The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - NOT dublin lady

Episode Date: November 24, 2023

a hastily re-put-together, de-dublin-lady'd podcastdublin lady is out now on all digital platforms including spotify: https://open.spotify.com/track/0yn918OjltDtyij6Yye1e4?si=99c0f77bf8514ba3the new book of poems is out now: https://www.azonlinks.com/B0CMDFHP91join the patreon https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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CBC News. Hello and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. My name is James Donald Forbes McCann and this is a podcast where I try to earn enough money through a series of plans through my podcast to buy a boat. That's the main thrust of it is that I'm trying to buy a boat and I'm trying to get money for the boat. Now, over the last couple of weeks, I've been trying to grow my fan base in Dublin. Specifically, Dublin women. We had two Dublin listeners, and that has grown to six Dublin listeners and one more person in Ireland this week. So really positive there. I wrote a song over the last, just a couple of days ago, I wrote a song called Dublin Lady, which is out now on all digital platforms. And I recorded an episode earlier in the week about the launch of the new song Dublin Lady.

And it's a very optimistic, upbeat episode about Dublin trying to woo the people of Dublin. Specifically women. What I've just seen, however, is that there has been a stabbing attack in Dublin, and Dublin is currently... Well, the headline of the Sydney Morning Herald seven hours ago, I'm recording this on Friday the 24th of November in Adelaide, seven hours ago, Dublin descends into riot after three children stabbed near school. Protesters take to Dublin Street after knife attack injured three children. So currently they just appear to be injured. It's an evolving situation. Five people,

so two other adults seem to have been injured in the knife attack as well. It's hard to tell what's happened in the mainstream media. Presumably it is in some way a and if i had enough time if i could just sit down and read a hundred stories or if i went on darker parts of you know if i went on x if i went on parts of the internet where people just say whatever they want i could figure out what's going on and who's done this attack but at the moment when you just read when you read a mainstream media publication it's actually quite hard who's rioting why are they rioting who did the attack why did they do the attack i don't know but it's clearly a sad and difficult time for dublin at the moment and it felt tonally inappropriate to come out with my big, you know, 20 minutes of just pushing my new song Dublin Lady.

Very poor timing to have the Dublin Lady song come out. Not going to lie to you, Dublin Lady, it is out now on all digital platforms. Possibly more precedence at the moment on praying for Dublin, praying for the people in that attack. Dublin, you have, I've never been there. I had two Dublin listeners before I started this Dublin arc of the story. Now I believe there are six Dublin listeners. So shout out. Hope you're all safe. Hope you're all doing all right. I hope Dublin's going to be okay. I'm also quite hungover, so I'm not going to... I did a show last night, and I got very drunk. It was my Going Away from Adelaide show.

Thank you to everybody who came out to that. We had a packed house downstairs, Rhino. It was a great time. I'm having a very stressful time figuring out my visa at the moment. I know the... But the podcast has to keep coming out is the other thing. The podcast can't stop coming out. Knife attacks, hungover, doesn't matter. Podcast must keep coming out.

I've got an obligation. I have an obligation to keep making a podcast about me trying to buy a boat. I mean, just imagine you're one of those listeners in Dublin, one of those dedicated listeners in Dublin who listens every single week to the show. And then what? I just don't have an episode come out because the episode was about, you know,

unfolding seeming tragedy in Dublin. And then not only has there been a knife attack on children in Dublin, but what? You also don't get the episode of your presumably favourite podcast? I couldn't do that to you. So the episode comes out to me. Hey, James Donald Forbes McCann, great to be here. What I think I'm going to do to pad this episode out with the lowest amount of effort is I've written some essays. I've got a book of essays coming out and I've also got some music coming out.

These are two future plans. You get a foretaste of two plans to come. So the book of essays is called Sometimes I Wish We Were a Catamaran. That's its current title. It's about 32,000 words long at the moment and there's a lot more to be done on it. But that'll come out sometime next year.

And then I'm working on an album of music. Non-Dublin lady related music. And you can have some of that today as well. And I hope some of that is of interest. So I'm going to read. Well, here's an essay. It's called 90%. I don't think I've released that before, so here's the essay from the book, it's going to be the opening essay in the book, and then

the music, and then that's, look, that's an episode, I hope that brings you solace, if you want a little more solace, go and listen to the new song, Dublin Ladies, out now, or don't, if you think that would be insensitive at this time, you do what you have to do. Here's 90%. Getting anything to 90% is easy. Getting anything to 100% is difficult. This is true for everything, and it is the foundation of my philosophy. It is the secret to my success. Consider the most fundamental activity, the prerequisite for an ordered life, the cleaning of a home getting the house 90 clean is straightforward for anybody let us say that you are a problematic person with heroin needles sticking up out of the carpet compost rotting in the bath and a little burp there ejaculate

encrusted upon the ceiling and walls in In short, that your home approximates 0% clean. How easy is it from there to clean your home to a 90% clean level? Very easy indeed. It is the work of perhaps a single day. Whip out the spray and wipe. Push the clutter into a spare drawer. Do a quick vacuum. Your home will be 90% clean and child services will be none the wiser

as to your hitherto shameful situation. But what if you wanted to get the house 100% clean? Auction day, corporate, luxury hotel clean. It is almost impossible to do this alone in any amount of time. Professional carpet people have to be brought in. Chemicals must be used in the oven. Things that are hard to dust are somehow to be dusted with long and unsound seeming dusting utensils. A 100% clean home takes time, money, knowledge,

and effort. I tell you 100% can only be achieved by strange and unhappy people. This truth holds for all things. Playing a musical instrument at 90% proficiency, i.e. such that a normal person is impressed, is nothing. Backpackers and unimaginative school children can do it. But 100%? Symphony ready? Doing something interesting with the same old Bach? That is another thing entirely. You have to go to Switzerland. Come on! Come on! Sorry, getting a phone call.

Ah, it's my good friend Sam Clark. That's not so bad. Sammy! Jimmy! You're on the pod. I had to quickly re-record an episode because there's been a stabbing of children in Dublin and the release of Dublin Lady, yeah, seems a little insensitive. With your song?

It's got nothing to do with my song except that it's really strange timing. Oh, no. Listen. How are you? I'm sorry to miss you. That's all right. It's been too long.

It's been too long. Look, I'm going to miss you. That's all right. It's been too long. It's been too long. Look, I'm going to quickly finish this podcast, and then I'm going to give you a call back. I'll be working, but God bless you, Jimmy. Maybe I'll give you a ring back after my work. All right. Well, will I see you on Sunday? I hope your show went really well.

Show was great, but will I see you on Sunday? Yes, yes. You'll see me on Sunday. All right. God bless you. God bless you, Jimmy. God bless you. See you, mate. Love you too.

Bye. All right, where were we? But 100%? Symphony ready? Doing something interesting with the same old Bach? That is another thing entirely. You have to go to Switzerland and pay good money for an old man to shout at you. You have to play scales for hours at a time until your hands deform in a specific way for your specific instrument. You have to forego love and friendship. The movie Whiplash

is about the gross and disturbing process of going from 90% to 100% on a musical instrument. Michael Jackson's father understood it it is ugly even comedy which is superficially about ease and joviality is stressful and unpleasant when pushed beyond 90 to grow that extra 10 in comedy you must think reflect edit and struggle you must do the same jokes over and over again in countless rooms to countless strangers you must keep going until the words lose all joy and meaning for you just so that they might take on an extra 10% of joy and meaning for somebody else. Consider lovemaking, brushing your teeth, selling houses, being a doctor, cooking scrambled eggs, overseeing a sweatshop, ejecting drunks from a nightclub, trafficking cocaine, football, arm wrestling,

telling it like it is, setting fire to a doll's house bugs up the nose monopoly in each and every case reaching out and touching that final 10 percent requires absurd discomfort we glorify that absurd discomfort the united states has built an entire nation around the ethos of that absurd discomfort it is a ridiculous and wrong-headed discomfort, because that first easy 90% is more or less the same at the end of the day as 100% anyway. Think of the student who gets 90% on an exam. That's impressive, isn't it? Do you think they're any dumber than the student who got 100%? No doubt. The 100% student has suffered more, has had more anxiety, more exacting parents, but are you not

also a little suspicious about the 100% student? Might they not be deficient in some other way? Might they not have a diagnosis, a condition, a disinclination to eye contact? But the 90%, why, there's nothing suspicious about that. 90% nears the peak of achievement while remaining comfortably within the realm of the normal. And is that more balanced happier more respectable is there not even something a little desperate and repulsive about the full 90 sorry about the full 100 it would be very 100 to have reread this in advance and to edit it properly and make it perfect but in the spirit this is just me this is not the essay in the spirit of the essay i won't fix it i'm going to keep it at 90 is there not even something a little desperate and repulsive about the full 100

something artificial and sterile and here is a strange thing a true thing often something at 90 it's actually better than something at 100%. There are endless examples of books and symphonies and paintings that are 100% finished and 100% without value. Chinese democracy took 10 years to record, cost $13 million. There isn't one hit on the whole album. But John Lennon wrote Instant Karma in an hour. Paul Anka wrote My Way in the back of a cab in 15 minutes and frank sinatra recorded it on his first take as i lay dying as a first draft and faulkner banged it out in six weeks those examples are i think true there are things i vaguely recall i've not bothered to research them

to do that would cut against my philosophy of the 90 percent embracebrace 90%. Be satisfied with it. Make your peace with it. Never bother with 100%. Footnote. The one exception, the theory only works 90% of the time, is that if the incomplete 10% has the potential to be catastrophic, say if your job is ensuring that a novel virus doesn't escape from a lab, then by all means, yes, huge teams of qualified experts should work tirelessly to ensure that the work is done 100% standard. But for everything else, yes, huge teams of qualified experts should work tirelessly to ensure that the work is done 100% standard. But for everything else, 90%,

that's the way to go. I haven't put the word that's in there. And I'm going to. At the moment, it's, but for everything else, 90% is that,

is the way to, yes, what did I have? I said 90% is the way to go. Yeah, but that's the way to go yes, what did I have, I had 90% is the way to go. Yeah, but that's the way to go. That's better. The final 10% demands too much.

Man, I don't know if this is exciting. I don't know if this is a salve for people recovering from riots and child stabbing in Dublin. This might be a 10% podcast. Anyway, once you get to 90%, that going an additional 10%, it demands too much. I tell you, that final 10% is nine times more difficult than the first 90%. Now, is this an acceptable excuse for laziness? Can one have the afternoon off and idly enjoy oneself and have a long bath? No, never. Not in my philosophy. For in this philosophy, the same overall amount of effort is demanded. Overall. I'm going to take out that first overall. The dilettante must work just as ferociously as the

perfectionist. But after one thing has been done to 90%, one must move on and bring some other thing up to 90%. After you reach the almost summit of one mountain, it is time to climb the almost summit of the next mountain. In this way, a greatness greater than greatness is achieved. Consider the perfectionist. He has expended 100% of his energy, and what does he have to show for it? A measly 100%. But I, the super dilettante, the hero of the 90%, the possessor and genius behind a great philosophy, I have expended the same 100% too. But the fruit of my labour is a whopping collective 900%, which is by anybody's estimation, bigger. This philosophy is the secret to my immense success.

Second footnote, my eventual immense success. Currently there is only a very small audience for my articles, poems, stand-up comedy, musicals, raps, beats, influencing, paintings and podcasts about the journey to boat ownership. And the reviews are not encouraging on any front. But presumably that will all turn around at some point. I am 90% sure. I hope you have enjoyed this hastily assembled episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Gadamaran Plan. Here for your pleasure, and for the need to have something come out, is, well, it's a few minutes of hitherto unreleased music, unfinished, unreleased music.

Peace and love. Gadameran ho. Pray for Dublin. Keep it real. Here's some tunes that I made on my iPhone in GarageBand, like all the music I make. Except for Dublin Lady, which I made on my computer. So it's a fun fact there. Dublin Lady out now, all digital platforms. Here's some other non-Dublin Lady music, which some of it actually may have already been released on the podcast. I don't know.

And at some point it'll be a big long album that's no good. All right, enough beating around the bush. so oh Thank you. Bye. Thank you. សូវាប់ពីបានប់ពីបានប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពីប់ពី Thank you. Thank you. Bye. ស្រូវាប់បានប់បានប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប់ប� so Thank you. If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton.

Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca.