The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - mexico

Episode Date: June 18, 2024

Welcome to the new and improved JDFMCP season 2. Check out the JDFMCP visual element on youtube: https://www.youtube.com/@JamesDonaldForbesMcCannJoin the sailing club to contribute financially to James Donald Forbes McCann's journey to boat ownership: www.patreon.com/jdfmccann Buy the several books written by James Donald Forbes McCann: https://www.jdfmccann.com/booksFind Eve on instagram: www.instagram.com/eveelbow Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines and i get schooled by a tween facebook is like a no that's what my grandma's on thank god phone a friend with jesse crookshank is not available on facebook it's out

now wherever you get your podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com Acast helps creators launch, grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Hello and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. I'm James Donald Forbes McCann and this is a program about me trying to raise the funds necessary to buy a boat with a podcast, namely this podcast, which now has a new updated visual element, the studio. I wouldn't say it was done, but we're really getting there. The seaweed has been beautifully arranged.

Eve, my producer, is sitting in the corner. Hello, Eve. Hey, James. Eve will speak when spoken to, and no more than that. We've heard your criticisms, and we've taken them on board. But Eve, you've done a wonderful job. And that wasn't me inviting you to say something, but I just want you to know you've done a wonderful job preparing the notes. We've got a better, more constructed.

Do you know what I'm saying? Not just a ramshackle all over the place production anymore. If we're going to go and get that boat, we've got to be tight, right, professional. That's why we've brought in a producer. And today I've been handed this manila envelope containing some of the things we'll be doing for this show. But before we begin with the show proper, we commence with the pledge. The pledge that we say at the start of every episode that I remember to say the pledge. And we invite you and Eve, you can have the microphone for this bit.

Okay. We all, and you the listener, we to say the pledge and we invite you and Eve, you can have the microphone for this bit. Okay. We all, and you the listener, we now do the pledge. This is the main way we grow the podcast. We don't have a lot of money for advertising, a lot of money going aside for that boat. Actually, I'm spending a lot of the money at the moment feeding my family and paying for rent, but once it gets big enough, boat, I pledge. I pledge. That's right.

We'll be repeating after like Eve has done. I pledge. I pledge. That's right. We'll be repeating after like Eve has done. I pledge that this week. I pledge that this week. I will tell somebody about. I will tell somebody about. The James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. The James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. And encourage them to listen.

And encourage them to listen. Dust growing the podcast. Dust growing the podcast. And getting James that boat. And getting James that boat. getting james that boat catamaran ho catamaran ho wow let's begin with the manila envelope opening so many wonderful things to be going on with today behold the opening of the manila envelope behold the commencement of the Katamaran plan. I said before with the notes, not enough line spacing. Beautifully line spaced, Eve, responding to the constructive criticisms there.

Now, first segment, we'll be doing it. Well, second segment, segment, first segment was a preamble segment. That's the pledge. Second segment is we're planning our trip once the boat comes. The podcast has grown so exponentially. It's over quadrupled. I think it's octupled since I've come to America. If we keep going at this rate, we'll have the boat lickety split.

Now, if the boat came tomorrow, I wouldn't know what to do. I wouldn't know where to go. We've got to start preparing and that's why the first segment we'll be doing is called summoning the mind boat we'll put in some sort of stinger there i was about to do that but that's the sort of keen producorial insight that we so desperately require on this show i'm gonna calm down i wish i could smoke in here but this is a rental property and we're committing it to video i'm out of zines yeah it's not great we're gonna do a route around the world what's that james a sex tour no not that sort of route r-o-u-t-e i'm going to start in north america then come down oh i could have got a globe i've got a globe inside we do have a map we're going to start

here in this uncharted then uncharted part of the map we're going to come down and around and then over and then oh and then down to Australia. My thought is to go backwards around the world, thus maximising the use of the boat. So after we leave North America, presumably in, I don't know, Los Angeles, that's where we might buy the boat. Well, where's the first place that we'll be stopping? Mexico. Eve has, you've assembled how many facts? One, two, three, four, five, six. Wow, I only said you had to get five. Six fun facts about Mexico that I might prepare myself for the journey.

Here we go. Mexico is fact number one. Are these arranged in any order? I put them in a certain ascension, but there's no... Are they getting funnier or are they getting... I don't know. You'll have to be the judge. I just gave you facts. But there's no... Are they getting funnier or are they getting... I don't know. You'll have to be the judge. I just gave you facts. You're the funny...

Mexico has the second highest number of Catholics of any country with more than 96 million Catholics out of a population of 130 million. Wow! That's a lot of Catholics. Have you just done this? Are they all about Catholicism? I just figured that we can have an ongoing Catholic index

figure for each country. I like that. Yeah. I mean, I don't know how... I think they might be that sort of... You know these Hispanic Catholics. Some of them very devout. So beautiful.

Some of them, they do this. They kill a nun. They sell drugs to children. I've seen it out there. I don't know what you're talking about. Microphone down. When you're spoken to, you may speak. So a lot of Catholics.

What's the number one, though, I wonder? I forget. Is it America? It's going to be Brazil. Brazil. It's got to be Brazil. A lot of evangelicals converting in South America. Did you know that?

Listener. Mexico City is sinking. About 20 inches per year. As I like to call it, one little James. For comparison, Venice sank 9 inches in all of the 20th century during the same time Mexico City sank 30 feet. That's so many little Jameses. That's too much sinking.

Fact number three, Mexico has more pyramids than Egypt and also has the world's largest pyramid. Let's be honest, those pyramids aren't going to be as good. Or as interesting. Mexicans drink more Coke per capita than any country in the world. 2.2 litres per person per day. That can't be right. That's right.

You fact-checked that? I fact-checked it. 2.2 litres per person per day. On average. Are you sure that's the coke that you think? You're right. It's all just cocaine. Yeah.

2.2 liters. 2.2 liters per day. Wow. 2.2 liters. Do you know what that is in America? That's like a gallon. Isn't it? It's so many drops.

Norethadrone, a necessary precursor to modern birth control, was invented and synthesized in Mexico. So it's not all good. I knew you'd hate that one. It's disgusting. Look at that. Higher number of Catholics and invented birth hate that one. It's disgusting. Look at that. Higher number of Catholics in invented birth control. Shame on them.

Oh, look at that. You've done... You said that there was one special thing for each one of them. It's the Jew news, isn't it? You can't resist bringing your fiendishly evangelical Judaism to the show. Mexico just elected a Jewish woman as president. You're welcome. Sometimes two wrongs do make a right.

That's what I say. All right. Now we come to a very special part of the podcast. Pearls of Wisdom. Pearls of Wisdom. Pearls of Wisdom. I'll leave a pause there so that we can put some music or something. Pearls of Wisdom.

Pearls of Wisdom. We need women to listen to this show. Watch this show. Just drink up the visual element. We've got advice. We've got advice now. Advice column. Women love advice.

They love getting it. And Eve has gone and looked at the Guardian's advice column for a piece of advice that I can improve. Now, hold on. Did you write what they said as well? I just copied and pasted it. Okay. So do you know what the official response is? No.

So we'll just assume it was bad because it was the Guardian. I know that you don't like most people, and I did read it, and it was always like, well, the important thing is to consider, and that's not you. When I've been doing the advice column, I'm doing that more and more. Someone was like, my ex feeds our kids before pizza night when she drops them off. And it's like, what advice are you going to give there?

Other than have a meaningful conversation. You can't be like, force the kids to vomit or just like bash your ex. Because now you're a father and you're like well actually it sounds like she's a really good parent yeah when my wife leaves me i hope she's feeding the kids before she drops them off of course she'll never leave well maybe some strong edits out my daughter is in her early 40s she would really like to have met a partner and had a family. However, having been signal for a number of years,

she is now considering IVF treatment. It's the problem of having a producer who knows who I am. Is everything going to be Gaffer birth control stuff? Everything's going to be something I think you'll enjoy. At times, she has taken medication for depression, which has been helpful. Shut her up. But has stopped to prepare for IVF on the advice of her GP.

She's very unsure of whether she's doing the right thing. Yeah, my massively depressed daughter who doesn't have a husband doesn't know if getting pumped full of strange eggs and cum is a judicious prudential move. Sorry. I'm not sure if the effects of coming off the antidepressants are causing her to wonder if she should continue with the IVF. The pressure of her age together with whether she will cope on her own and be a good mother is adding to her anxiety. These doubts suggest to her that this means she can't want a child as much as she should.

Well, I would love to have a grandchild. The f***ing mask comes off. Sweetie, sweetie, get off the antidepressants. You want a baby. You should want a baby. I feel a loss as to how to help her make the right decision. I am concerned about her depression and coping alone with a baby. She does have a good network of friends who are very happy to support her.

No, they're not. No, they're not. You know all these single women who come around and help you when you have a child? No, they're out finding a husband. Some are great, and we're so grateful to have the friends we've got, but it's a trope that you lose all your friends when you have a baby. Eve. All right.

Now, this would be an appropriate time to bring Eve into the podcast. I asked you to move into this very converted garage to help me raise the children. Right. That's true. I said you could be a producer. We'll shoot the show. You help me with the kids. We explode into success.

And you said I could have free rent as well. Yeah. And I said, go. And you can quit your job. And you said, absolutely not. I said, go to something, something. You can, you can. I said, go f*** yourself.

You said, go f*** yourself. No, because I said this. I said, if I had, I love your wife. I love your kids. Yes. You and I are great. If I had to. Don't love me.

There we go. What did you say? We can, we can have. I love you too too but you know i just i don't want you to take it the wrong way yeah but we've been talking about my dumb phone how i'm trying to get women to stop uh sending you pictures of their you know what but um if i had to live with you and share a mainly share a kitchen with you i wouldn't be your friend i wouldn't be your friend your kids are great whatever but if i had to come i was like i want some tea and i went in i'd be willing to sacrifice our friendship

to make us more successful and get ahead in this country and then we could do really well and then we never talked to each other again in four years that part we're still working together we could ultimately sacrifice our friendship look ultimately it's good it's probably the right move we do need an au pair yeah of course it's the right move. You know why? Because I'm still speaking to you. If I lived here for free, I would not want to be friends with you anymore. But that's true of anybody with kids. It's not you.

You don't think I can be friends with the au pair? Oh, well, that's a different... Depends on what country she's from. You don't think I can be friends with these... Get one of these juicy Mexican au pairs when we go to Mexico. Those are your crab hands. Yeah. Is that not how everybody fingers?

No. All right. But seriously, folks. Seriously, folks. It's very important on this program. This, you know what? This is season two. We'll get back to this lady and her just terrible situation with her daughter.

Early 40s. That must be nightmarish. That is me, for the record. I'm 40. Oh, is this your... Yes, me. Dear James. No, I think that...

I know what you're going to say. I think you shouldn't have a kid when you're feeling unstable as a single parent. A child is not a good thing to help make you feel better about your life. Like, people should be happy to not have kids. I say this all the time. Maybe it sounds like a dig at my own children, but it's like,

not everyone's meant to have kids. Some people are sterile. Some people had their dicks chopped off when they were four. Right. You know? And again,

I think also maybe if you think that way, you should probably be more pro-birth control. No. People should just stop having sex. Right.

Well, that's not going to happen. Yeah, it's a fallen world but that we don't compromise on what the truth is so that people can have an easier better time why would you lie to people about the nature of reality what's the nature of it go raw leave it in feels better all the time it does but you know it doesn't feel good is having a child when you're depressed or being raised by someone who is depressed and they just got horny once and wanted to bone. And now that's your mom. Sometimes you've got to pay the cost to be the boss.

That doesn't make any sense. I don't know if that's the official church position, but that's my retort. No, I mean, it's better to have life than not. Better to have life and be raised right way, than we do to ensure that depressed people don't have children. Because there will be depressed people always having children. We can't have a position on that. People are always going to f*** up, but that doesn't mean you change the rules for them. Always better to cheat on your partner than to have an open relationship.

Because at least then you still know what the truth is. Better not to cheat on your partner than to have an open relationship because at least then you still know what the truth is. Better not to cheat on your partner. Right. But open relationship, there's something about open relationships where you go, ah, do you have that feeling? Oh, I think it's horrible. Right.

I think honestly, if rent weren't so expensive, you wouldn't have so many open relationships with young people. I think people basically, they just are like, I'm married, this sucks, I cannot afford to live alone. This is the

conservative argument for lowering the rent so that people can live more stable lives. But yeah, if you cheat, you're cheating on your partner and that's terrible. But if you have an open relationship, you're cheating on the truth of human nature. From yourself. Yeah. I agree. I've

known a lot of people who had open relationships. They all told me to read Sex at Dawn. They all told me. Sex at Dawn? Yeah, it's this book about how it's like, actually, polyamory

is our nature and women are better off for this and whatever. All of them, first of all, the women suffered the most. Do they? Well, it was the women

whose, it was the women's idea. Because you know why? Women do often want to open it up. But you know why? Because the women aren't being boned right, basically. And so they're like, it was the women whose, it was the women's idea. Because you know why? Women do often want to open it up. But you know why? Because the women aren't being boned right, basically. And so they're like, I love you, but I think I should f*** other people.

And you can too. Because they're on the birth control, Eve. No, but these are not women who are on birth control. Oh. Yeah. These are women in open relationships who are off birth control. Right. But I mean, well, they're using condoms or whatever.

Oh. But in all the cases I know, they broke up and it was mostly because of the women. This is why you can't let the... We've gone on down an avenue. This was meant to be a fun, nice, uplifting podcast about boat ownership, not just me saying women can't be trusted to make big decisions. We can always cut it. But I think...

I once did have a girlfriend say, we can have a one-sided open relationship and you can do whatever you... Italian husband. Yeah. Wow. Because she didn't have a very high sex drive. And I found that such a turn off.

Yeah. I was going to say that. That she doesn't want you enough. Oh, to be shackled to frustrating monogamy is the jet fuel by which married life can thrive, I think. It's meant to be uncomfortable. As somebody who's not married and not even in a relationship, I think I'm an expert on this,

but basically, when you get horny... There's so much of this that's coming. What point is it? This is not just an opportunity for you to... You told me I could curse. Yeah, you can curse. As we enter into minute 30 of your obscene sex fantasies, it comes out

of the show. No, I'm extrapolating from what you're saying. Eve, put the microphone down. The listeners want some solitary James Donald Forbes McCann time. Encourage your daughter not to have... Just tell her to go and find someone she likes. And if she has a baby, she has a baby. And if she doesn't, that's okay.

And if your bloodline ends with her, then... Shame on you for not having more kids. All right. That's my advice to the mother. It closes that off. That was pearls of wisdom. That was pearls of wisdom. Pearls of wisdom on your pocket.

Oh, now for a wonderful segment that people love, people are so happy with. People have demanded it return. Ocean news. Ocean news. Republicans now want to rename the oceans after Donald Trump. Love it. A proposed bill from a House Republican would rename coastal waters around the US. Where did this story come from?

No, it's not. No, it's not. Oh, no, it's under the title of the article. Ah, yes, it is. It's from The Independent, which i think is actually a globalist shill newspaper so i'm sure that they're going to be very nasty about this one a proposed bill from a house republican would rename coastal waters around the u.s after former president donald trump whose administration rolled back dozens of environmental rules while he was in office

phrase as though the seas would be absolutely furious to have this happen. Legislation from Florida Representative Greg Stube would rename the U.S. Executive Economic Zone, which is not a great name, the E-U-E-Z. It's called the EWS, to the Donald Trump, ooh, the Donald John Trump Executive Economic Zone of the United States. Now that's catchy.

I love it. That area spans roughly 4.3 million nautical miles and extends no more than 200 nautical miles from the territorial sea baseline, and it's adjacent to the 12 nautical mile territorial sea I'm bored. In office, Trump reversed nearly 100 environmental rules governing clean water, air and wildlife. That doesn't feel like it has anything to do with the story. This is a story about naming the sea something cool. And now we're just saying that he's not good on climate change.

He said drill, baby, drill was his slogan. I mean, it's a great slogan. Stubbins legislation, the first blah, blah, blah, blah. Someone else wanted to call something after Trump. Well, this is not so much ocean news as it is that Trump is very popular with a lot of Republicans. And that is true. I sense the goodwill right around America. You can feel it in the air.

Eve's voting for Trump. That's not true. Eve's got a little sign up out front of her apartment building saying Trump, Trump, Trump. And the homeless guy who's living out front of her house, she goes out and points at him in the mornings and goes, 2025!

Not true. You're gone! Build a wall! Ah, now it's time for Eve's segment. Although it feels like Eve has weaseled her way into quite a few segments on this, the first episode.

Teething problems. You invited me in. I'm going to have to. It's not a vampire situation where I invite you in and then you're there to stay. You have your contribution. You're in and you're out. All right. Eve's doing a great job.

We love what Eve's done for the podcast. This segment Is called Shout out to ships And Eve will be telling us About some of her Favourite Ships Shout out

Shout out to ships Give it up for Eve Making her way On to the set Eve Tell us about Your new Segment

Yeah we'll have to do Something about that Long term Shout out To long term shout out to ships alright shout out to ships leave some time for the stinger shout out to ships

shout out to ships shout out to ships oh no we'll get very Jewish music yeah yeah

like like shout out well you'll have to tell me what the Jewish music is I don't it'll be Neil Diamond is he Jewish okay king of the Jews is he is. I don't. It'll be Neil Diamond. Is he Jewish?

Okay. King of the Jews. Is he? Yeah. Oh, I didn't know. Okay. So shout out this week. This is my segment.

Yes. Shout out to ships this week is shout it out to the first cruise ship I ever went on. Wow. Bing bang. I was going to say bing bang boom. That's your thing. I've never been on a cruise ship. Really?

Never. I've been on three. Wow. Yeah. When I was a kid. I always wanted to be a cruise ship performer Really? I've been on three. Wow. Yeah. When I was a kid. I always wanted to be a cruise ship performer. Hold on. Let's do just a little.

There we go. Aw, thank you. It's like you want me to be seen. It's called the SS Norway. Okay. Alright, so it was a cruise ship originally called the SS France, originally commissioned as a transatlantic ocean liner.

It was built in 1960, decommissioned in 2005. And at the time that it was built, get ready, it was the longest ship in the world. What? It was, if I remember. What year was that built again? 1960. Wow. 316 meters.

Bigger than the Titanic. Oh, the Titanic was actually pretty small. It was just big at the time. Did not know that. Yeah, I've looked it up. Whoa. Yeah. And this was, it only sailed for like 45 years, this ship.

And then it was decommissioned. Which is a long time for a ship, apparently. And when did you get on this ship? I got on the ship in 1989. Whoa. Best year in the ship's history. You know, I read it in the... You would have been only like 26.

Has anyone ever told you to go f*** yourself? Sorry, you can... How did you find your time on the ship? It was great. It was me, my dad, my mom, my brother. They had a kids thing. We would go on little treasure hunts. They would stop at all these islands in the Bahamas and the Caribbean.

Although I looked this up. Apparently, the Bahamas is not technically in the Caribbean. Or it's not in the Caribbean Sea. Did you know that? This is just some of the incredible nautical facts we'll be discovering on the podcast. Any other fun facts about the ship? Okay, so it was usurped as the longest boat in the world. But not until 2004 by the RMS Queen Mary 2.

Hold on. So they built a ship that was longer. And then the next year they decommissioned. I know. That's what happens. Well, there's a little bit more of a dark tale to this. So in 2003, a boiler exploded on the ship, killing eight members of the crew and injuring 17. I don't think any of the passengers, only the peasants, you know, the crew below,

you've seen Titanic. I've never seen Titanic. Really? No, I don't like thinking of something bad happening to a boat. So I would never watch it.

And so, yeah, after that, I think it didn't really have much time off. They eventually, what they did, they renamed it

The Blue Lady. So it was first the SS France. After it blew up and killed a bunch of people, they thought, let's get a little name change in here.

Yeah, they were like, you know, it's kind of like a PR situation. They're like, if we just change the name. But it was up and killed a bunch of people they thought, let's get a little name change in here. Yeah, they were like, you know, it's kind of like a PR situation. They're like, if we just change the name. But it was, I loved it. It was the longest ship in the world. Yeah. And then for one year someone else took over and

they said, it's blow it up. Well, what they did apparently blow it up for real this time rather than. They renamed it so that they could auction it off. Ah. And there's a piece of it, the hull I think, I forget, is like somewhere in France. So they broke it up and they sold it to different people. Yeah, yeah.

Apparently that's what they do. They sell, you get this, you get that. And they might put it in a new boat or they might put it in a museum. Maybe they melt it down. I don't know. But it's now like thousands. I wonder if maybe for the set we could buy a piece of a boat. That's so smart. Maybe we could start for the set we could buy a piece of a boat. That's so smart.

Maybe we could start building the boat one piece at a time. Maybe we can start with that thing that went down to the Titanic last year that exploded, you know, that little tin can. The submarine? Yeah, yeah, that's immersible. Do you think that's available for sale? I'm sure it is, but I don't think that we're going to get it. I think it's a lot of money.

Eve, not openly saying that she's Jewish, but just... I'm the producer. That was the only big comment was people go, is she a Jewish woman? I couldn't tell. One person said that. Someone knew how to get you. Someone knew, right?

Yeah, that's true. And you know what I took that as? Flirting. I was like, sir, I will not sleep with you unless you start, you know, DMing me dirty words for juice. And then I might think about it. Now it's time for a segment called Fish of the Week. I was meant to do some research and come up with the fish of the week. I didn't do it.

So we'll be moving on to the final segment, Affirmations. Affirmations! I affirm that I'm going to put some more work into Fish of the Week next time. I didn't do very much. We're going to shoot the next episode right after this one. Affirmations! I'm going to research Fish of the Week before we start that

episode, rather than just looking it up right before. I affirm that we're going to keep making this set more beautiful and interesting. Affirmation! I'm happy with the lighting set up. The camera will do for now. We're shooting on an iPhone 11. But I affirm that I'm not done crafting this into a professional operation.

We're getting so much closer. I affirm! Affirmations! I'm going to be keeping Eve more in a box. This is the James Donald Forsbacan catamaran plan. If we could have maybe one to two to three, three interjections from Eve, I think everyone would be satisfied with that. But I also affirm that we've got to go and look up Eve on the Instagram

and help her have a successful career. Great comedian. What a lady. on the Instagram and help her have a successful career. Great comedian, what a lady. I affirm that we are going to persist with this podcast. I think, I mean obviously the amount

of effort required for this episode order of magnitude greater than it would usually be of just me sitting alone in the car. But I think when you believe in something you have to be prepared to work for it and that's what we're doing here on the james donald forrest mccann camera and play

now i feel good about that episode i think that'll cut down nice that'd be a good first episode at eve elbow you can splice that in where my oh i've got to say and don't forget to join the patreon all right acas powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture.

But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting The Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no, that's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook.

It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.