The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - "now no-one can leave!" feat. melanie bracewell - S2EP#6

Episode Date: March 2, 2026

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Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes-McCatamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.com. Clom? Ah, we f***ed that. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Melanie Bracewell is a star of stage and screen. Let me start again.

Melanie Bracewell. I used to watch Melanie Bracewell on television. Keep it in. I used to watch Melanie Bracewell on television. Start from here. I used to watch Melanie Bracewell on television. I thought she was really funny. And then I've gone away to a...

Like, I always wanted to go on the shows that she was on. I wanted to go on the cheap seats, you know? I wanted to go... She was a show where they talk about the news, and I wanted to go on, have you been paying attention, which is also a show about the news? How come no one's doing a show about the future?

How come no one's doing a show about the past? Everybody always wanted to do a show about the present. Well, I got a present for you. I did an interview with Melanie Braceful. She did a show at the Rhino Room. She was in town. How I found out she was in town, actually, is that I was trying to get up on stage somewhere

And I was looking up like, is there any stand-up comedy in Adelaide? And there's none. There's no. Like six nights a week. There's none. But Melanie Bracewell was in town. So I wrote, friend of a friend, set it up. Thanks, Ray.

And she, you know, we weren't allowed to use green room because there was like a music act coming on afterwards. And so that's why in the interview you're about to see, Melanie Bracewell gets into my car. And then we have to, anyway, you'll see. She's in New Zealand late. I should say that. So like Americans might go, hey, hang on a minute. either. She sounds like Australian, but different. It's because she's from New Zealand. She's big on Australian television. I was so jazz to meet Melanie Bracewell. She was going off to,

anyway, you'll see, I think it's a good interview. I think I scared her real bad. And I think I offended her. I think the first 10 minutes, she's scared, and in the last 10 minutes, she's offended. But I think that middle section, really fun for everyone. Could we have cut the, start? in the end, out? Yeah. We didn't. Because we want to give you, we cut a lot out,

actually. Wow. Yeah, I hadn't really talked to someone about Australian comedy in a while since I'd been away. So there was a lot of defamatory stuff going on

and Sam's had to work overdrive. She was lovely. Such an honor to meet Melanie Bracewell. Here's Melanie Bracewell. Here's me talking to Melanie Bracewell. All right, I'm going to call that. Are you good to go?

Okay. I'm going to leave the door open. Yeah. But that's, Obviously, I think that's going. That sounds good. It does. Enjoyed the show.

You're not doing the fringe. No. We haven't started. No, no, that's fine. I'm not doing the fringe. I've got to go to the UK during the fringe. And so I just always come to Adelaide, like in February with the sort of half of a show. Is it extremely hot?

It's really hot, yeah. All right. But it's okay. Are you ready? Let's start this baby. Drive, drive. Get that going for the love of the Lord. Should I put my seatbelt on?

You don't need to do the seatbelt, but if you do me a favor and rip that mirror in, because we're in the only one of these that you're allowed to be in without a reservation. They all say reserved bait, except for this one. Do you always do it? So you've done it here before? I'm going blind. So it's like, please, pull the wing mirrors in so I can reverse and not see. But look, there's no other option.

Thank you. Yeah, because I can't even see the back because he put a light in there. We good? All right. All right. And now no one can leave. Hello, welcome to the James Donald Ford-Bakand,

Catamaran plan, joined. What's that? Oh, that's because it's in. Melanie Bracewell is here. We've never met. We've never met. We've never met. This feels like how I imagined it would go.

It's going to be fine. You're one of the only people in Australian New Zealand comedy that I wanted to meet that I never met Because I was around the traps I was touring a lot But for some reason I never met you Yeah, what do you think kept us apart? Well I left two years ago I left

This country You've been really doing very well I came as you left I guess All right The New Zealand invasion of this country is absurd It's absurd It's sickening but then you tried to invade New Zealand

And it didn't work So that's All talk about it My keys are also broken I can't turn the car off right now. This is a new, it's a new old car. I reckon we've got to go down one just in terms of sound and still getting cold. The microphones are great.

You know, you don't have a jacket. No, no, no. I just feel like we could. It's more I can't hear you speaking to me. I'll project. Okay, yeah. Okay, cool. Yeah.

Who's the other one? Ah, who's the lovely Brisbane lesbian? Mel Bustle. Never met her. Yeah, I get her a lot from the street. People go, Mel Bottle. Do your impression. her time.

She was bake-off, right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you are cheap seats, which had just started up as one of the, two good shows in the whole country was that, and have you been paying attention? There was nothing else good. Our taskmaster was not as good as your taskmaster. So much so that I'm told we'll start up. I can't, you're in the industry.

I don't want to get you in trouble. No, that's fine. I mean, I will report back, obviously, to their my industry overlords. I'm told that the production company so little trusted Australians compared to New Zealanders in the production of Taskmaster that they insisted the Australian Taskmaster be made in New Zealand and then shot with the studio audience in Australia, fine, you can take care of that. But for the writing of it and the shooting of it, the Kiwis do it better.

Is this true? It's a weird one where Australia has so many, like, sort of big executives that make decisions about things that sometimes fuck it. So, like, I think one of the bad things about the Australian task is. Master, yeah, I'm going to go there, is the ads are so bad. They give away all of the tasks and the ads. And then they go, are you ready for some fun little hijinks? These guys are going to do some crazy, wacky challenges.

And you're like, it's called Taskmaster. All of the words that you need are in the title. Can I also say they, like, established people in the Australian Taskmaster. Yeah. And I feel in New Zealand Taskmaster, they went out and they picked people who didn't necessarily have a name. They'll have a couple of big names. Yes. They'll have a die henwood.

Yeah. They'll have a, who's that guy who does the breakfast radio show with Jeremy? Matt Heath. He was very good. He's so good. I used to work with Jeremy and Matt on their show. Were you the lady on a tour? I was the Women's Affairs Conciliator.

So I was in the B studio and anytime they would talk about something that might need a woman's opinion, they would go, we need to get Women's Affairs Conciliator, Melanie Bracer. I'd come into the room and I'd say on behalf of all women, this is what we've decided. We feel about this. That's how we connect with the demo. Yeah. It's, because you, I mean, I don't know where to begin. I don't know where to begin.

I always look to him to see him laughing. He can't hear us at all. If he doesn't run him down, I think, you've got an option. Do you want to, see, I'll rev him. That was a thrill. That was a thrill. Did you want lights on, lights off? Okay.

The car's running. We'll be fine. Absolutely. I read about your whole career today. I found out about, no, I won't, all positive. But I have questions, because where to begin? Yeah. Where to begin? Melanie Bracewell.

Where to begin, Melanie Bracer? You did new faces this year in Canada? That was two years ago. Was it? You're a little behind, so you've read the internet. I didn't even read that. There was so much to read that you had to start two years ago. That was exclusively through Amos Gil being there at a similar time.

Ah, so I was there two years ago, and I didn't do new faces. I was old, I just did the gala. You got to be right in there as an arm. straight into the gala and doing my own a show. I never... They wouldn't even have me. I'm so sorry. No, I'm fine. I think my manager...

But you're doing so well in North America. I feel like you're... Australia, turn this dog back on movies. You don't need these new faces. The Kiwis came and there was a whole wave of you. Yeah. Just before I left. Because no millennial Australian made it onto TV.

It's great to be here on the James Donald Fawkes-Bakant Catamaran plan with New Zealand comedian. Are we saying that? Have we stopped saying that? You've brought it back, I think. Melanie Bracewell, who's part of the great Kiwi invasion of my country that has prevented any young Australian

from getting on the air in an established capacity. Ray O'Leary, New Zealand, Melanie Braeswell, New Zealand. David Correos, he's not on TV, but he is taking up a lot of the space of who's the weird guy at the festival, we should go and check out. Guy Montgomery, they gave him a show. They did. Yeah. I protested it, but somehow made through, made it through.

Did you come up with all of these people? Yeah, in a lab, actually. We've got a whole thing going where we're sort of trying to find the funniest person. And we've failed a few times. Honestly, the classic. New Zealand is something weird happened there about 10 years ago where you started having good people come out in a huge wave in a way that wasn't happening in Australia. No, it's a trick, though. It's a trick, though. all the trick. We've tricked you. We've tricked Australia because in

New Zealand, and sorry, you've have spoken about how you it was hard for you unfortunately, but it's actually so it's so easy. It's so easy because you get to do your first gig in front of like 100 people. So classic, the classic

their raw night, the raw night there could be like 100 people there. And you could do your first gig and they'll be really nice and you feel like, oh, this is actually, this is I've looked it up. That's competition you won. So you're describing you. They were all really nice. You were the best one on. I read about it. You won raw.

You won the seven days. Comedy Apprentice. Competition. Then you won Raw Comedy. Made a joke on that show that my uncle disowned me for. Did you? Yeah, there was a picture that was this. Was this your test cricket playing uncle? No, it was a different.

It was a different uncle. It had a guy with a stool on his head and I was like, oh, man tries tactics. to get women to sit on his face or something. And I was like, either was fun. I was like 19. I'm like, I'm crazy. And my uncle said that I've like brought shame to the family and to God.

Okay. What denomination are you? What denomination of mine? This is not like a West Coast scarf over the head type of. I, um, my, yeah, I've got some Christian family members.

Okay. Yeah. I'm just going to move one beer over there. Yeah. And I'll move the other beer. One for dinner, one for dessert. it's a treat i'll be driving home after the show of course the um you want everything back to back to back and i want to ask you because i i'd been in new zealand uh at a similar time yeah and i met a lot

of those i saw people in the scene and in some ways a very nice very warm scene yeah but in other ways still a country that has got a huge suicide rate for a reason crabs in a bucket tall poppy stuff and you were winning everything at a high school you went to every award as you're allowed to win it. You get the Billy T. James, is that right? The negativity. I just looked, I've never heard a peep about you having any beef with anybody, which is

rare, because in Australia, we love in Melbourne. Wow, we love to cut people down. But I just want, I saw that. I saw your age and the award run, and I went, oh, people must have been furious. You're the one who's good, like, Melanie Bracehall age.

No, at the time. It's all on the Wikipedia page. You have a great bit about it at this show, and I won't be spoilted it. But I thought that's, I know people in Australia who have had a similar trajectory. Yeah. And how in these countries, you know, in America they go, oh, you're winning all these things. That's so good. We're so proud of you.

You're going. And over there, they go, fuck you. You don't. Yeah. I think, yeah, I think the best thing you, I think you say, like, it's a Kiwi invasion. We're actually just like leaving New Zealand because New Zealanders are quite mean about comedy. They don't like us. They don't like us.

They don't want us to do well. And they will go New Zealand comedy. That's. an oxymoron. That's the classic joke that they do every comment. Every comment. Or there hasn't been any funny comedy since Billy T. James. And it's like, you

wouldn't have liked Billy T. James because you're also probably quite racist. Or you liked the fact that he was a caricature of what you, like, felt in your racist views. No, I'm with you. Yeah. It's, um,

but I mean, the flight of the concords must have been beloved. Or was there a cultural cringe? over them at all? It's an odd one where I feel like people are 50-50 on it. They tried to make a TV show in New Zealand and got rejected by TVNZ. I remember it well. And then they went and, you know, made a show overseas and it was hugely successful.

And then people either say, oh, they overrated or they go, well, I actually thought they were good. And so they try and like, it goes back, it circles back on itself. But then they do go over there. Are we in trouble? We're not in trouble. Hey, I go, mate. I'm doing good. Have a good one.

Thank you, bro. He's good. Isn't he good? He's good at what he does. This is the bang bus. Hello? Hi, how are you going? Good.

How are you doing? What's going on? Sorry, we're just starting work now. Oh, cool. Are you working? Yeah, at the Rainer Room. Oh, you're working, Riner Room? Yeah.

What are you doing tonight? I work as a Bonsadong. All right. I hope you have a car. calm night you don't have to smash any heads through any windows you know be safe be safe all right you too cheers so i don't know you very well and i thought you had like planned some weird sketch that you're like we're doing the best we can to yeah i could up like just my stomach i was like i've been prank this is all prank no we're just not very organized

A lot of hard edits on this podcast. I can tell you about it later. But you're blowing up in the UK. This is going to edit so beautifully. We do a lot of edits on the podcast. I know I want to address this New Zealand thing. This is like an important because Taika, I don't want to start any shit. But I've also seen people, people were so happy with him early on.

Boy, people going, yes. Yeah. This is who we are. This is what it is to be. Rural working class. Maori young family. And then Humber the Wilder people, and I saw people start to go, it's good, that he's having success, good.

And then that Thor movie came out. I mean, I'm just going to skip the Nazi movie. People didn't know what to feel about his Nazi movie. I mean, it won an Oscar. Yeah. But in the way that Birdman won an Oscar, when people went, all right, but that Thor movie, New Zealand got so nasty.

It's like everyone wants to be proven right in a way, right? So if someone didn't like Tyke the whole time, they're just sort of sitting there stewing and stewing and stewing. And then when he has a failure, they're like, yes! And those people all like sort of bubble to the surface and like celebrate. They're holding themselves back until a moment. Because you don't want you just do it for no reason. We're just so insecure as New Zealand is.

So like we go, we fucking hate New Zealand comedy. Unless you like it. Do you like it? Oh, they like it. You like it? Well, actually I think it's quite good. Oh, you hate it? We fucking hate it too.

We actually, we've never liked it and we think it's shit. Despite that negativity, though, the government support, I think you do it in a better way than Australia. This is, I don't know who this will appeal to, a conversation about the media breakdown, but we have, you know, our money goes into the ABC, which are then allowed to run any programming. A percentage of it has to be made in Australia. Yeah. But in New Zealand, you don't have a government on, you don't have like a public broadcaster in the same way. You have RNZ and one.

And TVNZ is technically our public broadcaster, but they have ads. So they're a commercial organization that's like kind of owned by the government. But then money gets pumped in that everybody would make a lot of New Zealand content. So like the number of opportunities for a comedian to be featured on New Zealand television is greater than the number of, at least for a long time there. Yeah. And it's just we just, when I came through, like there's, there were a lot of opportunities and they're slowly sort of dwindling away. But you can get on TV quite easily. And this is why I say that it's a trick when we come to a.

Australia and it feels like oh my god everyone is amazing it's like well if you were pretty good in New Zealand you'll have some success and everyone gets a turn at winning the ability it's not like the best show award it's like if you've already won or you can't win it again so eventually everyone will get it go someone's got to get a go at least getting nominated and then you come over here and you're like these are the awards I've won and these are the TV shows I've been on and then but then also people are like oh I've never seen this person before so they're immediately good oh my god they came out of nowhere it's like no we came from New Zealand This happened to me in America.

Yeah, yeah. It was very weird to come in and people go, oh my God, this fresh face, you've just started. This is your first gig. When they first see you, they think that's your first gig. Yeah. And you get to be amazing. And then they go, well, I saw someone else on their first gig and they suck shit.

Do you think this moving on? Some people manage to do it where they're from and be beloved there and transcend the whole. And maybe that only can exist at a certain time. Dahanwood did it all in New Zealand and is not a known commodity in Australia. I've never met him. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But he's so funny. Here's an anecdote about Dai Henwood.

He had Russell Brand on. Friend of the show, Russell Brand. I'm joking. We don't know Rusty. Anyway, Russell. You don't know our dog. We don't know. But he was very funny as well as, you know, who knows what he's been up to.

But, not good. Anyway, but he was, he was done the radio rounds. And he came to Australia and he was on with Hamish and Andy. So funny. But he was running laps around him. And you could tell they were both going like, Oh, we usually get to be the funny guys, but I bet we better get Russell Brand to take over the show. Diane Wood dominates in his one with Russell Brand.

He's so much. And you can tell Russell Brands sort of edging back going, he's very good. I can't quite. He is so good at like pretending he's not smart. He will say something wrong and you know he's done it on purpose. But he's just so good at being this like bewildered stunned man and he like takes it. like all the way. He's so funny and he's so like physically funny. I remember one of like the hardest I laughed was like time when he like got up on the desk

and then everyone had pointed out that he was, he had his, he had one house key on a carabina around his, attached to his belt. And the whole rest of the show was just about his key on a carabina. Was this on seven days? You can do that in New Zealand. You can get up on the desk. No, that's the huge crux of New Zealand comedy is, oh, you've done something slightly wrong. Oh, I'm very embarrassed to the people of know. I love it. That was perfect impression, by the way.

I'm doing my best. Thank you. That's really bad, North Island. Yeah. In the South Island, that it's in the mainland. I prefer the mainland. You do? I love, oh, my goodness.

It's your favorite place in New Zealand. Danedin's number one. Wow. Chich is fine. Yeah. This Adelaide is based, it's the same designer as Christchurch. Are you from Adelaide? Yeah.

Yeah. But I picked up all that news. I was there. My wife is a Kiwi, and I have a very, I was taking a, I was taking a American accent. Where she from? She's from Dunedin. It's always blue.

It's very blue there. And the students and the sad people just walking around, the hopelessness. I love that. We used to have a chocolate factory, but we don't have, we don't have that. Yeah, they've taken everything from us. They won't even fix the hospital. That's the sort of conversation you get in. I would watch, I watch the news and you, like, you can watch it on YouTube.

I don't know if you keep up. Yeah, I'm sort of, I just, I don't know. Don't now. Right now. I couldn't tell you. We can't build all the roads that we're going to need. We don't know what we do about it. But I don't know the regular news because we have to watch like seven news townsville to see who's been putting trolleys in the lake.

You're not actually doing that though, are you? Yeah. That's crazy. Tim and I are so anal of things that we think are funny that like we, there are people that find clips and submit clips. Yeah. But I would say like 50% of the clips in the show are ones that Tim and I have found ourselves. Where did he come from? He's good.

He's so good. His career... But who is he? I describe his career like, you know, in The Sims, how, like, if you, like, go through the career path of becoming a doctor, you start out as, like, a janitor at the hospital. And then you could, like, get a job as, like, a nurse. And then you could get, like, your promotional scale, like, goes from... So he was literally, like, the social media guy for working dog and, like, taking photos of people behind the desk. Wow.

And then one week... like someone was away for having been paying attention. He sat in a rehearsal and was just like so funny. And they went, oh, we'll give you an episode. And then he's just like so hardworking and so nice that he like managed to get through. He's a beautiful screen presence. He's so good. It's a great shot.

I remember. Sam, I mean, Sam's happy. Sam is going to love watching this back and doing a pretty full-on edit. I'm going to be honest. But when we had the opportunity. It's so annoying because the toxic part of me. wants to make it harder and just start bringing up the things that you've already described. He hates everybody.

And he loves that show. He was really, he was really, he's really pleased. And I'm also, I mean, it's really, there was just so long where nothing good was happening on Australian telly. And then all of a sudden, all these very, like these great. And also, it was a, the New Zealand wave started not every, you know, it wasn't there for Rose Matafaya. Right? She got to go to the UK, but there wasn't. even a real shot here. She's sort of leapfrogged

over Australia though, to be fair. Who was the, there was a great, there was a woman named Heidi who did a show about fan fiction. Yeah. Yeah, she's a good mate. She's a great. Is she still doing it? She's not. She's like working in TV but not doing comedy. She was so good. Yeah, she's awesome.

And it was, it was really, something, maybe the British sense of humour came around is stronger in New Zealand. You are a very British. We watch a lot, we see a lot of UK TV. I, you know, You know, it's a lot of UK influence. And I feel like Australia has more American influence than...

Maybe. I don't know. I feel like it's because we're so little. We're like, we're just a little colony. And then you guys are like, well, we could break off if we wanted to. We could do our own thing. And you're like, I don't know, you just sort of... You've seen more American than we do.

I say we have a sub... We have a... There is a group of... There's basketball Australians. You know? You see the heavy set. trudging around and they wear the the NBA jerseys

and the big shorts yeah yeah yeah and so they have exclusively plugged the I shouldn't talk down on them because they're almost certainly 100% of my new audience in Australia and I love the basketball Australians they're good people but there is a sense where you go I'm not sure that the British influence is

you know you're not watching keeping up appearances and getting anything out of it you'd like 50 cent that's a big thing for you but you I mean you have that in New Zealand. You've got a very you also have no, I mean you have no Italians. You have no... Not one. I've looked at the numbers.

We got in so much trouble in Australia for having the white Australia policy. You guys kept it up and you guys did a white New Zealand policy plus Pacific Islanders until like the late 80s where you said we better let about 4 million Chinese people in here right now so we don't get in trouble. I'm saying that in a nice way. But you never let the Greeks in. You never let the Italians in. Why are you saying it like I am responsible?

Collective guilt. Okay, I'm sorry. My Greeks. I think this is maybe part of it. You didn't have Irish in New Zealand in the same way. We have a lot now. A lot of Irish physios. I don't know.

It's like a lot of Irish physios in New Zealand. Like every Irish person I meet, I'm like, you're a physio and they go, yes. I don't know why. There was a, I might be getting it wrong. My wife reads. I feel like you're, you're. Encyclopedic knowledge of scandals. No, but it might have been about New Zealand.

I think there was a guy who was like doing sexy physio. Anyway, I'm going to look it up. Okay. But people kept going. And then eight years later, he got in trouble. He was the in acting coach or something. He was a, he would align your back. Okay.

And he would kiss. Anyway, it was dreadful. Did you follow? There's so many edit points in this one. Did you follow the man who took his family bush? Yes. Tom Phillips. So sad.

It was crazy. It was crazy the reaction from people. Thank you. It was mad because anytime there was a story where it was like, a woman gets custody of child, everyone's like, it's so fucking, I mean, man takes children into the fucking forest and they like almost die. It's like, well, he's probably doing it for the right reasons. The sport was unbelievable. It was mad.

The hate on the mum. Yeah, they're like, she must be fucked because otherwise why would he kidnap them? They deserve to be kidnapped because she must be fucked. Oh, I'm glad those kids are off screens. Just good to have kids in the great outdoors. They've got guns. They're on a motorcycle. They're sticking people up.

That was insane. It is so mad. I was kind of rooting for him. I was a little bit. I wish I just kind of got more of what was going on. I think I just wanted the story. I wanted to hear why. Do you think Hunt for the Wilder people is in this?

sense responsible though for people loving. I've always said that. You live in the dream. Did that Australia find out about that story? I don't know. I think I mean I don't know it's hard for me to know because my algorithms are so a fraction. You weren't doing jokes about that on the cheap seats?

No, I don't think so. They got him. They gunned him down like a dog. Back after these messages. In our first season, it's kind of crazy because we felt this weird responsibility of being like we have to cover every story because if there's a big story

and it's bleak and we don't mention it people will get mad and what I realize is no they won't if you don't talk about Afghanistan that's fine that's fine Are you trying to joke up the bleak stuff?

No well the only thing is what we felt like was a safety net for us is that we kind of get away with a lot because we're never actually making fun of the story we're making fun of someone trying to report on the story and an umbrella falling over in front of them. Yeah.

Like it's never about the thing. It's about the media coverage. And we got so much from like when the queen died. And it was never like, we never were going super like, ha ha, she's dead. But. I imagine the queue got a lot of coverage. You know, they're interviewing someone in the queue and they're like,

what are you having that? I'm having chicken noodle. And like that's what we like to see. What was the bleakest one where you went, we shouldn't be doing this? Do you remember? Yeah, it was deaf. I can't remember exactly the story, but it was a bleak story.

And even we had it when the US bombed Iran. And we were like, this is bleak. Yeah. The only way we can cover this is we see what Talkback Radio was talking about at the time. That's fine. Where it was interrupted. And then we got the beautiful line, which was, I don't care if the US bombs Iran today. We're doing the quiz.

And that's just. Comedy. You've seen India. I've seen India. No, no, the quiz where people call in with India in Australia? No. Oh, yes, I have actually. It's one of the greatest things we've ever produced as a country.

Yes, they call in for the answer of the question. Would be India? Yeah. No, you're a very silly person. It's furious. Have you seen Father's Days on Sunday? No. Oh, it's a quiz where they go, okay, we're going to give you the answer.

What's the question? and so they call they go the answer is Sunday and you call him with a question and this woman calls up she goes

Sunday Father's Day they go yeah okay we've seen it in a question you're like oh I don't know we just see it in the form of a question

well Father's Day is on Sunday no no no and it goes on for like five minutes it's like one of the greatest pieces of radio you live to see

Jeopardy checks people beforehand they're not doing that with the radio call I want to you're a comedy show so you get away with it but when the project

was on. They did a week. They were always both. So they would go one and then the other. And the number of times I would just enjoy watching whoever it was, Wally Dali, you know, they do it, they finish the fun one. And they go, you know, well, he should, he should pull his head in. Women in Afghanistan are being subjected to. One of the favorite pivots, I don't even offer as a project, but it was like, well, they'll have to watch themselves next time. Human remains. And just the phrase human remains to be the start of a sentence. It had to go.

Yeah. Do you feel like it's all changing? You got in. You're the last one. You're the last one in. Then you think that no more New Zealanders will get through? Do you're the last comedian who's going to get to be on television? Perpetually.

Perpetually. You know what I'm like, no, I'm sorry. This is that for you. Some people will get a taskmaster. Yeah. And then they'll go, you've done your eight episodes. Thank you very much. but Cashman gets to stay.

Cashman's got his claws on the throne. But I don't see a lot of new things being commissioned now. Yeah, I mean... Am I wrong? I've been away. I mean, I don't know. It's so hard for me to speak to it because I'm the one that's got the claws in the throne. I'm proud of you.

So I can't. I can't... Hey, we're big fans. You're on the James Donald Force McCann-Catamaranan plan? I'm trying to move my head in such a way that he knows. Do you choose to have metal names and because you're first and last name? quite plain. James McCann? Yeah.

Is that really a tough question? I'm sorry. No, I mean, there was a James McCann who was hit the headlines while I was away, who's kept me out of top spot. What was he doing? He was trying to procure child prostitutes. He was an executive for the Commonwealth Pay. I'm sure that wasn't you. Do you remember this? You didn't do that one on the cheap seat?

He was procuring, no, he was procuring child prostitutes, and then he could. committed suicide. Christopher James McCann was his, he also went the three, you know, he with the three names. I went the four. No, I got a lot of, I got some plaque for it early on, but I thought it was, you know, like Madonna one name. Okay, so you were like, okay, you went the other way. You know, they go, oh, she's so successful.

She's only got to have one. Imagine how successful you would have to be, to be allowed to have four. That was my thinking. It's not, it's not panned out. It's made me very unsearchable. James McCann, there are so many, James. James McCants. You've got other Melanie Bracewills.

Your number. There's no one competing. There's a doctor in the UK who sometimes forwards me emails intended for me, which is nice. And then I also, because I'm for some reason enrolled in some academia website, they're like, are you the Melanie Bracewell who wrote prenatal brain development? I don't, I'm not sure. You finished, you went to uni? I went to uni.

But you were doing, hold on, let me get the, so you're in Auckland. You started in Auckland. First question I wanted to know from today actually Is was your were your uncles on the team When the Underarm Scandal I know that was a they were test cricketers I know that was one day Yeah I think they weren't there that day

I don't think actually I don't even know It lives so much bigger in the New Zealand imagination than the Australian one I didn't really know about it until I went to New Zealand But again it's like if we've got such a sporting rivalry And if we already hate you and you do something that proves it. We're actually happy. We go, ah, it's finally proof of what we've felt the whole time.

You guys have a rivalry. We lost so often at Rugby Union that we just collectively as a country about 20 years ago said, we're not going to care about it anymore. They can't hurt us if we don't care. Yeah. And then you go to the Blattisloe Club in Club. I'll be driving on. You go to the sand will drive me.

Yeah, it's all Kiwis. We're not going. We're not sending anyone there. And there's no other sport you guys really, I mean, you dominate that. Do you feel, you, you, how long have you been here for? This car? In Australia, yeah, forever. No, we should, we should close it.

I'm just kidding. I'm just kidding. We recorded for 30 minutes, so we'll cut that down to 15. 15 good ones, I believe. I've been in Australia for like five years. Okay. Will you leave? You're in a good wicket.

I... You go to the UK once a year. I do. They're better than us. I don't want to live there, though. I like Australia, unfortunately. You're in Melbourne? Yeah, I'm in Melbourne.

I like sport. You guys do sport well. Even though you say you don't care about rugby, but you have other sport things going on. You follow the AFL now? In Melbourne, that's such a social hamstring. It was tough because me and my partner, we tried to choose a team, and he loves birds so much that we were like, okay, we'll choose a Melbourne-based bird team. You can't have Collingwood because it's just like there's, you have, if you join.

I know, it goes with something, yeah. The other one's Hawthorne Hawks. And he was like, this is great. And we decided to support them. And then they got sponsored by KFC. And so they've become anti-bird. So we can't. But are you a pro-bird family?

We're a pro-bird family. Yeah. What are you? Well, what's new with you? Oh my God. And we're back. I can't believe this. Cut that out.

What's new with you? I can't talk about it. What's new with me? I'm in Adelaide doing my show and I'm just hanging out and I'm getting into a card game, quite into a card game. What's the card game? It's called Riftbound. It's like a trading card game. Riftbound?

Yeah, yeah. I'm playing a tournament tomorrow in Adelaide. Really? Because I'm so, this is the thing, actually. You spoke about it. You said, Melanie, you win all these things or you're like good at all these things. things. No, I find things that I'm like, I think I can be

good at and I've become obsessed with them until I know I can crush them and what it took for me to be into this game was playing a tournament against a guy who was a magician who I hated and he cheated. And now I want to be the best. I'm looking it up. At this game. How much money

have you sunk into this game? So much. Too much. No, but... It's so expensive. Would you say less than $10,000? Less than $10,000. More than $1,000. Yes. Wow. You're living the dream.

But the cards are worth. You could sell them. They're not. You could sell them. Yeah, no, you could. You could also, you know, you could. Yeah, but you could also, you know, you could. This is what I mean.

There's so many things you don't get to do for my, you think you're up? I will choose something. I will play sport. I'm really good at netball and basketball because I'm very tall. And so it's like, oh my God, you're so good of these things, but I would never try snowboarding. I would be so shit. And so I just never do it.

Did you show up to a Melbourne comedy festival awards night in a netball uniform? Am I remembering that correctly? Yes, and people thought it was a bit. But the thing was that I was not going to go to the awards thing because I had a netball game and then I was in the game. And my manager was like, they say you have to come. And they were like, no, you have to come. So I was like, oh, I guess maybe I'm up for something.

Yeah. And so I had to leave a half time. Did you win? We won. Yeah. Yeah, great. You did have to go. Yeah.

And so I had to be in my netball uniform. At half time, though. Yeah, I had to leave a half time. Yeah. Because it was in Dingley Village, which. is far away. But did they end up winning without you? They won without me. Okay, that's great. That's a great. That's a huge day. Which made I didn't even think I didn't even look at there. No, no, you got them up by some, you broke this spirit.

Exactly. That's so, but I want to confirm you are really going to a tournament tomorrow. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. It's a pre-rift event, which is, you know, the new sets coming out, obviously. People are getting the new cards. They give you three packs. You've got to put a deck together. Then you've got to, you've got to defeat the other person. Get prizes. It's going to be big, man. And I should be working on my show, but I'm choosing to play cards. This is the show. Who are you up against?

I'm not sure. I'll meet them tomorrow. But what level of tournament is? Is this like free to play? This is a casual one because it's a pre-rift. I don't know if you heard me say before. It's a pre-rift event. I didn't understand.

It's a chronological change. That's a new, new cards come out post-rift. Yeah. So this is like this set hasn't come out yet. So it's like, let's give you a trial. The new cards that are coming out. So that's why it's pre-rift event. The pre-rift.

Yeah, the new... Pre-rift. Yeah, exactly. Okay. Yeah. This is what you were planning on talking to me about, I assume. We were thinking about starting a card game. Oh, really?

What's the central premise of the card game? Well, it was fun to come up with the names. Okay. Like Yu-Gi-O or Magic the Gathering style, Lecubrious Huckster. Yeah. Spangled mercenary. You just get a fun adjective and a fun now.

It is. And also people pay a lot of money for them. It's so, that's crazy. And I've gone into those card game stores. Wow. They're look at these people. I'm not saying anyway. People are looking for community.

Almost every tournament I've gone to, I have been the only woman. I was going to say. And I went to my first tournament in New Zealand. And I was the only woman there. And I made all of the men, I'm so uncomfortable. They were shaking as they're putting the cards down. and one guy was a complete again this is the thing the fire in my belly of if someone's an asshole to me

and I want to beat them he I made a mistake that's a very easy mistake to make I obviously you must know I shuffled my legend into my deck rookie era shame but has no consequential effects right I shuffle this thing I take it out we reshuffle it's fine we haven't started the game it's all right he goes judge judge comes over says

oh yep just take it out but that's a warning I get a warning I'm like this guy's I'm going to kill I lose I get stressed I go into the bathroom

I call my boyfriend luckily no other women in the women's bathroom is fully there's 12 stalls for some reason there is so many tampons in there

I'm like these have been here for 10 years there's a pile of tampons that have never been touched and I swore vengeance that day that I would I would win

now did you go and Um, not that day, but I'm, I'm still one, I'm on the, I'm on the redemption arc now, but that's sort of the catalyst. Okay. Set things in motion of being like, you show up you're a lady, huge. I'm not that big. Sorry, I'm huge that you're a lady. Um, but also you're a famous lady. So not in the card gaming community. I, uh, I do blend. I know, I, I get away with it, but I do get, this is a, this is a, this is a, this is a, this is a, this is a, happened twice, a guy, the magician guy, was like, oh, I've seen your stuff before. I actually used to do comedy for a bit. That's a classic. I've actually, I went to Brisbane and did comedy for a bit. They love to bring up that they've also done it.

Well, he's trying to connect. What else is he going to say? I know. I've been in the women's toilets. How many times are they made? And the men's bathroom, their support thing, what do you think? dingers, sorry, condoms. No, no way. Lots of deodorant. Really? Mostly just lots of deodorant. Because I do remember the smell.

I played one Magic the Gathering tournament once and my dad took me and he was so disgusted. Yeah. By the other, by the side of these people. Yeah. He was, he made it clear I wouldn't be doing this ever again. It's so bad. And also no money had like a star deck and a couple of friends. Yeah.

And unless you really have a parent who's willing to bankroll it or you're a grown up, Unless you've got a television show. It's just so nice to think that that's... Are you getting any references? Is this the first public reference to you doing this? Is this a part of your social media? Well, it might be because they have decided to send me some free cards. And so now I'm going to have to post about it and go like...

How big is this game? So it's... Do you know League of Legends at all? I know of it. So I played a lot of that. And I play mostly a lot of TFT, top 100 in Australia, New Zealand. this game. But we've got so many Koreans.

And you're dominating him. I'm top 100. Is that fair that a lot of Koreans play that game? A lot of Koreans play League of Legends. Faker, a big, cute. He's like a massive mega star. He's so good at League of Legends that he was able to skip military service. They wouldn't even let that band do that.

Yeah, exactly. They wouldn't let BTS do that. But they let him do it because he's like the biggest celebrity in Korea. If anything, that's who you need in the military. Exactly. You can do the, you can get the drones. You can do the, I didn't know this. So this is the same world.

So they've released this card game. So I like, I like the other games. And like I said, I hate being shit at things. I could never play Magic the Gathering because everyone knows what to do. And it's the whole game. I understand. I found this. I recently got an Xbox and FIFA and I stopped immediately because it's almost as alien as playing real soccer at this point.

Yeah. And everyone's already done it. But I just want to, this is, this is exciting. because you're on tour. You know, like you did a show two days ago. Yesterday you fly off to an award show. Yeah. A big fancy award show.

Yeah. And then you fly back to do comedy again and the tournament. Tomorrow is the pre-rift event. Have you... Now, is this just happening? This happens often and it's in town, or you've booked these shows to line up with the show. I have not booked it to line up.

But, so these sets come out maybe every six months or so. So these pre-rift events, They're rare Because they'll only happen right before release And so I'm like Oh no I'm in Adelaide During the week of pre-release Dammer, I've got to do shows

And then I was like There might be one in Adelaide And so that's why I'm going to What are you aware? All right? Because you watch, you know When I watch at Yu-Gi-o Or whatever or the card game shows

Yeah Big You know what I'm saying? Anime The whole drip She's going to a card game tournament Tomorrow Tets out for the

Pre-riff. Oh, battery's been changed? Yes. We'll just have clips. Would you record any of the card game? Any of the event? I can record the game. If you would send some of that while the battery's being changed, has it changed over yet?

Uh, is, could you reposition the rearview mirror just so that this light hits back into Melanie's face rather than yours? Yeah, thank you. Otherwise, she looks like a ghoul. He's got autism. Oh, my God. That's my favorite. He's a very sweet. special. Now we've all got autism.

I think I've got enough evidence to work on at the moment. All right he's cutting now and so we move now possibly I hope the footage of the tournament from tomorrow. If you would take a little horizontal video and send that through. Really? I would love to. Yeah I could do that. Because you have an opportunity to really go

full anime villain. Oh yeah absolutely. Do you know it's actually kind of fucked of me to even reveal this but I remember that one of the tournaments thinking to myself, if I wear a low cut top, I think I could win. You could win.

Because the guys would be stressed. They're already stressed. If I was like, sorry, can I read that card? Yeah. And then they're like, oh, shit, I don't, I don't know my roots out. And then their eyes pop out and their tongue rolls out. Then I win. How much eye contact are you getting at these tournaments?

Oh, very much. They are shuffling their cards a lot. And I'm not saying I'm like some anime, a hot lady. I just want to check one thing because he's making it. Are we good? Are we back?

One minute until we're back. All right. Let's audio recording. Do I not trust Sam? I trust Sam. Sam's a great guy. What's your favorite thing about Sam? Name three things you love about him.

Oh, I would say his creativity. Yeah. I would say his inventiveness, but that's the same thing. You know what I'd say? I'd say he's, I'd say he's a, he's a willful person. Yeah, that's nice.

But he really has a strong sense of what he believes is good. Yeah? And, you know, I'm buffeted about on the breeze. I feel like I don't know how I feel at any point ever. What do you think he would like about you? If I ask the same question to him, who would do the three things he likes about you?

I would, I mean, give him a job. That's pretty important. No, I don't know. I don't know. It's, you know, what it is is we work, I find working with him to be really, I am visually the least. talented person of my acquaintance.

No, I really, because I would say I'm doing comedy. I enjoy and I have some sense where I go, I know what it would look like to be good at it. You are good at it. I've seen your clips and I find you very funny. I can go, I can, that's very kind. But I can, I have a sense of like, oh, that would be good and that would be bad, you know. That would be, you know, something that got the same laugh from an audience. I would still, a part of me would be able to.

go, well, that one was better than that one. Yeah. And in the arts, visually, I've got no idea. It's like... It's all, it's the same to you. Wow.

I mean, we don't have this saying in New Zealand. It's all Greek to me, because we have no Greek. No Greeks, yeah. It's all Greek to me means something completely different. That's what you say about the Chatham Islands. They're all Greek now after the unpleasantness. I love talking about the Morioreoreore. I know, but do you know that?

It's like a race. As an Aussie who's found out about the Moriori, it's like a race when you get there to start talking about it, to see if anyone will be uncomfortable. It's also not even like it's, but it's, this is the thing is that it's used to like justify racism. I know. To be like, well, you think settlers were bad.

Well, also, they did some bad things too. It's like, it's, and it's also not really, yeah, I don't even... Look, I'll go cards on the table. I love the Maori queen. I love the Māori queen. I even say it almost the right way. Almost, yeah.

Maudi. Maudi. Maudi. I love that queen. I'm not going to attempt her name. But I saw a hucka that she did with her people recently. I was so moved. And she's a Catholic.

And I hope you get rid of the current monarchy and replace it with the Māori monarchy. That's my dream for New Zealand. I think it's good when you pronounce Māori, but every time you say it, you look at the camera. Māori. He's not looking at me.

No, he's back at Māori. It's a, I can say Fana, I can say Faka Papa. I can say, um, uh, Terea,

Māori. I can say, I watch that channel when I'm over there. Yeah? It's a great channel. Yeah. It's a great channel. Tecate meo.

Is it, is I'm saying that right? No, it's just a, It's a show that's on the Māori. Is that the two guys? There's two sketch comedians who do a show. They're always screaming and hitting each other and stuff like that.

You know what I'm talking about? I love New Zealand TV. I love New Zealand. I wish I could go back. It's a great country. We don't embrace Australians. Not at all. You embraced Qies.

You embraced one Aussie comic. Oh yeah, exactly. A caricature of what we think is. Australians are. It makes sense. We go like, ha, you're all murdering criminals.

Heath Franklin's doing Eric Banners chopper. Yeah. He's the only Aussie who's had any cuts through it. But what I love about is when he first started to do chopper in New Zealand, he was doing more of a caricature of like being this loose like criminal and intense. And then over time, he has just like morphed it into being like just regular observation. comedy, but he has to be

dressed as chocolate. Can I tell you my favorite one of those? I remember a couple years ago at a comedy festival of, because it's just at some point it's like Heath Franklin's, he's working on his sixth hour. So it's just him, but he was doing like, but he's still doing the boy. He's going like, you walk down

the street and you look at a woman because she's dressed in a provocative way and she looks at you like you're a pervert. I mean, I'm a red-blooded man, where am I supposed to look? And it's like, this couldn't be further away from Mark Chopper It doesn't make any sense that he would. But it was beautiful.

Also, I like that when the real chopper died, there was a story in, oh, I don't know which New Zealand newspaper, but it was like, don't worry. It's not the chopper you care about. It's some other, it's the chopper that he's basing that on. They had to specify. I thought that the character came after chopper died. I thought he was like, do it?

That's something that's tough to reckon with. They ran parallel. Yeah. Wow. Uncle bloody chop chop. the uh oh man what i mean you i mean i just i wanted i would so love to be able to go and do comedy in new zealand and i sort of one can osse it's a better market than australia because you've got more towns of 50 000 people like in terms of a place you can go

you can't troll oh to tori's hard people don't want to spend money on comedy in new zealand you must do it and you must do well they must be so proud of you don't go everywhere in new zealand i'll do Auckland and Wellington but I wouldn't go to like you don't go to Chichia I don't go to Nelson you don't go to Milton you don't go to Palmerston North it's hard I don't know I do yeah I also don't like every time I go back I'm like remember me I don't know like I don't really do a lot in New Zealand anymore so I just have to be like remember when I dressed up as Jacinda on TikTok did it's huge it's just it was huge yeah it was huge but that's diminishing with the guy from the show yeah I stopped Watching after his character wasn't in it anymore.

I've never seen the last season of that show. In my TikTok. Yeah. That's what I left your TikTok behind. This is it. But they, do your shows not go? Do they not broadcast? Cheap Seats doesn't play in New Zealand?

No, they don't care who Barnaby Joyce is. They should. He's one of you. He's one of you. He's one of your mob. They don't care. Now I don't say that. No, it is.

But it's New Zealand much more than Australia. Australia, I've looked at the. numbers, I've spoken to Americans about touring in New Zealand. And it's a much more inward-facing culture for whatever reason. But they would get around Americans. Americans do much worse in New Zealand than in Australia. Okay. When they go on tour, they do the Australia run, and they go, whoopity-de-do, and then they

go, and now it's time for the Auckland show, and they go, fuck. Yeah. I had this conversation many times. Comedy, we just like, I think UK comedians do well in New Zealand. It's just, I don't know They just, we just We ebb and we flow We also just like

Don't have a thriving The comedy festival is not big Because there's not a lot of money in it So like they have to have a mayonnaise sponsor to like get it off the ground And then it's like It's mostly a mayonnaise Best Foods mayonnaise

Are you being serious? I'm serious They have as best foods So everything is like the Best Foods Comedy Gala It's the Best Foods Comedy Festival You're like There's more mayonnaise Like, I, they posted a clip from my gala set, and it got like seven million views.

And they did not tag me, but they did tag the mayonnaise company. And it's just like, that's where the priorities are of the festival. It's, we've got to, but like, they're in a tough spot. They don't have government support to put the festival together. So they have to, like, appease the mayonnaise overlords. I know they didn't have government support to put the festival there. Yeah, it's all that's a charity. The comedy trust that puts the festival together is a charitable.

linked from the guild? They're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, they're, there's a comedy trust in the comedy guild. Okay. The guild is more about, um, making sure there's, like, rates that are appropriate for gigs. Like, this is the base guild rate, so if they ask you to do a show down in the park, you can be like, I'll take guild rates. No one else does this in the world.

It's like, the guild rates, I don't know what they are now, but they're not like, like, high. Yeah, but they're just like, at least a benchmark where you can say, I deserve this. I mean, they try to bring a set. more thing in the comedy still used to not pay people. I don't know if this is a story everybody knows, but the comedy store in America used to not pay people, and then they went on strike. And this was in the 70s, 80s,

but a lot of comedians broke the picket line, and some held the picket line. And they all became famous later on. Eventually one guy did, I think the strike was broken, and they started paying people a tiny amount when a guy committed suicide on the building next door. He just jumped off as an active spite.

But it's like David Letterman and Jay Leno were both, they held the picket line. They said, we're going to stop people going through it. But Gary Shandling broke the picket line. He went and did the gigs. He wanted to keep working. The thought was that every TV person was there. So you were going to make it.

Why should we have to pay you as well? And there's good arguments for it and again. Anyway, but very few industrial relations struggles in stand-up comedy. In Australia, never. So do you go to the US a lot and you plot it around? Or do you mainly just hang out here? I went for like two years I had like basically not been

I dragged my whole family over there two years fourth child is on the way Oh it's fourth child Okay I thought this was like first like yeah No I know but you had said You had said you've got a baby on the way and I wasn't sure if you No no this is number four one second

What does that mean? What's on? How could I have not? I don't know I know He wants the mirror more She's too lit He loves that

Yeah too lit No, I got a lucky break and I chased it. You do not get a lucky break. You're very funny and you're successful. No, no, no. Like everyone needs a lucky break. You've got to have a lucky break. You've got to do something with it.

Yeah. But I mean, I was here for like 15 years. Nothing was. I also refused to do the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. This is the thing about you guys though is that you are like, I say, I talk to Luke Hagee and he's got the similar attitude. Yeah. which is like, oh, like, working dog want to have a coffee with me. And I don't want to have to have a coffee to get on their show.

Come on. You can just have the coffee. Just have the coffee. I found the working dog email three years ago. Yeah. I sent an email completely out of the blue. Yeah. And they didn't get back to me.

And I thought, that is fair. They get. Because I can't move tickets and no one knows who I am. They get. A lot of, a lot of emails. You have to be the social media guy first, and then someone has to go away, and then you get to go on and make your own TV show. I'm going to do the Tim McDonald method.

I will try. I will try. This is how we're doing it. Can you have a word to Rob Sitch about me? I'll have a word to Rob Sitch. All I want to do is thank him for what he's given the country. And the others are good, too. The others are all good.

But Rob Sitch is, to me, Rob Sitch's top five Ozzy comic people ever He is so funny And so when we So Tim and I will write the show And we'll put all the clips together And we have a script

And we send it off to Tom Rob and Santo And it's such a like They've got such a different style of writing And I think Rob has This amazing ability To make the shortest funniest joke Yes

It's like three words And you're like Oh it's like How do you think in that way? It's a pretty, he has a, I've never met him. But man, I don't know how many Americans I showed champagne sketch comedy to. I had to stop once the sketch started because they don't understand cricket. It's so good.

He taught. Oh, no, he's a gift. And you have to say nice things. He told us the backstory of that of basically it was like, they kind of had room for the sketch. And that was kind of the only sketch they had was this cricket sketch. And they were like, we have to put this in the show. and Rob was like

we can put the sketch in the show but I have to be able to come out afterwards and do something about it because it's like we're going to put it in but I have to come out and I've got something planned to do afterwards. What a weird time that you could it was that free and that young people will put in charge.

Yeah. Of a TV show the biggest thing I've taken from America is they are not a stratified society on the basis of age. Boy race will do some cutting up of the populace. But on age, this anti-boomer thing that's happening here, it's not there. Yeah.

They don't have it. They don't feel any. There's some, there's some like, oh, baby boomers have taken everything here. It's like, really, whatever genocidal is for old people, we've got it. It's housing. It's like, you've got university for free and you've got a house for free and you're saying, be grateful. And now I can't afford a house. And so there's like a clear, it's like just that.

the thing that's stopping it. It's obviously really bad. And they're not dying very quickly at all. And thank God, because I love my family. And I don't need them. It's so nice. Isn't it nice to be doing well enough to not need your family to die? Because a lot of people aren't lucky enough to be in that position.

They're going, oh, how long? How many heart attacks can a guy bounce back from? I got a kid, man. I want to go on a cruise. Die. But I get to go. I hope everyone lives forever. this is going great.

Yeah, I hope my parents live forever too. Isn't that beautiful? Yeah. But a lot of people want their parents to die in this economy. They need them to die so that their kids can go to a private school. You know? They could just ask for the money, but that would be awkward. So instead, we're going to keep bringing up the euthanasia pamphlets.

That's why we've brought that in. Is it legal here now as well? Oh, yeah, everywhere. Yeah, everyone is ready. We had a referendum that was like, do you want, which I think is great. So I can't vote in Australia. I can't vote.

We're going to have the same take. I'll go. Okay, this is my take. It's actually not about the referendum, really. It's more about my rights as a New Zealand citizen in Australia. I can't vote in an election, even though I live here for five years. Friend of mine lived in New Zealand for six months, voted yes on weed, yes on euthanasia, and then left. It doesn't make any sense.

That was not where I thought it was going. That's not where I, yeah. It was the, because you voted yes. on euthanasia. I voted yes on both. I keep saying you. I mean the country. The country voted yes on euthanasia and no on weed and both of them were weirdly close.

Is that not odd though that like getting high should be illegal but a doctor? Yeah. You know, hitting you with a death pillow. That would, it would just seem to me, it would seem to me, it would seem to me that marijuana, everyone's had it. I never have, but everyone around me, they love it. But it seems like not a big deal. But changing the system by which the government is allowed to kill you, it's at least like a bigger deal.

It was bad timing, I think, because it reached a point where vaping was kind of, people were realizing vaping was bad. And the issue was is that there was like a vape shop outside every school. And so people were able to fearmonger and go, well, you think that's bad. It's going to be weed vape shops on every school. at every school and the tuck shop's going to be selling weed and everything weed is going to be

everywhere and oh watch out and so people were like i've been to new york post marijuana post marijuana the smell is you got it in 10 a.m. It's fucking sick man it's fucking ripety d but new zealand coming out of my apartment yeah I people are driving people getting high dispensaries everywhere that's I think it's crazy. They're like high driving all the time. Yeah, I don't approve of that. But also, New Zealand is the most stone country. You guys really have a marijuana thing.

You could get it. You could get it. Hot knifing? What do you call that? What's it cool when you take two knives and sticking together? Dabs. It's dabs. They gave us dabs.

Do you call it hot? Is that what it's called hot? I just knew it was involved making knives hot. Yeah, okay. They make two knives hot and then they put marijuana in between the knives. Yeah. Then they go, oh, my hot. They're butter knives, to be clear.

Yeah. Is that how? Huge. There are so many. Oh, man. I just, I just wild out about New Zealand forever. I've got to stop. There are other things.

You're not just a person from New Zealand. So you went to New Zealand because your wife's from there? Yeah. Or for other reasons? I went when I was a kid on a family holiday. I thought it was great. No, I mean, like, you did comedy there. Yeah.

No. I mean, I would say I was there for, I don't know, weeks. Oh, why? Why did I think you lived there? Because you know something. many Kiwis. I guess I just assumed a little bit. I really went and tried to ingratiate myself. I mean, there was so many interesting people. And the classic was the best room for comedy I had ever done. And in May still in, in, uh, I think Stuart Lee says it's one of the best

comedy rooms. Oh, in, in Australia? It's number one. Yeah. Is that fair? It's a great venue. It's a great venue. It used to be a porn theater. I did know that. And Paul Horan was involved in setting it up. who started the project horror am I right? Am I saying that right? I might be getting his own more. No, I don't know.

I just started trying to do porn theater joke. He's enough editing for Sam already. He was great. I worked with him on a TV show on the ABC. Yeah. And I got to work on other, I did find,

I got a couple opportunities here to work on other people's shows. And I did find that to be, did you do any of it? You wrote, you wrote jokes for other people you were a seven days writer as well as seven days writer I wrote on Wellington paranormal I didn't know that

yeah that's huge wrote for the spinoff of time bandits of a TV show but it's like when you say Flight of the Concord's I was like the biggest Fly to the Concord's fan like I at school it was like my whole personality I would like sing all of the songs and then I got to work with Jermaine

and I got to do the show Yeah, I got to write on the show and he had liked my tweets. What are you saying right on the show? Oh, no, no, not on Fight of the Concordes. On what we do in the Shadows. Oh, very cool. And not what we do in the Shadow's Wellington Paranormal, which is like in the same universe. And he had said that he liked my tweets and I, I said it like that.

Sick tweets. And then I pitched some ideas and then I got to write on the show. And I had to be like, nice to meet you, but he didn't know. I actually had met him before because I paid $50 to get a photo with him at a convention. Again. How many of these conventions are you going to? I know. I realize that.

It's like not many. It was the same one that I met Jean-Carlo Esposito. Who else did you mean at that convention? I was just those were the two ones that I met at one convention, 10 years ago. I don't really believe that. It really was. I can tell you. Because one's very famous and one's come up naturally, which makes me think there must be a hundred-

Well, it was, no, it was, so Jean-Carlo was there by himself, but then they had all the cast of what we do in the shadows of the movie. Okay. To, like, and so it was, I've got a photo with all of them together. Is that a Tyker movie? Yeah. I wonder what he'll do now. I wonder what he'll do now.

I watch his career with great. We haven't had an Australian director post, I don't know. We had the Mad Mac stuff. Got the Philippa brothers doing pretty well. You got some... I'll help you. I'll give you time stamps. I'll give you timestamps, all right? I'll do it. I'll do it.

We're also not going to let you miss the DJing set. I'll also give you a few time stamps. Yeah, we'll both watch it and give you time stamps. And we're back here on the James Donald Forbes for Catamaran Plan. You have a great tournament. What the fuck? I haven't had a debrief about Australian comedy in a while. So I apologize.

Yeah, no, I've loved her. I've got no, this is going to be so beautifully edited. Who keeps trying to call me? Oh, it's good, anyway. Oh, if you can pan rearview mirror to the left to get light to reflected Melanie's eye. No, that was familiar, right? It was familiar, right? We unpanned. Oh, no, my wife has just played vagina in a game of, you play this, you play this.

It's like words with friends, but it's the New York Times. I do like words with friends, but I don't know. New York Times is doing one. Are you on New York? Cross play? Cross play. Cross play. I've had it come up and they said,

your friends are playing crossplay. You'll play crossplay? We're all playing crossplay. I'm more doing the crosswords. Yeah. I like the bumblebee game. Oh, the one big game's great.

Yeah. Yeah. I had, man, I had like a month there where I was moving house. And it was nuts. And it was just every day I would go. I would not. Do you ever look at the hints?

Once I've reached genius. Yeah. I allow myself to look at the head. I'll ask to look at the letter ones. It's just like, Oh, many of each letter combination start. I'm happy to go with that.

How could there be another six? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. I love the bumblebee game. Yeah. And then what I would do, my friend Eve and, you know Eve. You know Eve, Ellen Bogan. Yes, I do know Eve, Alan Bogan.

I have not seen her in a long time. She's in Austin right now. Amazing. Eve would help me pack up the house. I love Eve. And a percentage of people on this podcast love Eve as well. I've had Eve on the show a lot. And sometimes people go,

You know, Eve's, I like Eve. And sometimes people go, get this. And I love Eve. That's really reassuring to know. Eve helped save my life over the last couple of months. And I won't go into detail. I love Eve. Sorry.

Don't give more editing work. Don't give more editing work to this man. We would play the B game at the end of the night and we would go through all the words, you know. And she, you know, she, you know, she would say Yiddish and I'd go oh I didn't get that one yeah you know and I'd say hatstand and she goes yes and it was the it was one of the happiest memories of my whole life oh I'm so sorry it's so hard to play the game here because it resets in the fucking lunchtime

do you know what I'm saying yeah yeah it's a fun I like to do it if you're I if you're at a theme park and you're waiting in line so specific yeah then it's like by the end of the time we get to the front of this line who's got the most words. That's a really humane way to do it. Yeah. How many theme parks are you going to? That's a regular occurrence.

I love pop culture. Did you go to Disney World? I went to Disneyland. I also loved Disney. I cried at Disneyland when I went by myself. I just about cried having the kids because my son wouldn't stop thrashing when the light parade was happening. We had to stay there until the bloody fireworks. It was nightmarish.

When you say thrashing, Link? History. He was done He'd been at Disneyland Seven hours or something The flashing lights and he's thrashing It's like he's had a seizure He was just bored

We've got in a good place for the fireworks But anyway I saw that they're cutting up the Star Wars section The Star Wars section was all the new Star Wars movies And they're cutting it in half And it's going original ones They're starting to memory hold the new ones They're starting to go

Let's move away I don't know that that was a good idea Isn't that something? That is something How did you feel about the new ones I never I watched the original trilogy

maybe like seven years ago Not a big Star Wars person Like I enjoyed the When the new ones Are about to come out I went I should get around to watching the original trilogy

I went these are really good I should have watched us earlier I only say it's a pop culture person Yeah It's a big one to skip I know I don't know why Harry Potter

No I never read the Harry Potter books Hold on Let's keep going Okay. Pokemon. Not really. The Simpsons?

Simpsons. Okay. You go backwards. What were your big pop culture franchises? It would be, yeah, the Simpsons I loved. In terms of video games, though, I was more like niche. I really loved Final Fantasy. Which was your, I just played six for the first time.

I went back on my phone and played six. But I started at seven. I liked Final Fantasy seven. and then Final Fantasy 10 was the one I actually did first because I watched my brother play it and I was like, so I really like Final Fantasy 10. You're slightly younger than me. Yeah, that's what we're learning.

Did you go back to do 8-9? I never finished 8-9. They're not as good. Yeah, that's the problem though, is that I loved 10 and I even enjoyed X2 because you get to change outfits. Yeah, yeah.

I actually never played 10. I watched Friends play 10. Yeah, and I just, I loved it. And then I was like, oh, but everyone's like, oh, but seven is the best one. Yeah. And so once you know the seven is the best one, you don't really have the urge to make the others. Are you following the seven remake? I've played the first part of the remake.

I haven't played any. I don't know. But I need to play part two. I went on a video game purge for like 15 years. Maybe it was like Mass Effect, from Mass Effect 2 to about a month ago. I was out. I started playing a game called. Is it called bonk or is it something it sounds like bong?

It's a long title. It's either bong or something that sounds like bong. Or it's like bonkhead or something. But it's one of those swarm games. Yes. And it's like the most addictive thing. Is it on a machine or on a phone? We've got a steam deck, obviously.

And so I've, before bed, you just like, you get to play a little skeleton on a skateboard. And there's like little monsters coming and then you fire and you upgrade your weapons. I have no. Look, I find the steam deck confronting. I'm afraid of it. Yeah. I just sit in front of the television. I play the,

I play the, I don't want to get, I don't want to lose myself. You don't have a game of chair. On. I thought about buying the chair to frighten my wife because I was buying a chair for my home office. I say home office,

a corner of my bedroom. If I had a home office, it'd be a podcast studio and we wouldn't be in this car. A friend of mine was telling me she was having, like, dinner with her neighbor. And it was one of those ones where, like,

And so they had to put grandma in the gamer chair. It's like the only thing I can picture when I think of the gamer chair now. I think Amos has a joke about if Enzo Ferrari could see what they're doing with his chair in the gamer room. It's like, this fat mess, broke my heart, a mob a little beast of person, try to play a video game. Whatever it is, that car's mental city beautiful. It's a great bit. Although that will seem more racist for not being in a country that has Italians. Yeah.

In Australia we hear you say, I don't even want to say W-O-G, but when I hear it, it sounds racist. When you guys say it, it feels weird. I can say it in a loving and compassionate way. But it's like, I know that it's a term of endearment and like, but as it depends. The older generation doesn't like it. And the younger generation are, I don't think, that's maybe one of the great examples of where racism has been quashed. so few examples. But the Irish would be the first one where there was a real, you know, no blacks, no Irish

was a sign in shop windows. And boy, have the Irish managed to come off for that sign. And but also like the Italians and the Greeks, that was a real cultural divide at one point, I believe. And now. Kindred spirits. I mean, America never had the problem because both Italians and Greeks were allowed to own slaves.

so they moved straight into the white territory. You know what I mean? It's been great having you hear, Melny Brin. I'm not saying that as a good thing. No, no, it's fine. I'm saying that that was sort of the criterion for... Yeah, yeah. In or out.

I mean, we don't have a white conception in the same way. It's like that Italians count as white is in America very normal in here. Yeah, it's like... Really? There's a different... There's a cultural difference that is more distinct. Very. Yeah.

And, you know, I mean, over there, I think Arabs can as well. Anyway, it's been great being here. If that stays in, imagine what came out. Imagine how defamatory. We've got, I mean, we've probably got, we've probably got to go. We've probably got to go. What time is your DJing start? Okay.

One more show tomorrow. How's the show coming along? You are engaged. That's your ring. I am engaged. When are you getting married? Did you come to the show? Yeah, I was there at the back the whole time.

Oh, thanks for coming. You're welcome. You haven't seen anything about it. Oh, no, I didn't want to step on it because I thought you were still doing it and turning it out. I'm still working out. I'll jump in. Give me, because we've got some big edits to come out of this. I'll be honest.

All right, we'll do the whole show thing. So, first of all, I didn't know if you'd mentioned Rita or Craig Egan came over for a second during the show and said a thing about, I don't know. He was talking about who's coming up and it's good to see you. We had a nice moment. And then you made the reader. or a remark of her being an economy club. This is why I didn't want to do it. I don't want to give away what the show is.

I don't mind. But I didn't know if you'd mention that she was Tico with his wife beforehand. I thought I would have to do that. And as I've realized of doing the show, it's so much better when I don't. Okay. Because the people who get it really love it. And I don't want to have like, tick, like, you know, tipped them off. How, I wanted to talk about, I heard that and I wanted to talk about Rina

or her. Yeah. I'll talk about the rest of the show as well. and congratulations. No, no. No, we'll get, honestly, we've got two. What does that mean? I wasn't saying we need to talk about the podcast.

I didn't say we're talking about the podcast. But at no point did you mention you had come to the show when you said we're going to do the podcast afterwards. It seemed gauche. And so, you know, when you see someone after a show and they go, all right, let me take you into the garage and they don't say, oh, that was pretty good. Oh, good job. You go, you have to internalize that. But isn't it? Wasn't that fun that I seemed like a psychopath for a minute?

Didn't that get us off to an interesting start? I did. I was war. If I came out and I was all friendly and positive. There wouldn't be a sense of jeopardy. I was honest. I'll be honest. I'm having another beer.

All right. Sam, strike home. All right. Now, seriously, congratulations. Getting married is one of the great hopeful things that a young, a person can do with their life, you know?

I think so. It's terrifying. It seems like it won't be because you've been together. How long you've been together? Five and a half years. So it's like you're already living as a married couple. ostensibly you possibly own property together. We own two gamer chairs together, yeah.

Sick. That's so nice to each other. Pink and blue. Are you being serious? We do have. It's annoying because we actually do. Have you got neon lights in that room? We've got.

That'd be so devastating. Hey Sam, cut out the bit about the neon lights. I just said it. I can't be. The cuck chair in a bedroom was like a gamer chair? And then it's like, oh yeah, When he gets bored, he goes, he just plays Civilization Six. He loves it.

He loves it. But it'll spin back around if anything exciting's happening. I love civilization, too. What was your favorite? I was a big five fan. I'm like, I'm going to be so peaceful. Yeah. And then the neighboring nation is like, we declare war on you.

And I'm like, fuck you, I'll kill you. Fucking God. He's fucking popping off again. Yeah. And then you're just like, then they go, you're a warmonger. It's like, they started it with me. I always want, yeah, you always want the arts thing and then I go, and we're growing very slowly with the culture.

It's like, I have to stop. You started that. Which sieve? Which sieve did you get such a thing? I played Civilisation 3 on my dad's laptop. Wow. It would always, like, it would always, the screensaver would go on if I left it for too long and, like, came back. And dad would have to enter his password.

And because it was a work laptop, it was like such a long, annoying password. And so I just had to bring it out to be like, my little, my village, I need to get back into the village, if you don't mind. So. The Indians after cleared war. No, there's, we were, we were, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, we, of Empire's family because that came free with Nutragrine. Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. And Siv seemed like, you know, the

intellectuals, yeah, I was a humble working class, boom, my... But yeah, we're getting married. So beautiful to be getting married. It is. So nice, it is. I mean, I don't want to step on the punch lines. I want to, can you name one Rita Orra, so?

I think there's one called Heaven. All right. Or anywhere. Anywhere is what it's called. I don't know. I don't know. Most people can't. I find it funny. Everyone knows Rita Orra. I know, we do know her. And I feel like you could maybe sing along to a song, but I couldn't, yeah. She was in Black Widow with Iggy Azalia. She was.

That was her. I was an Iggy Azalia defender early on, and I remained so. I'm proud of her. Her dad was a comedian, by the way. Was it? Yeah, out in Malam Bimbi. Wow. I think I'm getting that right.

I mean, the show is about, should we sell the show? You're doing it in the Melbourne Comedy Festival? Do you get in the Melbourne Comedy Festival? Yeah. It's about commitment. It's about who one is as a person. person over time. It's about what you're willing to sacrifice

for a loved one. A touching tender program that the people... Can you just say it's funny? That's all my dad. No, no, no. I thought that went without saying. Okay, good, good, good. It was a laugh riot. Let me tell you, in terms of the laugh, you'll cry part of it, you won't be left wanting for laughter.

Laughter, people, abroarious. I don't want to do any, I don't want to touch on the jokes. I don't want to step on your gags. That's all good. That's great. That's great. I thought the airdrop section of the show was really, really funny. It's so annoying because I just tried it last. What I hate is that you saw that show because... Why?

I know because I did two shows today and something about doing the second show in a day. It's terrible. I'm just so like scattered and I feel like in a set up. I'm like I've done the set up like four times because I'm not sure if I've set it. You avoided saying have I done this before? Which is not something that I always managed to get away with on the second show. Yeah. Have I talked to you guys about car crash dummies already?

But it was annoying. I was like, well, of course you've got to do the eardrop. I did it at the Howling Al. Today, not one code came up. I was just like sending it to everyone. How good to howling out? Well, so the rooms are different. I think the downstairs one here is the great room.

The upstairs one I find a bit, it's very long. That howling owl one is a great, it's a great room for comedy. Yeah, I love the howling owl. I always do my shows down here and they go, don't you want to move upstairs? I go, no. Give me the basement. Yeah. And let me tell you other funny bits about the show.

Let me tell you other funny bits about the show. The whole business class section I thought was very funny and well-designed. And even though I was there thinking, I would struggle to convey this, you know, because I wouldn't want people knowing that I'd been in business class. But I use points. That makes me spit. But that also means you get to fly so often. And I go, oh, they probably think I'm better than them because I'm always up in the business.

That is the thing I've been grappling with in the show is of I also like I've been having fun trying to, there was a point of the show where I was really mean to Sean when I was putting it together and I was like I was too mean to Sean so the business class section felt mean. Yeah. And then now I'm less mean to Sean. It feels fine. And he's fine with you using his name in the show? His name is Sean?

Yeah. Well, he doesn't love it. He doesn't, he don't. I'm not like, I don't think he loves it like, yeah, fucking he's. He's my name on the show. But he's like, he gets excited and I send him the audio and he like gives me like, like, not like feedback, but he's like, I've got some ideas. And he's funny as well. There's a comedian called Matt McCusker, who's very, very funny.

And his wife, Brittany, who's, I love, I love them. But she's so supportive. He's got, I want to cut my fucking wife's head off. And I've been sitting next to her while he's doing it. And she's like, she's laughing. And he's like. like really doing like you know when you just want to struggle your wife okay and she's like like she understood they have a good marriage they're over about it but it is like I do turn like a

do you do jokes about your partner no no no no very private she's a very private person that's fair the top extra word after my name when you search it is james becant wife question mark people want to know if she's real she's real oh she's from done it thanks got so many kids It's so hard to fly. You are an enigma. I don't think I wouldn't. I didn't know that about you until meeting you. So, yeah.

I try and mystery, I find. Yeah. Yeah. Did you ever play Ketamari Diamacy, the game where you have a ball and you roll it around? Hold on. I've not played there. Two minutes.

Ten minutes. I'm having a great time. The podcast, I usually do it on my own. It's just nice to have a person. You're good at talking. Like, like just at stream of consciousness. in a way that's really, like, fascinating. You go down and go into a bad place.

Mentally dark. No, but you're taking different routes. You don't do a podcast. I don't know. I think, I think, lowly of them. You're the last person who's getting away with this. I've thought about it, but I just can't be bothered. It's mainly, I mainly can't be bothered.

That's what? People who do it where they, like, get in a studio and they do, like, 10 episodes, then they release it throughout the year. I could maybe do that. But to go a week, I've already got a netball team. It's hard. That's the pod. It's hard.

That's the pod. You get professional recording equipment to follow the netball team. I, it's got a lot going on. I've got commitments. Where do you play? What do you? You will guess. I reckon that even though you're very tall, you'd be quick as well.

No, you started to say goal, but I'm going to say goal attack. Goalkeeper. Oh, you're goal defense. Goal keeper. I was never going to say wing defense. because I'm told that's a slur. I would kill myself. We need those ladies out there.

I'm sorry, any wing defences. Do you know that netball's not allowed in the Olympics? Do you know why? They're campaigning for it at the moment, which is why I think that it's, what do you mean, it's not allowed? It's not allowed on the rules. Because there's not enough men that play it.

Correct. Yeah. There is that they can't feel the men's netball division. You know, outside of the feast festival. There's not a high enough. It's a gay festival. Oh, wow. Sorry, we all know.

Mixed netball. This is not a shock to anybody, isn't it? Oh, yeah. I'm in a netball team, though, which has been so fun. It's... Come on. Okay, yeah, that's funny. My team, they're all husbands and boyfriends of the diamonds.

Wow. So they have gone, we're going to start a team. That's really lovely. And so it's a mixed team, and they're the habs. And they're all like six foot seven or above. And they just dunk it. They'd have to be. And I love it because I'm so competitive and I know we're just going to win every week.

I didn't, that's really beautiful. Yeah. This is only tangential. It's my favorite Wikipedia wormhole recently is women's soccer. Okay. I just, I'm the wives and girlfriends of athletes. It's so tangential, but I've never shared this. I don't think.

Yeah. But there's a lot of lesbians in women's soccer. Yeah. But it's a lonely out there, you know. So there's a lot of. of women's soccer players who are long-term partners of women's soccer players but also there's just there's only so many teams there's so much drama and there's a lot of and so you've got to move around it's a reality tv show in itself women's sport a lot of the time so many couples different

you know someone you've got different countries in soccer you know netball at least you're well if you're not getting drafted to um to i don't know Canada or India or South Africa, you know, you probably get to stay in the... But it's a soccer. These people are off to Johannesburg. They're up to Sweden. They're over there. And I thought, would it be funny or interesting?

I don't know, something, but like if you were to moneyball women's soccer, get the cheaper lesbian partner. Okay? You've got two players. One's better than the other, but they're married. They want to be together. Payovers for the worst player so that you can entice... So your strategy is how we pay.

female athletes less how we can save some money on female athletes I know that's like not in the zeitgeist at the moment but what I'm also trying to do is achieve excellence in women's sport to bring more attention and money overall I'm looking at how much money

we're giving these women sometimes a living wage and I reckon we can cut this back I'm saying pay more for the bad one Oh okay I thought you said Get the bad one in so you can pay less for the good one Okay. Do you see what I'm saying? I sort of see what you're saying.

You can create a pull factor to your club. You know, or maybe you get the rival club and there's been a lesbian breakup, very acrimonious. You get one of them. And then I don't know if actually that would work. I'm just saying, you can't do that with the AFL, you know? You can't say, oh, we got, there's never been a gay one. There's been one, but after. NRL.

NRL. No, no, no, there was an AFL player that came out and was... Bisexual. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I only approve of gold star, homosexual, AFL athletes. You've always said that. He's very, very vocal on social media.

He gets angry. It's not the bloody gay afl, am I right? That's what people say. Well, it's fucking not, Mike. He doesn't know to come to me. This has been great. This is the wheels of food. for third beer, huge mistake.

No, I feel like it's helped. I felt like I loved the progression of the beer of the third one being women's sport. I feel like I was making a point. I think you made a good point. As in, I do love, I love finding a little loophole, and I feel like that's what you're looking for. You're looking for something to, like a strategy. I do like that. I love a strategy.

Weirdly, I went viral on a women's sport talking point last year. You said that you'd rather have a nail at the end of your penis than watch women play score. And we love Marty, and is he still allowed to be on Fisk? I don't know what's happening with that, actually. You want to talk about getting someone on unders? Give Mighty Sheegold a job now because Australia is ready to forgive. He got dumped from the Kyle Sandelands show apparently. I don't know that.

No, like they didn't interview with him and they had to press the dump button. But I don't know. It was behind a paywall, so I don't know what happened. There was a radio presenter in Australia who said he'd rather have a nail driven through the head of it. Anyway, it's not important. We'd love mighty she-gold pick up the fun. But also, women's sport, what was I going? I had something really important to say.

You had a controversial opinion about women's sport that you got. Oh, I blew up on the internet. Yeah, what happened? Well, I was relating something that a friend had heard from another guy in a bar. And it was a dive bar in Ohio in Appalachia. But it was a guy at the bar who was like betting on women's college sport. And that he was betting large amounts of money and winning because he was tracking when non-descript injuries were happening.

Yeah, no, for that reason. So it was when they're on the period. But then he would bet in the finals and the playoffs, even if you have your period, you're the best player. You have to come onto the team. And that during the season maybe people would be. It's not like a top professional thing. It's college.

So people would be allowed maybe to sit out during the season, but you could time it so that in the finals they would have to play and they would be playing worse. And this did very, very, I was just saying. Because they're so emotional. But what they really need is to go into the bathroom of the card shop where they have tampons galore. She's getting a lot of fouls for some reason.

I think women should be allowed to play most. sports. The UFC is a line for me. I would say people can people I'm happy to I don't think I've said this part of, I've just been in Austin and everyone watches that everything is MMA.

You don't think women should play and be in the US, the UFC. No. I know people that want to do it. They might break a nail. And I've met women UFC fighters and they're very impressive and very strong people. And you said this opinion to them, right? I would happily do it.

Really? I would happily do it. And here's what I would say now. Because I think it's good to have a taboo on women getting punched in the head. I think it's good to say that's a weird, scary thing that we don't like and we're not going to normalize. Yeah, I believe, because I advocate against violence against women. That's what I'm saying. Even if women are doing the violence.

Australia says no. You weren't here for that campaign. That was a huge one. Violence against women. Australia says no there's a big campaign it was up there with my legs went that way and my head went that way

I only got it because someone played it on the show It's like It's very important for us Did you know who Steve Irwin was Anyway we've got to wrap this I'm just saying Violence Against Women is bad

And that's my I feel bad watching the UFC When men hurt them When men are being concussed That's a beautiful sacrifice on the altar Of spectacle and entertainment Are there any sports

you think men shouldn't be allowed? to do? Yes. Just to make it even. Yes. Okay. Unless we get a little better at it. No, it's a silly one. I'm going to think about that very seriously. It's been great to be here on the James Donald Falsbiccate Academy of Plan with Melanie Bracewell. We've got, Sam has one hour to get home, get his records and go and DJ tonight. That's so exciting. Now, if you need to be dropped somewhere, I can also do that. If you're in town, I'll drive forward and you can hop out of the

I think I'm in town. You can drive forward. Drive directly into Sam right now. I think that's what we want to see.