The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Matt McCusker - Champagne Podcasting

Episode Date: October 4, 2024

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Starting point is 00:00:00 Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 powered by Gemini. Anyone who knows me knows the Pixel has always been my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had. Now, with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant. Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails,
Starting point is 00:00:34 I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help, and bam! Instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessi Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend.
Starting point is 00:01:06 I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no, that's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts.
Starting point is 00:01:30 ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. ACAST.com This is an explicit episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Clan. Usually James edits out the explicit parts because he wants more people to listen to the podcast so he can buy a boat more quickly. But this podcast was so explicit as to make editing it practically impossible. Matt McCusker, thank you for being here on the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Clan. We just get straight into it. We make it happen.
Starting point is 00:02:04 It's an honor. You're easily the best, the most successful guest we've ever had on the show. Dude, I appreciate that. It's an honor. Thank you so much, man. And I have now,
Starting point is 00:02:13 I have something to talk to you about. Let's have it. All right. Well, when I came to America, I'm taking the hat off. It's too formal. When I came to America, I had a plan of,
Starting point is 00:02:22 I made a list of all the interesting people in America and the world. And I thought, why not just get in contact to america i had a plan of i would i've made a list of all the interesting people in america and the world and i thought why not just get in contact with all those people and have them on the show it's a good idea well i've found i've wrote some of them letters and they didn't all get back to me but you're in a weird position at the moment because you've got a huge podcast the structure of which has recently changed and you're doing a lot more solo interviews and as a i believe in no i no good idea wasted you know even if i can't use it for me to have a boat okay i would like to today uh pitch to you i was going to save this until halfway through i was
Starting point is 00:02:57 going to open with chit chat i'm too excited this is my idea if i was going to have champagne i didn't do it in time that's fair This is champagne podcasting Really? Just ideas that you could have I've got at first A list of people Please Who you shouldn't have
Starting point is 00:03:11 For champagne comedy Who you wouldn't need Wait so champagne comedy Is the theme of it? Champagne podcasting Okay There was an old sketch Of champagne sketch comedy
Starting point is 00:03:20 But they did a bad sketch On an Australian TV show And they kept having suits I was going to do all that And I didn't do any of that We had a rough night we had a rough night with the kids yeah i didn't sleep much either last night oh boy but you're a great interviewer is the first thing i dude i can't tell then lowry no i loved it glenn was fun that was fun that one felt good the uh the musician who i'd never heard of before marcus King. Yes. Yeah, he was great too.
Starting point is 00:03:46 Pearls came out. You're very natural. I'm not a good interviewer. Something else. I don't know if I am. I appreciate that. I'm like disassociated for the first 10 minutes. Can you meet someone for the first time? Getting Glenn's book wrong was powerful.
Starting point is 00:03:57 Having gone to all the effort of Reddit. That's a strong move, I think. It wasn't a move. I just said the wrong title i enjoyed it but i have yeah i have been like if i over prepare it puts you in a weird area if you're kind of like i gotta remember this you got if i do that for anything for stand-up it fucks me up you have to just like chill well look some people can do it in a comedy setting no one does that well lex friedman is not trying to be funny yeah he has his suit and his questions there's an indian
Starting point is 00:04:24 guy who's great at the moment have you seen this indian guy i know what you're talking about yeah i want to break into that space of being like ultra serious okay let's see is that champagne this is champagne podcasting all right so here's what's not on the list okay is anyone who is a big guest that people usually get because they're a huge. Yeah. And it's like a marquee episode. It's not to say don't get those people. But that, you know, like Jordan Peterson. Yeah. Who I got to meet a couple weeks ago.
Starting point is 00:04:52 Lovely fella. He will do everyone's podcast. That's his thing. He's a podcast guest. Really? He goes on so many podcasts. Every week, there's like three new Jordan Peterson podcasts. Yeah, he does actually.
Starting point is 00:05:02 And every time I see him, I'm like, great. I'll be a Theo Vaughn talking to jordan peterson but it's still you go i i believe that that happened champagne podcasting is about entering into unreality okay people who are so but i think you can do it yeah yeah at least with some of them it's a long list other ones alex jones what a great guest trying to get him you could but you could. If you got Alex Jones, people would go, yes. That would be good. He's on my list right now. They wouldn't think they were living in a parallel universe anymore.
Starting point is 00:05:31 They would think, that's great that Matt got Alex Jones. That makes sense. You're saying if I had Mark Cuban on, it would seem kind of strange. If I had Kamala Harris on. That's what I'm talking about. That would be kind of just, yeah. There have to be people that are gettable. It still has to be a world they have to be people that are gettable you know still has to be doable this is the weird venn diagram of bringing what is on the very peripheral yeah of possible podcast guests i got i'll just whip through the ones
Starting point is 00:05:54 that i didn't put down so they also have to be so broad that everyone would know you can see the list slavoj zizek would be great he'd be great i did i can't i have a hard time understanding him though yes but i love when i see him i just like watching him just kind of like do his thing as a Slavoj Žižek would be great. He'd be great. I have a hard time understanding him, though. Yes. But I love when I see him. I just like watching him just kind of do his thing. As a spectacle, it would be crazy. Kanye, he's going to go on everyone.
Starting point is 00:06:14 David Lynch, Shia LaBeouf. Now, some of these would be great, but too niche. I think Eckhart Tolle would be very good for you. He'd be great, actually. Good call. I don't know if you know Camille Paglia. Yeah, I know her. She's a big tick. She'd be great actually good call uh i don't know if you know camille yeah i know her she's a big tick she'd be good and anyone who can or would normally go on the joe rogan show
Starting point is 00:06:30 as a huge guest i'm putting out he's got that you should get it it's just not the least rhcp would be nice red hot chili peppers would be magical but who i guess they'd only send probably anthony kiedis and maybe flew you'd want at least you'd want John Frusciante to give up. I would want him too, yeah. You might have to go to Chad's house. Three, dude, musicians are tough though, because a lot of them, they're not like used to talking that much. No.
Starting point is 00:06:53 So they're very comfortable with being like, yeah, man. And you're like, come on, man, say something fucking funny. I mean, some are great. Yeah. I don't know if you have the Gallagher's, you have Oasis? You know the band Oasis? Oasis, yeah. They gave the best interviews.
Starting point is 00:07:07 Seemingly, none of them made it across to America. But they hated each other, and they would just bicker with the brothers. Hanson would be good. Did I put Hanson on this list? No, Hanson's not on, but Hanson would be great. I'm going to tell you, Hanson's on a separate list, because I was looking them up last night. Is that Benjamin Netanyahu? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:07:23 He's not on those this but i think a world leader one of them yeah he's like putin went on tucker and that was when everyone went that's incredible true but i was thinking maybe in that vein someone like uh that syria guy uh like someone who's definitely committed atrocities like the head of like hamas basically or like well he's now exploded i believe he's exploded I think they got him but yeah someone like that is there like do they have like a thing almost like Game of Thrones or there's like a 12 year old who like takes like succession or like yeah but he's also been exploded exploded I saw the list I think it was the uh whatever the um what is it called the one in Lebanon not uh Hezbo. Hezbollah? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:08:05 Hezbollah. And had their chain structure. And like five levels down. They're down to like the... The two ICs have been exploded. It's team managers now. Oh, okay. So now they got down to like middle management. There is no one left to explode.
Starting point is 00:08:19 The HR lady. The lady who's bringing out the tea. Damn, so they dismantled Hamas? I wasn't even... Yeah. They did it right under my fucking nose. It happened very fast. I wasn't paying attention.
Starting point is 00:08:29 And then I've been trying to read the Lebanese newspapers about it. It's very hard to understand. What are they saying about it? The word martyrdom is used a lot. Ah. Yeah. Yeah. Which...
Starting point is 00:08:41 So it seems like they're going to fill the slot pretty quickly then. What's weird is the religious leaders in Lebanon have had so much like interreligious fighting that even like the Greek Orthodox patriarch will have like, you know, all these like Muslim extremists have been exploded, but it's important to not make people hate Greek Orthodox people in Lebanon that he go, we've all got to stand together. Come on, everybody. One. So they're siding with basically. Vague national unity. Yeah. Yeah. orthodox people in lebanon that he got we've all got to stand together come on everybody one so
Starting point is 00:09:05 they're siding with basically vague national unity yeah yeah it's very strange to watch that is weird but there they are they just don't want to come out and be like because they can't celebrate if they start celebrating everyone's going to be like what the you guys yeah smiling about you're next greeks we'll blow you guys up yeah that's the Jews of the Mediterranean that's also the Jews yeah just the Jews but of all the Mediterranean peoples
Starting point is 00:09:31 I think the Greeks most yeah they're ancient culture hairy I mean that goes back you know that was like Alexander the Great
Starting point is 00:09:39 and everything yeah no no what was the no no what was the big empire Byzantine oh yeah they've been in a weird position for a long time yeah very slow decline yeah Yeah. No, no. What was the big empire? Byzantine. Oh, yeah.
Starting point is 00:09:45 They've been in a weird position for a long time. That was Greek speaking. Yeah, very slow decline. Yeah. If we can get anyone from the Byzantine Empire to come on, that would be exquisite. Now, there are some people who I think you've burnt a bridge, the three bills.
Starting point is 00:09:58 Gates, Clinton, Cosby. It would be very hard. I've heard your podcast. None of them will come on. It'd be fun to get Bill Gates on and pie him again. Wouldn't it be nice? Did you see when he got pied? No, I didn't.
Starting point is 00:10:08 He got a pie. Shane showed me the video of him walking into a meeting in the early 90s and someone hit him with a cream pie. Not, you know. Yeah. They hit him with an actual... A pie of cream. Yes.
Starting point is 00:10:19 In the face. Do you know Tim Gunn? No. Who is that? He's the host of Project Runway. He can be on my list. That'd be kind of nice. He's a celibate, a very camp man.
Starting point is 00:10:29 He gave up sex in the 90s. Wait, but he hosts Project Runway? Yeah, he loves fashion and he talks like this. And he goes to the designers. So it's all designing of clothes. Is he a gay man? Yes, but he doesn't have any gay intercourse. Okay.
Starting point is 00:10:43 He's celibate. So he surrounds himself with beautiful female models now? Yes. All right. He's living a very... But he's so caring and compassionate. And people have all these stories about Tim Gunn. He doesn't do a lot of media,
Starting point is 00:10:54 but whenever he turns up, it's like, he helped an old lady with a bag on a plane. Why did he... Did he say why he started the practice of celibacy? I think it was the AIDS crisis. And he found that sex wasn't necessary for him to be a happy person. I mean, I'd want to talk to him about that. That's pretty cool.
Starting point is 00:11:10 Yeah. Tom Jones. Now, here's a big one. Here's an important one. Jimmy Fallon on the condition that you would never go on Jimmy Fallon. I think I can do that. Right, because that's the power move. No, because you could.
Starting point is 00:11:25 If you wanted to go on Jimmy Fallon, you could easily do it. Right, because that's the power move. No, because you could. If you wanted to go on Jimmy Fallon, you could easily do it. Thanks, guys. But imagine, you're a podcast guy. You never go on Fallon. He comes to you, and then you are the mainstream.
Starting point is 00:11:38 Jimmy Fallon is a supplement. I've really thought about that one. We'll take this episode down if that actually does happen, because we don't. I really thought about it. I stayed up all last night. He might have to, we'll take this episode down if that actually does happen because we don't. I really thought about it. I stayed up all last night. He's too silly, man.
Starting point is 00:11:49 I don't know. He would get too silly and I would have a tough time, I think. I heard he's a super nice dude. Well, I winnowed it down to who I thought would be the easiest all the way.
Starting point is 00:11:56 I'm trying to get into serious podcasting. This guy's a fucking, he's a buffoon. Yes. I want to get into serious podcasting. You don't want Colbert
Starting point is 00:12:02 coming on and frowning. I want to talk about nuclear threats and AI. Let's get get into serious podcasting. You don't want Colbert coming on and frowning at you. I want to talk about nuclear threats and AI. Let's get to the serious list. And a lot of these are not high-class intellectuals. Okay. I'm keeping the list of news over here. All right.
Starting point is 00:12:18 Greta Thunberg would be a tremendous guest. That would be great. I've seen her give interviews. I saw her sail around the world with some Australians. Did she really? Yeah. She was trying to get from Europe to America without flying for a climate thing. She was on a sail? She said, who can sail me?
Starting point is 00:12:39 And there was an Australian vlogging family who have a boat. australian vlogging family who have a boat and they over in winter they sail across the i guess that's the atlantic ocean with greta tunberg and her father right so she's she's fighting climate change by basically really showing how untenable flight is sorry how untenable replacing flight because they do there are storms everyone's terrified it takes weeks that's crazy the aussie dads in the back are going i don't want to let Greta know how dangerous this is, but we're in real trouble. Yeah, that's like really fucking terrifying. It's excellent.
Starting point is 00:13:10 And she's human. Did she pull it off? They get there. Okay. Yeah. She's very seasick. And her father's like, well, I just love my daughters.
Starting point is 00:13:18 And one wants to be a ballerina. I try and make that happen. And the other likes to- What kind of craft are they? What are they piloting? It's a catamaran. These are the people I started watching Oh
Starting point is 00:13:26 Sailing with Vagabond It's such a good episode Captaining I should say Well How big are catamarans They can be of many different I've been on a A 10 million
Starting point is 00:13:35 I've seen a 10 million dollar one What And that's huge With a sail With a Yes I believe it had a sail as well Backup motor or no
Starting point is 00:13:42 Huge motors Okay Yeah And then I saw a big one with a sail that was 1.6 million I went to a boat show by accident
Starting point is 00:13:48 when I was in Sydney is it like is it like the Mayflower like is it a giant like ship with a sail or like they are it's two hulls
Starting point is 00:13:55 looks more like a luxury vehicle okay gotcha but theirs is like very bare bones looks like a racing craft looks like an America's Cup yeah
Starting point is 00:14:03 type thing but oh yeah it's not like a fancy boat that they're taking. There's not like a huge crew. There's four guys in the middle of the ocean. Storms are coming, and everyone's terrified. There's a baby below deck. It would be nice to have enough money to have.
Starting point is 00:14:18 But that's, anyway. Yeah, but why would you put your family at risk of, like, sinking? Man, this is the problem with these the family vloggers yeah uh is that the family allows you to like keep making the content true well the family allows you to make the content the content gives you the money to live the lifestyle true and then usually one partner hates it i don't know if you've ever gotten into the family vlogging people no i've never it kind of freaks me out honestly it seems like a really uh weird space to get into yeah like to subject basically like joe jackson your kids from the start and you're all your whole family becomes like a product
Starting point is 00:14:55 is like yes kind of a weird and again it's also who the product is for because sometimes the children are shot in a they've done you... People do studies and go through their numbers and they go, man, a lot of my Patreon subscribers are in prison. What's going on with that? Maybe they're in the part of the prison where they're really not meant to have any access to children. Really? This is then part of the system.
Starting point is 00:15:18 That's, yeah. It's the ickiest thing. Now there's a movement fighting back against it. My wife has been reading about it to boycott family vloggers who show their children. You can still have a family vlog, but if the children are in the video at all, you boycott.
Starting point is 00:15:32 Yeah, you gotta like blur their face or something? Yes. Yeah, but how are you gonna have a family vlog without your children in there? Oh yeah, they don't do well. Why don't they just do a disclaimer? Be like, warning. It's under like, you know how they do the FBI?
Starting point is 00:15:43 Like, warning. If you are a pedophile do not watch my video do not fap to my family travel vlog they could be like impose a fine for that if you fap
Starting point is 00:15:51 if you copy it if you pirate it or if you fap I think this is the problem is that the FBI fines you $10,000 I mean how they gonna know you pirated the video
Starting point is 00:15:58 they don't know you don't even have to pirate it it's all there it's all there what was weird oh man this is so what was weird with the Saturday? I think they should do a disclaimer at the beginning of the video.
Starting point is 00:16:07 Like, hey, we're taking the boat. We're going to Tasmania. By the way, if you think my kids are looking good, please, for the love of God, don't be a disgusting pig and masturbate to the image of a turtle. And that's the beauty of pedophiles is they have so many problems, but they are men of their word. And if you have a compact, they're not to do that. Yeah, like Scouts Honor.
Starting point is 00:16:27 Yeah, they respect some boundaries so little that there are other boundaries that they take extremely seriously. But I think if you had the climate change chat, if you humanize Greta Thunberg, that's a real thing. It'd be fun. Yeah, I sometimes don't even think she's real.
Starting point is 00:16:39 I think she might not even exist. I'm just trying to goad her into proving her existence on the podcast. I think. See what I'm doing? Yeah. Greta, if you are real. not even exist i'm just trying to goad her into like proving her existence on the podcast i think see what i'm doing yeah yeah great if you are real and i don't think climate change is there you go i'm just trying to get it yeah she's pivoting off climate change toward palestine now i think she's free palestine yeah she's free palestine she better fucking sail over there man they're fucking losing she's got to get over there so she's away from climate change
Starting point is 00:17:04 into palestine now i think she's like she's doing this whole it's an intersectional problem we need to address all problems at once yeah does she not care about ukraine like what the fuck i can't take offense to that it would be funny if that was her weird thing and she didn't talk about she was like obviously tibet must be destroyed there's a uh There's a pop. I never knew of this lady. She's a pop sensation right now. Chappelle something? Oh, Chapel Roan.
Starting point is 00:17:31 Chapel Roan. Yeah. And she didn't say she would support Kamala Harris. No, she said she'd vote for her. But wouldn't endorse her. Wouldn't endorse her. Isn't that endorsing her? And it's like they put the full like weight of the their like
Starting point is 00:17:46 propaganda like yeah propaganda machine on her being like what the fuck is her deal well i mean it was naive on her part to think that the mainstream media was going to build up a kooky lesbian with access to all the young children and hip voters yeah and that she wasn't going to fall in line and yeah they're all like whipping her right now. They're basically SNLs roasting her. It's a hard tech lynching, which brings me on to my next person on the list, which was Clarence Thomas. I don't know if I could get him, man.
Starting point is 00:18:14 Why? He's so old. He's hip. He'd have AIDS. He's what? Sorry. People who help him. Only who doesn't.
Starting point is 00:18:24 You got the scoop right here. Clarence, he'd be a dream guest, but I don't know. I don't know if I could hit it off. Or the thing, too, I got to think about is, like, what is the vibe going to be like? With Clarence Thomas? Yeah. He's a cool dude. I know he's a cool guy, but it's like...
Starting point is 00:18:37 Yeah. I don't know if I'd be able to vibe with him, dude. It's like when they're, like, an old... I learned from Glenn Lowry, like, he's a cool old black dude. And it's like, I just thought we'd vibe harder than we did, honestly, if I'm being honest. We had a great conversation, but I was hoping to vibe like outside the interview. And I don't think that was the case. I don't think there is a white man who can more vibe with these black conservatives that I know of.
Starting point is 00:19:03 True. Now, maybe Gary Owen starts to open up the books and has some questions about liberalism. Gary Owen, he's dealing with his own stuff. He's right now kind of... Is he? Is he going through a hard time? Yeah, he's going through a tough time. Shout out, Gary. T's and P's.
Starting point is 00:19:18 Yes. No, why? Room at the top for me to finally be the most famous white guy with black people. True. It was never going to happen. I mean, it is, yeah. King Gary.
Starting point is 00:19:30 It's the skulls of everyone who's tried. He's now one of them. Yeah, it's a hard King of the Ring. It's a difficult thing. Well, if you think you wouldn't vibe with Clarence Thomas,
Starting point is 00:19:41 we can take him out. It's a potential. I think it's a Supreme Court justice. He'd be great. I'm just kind of like just voicing my reservations. I mean, one exciting thing about him is that he is accused of being a black nationalist. Yeah. And people on...
Starting point is 00:19:56 So like his actual... Just no one... Why is he... Who accuses him of that? People on the left who secretly like him. Who are... You know, they're like it wouldn't be killer mike but that weird killer mike uh pro-black sort of conservative but like the argument that
Starting point is 00:20:14 some things were better under segregation we had our own communities we were looking after each other like dr umar pretty much yes and that that like, what's the, I'm forgetting the, you know, I know what you're talking about. Bubbling, bubbling, bubbling in the mother country's crotch. It's not the revolution will not be televised.
Starting point is 00:20:35 It's his other big poem, Gil Scott Heron. I don't know. Where he's like the white liberals, their cause is not our, they want fucking in the street and marijuana and to get out of Vietnam. I want a wife and some children and some food to feed them at night. So there is like that sort of left wing, pro-community left wing rather than like the internationalist progressives
Starting point is 00:20:55 that I don't think anyone else could get in there and talk about with him in an interesting way. But you know about that. You have the insight into black conservatives. I don't know anyone else who knows about this. True. Black conservatives are an absolute niche. It's the most fascinating segment in America that I have. Well, a lot of black people are conservative.
Starting point is 00:21:16 Yeah. It's just the national politics. Well, it doesn't help the national political grift at all. Yeah. And also black conservatives don't want to be, just by and large, they don't want to be seen as like, the whole point of it is we're not like one of your groups that you can use in that way. Well, it's like the whitest thing you can be as a Republican.
Starting point is 00:21:33 So it's like instantly rejected. That's just my feeling. But I don't know. Then Trump got shot and I was like, damn, it's kind of cool. They hit him with charges. They hit him with some trumped up charges and then they shot him exactly and now dude did you see the uh kamala's interview kamala did it like an like an organic i guess interview i know it's what with oprah no no she did it on uh i think it's called all
Starting point is 00:21:58 the smoke podcast she did a podcast called all the smoke and. Dude, she's just your regular kind of country bumpkin. Are they hitting the blunt? No, not hitting the blunt. No, there's no smoking, I don't think. I never watch the podcast. I don't know if they smoke blunts during the podcast or not. I don't think they do. I was picturing her down in Bill Mayer's fucking rape dungeon
Starting point is 00:22:20 that he's doing his podcast in where everyone's... I don't know what he's up to. Things are covered in silk and the lights are weird. He just slowly intoxicates himself and he's doing his podcast in where everyone's... I don't know what he's up to. Things are covered in silk and the lights are weird. He just slowly intoxicates himself and he's like, tell me, I don't know what the fuck's going on. You're all Kamala, you're very fine. I saw a theory that Kamala Harris is always drunk. I don't want to spread vicious rumors,
Starting point is 00:22:40 but when you have that in your mind and you watch her talk, you're like, she does sound like she just had three martinis every time she talks. She's doing wine mom extremely well. I don't know if that's an expression here, wine mom. Oh, we have it. Yeah. She's out having a good night with the girls,
Starting point is 00:22:56 which also gives the impression. It's smart for her to seem drunk in that particular way because if a man is drunk yeah or if someone is really degenerate drunk you think oh he's not doing very much but she seems drunk in the specific way that a woman who says she works hard all the time gets drunk yeah so she's always like that but then instinctively i go oh she must be working very hard. She must be like, this is her kicking off her heels when she's talking to us. Really? I think I look at it and I see her like, oh, she's just like in an alcohol stupor
Starting point is 00:23:32 powering through just probably a pretty stressful event. I mean, no one ever puts themselves in her shoes. Yeah. She was thrust. I mean, she was already on the national stage, but she was kind of like out of the way. And now she was just like thrust into the spotlight. Yeah. She needs to have three martinis to do all this.
Starting point is 00:23:48 I'm not trying to say that's exactly what happened. Well, they had been trying to thrust her into the spotlight for ages. I don't know if that lamp is covering your face. I just thought about that, actually. I just thought about it. I don't think so. It is. It's terrible.
Starting point is 00:24:06 I didn't notice that the whole time that I looked over. It's still gone. That's great. All right. That's great. What an unveiling. But yeah, man, I don't want to spread vicious rumors, but I do, you know, I think we should speculate into all the potentials with someone who might lead this great nation.
Starting point is 00:24:24 I think she might wouldn't be great to know what she thinks about anything it'll be kind of nice now i'm also turning that air conditioner on because i can feel the warmth camilla would be great i don't think she's going to be very protective about the interview she gives uh yeah that one you can see the edit jumps and the one she did which i'm sure they're gonna they're not gonna do like an unedited version of her podcast but i think they they're trying to, like, organify her, and I think that was them being like, oh, yeah, watch how cool and natural she can be.
Starting point is 00:24:52 I didn't watch the whole thing, but it's... I don't want to just be, like, a hater on her, but I'm just not buying it, man. When I watch her talk, I'm like... She's like, I love the Golden State Warriors so much, and you're like, do you? Yeah. I call them my warriors.
Starting point is 00:25:07 Do you really have a passion? Are you just all just a contrived bullshit thing? Or like, do you for real? But like in between being like, I need to save all of these children. Let me take, let me put my feet up and watch my beloved Golden State Warriors. It's like, dude, are you just making this up? But this is, I think, I didn't realize this about americans i don't know the extent to which everybody seems to just vote because they hate the other guy that's that's a relatively new thing all right but certainly uh
Starting point is 00:25:34 all the trump elections hillary was that unpalatable that people were happy to go with him yeah man everyone who's voting for biden i don't think surely no one was showing up going yeah i'm enthusiastic to give my vote to biden but they didn't want trump the people who did that yeah and now the joy of kamala is that she's uh she's no one that's actually her greatest way you maybe you've reached the point in like party politics and the court spectacle where it's like you she's just she's an image yeah if you if you want her to be left-wing she's very progressive and he's calling her a communist if you want her to be right-wing she locked up a lot of young black men for yeah scanty marijuana violations proudly carries a gun proudly carries a gun but also doesn't think any of us should have one you know
Starting point is 00:26:21 so it's it's really that's beautiful for it's very hard to hate her and to the extent that no one other than being like revolted by something that's inhuman there's almost nothing to hold on to at the mothership people still doing biden material yeah you know but what he's done almost no one can do sam talent had one good... He's the first one that I saw get Kamala. Really? A little bit. Did he have to get drunk before doing it? I think he might have said it accidentally and then doubled down.
Starting point is 00:26:52 But he was like, if she just said faggot or retard, she'd win. I thought you said he did an impression. Oh, no, that would be great. Yeah, because it's... No, I don't know. I guess... He just had something to say about her at all. There's nothing to say other than the fact that she's kind of like a shapeshifter.
Starting point is 00:27:08 Yeah. I don't know if that's fair to say, but I do feel like, and that's the thing too, though. Like, well, everybody code switches. It's like, I don't know, dude. I've never really put on like a wildly different accent. I didn't know that was on the table. You didn't know that was an option? Yeah.
Starting point is 00:27:24 I could just be like, shit, I mean, my granddaddy. I didn't know I was allowed to do that.'t know that was an option? Yeah I could just be like shit I didn't know I was allowed to do that Apparently it's a totally natural thing to do What a better time you would have had at so many family barbecues over the years Coat switching I don't Coat switching Quentin Tarantino does that too
Starting point is 00:27:38 Does he? Wildly dude I didn't know that Oh my god In a way that's almost like are you fucking around? Did you ever see the video of him doing that? No. Dude, it's wild.
Starting point is 00:27:49 Yeah, you got to watch him doing that. That's the guy who drops the N when he's with his boys having a nice time. But only with his black friends. You mean like writing scripts? He would be the opposite. He does. No, I mean, he would be Sam Jackson. And that's when we call each other that.
Starting point is 00:28:02 But when I'm with the whites, I would never. Yeah, I don't think he would. Although he might... He was on the list because he's a great interviewer. He'd be great. But I think you could actually get him. Yeah, he was just on Bill Maher's sex dungeon too, wasn't he? Yes.
Starting point is 00:28:13 Bill Maher's club sex dungeon. And he was very... And here's a weird... Quentin Tarantino on so many things is a progressive. I think he's like a very hardline pro-Israel guy which is possibly why he went on Bill Maher's sex dungeon.
Starting point is 00:28:28 But I believe he spends like six months a year in Israel. Does he really? Yeah. I'm going to fact check that. Yeah, maybe you go there and it's...
Starting point is 00:28:36 I know one of my friends went there to play soccer and he was like, bro, it rules. Yeah. So maybe it's one of those things you have to show. I think they show you
Starting point is 00:28:42 a good time. Yeah, I think when you go... Also too, you can go... I know you can go for free if you're jewish if you're jewish i'm trying to uh what are they right of return or birthright i think yeah birthright i my dad got was a journal he is a journalist in australia he writes things and the israeli government flew him over with like the top politicians to uh it's awesome have a nice time that's pretty cool i mean it sounds why see if the people in gaza would just open up their luxury resorts and all their beautiful grass tennis
Starting point is 00:29:13 courts i think they could win more international approval yeah true no they they don't have them yeah i mean it is uh israel's a tricky one, man. Because there is like a... I don't know, dude. And look, I'm not saying this gleefully. There is something... I've said this before. There's something about the word Jew that almost phonetically induces kind of like a...
Starting point is 00:29:38 It just rings so well. If you want to be nasty, you can be like... There's no other group of people you can refer to with that kind of like echoing phonetic structure of just being like Jew. If you want to be nasty you can be like there's no other group of people you can refer to with that kind of like echoing phonetic structure of just being like jew if you want to be like pissed off like you can't chinese it doesn't work like chinese no jew there's something like you can really sink your teeth into that word if you want to be i'd say something about south african does conjure up a lot of unpleasantness yeah Yeah. But even then, it's the Jewish South Africans in Australia
Starting point is 00:30:08 that we most resent. Really? We've got a lot of them coming over after apartheid. So most of our Jewish people in Sydney are... Jewish South Africans? Jewish South African. Huh. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:30:17 So what's like... I'm talking about the genetic structure. So those two... Oh, in terms of the sound of the word? Selador. No, just like the word... The word alone can be some sort of slur. But yes, I mean, what's that? You can sink your teeth into it is what I'm saying.
Starting point is 00:30:32 Well, everything else has to be a slur. And I think there's a Louis C.K. bit about that. That's the only one that is its own slur. But like with Japanese people, no one says Japanese. There would be like there are four other words you can use. I guess they short it, yeah. They're angry. Let me, hold on.
Starting point is 00:30:46 I'm trying to think of a denonym that's hateful sounding. I think it's got to be, I think it's, you know what it is? It's the single syllable. Mongol? Yeah. Mongoloid? Nah, it's actually. Mongols?
Starting point is 00:30:57 You never say it with hate. Like, these are Mongol. Unless you're like a Chinese emperor. It's a bit. It's just fucking Mongols. Yeah, I'm telling you. Again, look, you know, I don't want to invite kind of nastiness but he's a cusack greek greek no nothing nothing nothing at all and it's a single syllable too curd i can see the curds being like fucking curds man the curds have a
Starting point is 00:31:22 case to answer i've been doing a deep dive on the Kurds. I heard they're kind of chill, aren't they? Or no? Until it comes to the topic of their daughter's clitorises. Oh, they're still doing that? They're doing that. I know. Kurds.
Starting point is 00:31:37 That was the one thing when I went to social work school. I was around rabid feminists. Yeah. Not everybody, but there was a lot of them there who were just waiting to sink their teeth into social issues publicly. school when I you know I was I was around like rabid feminists yeah for the not everybody but there was there was a lot of them there who are just waiting to like sink their teeth into like social issues publicly and when we started talking middle east and I brought up you know female genital mutilation silent they'd be like well that's not my place to talk I'm like really I think it should be you you're saying you for some reason if you if I just fly a plane I can just
Starting point is 00:32:03 start cutting up ladies vaginas because I live somewhere else? Your morals stop in international boundaries? That was crazy. There's no good argument. It's no coherent argument. You just can't do it. It's a bad idea. They wouldn't say that.
Starting point is 00:32:17 They would be like, whatever their issues were here, they were just all gung-ho. And I was like, dude, you know, they like scoop out, they scoop them out. There's a scooping. Yeah, dude. There are three stages of it. They're all bad,
Starting point is 00:32:30 dude. Yeah. It's like the stitching. They kind of stitch it together and they cut the thing out. And it's like, it actually, the husband apparently has to bust through the stitches the night of the wedding day to like prove his like virility,
Starting point is 00:32:42 which, all right. I mean, I can see that, but no, it's like,ility, which, all right. I mean, I could see that, but no, it's like, dude, that blew my mind to be like,
Starting point is 00:32:49 really? That's, you're just going to be like, that's not my place to talk about that. I'm like, well, what the fuck do you think that all this other shit's your place? What can you,
Starting point is 00:32:56 um, what could you do? You have to have a worldview to get stuck in that, that the West is so like supreme and bad. You, you have to live in like the 19th century when empires are colonizing Africa and they have all the power and force. We're not there.
Starting point is 00:33:14 The West is in decline. The Chinese are the global superpower economically. I don't buy it, man. You don't think so? No, I don't buy it. They're working so hard. I have not looked at it I don't know I believe they might collapse but on car if their trends are true if they tell them the truth about what they're building and doing yeah then like that whole thing about like being funny and punching up is about like who has the
Starting point is 00:33:41 control and the power so we should all just be out doing chinese accents well that doesn't make sense with the narrative but yeah i know what you're saying yeah they can't yeah you can't uh if if if it is a thing of power and domination if you can prove on paper that the whites have fallen yeah yeah like we should all start just white should be off limits yeah true as they crumble and we've got to help lift them up through this difficult time for them just to get them lift them up back above the chinese state and then you can just you know give you up in season there's a you know about i think it's called sooty you might be getting that wrong but this was where the indians would burn their wives when they died that like if you died the community would come together and set your wife
Starting point is 00:34:23 on fire oh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah. Instead of like burying her with you they would burn her alive. I think they'd burn her alive and the British stopped it and the Indians said this is our culture and the British said
Starting point is 00:34:34 well our culture is to not let people burn their wives. But these women they're not all women but whatever that progressive thing is that doesn't have a position on like the pro-women's liberation and also don't want to talk about female genital mutilation.
Starting point is 00:34:48 You have to have no, you have to like try and scoop out, if you will, your own culture, right? And then any big culture around you, you allow that to dominate you. It's like you're trying to make yourself a sub, but you can have no, like, it's this thought that you can become maybe more objective by getting rid of your own cultural biases. But I think very quickly, someone else's cultural biases just jump in on top of you. Yeah, I think so. That's not a stable position. Well, you also... It's like, you know, technically, they'd be completely removed from it.
Starting point is 00:35:22 So it's like if you're removed from the issue personally, you can just be it's not my place to say and it's like all right well just fucking leave me alone bro yeah don't worry about my motherfucking masculinity the fact that i'm getting jacked dude it's our culture men go in their own way there's real man there's a weird one i think it's in cameroon i could be getting this wrong but they uh they they have a chest flattening. They'll get a big iron, and they'll iron down the tit so that you are made more flat. Okay. Like they, sort of like binding.
Starting point is 00:35:55 It's a form of chest mutilation. They'll keep the... Sort of what we're doing to little trans boys. Yeah, yeah. Where it's like, let's not let that tit get away with it. Yeah, yeah. And what's weird about this is that the wealthier, more progressive, more Christian part of Cameroon does this. Okay.
Starting point is 00:36:12 They're the ones who are doing the mutilating. Nat Geo is going to go out of business. That's their whole business model. They figured out the loophole to show titties. That's part of it, I think. The Nat Geo people were causing a scene. And they don't want them. But that's why they're doing it that's what not for nat geo but because child brides are such a big thing like
Starting point is 00:36:30 the second you hit puberty they marry you and so it's an attempt to like preserve the independence of their daughters that you try and hide the physical development yeah oh because people will start like it's okay snatch you you up it's like a 2012 Nissan people start driving by and like that's fucking nice I could use that thing in my house
Starting point is 00:36:49 if your daughter starts to develop that's why you present with a bad car that you're gonna drive to the end you flatten them up you flatten it
Starting point is 00:36:57 so it's actually it's feminist breast flattening so to save their daughters they're just taking away taking away what the boys want. Taking away their boobs. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:37:06 Then what do they do to go on to like go to college I guess? No I think they probably just get married at 15 instead of 12. It's small steps. Different cultures.
Starting point is 00:37:16 Does it irrevocably shrink their breasts up? I don't think it's good. Yeah. Yeah I can't imagine. So all that like has to go somewhere. Maybe it's great
Starting point is 00:37:24 when they finally grow, they never sag. I think my parents did that to me. They bound my penis. I think I was binded from a young age. Now it's just average. Chinese emperors have been doing that for many thousands of years. To have a more aristocratic penis. How do you feel about talking to Oprah?
Starting point is 00:37:44 I would talk to Oprah. Tick, would you talk talking to Oprah? I would talk to Oprah. Tick. Would you talk to Tom Cruise? I'd talk to TC, yeah. All right. Mel Gibson, I think, is a genuine... That'd be great. Genuine gettable.
Starting point is 00:37:54 Yeah, that'd be great. He's a big one. Doesn't do a lot of interviews. Fascinating history. I've heard you talking about the T-porn previously, and this man had some a little trouble with the teas i think in the late 80s but eddie murphy yeah i would love to talk to eddie murphy but i don't think he would uh i think he'd be kind
Starting point is 00:38:14 of like reserved about that i heard a rumor he was too freaky for scary spice i believe it and again rumors just rumors yeah like like Kamala Harris is drunk. I don't want to spread that, but I've heard she's an alcoholic. Yeah, I think. But no, I've heard he was too freaky for Spice. Well, she would be the most open to being freaky of all the Spices, I would think. If he was too freaky for Baby Spice,
Starting point is 00:38:37 you'd go, absolutely. Yeah. She's Baby Spice. Posh, obviously. Yeah. Sporty. Sporty. We'll see.
Starting point is 00:38:46 She could be kind of... I don't think she'd have time for that stuff that's mil c or mil b i didn't know the spice girls were huge in america huge that's great yeah they were enormous but yeah uh yeah man i mean that'd be cool eddie murphy would be pretty sick we might pick some of these are more gettable than others and it might just be i mean i can't, you have a huge interesting platform of like, you have the biggest Patreon, you have the most engaged fan base of anybody. Energized community.
Starting point is 00:39:15 Energized community. So if any of these people, you know, some of them, like I was thinking Francis Ford Coppola, he has a new movie out. He's a strange guy. Movie's doing really badly. It's getting pilloried
Starting point is 00:39:25 what movie is it it's called megalopolis he sold 120 million dollars worth of his vineyard to self-fund this movie because no studio would touch it what's it about an architect played by adam driver who can control time for some reason sorry did he create megalopolis did he make megalopolis he wants to make Megalopolis but I think Lawrence Fishburne is trying to stop him
Starting point is 00:39:48 and the other thing is the whole story is the history of the Roman Republic and also it's very sexy sort of neo-noir
Starting point is 00:39:57 is it futuristic or is it like yeah but magic future but based on the Roman Empire for decades this is the film that he's wanted to make and
Starting point is 00:40:05 everyone has said absolutely not that doesn't sound like a movie you've had a dream megalopolis he said megalopolis i will make it so he's he's 120 million dollars in the hole no one wants to go and see his movie that's the perfect time yeah for francis ford coppola to show up and have an interview with you i don't think i would help him at all i don't think i would it would be i don't think it'll do you could say tell me about going insane during megalopolis yeah yeah yeah that'd be pretty cool you know uh i didn't know about that i kind of want to the movie sounds good i would like to go and see it is it out in theaters now yes if you'd like to go and see it my wife doesn't want to go i'd love to see michael i pitched it to her and i was like honey
Starting point is 00:40:48 people are walking out halfway through he's losing hundreds of millions of dollars is it like four hours yeah i think it's like i think it is a three-hour movie yeah shia's in it charlotte buff's in it what and aubrey plaza and uh so many big stars are in this movie. So he spent $120 million? Huge. People say it's visually incredible. It's shot for IMAX. Yeah. It got a long-standing ovation in Cannes from the people
Starting point is 00:41:12 who hadn't walked out already. It seems like a very divisive movie. I want to like it so I can feel superior to people who don't understand it. Yeah, yeah. But I'm afraid that I'll hate it. Yeah, I...
Starting point is 00:41:23 It sounds fucking sick. So he's just controlling time and Laurence Fishburne's like, don't you dare make Megalopolis and he's like, I'm going to fucking make it. He's like, I'm going to build a utopian city.
Starting point is 00:41:33 We have the technology with my magic glowing rod. I think Laurence Fishburne is like, come on. Can we just have a normal city? Can you stop controlling time, please, dude? Yeah. And he's like half committing suicide and he's walking back onto buildings.
Starting point is 00:41:50 It sounds like a film. Sounds pretty good. But he's not even on the list. But I'll tell you who is on the list and I'll rattle these off. Lauryn Hill. If Lauryn Hill ever wants to come back, you could be the way forward for Lauryn Hill. Yeah. Wouldn't be a lot to say to Lauren Hill.
Starting point is 00:42:06 She seems like a strange person. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. I don't know. All these things of, like, I always try to steer away from getting people, like, getting people for the sake of the fact that they're celebrities. I need to think that I can possibly vibe with them. Okay. If I can't possibly vibe with people, it's nothing against them. I'm just like...
Starting point is 00:42:24 Well, then I'm whittling down to the ones I think you could vibe with people It's nothing against them I'm just like Well then I'm whittling down To the ones I think you could vibe with And who would be fascinating That's great Because we've just crossed out Jackie Chan I could probably vibe with Jackie Chan Hold on
Starting point is 00:42:34 Jackie Chan's getting a Why don't you think I could vibe with Jackie Chan? Why don't you think I could vibe with Jackie Chan? He's Alright What I thought was exciting about... These aren't just famous people. Sure.
Starting point is 00:42:48 None of these people do a lot of interviews. Yeah. That's one thing. And then they all have something weird about them. So Jackie Chan is a shill for the Chinese Communist Party. Is he really? Yeah. He loves that the Chinese Communist Party control people's lives.
Starting point is 00:43:02 He says, Chinese people are too wild. We need to be controlled. And I thank the government for monitoring us. And I think that would be an interesting chat. That would be awesome, yeah. I also agree with him. I support them doing that just in China. We're going to put Xi Jinping on here.
Starting point is 00:43:22 I agree with him. I think Chinese people are out of control. I they i think they need excessive force at all times the nation once once you long united must divide it's long divided chinese people are crazy bro oh they all they all they have a pretty crazy history though i think they'd like that because it's the opposite of the stereotype i find if ever you lean into as though it were a stereotype the opposite of someone's stereotype in a way that seems true they're very happy about it yeah so like uh out of control koreans are a big one because everyone thinks koreans mild restrained asian polite if you go which is true koreans you're insane you shout you get drunk every
Starting point is 00:44:01 party i'm at with koreans they're the ones having a big problem getting into they are so like they like they like the bad yes we are we are the bad boys of asia you think that's the bad boys of korea's yeah who would be the true bad boys north korea is the bad boys of asia that's true he's the loner he's not like the cool guy he's not the jock he's smoking cigarettes in a leather jacket with a motorcycle yeah yeah i guess china could be the bad boys of asia because japan is like the coolest i've talked to a korean guy about this and he goes japan are easily like the coolest asians oh yeah and then he's like they like he was severe beef with the chinese it's kind of like yeah i don't talk with the chinese at all so that's that's one thing i want to do asian unity that's if I could do anything it'd be like
Starting point is 00:44:50 Coming together and just bringing like all these people and Korean people together and that guys what the fuck Why you guys fighting operation Asian unity, dude? I was at a sushi restaurant last night, and they had a non-profit so he ordered Some certain sake they're like a percentage of the profits go to a Nonprofit that is a, it's called like the Austin Tito Alliance. Okay. So the nonprofit is to promote awareness of the city of Austin and the city of like a widow Japan. And that's the,
Starting point is 00:45:17 that's what, if you, I could have funded this last night and I chose not to because I was like, I don't, I don't really see the point of that, but it's like, it sends people to like, yeah. People from Austin to Japan. it's like it sends people to like... Yeah.
Starting point is 00:45:26 People from Austin to Japan. It's like a sister city. Yeah, but they're just trying to raise awareness about these two cities. I'll tell you something really strange. Austin has that relationship with a lot of cities. I think they tried to become a cultural hotspot for a long time. Yeah. And they declared, these are our sister cities. And the city I'm from, Adelaide, is one of those sister cities.
Starting point is 00:45:44 With Austin. Austin and Adelaide, is one of those sister cities. With Austin. Austin and Adelaide. And so for years, Austin would, like there were cultural emissaries going back and forth. We were on each other's websites. There would be little things about Austin
Starting point is 00:45:54 and we would hope little things about Adelaide in Austin. But when it came time for South by Southwest to open an Australian one, they went with Sydney and we're furious with Austin as a town. But they did this whole, we're furious with Austin as a town.
Starting point is 00:46:05 But they did this whole, we're building an alliance. It's good. And then Sydney goes, I know you've got this relationship, but do you want some more money? And they went, yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:46:13 Sydney was the obvious choice though. How dare you? How very dare you? Come on, man. The numbers got to work. We're trying so hard to be cool. Sydney's basically megalopolis. Man, that harbour harbor i've forgotten that
Starting point is 00:46:26 you'd gotten to see yeah sydney's crazy it's the best one adelaide adelaide's nice too and i guess i mean you could pull it off but it's like we have a big festival once we have a fringe festival okay that's uh so adelaide is really well populated and full of people two months a year and then it goes back to the way we like it yeah with nobody the fringe festival is two months a year and then it goes back to the way we like it yeah with nobody the French festival is two months oh man it's like six weeks and there are other festivals
Starting point is 00:46:49 there's a big world music festival with Madelaide so you guys have the infrastructure to pull off South by Southwest we definitely do it's all we do is have one big festival
Starting point is 00:46:57 at a time so you guys want two we got greedy we should be happy with what we've got I'm going to get to the A-list people. That's who you can get. Let me hear.
Starting point is 00:47:08 All right. Britney Spears is free. She's free to talk to anybody. She's got a long, weird story. I want to talk to her father. Perfect. I'd like to interview her father. Perfect.
Starting point is 00:47:20 And just, you know, maybe he's not such a bad guy. People paint him as like this big villain, but, like... Well, the second she was making her own choices, she was knife dancing with her clothes off. Exactly. Yes. He probably feels bad that, you know, she got, like, sacrificed, basically, to, like, the child.
Starting point is 00:47:39 He offered up his daughter to Moloch. Yeah. Yeah. I don't understand why you do that because i don't allow your children to become yeah don't yeah i mean i guess it's like again you could probably make a fuck ton of money but i don't think they were like poor it's one thing if you're poor i get it if you're poor and you're like look i mean i have five kids i want to just put one of them into like i know but i struggle with my middle child. Yeah. Because he, who I'm hiding from celebrities so much, I don't even, we don't know his name.
Starting point is 00:48:09 True. But he's so, whenever we're in a group setting, even though he's stroppy and loud, there's a lot of, he's very charismatic and he wins over everybody there. And a little part of me thinks, we could get you, you could act. He can follow direction. He's got big feelings yeah yeah people tell me anecdotes about him of all the children and they can understand what he says and my daughter people yeah she's saying great things but people you know the speech impediment he pronounciates yeah but i think a lot of my financial problems would go away if we started a a tick tock for you and i think that
Starting point is 00:48:47 must be what people are doing yeah they want to grift on their kids i think it's more unrealized dreams i think it's kind of like people who are like i didn't get to do this but i'm gonna make sure yeah you do all the things you need to do from an early age to like guarantee. I wanted to be 16 in my pajamas on Rolling Stone magazine. Mm-hmm. But my daughter's going to do it. Yeah, dude. I think that's my theory. I think that's what happens.
Starting point is 00:49:12 Tennis? Absolutely. Yeah. So many tennis dads. I didn't realize how serious tennis was, man. Oh, boy. It's so fucking serious. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:49:20 Like tennis schools and all that stuff. Academy. Yeah. Yeah, infinite. Have you read infinite jest yeah i mean that's that's where i became aware of it like tennis was serious i thought people just like fucked around and played tennis it looks so fun i know we just have a little it's actually so hard you ever try to play i'm terrible it's so hard i've tried once and i was like yeah
Starting point is 00:49:37 this is not it's like when someone's never played basketball you're like yeah just don't even played by a certain age it's like don't even but when you see some what i like about basketball and tennis tennis especially but basketball deep into their 50s people who you're just hanging out and there's there'll be a hoop and a ball and stuff and you go this is a whole part of you that i didn't know about this is beautiful you can keep doing this yeah and then the legs start going. But tennis, you can be 70 and still. Still play, yeah. Although it shreds your knees, man. That like side to side, stop and go.
Starting point is 00:50:10 Well, you start doing doubles and not having to move as much. That's a good one. But I feel bad. People develop all those football skills. You're 23. Football's finished. Yeah. For you.
Starting point is 00:50:20 You got to coach. Almost always. You got to coach. You do have to coach. But then, yeah. And there are so many coaching roles. Yeah, there are. But yeah, you're right. That is a. Almost always. You've got to coach. You do have to coach. But then, yeah. And there are so many coaching roles. Yeah, there are. But yeah, you're right.
Starting point is 00:50:28 That is a... Yeah, I don't know, man. I'm so nervous about that. Of like... Like putting your kid into Nickelodeon. It must seem awesome and your kid's probably pumped. But...
Starting point is 00:50:38 I guess they don't... And they probably didn't know, obviously, that like... Like with Nickelodeon... That that would happen. I think they were Disney. The Disney people. Yeah. That mouse was getting up to some nefarious... JT, Britney Spears. that like like with Nickelodeon that would happen I think they were Disney the Disney people yeah
Starting point is 00:50:45 that mouse was getting up to some nefarious JT Britney Spears oh so many Ryan Gosling yeah Christina Aguilera
Starting point is 00:50:55 yep there was a fifth one and then this new generation I'm just Chapel Rowan wasn't I don't think I think she was a real
Starting point is 00:51:01 person but Sabrina Carpenter was in that world Arianna Arianna Grandi she wasn't i don't think i think she's a real person but sabrina carpenter was in that world uh ariana arianda grandy she wasn't she was she was very sexualized as a child really in one of their disney shows and there are weird compilations of you know a 15 year old ariana grande being covered in slime and like that's nickelodeon that's nickelodeon that is nickelodeon is that nickelodeon i don't know that any of these are looking after the... Yeah, Disney doesn't do slime. Nickelodeon is also...
Starting point is 00:51:28 They would have slime in the plot somewhere. Yeah. And it wasn't... Yeah, slime though in Nickelodeon. Everyone getting slimed. Yeah, I mean, when I was a kid, I was kind of like, yeah, it's a funny gag, but it's like, yeah, it puts you in a weird position because then as an adult,
Starting point is 00:51:43 you have to be like, what do you think this is? Is this supposed to be like cum? And they're like, what, dude? What the fuck? And you're like, no. It's obviously meant yeah, it puts you in a weird position because then as an adult, you have to be like, what do you think this is? Is this supposed to be like cum? And they're like, what, dude? What the fuck? And you're like, no. It's obviously meant to be cum. I said this about Billie Eilish over and over again. Was she on Nickelodeon?
Starting point is 00:51:53 No, but she was... Slimed? Man, there would be video after... They would sexualize her as a child in a way that if you noticed it, you would seem like a pervert. But they were definitely doing it. So she would have baggy clothes and they'd go, look at that.
Starting point is 00:52:08 They're hiding her body. This is respectful. But then she'd wear a necklace the likes of which I've never seen. It was just one heavy chain going down the middle, isolating her huge child breasts. It was the only way
Starting point is 00:52:22 to draw more attention to this child with another one every video there would be there are so many music videos where there's like something running down her face and the cameras up here and she's here you know yeah in a classic pornographic type video set up and there's like she's got like black tears for some reason or a nose but there's a liquid dripping on her face from that angle. And you go, that is not an accident.
Starting point is 00:52:48 Yeah. Well, it's an ancient ritual. We've always taken like the prima donnas from like a village. Yes. Used to be like you like cut off their skin and wear it. So now we just kind of like. Return to tradition. I think so.
Starting point is 00:52:59 It's very, it's very, there's something ingrained in us to like prop up like one or two very young women and just like project their image. The whole society is based around one woman. Yeah, dude. And then we too destroy that woman. If she doesn't walk away at the right time, we find a way to hate her. You can't walk away. It's impossible to walk away. I'll tell you who's walked away beautifully.
Starting point is 00:53:20 Who? Margot Robbie. I don't remember. Yeah, I know. I fell off. She's pregnant now. Okay. That's what you can do is you can start having children when you're like 31.
Starting point is 00:53:31 It used to be 27, but with surgery now we can get you to 30. We can drag you through another couple of years. And then you've got to just never do media again until you come back as America's mom. Yeah, that's a good point. I never, I like fell off like teenage divas after like Christina Aguilera, Britney Spears. I kind of just like totally,
Starting point is 00:53:51 I didn't know who Chapel Roan was. She's, it's only this, she's pretty recent. Three, four months that she's, the album came out last year and it's huge. She's. Really?
Starting point is 00:54:01 Yeah, they're pushing a new wave. What about Billie Eilish now? Like not a big. Second album. Didn't have hits. Yeah. she's really yeah they're pushing what about billy is billy eilish now like not a big second album didn't have hits yeah uh just pleasantly off off you go into the night she's kind of gone yeah but now it's chapel roan who it's chapel run should wise the fuck up start walking the line i like that she's she's still she's pushing back but even snl went after i know that's that's how i became aware of the whole thing
Starting point is 00:54:26 yeah a whole force of their like propaganda machine yeah it's like the atlantic i think the atlantic maybe wrote something about her like you're actually fucking head in chapel ron bitch i don't know i could be wrong it might not be we send you the emails in the morning but snl coming down on how old is chapel run Chapel Road? She's, I think, 23. All right. She's an adult. I thought she was like a teenager. She's come in later. There were a couple of these that were...
Starting point is 00:54:52 Charlie XCX was trying for a long time to be... Like, they were pushing her for a long time, and then finally she's broken through. Really? And I tell you what, immediately after she had her big album, which was Brat, Kamala Harris, all of her youth it's your knowledge of dmd this is crazy all all of kamala harris's when it overlaps with politics i know about it and also i just know a lot about it the uh when she it was brat brat was the whole thing and it was like and kamala harris's team
Starting point is 00:55:23 came out and they changed all their logos to like the Brat branding. And they said, and then CharlieXCX came out and went, Kamala is Brat. And then another big step up for CharlieXCX. That was necessary. We'll give you a little credibility. Make sure you use it the right way. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:55:38 They called her Brat. She called Kamala Brat. She called Mamala Brat. And then Mamala was like, yes, you may pass. Yes, I am Brat. And then Mamala was like, yes, you may pass. Yes, I am Brat. Chapel Roan, dude. That's going to be a... The weird thing, too, is they always have to have...
Starting point is 00:55:53 There's like... What would it be called? Like teenage diva stardom. Is it in phases where they have to eventually break out? And then they have this like, I'm like in a like a fully sexualized adult woman yes the whore face yes brittany cyrus is the most notable one yeah spears did it like crazy man she was like in a big way yep yeah that was uh aguilera was always kind of a nasty little slut so i think that was fine yes they went for she actually went the opposite way i'm not saying that too no she
Starting point is 00:56:19 came increasingly conservative yeah because her big early on hits it's like here here are some trousers that show my vagina yeah and i'm covered in oil with all these big gay men that always does the script so she became just kind of she was like singing her last few hits were like she was dressed very conservatively and singing like candy a man sweet talk like world war ii style oh wow uh very buttoned down conservative no prude like an old whore as the old saying goes but miley cyrus had a i'm a grown-up album before the one that everyone knew about that had a big flop so she had party in the usa that was like i'm a fun teen yeah real person then there was an album nobody knows about which she tried to go a little bit dark it was like was that the wrecking ball and all that stuff it was before wrecking ball this was the this was the attempt to do that in a normal way
Starting point is 00:57:08 and it failed spectacularly and so rather than like middle they triple down it's like you're in your underpants you're licking stuff that's who you are now whoa and it really worked i mean that was that was the biggest cultural moment maybe of my lifetime was miley cyrus there was a letter from who the hell did i think it was uh shanae o'connor yeah wrote miley cyrus a letter and was like dude these guys yeah they're telling you what to do or exploiting you and they're gonna leave you in the dust once you turn a certain age and i think i think shanae had entered her muslim phase by that point true true true I'm gonna I'm gonna finish I'm gonna finish it
Starting point is 00:57:49 you can give me yes no's and if anything jumps out you can I think Yoko Ono is my biggest one would be the most
Starting point is 00:57:57 exciting I think you see the thumbnail yeah Matt and Shane secret podcast episode whatever it is
Starting point is 00:58:04 512 Yoko Ono. 512. Yoko Ono. And she's sitting in a little wheelchair. She's that old? She's very old. Really? Yeah. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:13 I don't want an old lady in a wheelchair. All right. I'll put my foot down against that. I wouldn't feel great having her just in there. She's the most exciting person, I think. Really? Yeah. I love her. She's a great poet. Great I think. Really? Yeah, I love her.
Starting point is 00:58:25 She's a great poet, great visual artist. I don't know much about her. See, you should interview her. I don't know much about her. I don't know. Some of this started off as my list. Yeah.
Starting point is 00:58:34 And I just can't get Yoko. Now, I think the Dalai Lama as a spiritual guy would be sick. And I think you would be able to push him because you also know a lot of the Dalai Lama, the jagged edges that
Starting point is 00:58:51 groovy people don't like to talk about with the Dalai Lama. Treatment of the ladies, kissing that boy. What was the ladies? I saw him kiss that boy. I think sometimes the Dalai Lama will just go, let me need to shut up.
Starting point is 00:59:03 Okay. So you wouldn't even have to really press him on it. You could just say, tell me more about this interesting Eastern philosophy. He does. He says that. He's like, women need to just be quiet. And they don't like talking about it outside of... I know what you're saying.
Starting point is 00:59:16 They really want his holiness. Whenever I hear people refer to the Dalai Lama like that, I'm always kind of like, what are you up to? Why are you sucking up to the Dalai Lama? Yeah, why are you sucking up to the Dalai Lama? Yeah, why are you sucking up to the Dalai Lama? I don't know. I think he's cool, I guess. I don't know anything about him, but I don't really know why. When people are like, his holiness, the Dalai Lama, I'm like, pfft. I think he's
Starting point is 00:59:34 gettable. It's possible. Yeah. But I would have him on. Again, I have no allegiance to the Dalai Lama whatsoever. That's very important you maintain that position if we're to get Jackie Chan on the show. That's true. I mean that position If we're to get Jackie Chan on the show That's true I mean a huge Some
Starting point is 00:59:48 Ellen DeGeneres is looking to humanize herself again Really? Yeah she had a comedy special and she just come out She talks a lot about Everyone hates me I was a toxic boss I think I was on her side during that I would love to have Ellen on that'd be great
Starting point is 01:00:04 Because honestly I was bullshit her side during that. I would love to have Ellen on. That'd be great. Because honestly, I was bullshit. They're like, she's mean. It's like, dude, she's running a fucking multi-million dollar organization. It's like, go get her coffee and shut the fuck up, dude. No one will take that stance at the top level except for you. You are the perfect person. If Ellen's looking to rehabilitate herself and connect with a new post-woke fan base. True.
Starting point is 01:00:26 Dude, I'm team Ellen right now, dude. I'm obviously team... Just because, again, I don't really know much about her, but I know she was painted in kind of an unfair light. Yeah. She's mean. Whenever it's an abuse thing and it's not sexual, I don't care.
Starting point is 01:00:39 Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It was like, she's mean to you. Jeffrey Tambor shouted at people on set. I think he did some other stuff too. Really? But that's what originally people were angry about is he made the girl who got coffee cry.
Starting point is 01:00:50 And it's like, all right, so what? He's a 50s dad? I mean. What else did he do that was so bad? I think he was rubbing up on people. He was rubbing up on people. Yeah, there was some rubbing up, I believe. Yeah, you got to pick one or the other.
Starting point is 01:01:04 You can't be like an angry guy making people cry and rubbing up on people. That's kind of untoward. Well, that's why you should have the anger so you don't have to rub up on people. Exactly. It's a healthy... Keep them all at bay. Yeah, he should have just went with just being like absolutely mean and terrible. I think this is why the left wants everybody masturbating.
Starting point is 01:01:27 everybody masturbating to to drain men and so that we're all more relaxed and more compliant during society in society yeah i could see that if i wanted a population i could control they would be stoned and have come 10 hours ago minimum yeah true although yeah but the weed is tricky because then people get like pretty far out when you're like smoking a ton of, you get really like, yo, who's even in charge of this right now? But you don't necessarily do something about it. Yeah, true. Whereas if people drink and smoke cigarettes, they're ready. Once the weed guy tells them who to... Where is he?
Starting point is 01:01:59 That's fair. Yeah, dude, I'm scared of the weed now. It's too strong, man. Is the legal weed very strong all of it is but you can get it now they're finally walking it back where you can get it where it's like not that strong and it's very very pleasant doesn't send you into like a mild episode of psychosis it just genuinely like relaxes you and you can just kind of sit there pretty clear-headed and just like i'm seeing that every hotel I go into now will have, every fancy hotel, if I'm on the
Starting point is 01:02:27 road and I'm lucky enough to get to stay in a fancy hotel, there will be a canister of CBD somewhere. Like cream, you're saying? Like some sort of like oil or a biscuit, just something to be like. Oh, I got what you're saying. Calm yourself down. Kind of like a relaxer. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:02:42 Here's the wine. Here's the CBD. So they're starting to kind of like take the, the cbd is what they call like the hemp plant so they're starting to just like cross it with regular weed now so the rather than it being like 33 thc it's coming in at like nine percent and then like ten percent cbd and it's just very it's very like relaxing it's like an anti cbd is like like... Well, the rest of it is the bulk weight of the flour, I guess. So it's like the plant material. But yeah, they're starting to make it now
Starting point is 01:03:11 where it's actually relaxing and not... It's going full circle. It's going back to the original way it was. Just 60s guys sitting around talking to each other. Yep. Just kind of chilling, not like... That's why I never touched it because I was afraid of the...
Starting point is 01:03:23 My mom told me that we had schizophrenia in the family. I since found out that's not true and there was maybe one grandmother who had some postnatal depression but that was the technique never you've never smoked me before no never you've never gotten high no well not off marijuana there was definitely a phase where it's not like i'm a big straight edge person for sure there was a huge codeine and wine binge. Yeah. Which is way worse for you than marijuana, I believe. But no, I never... I went to a big weed high school. And even uncool people. Weed was everywhere.
Starting point is 01:03:55 And so I never... No, I never got into it. Yeah, it's a tricky one, man. It's one of those things that... I smoked a lot of weed when I was growing up and it is like it's weird because it can like kind of it's not like a you're not like apparently like that fucked up yeah like if you're like doing tons of like opiates or like meth you're like people like yo dude something's wrong with you yeah with weed it just kind it can kind of like tilt you a little bit slightly that like you it's not noticeable but after like 10
Starting point is 01:04:24 years you're like damn that guy's fucking weird as shit kind of like tilts your ship like two degrees so over the course of time you just get kind of like it's a slow moving yeah it can be and then some people i know are like lawyers that just like yes weed all day and just can kind of hone in i'm finding this of cocaine people as well where you know in movies, cocaine was always like, it's Tony Montana, and it's going to drive him to be in love with his sister and shoot up the government and also run the drug trade. But I know so many people who do a little cocaine all of the time, and they're just sort of on top of things. It's a very businessy drug. Very businessy. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:05:06 Yeah, I don't really... I'm terrified of it, though. Oh, it scares the heck out of me. Terrified of cocaine. But I look forward to being a heroin man towards the end, like the grandfather. That'd be nice. What's it called?
Starting point is 01:05:20 Little Miss Sunshine. Pull like a straw hat down, just kind of... That'd be nice. Smoking black tar heroin with my family just kind of. That'd be nice. Smoking black tar, heroin, with my family all around me. That'd be awesome. Grandpa's taking it easy. This is my plan. Look, that's most of the people on the list, except for, now I wonder, there are some controversial
Starting point is 01:05:38 people that I wonder with the Ellen one, if you two would have the interesting take. So like, where are you at on lance armstrong cool yeah is he controversial not neil armstrong no lance yeah yeah that'd be fine well because he took all those drugs and the oxygen that's what i like everybody did that's what i'm talking about yeah where can he go to have the common sense conversation at a top level about how everyone was taking him and you're the man. Yeah, I think the guy after he got... Didn't the first three people or whatever...
Starting point is 01:06:10 It's like the 25th guy in the competition ends up with the medal. Yeah, that's what I heard. And that's probably just because they haven't... No one bothered to test the 25th guy. Yeah, Lance Armstrong. He's a friend of the podcast. Is he a friend of the podcast he reached out one time we were talking about that yeah he reached out was like yo he like or he like no he
Starting point is 01:06:30 like retweeted or like re-shared a clip of us talking about him he's already the roads are paved to lance armstrong what maybe you could help me get like that where did you come down in the dip heard feud johnny dip and amber heard boys versus girls yeah yeah yeah that isn't easy yeah all day long but i think he's back i think he's been normalized now he won that was actually was kind of not like good for him he didn't it was a huge victory yeah it was kind of huge for all mankind yeah that was a that was a big victory i've got one friend who is like a men's rights activist type guy and he did a very deep dive on it and he is a pro-herd person. He's like, I think she was telling the truth and she's been monstered and we needed a woman to take a fall for the society to be neutral again.
Starting point is 01:07:17 But we might have got the wrong lady. So I'd be interested to hear his views. I don't agree necessarily. I don't know enough about it. No, that's interesting. That she she actually he was actually a monster maybe he was he thinks that he was a monster but everything else in his politics would lend you to think yeah he'd be team dep yeah but he's not and he started out i think team dep and then really did the research and fell down the pro amber youtube video essays damn yeah that's kind of
Starting point is 01:07:46 interesting how do you feel about gucci mane i like gucci mane have you read the gucci manes guide to greatness i didn't read his philosophy i didn't read it do you know about his philosophies no i have his autobiography but i haven't read that yet his follow-up book where he gives the rules for life guide to greatness how is it you read it i read it how'd you like it i disagree with a couple of things because he's ultimately a pragmatist but no one sums up
Starting point is 01:08:08 materialist conservatism better than Gucci Mane nice he's like I'm not having kids until they make me money used to be
Starting point is 01:08:17 you'd have kids work out send them to the factory they add an asset to your household now children are taking away so he wants to figure out how he can monetize his kids? Yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:27 That's pretty sick. It's interesting. He's in a position. He can turn them all into little actors and stuff. Yeah. I mean, it's nice to think of a man with a huge ice cream and a lightning bolt on his cheek who's really turning around now and he's very fit and healthy. Yeah, yeah.
Starting point is 01:08:41 He's talking about how to optimize your credit. It's kind of nice. With the ice cream. There's a lot of those dudes kicking around though they're like um walk a flock of flame i've seen him talking about the importance of straightening out your credit yep yep yeah well there's a lot of guys in general who are hitting that like um was like a was addicted to drugs now you know ceo business motivator yes that's that's a that's like a that homeless guy that you spoke to the ex-homeless guy yeah i'm i'm getting his book yeah oh it's great i i'm looking forward to
Starting point is 01:09:11 it he's wonderful but just the jerry clickstein oh you're a very good interviewer but he's not he's not a you got that i mean he was also a good guest he's a great guest he's also not he's not like a motivational he's more of a uh memoirs point so i'm talking about like guys who are like i think what it is is you get off of drugs you become a motivational speaker and then open your own rehab that becomes kind of like a and it's whatever you know people some people need to do it i'm not against it no but it means you have an angle for when you're you have credibility on how to you also make a ton of money because there's no shortage of people on drugs and they need they need to figure something out my uh i was talking to spud recently and uh he said he saw like tucker talking live it was like tucker jones yes and he was
Starting point is 01:09:57 talking like tucker was talking about how like when someone's addicted to drugs like the he was like kind of flaming the democrats he was like their policy being like, well, just give them needles and give them a space to do drugs. He was like, nobody would do that for their own family member. He's like, if you love somebody, you wouldn't give them more drugs and more needles. No, you want to strap them to a table and say you're not on heroin anymore. Stop. Stop doing that. I just thought that was interesting to be like that. It's not something you do when you love somebody. You would never give your kid, if your kid not on heroin anymore. Yeah, stop. Stop doing that. I just thought that was interesting to be like that. It's not something you do
Starting point is 01:10:25 when you love somebody. You would never give your kid, if your kid was on heroin, you'd never be like, yeah, here's needles. I just want you having the heroin in the house where it's safe. We're going to set up
Starting point is 01:10:34 a little room for you to shoot up and have a doctor. But this is the divorce of like, I don't know when this started. The neocons are really big on this where it's like, everything has to be free market
Starting point is 01:10:43 and very cutthroat and everyone look out for yourself. Also, the family is a huge exception. But I think before then, certainly the Catholic social teaching model was like, it just goes out in levels of care. I mean, the whole world should become your family. You should treat... You shouldn't do... In business, you shouldn't act in a way that you wouldn't want to...
Starting point is 01:11:04 If you were dealing with somebody, that's the way you do business with your son or't, in business, you shouldn't act in a way that you wouldn't want to, if you were dealing with somebody, that's the way you do business with your son or your brother. Yeah, yeah. Like this ripping people off. If you give someone a loan and they can't pay it, just forgive it
Starting point is 01:11:14 and talk to them and move past it. And even then, when you give them a loan, you shouldn't charge interest for that loan. You shouldn't like, you shouldn't buy everything up
Starting point is 01:11:22 and rise the price. And the fact that you can have like family values and still do and like destroy the society that you're in that your family then
Starting point is 01:11:30 has to grow up in it makes no sense yeah yeah you have to roll deep it's a big crew it's true that's a good point
Starting point is 01:11:38 but I like I think Tucker is pushing against that he's definitely he's he's I think he is I think he makes a lot of sense man i like tucker i'd love to have tucker on that'd be a nice one tucker would be
Starting point is 01:11:49 he'd be good also very he's pretty far out too man he's like real into like interdimensional spiritual beings and stuff with he and alex jones the second you they just i love that they seem uh nuts when people people go these guys are great. And you dig into it. And they're actually like thoughtful people who have some foundational beliefs that are like, yeah, they believe in interdimensional beings of some kind. Like Alex Jones is the obvious one where like, he believes in higher vibrations and lower vibrations.
Starting point is 01:12:22 This is not just like, he's not Bill O'Reilly these people are painted as being like yeah grifting people they're when Tucker was talking about
Starting point is 01:12:31 aliens and how he believes in interdimensional hovering things and like it's so congruous with him being a deadhead it's like this
Starting point is 01:12:42 this is not a grift this is a very strange person yeah for real yeah yeah I think he's a man that is not a grift. This is a very strange person. Yeah, for real. Yeah. Yeah, I think he's a man. That's not bad to be a strange person. It's interesting.
Starting point is 01:12:49 Yeah, exactly. Man, I remember, like Ben Shapiro is the opposite to that, I think, where Ben Shapiro, everything that he believes, he can really stand by
Starting point is 01:12:56 and say like, well, I believe this for this reason. And Tucker seems to come back to mystery over and over again. Yeah. Because it's beautiful. Yeah. Because I love family.
Starting point is 01:13:08 Because the world is an incredible place. Yeah, true. And you can... Man. I'm just going to quickly check. Bob Dylan, I think would be great. Too old. Too old.
Starting point is 01:13:19 I'm very ageist. You wouldn't talk to Dolly Parton, America's mother? Nope. You wouldn't talk to Stevie Wonder? No, America's mother? Nope. You wouldn't talk to Stevie Wonder? No. Okay. Well, that's it. Narendra Modi, the Prime Minister of India.
Starting point is 01:13:34 Yes, I would talk to the Prime Minister of India. All right, so who do we have? So we have Jackie Chan, Lance Armstrong, Tom Cruise, Oprah, Mel Gibson. Those are all still yeses? Or are you going to scrap any of them out? I would take off Tom Cruise and Oprah now, actually Those are all still yeses? Or are you going to Scrapping in and out? I would take off Tom Cruise and Oprah now actually Now that I think about it
Starting point is 01:13:49 Mel's a yes Yeah Eddie's out Johnny Depp In Alright Yoko's out Hold on
Starting point is 01:13:57 Clarence Thomas is out I still think you would Have a fun vibe I would do Thomas Thinking back on it I would do Thomas CT Alright
Starting point is 01:14:04 Greta Thunberg Yeah for sure Bang No Streisand No Dylan Have a fun vibe. I would do Thomas. Thinking back on it, I would do Thomas. CT? CT. Greta Thunberg? Yeah, for sure. Bang. No Streisand. No Dylan. Brittany? Brittany's dad.
Starting point is 01:14:12 Brittany's dad, her father. I'd only interview her if her father was present. Well, that would be the most exciting piece of television anyone had ever achieved. Ellen DeGeneres is in. In. Totally in. I'm thrilled by that. Totally in. I think i think of all of these that you could go that i could go i'm gonna start sending some emails out this week
Starting point is 01:14:29 ellen degeneres ellen could really happen dude ellen actually would be pretty sick and honestly it's like i don't really again i don't know uh she's also boys with george bush weirdly which apparently george bush now is like a saint of like he's like the liberals like prop him up now he was the last great republican, which is kind of weird. I just remember him being called a Nazi a lot by everybody. No, now he's like... Yeah, now he's... Michelle Obama's hugging him.
Starting point is 01:14:54 Exactly. They're watching baseball together. He's like the old guard. Yeah, he's like the old guard. Yeah, but the... I'd like to have Eleanor. I can talk to Eleanor DeGeneres. I've got to say, the more I find out about the war in Iraq, the less I like it.
Starting point is 01:15:05 Yeah, it's pretty crazy. I was all for it when I was 11. I don't remember being very gung-ho about it. I remember just being kind of like, oh, no. Oh, man. Oh, no. No, my dad was all for it. And we were Unitarians, and we left the church.
Starting point is 01:15:22 Because it's just like a very wishy-washy, nothing place. But then they were all like anti the liberation of Iraq. That was a big part of it. In our household, we call it the liberation of Iraq. So, Iraqi freedom. Yeah, that was the operation. With the Coalition of the Willing, which I just found out that Canada wasn't in. Really?
Starting point is 01:15:42 Yeah. They went to Afghanistan. Some of them went to Afghanistan but a lot of, some of them went to Iraq but not Afghanistan. Like, the Poles didn't want to get involved in Afghanistan but they joined up for Iraq.
Starting point is 01:15:52 Yeah. Australia went to both. We, Respect. We did all the war crimes you needed us to do. Yeah. Some of that's coming out now.
Starting point is 01:16:01 If you have been enjoying this episode so far, why not join the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan Patreon? Itto is a very good Patreon. You want to read right now Bertrand Russell's autobiography? How's that? It's pretty great. It's pretty...
Starting point is 01:16:20 I think I bought it, but I never read it. It's pretty great, man. It's just him just like, as a he's like he starts off being like really young and just like the huge letdowns of his life which is funny because like his parents die early yeah and he's raised by his grandfather right yeah and it's like a great answer or whoever and then uh but like he like kind of glosses over his parents dying because he's i mean he's going by his memory so he's like i just all of a sudden i'm in this place and he was like at one point one of like the biggest blows to his like child psyche which is really funny is he was told he was mating a lion they're like we're gonna bring a young lion
Starting point is 01:16:52 but the guy's name was l-y-o-n so his little boy he was expecting like all weekend to see a lion and then he got there and like oh this is this guy sir lion he was like fuck devastated him for the rest of it i don't remember my parents at all but I remember that distinctly. And then there was a I think a doctor who told him that after he got a shot or something he was going to get a sponge cake.
Starting point is 01:17:15 And he had only had cake twice in his life before that and he said it was an absolutely like sublime transcendent experience. And then after he got like whatever medical thing done he was like where's my cake sir and the guy was like the fuck out of here and he said that like completely fucking devastated him so they were like some of his hardships he wasn't allowed to eat fruit one of my hardships is the same i want to talk about the fruit but i was at an agricultural fair as a as a
Starting point is 01:17:40 young boy in adelaide and they were looking for volunteers to come up onto the stage. That's how they said it. And they said, we need to get some kids up on this stage. Who's a kid who wants to come up on the stage? And I was like, please, I would love to. They said, oh, you guys are children. We need a kid. And they brought out like a kid goat. And I, that, one of my angry i sometimes wake up at night thinking about how
Starting point is 01:18:07 angry i am that i thought i'd get to go up on stage and he brought out a fucking goat a goat um what happened with the fruit he was never late to eat fruit apparently among the like uh i guess like the elite british and like when i think it was like whenever he was i think it was like some period in the 1800s when he was alive or when he's a little kid they um like the late 1800s but they thought it was unhealthy for kids to eat fruit so he was almost on like a ketogenic diet as like a little kid okay they thought it was unhealthy for children yeah i thought it was unhealthy and but like the he had like servants and stuff because he was from like a lord's house yeah so like a lot of like the irish servants would like slip him apples like he has like a treat these cheeky irish scoundrels gorge himself
Starting point is 01:18:48 on but he was he said you know why they were doing it they were doing that to destroy the british aristocracy with fruit if we feed that if we feed their children fruit yeah he would just munch apples like secretly and he had like little he looked almost like a rabbit den he like it dug a hole in the ground where he would take like servant girls when he was like still really little kid what he would like kiss around with certain boobs and stuff yeah and then that's great because he seems so dry as an old man dude he was he was he lived a very passionate life he thought about suicide all the time yeah constantly thought about killing himself as a little boy yeah as a little boy he like he just he couldn't open up to anyone around him because you said this is much better than I thought.
Starting point is 01:19:26 It's pretty great. Some of it's kind of dry, and he goes through his struggles with his worldview early on. Yeah, because he becomes an atheist fairly early, and I think holds to that pretty dogmatically. When he was younger, he believed that God created the physical laws, the scientific physical laws of the universe, and then just kind of abandoned humanity to live in this physical plane. Maybe the least happy worldview. So he believed in God for a while.
Starting point is 01:19:51 But he believed in God. Yeah, but to believe in a transcendent, all-powerful God who just doesn't care about you? Yeah. That's so much worse than there's nothing out there. You have it.
Starting point is 01:19:59 But that would also make sense of his childhood, right? Like, what's his view of God? Literally, a father. Like, he had a father. My father's not here. I just have the world and the life my literal father gave me. Yeah, well, there's a huge pressure to, like, be super scientific.
Starting point is 01:20:13 If you walked around as a teenager back then, you're like, I strictly look at the world as objective phenomenon. People are like, dude, you fucking rule. It was, like, very rebellious and cool to be like, it's all I believe in is physical phenomenon. Well, I think they hadn't been... The First World War hadn't confronted them at that point. Yeah, true. If I'm getting his timing right. And so it was like...
Starting point is 01:20:33 In your lifetime, you saw trains exist for the first time. Yeah. You saw people not dying of smallpox. I was like, if we just keep this literal train going of progress... His brother became a Buddhist. We're all still going to be happy. Excommunicated his brother literal train going of progress his brother became a Buddhist we're all still gonna be happy excommunicated his brother he excommunicated his brother
Starting point is 01:20:49 well no his family was just like we're not fucking talking now because his brother became a Buddhist yeah it was just so weird back then he was like what the fuck
Starting point is 01:20:54 yeah so they were like fuck that guy stop talking to him it's a weird time to read about like the late 1800s are so bizarre yeah
Starting point is 01:21:02 no one's talking about sex sex is very... Even if you were like attracted to your wife sexually back then, it was kind of like, what are you, a pervert? It was like, you guys should just be like begrudgingly united to race. Poke it through a sheet. Yeah, for your country. But then I think the aristocrats would, they would like pretend to be like that so that
Starting point is 01:21:22 the middle classes would behave sexually and then they would all secretly be going around having so beautiful i haven't got to that part yet oh but he stopped masturbating when he was 20 he quit he was masturbating and he quit when he said he's a ghastly and he never did it again he claims he quit he like did it as it's like a boyish thing for him he was like yeah it's like what boys do but he said he would like sit there and try to study mathematics and just be like oh and he'd get so fucking torqued up that he would have to just like rub one out and he was like eventually i think we've all been there i love but he quit it was like something like little boys did that was very something about that late 19th century anti-masturbating have you heard you know about kellogg's yes all. All right. That's why. So interesting. Would you tell us?
Starting point is 01:22:06 That's why cornflakes were invented. Because a hearty breakfast gave you too much energy to masturbate. And so you needed a gruel-like breakfast so you wouldn't masturbate. Yeah. And then later in life, I think he would sew a metal wire around boys' genitals. Did he really? So that if they had an erection, it was very painful and they wouldn't want to make yeah it's not it's not ideal a lot of those early monopolists for products yeah we're doing weird the coca-cola guy i think was trying maybe it was colgate was
Starting point is 01:22:35 trying to use the money to communicate with the dead that was the whole point of colgate yeah because the 20s too are very mystical yeah you get a lot of guys like goddard and all those other guys who were like i think he was around the 20s but they were like they were like very mystical like business there's a lot of business books written in the 1920s that are very like have like a mystical bent to them and like your mind can do anything and like yeah before it was like shut the fuck up you're a shitty peasant and then people were like your mind's actually an unlimited blah blah who is the who's the guy from that time who's the first big Satanist
Starting point is 01:23:07 who do you know who I'm talking about like I don't know his name I thought he was in the who LeVay no LeVay I don't know
Starting point is 01:23:16 I'm going to look it up but there are like a lot of people connected to a prominent Satanist then and about it's weird how many times it happens that there's a an Apollonian movement and
Starting point is 01:23:26 then the dionysian that would have whether we had nature would say but like you have a romantic movement that springs up against everything being ordered and under control yeah so i found out about the uh the sacred heart of g like the the flaming heart in his chest And it's like a lady has a vision in whatever the mid 1800s. But she's opposed to all this like Protestantizing and rationalization. It's like, we shouldn't have so many idols and weird pictures.
Starting point is 01:23:55 This is upsetting people as Catholics. And then that whole weird romantic wing takes over. It's like, no, a heart that's on fire. This is, yeah, that's like mystery and the surreal and like they try and incorporate that but then it came so late like it looked i thought i would have thought that was like some sort of media i didn't know that was from no it was one of the
Starting point is 01:24:16 first big pushbacks against the materialist uh worldview it's kind of sick. Aye, I'm all about it. And then I guess to some extent we see that now. Like the 60s were very loosey-goosey and open up your mind. Age of Aquarius. Yeah. That very quickly turns into the 70s, 80s. Put on a suit. Get it done. Yeah, the Gordon Gekko stuff.
Starting point is 01:24:38 Meet the physical pleasures. I think we're completely disjointed now. I think like the post all that stuff, it just doesn't make any sense now. I wouldn't know what the culture was now. This is a lady dressed in like a trash bag who won't support the Democrats. We should be nicer, but also fuck her. And you're like, whatever. Well, this is the problem with the fragmented.
Starting point is 01:24:59 If you have a monoculture, it can go through waves and people can experience these things together. But with the media cut up into a million different little parts yeah we're all experienced the same in events but there's no like one cultural wave i mean there are people who come here and they sell out the big theaters who are comedians in the industry that i'm in who i have never heard of before yeah and then i watch it and sometimes it's great and i go why didn't i know about this but most often i go i i don't understand why this is. Yeah.
Starting point is 01:25:26 None of the cultural points that you're touching on mean anything to me. Yeah. That's why it's important to know about Chapel Rowan. True. Just feel the zeitgeist for a moment. True. I'm bad with that. I've got to get back into the – I try to read the news.
Starting point is 01:25:38 Chapel Rowan would be a very good guest. They won't do it. Chapel – I mean, I think they have no interest in it whatsoever, but I'm saying there's no way. I wouldn't even advise it for Chapel Ryan. I wouldn't want to see SNL fall on... She could go either way. I think you get to a certain point and you go,
Starting point is 01:25:57 I thought you'd all have my back. Aren't we all groovy progressives together? No. This is a corporate line. Maybe she takes that pill. She goes full trad wife. Comes out the other side that would be pretty cool
Starting point is 01:26:06 it's just an idea chapel true or she could be is she gay she's a lesbian right she if she's a she I don't know
Starting point is 01:26:13 but I think definite lesbian lesbian okay yeah we'll have to see but yeah I wouldn't want like SNL to come down on her again
Starting point is 01:26:20 I don't think it would even do anything I think she would be on people like that was weird I think you're overestimating would be like, that was weird. I think you're overestimating my cultural reach. The cultural reach of SNL
Starting point is 01:26:29 to a Texas- No, I'm not saying that. I'm talking about mine. I don't think it would even matter. Matt, that's not true. I've walked through an airport with you.
Starting point is 01:26:38 You are Oprah to these young people. Well, that's what I believe you have the capacity to be the great interviewer of the time. And I won't make this drag on for more than an hour and a half.
Starting point is 01:26:49 Perfect. But I want to thank you for coming on the pod. Thank you so much, man. It's been a real joy. Appreciate you, bro. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel.
Starting point is 01:26:59 I'm Jessie Crookshank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge.
Starting point is 01:27:17 And it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessi Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show.
Starting point is 01:27:52 I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow,
Starting point is 01:28:12 and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.

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