The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - nun on the beach

Episode Date: August 14, 2022

I saw a nun on the beach. I am in Melbourne currently. So many moving parts. So many wonderful opportunities to love.Watch THRIFT TO A MILLION live now on YouTube: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UK8af0oluWg&ab_channel=JamesDonaldForbesMcCannAre you in Adelaide or Brisbane? Come and see James Performing live near you soon!: http://www.jdfmccann.com/comedyJoin the patreon, get the goodies: www.patreon.com/jdfmccannMARLON BRANDO 9/11 COMING SOON Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! Welcome to the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. The podcast about one man's plans to buy a boat.

Other podcasts might be about that. I'm sure many podcasters do have boats. Why else would Malcolm Gladwell get out of bed in the morning if not to do a podcast to get boat money? Why? But Malcolm Gladwell won't tell you the truth about his boat podcast sneak. He tries to make you believe he cares about history. Only James is transparent. Only James is honest. Oh, welcome to. Baby, come on. Baby, come on. Oh, welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. Coming to you live once again.

It's been so long since we've done it. Live from the Volvo. I'm actually by the beach. I thought today it would be interesting if I did a visual episode by the beach. I took the tripod, I took the telephone device with the camera, and I went out onto the sand and I set up a lovely little shot under the jetty in the shade. And I've got to tell you, it was too embarrassing. It was simply too embarrassing to do the podcast where people above me on the jetty could hear me.

People walking past could see me. Oh, it was an embarrassment. So I just stopped and I noticed I was talking quietly. But one very positive thing did come out of doing the program on the beach just now. And I'll tell you what it is. A nun walked past. It was really something. A nun, full gear, you know, habit, headband,

sort of like a dorsal hole for some reason in her big nun swimmers. Let's have a listen now to When I Saw a Nun. When I Saw a Nun. Is that a nun? Is there a nun on the beach? Sister! God bless you! Well it's not every day you get a nun at the beach. A nun at the beach. Goodness me, fortune smiles on this endeavour. Have you ever seen a nun at the beach before? Yeah, I've seen a nun at the beach, but not for a long time.

Yeah, Vatican II, fewer nuns on the beach, and now nuns are back on the beach. Oh, it's wonderful. That was When I Saw a Nun. Before we go any further with the podcast, I would just like to do a special shout out to the man who works at the Bridgewater Hotel. Bridgewater Mill Hotel? That hotel that's in Bridgewater. I was complaining to a friend about doing a weekly podcast because it is, oh, you know, some weeks you just go,

I don't want to work this week at any job. Not that I consider this a job. This is a passion. Tax department doesn't consider this a job either. Not making enough money. Certainly not making boat money yet. Something must be done. Join the Patreon, please.

Anyway, tell a friend, get more ad money. Anyway, listen, we've got some plans actually that are coming up that are proving to be, I believe, enormously lucrative. So I heard that someone, I was having a whinge, I was going, oh, every week, every Monday, I got to have a new one of these out. And someone said, James, please don't stop doing them. Someone I know works in Bridgewater at the hotel. And he told me that he listens to the podcast and he looks forward to it. It makes Monday mornings tolerable. He wakes up, he hops in his vehicle, he drives off to work and he listens on Monday mornings to the James Donald Forbes

McCann catamaran plant and it's meaningful to him. And so now as I sit by the beach, well two roads back from the beach because it was shady, under the shade of these beautiful Norfolk pines, I say to you, whoever you are, person working at the Bridgewater Mill Hotel, this one's for you. I'm doing it not just for myself, although obviously I am doing it for myself. I do love doing it. But this one, I think of you. I speak to you and where you are. And boy, we're going to deliver an excellent episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan for you today. So much to talk about.

Two big plans to give you updates on. Let's go. Thrift to a Million, our new television program slash nine minute video on YouTube that is currently out and active. I went to an op shop with $100 of catamaran money. I bought things at that op shop that I thought looked to be of not necessarily high value. I just thought they had great taste. You know, there's something about them that was an energy. And I bought them and I slapped them on YouTube and we made a video about it. Those things are selling fast. At the time of recording, many of them have bids. Thank you to anyone who's made a bid.

But I like also to think that just strangers are out there going, hold on a minute. A Bhutanese Communities of America hat for $10? I'll put in a bid on that. I think that one's had three bids, possibly Bhutanese people bidding on that hat. So I'm thankful for everybody putting in a bid. It ends soon. It will end within 24 hours of this podcast coming out, I think,

maybe within two days. I don't remember. I think it's on the Tuesday. But you've got some time now, if you want it, to go and bid on those items. Thrift to a Million. eBay. But of course, the second idea and some wonderful movement at the station on plan number two also. This road has become extremely busy. I don't know if you're hearing all the cars that are driving past,

but I've actually pulled over on not an ideal road. Okay, the second, you know what? Here we go, hold on, hold on. Sorry about this, everybody. We're just going to, we're going to. You can hear there the radio station that I was listening to. And that beeping is the noise to let you know that I am wearing a seatbelt. I would never drive a small distance around a corner in a suburban street

without putting my seatbelt on. And so I just want you to know that that is the yes, you're wearing a seatbelt on. And so I just want you to know that that is the yes, you're wearing a seatbelt noise. And now I've parked the car and that will stop. Regrettably, I am parked outside of a school, a primary school. But it appears to be class time. I can't see any children.

Damn, I love looking at kids through the fence. Not for any perverted reasons. I just think it brings such joy, you know? Ah, to be a child again. Now, a book of poems. That's the second plan. It's the book of poems that we've got. Marlon Brando, 9-11.

It's being self-published through Amazon. Oh, it's, you know, sorry, it's such a nice day and we're on such a quiet street now. I might even risk, hear that? That is the sunroof. Oh, the cool air. It's such a wonderful day. It's such a wonderful day. That's why I wanted to go to the beach. Just a really beautiful sun out day. It's been a long, cold, lonely winter. And to just finally have a little bit of sunshine, a little bit of positivity. Oh, yes. Love it.

Do wish that I wasn't parked next to this school, though. Ah, we're going to do one more drive. We're going to do one more drive, and then we'll talk about the poems. Hold on. Hold on. Oh, it's so nice today. And you'll hear there the... I'm still wearing a seatbelt, but I've turned off the buzzing noise to remind me that I'm doing a good job with a seatbelt.

Let's get away from the school. No one should be recording a podcast outside of school. And let's... Oh, that's a nice spot. I tell you, there are some really positive, wonderful parts of suburbia. Driving past a lovely tennis court yes what's that is that a world war ii memorial or a world war one memorial they're usually world war one memorials i love it i'll park up here next to the memorial and may the solemn reminder

of their service in whatever conflict it was that they were sent off to, remind me to do an excellent podcast. Man, do you remember when I saw a nun on the beach? Is that a nun? Is there a nun on the beach? Sister! God bless you! That was something.

Alright, here we go. Finding a park. And then I can talk to you all about my upcoming book of poems, Marlon Brando 9-11. Oh, this is actually... God, this is very nice. Oh, the sun. Oh, the trees. I don't know what kind of trees they are.

The shade. Doesn't mean very much to you, but it means a whole lot to me. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome once again to the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. I can hear a plane going overhead because, of course, I still have that sky roof open. Sky roof? Sky roof? Skylight window top. What's it called? A car piece of glass on the ceiling that goes backwards. I think I called it by its right name not long ago. That is the sunroof. I don't remember, but what I want to talk to you about, okay, we've already discussed Thrift to a Million, and what a wonderful thing that is, and I'm so glad it's going well. I don't think we need

to talk about that anymore until, you know, I'll report back how the first episode went and how the second episode's going to go. Oh, something I definitely should mention is upcoming live shows. I'm doing shows in Brisbane and Adelaide. The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan Extravagan. And it's going to be great. It's going to be much more cohesive than the last James Donald Forbes, McCann, Catamaran Plan, Extravagan I'm booking in for a live band

there will be slam poetry there will be some dancing there will be songs there will be some of the best stand-up comedy I've ever premiered because I won't say done but I will be doing brand new stand-up comedy. And I think we're just going to be a tighter. There will be great guests and sketches.

Get your tickets now. Coming up in a few weeks, the James Donald Fools again. Catamaran playing extravagant. But let me tell you, I got my book of poems, the draft copy that I made up, from Amazon. And I thought, well, what's it going to be like? You know, Amazon, I had some difficult experiences on the telephone line while trying to talk to Amazon to figure out how to get the publishing done. And then

I called it a different time and I was put through to a different country. Boy, I had a great experience on the phone then. I want to do a shout out to my friends in the Democratic Republic of Congo and in South Africa, both teams in the Amazon call centre doing a great job. I don't know where I was calling through to the first time. Probably, I don't think, was either of those places. This was Durban. And do you know what I mean?

They couldn't hear me. I couldn't hear them. Terrible stuff. But listen, I've got the book. I've got the James Donald Fools McCann. You can hear it. Marlon Brando, 9-11. And it's full of poems.

I'm trying to write up to 109 pages of poems. There are a couple of things that I'm going to change from this test copy. And, oh, well, here's like, here's one poem. Can I read you one of the poems? This one's called Gone. Mate, are you okay? You're watching Gone Girl again. This is the fourth time this week I've come home and you've been watching Gone Girl.

How many times are you watching this movie? Are you writing something about it? Are you doing a podcast where you watch Gone Girl every day and talk about it? Did you survive an abusive relationship with a woman and you're unable to talk about it because it would be shameful to admit that you were dominated by a female and now you just watch Gone Girl over and over again because it puts into words something you can barely admit to yourself, mate? Anyway, that's a poem ish called gone girl some people might accuse that one of being a bit prosy but i promise when you look at it on the page and there are indentations that don't make any sense that's what poetry is all about i am currently writing the introduction well what do

we call it the preface i'm writing a little preface for my book of poems. That's the work that I've set myself to get done today. I might go out and buy a... I've already had an orange juice. I've already had a coffee. Is it Coca-Cola time? I think it might. I think I might.

You know what I'd like today is a... I almost never want a vanilla Coke, but it's such a beautiful day. Maybe I could treat my body right and have a diet Coke. Maybe I could have a diet Sprite. Maybe I'll just have a Sprite. Do you think they make a... Is there a vanilla Sprite?

Good corner of the market. Ladies and gentlemen, the Book of Poems is coming out soon and there's so much to get done for. OK, now for a time to peep behind the curtain. I'm not in the Volvo anymore. I'm actually in Melbourne. Something has happened and, you know, it's a good thing

and we'll talk about it later, but what we have to do now, I know this is a bit ziggy-zaggy in the podcast. We've gone from one thing to another. We have a live read. I was contacted. I was contacted to have a live read i was contacted i was contacted to have a live read for the podcast very exciting for me we of course had the live read for hill street productions if you need to who is my videographer paul excellent stuff from paul

thank you for the live read opportunity paul and now we have another live read opportunity from the groomroom Room. And that is not groom as in it's not like a room for men who are to be married. It's like grooming. The Groom Room, Adelaide. It's shop 19, Topham Mall in the city. 11 to 5.30, Tuesday to Friday. Don't try getting a haircut there.

Saturday to Monday. There won't be anybody there. Showing up at 9am on a Wednesday to try and get a haircut. Good luck. Not happening. 11 to 5.30. But very lucky that 5.30. You finish work at 5 in the city and you go, There's no time for me to get a haircut.

Everywhere will be closed. Here's an option. The groom room. Men's and women's haircuts and blow dries, great prices, and a relaxed environment. And really, isn't that all you can ask for from a haircutting business?

So once again, the Groom Room, we thank them for giving me this live read opportunity. Not so much a live read as a series of bullet points, but I'm happy to add that little source on them. And if you follow at Groom Room Adelaide, that's the groom, followed by the word room, followed by the word Adelaide, on Instagram, I'll have you know that also there also, they're a unisex barber and blow-dry bar. And, um, oh, I mean, I'm looking at some of their pictures now. Wonderful.

Central location. I really should go there and get them to tidy up my hair after, well, the last haircut I had was last, uh, yes, the last James Donald Forbes, McCann Catamaran playing extravagan gig I did. And, uh, I owed someone a bag of my hair, so I just chopped off the top on stage. Might be time to rectify that. Well, oh, I have so many exciting things

to tell you dear listeners about things that are happening, about the book, about the plans. But I can't, I don't, now is not the, it's an improprietious occasion. So just know that great things are happening and that I love you.

Let us have some affirmations. Affirmation. I affirm. Oh, I, I, I, it's a lovely opportunity that's come my way and I affirm that I, I am going to take care of myself and do the best I can, you know. Affirmation. We can't control all the variables, but let's make our hearts right and our bodies cleansed and our minds pure. And I might even go to confession. How about that? Maybe I should go to confession today or tomorrow. Well, I should go soon. I'm definitely in a state of mortal sin.

But affirm that I'm going to do my best, you know. The book of poems. I've just a friend who's writing the introduction. Well, yes, he is writing the introduction. I've written the preface. He's a great writer and he doesn't write enough. And I've asked him to write it. I'm so happy that he agreed.

And he also, without being asked, proofed the rest of the book, which was very kind because there were a lot of errors. So thank you to Sean for doing that. And for, you know, although one, does one need to proofread a book of poems aren't the spelling mistakes possibly people i know a sophisticated reader would interpret that as um wry and cunning and clever on the behalf of a little wink and a little nod anyway sure thank you for doing that i'll make those changes i just love you all so much. Well, do I love all of you? Some of you might be.

I'm trying. Love is an act of the will. Oh, I need a big burp coming on. Oh, what was that? Little burp hiccup. My gases are out of equilibrium. I'm loving being in Melbourne. I'm in South Melbourne.

I'm missing home. I've only been here for a day. I really got on it last night and had a great time and had a lovely burger and did three strikes. I'll talk about all that on the Patreon episode that I'm about to record. I love you. I miss you. I affirm we're going to get this boat. We're going to write these poems. We're going to take our opportunities. We're going to do the best we can. I miss you. I need you. I love you. I want you. Keep it real. I hope you're having an excellent week. Isn't it funny that for so long nothing happens,

and then very quickly too much happens at once? It's really, you don't know when it's going to happen. You don't know how it's going to happen. But when it comes, it comes hard. It comes fast. And you've got to be ready. Of course, I've never been ready. I'm not ready now you make yourself ready what you do is you ruin other parts of your life to get ready for the readiness

bits you know what i mean i don't know what i'm saying maybe i'll go for a walk get the body right i firm that i'm gonna go for a walk and get the body right. I'd also like to share with you a song. Thank you. Thank you. We'll see you next time. your vibe. Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes. New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca.