The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Marlon Brando 9/11

Episode Date: June 26, 2022

if you enjoy this podcast and wish to have a bonus episode each week you listen to said bonus episode here: www.patreon.com/jdfmccannI’m on that pre 9/11Break free 9/11Exclusively skinny women on tv 9/11Ronald McDonald and carefree 9/11Encyclopaedia Brittanica on CD 9/11They killed 2 Pac, he didn’t see 9/11They killed Biggie Smalls, he didn’t see 9/11Marlon Brando 9/11Marlon Brando 9/11Marlon Brando 9/11Marlon Brando 9/11Way before 9/11No more 9/11Stay bright and tight and baby you ignore 9/11Jerry Maguire VHSs in the store 9/11The US can still effectively wage war 9/11Some people are 9/10Some people are 9/11Michael Jordan 9/10Denis Rodman 9/11Running around like some teeny bopper somewhere for someone else’s money 9/10A sleeping bag and a motorcycle and ten or fifteen girls 9/11Rick Flair checking his Rolex in a limousine 9/11Woo!Rick Flair in a private jet drinking Champaign with a prostitute 9/11Woo!Kid Cudi 9/11Jay Z 9/10Kendrick Lamar, he wants you to think he’s 9/11 but I have my doubtsKanye West 9/12Final Fantasy 7 9/11Final Fantasy 9 9/10Van Gough 9/11Dali 9/11Picasso 9/10Mozart 9/10Vivaldi 9/11Ravel 9/11Mel Gibson, hard to say.A Burger King/Hungry Jacks that looks like a dystopian Soviet office block 9/11A Burger King/Hungry Jacks that looks like a diner from the 1950s with a jukebox and pictures of Elvis Presley on the walls 9/10Now I’m on that post 9/10That airport unpleasantnessI wish it was 9/10 againI have those 9/10 fetishes Watching Friends on a loop 24/7Marlon BrandoMarlon BrandoMarlon Brando 9/11 Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.com. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! Hi.

Hello. Have you seen James recently? Not recently. No. Not since he got the novel coronavirus. Well, well, well, well. What's up? Well, ever since he got the novel coronavirus, he well well what's up well ever since he

got the novel coronavirus he has been how shall i say this wait here he comes this is one of my new poems. I'm on that pre-9-11. Break free 9-11. Exclusively skinny women on TV 9-11. Ronald McDonald and carefree 9-11. Encyclopedia Britannica on CD 9-11. They killed Tupac. He didn't see 9-11, 9-11, 9-11. They killed Tupac. He didn't see 9-11.

9-11. They killed Biggie Smalls. He didn't see 9-11. Marlon Brando, 9-11. Marlon Brando, 9-11. Marlon Brando, 9-11. Marlon Brando, 9-11. Way before 9-11. No more 9-11 Marlon Brando 9-11 Way before 9-11 No more 9-11

Say Brighton Titan baby you just ignore 9-11 Jerry Maguire VHS is in the store 9-11 The US can still effectively wage war 9-11 Some people are 9-10 Some people are 9-11 Michael Jordan 9-10. Some people are 9-11. Michael Jordan, 9-10. Dennis Rodman, 9-11.

Running around like some teeny bopper somewhere for someone else's money? 9-10. A sleeping bag and a motorcycle and 10 or 15 girls? 9-11. Ric Flair checking his Rolex in a limousine. 9-11. Woo! Ric Flair in a private jet drinking champagne with a prostitute.

9-11. Woo! Kid Cudi 9-11. Jay-Z 9-10. Kendrick Lamar. He wants you to think he's 9-11, but I have my doubts. Kanye West 9-12. Final Fantasy 7. 9-11, but I have my doubts. Kanye West, 9-12. Final Fantasy VII, 9-11. Final Fantasy IX,

9-10. Van Gogh, 9-11. Dali, 9-11. Picasso, 9-10. Mozart, 9-10. Vivaldi, 911. Reveal, 911. Mel Gibson! Hard to say. A Burger King slash Hungry Jacks that looks like a dystopian Soviet office block. 911! A Burger King slash Hungry Jacks that looks like a diner from the 1950s

With a jukebox and pictures of Elvis Presley on the walls 9-10 Now I'm on that post-9-10 That airport unpleasantness I wish it was 9-10 again I have those 9-10 fetishes Watching Friends on a Loop 24-7. Marlon Brando. Marlon Brando.

Marlon Brando. 9-11. Thank you. James, I am concerned that this podcast is supposed to be about the quest to own a boat. I remember. I remember like it was only about

10 years ago, which it was, those heady university days, 2009, 2010, 2011, 2012 to some extent, when I last seriously thought that I would make all my money as a poet. I seriously thought that I would make all my money as a poet. Oh, I seriously, I seriously thought I would make all my money as a poet. I remember I did raw comedy. I was on television back when that meant something. And I started getting calls. Started getting calls and texts from television producer type people who had seen me on Raw Comedy. And said, hey James, we'd like to cast you for this show.

I got sent a script. I read the script. I thought, this is one of the worst scripts I've ever read. I'm not going to appear in this. I just thought, as an actor, one should really only be in productions where you love the work. And I thought I don't need to be making $50,000, $60,000, $70,000, $80,000, $100,000 being in some

television program like this when really, why, the poetry is about to take off. And it is from the poetry that I will make the serious money. Now, I don't believe I actually have any of the poems that I wrote at that time. I was mostly writing sexist limericks

in a post-modern style. But I really did think, oh, it's just a matter of time before the poetry starts cleaning up, starts making the big bucks. My goodness, I wasn't even sending the poetry out for publication. I don't know what I was thinking. I was insane. Not like today, with these poems, because I know exactly what I can do with these poems. I've already got a book of essays. Just write ten more poems, slap them in the book of essays. Then I'll record myself reading the poems. I'll shoot beautiful

black and white YouTube videos with funny angles and music and B-roll footage. And people won't be able to resist downloading them on YouTube. The tickety-tock reels. Do people Snapchat? Maybe there's another one as well. Oh. And of course if I publish that through Catamaran Press, could I fail to make money for my boat? For the boat is still.

What's the term people use? Lone star? Does that mean something? that's come to me I'm fatigued I'm recording this part of the podcast in bed like Proust in the house where they're kicking us out of we have nowhere to go

but we have some time oh we're going to make it we're going to make it we're going to make it I'm going to have my poems I'm going to have my essays we're going to make that money I'm going to have that boat it's been a big week

general meeting point number one it has been a very big week meeting opened I do declare I went out to the Jim Jeffries a very big week. Meeting opened. I do declare. I went out to the Jim Jefferies show last night where my friend Amos Gill and my friend Rudy

were both opening. But James, shouldn't you open for Jim also? Ah, I was in no fit state. And no one asked. And I don't feel weird about it at all. I was just. And this is a strange thing for me to say. This is a truly strange thing I'm about to say. And I want you to know that I feel strange saying it.

I was proud of my friends. I was proud of Rudy, who works so hard, who's done comedy for so little. Rudy! Rudy, you got it, baby. And I was very proud of my friend Amos Gill, who opens for Jim Jefferies all the time. And, you know, Amos has been on the podcast before.

I love Amos. He's a good man. And he is a wickedly talented comedian. Please welcome the wickedly talented, one and only, Adel Dazeem. And I was proud of Jim Jefferies. I got to have a nice little chat with Jim Jefferies, and frankly, he seems like a very nice man who was extremely relaxed about a man he didn't know,

me, crashing backstage, and eating a huge amount of cured meat. I, I just... They had this big plate full of meats, gypsy ham, triple smoked ham, honey ham, uh, I think turkey. I think one of those meats was turkey because there was a cranberry sauce. And these people, you must understand, they've been on the road, they've been doing this show, They've been doing the tour. City to city to city to city to city to city.

Maybe the first city, you go, cured meats. Yum, yum, yum. Maybe the second city, you go, oh, cured meats. Hello. By the time you're in Adelaide, having done 57 shows on the tour thus far, you don't want to eat any cured meats. But that's where I come in. James Donald Forbes McCann.

Am I in a fit state health-wise to rock and shock the Adelaide Entertainment Centre? Probably not. Just had the COVID, still bouncing back. But can I eat? I mean, there were pickles. I can see it now. There was like some sort of meatloaf, I think.

Better believe I ate that. And I can hear you wondering, James, on this big plate backstage, were there cheeses? Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha Were there cheeses? Excuse me. Yes, there were cheeses. And I ate a lot of the cheeses.

Were there breads? Oh, there was like a... I don't know how to describe it. It would have been like a long, thin loaf cut up to have with the meat and the pickles. And the bread had olives cooked into it, you know, which isn't good if you're looking to have something with jam. Maybe it is good to have, you know, with a fancy jam and olive.

That would be a very, whoa, style, flavor combination. But for my purposes, meat and chips. It was really nice. Now I can hear you asking, James, was there alcohol? Was there alcohol? What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime.

Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning. Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News.

And yes, I can say that there was some alcohol. James, did you help yourself to the alcohol? Well, I did. And James, was there a toilet? And did you help yourself to the fancy backstage toilet as well? Oh, I did. I had a great time. And I'm grateful and I want to say thank you to Jim Jefferies. Thank you to Amos Gill.

Thank you to Andrew Taylor. Thank you to Taylor McLeod. Thank you to Rudy. It was a great time. It was a great time, but I want you to know I have not wavered in my focus, which is this podcast, which is the boat, and which is possibly a series of poems that I've been writing in my COVID fever, and before, and after.

They say that everybody's looking for somebody to love. It's hard enough getting things done day to day with the number of people to love in my life presently. So I'm not actually looking for somebody to love. I'm looking for someone to get me up inside the virgin lounge. They've got free croissants and coffee, newspapers and bottomless apple juice. Hey, quick aside, there was also a really cool coffee machine backstage at the gig. No croissants though. Was there apple juice? There was not, but there was pineapple juice and vodka. And I got the feeling that was really meant to be reserved

probably for other people in particular but I did have some of that too. Years ago I got a free upgrade I'm back on the poem now and let me tell you it was tremendous. Buffet food and sparkling white wine and magazines. Now every time I go to the airport, I wish I could get up in there.

Flying through the air is cool and all, but free croissants is somehow better. Is it true that people in the Virgin Lounge can bring a complimentary plus one? I don't want to bring anybody, I just want to get broad. Everybody else is looking for somebody to love. But I'm looking for someone to get me up inside the virgin lounge. That's my second poem. News!

Today's Ocean News comes from the ABC News website, where they've taken an article from The Conversation and it's written by, I think some sort of I think they're scientists, Matthew England, Andrea S Taschero and Brian O'Reilly

Pinto. Some wonderful names there and the name of this story is A Huge Ocean Current Is Slowing Down. If it collapses, La Nina could become the norm for Australia. And it says something like this. A climate change is slowing down the conveyor belt of ocean currents. I don't know if that's the official name for it.

That brings warm water from the tropics up to the North Atlantic. So they've released some research, these people, and they find the collapse of this system, that's a quote, it's called the Atlantic Meridional Overturning Circulation, which sounds a little more official than the conveyor belt of ocean currents that brings warm water from the tropics up to the North Atlantic. One moment. Anyway, so it says, this would mean, so if climate change continues like this,

this would mean more flooding rains over eastern Australia, and worse droughts and bushfire seasons over the southwest United States. Now, here's what I feel is not being said in this article. Yes, that sounds tough for the southwest United States, but isn't that like if we planned for it and we got ready? Wouldn't that actually be really good for Australia? Because you know what we are? We're a dry country.

It's very dry, and I don't think anybody is pleased by the extent of the dry. The dry, the dry. So if there's a lot more rain in the east, we can catch and funnel that in and have more water. the east we can catch and funnel that in and have more water well hello i'm just saying people go oh australia dragging your feet on climate change uh maybe that's because we stand to profit ocean news i don't know if any that's true that's just what i've taken from the first couple of articles apparently since human civilization began around 5,000 years ago, that's this article, not me. I would never say that.

I think that shows a real lack of understanding of history. The Atlantic overturning has been relatively stable. Man, can you get away with saying that in an ABC News article? Since human civilization began around 5,000 years ago, who fact-checked that? Oh, there are going to be some First Nations people who get real angry with this article. Anyway, there's been a slowdown over the last 5,000 years, and there's a lot of rain and um yes yes yes wonderful stuff news now i note that some of the stories we have on ocean news have been about climate change and

maybe it won't be too bad and i'm not political what it is is i just try to look up an ocean story and they're almost all about climate change and then like 99 of them will be real grim and one of them you go hey that looks okay and you read the article and they're trying to make it out to be grim but uh literally these are the only positive news stories about the ocean it's climate change and people getting eaten by sharks. If you see a positive story about the ocean of any kind, because what I think we want on this ocean news segment is just positive ocean news. We get enough negative ocean news in the mainstream press demonizing the sea. But if you see a good news story about the ocean, get in touch with the James Donald Forbes McKenna Catamaran plant.

We would so love to share good news about the ocean. Well, you know, ladies and gentlemen, I'm going to get my health right. I'm on the mend. I'm much better this week than I was last week. I'll be better next week than I was this week. Fingers crossed. I mean, that's affirmation number one. I affirm I'm going to take care of my health affirm I'm going to take care of my health I'm going to take care of my health I'm going to take care of the health of the people around me slow recovering

I'm not going to put all my eggs in the poetry basket and I apologise if there's been too much poetry and not enough boat in this episode in fact could we have as a part of the affirmations could we just envision some things about the boat it's time to talk about the boat i see wooden interior frankly i don't see myself as a fiberglass interior person and what's that in the corner it's one of those american style coffee filters i think that'd be nice to have one of those. Do you know the one I'm talking about? For Americans,

it's like a big sideways jug of glass. I want one of them in the boat. Is there fishing off the side of the boat? Yes, if there are fish left to steal out of the ocean. Do we have little flags on the boat? We certainly do.

A little pirate flag. When we go over to other people's boats, we take their shit. GloriousOceanNoiseSoundEffects.com Are we going to smuggle on the boat? Can't say. Absolutely can't say. I'd love to go out on a little pleasure cruise upon the boat. Sun beating down.

Rain beating down. Oh, I'd like to start going sailing. Oh, I'd like to have a boat. And financially good things are happening with the boat. I'm having a meeting this week. We're going to record it. It'll be the next episode, I believe, with the accountant. It's been hard to line that up. But we're finally going to talk about the money that's coming in for the boat.

The business structure for the boat, and their health is right so we'll be sending out those mugs. I affirm I'm going to send out at least five mugs in the Monday. Five mugs minimum sent out. So expect your mug if you're a Patreon.

Don't forget to get on the Patreon you get the Captain's Log podcast. I love you. I need you. Did I tell you that I loved you? Well, I do. Thanks again to Jim Jefferies and Amos Gill and Rudy and Andrew Taylor and Taylor McLeod. Oh, I've had a wonderful Sunday today. The Crowboys got up.

We got up over North Melbourne and some people will be saying, well, it's not much to win the Wayne Carey Cup, but meaningful for me. I just want to say, have a good one. I hope you have a wonderful week. Some normalcy will be potentially returning to the James Donald Forbes-McCann-Captain-Moran plan shortly as the health really swings into gear.

Keep it real. I love you. Here's a song that was mostly made by my children. They made all the big creative decisions. Thank you. Hello, is anybody there? Hello, is anybody there? Hello, is anybody there? Hello, is anybody there? Hello, is anybody there? Oh, we're standing pretty tight. Oh, we're standing pretty tight. Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? Huh? I want to pretend for the map. got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands

of classes built to push you. We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it. Find your push.

Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at