The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Nick

Episode Date: July 3, 2022

Here is where you can find some of Nick Nemeroff’s comedy:Album: https://open.spotify.com/album/3WkfgjYnxy5J4Jf8CbDtbb?si=crRu8bh3Spu0y9CE1wNY-wYouTube: https://youtube.com/c/NickNemeroffisanawesomecomedianTwitter: https://twitter.com/nicknemeroff?s=21&t=nbsjP5NGyUUCN6yWjh-osgThe James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News. death is not good i'm not a fan of it as i have said previously on this podcast and on many a live show gosh hard to talk about uh my friend died this week, Nick Nemerov. He was a great comedian. I hadn't spoken to him in a couple of years. I went back and I read back over our messages.

I wish I had spoken to him more recently. He was a wonderful man, a very dear man. I got to spend a lot of time with him when he was in Adelaide. wonderful man, a very dear man. I got to spend a lot of time with him when he was in Adelaide. He was briefly in a musical that I wrote and directed. He was standing in for someone else. He was wonderful. And then he went on to have enormous success. And I had forgotten this, but a few years ago, I had written a letter for him to get his visa in the US, and he had written some suggested things to put in the letter, and what he wrote was very funny.

He was the sort of man who, even on an official visa application, would still be doing a bit. So wickedly funny. And really loved comedy and music. And a lot of people have been writing about how he would make them laugh. And he did make me laugh a great deal. He made so many people laugh. But the thing that I most pressingly remember is what he looked like when he laughed.

Oh, it was like a, it's a cliche, but he looked like a big weight was coming off him. It was like you were injecting some sort of drug into the man's body. And he was moved. He was so moved by good comedy and good music. He loved Norm Macdonald and Jay Retard. Those were the two things we really bonded over. I've noticed, looking back through our messages early on, and it's nice to say, you know, a man who took pleasure,

those pleasures seriously and the arts seriously and thought that these things should be done well. And boy, did he hate people. Not hate people. He was a wonderful person to bitch with. You could really have a... And he'd let you know if he thought someone... Excuse me.

Excuse me, I'm still recovering from the COVID. But, yeah, some of my happiest memories are of him talking about comedians that he didn't think were very good, whose names I will not mention out of decency and kindness. I miss Nick very much. And I think I would love not to be talking about it on the podcast golly we got like another 20 minutes to go but i can't um i mean look i could just sit here and i could pretend that that's not what i'm thinking about and i could you know tell you about the ocean news

and not the death of a a chum and a great talent, but you would listen to that and you would go, well, this is stilted, James. This is unusual. What's going on? No doubt, because I'm not very capable of putting up the old professionalism. So that's what's on my mind today.

And I haven't done a social media post about it because I don't want to. Even talking about it now, I'm not fully happy with it. I think back in the day, you'd have a priest do a eulogy, right? Like if you lived in a village in the medieval period, the eulogy would just, the same guy's doing all the eulogies. And then, you know, the Reformation,

a member of the family starts to do the eulogy maybe each time. Multiple members of the family are doing their own eulogy. And now with social media, I feel like everybody's expected to get up and do some sort of, love you, brother! Excuse me. Ah, coughing. I apologise. And I just,

it's weird posting anything to social media, especially something public and private, at the meeting of public and private, like a death. Because, you know, people knew him who I don't know. And then I'd be writing about the people I know who didn't know him. And you don't want to just do some hackneyed, cliche thing. I think Nick would have been fine with that. Although I don't think he ever was accused of doing that. Yes. It's hard. It's hard to know what to say and what to do other than to speak in this voice

and then continue on with this show. Hey, the show goes on. I could just not do a show this week. hey the show goes on i could just not do a show this week but the show goes on and it's weird oh everything's weird everything's unusual do we want some ocean news news just as a little palate cleanser there to have some news about the ocean. Fine. If the people demand ocean news, ocean news they shall have.

Ocean News from Al Jazeera. Environmental groups press leaders as UN Ocean Conference ends. As five-day conference comes to an end, several NGOs urge leaders, Environmental groups press leaders as UN Ocean Conference ends. As five-day conference comes to an end, several NGOs urge leaders. NGOs, of course, standing there for not good oceans. Those are organisations who come together to try and do right. By Gaia, urge leaders to keep pledges made to save the world's seas. That's all I've read of the article is the headline, the H1,

and the byline, the H2. So it seems like the world's governments have made some pledges about the ocean, but that non-government organisations are worried that the government organisations will not maintain those pledges. And I can't help but feel that the NGOs might serve a slightly better chance of having their agenda carried out on the oceans if they had armies. Why would anyone listen to what an NGO has to say? What are they going to do? Hmm? Nothing.

Advocate for sanctions? We can't even get Europe to do? Hmm? Nothing. Advocate for sanctions? We can't even get Europe to stop using Russia's oil. Ocean News? Nah, look, today was actually a good day. I went to Mass. I took a young lady and her daughter to Mass with my family. She wanted to go. And she was also mourning the anniversary.

She wanted to go this week because she was mourning the anniversary of some people who had died in a plane crash in her family and how that had affected her family through the years. And she was overcome and crying, weeping in the Mass. And I must say, I think there should be more weeping at mass it does add something to the overall aesthetic of the mass so often during mass we are wrestling children fiddling with our rosary looking out of a window. But looking at a person crying, that really takes the mass to a whole other level

and I think gives it the dignity and import that it so deserves. Anyway. I can't stop coughing. I will try and replace every cough noise in this podcast with noises of the ocean. No one wants to listen to a man cough while you're on your commute, wherever you are listening to this podcast. Possibly on a commute, possibly on public transport, possibly in your own car, possibly on a boat.

Oh! Oh, I found out this week that someone I know knows the sailing La Vagabonda couple, or at least knows of them, or is connected to them through a friend of a friend. I mean, unbelievable. They are the leading Australian catamaran owners. They're about to move on to a boat with three bits in the water, but at the moment I think they're still on a catamaran. with three bits in the water,

but at the moment I think they're still on a catamaran. And so I simply must slavishly pursue that connection. This is the closest I've ever known anyone to the sailing of the vagabond people. Wow. I think they're great. I love their videos. Love having a beer and watching them sail. And I think one day I'll be sailing.

So there's a little piece of information for you. Oh, ladies and gentlemen. What a silly expression the show must go on is. I mean, sometimes the show actually has to end because it's been announced that there's a bomb in the theatre. because it's been announced that there's a bomb in the theatre. I remember I was actually at a show in Sydney not too long ago. A lovely New Zealand performer. His name escapes me at the moment.

No, I won't look it up. Anyway, he was on stage and an alarm started to go off, whooping quite intensely. And he was such a good comedian, he really managed to handle the whooping. You know, like the crowd was still having a great time during his show, even though there was an alarm going off the whole time. And I was just thinking to myself, should we leave? Because that noise, I think, would to myself, should we leave? Because that noise I think would indicate that we should leave. And then I went out to the bar and I said, should we leave? And the people

behind the bar said, no one's told us to leave. I thought, well, an alarm. And then a robot voice came over the speaker system after the alarm, you know, and it was a robot voice came over the speaker system after the alarm. You know, and it was a robot voice going, Please evacuate the building. The alarm is sounding. Please evacuate the building. Hey, that is a pretty good impression of a robot voice. And no one left.

Everyone stayed. And in the end, it was absolutely fine. I think it was a false alarm. But basically, everybody stayed. One man was dancing. He had like a shawl and he was spinning it around his head and going, in time with the siren. But everyone just stayed.

Watching the show and I think out of about 400 people I was the only one who went you know I don't love comedy enough to die for it even if there's like a 0.5% chance that this goes wrong. I'll wager the 99.5% looking silly to get out the door. And I left. I left there and probably did look silly because it was absolutely fine. And I don't know what this adds to the story other than being something a bit like a poem. There was a bakery, like a late night, very fancy bakery. And they had a cake in the window that looked like an apple. And I think it cost like $14, but I thought I could still hear the siren.

And I thought maybe that's a bomb and it's going to kill me anyway. So I bought this cake that looked like an apple. And it was like chocolatey toffee on the outside. Beautiful. And then you broke through that and it was full of cream. Full of cream. And then in the center of the cream was a stewed apple. in the centre of the cream was a stewed apple.

A trace of the authentic self exists within the inauthentic self there. And it was one of the best $14 cakes I ever had. And then I went back and I think I performed in the second show. And my hands were real sticky because I'd eaten a cake. I've written another poem. I'm sorry this show is a bit all over the shop. You deserve more. You deserve better. But I continue to write poems for the book of poems that I plan on releasing and having come out for the public that money might finally go towards the catamaran

and frankly I'm a little nervous this week because I my book of essays I finished uh mostly I finished the first section and I've written the rest of it, but it's not like as tidy. But I got like a tidy 11,000 words and I've sent that off to some publishers and some of them have gotten back to me and they've told me they're reading it over the weekend. And I just keep thinking, goodness me, wouldn't it be something if a publisher said, James, this is a very good book. Here is $1 million. We've decided to drastically overpay you for the promo because it would be so reported on that we've paid you such a ridiculous amount of money for your book that that will be promo in itself and we'll make our money back like when we paid Hannah Kent $500,000. Well, we're doing it with you too.

That is the hope. Seriously, I'm likely that that's going to happen. I'm sure they'll just get back to me and say, James, hey, thank you for having a go. I don't know why no one told you this previously, but you actually can't write for shit. Sorry to be the ones to have to tell you. That's what I assume will happen.

And then I will self-publish it and proudly self-publish it and act as though that was what I wanted to do. Anyway, here's a poem that I wrote this week. This poem is called Smoke from the Burning, Notre Dame, reflected in Michelle Obama's champagne glass. If I have learned one thing about entertainment, it is that people find juxtaposition interesting. An acrobat, fairly interesting. An acrobat who is an elephant. More interesting.

A politician? Sometimes interesting. A politician who murders a prostitute? Wow! The bigger the juxtaposition, the more interesting the thing. E.G. Smoke from the burning Notre Dame reflected in Michelle Obama's champagne glass.

That is a real thing. It is a picture. You can see it on the internet. I am not even joking. Go ahead and look it up. It is real. Now that is an interesting picture. A woman, excuse me, I'm going to burp.

Didn't burp, just felt funny. A woman, now we're back to the poem. That last bit wasn't in the poem. A woman, secular, vibrant. A church, religious, stony. Which is a juxtaposition. But then, what they are doing is even more juxtaposed. One is drinking champagne, and one is on fire.

But imagine if you can, if the actions were reversed. Obviously very sad for Michelle. On fire. Wouldn't wish it in a million years. Terrible stuff. And the Notre Dame drinking champagne. Spooky to say the least. champagne spooky to say the least but a picture where the cathedral's wine glass reflected the smoke billowing from the ex-first lady now come on let's be honest that would be interesting

what a juxtaposition goodness gracious it's the end of the poem, but I did have a dream last night in which I saw the wine glass reflected in the smoke, rather than the other way around. I thought maybe I should change the poem to add that juxtaposition as well, like

the way in which the images come together is also flipped. Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! Ho ho ho! the way in which the images come together is also flipped. Poem! I had an interview this week. I did a couple of interviews this week. I did a lovely podcast that will be out soon about my favourite songs.

Some of my favourite songs. That was a really lovely thing to do. And also, I had an interview with my accountant for the James Donald Forthman Catamaran Plan. This podcast that you're listening to now, the money raised goes towards me having a boat and the journey to boat ownership. Sadly, the accountant did accidentally not record the chat.

So we've booked in another day to do a podcast where she will give me, I think, the same financial advice, but both of us will be sort of going through the motions. So that'll be good. All right. Boy, oh boy, oh boy, oh boy. It's been a very busy week. I'm sorry to ping pong from thing to thing. My dad had a political campaign that culminated yesterday.

He did not win the seat of Bragg, as we suspected he would not. And I think everyone was a little crestfallen with the result. But my father, I am proud of him. He put in a very manful job. He served the party well. The family first party. And I congratulate you, Dad.

You know. You know. All right. Boy, oh boy, I'm so down and so stroppy. We did two wakes for Nick, both at the Exeter. Everybody sort of implicitly knew. Some people could go the other day and some people could went tonight. Could went, could went, could go, did go, did go tonight.

And it was a nice time. It was really nice to be with old friends, hearing new stories about a person who you're not going to get any more new stories with. It's really lovely. It's just... I don't know who came up with the thing that you would just stand around and drink after a person has died, but it really does work.

And it's a bit odd, because, you know, you're talking about the person who's died and then the conversation goes on and you're talking about something else, talking about footy, and then all of a sudden you're back on the death conversation. Like, it's not just a casual hang, but it keeps descending into, you know, the positivity.

It's so nice to all be together. And then, yes, it comes back down. But I do, I mean, go and listen to Nick Nemirov's work. I heartily recommend it. That album that he came out with, many of those jokes were jokes that he was doing in Adelaide. Like many people my age, I think he was 24 when he was saying it to begin with. And he was doing that American thing of getting that hour tight.

They spend like 10 years on an album, you know, on your hour, getting your hour together. And so he really, so much work went into that album. So much effort, so many gigs, so much stagecraft. His sketches were tremendous. I'm trying to and uh yes let us have some affirmations affirmations i affirm that oh i mean i would like to affirm that i'm going to call someone i haven't spoken to in a long time but i won't because the week is very busy I mean after I finish this podcast I'm writing about a bird charity uh until I think I'm just going to be up all night doing that because it's been a wretched week and um and if I don't write about

the bird charity then all the birds will be killed and that will be very upsetting. So I've got to write for the bird charity. It's hard. You just, you can't, you can't keep up close correspondence with every person that you'd like to. Unless you're a miserly bastard, in which case you probably have correspondence with far more people that you want. But I've got so many people that I really

would love to speak to and feel so sad to have not even lost touch but just like just haven't made time uh to speak to them and it's a very modern problem I think again to take it back to the village in which I think that I should live on this boat podcast, but a village by the sea where I'm allowed to go out sometimes and be on my boat, is that we don't all live together. Like there were people at this effective wake tonight who I haven't seen in ages. And it was a lovely opportunity to get to see them. Well, lovely opportunity to get to see them. Terrible opportunity to get to see them. But making the best of something one wished hadn't happened.

And yeah, I mean, I'm just not going to do it. I'm not going to get in contact with anybody. I mean, I already have no time. I'm already so behind, and I mourn that. I mourn my friend, and I mourn all the other friends that I am not going to get to see or spend time with before they die in a freak sleeping, I don't know. Anyway, anyway, I love you.

Sorry that this one has been a bit of a downer. I would love it to have not been a downer and just a willful celebration of life. And yet, that is something, am I incapable of it? I will say this. Again, go listen to Nick Nimroff's stuff. It's great stuff, really good stuff. His sketches, I really love his sketches,

and he was very active on social media. His Twitter account, which has been kept as an archive, is wonderful. And I listened to, yeah, on the drive in tonight, I haven't actually, I haven't brought myself to listen to the album. I'm ready to do that. But I listened to Jay Retard, the music that we chatted about. He really liked Jay Retard. His first comedy show was him recreating the album cover of Blood Visions,

where he just poured what looked to be blood all over himself in his under pants and i know some people will be going you can't be saying retard james i'm saying jay retard the name of the artist i'll have you know uh attempted to stylize nowadays as reotard because of how he spelt it but i've seen the documentary and that's absolutely not how it's said jay retard obviously died before that was a problem for his career boy I was listening this week to Skeletal Lamping by Of Montreal which I hadn't listened to in a while which is an album about Kevin is the lead singer who fantas fantasises after a break-up that he becomes a black man who has had many sex change operations.

And there is really only... It's a bit of a concept album. There's only one line on the album about being a black man who has had a great many sex change operations. And the line has been taken out. The original line was, I'm just a black she-male, and I don't know what you people are all about. You're made of chalk. And the new line is like, I'm just a powdered bell,

and I don't know what you people are all about. Anyway, and it took me by surprise. At first I thought I'd misheard it. And then I looked it up and I realised it had been changed. It had been reverse engineered out of existence. And obviously you can't be saying, you know, if he's releasing a new album, you can't bloody say that today. You'd get hung up on it.

You'd get crucified. he's releasing a new album. You can't bloody say that today. You'd get hung up on it. You'd get crucified. But, I mean, I don't know how much work that does to help the marginalised communities. I tell you what, it did make me think that any copies of that album are now worth

much more money. Skeletal Lamping, Black She-Mail edition. I can only imagine. All right. God bless. Keep it real. Catamaran Ho. Back to a more normal style episode next week.

But boy, this podcast is yet to congeal into a regular format. but boy, this podcast is yet to congeal into a regular format. I affirm, can I have a positivity affirmed? I affirm that I'm going to stay up very late tonight, working very hard on a bird charity so that my family can live in a house. That's my affirmation. It's not perhaps as grandiose as some previous affirmations, but I'll be doing Cooper's Palau and Red Bull back-to-back.

All right. Thank you for listening. God bless. Once again, it's kind of Moranho. Nick Nemirov. Nick Nemirov. Goodbye. Thank you. Teksting av Nicolai Winther Thank you. We'll see you next time. built to push you. We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton.

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