The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Interrupted Advice

Episode Date: May 24, 2025

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Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, you'll look, you'll find a way. Catamaran plan! Let's not beat around the bush. Let's start the advice podcast. This week's audio only advice podcast. I'm James Donald Forbes McCann. This is the James Donald Fools McCann catamaran plan. People have written to me on the Instagram and I have some advice to dole out. I haven't read any of these yet.

We're just going to be doing spontaneous advice on the fly for all my beloved listeners and people who want the advice. You know, if you're one of these people that's great. If you're not not maybe it applies to you too hmm I'm going on tour there's two dates on JDF McCann dot-com slash gigs but you can get there just from JDF McCann the conventional way I'm going on a big big tour I've just got back from to alright let's begin oh I will also say Wimble Dog is out now on the patreon if you join the patreon you can read Wimble Dog. Okay, number one, how can I be a comedian? How to stay motivated? Great question. How to stay motivated with comedy?

Don't do it for the money, because you'll never be motivated long enough to get money like you know, you could aspiring to make money is I can see that it's appealing but we're looking at oh unless you're really really good at social media we're looking at a 10-year run to having a big success and getting all the skills in place so I would say just just try and get a little better just try and get a little better every day say something that scares you on stage Every day, say something that scares you on stage. Something you're afraid to say, but not too scary, or the career will be over. Next one, help me aid new listeners of The Talking Heads

on where to start in the Discog to grab them. That one's actually sent by The Talking Heads of Drama. Well, new listeners, I mean, don't you just play them once in a lifetime? Don't you just show them the video of once in a lifetime and everybody has that beautiful experience? I think that whole album is pretty... I'm a Tumblr!

I'm a government man! Yeah, that's... I mean there's other obviously great talking head stuff. Kate Milhide can doing Psycho Kill, wonderful. But if I was to tell talking heads how to get talking heads listeners, I don't know, Fantasy by Mariah Carey featuring the old Dirty Bastard. And you say that's a cool beat isn't it? And they say it is a cool beat and you go you know that was people in talking heads who made that beat and they'll say who's talking head? And you'll say I'm a tumblr. This is not my beautiful house. Advice on love, get some. Advice on having a second kid. Someone

wants advice on having a second kid. I would say it's hard. It's very hard. But it's not so hard that you can't still do it at a very high level. Three, I found three a little easier. Three and a big move. Because you know you can't be as good and a little benign neglect starts creeping in. You know, I think when people have seven, you can't over-parent seven but with two you can still challenge yourself to over-parent. So you push yourself to the max. So my advice on a second kid is push through to the third and Then it will be so hard that you'll do a worse job and not worry about it And yes, you go. Oh, I'm doing a worse job because I have so many wouldn't be better to do a better job with fewer and

But I mean the added bonus is they get siblings so you maybe you're a worse parent But they're having maybe a better family. You ever think about that? I do. Advice on kissing well mirroring. As with good job interviews and improv comedy, I'd say yes and but certainly don't. I did once hear a woman I went to school with and I didn't remember her at school but people assured me we went to school together and we were talking at a party years after going to school. She said we went to school together

I was like I don't remember that and she went on a date with someone, a first date she was about to leave, I think she was going to London. She was on a first date with a boy and they had a little kiss at the end of the first date and he went in for the choke and she said I don't think I said anything to to get him to think I wanted the choke I said oh oh and she said it was so hot and you know even though that worked out for him and her I would recommend probably on a first kiss, not going for the choke. It's my friend, I'm Oz Gill calling. I'm just doing an advice podcast, Gilly. How are you?

I'm good. Is this for the air or? Yeah, this is this is for the air. This is for yes for a narrow cast. Well, I was just calling you about my movie idea maybe you could tell me if I should bother Continuing to write it. Would you like to have a movie idea with the listeners? What if we made a movie about the Luddites? Oh, yes, it's the smashing of the loom Smashing the loom now I'm trying to decide whether I write the movie about the actual Luddites and use it as an allegory for AI or just make some kind of hodgepodge John Connor Ted Kaczynski Unabomber type fiction.

No, I think you make it actually about the Luddites, but you make it totally with AI. You make a 100% AI generated movie about peasants smashing the loom. That would be my thought. So I get chat GPT to dig big up the Luddites you think? Absolutely do a glorification of the Luddites from chat GPT and maybe do it fully in the style of Hayao Miyazaki to really twist that knife. Okay thanks I'll get on that. I like it I like the thought now Let's seriously think about a serious light night loom movie. What do you call? loom scrolling loom doom

prophets of loom looming looming luminaries luminaries I'm going to destroy the loom. More literal title, you know, I do enjoy those. Yeah, that's what I was thinking. I was thinking about doing that. And then, you know, do you make it a comedy or do you just carry on doing what I always do?

A horror movie. Can we have a little word about the Crowboys and that disappointing loss? I don't think it was so bad. I think we're growing into the season. We lost to the probably the best team in the comp on their own deck. 10 points. We're all right. We hang in there, James. We need to. I've already booked my flights to Melbourne in September, so I can September so I cannot welcome this negativity. I have not done that yet. I don't really believe yet. If we make the grand final, I will I will figure something out. You know, I just go there anyway to do the corporate gig

circuit on grand final week. Oh, if you can get me into the breakfast, the grand final breakfast, that would be a real joy. It's always just me and then Dane Swan, maybe interchangeably with Robert Dippa Domenico for the older people in the room. Dippa Domenico. That listeners might like to

look up his fast to past experience. People need to look up Dippa Domenico. Dippa Domenico, he was, I believe, hospitalized in the 1989 grand Final. I forget what with. Broken ribs I think. Is that broken ribs? And Dermot had a shattered spleen. Every old footballer has this story about a punctured lung and broken ribs. I think they did have to go to hospital but the my favorite is the Dermott Bruton story where he goes He gets a lot of women on glass tables Your story about him. I didn't know that his teammates were underneath. I had that particular detail. No, it was that he

Come on come on no, it was when he shattered a man's testicle earlier in the season and then at the very start of the game he gets shirt-fronted and he gets taken off and the doctors look at him and they say well you better urinate and he he pisses blood at the very start of the game one of their best players he starts pissing blood and the doctor sees that and goes oh don't tell anybody about that get Get back out there. Anyway, I believe he'd ruptured a spleen and he was in real trouble. Yeah, and they love that they all guys, they just weave that into like, there'll be a player who gets substituted because

he's tired. He'll be like, I pissed blood. But then they'll also go, Oh, we've got to. I mean, a lot of them know enough guys because they get older with yeah they all got they all anything other than the head if it's the head they go oh boy because they all they're friends who can't be commentators now are just um you know trying to eat their soup with a fork that sort of behavior. All right well what are you doing are you just taking are you taking submissions from people online? I looked into the Instagram now I'm responding but

You can I give you a sad stat for people who want to buy a home yes, give us a sad step I Just saw this then this is a Little bit of data that we love to see it says the medium home buyer in 2007 was born in 1968. The median home buyer in 2024 was born in 1968. Ah, that's what the age of Aquarius really meant. Yeah. It was 1969.

Basically we live in a society now, which is if you didn't buy a home before 2020, sorry about it. Yeah. Well, I mean, I I'm having more success than I've ever had. And still the prospect of homeownership in Australia is about as far away as it was five years ago. Oh, yeah. It's like we have a world where guys that work in warehouses we have a world where guys that work in warehouses in the 1980s have a beach home and doctors our age are in a share house with seven Indian

heart. It breaks the heart. It breaks the heart. And and much like the the the Luddites, I think maybe there must be some sort of frenetic restitution to get the situation. Did I say what I've my Anika and I do on Sundays? Tell me what you do. We go to $30 million open house. Yeah, yes. And we dress up and then really criticize the property for being tacky. And then we go back to our studio apartment. But we

feel like we belonged in high society. It's very gray, isn't it? Not a lot of color. You just touch things and go, Wow, the builds really, it's really low quality, isn't it? And they'll say something like, we've got other properties. And you go, I don't think you do. Not for for me anyway. Not for me it's not even a lie. You're saying things that are true. Oh I don't like this at all. What that data? No just being able to say that just going into a phone call. Oh I don't like this at all. So I'm waiting in Durham. What's Durham? Durham North Carolina the, the hotel. And you know what just happened? I was my flight's not for five. My checkout is

obviously like midday. I was in my room until two. Ignoring the checkout time. The fire alarm went off and I forced to evacuate and I got downstairs and I was like, is there a fire and I said no, that was the only way to get you out. Is that true? What about knocking? Because it's empty. Everyone else has checked out.

And they're like, you are in your room. That's, I never heard of that before. That's humiliating. I remember now hold on. Wait, do you have time now? Then? What do you have? What are you doing right now? I'm about to I'm just packing up to go in the in the Uber. Oh, so you have no time to plug in and do a proper podcast. I was gonna say we could do that.

No, unfortunately not. But anyway, I was trying to get on to the the only reason I've been bothering you this whole time is that I'm dreaming about the Luddart movie. Lume movie. Yeah, but do you ask, it is probably better than telling the actual, let's not beat about it. I think, I think, I think.

Just tell them. Well, it gives you the opportunity for a beautiful period drama where people are dressed in lovely fabrics and there are weavers with their nimble little fingers and the children being sucked into the loom. The local chief loses his son to the loom. And how can we look back on the like blood I caught on is it so I

looked up there was a guy called Ned lad, who was a big fat man who broke the first machine. He sat on it, did he? What happened? He just picked it up and broke it like a sort of you know, the old classic simpletons like an old man guy. I never read of my but I think I understand he just picked it up and broke it like a sort of, you know, the old classic simpletons, like an old man guy. I never read of my but I think I understand he just smashed the loom. Ned break. They sent him they sent him. What's the guy's name from Game of Thrones? The big Robert Baratheon? No, the big old older.

Yeah. Oh my god. Robert Baratheon? No, the big oaf. Holder. Ned Ladd was like a hodor. Hold the door. There was a... Oh man, I've forgotten that. That was actually devastating. I've forgotten everything that happened in Game of Thrones. And sometimes a good thing will come back to me. It's just the ending was so bad. It's been purged from the memory. But I love how that story

is basically a bunch of extreme unions protecting their industry. And now a dad will go, I don't know how to open up this app. And you go, you can light it. We got one of the bravest men of his age. That man who doesn't know how to use the iPhone. Yeah, we've got it. We've got to start blowing up these servers. I've said it before. And I'll say it again. I've got to finish. I said that yesterday. I went I think you know, we're gonna do some terror about that. I you know, to present a life and someone just said, Yeah, it's called the Unabomber.

I mean, I was shocked at university how much and also in journalism. People just without irony, love Ted. They've read the manifesto. They think he was making some good points they said that I think it was a postman who had to die I don't think that postman deserved to die so I'm reading this book at the moment called think again and I didn't know this about Ted Gazinski he was he took part in a Harvard social science study in his freshman year and the experiment was they picked 12 students to come in and they said they were going to have a debate

about their core beliefs, a friendly debate about their core beliefs. And then Harvard picked their finest prosecutor and his job was to humiliate them. And then they would study the fallout of how they took to being completely character assassinated and have all their beliefs smashed. That's what the study showed.

And some people enjoyed it. Some people felt damaged, but the man who said he was most harmed later turned out to be Ted Kaczynski. Has anyone made the Ted Kaczynski movie? That's what I was starting to think. Nevermind the Luddarts, how about Ted? Well, they made Ted Ted but it was a Teddy Bear movie. I think we bring out Ted. Seth MacFarlane the first one to get a special letter in the mail. No we mustn't say that. Ted 3.

And by special letter in the mail I genuinely just mean congratulations for all his wonderful work. I love Seth MacFarlane. What an absolute luminary. I just think it's so much cuter if there's a movie about a man who wants to bomb buildings and it's a cartoon teddy. Well what if the movie is the looms gain sentience and then they start killing the peasants, you know, and there's this spitting out thread and an alarming speed. These walking, talking loom people. Yeah. All right. Loomatix. Goodbye.

Goodbye. Alright, goodbye. How do you get in the habit of reading books? You just, you read them. Read ones that you like and then read ones that naturally flow from that. If you just go, I'm going to read a big book and then you start reading it and you hate it then you stop reading it. So really just, you don't get read. I would say whenever I have had a big break from reading and I want to get back into it I

Know shame in going a little lowest common denominator start start that part of the brain firing off again How to make you do a show in Canada make me more successful in Canada At the moment I have fans in Toronto But if you would help get me more fans elsewhere that I could sell out a show that would be very useful I'd love to go to Canada Advice on anything love your comedy. I'm sure any show will be great that you're a part of I don't understand it That's how do I keep my creative in a child from being brutally decapitated? Whoa

How do I keep my creative in a child from being brutally decapitated well How do I keep my creative inner child from being brutally decapitated? Well, life gets in the way and find a way that you can make a living. This is the only advice that I know how to give. If you can, it's hard. Some people have, you know, an inner child and have, I don't, I don't like that language, excuse me, but maybe a creative impetus and an originality that it's just, it's going to be impossible to make money from. And then, you know, you just set time aside for your hobby. But, uh, I,

like I quite enjoyed academia when I was at university. And then when you're out of university and you have to have a real job or whatever, it's quite hard to participate in you know Going back to the people on how they keep reading just like being involved in in that level of Thought and analysis and staying on one topic for a long time if you don't have eight hours a day I've just nothing but reading and thinking and talking about it and lectures and whatever So if you become an academic, if that's your job, if you are a professor at a university, you get to keep doing that. See if

you can find a job that is the thing you want to do and it won't quite be a creative child by the end of that process. It'll be a sort of an inner teenager. But yeah, it's better than nothing what's your opinion on beans love them new dad here advice on being a father Keep your marriage strong Had a bingus the bungus appropriately. Well, you got a bump to the bomb to bomb to bomb bump how to keep sex exciting Man, I don't know how you could have sex become unexciting. I don't think I've ever had a boring route. I've always been so happy to be there. Maybe get rid of the ego. The ways one can smile through the pain, it's called grimacing. the pain it's called grimacing. Grimacing. All right, what is the culture? I would say grimace. The culture behind the creation. All right, now I'll go back. How do you smile

through the pain? You've just got to be existing on a higher plane whereby. You know, because sometimes the lowest most, you know, cleaning up the house can be too much. But if you feel really motivated by the horror of having an untidy house, then suddenly the pain of having to clean up the house is diminished because you have a bigger fear that you're running away from. So I would say, you know, much like major pain, where it snaps people's fingers, so they stop thinking about the first thing. If you are in psychic hell that might make you a new fresh bigger more expansive psychic hell then when these little small things are happening to you by comparison might be easy to smile through the

pain. The culture behind the creation of stupid American. Are we globally really that stupid? Yeah, by the metrics of the world. Yeah, by the metrics of America. Here's what I would, I think a lot of the world is world focused. They're interested in the whole world. And America is a very, very big country. A very diverse country. You know, people know a lot about America. People know America in more detail than people outside of America. Like Americans know America in greater detail than citizens of the world seem to know the world.

I mean college football alone gets you to know about Bolden Green and College Station and Oregon you know and all these like it's a huge constellation of small towns. I mean I was reading about Wichita. I've never been to Wichita. I hope to go to Wichita. Americans just know about Wichita. I know like a bunch of facts about beyond just I'm going to Wichita. They know about it. They know people from there. They know things that have happened there. There's you know, it's half a million people live in Wichita. It's very normal that people would know that or have been on a big road trip there. know what I mean? Like I find Americans are very, I'm just, this is just geographical intelligence, but Americans tend to be very, uh, if the world is worldly, the Americans are Americanly and people from outside America wouldn't have a clue about bold and green.

I wouldn't know that it's where fruit of the loom started. They wouldn't know about which time that's where pizza hut and white castle are from. Can you believe it? So I just mean to say, I don't know. You got better. You globally that stupid? Uh, yeah, I mean, the world takes great delight and go, I'm just, it's more

than geography. I'm sorry that I've just answered with that but that's when when when we in the world think stupid American we think some like British dickhead going around the you know sixth Street in Austin or something and putting a microphone in people's places and going can you point the Lebanon on a map? And the Americans invariably go like I don't know where Lebanon is. Who dares to write to me? Oh, it's Amos again. He can't stop. And he sent me a book he's reading on the Industrial Revolution. Well, of course. All right, let's power through. Let's

pass through some of these. Sam Harris, I need some advice on his ideas. He just seems honestly, like a boring guy. I would love to have opinions on Sam Harrison had a consider Sam Harris, but he's too. Just seems like a really boring guy. Maybe I'm wrong about that. But you know, it's like that Andrew Tate, what do'm wrong about that. But you know, it's like Andrew Tate, what do you think about Andrew Tate? I think he talks like someone who would get made fun of in high school. And I'm sure there's more to say about him and whatever proclivities and alleged crimes and nuggets of good advice who I don't know

I just there are seven eight whatever billion people in the world and yeah I'm gonna think if someone is a writer or a thinker or a talker I'd like them to have some charisma and those two men I don't think that I don't personally find them to be very charismatic. I mean, I would just keep going back this. Are you that stupid? No, you're not. Don't worry about it. I mean, there's like a I found when I was in England, it really reminded me of when I was in Australia. And so they just use those as an example. People are very cynical.

It's a cynical culture. When I'm talking to someone in Britain, it's like they're it can sometimes feel like they're looking for an excuse to dismiss me like they're digging through things I believe and things about me and what I'm wearing and where I'm going and my station in life and whatever. And to be able to go, ah, I don't have to listen to you. I don't have to open up to you so that you can hurt me. I don't have to pay attention. I don't have to give you credence. That's the term I'm looking for because of this and they can dismiss you. And that sort of makes a person feel sophisticated, elevated. I find the opposite in America, where overall people,

if there's a point of disagreement or something they don't understand, that they're often very interested in it. And they want to find out more about that and really argue the point. They love arguing and debate and discussion. And I think from a global, you know, from from the point they love arguing and debate and discussion. And I think from a global, you know, from from the point of view of other cultures that can make people seem a bit gormless or like they don't know what fights are worth having, or they don't know what can and can't be done with conversation. But I, I think the American way of doing that is better. I don't think it's stupid. I think it's open and friendlier. And you know, like, I just don't make this bad British comedians. It's too hard to compare it with

the whole world. But British comedians will often on stage try to seem smarter than they really are. And American comedians will, I want to say seem dumber than they are, but they will talk in such a way that the dumbest people in the room or the people with the smallest vocabulary or whatever that they can come along for the journey. And you could say that that was like, you know, putting an undue focus on relatability of being a bit more aspirational, it's a bit more lowest common denominator and no one ever went broke by underestimating the intelligence of the American people is

a quote that I think of quite often. But I think there's a beautiful egalitarian component to that as well, where the Americans really do believe that difficult and sophisticated ideas can be taken on by any of us with a rational soul and that maybe then a distrust of the hoity-toity I think it's a mistake to associate being hoity-toity with being smart. Alright, it's been maybe too long on that one. Advice on Boston. I've only been there once. It was a real nice how to fool a fooler By keeping it real How to deal with the current dating app scene. I've got no idea I've got nothing for you on that. I'm not on it advice on comedy Get out while you still can next one being in your late 20s, having moved somewhere alone, being patient with life and social.

Yeah. Hang in there. Next one, I don't want any advice on which footy team to follow. Yeah, well, I still think everybody should be a crows supporter. But obviously, that was difficult last ago, I've been seeing attempted suicide three weeks ago and has told me to kill myself. Well, uh, did she have such a good time of it that she wants to, uh, I don't know, don't commit suicide and if she is... Yeah, I don't know enough about that one.

Sounds like a difficult situation. Seek help, seek real help, but also don't kill yourself. And I would tenderly encourage her not to commit suicide either. I, on a moral grounds, disapprove of suicide. How to get along with one's gay spouse. So many questions. Are you gay? Are they gay?

What do you mean by gay? Butch it up a little. There we go. How to become, how to be more beta like the fish. Beta fish. What's a beta fish? This isn't something disgusting. There's betta fish, betta fish. Oh, I'm just looking up the first thing that comes up on betta fish is the Siamese

fighting fish was known as the better. Wow, they're big and strong and they fight. Man. Siamese fighting fish! I love it, they're threatened because they keep fighting. Siamese, one of my favorite, one of my favorite adjectives. In the behavior and intelligence, a man attacking and flaring at his reflection in a mirror so not that smart then but they've got complex social systems they've got kill covers ah look i won't go on about this because here we go uh aggression has made the objects of gambling two male fish are pitted against each other to fight with bets placed on which one will win well what did you have to kill oh oh the fight continues until one participant is

submissive or tries to retreat or one of both fish may die. Although they really intend to fight to the death. Hello. That's all right. I'm doing the podcast. Have you any interest in I'm reading about Siamese fighting fish? My wife has entered the room, but I'm doing it. I'm doing one of the advice podcasts Amos called and that was a big chat. He seems well he wants to make a movie about the loom. Oh, come on. About people who tried to smash the loom. I'm going to objectify. Not on the podcast later. You look great.

My pod is about trying to collect a piece of space trash. How to leverage pod for a goal. I don't know, man. That one seems tricky. Space trash? Yeah, I mean a boat, I feel that's something that's fairly straightforward to do.

To get space trash, do you need a space vehicle? That seems genuinely what you're describing seems hard I guess if it's Do you have to collect the space trash from from space or could you talk to a space agency and get some of their trash? You know space or could you talk to a space agency and get some of their trash you know like could you could you call NASA and say you got any stuff that's been in space lying around but how to leverage the pod for gold just repeatedly let people know that your podcast is about collecting space trash just as I let people know that this podcast is about me buying a $500,000 minimum boat and that they can contribute to that and get a new page of Wimble Dog by joining

the Patreon. Wimble Dog's really coming along many new people have joined the Patreon I think they're enjoying Wimble Dog. Honey? No I just wanted to bring you back in. How's Rubes? She's here. people like finally getting to see and enjoy the movie. How's Rubes? She's here. She's here? She's sad. She's sad. Of course she's going. Uh, how to gain financial literacy and some deep book recommendations. Deep books? What's a deep book? Like a book that is deep? I wouldn't have a clue. I don't think I've ever enjoyed a deep book. I've enjoyed books that people say are deep. Crime and Punishment. It's a ripper. But it read like a romp to me. I didn't have to suffer through it. Well, I'll say C and P. C and P.

And it's an unfortunate catamaran plan, that's what I was saying. Had to gain some financial literacy. I don't know. I'm really bad at it. We've got to cancel our chaos subscription. Um, we've got to cancel our chaos subscription. Ah, yes, we have one. Lol. How to flirt with women using humor. That's someone wants advice on that. Hey, honey.

Uh, uh, what the chicken crossed the road. Yeah. Where'd the chicken cross the road? So I can have sex with you. Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. How to flirt with women using humor. I don't find, I didn't find when I was dating that humor was a particularly useful tool for flirting. I don't think I said anything funny to you when we've... I took you to... you came to my musical that I had written that was funny,

but you didn't know I was funny when you saw me. You just thought I was attractive, right? You hadn't heard me talk when you picked me out. That's true. But I was funny when you saw me agree you just thought I was attractive right you hadn't heard me talk when you picked me out you were were you fine what did you say oh you remember your use of humor what did you say to me oh you remember that you are hilarious well how to flirt with women using humor, I'd say don't, I'd say get, get hot. You know, look good. Getting engaged and how to propose like a good Catholic. Yeah, you just ask and you hope they say yes. I'm sorry, I wish there was more to it than that. Try and make it a nice experience. But it can be hard to get that right. I'd like

advice on how best to give advice please. Yeah, take a phone call from your friend for eight minutes at the start so you get loosey goosey. Taking risks in life in order to make life changes in terms of work let's say. I don't know. I have a very high threshold for risk in terms of the suffering that I'm willing to subject myself and my family to, you know, like moving or working in a field where there may or may not be money offered up to God, it's all going to be okay. How to make roast potatoes, you take them potatoes and you roast them. How to reignite the emu war, get together with a couple of good old boys, some shoddies and a ute, and you go out in the scrub and you get it done. How to reconnect with my faith and God after leaving formal religion for seven years.

Show up at Mass and meet some people. Look to your left, look to your right. If you wish to know God, you have the means to do it. I've been watching the Young Pope, maybe also watch the Young Pope. That's the line from the Young Pope. How to talk to girls at the traditional Latin mass. I really don't know how to interject. Thanks, James. Yeah. You know, I've seen that done badly more

than I've seen it done well at mass. You know, men going, I'm interested in that woman. I'm gonna talk to that woman. So I don't know how to interject. I would say just like hang out, be a part of the community. Don't don't headhunt and make women feel uncomfortable. But this I genuinely think this is the way to talk to a lot if a woman is talking to you. Just enjoy talking to her. Actually talk to

her like a human being. And you don't need to like come up with an excuse. You know, you'll get talking, it just happens. You're doing something with somebody, there's a bake sale, you're moving chairs around, it's organizing, you're in a group. Just like ask questions and be normal and yeah women don't you don't don't want to be hit on indiscriminately at mass and it happens all the time so I would but I never had to hit on a woman at mass but if I was to do it let me think about how I would do it. Just you know let it develop. How to interject.

How to interject? Interject is a funny word to use there. How about how to rebut? What greyhound is the best for doing crystal meth in the bathroom of? I'd definitely say bus rather than dog. My apartment is making me update my car inspection. I'm going to burn the leasing office. I understand your frustration. I hope you don't get in trouble. You probably should do that, but sometimes, much like the men who

built the loomom sometimes people do need to be total listen but I don't think in that case that is necessary you're at their mercy suffer suffer gladly looking for a new career and I am scared to pursue my creativity as a job you should be be. It's hard. And even if you're great, maybe you're not great in a way that will make money. That said, I hope that fear spurs you on to work incredibly hard. How do I make my horse not stop have it keep going. Do you want to Ruby what I mean, I did want to do this so that I could get more woman listeners.

I've got quite a lot of these to go. Oh, that's why you're doing advice? That's why I'm doing advice. That'll be my podcast for the week, so I'm just going through the Instagram. Do you think Ruby would want to do it as well? Maybe, I can ask her if she's just having a tender moment with one of our children. Oh, she's saying goodbye to the kids. I'll let her do that. She doesn't need to be on the podcast. Okay, how do I make my horse not stop? Make sure it keeps going. We're going to just do a speed round because there's so many. And if this podcast goes for more than an hour, I can't imagine people would continue listening. What should I be worrying

about? I know I should worry but I don't want it misplaced. Worry not. Do not worry. I think that's a biblical commandment. A hangover cure, another beer. Traveling to other countries? Just take carry on. If you're going on a flight, pack light. Buy clothes at a thrift store when you get there and feel like one of the locals and then you can come back and say, Oh, this hat, I got this hat from Raleigh advice on hope. Practice, practice, practice. What are the acceptable reasons for not wearing underwear in public? You don't have to wear

underwear in public Yeah, if you're wearing you know, you don't have to What are the acceptable reasons for doing I don't I mean I always wear underwear because I'd like to be I'm I'm heavy bounded. I'm hung low. I Pull my dick out this whole room get dark. That's Bernie Mac. And obviously that wouldn't happen For me, but yeah, I enjoy the feeling. I don't feel like loose and free and easy with that underpants on. I feel, you know, like a big milky mama with no support. Gosh, when you're here, I'm a dirtier, nastier person on the podcast. Yeah, if people can't see that you're not wearing underwear, I think it's acceptable

not to wear underwear. And if you're a man or a woman in a short skirt or a kilt, I'd, you know, although the kilt culturally, you're not meant to wear underwear, are you? So there we go. Advice on interior design, let your wife handle it and be kind and supportive and try and have a conversation even though your ideas will be bad. How do I convince my buddy 18 that dating a teacher who works at school 20 is weird? I don't know it was fine in the 1970s. What? Why are you looking at me like that?

How do I differentiate between emotional loyalty and personal stagnation? Whether or not it gives you energy. When your friends make fun of you for going to church and having faith carry your cross advice on hiding a body uh you there are certain uh acids i think niqab oh hiding a body not a dead body just hiding a body honey you add beautiful things to the podcast. People love having you around. Hey, honey, is it feasible or worth it to begin a two to three year degree at 35 years old just to obtain a $40,000 a year career? Depends on how much you love it. If you love it, then that's fine. If you hate it, then absolutely not. Navigating Catholic guilt, go to confession, have some joy.

Law graduate with no desire to ever think about law again, looked into working into other fields, but feel lost. I don't know what to tell you. I loved my time in the law. I love listening to Supreme court podcasts. I think about I left my law degree and I think about the law all the time. So I don't know what it would be. I mean maybe think about why you got into it in the first place or find something you do like to do. Also I bet you it's such a big weird field is the law. I bet you can find something in that that does make you happy even if that's you know if you work in government, work in activism, work in it's, you know, do you work in government work in activism, working? Maybe just think more? Yeah. I decided to think about

the war again. I mean, I think there's, I think a lot of people, a lot of people who graduate with a law degree end up getting work where they don't actually have to think about the mechanics of the law, they just whether you're thinking about people at that point, or They just, whether you're thinking about people at that point or things or, you know, power politics. I don't think it's actually about the law as much. So maybe see if there's a way you can talk to some lawyers,

talk to some people who have law degrees and find it. I mean, it's good, you get more money if you finish that law degree. But I bet you somewhere out there, there's a job that involves having a law degree that you would enjoy doing. I'd look for it. How do you pray with your spouse? We sometimes do a rosary together. How do I know when... it's quite... it's... that's a good place to start because it's rote, you know, you just start saying it and then you get to the end. We did a novena

over Easter, the end of Lent, because it can be quite uncomfortable, you know, actually doing that extemporaneous free verse type prayer with someone else in the room. But if you're both just saying the words that are in front of you and counting the beads, then I find that's helpful. How do I know when I found my passion? Is passion even real? Ah they write with many H's yes and you'll know when you know. Advice with alcoholism? Do you really have it? Maybe you don't. Being in love with two different girls... you can be in love with 10, 15, 20 girls. You know? You love... I am in love with the sunset. What are you talking about? Love with the trees. What are you talking about?

Love with the trees. I have to get married to a tree and put my penis inside of it. Just, you know, the heart, love, enjoy. Have some emotional chastity about the feelings that are due to a spouse. What would you like to give advice on? I like that one about putting your penis inside a tree. Advice on alien abduction? I don't have any. I've never had that happen to me. I don't know if that's possible.

I'm spending too much money on Warhammer 40k. Brother, I've got a little bit of money for the first time. I'm like paying for my bills for the first time in my life and it won't last. And there's a lot of things I can't afford to have done. It's like medical things and card doors, whatever. I don't like I'm just trying to say this, like I used to really sweat all the time, all the time, all the time about money. And now I sweat sometimes about money. And even with that, I was thinking, wouldn't it be nice to more? Finally, I'll get into the 40K as an adult. Go cold turkey. Don't do it.

Put childish things away. Advice on life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. Living in America. Seriously, live in America if you want to do those things. And I think the joy of life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness is not really anyone's place to give you advice on it. It's your pursuit. It's your liberty. It's your life. I'm not gonna, you got to figure that out for yourself. Existential dread and consumerism. It's a closed circle. One helps the other. Just try and enjoy that wild, wild ride. Growing up without children, I'm happy with the cool uncle role. Good for you. I mean, I didn't even get to grow into my 30s with our children, so I couldn't possibly give you advice on your situation, but if you're happy, well done. How does one obtain the confidence to consistently get shit haircuts

and make it seem intentional? Seems like a dig. Tips for long flights, embrace the boredom. Yeah, we're going to power through because we're getting to the... Woo! We've done so many. How to sail a boat in Texas Lake. I've never done it.

Getting out of a slump. Shake things up. Lack of free time as father with a full-time job. Tell me about it. How to use a nice vocabulary without being a dick in a time when everyone loves being retarded Yeah Just if people go what does that mean? You can just politely explain it to them and often people are quite happy to have a new Word so there you go. I'm shitting at work. Any advice?

Yeah, just push it out brother. Leaving wives and children for Latina strippers, Cubans specifically. Obviously everybody understands the appeal, but I think that's probably a mistake. Being 23 it's fucking shite. I don't know man I enjoyed being 23 you might be disturbed to find out that it does get worse. Do your knees still work? One day they won't. Go do something with your knees to really enjoy the feeling of 23-dom. How to cope with moving to a different country always been hard transitions back and forth. Oh man, I mean yeah, it's brutal. Throw yourself into it. Try and understand the football in a new place.

Advice for comics on building their audience. My audience growth. Ken Amaran-Ho! Do an advice podcast. No, I don't. I genuinely... building their audience. How to build the audience? How am I building the audience? Well, yeah, I think about it. Trying to get people value. I mean, I'm worried that I'm not growing the podcast properly. I'm not building the audience.

The Instagram's bon up. The Instagram's doing really well, but that's just the algorithm. That's just me putting up the work that I do. But in terms of like having an ongoing relationship with my particular cult audience, I eat you, you who have listened to this podcast for just about 50 minutes. You! I mean, I try and treat you with dignity and respect, but in terms of how to get more of those, more people like you. Well, here's my idea is just beg them to tell someone about it. Hey, I'm talking to you. Please.

Oh yes, I agree to do this phone call today. Hold on. The phone call has been accomplished. It's somewhat later in the day. I've dropped my daughter. Well, I've dropped my daughter and my friend Ruby off at a class for my daughter. Ruby will be getting back into the car at some point. I have to fix the front seat. The back door handles have both snapped off the Sienna. So now, you know, when people come to the car everybody has to climb through the front passenger seat all the way to the third row. Anyway, Ruby will

come and we'll continue giving advice. It was a good call by the way, the one that I just finished, it was a fine call and I'm glad that I took it, excuse me, organizing the cables back in the automobile where the podcast belongs. All right, I'll open this back up and we'll start doing the advice again.

And I, gosh, it's a lot of, it's quite a number of intrusions under the podcast today. All welcome. All very welcome intrusions indeed. Here we go. I'm bored. It ordered it all. Uh, how do you live in a world where McDonald's only gives you a half a slice

of cheese on a fillet of fish? I made a thing about it. Do you want to do you want to set that chair up properly? You might want to do it from outside the car Otherwise you won't you'll have to climb over it again. I'm sorry Comedy yeah, I'm sorry Ruby's just smacked her head on the sienna. What Australian snacks should I try it when I get there? I'd go a pie floater. I'd go a Tim Tam. I got meat pie go saucy roll as Ruby struggles, struggling even now. Wow, very relaxed type of setup there. You can pull that back forward. And we're doing an advice

podcast with Ruby Setnik now. Okay, the next way How do I become your opener when you come to Canada first I need to do a gig in Canada second I need to still not have booked an opener and you need to be really great become great Here we go. It were how do you break up with an insecure toxic person that is bipolar? It's literally the next one. Ruby. Super quickly. Don't drag that one out.

Can rock make a god so big he can't lift it? No. Black girls. I can't read it again. Can god make a rock so big that he can't lift it? No. Why? God is not a riddle like that.

He's a mystery. God, you know, it's ridiculous. The difference between a riddle and a mystery is what? The difference between a riddle and a mystery? A mystery maybe has an answer that we... Well, a religious mystery has an answer that we can't know in this life, but that we can get closer to and enjoy. And a riddle is, you know...

Tricks are for whores. Such distinct riddle. I loathe riddles. We've never discussed how much I hate riddles. I know you do. I hate them. What has teeth? I always think there's another answer for that though.

You know, when people are like, what has teeth and isn't awake by Sunday? You know, whatever, it's like Cliff. He's in a coma, but his teeth are still there. That one's really bad. Like a Russian novel. Now you've got to talk into the microphone as you answer Asian girls or black girls. That one's not for me.

That one's definitely for me. Whichever, whichever, whichever. Well there's a song by a guy in my hometown who's communicated songs, and one of his greatest songs. He had so many good songs, Kickin' the Shit Outta People, Jerry Massey, that was one of them. On the Rags was another one. But, uh, one of my favorite songs he had was Heaven is a White Girl with a Black Girl's Ass. And Ruby shakes her head, she doesn't like that at all it's a great song let's play some of it now are you I think he'll enjoy having this no it's it's

it's genuinely it's well he might have been it might not be under Jerry Massey it might be under a mad dog, because that was his character's name. That's how he got away with singing such disgusting things. It was, I'd be devastated if I couldn't find it. Mad Dog Heaven, what about Jerry Heaven? Oh, the listeners can't wait. The listeners. How do you spell heaven?

H E A V E N. Heaven is a white girl with a black girl's ass. And I know, I know, I know it might have been taken off oh might have been taken off might have been too hateful all right well there's just had first kid how to support my wife being a good husband with a kid changing things now Ruby say it again let me read it say it again first kid how to support my wife being a good husband with a kid changing through things now. Um, well first you should learn how to write and then,

and then you should rewrite what you said because I have no idea what you're asking. He just had his first kid. You just had your first kid. So you have to learn, you have to learn how to write so you can teach your kid how to write. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, we'll just be nice to her. I think. Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, And that's how you could do it. How do I stop interrupting people? I don't know. Uh, let's see a good one. Oh, oh.

How to deal with a co-worker who tells you too much about her personal life. I wouldn't know about that. Well, we work with comedians all the time who might go on a little, you know, I don't want to necessarily hear about every graphic detail of your suicide attempt Yesterday The club has brought in psychiatrists. We get free psychiatric help now Are you gonna take advantage of that? Tae wants me to

Anti-therapy as you are anti riddles. I just hate Really, I always feel like there's a better, you know, you can't see me, yet I'm there when it moves. What am I? I am as, I'm as light as air but I can move trees what am I? I'm always moving forward. I'm never going back I

Kill everybody in the end time. It was a train that people are tied to I hate riddles. You also hate therapy. I distrust therapy. Do you think that therapy in a way is a riddle? I think therapy... I just know so many people... I know very few people who I consider to have been helped by therapy.

And I know some people. I wish I had my own, I hate this. James has a single microphone that he's sort of interview style passing on to me in such a way that I have to have something to say when he decides I need to say something, but there's no planned dialogue. How do you get yourself out of a rut in life? Move across the country.

That's what so many people are asking me about kissing. Yes, several people have asked advice on kissing. I don't know. I know this one's a very buff dude. But my first one was that, I already said this on the podcast like half an hour ago, but there was a lady I went to school with who I didn't know at school. Anyway, she went on a first date with a guy and they kissed at the end of the date and he went in for the choke.

Yeah. And she told me that and I was like, what do you mean he went in for the choke? That's terrible. She was like, no, it was hot. She loved it. And I was like, that's such a bad present thank you that was my reaction as well build up to the choke that's Ruby Sitniks how do I make you a show in Canada lots of Canada ones and I keep my creative inner child from being I did that one oh we might be we might now be

onto ones I've already done now they've jumbled now that I've opened it ah Bugga they're all over the place now How to move to a new country or even within a country a great one from Ruby Ruby Would you like to talk about what you're doing at the moment and how my children feel about it? I'm moving back home and James's children feel abandoned by me Quick and concise. What is this person doing? What is this person doing? What is this person doing?

I think he's upset that you might be in his way. Well, I'm allowed to be barked here. I don't think you are. No. You were parked in the bike path. How to stop apologizing for everything slash feeling that everything is my fault. How do you do that? I have not stopped. I have not stopped. I have not stopped. I don't know. I don't know meditate. I guess you could go to therapy or

You don't apologize for everything James you live on it unapologetically How do you do it? Yeah more than I do because I'm more of like a Sempernene woman about everything well Ha I feel like I apologize for everything. I feel very apologetic Australians apologize a lot my friend Amos went back to Australia. He found something very strange. He was uh You know he's in the airport and someone said I'm excuse me mate. I'm so sorry Can I ask you for a huge favor? Can you move your bag slightly to the left? That's how we, with so, and in America they have that beautiful attitude of, well I wanted to do that, this meal, no but I said medium rare.

Okay, so you take this back, you cook it again. I really want to tell a story about, I'm not allowed to talk about it. Do it. What? My mom. You can, she was just on from across the room. She was telling me that... She was like, I embarrassed myself so badly, and then she told me a story of how she complimented a woman that she knows.

And that was the whole story. As a New Zealander, that's huge! She was like, oh, I'm so embarrassed. Why did she... Can we go into detail? We don't want to go into detail. Alright, let's have one more to close it out out because I've done an hour and that's pretty good You come here on the end. I'm sorry you've done great. You're closing it out But you know it's very hard to tell

Starting comedy, I'm 30, and I just feel this pull towards doing stand-up, but am I too late? I'm 30 is not'm 30 is not old. 30 is not old. Many people, I started really young and I'm lucky for it but it's nice also to start later because the benefit to having lived a life is that you have something to talk about and you know who you are and that's essential

for being a comedian. I say these people who start early, they have more time on you but you'll probably pick it up faster. You know, a lot of people, I started 17 and I fell from 17 to 21. I probably moved way backwards. Yeah, I wasted my first two years.

Definitely wasted, just being a freaking weirdo about it, because I was a child. And it's going to take probably 10 years to, people say 10 years, but certainly five, minimum five to be okay. So by the time, what, you'll be 40 and you'll be doing it well. And that's the time that people get good at it.

That's the time you have your career as a comedian. It's cheesy to say, but the time passes either way. So you might as well be a comedian in the mean. Or as James- Wow! As James would say, the train passes either way. You should go to see a psychiatrist. I don't want to see a psychiatrist. You should go to see a psychiatrist. I don't want to see a psychiatrist.

I probably need to see a psychiatrist. You go to see the psychiatrist and he's like, What has five fingers abused you? Camera out of the hole everybody, that's the podcast.