sea levels are rising and everyone's like, that's global warming. That's the ice caps melting. All right. I don't know if this is a real scientific theory or this is an

attempt at a bit, or this is something I say one time in a podcast and then I move on through. Sea levels rising, they say. Okay. But you you know when you get in a bath the water goes up right so how many boats are in the sea how many but how much infrastructure have we put into the sea how much extra stuff now is in the ocean and could that be making it go up like if we all of a sudden if we took all the boats and underwater cables and underwater bridges and submarines if we took everything out of the ocean would the sea level come back down to where it was before because it's not gone up very much i think it's gone up like a few centimetres, and we got so, I know the ocean's very big, we just got so many boats in the ocean, has anyone looked into that, all I'm asking is,

has anyone been looking into that, because maybe that's a factor, all right, and here's the other thing I thought about with the ice caps melting, when you freeze something it gets bigger right like water gets bigger when you freeze it so surely you know and most of the icebergs and ice caps are underwater so actually if they melted wouldn't that make the oceans more small know, like you get a beer and you pop it in the freezer and the bottle explodes, right? So I think it would also stand to reason that if you had an ice cube

at full freeze in the freezer and you took it out and let it melt, it would go down, right? Hello? Hello? I've never even heard anybody talk about these theories. Man, I am going to film some interviews when I'm in Australia and I was thinking of interesting people. Maybe I'll get a climate scientist on and they can help me with some of my theories. What will probably happen is they'll go, no, James, that's silly. And they'll explain

some ways in which I'm wrong. But wouldn't it be, man, can you imagine how good an episode of the James Donald Forbes catamaran plan that would be if I had my idea? And then they went, oh, I never thought of that. And then they make a call to science HQ and they said, there's too many boats in the water and ice melting should get smaller. What have we been doing? And then people just come out and they go, yeah, that's all nonsense. That's my hope.

There's a slim chance it will happen. Slim. I mean, I remember I was obsessed for a while with the concept of subterranean ear luxury, which is like when you go up in a plane or whatever, the pressure builds in your ears and your ears get uncomfortable. So my thought was if you went down, if you went subterranean, if you went deep, deep, deep, say underwater, would your ears get more comfortable than you could possibly imagine and then someone

who knew about diving told me about this thing called the bends and apparently that doesn't happen at all and it's very bad but still the subterranean maybe we just went down in a hole do we ever go down in a hole that far is there a hole as deep as planes go up? That's the sort of thing we'll be finding out here. Anyway, that's really all I wanted to say. I got everything done that I wanted to say

in the first couple of minutes. I'm doing a tour of Australia. I'm going back home. I'm not looking forward to the flight. And once again, those dates. Adelaide, 24th of July.

Perth, 25th of Julyuly 31st of july is brisbane august the 1st is in melbourne and august the 2nd is in sydney and maybe that's all we need to do to sell enough tickets to buy a boat it's not we would need to add extra shows and i don't know that i can because the shows are very tight adelaide so nice and easy to add extra shows and I don't know that I can because the shows are very tight Adelaide so nice and easy to add extra shows the other places I got flights in flights out I don't know that there's much I can do so get them tickets alright that's it

that's today's episode of the James Donald Forbes Catamaran plan thank you for listening really an old school sitting in a weird position having a panic attack type episode today. Will be interesting to see how it goes. I sat cross-legged for so long that my legs have gone numb.

It's time for me to end the podcast, but I don't want to get up and feel the pins and needles. So I guess I'll just keep talking for a minute. Hello! for a minute. Hello? I've ever had. Now with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant. Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails, I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help and bam, instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend,

I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no, that's what my grandma's on.

Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.