The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Matt McCusker - Champagne Podcasting
Episode Date: October 4, 2024Listen to the Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast: https://www.mssecretpodcast.com/Get around Matt: https://www.instagram.com/mccuskermatthewj/Peep the visual component: https://www.youtube.com/channel/UC...X8puwySi2vmz0YxCqoYMCg/videosJoin the 500 club: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccannGIGS, Houston, Chicago, Tulsa: www.jdfmccann.comGET YOUR PAMPHLET TODAY: https://www.jdfmccann.com/pamphletGSTK out now on YoutuBe: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XivuZOzcUUsBuy the books: https://www.jdfmccann.com/books Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.
Transcript
Discussion (0)
Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan.
If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon.
That's patreon.clom.
Clom? Ah, we f***ed it.
Anyway, look, you'll find a way.
Catamaran Home! and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 powered by Gemini. Anyone who knows me knows the Pixel has always been my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had.
Now, with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant.
Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails,
I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver.
And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help, and bam!
Instant inspiration.
You can learn more
about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts.
Here's a show that we recommend.
I'm Jessi Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in
pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend.
I phone my old friend, Dan Levy.
You will not die hosting the Hills after show.
I get thirsty for the hot wiggle.
I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines.
And I get schooled by a tween.
Facebook is like a no, that's what my grandma's on.
Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook.
It's out now wherever you get your podcasts.
ACAST helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere.
ACAST.com This is an explicit episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Clan.
Usually James edits out the explicit parts because he wants more people to listen to the podcast
so he can buy a boat more quickly.
But this podcast was so explicit as to make editing it practically impossible.
Matt McCusker, thank you for being here on the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Clan.
We just get straight into it.
We make it happen.
It's an honor.
You're easily the best,
the most successful guest
we've ever had on the show.
Dude, I appreciate that.
It's an honor.
Thank you so much, man.
And I have now,
I have something to talk to you about.
Let's have it.
All right.
Well, when I came to America,
I'm taking the hat off.
It's too formal.
When I came to America,
I had a plan of,
I made a list of all the interesting people
in America and the world. And I thought, why not just get in contact to america i had a plan of i would i've made a list of all the interesting people in america
and the world and i thought why not just get in contact with all those people and have them on
the show it's a good idea well i've found i've wrote some of them letters and they didn't all
get back to me but you're in a weird position at the moment because you've got a huge podcast
the structure of which has recently changed and you're doing a lot more solo interviews
and as a i believe in no i no good idea wasted you know even if i can't use it for me to have a boat
okay i would like to today uh pitch to you i was going to save this until halfway through i was
going to open with chit chat i'm too excited this is my idea if i was going to have champagne i
didn't do it in time that's fair This is champagne podcasting
Really?
Just ideas that you could have
I've got at first
A list of people
Please
Who you shouldn't have
For champagne comedy
Who you wouldn't need
Wait so champagne comedy
Is the theme of it?
Champagne podcasting
Okay
There was an old sketch
Of champagne sketch comedy
But they did a bad sketch
On an Australian TV show
And they kept having suits
I was going to do all that
And I didn't do any of that We had a rough night we had a rough night with the kids yeah i
didn't sleep much either last night oh boy but you're a great interviewer is the first thing
i dude i can't tell then lowry no i loved it glenn was fun that was fun that one felt good the uh the
musician who i'd never heard of before marcus King. Yes. Yeah, he was great too.
Pearls came out.
You're very natural.
I'm not a good interviewer.
Something else.
I don't know if I am.
I appreciate that.
I'm like disassociated for the first 10 minutes.
Can you meet someone for the first time? Getting Glenn's book wrong was powerful.
Having gone to all the effort of Reddit.
That's a strong move, I think.
It wasn't a move.
I just said the wrong title i enjoyed it but
i have yeah i have been like if i over prepare it puts you in a weird area if you're kind of like
i gotta remember this you got if i do that for anything for stand-up it fucks me up you have
to just like chill well look some people can do it in a comedy setting no one does that well
lex friedman is not trying to be funny yeah he has his suit and his questions there's an indian
guy who's great at the moment have you seen this indian guy i know what you're talking about yeah
i want to break into that space of being like ultra serious okay let's see is that champagne
this is champagne podcasting all right so here's what's not on the list okay is anyone who is a
big guest that people usually get because they're a huge. Yeah. And it's like a marquee episode.
It's not to say don't get those people.
But that, you know, like Jordan Peterson.
Yeah.
Who I got to meet a couple weeks ago.
Lovely fella.
He will do everyone's podcast.
That's his thing.
He's a podcast guest.
Really?
He goes on so many podcasts.
Every week, there's like three new Jordan Peterson podcasts.
Yeah, he does actually.
And every time I see him, I'm like, great.
I'll be a Theo Vaughn talking to jordan peterson but it's still you go i i believe that that happened
champagne podcasting is about entering into unreality okay people who are so but i think
you can do it yeah yeah at least with some of them it's a long list other ones alex jones what
a great guest trying to get him you could but you could. If you got Alex Jones, people would go, yes.
That would be good.
He's on my list right now.
They wouldn't think they were living in a parallel universe anymore.
They would think, that's great that Matt got Alex Jones.
That makes sense.
You're saying if I had Mark Cuban on, it would seem kind of strange.
If I had Kamala Harris on.
That's what I'm talking about.
That would be kind of just, yeah.
There have to be people that are gettable.
It still has to be a world they have to be people that are gettable you know still has to be doable this is the weird venn diagram of bringing what is on the very peripheral yeah of possible podcast guests i got i'll just whip through the ones
that i didn't put down so they also have to be so broad that everyone would know you can see the
list slavoj zizek would be great he'd be great i did i can't i have a hard time understanding him
though yes but i love when i see him i just like watching him just kind of like do his thing as a Slavoj Žižek would be great. He'd be great. I have a hard time understanding him, though.
Yes.
But I love when I see him.
I just like watching him just kind of do his thing.
As a spectacle, it would be crazy.
Kanye, he's going to go on everyone.
David Lynch, Shia LaBeouf.
Now, some of these would be great, but too niche.
I think Eckhart Tolle would be very good for you.
He'd be great, actually.
Good call.
I don't know if you know Camille Paglia.
Yeah, I know her.
She's a big tick. She'd be great actually good call uh i don't know if you know camille yeah i know her she's a big tick she'd be good and anyone who can or would normally go on the joe rogan show
as a huge guest i'm putting out he's got that you should get it it's just not the least rhcp would
be nice red hot chili peppers would be magical but who i guess they'd only send probably anthony
kiedis and maybe flew you'd want at least you'd want John Frusciante to give up.
I would want him too, yeah.
You might have to go to Chad's house.
Three, dude, musicians are tough though,
because a lot of them, they're not like used to talking that much.
No.
So they're very comfortable with being like, yeah, man.
And you're like, come on, man, say something fucking funny.
I mean, some are great.
Yeah.
I don't know if you have the Gallagher's, you have Oasis?
You know the band Oasis?
Oasis, yeah.
They gave the best interviews.
Seemingly, none of them made it across to America.
But they hated each other, and they would just bicker with the brothers.
Hanson would be good.
Did I put Hanson on this list?
No, Hanson's not on, but Hanson would be great.
I'm going to tell you, Hanson's on a separate list, because I was looking them up last night.
Is that Benjamin Netanyahu?
Yeah.
He's not on those this but i think a world
leader one of them yeah he's like putin went on tucker and that was when everyone went that's
incredible true but i was thinking maybe in that vein someone like uh that syria guy uh
like someone who's definitely committed atrocities like the head of like hamas basically or like
well he's now exploded i believe he's exploded I think they got him but yeah someone like that is there like do they have like a thing almost like Game of Thrones or
there's like a 12 year old who like takes like succession or like yeah but he's also been
exploded exploded I saw the list I think it was the uh whatever the um what is it called the one
in Lebanon not uh Hezbo. Hezbollah? Yeah.
Hezbollah.
And had their chain structure.
And like five levels down.
They're down to like the... The two ICs have been exploded.
It's team managers now.
Oh, okay.
So now they got down to like middle management.
There is no one left to explode.
The HR lady.
The lady who's bringing out the tea.
Damn, so they dismantled Hamas?
I wasn't even...
Yeah.
They did it right under my fucking nose.
It happened very fast.
I wasn't paying attention.
And then I've been trying to read the Lebanese newspapers about it.
It's very hard to understand.
What are they saying about it?
The word martyrdom is used a lot.
Ah.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Which...
So it seems like they're going to fill the slot pretty quickly then.
What's weird is the religious leaders in Lebanon have had so much like interreligious fighting
that even like the Greek Orthodox patriarch will have like, you know, all these like Muslim
extremists have been exploded, but it's important to not make people hate Greek Orthodox people
in Lebanon that he go, we've all got to stand together.
Come on, everybody.
One.
So they're siding with basically. Vague national unity. Yeah. Yeah. orthodox people in lebanon that he got we've all got to stand together come on everybody one so
they're siding with basically vague national unity yeah yeah it's very strange to watch that is weird
but there they are they just don't want to come out and be like because they can't celebrate if
they start celebrating everyone's going to be like what the you guys yeah smiling about
you're next greeks we'll blow you guys up yeah that's the Jews of the Mediterranean
that's also the Jews
yeah
just the Jews
but of all the Mediterranean peoples
I think the Greeks most
yeah they're
ancient culture
hairy
I mean that goes back
you know
that was like
Alexander the Great
and everything
yeah
no no
what was the
no no
what was the big
empire Byzantine
oh yeah they've been in a weird position for a long time yeah very slow decline yeah Yeah. No, no. What was the big empire? Byzantine. Oh, yeah.
They've been in a weird position for a long time.
That was Greek speaking.
Yeah, very slow decline.
Yeah.
If we can get anyone from the Byzantine Empire to come on,
that would be exquisite.
Now, there are some people who I think you've burnt a bridge,
the three bills.
Gates, Clinton, Cosby.
It would be very hard.
I've heard your podcast.
None of them will come on.
It'd be fun to get Bill Gates on and pie him again.
Wouldn't it be nice?
Did you see when he got pied?
No, I didn't.
He got a pie.
Shane showed me the video of him walking into a meeting in the early 90s
and someone hit him with a cream pie.
Not, you know.
Yeah.
They hit him with an actual...
A pie of cream.
Yes.
In the face.
Do you know Tim Gunn?
No.
Who is that?
He's the host of Project Runway.
He can be on my list.
That'd be kind of nice.
He's a celibate, a very camp man.
He gave up sex in the 90s.
Wait, but he hosts Project Runway?
Yeah, he loves fashion and he talks like this.
And he goes to the designers.
So it's all designing of clothes.
Is he a gay man?
Yes, but he doesn't have any gay intercourse.
Okay.
He's celibate.
So he surrounds himself with beautiful female models now?
Yes.
All right.
He's living a very...
But he's so caring and compassionate.
And people have all these stories about Tim Gunn.
He doesn't do a lot of media,
but whenever he turns up, it's like,
he helped an old lady with a bag on a plane.
Why did he...
Did he say why he started the practice of celibacy?
I think it was the AIDS crisis.
And he found that sex wasn't necessary for him to be a happy person.
I mean, I'd want to talk to him about that.
That's pretty cool.
Yeah.
Tom Jones.
Now, here's a big one.
Here's an important one.
Jimmy Fallon on the condition that you would never go on Jimmy Fallon.
I think I can do that.
Right, because that's the power move.
No, because you could.
If you wanted to go on Jimmy Fallon, you could easily do it. Right, because that's the power move. No, because you could. If you wanted to go on Jimmy Fallon,
you could easily do it.
Thanks, guys.
But imagine,
you're a podcast guy.
You never go on Fallon.
He comes to you,
and then you are the mainstream.
Jimmy Fallon is a supplement.
I've really thought about that one.
We'll take this episode down
if that actually does happen,
because we don't.
I really thought about it. I stayed up all last night. He might have to, we'll take this episode down if that actually does happen because we don't. I really thought about it.
I stayed up all last night.
He's too silly, man.
I don't know.
He would get too silly
and I would have a tough time,
I think.
I heard he's a super nice dude.
Well, I winnowed it down
to who I thought would be
the easiest all the way.
I'm trying to get into
serious podcasting.
This guy's a fucking,
he's a buffoon.
Yes.
I want to get into
serious podcasting.
You don't want Colbert
coming on and frowning.
I want to talk about
nuclear threats and AI. Let's get get into serious podcasting. You don't want Colbert coming on and frowning at you. I want to talk about nuclear threats and AI.
Let's get to the serious list.
And a lot of these are not high-class intellectuals.
Okay.
I'm keeping the list of news over here.
All right.
Greta Thunberg would be a tremendous guest.
That would be great.
I've seen her give interviews.
I saw her sail around the world with some Australians.
Did she really?
Yeah. She was trying to get from Europe to America without flying for a climate thing.
She was on a sail?
She said, who can sail me?
And there was an Australian vlogging family who have a boat.
australian vlogging family who have a boat and they over in winter they sail across the i guess that's the atlantic ocean with greta tunberg and her father right so she's she's fighting climate
change by basically really showing how untenable flight is sorry how untenable replacing flight
because they do there are storms everyone's terrified it takes weeks that's crazy the
aussie dads in the back are going i don't want to let Greta know how dangerous this is,
but we're in real trouble.
Yeah, that's like really fucking terrifying.
It's excellent.
And she's human.
Did she pull it off?
They get there.
Okay.
Yeah.
She's very seasick.
And her father's like,
well, I just love my daughters.
And one wants to be a ballerina.
I try and make that happen.
And the other likes to-
What kind of craft are they?
What are they piloting?
It's a catamaran.
These are the people I started watching
Oh
Sailing with Vagabond
It's such a good episode
Captaining I should say
Well
How big are catamarans
They can be of many different
I've been on a
A 10 million
I've seen a 10 million dollar one
What
And that's huge
With a sail
With a
Yes
I believe it had a sail as well
Backup motor or no
Huge motors
Okay
Yeah
And then I saw a big one
with a sail
that was 1.6 million
I went to a boat show
by accident
when I was in Sydney
is it like
is it like the Mayflower
like is it a giant
like ship with a sail
or like
they are
it's two hulls
looks more like a luxury
vehicle
okay gotcha
but theirs is like
very bare bones
looks like a racing craft
looks like an America's Cup
yeah
type thing
but oh
yeah it's not like a fancy boat that they're taking.
There's not like a huge crew.
There's four guys in the middle of the ocean.
Storms are coming, and everyone's terrified.
There's a baby below deck.
It would be nice to have enough money to have.
But that's, anyway.
Yeah, but why would you put your family at risk of, like, sinking?
Man, this is the problem with these the
family vloggers yeah uh is that the family allows you to like keep making the content true well the
family allows you to make the content the content gives you the money to live the lifestyle true
and then usually one partner hates it i don't know if you've ever gotten into the family vlogging
people no i've never it kind of freaks me out honestly it seems like a really uh weird space to get into yeah like to subject basically
like joe jackson your kids from the start and you're all your whole family becomes like a product
is like yes kind of a weird and again it's also who the product is for because sometimes the
children are shot in a they've done you... People do studies and go through their numbers and they go,
man, a lot of my Patreon subscribers are in prison.
What's going on with that?
Maybe they're in the part of the prison where
they're really not meant to have any access to children.
Really?
This is then part of the system.
That's, yeah.
It's the ickiest thing.
Now there's a movement fighting back against it.
My wife has been reading about it to boycott family vloggers
who show their children.
You can still have a family vlog,
but if the children are in the video at all,
you boycott.
Yeah, you gotta like blur their face or something?
Yes.
Yeah, but how are you gonna have a family vlog
without your children in there?
Oh yeah, they don't do well.
Why don't they just do a disclaimer?
Be like, warning.
It's under like, you know how they do the FBI?
Like, warning.
If you are a pedophile
do not watch my video
do not fap to my family
travel vlog
they could be like
impose a fine for that
if you fap
if you copy it
if you pirate it
or if you fap
I think this is the problem
is that the
FBI fines you $10,000
I mean how they gonna know
you pirated the video
they don't know
you don't even have to pirate it
it's all there
it's all there
what was weird
oh man this is
so what was weird with the Saturday?
I think they should do a disclaimer at the beginning of the video.
Like, hey, we're taking the boat.
We're going to Tasmania.
By the way, if you think my kids are looking good, please, for the love of God, don't be
a disgusting pig and masturbate to the image of a turtle.
And that's the beauty of pedophiles is they have so many problems, but they are men of
their word.
And if you have a compact, they're not to do that.
Yeah, like Scouts Honor.
Yeah, they respect some boundaries so little
that there are other boundaries
that they take extremely seriously.
But I think if you had the climate change chat,
if you humanize Greta Thunberg,
that's a real thing.
It'd be fun.
Yeah, I sometimes don't even think she's real.
I think she might not even exist.
I'm just trying to goad her
into proving her existence on the podcast.
I think. See what I'm doing? Yeah. Greta, if you are real. not even exist i'm just trying to goad her into like proving her existence on the podcast i think
see what i'm doing yeah yeah great if you are real and i don't think climate change is there you go
i'm just trying to get it yeah she's pivoting off climate change toward palestine now i think
she's free palestine yeah she's free palestine she better fucking sail over there man they're
fucking losing she's got to get over there so she's away from climate change
into palestine now i think she's like she's doing this whole it's an intersectional problem we need
to address all problems at once yeah does she not care about ukraine like what the fuck
i can't take offense to that it would be funny if that was her weird thing and she didn't talk
about she was like obviously tibet must be destroyed there's a uh There's a pop.
I never knew of this lady.
She's a pop sensation right now.
Chappelle something?
Oh, Chapel Roan.
Chapel Roan.
Yeah.
And she didn't say she would support Kamala Harris.
No, she said she'd vote for her.
But wouldn't endorse her.
Wouldn't endorse her.
Isn't that endorsing her?
And it's like they put the full like weight of the their like
propaganda like yeah propaganda machine on her being like what the fuck is her deal well i mean
it was naive on her part to think that the mainstream media was going to build up a kooky
lesbian with access to all the young children and hip voters yeah and that she wasn't going to fall
in line and yeah they're all like whipping her right now. They're basically SNLs roasting her.
It's a hard tech lynching,
which brings me on to my next person on the list,
which was Clarence Thomas.
I don't know if I could get him, man.
Why?
He's so old.
He's hip.
He'd have AIDS.
He's what?
Sorry.
People who help him.
Only who doesn't.
You got the scoop right here.
Clarence, he'd be a dream guest, but I don't know.
I don't know if I could hit it off.
Or the thing, too, I got to think about is, like, what is the vibe going to be like?
With Clarence Thomas?
Yeah.
He's a cool dude.
I know he's a cool guy, but it's like...
Yeah.
I don't know if I'd be able to vibe with him, dude.
It's like when they're, like, an old...
I learned from Glenn Lowry, like, he's a cool old black dude.
And it's like, I just thought we'd vibe harder than we did, honestly, if I'm being honest.
We had a great conversation, but I was hoping to vibe like outside the interview.
And I don't think that was the case.
I don't think there is a white man who can more vibe with these black conservatives that I know of.
True.
Now, maybe
Gary Owen starts to open up the books
and has some questions about liberalism.
Gary Owen, he's dealing with his own stuff. He's right now
kind of... Is he? Is he going through a hard time?
Yeah, he's going through a tough time.
Shout out, Gary. T's and P's.
Yes. No, why?
Room at the top for me to
finally be the most famous white
guy with black people.
True.
It was never going to happen.
I mean, it is, yeah.
King Gary.
It's the skulls of everyone
who's tried.
He's now one of them.
Yeah, it's a hard
King of the Ring.
It's a difficult thing.
Well, if you think
you wouldn't vibe with Clarence Thomas,
we can take him out.
It's a potential.
I think it's a Supreme Court justice.
He'd be great.
I'm just kind of like just voicing my reservations.
I mean, one exciting thing about him is that he is accused of being a black nationalist.
Yeah.
And people on...
So like his actual...
Just no one...
Why is he...
Who accuses him of that?
People on the left who secretly like him.
Who are...
You know, they're like it wouldn't be killer
mike but that weird killer mike uh pro-black sort of conservative but like the argument that
some things were better under segregation we had our own communities we were looking after each
other like dr umar pretty much yes and that that like, what's the, I'm forgetting the,
you know,
I know what you're talking about.
Bubbling,
bubbling,
bubbling in the mother country's crotch.
It's not the revolution will not be televised.
It's his other big poem,
Gil Scott Heron.
I don't know.
Where he's like the white liberals,
their cause is not our,
they want fucking in the street and marijuana and to get out of Vietnam.
I want a wife and some children and some food to feed them at night.
So there is like that sort of left wing, pro-community left wing rather than like the internationalist progressives
that I don't think anyone else could get in there and talk about with him in an interesting way.
But you know about that.
You have the insight into black conservatives.
I don't know anyone else who knows about this.
True.
Black conservatives are an absolute niche.
It's the most fascinating segment in America that I have.
Well, a lot of black people are conservative.
Yeah.
It's just the national politics.
Well, it doesn't help the national political grift at all.
Yeah.
And also black conservatives don't want to be, just by and large,
they don't want to be seen as like, the whole point of it is we're not like
one of your groups that you can use in that way.
Well, it's like the whitest thing you can be as a Republican.
So it's like instantly rejected.
That's just my feeling.
But I don't know.
Then Trump got shot and I was like, damn, it's kind of cool.
They hit him with charges.
They hit him with some trumped up charges and then they shot him
exactly and now dude did you see the uh kamala's interview kamala did it like an like an organic
i guess interview i know it's what with oprah no no she did it on uh i think it's called all
the smoke podcast she did a podcast called all the smoke and. Dude, she's just your regular kind of country bumpkin.
Are they hitting the blunt?
No, not hitting the blunt.
No, there's no smoking, I don't think.
I never watch the podcast.
I don't know if they smoke blunts during the podcast or not.
I don't think they do.
I was picturing her down in Bill Mayer's fucking rape dungeon
that he's doing his podcast in where everyone's...
I don't know what he's up to.
Things are covered in silk and the lights are weird. He just slowly intoxicates himself and he's doing his podcast in where everyone's... I don't know what he's up to. Things are covered in silk and the lights are weird.
He just slowly intoxicates himself and he's like,
tell me, I don't know what the fuck's going on.
You're all Kamala, you're very fine.
I saw a theory that Kamala Harris is always drunk.
I don't want to spread vicious rumors,
but when you have that in your mind and you watch her talk,
you're like, she does sound like she just had three martinis
every time she talks.
She's doing wine mom extremely well.
I don't know if that's an expression here, wine mom.
Oh, we have it.
Yeah.
She's out having a good night with the girls,
which also gives the impression.
It's smart for her to seem drunk in that particular way
because if a man is drunk yeah or if someone is really
degenerate drunk you think oh he's not doing very much but she seems drunk in the specific way
that a woman who says she works hard all the time gets drunk yeah so she's always like that but then
instinctively i go oh she must be working very hard. She must be like, this is her kicking off her heels when she's talking to us.
Really?
I think I look at it and I see her like, oh, she's just like in an alcohol stupor
powering through just probably a pretty stressful event.
I mean, no one ever puts themselves in her shoes.
Yeah.
She was thrust.
I mean, she was already on the national stage, but she was kind of like out of the way.
And now she was just like thrust into the spotlight.
Yeah.
She needs to have three martinis to do all this.
I'm not trying to say that's exactly what happened.
Well, they had been trying to thrust her into the spotlight for ages.
I don't know if that lamp is covering your face.
I just thought about that, actually.
I just thought about it.
I don't think so.
It is.
It's terrible.
I didn't notice that the whole time that I looked over.
It's still gone.
That's great.
All right.
That's great.
What an unveiling.
But yeah, man, I don't want to spread vicious rumors, but I do, you know, I think we should
speculate into all the potentials with someone who might lead this great nation.
I think she might
wouldn't be great to know what she thinks about anything it'll be kind of nice now i'm also
turning that air conditioner on because i can feel the warmth camilla would be great i don't think
she's going to be very protective about the interview she gives uh yeah that one you can
see the edit jumps and the one she did which i'm sure they're gonna they're not gonna do like an
unedited version of her podcast but i think they they're trying to, like, organify her,
and I think that was them being like,
oh, yeah, watch how cool and natural she can be.
I didn't watch the whole thing, but it's...
I don't want to just be, like, a hater on her,
but I'm just not buying it, man.
When I watch her talk, I'm like...
She's like, I love the Golden State Warriors so much,
and you're like, do you?
Yeah.
I call them my warriors.
Do you really have a passion?
Are you just all just a contrived bullshit thing?
Or like, do you for real?
But like in between being like, I need to save all of these children.
Let me take, let me put my feet up and watch my beloved Golden State Warriors.
It's like, dude, are you just making this up?
But this is, I think, I didn't realize this about americans i don't know the extent to which everybody seems to just vote
because they hate the other guy that's that's a relatively new thing all right but certainly uh
all the trump elections hillary was that unpalatable that people were happy to go with
him yeah man everyone who's voting for biden i don't think surely no one was showing up going yeah i'm enthusiastic to give my vote to biden but they didn't want trump the people who did that
yeah and now the joy of kamala is that she's uh she's no one that's actually her greatest way
you maybe you've reached the point in like party politics and the court spectacle where it's like
you she's just she's an image yeah if you if you want her
to be left-wing she's very progressive and he's calling her a communist if you want her to be
right-wing she locked up a lot of young black men for yeah scanty marijuana violations proudly
carries a gun proudly carries a gun but also doesn't think any of us should have one you know
so it's it's really that's beautiful for it's very hard to hate her
and to the extent that no one other than being like revolted by something that's inhuman there's
almost nothing to hold on to at the mothership people still doing biden material yeah you know
but what he's done almost no one can do sam talent had one good... He's the first one that I saw get Kamala.
Really?
A little bit.
Did he have to get drunk before doing it?
I think he might have said it accidentally and then doubled down.
But he was like, if she just said faggot or retard, she'd win.
I thought you said he did an impression.
Oh, no, that would be great.
Yeah, because it's...
No, I don't know.
I guess...
He just had something to say about her at all.
There's nothing to say other than the fact that she's kind of like a shapeshifter.
Yeah.
I don't know if that's fair to say, but I do feel like, and that's the thing too, though.
Like, well, everybody code switches.
It's like, I don't know, dude.
I've never really put on like a wildly different accent.
I didn't know that was on the table.
You didn't know that was an option?
Yeah.
I could just be like, shit, I mean, my granddaddy. I didn't know I was allowed to do that.'t know that was an option? Yeah I could just be like shit
I didn't know I was allowed to do that
Apparently it's a totally natural thing to do
What a better time you would have had at so many family barbecues over the years
Coat switching
I don't
Coat switching
Quentin Tarantino does that too
Does he?
Wildly dude
I didn't know that
Oh my god
In a way that's almost like are you fucking around?
Did you ever see the video of him doing that?
No.
Dude, it's wild.
Yeah, you got to watch him doing that.
That's the guy who drops the N when he's with his boys having a nice time.
But only with his black friends.
You mean like writing scripts?
He would be the opposite.
He does.
No, I mean, he would be Sam Jackson.
And that's when we call each other that.
But when I'm with the whites, I would never.
Yeah, I don't think he would.
Although he might...
He was on the list because he's a great interviewer.
He'd be great.
But I think you could actually get him.
Yeah, he was just on Bill Maher's sex dungeon too, wasn't he?
Yes.
Bill Maher's club sex dungeon.
And he was very...
And here's a weird...
Quentin Tarantino on so many things is a progressive.
I think he's like a very hardline pro-Israel guy
which is possibly
why he went on
Bill Maher's sex dungeon.
But I believe he spends
like six months a year
in Israel.
Does he really?
Yeah.
I'm going to fact check that.
Yeah, maybe you go there
and it's...
I know one of my friends
went there to play soccer
and he was like,
bro, it rules.
Yeah.
So maybe it's one of those things
you have to show.
I think they show you
a good time.
Yeah, I think when you go...
Also too, you can go... I know you can go for free if you're jewish if you're
jewish i'm trying to uh what are they right of return or birthright i think yeah birthright i
my dad got was a journal he is a journalist in australia he writes things and the israeli
government flew him over with like the top politicians to uh it's awesome have a nice time
that's pretty cool i mean it sounds why see if the
people in gaza would just open up their luxury resorts and all their beautiful grass tennis
courts i think they could win more international approval yeah true no they they don't have them
yeah i mean it is uh israel's a tricky one, man.
Because there is like a... I don't know, dude.
And look, I'm not saying this gleefully.
There is something...
I've said this before.
There's something about the word Jew
that almost phonetically induces kind of like a...
It just rings so well.
If you want to be nasty, you can be like...
There's no other group of people you can refer to
with that kind of like echoing phonetic structure of just being like Jew. If you want to be nasty you can be like there's no other group of people you can refer to with that kind of like echoing phonetic structure of just being like jew if you want to be like pissed off like you
can't chinese it doesn't work like chinese no jew there's something like you can really sink your
teeth into that word if you want to be i'd say something about south african does conjure up a
lot of unpleasantness yeah Yeah. But even then,
it's the Jewish South Africans in Australia
that we most resent.
Really?
We've got a lot of them coming over after apartheid.
So most of our Jewish people in Sydney are...
Jewish South Africans?
Jewish South African.
Huh.
Yeah.
So what's like...
I'm talking about the genetic structure.
So those two...
Oh, in terms of the sound of the word?
Selador.
No, just like the word... The word alone can be some sort of slur.
But yes, I mean, what's that?
You can sink your teeth into it is what I'm saying.
Well, everything else has to be a slur.
And I think there's a Louis C.K. bit about that.
That's the only one that is its own slur.
But like with Japanese people, no one says Japanese.
There would be like there are four other words you can use.
I guess they short it, yeah.
They're angry.
Let me, hold on.
I'm trying to think of a denonym that's hateful sounding.
I think it's got to be, I think it's, you know what it is?
It's the single syllable.
Mongol?
Yeah.
Mongoloid?
Nah, it's actually.
Mongols?
You never say it with hate.
Like, these are Mongol.
Unless you're like a Chinese emperor.
It's a bit.
It's just fucking Mongols.
Yeah, I'm telling you.
Again, look, you know, I don't want to invite kind of nastiness but he's a cusack greek greek no nothing nothing nothing at all and it's
a single syllable too curd i can see the curds being like fucking curds man the curds have a
case to answer i've been doing a deep dive on the Kurds.
I heard they're kind of chill, aren't they?
Or no?
Until it comes to the topic of their daughter's clitorises.
Oh, they're still doing that?
They're doing that.
I know.
Kurds.
That was the one thing when I went to social work school.
I was around rabid feminists.
Yeah.
Not everybody, but there was a lot of them there who were just waiting to sink their teeth into social issues publicly. school when I you know I was I was around like rabid feminists yeah for the not everybody but
there was there was a lot of them there who are just waiting to like sink their teeth into like
social issues publicly and when we started talking middle east and I brought up you know female
genital mutilation silent they'd be like well that's not my place to talk I'm like really I
think it should be you you're saying you for some reason if you if I just fly a plane I can just
start cutting up ladies vaginas because I live somewhere else?
Your morals stop in international boundaries?
That was crazy.
There's no good argument.
It's no coherent argument.
You just can't do it.
It's a bad idea.
They wouldn't say that.
They would be like, whatever their issues were here, they were just all gung-ho.
And I was like, dude, you know, they like scoop out,
they scoop them out.
There's a scooping.
Yeah,
dude.
There are three stages of it.
They're all bad,
dude.
Yeah.
It's like the stitching.
They kind of stitch it together and they cut the thing out.
And it's like,
it actually,
the husband apparently has to bust through the stitches the night of the
wedding day to like prove his like virility,
which,
all right.
I mean,
I can see that, but no, it's like,ility, which, all right. I mean, I could see that,
but no,
it's like,
dude,
that blew my mind to be like,
really?
That's,
you're just going to be like,
that's not my place to talk about that.
I'm like,
well,
what the fuck do you think that all this other shit's your place?
What can you,
um,
what could you do?
You have to have a worldview to get stuck in that,
that the West is so like supreme and bad.
You,
you have to live in like the 19th century when empires are colonizing Africa
and they have all the power and force.
We're not there.
The West is in decline.
The Chinese are the global superpower economically.
I don't buy it, man.
You don't think so?
No, I don't buy it.
They're working so hard. I have not looked at it I don't know I believe they might collapse but on car if their trends are true if they tell
them the truth about what they're building and doing yeah then like that
whole thing about like being funny and punching up is about like who has the
control and the power so we should all just be out doing chinese accents well that doesn't make sense with the narrative but yeah i know what you're saying
yeah they can't yeah you can't uh if if if it is a thing of power and domination if you can prove
on paper that the whites have fallen yeah yeah like we should all start just white should be
off limits yeah true as they crumble and we've got to help lift them up
through this difficult time for them just to get them lift them up back above the chinese state
and then you can just you know give you up in season there's a you know about i think it's
called sooty you might be getting that wrong but this was where the indians would burn their
wives when they died that like if you died the community would come together and set your wife
on fire oh yeah yeah, yeah, yeah.
Instead of like burying her with you
they would burn her alive.
I think they'd burn her alive
and the British stopped it
and the Indians said
this is our culture
and the British said
well our culture
is to not let people
burn their wives.
But these women
they're not all women
but whatever that progressive thing is
that doesn't have a position on like
the pro-women's liberation and also don't want to talk about female genital mutilation.
You have to have no, you have to like try and scoop out, if you will, your own culture, right?
And then any big culture around you, you allow that to dominate you.
It's like you're trying to make yourself a sub, but you can have no, like, it's this thought that you can become maybe more objective by getting rid of your own cultural biases.
But I think very quickly, someone else's cultural biases just jump in on top of you.
Yeah, I think so.
That's not a stable position.
Well, you also...
It's like, you know, technically, they'd be completely removed from it.
So it's like if you're removed from the issue personally, you can just be it's not my place to say and it's like all right well just fucking leave me
alone bro yeah don't worry about my motherfucking masculinity the fact that i'm getting jacked dude
it's our culture men go in their own way there's real man there's a weird one i think it's in
cameroon i could be getting this wrong but they uh they they have a chest flattening. They'll get a big iron,
and they'll iron down the tit
so that you are made more flat.
Okay.
Like they, sort of like binding.
It's a form of chest mutilation.
They'll keep the...
Sort of what we're doing to little trans boys.
Yeah, yeah.
Where it's like, let's not let that tit get away with it.
Yeah, yeah.
And what's weird about this is that the wealthier, more progressive, more Christian part of Cameroon does this.
Okay.
They're the ones who are doing the mutilating.
Nat Geo is going to go out of business.
That's their whole business model.
They figured out the loophole to show titties.
That's part of it, I think.
The Nat Geo people were causing a scene.
And they don't want them.
But that's why they're doing it that's what not for nat geo but because child brides are such a big thing like
the second you hit puberty they marry you and so it's an attempt to like preserve the independence
of their daughters that you try and hide the physical development yeah oh because people
will start like it's okay snatch you you up it's like a 2012 Nissan
people start driving by
and like
that's fucking nice
I could use that thing
in my house
if your daughter
starts to develop
that's why you present
with a bad car
that you're gonna
drive to the end
you flatten them up
you flatten it
so it's actually
it's feminist
breast flattening
so to save their daughters
they're just taking away
taking away what the boys want.
Taking away their boobs.
Yeah.
Then what do they do
to go on to like
go to college I guess?
No I think they probably
just get married at 15
instead of 12.
It's small steps.
Different cultures.
Does it irrevocably
shrink their breasts up?
I don't think it's good.
Yeah.
Yeah I can't imagine.
So all that like
has to go somewhere.
Maybe it's great
when they finally grow, they never sag.
I think my parents did that to me.
They bound my penis.
I think I was binded from a young age.
Now it's just average.
Chinese emperors have been doing that for many thousands of years.
To have a more aristocratic penis.
How do you feel about talking to Oprah?
I would talk to Oprah. Tick, would you talk talking to Oprah? I would talk to Oprah.
Tick.
Would you talk to Tom Cruise?
I'd talk to TC, yeah.
All right.
Mel Gibson, I think, is a genuine...
That'd be great.
Genuine gettable.
Yeah, that'd be great.
He's a big one.
Doesn't do a lot of interviews.
Fascinating history.
I've heard you talking about the T-porn previously,
and this man had some
a little trouble with the teas i think in the late 80s but eddie murphy
yeah i would love to talk to eddie murphy but i don't think he would uh i think he'd be kind
of like reserved about that i heard a rumor he was too freaky for scary spice i believe it and
again rumors just rumors yeah like like Kamala Harris is drunk.
I don't want to spread that,
but I've heard she's an alcoholic.
Yeah, I think.
But no, I've heard he was too freaky for Spice. Well, she would be the most open to being freaky
of all the Spices, I would think.
If he was too freaky for Baby Spice,
you'd go, absolutely.
Yeah.
She's Baby Spice.
Posh, obviously.
Yeah.
Sporty.
Sporty.
We'll see.
She could be kind of... I don't think she'd have time for that stuff that's mil c or mil b i didn't know the spice girls were huge in america huge
that's great yeah they were enormous but yeah uh yeah man i mean that'd be cool eddie murphy would
be pretty sick we might pick some of these are more gettable than others and it might just be
i mean i can't,
you have a huge interesting platform of like,
you have the biggest Patreon,
you have the most engaged fan base of anybody.
Energized community.
Energized community.
So if any of these people,
you know, some of them,
like I was thinking Francis Ford Coppola,
he has a new movie out.
He's a strange guy.
Movie's doing really badly.
It's getting pilloried
what movie is it it's called megalopolis he sold 120 million dollars worth of his vineyard
to self-fund this movie because no studio would touch it what's it about an architect
played by adam driver who can control time for some reason sorry did he create megalopolis
did he make megalopolis he wants to make
Megalopolis
but I think
Lawrence Fishburne
is trying to stop him
and the other thing
is the whole story
is the history
of the Roman Republic
and also
it's very sexy
sort of
neo-noir
is it futuristic
or is it like
yeah
but magic future
but based on
the Roman Empire
for decades
this is the film that he's wanted to make and
everyone has said absolutely not that doesn't sound like a movie you've had a dream megalopolis
he said megalopolis i will make it so he's he's 120 million dollars in the hole no one wants to
go and see his movie that's the perfect time yeah for francis ford coppola to show up and have an
interview with you i don't think i would
help him at all i don't think i would it would be i don't think it'll do you could say tell me
about going insane during megalopolis yeah yeah yeah that'd be pretty cool you know uh
i didn't know about that i kind of want to the movie sounds good i would like to go and see it
is it out in theaters now yes if you'd like to go and see it my wife doesn't want to go i'd love to see michael i pitched it to her and i was like honey
people are walking out halfway through he's losing hundreds of millions of dollars is it like four
hours yeah i think it's like i think it is a three-hour movie yeah shia's in it charlotte buff's
in it what and aubrey plaza and uh so many big stars are in this movie. So he spent $120 million? Huge.
People say it's visually incredible.
It's shot for IMAX.
Yeah.
It got a long-standing ovation in Cannes
from the people
who hadn't walked out already.
It seems like a very divisive movie.
I want to like it
so I can feel superior
to people who don't understand it.
Yeah, yeah.
But I'm afraid that I'll hate it.
Yeah, I...
It sounds fucking sick.
So he's just controlling time
and Laurence Fishburne's like,
don't you dare make Megalopolis
and he's like,
I'm going to fucking make it.
He's like,
I'm going to build a utopian city.
We have the technology
with my magic glowing rod.
I think Laurence Fishburne is like,
come on.
Can we just have a normal city?
Can you stop controlling time, please, dude?
Yeah.
And he's like half committing suicide and he's walking back onto buildings.
It sounds like a film.
Sounds pretty good.
But he's not even on the list.
But I'll tell you who is on the list and I'll rattle these off.
Lauryn Hill.
If Lauryn Hill ever wants to come back, you could be the way forward for Lauryn Hill.
Yeah.
Wouldn't be a lot to say to Lauren Hill.
She seems like a strange person.
Yeah, I mean, I don't know.
I don't know.
All these things of, like, I always try to steer away from getting people, like, getting people for the sake of the fact that they're celebrities.
I need to think that I can possibly vibe with them.
Okay.
If I can't possibly vibe with people, it's nothing against them.
I'm just like...
Well, then I'm whittling down to the ones I think you could vibe with people It's nothing against them I'm just like Well then I'm whittling down
To the ones I think you could vibe with
And who would be fascinating
That's great
Because we've just crossed out
Jackie Chan
I could probably vibe with Jackie Chan
Hold on
Jackie Chan's getting a
Why don't you think I could vibe with Jackie Chan?
Why don't you think I could vibe with Jackie Chan?
He's
Alright
What I thought was exciting about...
These aren't just famous people.
Sure.
None of these people do a lot of interviews.
Yeah.
That's one thing.
And then they all have something weird about them.
So Jackie Chan is a shill for the Chinese Communist Party.
Is he really?
Yeah.
He loves that the Chinese Communist Party control people's lives.
He says, Chinese people are too wild.
We need to be controlled.
And I thank the government for monitoring us. And I think that would be
an interesting chat.
That would be awesome, yeah. I also
agree with him. I support
them doing that just in China.
We're going to put Xi Jinping on here.
I agree with him. I think Chinese people are
out of control. I they i think they need
excessive force at all times the nation once once you long united must divide it's long divided
chinese people are crazy bro oh they all they all they have a pretty crazy history though i think
they'd like that because it's the opposite of the stereotype i find if ever you lean into as though
it were a stereotype the opposite of someone's stereotype in a way that seems true they're very happy about it yeah so
like uh out of control koreans are a big one because everyone thinks koreans mild restrained
asian polite if you go which is true koreans you're insane you shout you get drunk every
party i'm at with koreans they're the ones having a big problem getting into they are so like they like they like the bad yes we are we are the bad boys of asia
you think that's the bad boys of korea's yeah who would be the true bad boys north korea is the bad
boys of asia that's true he's the loner he's not like the cool guy he's not the jock he's smoking
cigarettes in a leather jacket with a motorcycle yeah yeah i guess china could be the bad boys of
asia because japan is like the coolest i've talked to a korean guy about this and he goes japan are
easily like the coolest asians oh yeah and then he's like they like he was severe beef with the
chinese it's kind of like yeah i don't talk with the chinese at all so that's that's one thing i
want to do asian unity that's if I could do anything it'd be like
Coming together and just bringing like all these people and Korean people together and that guys what the fuck
Why you guys fighting operation Asian unity, dude? I was at a sushi restaurant last night, and they had a non-profit so he ordered
Some certain sake they're like a percentage of the profits go to a
Nonprofit that is a,
it's called like the Austin Tito Alliance.
Okay. So the nonprofit is to promote awareness of the city of Austin and the city
of like a widow Japan.
And that's the,
that's what,
if you,
I could have funded this last night and I chose not to because I was like,
I don't,
I don't really see the point of that,
but it's like,
it sends people to like,
yeah. People from Austin to Japan. it's like it sends people to like... Yeah.
People from Austin to Japan.
It's like a sister city.
Yeah, but they're just trying to raise awareness about these two cities. I'll tell you something really strange.
Austin has that relationship with a lot of cities.
I think they tried to become a cultural hotspot for a long time.
Yeah.
And they declared, these are our sister cities.
And the city I'm from, Adelaide, is one of those sister cities.
With Austin.
Austin and Adelaide, is one of those sister cities. With Austin. Austin and Adelaide.
And so for years,
Austin would,
like there were cultural emissaries
going back and forth.
We were on each other's websites.
There would be little things about Austin
and we would hope little things
about Adelaide in Austin.
But when it came time
for South by Southwest
to open an Australian one,
they went with Sydney
and we're furious with Austin
as a town. But they did this whole, we're furious with Austin as a town.
But they did this whole,
we're building an alliance.
It's good.
And then Sydney goes,
I know you've got this relationship,
but do you want some more money?
And they went, yeah.
Yeah.
Sydney was the obvious choice though.
How dare you?
How very dare you?
Come on, man.
The numbers got to work.
We're trying so hard to be cool.
Sydney's basically megalopolis.
Man, that harbour harbor i've forgotten that
you'd gotten to see yeah sydney's crazy it's the best one adelaide adelaide's nice too and i guess
i mean you could pull it off but it's like we have a big festival once we have a fringe festival
okay that's uh so adelaide is really well populated and full of people two months a year
and then it goes back to the way we like it yeah with nobody the fringe festival is two months a year and then it goes back to the way we like it yeah with nobody the French festival
is two months
oh man
it's like six weeks
and there are other festivals
there's a big world music festival
with Madelaide
so you guys have the infrastructure
to pull off
South by Southwest
we definitely do
it's all we do
is have one big festival
at a time
so you guys want two
we got greedy
we should be happy
with what we've got
I'm going to get to the A-list people.
That's who you can get.
Let me hear.
All right.
Britney Spears is free.
She's free to talk to anybody.
She's got a long, weird story.
I want to talk to her father.
Perfect.
I'd like to interview her father.
Perfect.
And just, you know, maybe he's not such a bad guy.
People paint him as like this big villain, but, like...
Well, the second she was making her own choices,
she was knife dancing with her clothes off.
Exactly.
Yes.
He probably feels bad that, you know,
she got, like, sacrificed, basically, to, like, the child.
He offered up his daughter to Moloch.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't understand why you do that because i don't allow
your children to become yeah don't yeah i mean i guess it's like again you could probably make a
fuck ton of money but i don't think they were like poor it's one thing if you're poor i get it if
you're poor and you're like look i mean i have five kids i want to just put one of them into
like i know but i struggle with my middle child. Yeah. Because he, who I'm hiding from celebrities so much, I don't even, we don't know his name.
True.
But he's so, whenever we're in a group setting, even though he's stroppy and loud,
there's a lot of, he's very charismatic and he wins over everybody there.
And a little part of me thinks, we could get you, you could act.
He can follow direction. He's got big feelings yeah yeah people tell me anecdotes about him of all the children and they can understand what he
says and my daughter people yeah she's saying great things but people you know the speech
impediment he pronounciates yeah but i think a lot of my financial problems would go away if we
started a a tick tock for you and i think that
must be what people are doing yeah they want to grift on their kids i think it's more unrealized
dreams i think it's kind of like people who are like i didn't get to do this but i'm gonna make
sure yeah you do all the things you need to do from an early age to like guarantee. I wanted to be 16 in my pajamas on Rolling Stone magazine.
Mm-hmm.
But my daughter's going to do it.
Yeah, dude.
I think that's my theory.
I think that's what happens.
Tennis?
Absolutely.
Yeah.
So many tennis dads.
I didn't realize how serious tennis was, man.
Oh, boy.
It's so fucking serious.
Yeah.
Like tennis schools and all that stuff.
Academy.
Yeah.
Yeah, infinite.
Have you read infinite
jest yeah i mean that's that's where i became aware of it like tennis was serious i thought
people just like fucked around and played tennis it looks so fun i know we just have a little it's
actually so hard you ever try to play i'm terrible it's so hard i've tried once and i was like yeah
this is not it's like when someone's never played basketball you're like yeah just don't even played
by a certain age it's like don't even but when you see some what i like about basketball and tennis tennis especially but
basketball deep into their 50s people who you're just hanging out and there's there'll be a hoop
and a ball and stuff and you go this is a whole part of you that i didn't know about this is
beautiful you can keep doing this yeah and then the legs start going. But tennis, you can be 70 and still.
Still play, yeah.
Although it shreds your knees, man.
That like side to side, stop and go.
Well, you start doing doubles and not having to move as much.
That's a good one.
But I feel bad.
People develop all those football skills.
You're 23.
Football's finished.
Yeah.
For you.
You got to coach.
Almost always.
You got to coach.
You do have to coach.
But then, yeah.
And there are so many coaching roles. Yeah, there are. But yeah, you're right. That is a. Almost always. You've got to coach. You do have to coach. But then, yeah. And there are so many coaching roles.
Yeah, there are.
But yeah, you're right.
That is a...
Yeah, I don't know, man.
I'm so nervous about that.
Of like...
Like putting your kid into Nickelodeon.
It must seem awesome
and your kid's probably pumped.
But...
I guess they don't...
And they probably didn't know, obviously,
that like...
Like with Nickelodeon...
That that would happen.
I think they were Disney.
The Disney people.
Yeah. That mouse was getting up to some nefarious... JT, Britney Spears. that like like with Nickelodeon that would happen I think they were Disney the Disney people yeah
that mouse was getting
up to some nefarious
JT
Britney Spears
oh so many
Ryan Gosling
yeah
Christina Aguilera
yep
there was a fifth one
and then this new
generation
I'm just
Chapel Rowan wasn't
I don't think
I think she was a real
person
but Sabrina Carpenter
was in that world
Arianna Arianna Grandi she wasn't i don't think i think she's a real person but sabrina carpenter was in that world uh ariana arianda grandy she wasn't she was she was very sexualized as a child really in one of
their disney shows and there are weird compilations of you know a 15 year old ariana grande being
covered in slime and like that's nickelodeon that's nickelodeon that is nickelodeon is that
nickelodeon i don't know that any of these are looking after the... Yeah, Disney doesn't do slime.
Nickelodeon is also...
They would have slime in the plot somewhere.
Yeah.
And it wasn't...
Yeah, slime though in Nickelodeon.
Everyone getting slimed.
Yeah, I mean, when I was a kid, I was kind of like,
yeah, it's a funny gag, but it's like, yeah,
it puts you in a weird position because then as an adult,
you have to be like, what do you think this is?
Is this supposed to be like cum? And they're like, what, dude? What the fuck? And you're like, no. It's obviously meant yeah, it puts you in a weird position because then as an adult, you have to be like, what do you think this is? Is this supposed to be like cum?
And they're like, what, dude?
What the fuck?
And you're like, no.
It's obviously meant to be cum.
I said this about Billie Eilish over and over again.
Was she on Nickelodeon?
No, but she was...
Slimed?
Man, there would be video after...
They would sexualize her as a child in a way that if you noticed it, you would seem like
a pervert.
But they were definitely doing it.
So she would have baggy clothes
and they'd go, look at that.
They're hiding her body.
This is respectful.
But then she'd wear a necklace
the likes of which I've never seen.
It was just one heavy chain
going down the middle,
isolating her huge child breasts.
It was the only way
to draw more attention
to this child with
another one every video there would be there are so many music videos where
there's like something running down her face and the cameras up here and she's
here you know yeah in a classic pornographic type video set up and
there's like she's got like black tears for some reason or a nose but there's a
liquid dripping on her face from that angle.
And you go, that is not an accident.
Yeah.
Well, it's an ancient ritual.
We've always taken like the prima donnas from like a village.
Yes.
Used to be like you like cut off their skin and wear it.
So now we just kind of like.
Return to tradition.
I think so.
It's very, it's very, there's something ingrained in us to like prop up like one or two very young women and just like project their image.
The whole society is based around one woman.
Yeah, dude.
And then we too destroy that woman.
If she doesn't walk away at the right time, we find a way to hate her.
You can't walk away.
It's impossible to walk away.
I'll tell you who's walked away beautifully.
Who?
Margot Robbie.
I don't remember.
Yeah, I know.
I fell off.
She's pregnant now.
Okay.
That's what you can do is you can start having children when you're like 31.
It used to be 27, but with surgery now we can get you to 30.
We can drag you through another couple of years.
And then you've got to just never do media again until you come back as America's mom.
Yeah, that's a good point.
I never, I like fell off like teenage divas
after like Christina Aguilera,
Britney Spears.
I kind of just like totally,
I didn't know who Chapel Roan was.
She's, it's only this,
she's pretty recent.
Three, four months that she's,
the album came out last year
and it's huge.
She's.
Really?
Yeah, they're pushing a new wave.
What about Billie Eilish now?
Like not a big.
Second album. Didn't have hits. Yeah. she's really yeah they're pushing what about billy is billy eilish now like not a big second album
didn't have hits yeah uh just pleasantly off off you go into the night she's kind of gone yeah but
now it's chapel roan who it's chapel run should wise the fuck up start walking the line i like
that she's she's still she's pushing back but even snl went after i know that's that's how i became
aware of the whole thing
yeah a whole force of their like propaganda machine yeah it's like the atlantic i think
the atlantic maybe wrote something about her like you're actually fucking head in chapel
ron bitch i don't know i could be wrong it might not be we send you the emails in the morning
but snl coming down on how old is chapel run Chapel Road? She's, I think, 23. All right.
She's an adult.
I thought she was like a teenager.
She's come in later.
There were a couple of these that were...
Charlie XCX was trying for a long time to be...
Like, they were pushing her for a long time,
and then finally she's broken through.
Really?
And I tell you what,
immediately after she had her big album, which was Brat,
Kamala Harris, all of her youth it's your knowledge of dmd this is crazy all all of kamala harris's when it overlaps with politics i know about it and also i just know a lot about it
the uh when she it was brat brat was the whole thing and it was like and kamala harris's team
came out and they changed all their logos to like
the Brat branding.
And they said, and then CharlieXCX came out and went, Kamala is Brat.
And then another big step up for CharlieXCX.
That was necessary.
We'll give you a little credibility.
Make sure you use it the right way.
Yeah.
They called her Brat.
She called Kamala Brat.
She called Mamala Brat.
And then Mamala was like, yes, you may pass.
Yes, I am Brat. And then Mamala was like, yes, you may pass. Yes, I am Brat.
Chapel Roan, dude.
That's going to be a...
The weird thing, too, is they always have to have...
There's like...
What would it be called?
Like teenage diva stardom.
Is it in phases where they have to eventually break out?
And then they have this like, I'm like in a like a fully sexualized adult woman
yes the whore face yes brittany cyrus is the most notable one yeah spears did it like crazy man she
was like in a big way yep yeah that was uh aguilera was always kind of a nasty little slut so i think
that was fine yes they went for she actually went the opposite way i'm not saying that too no she
came increasingly conservative yeah because her big early on hits it's like here here are some trousers that show my vagina yeah and i'm covered in oil with all these big gay men that always does
the script so she became just kind of she was like singing her last few hits were like she was
dressed very conservatively and singing like candy a man sweet talk like world war ii style oh wow
uh very buttoned down conservative no
prude like an old whore as the old saying goes but miley cyrus had a i'm a grown-up album before
the one that everyone knew about that had a big flop so she had party in the usa that was like
i'm a fun teen yeah real person then there was an album nobody knows about which she tried to go a
little bit dark it was like was that the wrecking ball and all that stuff it was before wrecking ball this was the this was the attempt to do that in a normal way
and it failed spectacularly and so rather than like middle they triple down it's like you're
in your underpants you're licking stuff that's who you are now whoa and it really worked i mean
that was that was the biggest cultural moment maybe of my lifetime was miley cyrus there was a letter from who the hell did i think it was uh shanae o'connor yeah
wrote miley cyrus a letter and was like dude these guys yeah they're telling you what to do
or exploiting you and they're gonna leave you in the dust once you turn a certain age and i think
i think shanae had entered her muslim phase by that point true true true I'm gonna
I'm gonna finish
I'm gonna finish it
you can give me
yes no's
and if anything
jumps out you can
I think Yoko Ono
is my
biggest one
would be the most
exciting
I think
you see the thumbnail
yeah
Matt and Shane
secret podcast
episode
whatever it is
512 Yoko Ono. 512.
Yoko Ono.
And she's sitting in a little wheelchair.
She's that old?
She's very old.
Really?
Yeah.
Yeah.
I don't want an old lady in a wheelchair.
All right.
I'll put my foot down against that.
I wouldn't feel great having her just in there.
She's the most exciting person, I think.
Really?
Yeah.
I love her. She's a great poet. Great I think. Really? Yeah, I love her.
She's a great poet,
great visual artist.
I don't know much about her.
See, you should interview her.
I don't know much about her.
I don't know.
Some of this started off as my list.
Yeah.
And I just can't get Yoko.
Now, I think the Dalai Lama
as a spiritual guy
would be sick.
And I think you would be able to push him
because you also know
a lot of the Dalai Lama,
the jagged edges that
groovy people don't like to talk about
with the Dalai Lama.
Treatment of the ladies,
kissing that boy.
What was the ladies?
I saw him kiss that boy.
I think sometimes the Dalai Lama will just go,
let me need to shut up.
Okay.
So you wouldn't even have to really press him on it.
You could just say, tell me more about this interesting Eastern philosophy.
He does.
He says that.
He's like, women need to just be quiet.
And they don't like talking about it outside of...
I know what you're saying.
They really want his holiness.
Whenever I hear people refer to the Dalai Lama like that, I'm always kind of like, what are you up to?
Why are you sucking up to the Dalai Lama?
Yeah, why are you sucking up to the Dalai Lama? Yeah, why are you sucking up to the Dalai Lama?
I don't know. I think he's cool, I guess.
I don't know anything about him, but I don't really know why.
When people are like, his holiness, the Dalai Lama,
I'm like, pfft. I think he's
gettable. It's possible.
Yeah. But I would have him on.
Again, I have no allegiance to the Dalai Lama whatsoever.
That's very important you maintain that position
if we're to get Jackie Chan on the show.
That's true. I mean that position If we're to get Jackie Chan on the show That's true
I mean a huge
Some
Ellen DeGeneres is looking to humanize herself again
Really?
Yeah she had a comedy special and she just come out
She talks a lot about
Everyone hates me I was a toxic boss
I think
I was on her side during that
I would love to have Ellen on that'd be great
Because honestly I was bullshit her side during that. I would love to have Ellen on. That'd be great. Because honestly, I was bullshit.
They're like, she's mean.
It's like, dude, she's running a fucking multi-million dollar organization.
It's like, go get her coffee and shut the fuck up, dude.
No one will take that stance at the top level except for you.
You are the perfect person.
If Ellen's looking to rehabilitate herself and connect with a new post-woke fan base.
True.
Dude, I'm team Ellen right now, dude.
I'm obviously team...
Just because, again, I don't really know much about her,
but I know she was painted in kind of an unfair light.
Yeah.
She's mean.
Whenever it's an abuse thing and it's not sexual,
I don't care.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Exactly.
It was like, she's mean to you.
Jeffrey Tambor shouted at people on set.
I think he did some other stuff too.
Really?
But that's what originally people were angry about is he made the girl who got coffee cry.
And it's like, all right, so what?
He's a 50s dad?
I mean.
What else did he do that was so bad?
I think he was rubbing up on people.
He was rubbing up on people.
Yeah, there was some rubbing up, I believe.
Yeah, you got to pick one or the other.
You can't be like an angry guy making people cry and rubbing up on people.
That's kind of untoward.
Well, that's why you should have the anger so you don't have to rub up on people.
Exactly.
It's a healthy...
Keep them all at bay.
Yeah, he should have just went with just being like absolutely mean and terrible.
I think this is why the left wants everybody masturbating.
everybody masturbating to to drain men and so that we're all more relaxed and more compliant during society in society yeah i could see that if i wanted a population i could control
they would be stoned and have come 10 hours ago minimum yeah true although yeah but the weed is
tricky because then people get like pretty far out when you're like smoking a ton of, you get really like, yo, who's even in charge of this right now?
But you don't necessarily do something about it.
Yeah, true.
Whereas if people drink and smoke cigarettes, they're ready.
Once the weed guy tells them who to...
Where is he?
That's fair.
Yeah, dude, I'm scared of the weed now.
It's too strong, man.
Is the legal weed very strong
all of it is but you can get it now they're finally walking it back where you can get it
where it's like not that strong and it's very very pleasant doesn't send you into like a mild
episode of psychosis it just genuinely like relaxes you and you can just kind of sit there
pretty clear-headed and just like i'm seeing that every hotel I go into now will have, every fancy hotel, if I'm on the
road and I'm lucky enough to get to stay in a fancy hotel, there will be a canister of
CBD somewhere.
Like cream, you're saying?
Like some sort of like oil or a biscuit, just something to be like.
Oh, I got what you're saying.
Calm yourself down.
Kind of like a relaxer.
Yeah.
Here's the wine.
Here's the CBD.
So they're starting to kind of like take the, the cbd is what they call like the hemp plant
so they're starting to just like cross it with regular weed now so the rather than it being like
33 thc it's coming in at like nine percent and then like ten percent cbd and it's just very it's
very like relaxing it's like an anti cbd is like like... Well, the rest of it is the bulk weight of the flour, I guess.
So it's like the plant material.
But yeah, they're starting to make it now
where it's actually relaxing and not...
It's going full circle.
It's going back to the original way it was.
Just 60s guys sitting around talking to each other.
Yep.
Just kind of chilling, not like...
That's why I never touched it
because I was afraid of the...
My mom told me that we had schizophrenia in the family. I since found out that's not true and there was maybe one grandmother
who had some postnatal depression but that was the technique never you've never smoked me before
no never you've never gotten high no well not off marijuana there was definitely a phase where it's
not like i'm a big straight edge person for sure there was a huge codeine and wine binge. Yeah. Which is way worse for you than marijuana, I believe.
But no, I never...
I went to a big weed high school.
And even uncool people.
Weed was everywhere.
And so I never...
No, I never got into it.
Yeah, it's a tricky one, man.
It's one of those things that...
I smoked a lot of weed when I was growing up and it is like it's weird because it can like kind of it's not like a you're
not like apparently like that fucked up yeah like if you're like doing tons of like opiates or like
meth you're like people like yo dude something's wrong with you yeah with weed it just kind it can
kind of like tilt you a little bit slightly that like you it's not noticeable but after like 10
years you're like damn that guy's fucking weird as shit kind of like tilts your ship like two degrees so over
the course of time you just get kind of like it's a slow moving yeah it can be and then some people
i know are like lawyers that just like yes weed all day and just can kind of hone in i'm finding
this of cocaine people as well where you know in movies, cocaine was always like, it's Tony Montana, and it's going to drive him to be in love with his sister and shoot up the government and also run the drug trade.
But I know so many people who do a little cocaine all of the time, and they're just sort of on top of things.
It's a very businessy drug.
Very businessy.
Yeah.
Yeah, I don't really...
I'm terrified of it, though.
Oh, it scares the heck out of me.
Terrified of cocaine.
But I look forward to being a heroin man towards the end,
like the grandfather.
That'd be nice.
What's it called?
Little Miss Sunshine.
Pull like a straw hat down, just kind of...
That'd be nice.
Smoking black tar heroin with my family just kind of. That'd be nice. Smoking black tar, heroin, with my family all around me.
That'd be awesome.
Grandpa's taking it easy.
This is my plan.
Look, that's most of the people on the list, except for, now I wonder, there are some controversial
people that I wonder with the Ellen one, if you two would have the interesting take.
So like, where are you at on lance armstrong
cool yeah is he controversial not neil armstrong no lance yeah yeah that'd be fine well because
he took all those drugs and the oxygen that's what i like everybody did that's what i'm talking
about yeah where can he go to have the common sense conversation at a top level about how
everyone was taking him and you're the man.
Yeah, I think the guy after he got...
Didn't the first three people or whatever...
It's like the 25th guy in the competition ends up with the medal.
Yeah, that's what I heard.
And that's probably just because they haven't...
No one bothered to test the 25th guy.
Yeah, Lance Armstrong.
He's a friend of the podcast.
Is he a friend of the podcast he reached
out one time we were talking about that yeah he reached out was like yo he like or he like no he
like retweeted or like re-shared a clip of us talking about him he's already the roads are
paved to lance armstrong what maybe you could help me get like that where did you come down in the
dip heard feud johnny dip and amber heard boys versus girls
yeah yeah yeah that isn't easy yeah all day long but i think he's back i think he's been normalized
now he won that was actually was kind of not like good for him he didn't it was a huge victory yeah
it was kind of huge for all mankind yeah that was a that was a big victory i've got one friend who
is like a men's rights activist type guy and he did a very deep dive on it and he is a pro-herd person.
He's like, I think she was telling the truth and she's been monstered and we needed a woman to take a fall for the society to be neutral again.
But we might have got the wrong lady.
So I'd be interested to hear his views.
I don't agree necessarily.
I don't know enough about it.
No, that's interesting. That she she actually he was actually a monster maybe he was he thinks that
he was a monster but everything else in his politics would lend you to think yeah he'd be
team dep yeah but he's not and he started out i think team dep and then really did the research
and fell down the pro amber youtube video essays damn yeah that's kind of
interesting how do you feel about gucci mane i like gucci mane have you read the gucci manes
guide to greatness i didn't read his philosophy i didn't read it do you know about his philosophies
no i have his autobiography but i haven't read that yet his follow-up book where he gives the
rules for life guide to greatness how is it you read it i read it how'd you like it i disagree
with a couple of things because he's ultimately
a pragmatist
but no one
sums up
materialist conservatism
better than
Gucci Mane
nice
he's like I'm not having kids
until
they make me money
used to be
you'd have kids
work out
send them to the factory
they add
an asset to your household
now children are taking away
so he wants to figure out how he can monetize his kids?
Yeah.
That's pretty sick.
It's interesting.
He's in a position.
He can turn them all into little actors and stuff.
Yeah.
I mean, it's nice to think of a man with a huge ice cream and a lightning bolt on his cheek
who's really turning around now and he's very fit and healthy.
Yeah, yeah.
He's talking about how to optimize your credit.
It's kind of nice.
With the ice cream. There's a lot of those dudes kicking around though they're like um
walk a flock of flame i've seen him talking about the importance of straightening out your credit
yep yep yeah well there's a lot of guys in general who are hitting that like um was like a was
addicted to drugs now you know ceo business motivator yes that's that's a that's like a
that homeless guy that you spoke
to the ex-homeless guy yeah i'm i'm getting his book yeah oh it's great i i'm looking forward to
it he's wonderful but just the jerry clickstein oh you're a very good interviewer but he's not
he's not a you got that i mean he was also a good guest he's a great guest he's also not he's not
like a motivational he's more of a uh memoirs point so i'm talking about like guys who are like i think what it is is you get off of drugs
you become a motivational speaker and then open your own rehab that becomes kind of like a and
it's whatever you know people some people need to do it i'm not against it no but it means you have
an angle for when you're you have credibility on how to you also make a ton of money because
there's no shortage of people on drugs and they need they need to figure something out my uh i was talking to spud
recently and uh he said he saw like tucker talking live it was like tucker jones yes and he was
talking like tucker was talking about how like when someone's addicted to drugs like the he was
like kind of flaming the democrats he was like their policy being like, well, just give them needles and give them a space to do drugs.
He was like, nobody would do that for their own family member.
He's like, if you love somebody, you wouldn't give them more drugs and more needles.
No, you want to strap them to a table and say you're not on heroin anymore.
Stop. Stop doing that.
I just thought that was interesting to be like that.
It's not something you do when you love somebody. You would never give your kid, if your kid not on heroin anymore. Yeah, stop. Stop doing that. I just thought that was interesting to be like that. It's not something you do
when you love somebody.
You would never give your kid,
if your kid was on heroin,
you'd never be like,
yeah, here's needles.
I just want you having the heroin
in the house where it's safe.
We're going to set up
a little room for you
to shoot up
and have a doctor.
But this is the divorce of like,
I don't know when this started.
The neocons are really big on this
where it's like,
everything has to be free market
and very cutthroat
and everyone look out for yourself.
Also, the family is a huge exception.
But I think before then, certainly the Catholic social teaching model was like, it just goes out in levels of care.
I mean, the whole world should become your family.
You should treat...
You shouldn't do...
In business, you shouldn't act in a way that you wouldn't want to...
If you were dealing with somebody, that's the way you do business with your son or't, in business, you shouldn't act in a way that you wouldn't want to, if you were dealing with somebody,
that's the way you do business
with your son or your brother.
Yeah, yeah.
Like this ripping people off.
If you give someone a loan
and they can't pay it,
just forgive it
and talk to them
and move past it.
And even then,
when you give them a loan,
you shouldn't charge interest
for that loan.
You shouldn't like,
you shouldn't buy everything up
and rise the price.
And the fact that
you can have like family values
and still do
and like
destroy the society
that you're in
that your family then
has to grow up in
it makes no sense
yeah yeah
you have to roll deep
it's a big
crew
it's true
that's a good point
but I like
I think Tucker is
pushing against that
he's definitely
he's he's
I think he is
I think he makes a lot
of sense man i like tucker i'd love to have tucker on that'd be a nice one tucker would be
he'd be good also very he's pretty far out too man he's like real into like interdimensional
spiritual beings and stuff with he and alex jones the second you they just i love that they seem
uh nuts when people people go these guys are great. And you dig into it.
And they're actually like thoughtful people
who have some foundational beliefs that are like,
yeah, they believe in interdimensional beings of some kind.
Like Alex Jones is the obvious one where like,
he believes in higher vibrations and lower vibrations.
This is not just like, he's not Bill O'Reilly
these people are painted
as being like
yeah
grifting
people
they're
when Tucker was talking about
aliens
and how he
believes in interdimensional
hovering things
and like
it's so congruous
with him being a deadhead
it's like this
this is not a grift
this is a very strange person
yeah for real yeah yeah I think he's a man that is not a grift. This is a very strange person. Yeah, for real.
Yeah.
Yeah, I think he's a man.
That's not bad
to be a strange person.
It's interesting.
Yeah, exactly.
Man, I remember,
like Ben Shapiro
is the opposite to that,
I think,
where Ben Shapiro,
everything that he believes,
he can really stand by
and say like,
well, I believe this
for this reason.
And Tucker seems to come back
to mystery over and over again.
Yeah.
Because it's beautiful.
Yeah. Because I love family.
Because the world is an incredible place.
Yeah, true.
And you can...
Man.
I'm just going to quickly check.
Bob Dylan, I think would be great.
Too old.
Too old.
I'm very ageist.
You wouldn't talk to Dolly Parton, America's mother?
Nope.
You wouldn't talk to Stevie Wonder? No, America's mother? Nope. You wouldn't talk to Stevie Wonder?
No.
Okay.
Well, that's it.
Narendra Modi, the Prime Minister of India.
Yes, I would talk to the Prime Minister of India.
All right, so who do we have?
So we have Jackie Chan, Lance Armstrong, Tom Cruise, Oprah, Mel Gibson.
Those are all still yeses?
Or are you going to scrap any of them out? I would take off Tom Cruise and Oprah now, actually Those are all still yeses? Or are you going to
Scrapping in and out?
I would take off Tom Cruise and Oprah now actually
Now that I think about it
Mel's a yes
Yeah
Eddie's out
Johnny Depp
In
Alright
Yoko's out
Hold on
Clarence Thomas is out
I still think you would
Have a fun vibe
I would do Thomas
Thinking back on it
I would do Thomas
CT
Alright
Greta Thunberg Yeah for sure Bang No Streisand No Dylan Have a fun vibe. I would do Thomas. Thinking back on it, I would do Thomas. CT? CT.
Greta Thunberg?
Yeah, for sure.
Bang.
No Streisand.
No Dylan.
Brittany?
Brittany's dad.
Brittany's dad, her father. I'd only interview her if her father was present.
Well, that would be the most exciting piece of television anyone had ever achieved.
Ellen DeGeneres is in.
In.
Totally in.
I'm thrilled by that.
Totally in. I think i think of
all of these that you could go that i could go i'm gonna start sending some emails out this week
ellen degeneres ellen could really happen dude ellen actually would be pretty sick and honestly
it's like i don't really again i don't know uh she's also boys with george bush weirdly which
apparently george bush now is like a saint of like he's like the liberals like prop him up now
he was the last great republican, which is kind of weird.
I just remember him being called a Nazi a lot by everybody.
No, now he's like...
Yeah, now he's...
Michelle Obama's hugging him.
Exactly.
They're watching baseball together.
He's like the old guard.
Yeah, he's like the old guard.
Yeah, but the...
I'd like to have Eleanor.
I can talk to Eleanor DeGeneres.
I've got to say, the more I find out about the war in Iraq, the less I like it.
Yeah, it's pretty crazy.
I was all for it when I was 11.
I don't remember being very gung-ho about it.
I remember just being kind of like, oh, no.
Oh, man.
Oh, no.
No, my dad was all for it.
And we were Unitarians, and we left the church.
Because it's just like a very wishy-washy, nothing place.
But then they were all like anti the liberation of Iraq.
That was a big part of it.
In our household, we call it the liberation of Iraq.
So, Iraqi freedom.
Yeah, that was the operation.
With the Coalition of the Willing, which I just found out that Canada wasn't in.
Really?
Yeah.
They went to Afghanistan.
Some of them went to Afghanistan but a lot of,
some of them went to Iraq but not Afghanistan.
Like,
the Poles didn't want to get involved
in Afghanistan
but they joined up for Iraq.
Yeah.
Australia went to both.
We,
Respect.
We did all the war crimes
you needed us to do.
Yeah.
Some of that's coming out now.
If you have been enjoying
this episode so far,
why not join the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan Patreon?
Itto is a very good Patreon.
You want to read right now Bertrand Russell's autobiography?
How's that?
It's pretty great.
It's pretty...
I think I bought it, but I never read it.
It's pretty great, man.
It's just him just like, as a he's like he starts off being like really young and just like the huge
letdowns of his life which is funny because like his parents die early yeah and he's raised by his
grandfather right yeah and it's like a great answer or whoever and then uh but like he like
kind of glosses over his parents dying because he's i mean he's going by his memory so he's like
i just all of a sudden i'm in this place and he was like at one point one of like the biggest blows to his like child psyche which
is really funny is he was told he was mating a lion they're like we're gonna bring a young lion
but the guy's name was l-y-o-n so his little boy he was expecting like all weekend to see a lion
and then he got there and like oh this is this guy sir lion he was like fuck devastated him for
the rest of it i don't remember my parents at all but I remember that
distinctly. And then there was a
I think a doctor who told him
that after he got a shot
or something he was
going to get a sponge cake.
And he had only had cake twice in his life before
that and he said it was an absolutely like sublime
transcendent experience.
And then after he got like whatever medical thing done
he was like where's my
cake sir and the guy was like the fuck out of here and he said that like completely fucking
devastated him so they were like some of his hardships he wasn't allowed to eat fruit one of
my hardships is the same i want to talk about the fruit but i was at an agricultural fair as a as a
young boy in adelaide and they were looking for volunteers to come up onto the stage. That's how they said it.
And they said, we need to get some kids up on this stage.
Who's a kid who wants to come up on the stage?
And I was like, please, I would love to.
They said, oh, you guys are children.
We need a kid.
And they brought out like a kid goat.
And I, that, one of my angry i sometimes wake up at night thinking about how
angry i am that i thought i'd get to go up on stage and he brought out a fucking goat a goat
um what happened with the fruit he was never late to eat fruit apparently among the like uh
i guess like the elite british and like when i think it was like whenever he was i think it was
like some period in the 1800s when he was alive or when he's a little kid they um like the late 1800s but they thought it
was unhealthy for kids to eat fruit so he was almost on like a ketogenic diet as like a little
kid okay they thought it was unhealthy for children yeah i thought it was unhealthy and but
like the he had like servants and stuff because he was from like a lord's house yeah so like a lot
of like the irish servants would like slip him apples like he has like a treat these cheeky irish scoundrels gorge himself
on but he was he said you know why they were doing it they were doing that to destroy the
british aristocracy with fruit if we feed that if we feed their children fruit yeah he would just
munch apples like secretly and he had like little he looked almost like a rabbit den he like it dug
a hole in the ground where he would take like servant girls when he was like still really little kid what he would like kiss around with certain boobs and stuff
yeah and then that's great because he seems so dry as an old man dude he was he was he lived a
very passionate life he thought about suicide all the time yeah constantly thought about killing
himself as a little boy yeah as a little boy he like he just he couldn't open up to anyone around
him because you said this is much better than I thought.
It's pretty great.
Some of it's kind of dry, and he goes through his struggles with his worldview early on.
Yeah, because he becomes an atheist fairly early, and I think holds to that pretty dogmatically.
When he was younger, he believed that God created the physical laws, the scientific physical laws of the universe,
and then just kind of abandoned humanity
to live in this physical plane.
Maybe the least happy worldview.
So he believed in God for a while.
But he believed in God.
Yeah, but to believe in a transcendent,
all-powerful God
who just doesn't care about you?
Yeah.
That's so much worse
than there's nothing out there.
You have it.
But that would also make sense
of his childhood, right?
Like, what's his view of God?
Literally, a father.
Like, he had a father.
My father's not here.
I just have the world and the life my literal father gave me.
Yeah, well, there's a huge pressure to, like, be super scientific.
If you walked around as a teenager back then, you're like, I strictly look at the world as objective phenomenon.
People are like, dude, you fucking rule.
It was, like, very rebellious and cool to be like, it's all I believe in is physical phenomenon.
Well, I think they hadn't been...
The First World War hadn't confronted them at that point.
Yeah, true.
If I'm getting his timing right.
And so it was like...
In your lifetime, you saw trains exist for the first time.
Yeah.
You saw people not dying of smallpox.
I was like, if we just keep this literal train going of progress...
His brother became a Buddhist. We're all still going to be happy. Excommunicated his brother literal train going of progress his brother became a Buddhist
we're all still gonna be happy
excommunicated his brother
he excommunicated his brother
well no his family
was just like
we're not fucking talking now
because his brother
became a Buddhist
yeah
it was just so weird back then
he was like what the fuck
yeah
so they were like
fuck that guy
stop talking to him
it's a weird time to read about
like the late 1800s
are so bizarre
yeah
no one's talking about sex
sex is very...
Even if you were like attracted to your wife sexually back then, it was kind of like, what
are you, a pervert?
It was like, you guys should just be like begrudgingly united to race.
Poke it through a sheet.
Yeah, for your country.
But then I think the aristocrats would, they would like pretend to be like that so that
the middle classes would behave sexually and then they would all secretly be going around having so beautiful i haven't got to that part yet oh
but he stopped masturbating when he was 20 he quit he was masturbating and he quit when he
said he's a ghastly and he never did it again he claims he quit he like did it as it's like a boyish
thing for him he was like yeah it's like what boys do but he said he would like sit there and
try to study mathematics and just be like oh and he'd get so fucking torqued up that he would have to just like rub one out and he was
like eventually i think we've all been there i love but he quit it was like something like
little boys did that was very something about that late 19th century anti-masturbating
have you heard you know about kellogg's yes all. All right. That's why. So interesting. Would you tell us?
That's why cornflakes were invented.
Because a hearty breakfast gave you too much energy to masturbate.
And so you needed a gruel-like breakfast so you wouldn't masturbate.
Yeah.
And then later in life, I think he would sew a metal wire around boys' genitals.
Did he really?
So that if they had an erection, it was very painful and they wouldn't want to make yeah it's not it's not ideal a lot of those early monopolists
for products yeah we're doing weird the coca-cola guy i think was trying maybe it was colgate was
trying to use the money to communicate with the dead that was the whole point of colgate yeah
because the 20s too are very mystical yeah you get a lot of guys like goddard and all those
other guys who were like i think he was around the 20s but they were like they were like very
mystical like business there's a lot of business books written in the 1920s that are very like
have like a mystical bent to them and like your mind can do anything and like yeah before it was
like shut the fuck up you're a shitty peasant and then people were like your mind's actually
an unlimited blah blah who is the who's the guy from that time
who's the first big Satanist
who
do you know who I'm talking about
like
I don't know his name
I thought he was in the
who LeVay
no LeVay
I don't know
I'm going to look it up
but there are like a lot of people
connected to a prominent Satanist
then
and about
it's weird how many times
it happens that there's a
an Apollonian movement and
then the dionysian that would have whether we had nature would say but like you have a romantic
movement that springs up against everything being ordered and under control yeah so i found out
about the uh the sacred heart of g like the the flaming heart in his chest And it's like a lady has a vision in whatever the mid 1800s.
But she's opposed to all this like
Protestantizing and rationalization.
It's like,
we shouldn't have so many idols
and weird pictures.
This is upsetting people as Catholics.
And then that whole weird romantic wing
takes over.
It's like, no,
a heart that's on fire.
This is, yeah, that's like mystery and the surreal
and like they try and incorporate that but then it came so late like it looked i thought i would
have thought that was like some sort of media i didn't know that was from no it was one of the
first big pushbacks against the materialist uh worldview it's kind of sick. Aye, I'm all about it. And then I guess to some extent we see that now.
Like the 60s were very loosey-goosey and open up your mind.
Age of Aquarius.
Yeah.
That very quickly turns into the 70s, 80s.
Put on a suit.
Get it done.
Yeah, the Gordon Gekko stuff.
Meet the physical pleasures.
I think we're completely disjointed now.
I think like the post all that stuff, it just doesn't make any sense now.
I wouldn't know what the culture was now.
This is a lady dressed in like a trash bag who won't support the Democrats.
We should be nicer, but also fuck her.
And you're like, whatever.
Well, this is the problem with the fragmented.
If you have a monoculture, it can go through waves and people can experience these things together.
But with the media
cut up into a million different little parts yeah we're all experienced the same in events but
there's no like one cultural wave i mean there are people who come here and they sell out the
big theaters who are comedians in the industry that i'm in who i have never heard of before yeah
and then i watch it and sometimes it's great and i go why didn't i know about this but most often i
go i i don't understand why this is.
Yeah.
None of the cultural points that you're touching on mean anything to me.
Yeah.
That's why it's important to know about Chapel Rowan.
True.
Just feel the zeitgeist for a moment.
True.
I'm bad with that.
I've got to get back into the – I try to read the news.
Chapel Rowan would be a very good guest.
They won't do it.
Chapel – I mean, I think they have no interest in it whatsoever,
but I'm saying there's no way.
I wouldn't even advise it for Chapel Ryan.
I wouldn't want to see SNL fall on...
She could go either way.
I think you get to a certain point and you go,
I thought you'd all have my back.
Aren't we all groovy progressives together?
No.
This is a corporate line.
Maybe she takes that pill.
She goes full trad wife.
Comes out the other side
that would be pretty cool
it's just an idea chapel
true
or she could be
is she gay
she's a lesbian right
she
if she's a she
I don't know
but I think
definite lesbian
lesbian okay
yeah we'll have to see
but yeah
I wouldn't want
like SNL to come down
on her again
I don't think
it would even do anything
I think she would be on
people like
that was weird
I think you're overestimating would be like, that was weird.
I think you're overestimating my cultural reach.
The cultural reach of SNL
to a Texas-
No, I'm not saying that.
I'm talking about mine.
I don't think it would even matter.
Matt,
that's not true.
I've walked through
an airport with you.
You are Oprah
to these
young people.
Well, that's what I believe
you have the capacity
to be the great interviewer of the time.
And I won't make this drag on
for more than an hour and a half.
Perfect.
But I want to thank you
for coming on the pod.
Thank you so much, man.
It's been a real joy.
Appreciate you, bro.
This episode is brought to you
by Google Pixel.
I'm Jessie Crookshank.
I host the number one comedy podcast
called Phone a Friend.
I also have three kids.
I need help making every day easier.
So I switched to Google Pixel.
It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant.
Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge.
And it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera.
I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9.
Learn more at store.google.com.
ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.
I'm Jessi Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in
pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend.
I phone my old friend, Dan Levy.
You will not die hosting the Hills after show.
I get thirsty for the hot wiggle.
I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines.
And I get schooled by a tween.
Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on.
Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook.
It's out now wherever you get your podcasts.
Acast helps
creators launch, grow,
and monetize their podcasts
everywhere. Acast.com.