The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - NYC

Episode Date: October 30, 2022

Going on New Polity: https://youtu.be/3v_xtob-op8 Going on Matt and Shane: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-RIFXCmggSI&t=39s&ab_channel=MattandShane%27sSecretPodcastPartake of my #1 bestselling book of poems, Marlon Brando 9/11: https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/B0B92NWWDCGet the audiobook and join the Patreon, and more: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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CBC News. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show.

I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines and i get schooled by a tween facebook is like a no that's what my grandma's on thank god phone a friend with jesse crookshank is not available on facebook it's out now wherever you get your podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com James has gone to America to tell people about his podcast,

grow more listeners, and make more money for his boat. Today he's in... New York. Hey, we're in New York. I got a gun, let's get to a Broadway show. Welcome to the many new American fans. People have been writing to me on Instagram and on YouTube. Hey, just wanted to let you know I saw you on the Matt and Shane podcast talking about your circumcision. Just wanted to let you know you were a liar.

We have accrued many new, glorious American fans. And so to the American fans, I'd like to say hello, welcome. Here's a little about me. I'm James Donald Forbes McCann. I'm a humble suburban father of two, almost three. Usually I'm in Adelaide, but at the moment I'm in Queens, which is much nicer than the film Coming to America made it out to be. I guess a lot of time has gone past and a lot of homeless people have died from fentanyl.

But it is really nice being here in America, having you, new American fans. The point of this podcast is to use a podcast to earn enough money for me to buy a boat, a catamaran, $500,000. $500,000. $500,000. And at the moment, how far are we along to that goal? We are so far away from that goal that James is now in New York City with no money. I was walking through Times Square, and a man came up to me and he said, for the children.

Maybe he said for the kids. My sister kids, you know, I ain't saying we family, we family. You know, my sister on drugs. Yeah, I ain't ashamed to tell you. I got her kids. And I said, excuse me? And he said, man, do you like music? And I said, uh, sure.

And he said, look at this, look at this get the qr code and he put a cd into my hands with a qr code on it and i said okay and then again he said now this is for the kids and and and and and a six-year-old he'll homosexual i didn't understand what was happening. But I only had $10 on me at the time. It was my last American $10. And all of a sudden, he had my $10. I guess I took it out of my pocket and I gave it to him. And I said, really, that's the only $10 I have. And he said, I'll give you change and so he was going through

he put the ten dollars into his pocket he took out two fives and another man next to him came up and gave me a cd and said split it and I said I don't know why I said this because I really I did I didn't want the money back but I said okay and OK. And then I had two CDs and they each had five dollars. I don't even have a way to play a CD. I don't have a CD player. But I respect the energy. You know, personally, that's not... I don't know how many people become successful in the music industry.

With that sort of tactic, I haven't gone and listened to the music, but I guess I'm looking forward to it. Maybe I could be handing people flyers in Times Square about the catamaran plan. Is that the best use of my energy? Is that the best way to grow it? Hey man, try and buy a boat, $5? I just don't think I have that in me. And then last night I went to a comedy show and there was a distressed woman at the bar saying, does anybody have an iPhone charger? And I said, yeah, here's an iPhone charger. And charger and it was you know it's an Australian one but

it's got that adapter to go into the weak soft United States power not like our good firm Australian power and I went off into the comedy show with just her phone charging behind the bar and I came out after the comedy show and I said to the barman, can I please, can I get my charger back? And he said, oh no, the woman took it. I said, what? And he said, yeah, the woman, she took it. But when she asked for her phone back, she said, give me the charger too.

And she walked out. And I just, okay, okay. All right then. I guess I'm a big rube here in New York City. And yet, even though I've had to go out and buy another phone charger and I don't have any money, I'm having a really nice time. It's the architecture. It's the walking. I've got blisters on my feet. I've got big blisters on my feet from walking around Manhattan yesterday. I must have walked a great number of miles to use their parlance.

So much so that I've got big blisters on my feet. And I went out and I bought band-aids to put on my feet today. They've got black band-aids. They've got skin tone matching band-aids to put on my feet today. They've got black band-aids. They've got skin tone matching band-aids. I was aware that this was the normal, you know, if I say normal band-aids, I don't want to get on, oh, I don't want to say normal. Looking out my window, there's a squirrel. There's a real squirrel.

They're so industrious with their puffy tails they're always looking for things to do you know people say that man is the only animal who toils you know the birds of the sky and the flowers in the fields they don't have to work to look beautiful but these squirrels they really work they're very hard, very Protestant squirrels getting things done. I went to the cathedral here. I went to, I forget what saint it is. I went to the cathedral in Manhattan near, oh, it was near a lot of stuff. There was a toilet in the cathedral.

I didn't know that was allowed. I've never seen a toilet in a church before. It's always off, you know, down a corridor or something. But this, like I walked up. Yes, I walked, I did a poop in the cathedral. Didn't feel right. I had just been to confession, and when I came out from doing the poop,

you know, running mass all the time, and people were lining up to get the Eucharist. And I thought, but I've just pooped. I don't know if there's a canon law against pooping and having the Eucharist, but it did feel like there shouldn't be a toilet in there. Do you know what I mean? What's going on there in the toilet department? I got to go to the First Things office. That was incredible. I've got to do a lot of things. I got to go on the Matt and Shane's Secret podcast. I got to go on the New Polity podcast. I got to do the Matt Fradd podcast. I've done so many podcasts while I've been here.

It's a lot. You know, in Australia, you do a podcast. It's nice. I talk to Josh Earle about some music and I get two tweets. But this is, I've just, hundreds and hundreds of people leaving comments about me on the YouTube. Mostly positive. But I did talk about having had a circumcision, and there's a lot of pushback from the anti-circumcision mafia

who seem to think that I must be lying about having had a positive circumcision, as though Big Briss is paying me to make circumcisions seem better than they really are. Well, I'm not taking it back. I love my new penis. I'm having a great time. But I do feel just deeply spiritually tired. I've been away for too long from my family, and there's more to go. I'm in LA next week and I've just hit the I think I've hit the wall. I've done gigs here. I think I've found out what bits work and what bits don't. I'm doing a gig with Simon Taylor on Monday

in Los Angeles and I think I've now figured out what will work and what won't work for an American crowd, but good Lord, I'm so tired. My poo has changed colour. That's something that I noticed before I did my poop in the cathedral. My poo has changed colour. It's become a much darker colour. And I assume that's because of the food. Something in the food here is different. But it may be because I've developed stomach cancer.

And I won't really know until I'm back in Adelaide whether or not I have gastrointestinal cancer or the food. If my poop brightens up again. Man, the toilet's here. So big. So full of water. And the water is so close to the bottom. The poop just in Australia, there's a good 30 centimetres.

I don't know what you call that here. It's like eight inches, like a big, long erections worth of gap between anus and water that the poop must traverse through. And then there's, of course, a splash. But here it's just sphincter to surface just like that i'm listening to the music here not the music on the cd but other music staying with a man who's playing me a lot of southern rap from the early 2000s.

I wasn't really across southern rap pre-outcast, but I am now. Had quite the education. Drop tops. Tops pop. Drop tops, tops pop. Bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop, bop. Great beats. good times.

Mercy me, ladies and gentlemen. I was at a great writer's office, just weirdly, because I asked and I was there. And he had the collected letters, like the encyclicals of Pope Leo XIII. And I just sat and read Pope Leo XIII's encyclicals for an hour. It was tremendous. It was such big energy. Huge. Fuck you, this is how it is.

Popes don't write like that anymore. All the popes now are like... Do you know what I mean? That's the tone of the current... Well, I think... And of course... But this guy was like, nah. Fuck you, this is how it is.

Pope Leo XIII, obviously there was less cussing, but you could feel the righteous indignation and the certainty of his position. It was, it was exhilarating. It was really something. Hey, it's Mitch from SideNote Podcast, and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 powered by Gemini. Anyone who knows me knows the Pixel has always been my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had. Now, with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant. Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails, I use Gemini to give me summaries of my

inbox, which is a lifesaver and if i'm feeling stuck creatively i just ask gemini for help and bam instant inspiration you can learn more about google pixel 9 at store.google.com breaking news happens anywhere anytime police have warned the protesters repeatedly get back cbc news brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning. Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians.

This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News. On today's Ocean News, something a little more serious. Now, I will say, well, I'll say the article first. The article is called, EV battery materials are now being mined from the ocean floor,

but environmental impact remains unclear. And that's from a website called Automotive News, who I think by the name of that publication, they probably don't do ocean news all that often. But as this pertains to cars, they've decided to jump in and write a story about it. And the story is that the materials they need to make environmentally sustainable car batteries

are on the ocean floor and that people are doing deep sea mining that may be bad you know like environmentally on the ocean floor but they're doing it under the guise of making it for nice environmentally friendly cars it's a lot of trade-offs nothing really comes out good in the end but i just wanted to share this story that existed because, look, I've been doing some digging of my own. Digging on the ocean floor? Not quite. Investigative digging. Because I'm working on making a, when the baby comes in December, I'd like to have some pre-recorded bits for the catamaran plan. So I've been researching incredible sea mysteries that I could just talk about extemporaneously, and that that would still be something joyful for you to listen to. And

as I'm reading about the Maranara Trench, and that's a name that I'm definitely getting wrong, but it's the deepest trench in the world. I've been watching documentaries about the Maranara, whatever it's called, this big, deep trench, the challenging bit. It's very deep. whatever it's called, this big deep trench, the Challenger bit. It's very deep. And some of these documentaries have been by the Japanese. And I was just thinking, you know, they're making it look like the Japanese scientists just want to find out about deep sea fish.

Are there enough deep sea fish there? And as I was watching it, I thought, that's weird, because Japan is not like a global hegemonic superpower anymore so why is it you know I understand America doing deep sea stuff they got money to burn I understand China doing it they're trying to show they're the new America. I thought, why is Japan spending all this money sending teams of academics down to the sea floor and paying David Attenborough to do the voiceover in this documentary? Is it just for the love of the deep sea? And I see now from this automotive news, EV battery materials are now being mined from the ocean floor. Who has a big car industry? America? But that's not the answer I was looking for. It's Japan. Japan.

They're not interested in the deep sea at all. For its own sake, for the love of knowledge, to see what the little crustaceans and sea cucumbers and potentially fish are doing. and sea cucumbers and potentially fish are doing. They're doing it to mine batteries for cars. Shame on you, Japan. Really, shame. We ended your terrestrial colonisation for resources and now you've just taken it to the deep sea. Did you learn nothing from Godzilla, Japan?

Hmm? Do you not know what's down there? Shame on you, Japan. Shame on Japan. You misunderstand. I don't even want to hear it. I don't want to hear it. All right?

I don't want to hear it. Here is a little something from the New Polity Podcast. We want every relationship in the community to be one of family. Yeah. And to not want to rip people off and destroy them. That's right. Which is like, I can see how you've come to that conclusion living in this country because that is, you've turned that up to 11 here.

I was buying, you buy plane tickets. I flew Spirit. They're auctioning off, you know, like leg room, but they're having an actual auction with sick, tired people. And then they've overbooked the flight on purpose, right? Thinking that people won't make the flight. And then they offer you money to not get on the flight that they've purposefully overbooked. I mean, it's just transparently going, you are cattle.

You get in that big metal tube and we take your money. You go to the website. I'm glad I didn't book my tickets when I was as tired as I am now. You have to say no to a credit card on four different pages. You have to say, no, and I still don't want your credit card. I don't live here. Yeah, and then they try to sell you insurance. I took a screenshot of them trying to sell me the insurance

because they take things that either should be included, right? Like if the – here's one of the things they get you to pay for. If the airline declares bankruptcy and doesn't exist anymore, you'll get your money back, right? Someone is paying the $5 bonus. The insolvency insurance. This is... And then they have... Right, because they want to keep the price low

and get you to... They want you to click on that fare. Because it's... I'm explaining so badly. I apologize. No, no, it's true. But they sell it to you. They've got a quote from the New Yorker.

Right? Going, everybody should be buying this insurance. So someone... They're buying ads at the New Yorker, right? Going, everybody should be buying this insurance. So they're buying ads at the New Yorker. Inciting themselves. Inciting themselves back. Yeah. And then if you say, no, I don't want the insurance, they go, it's recommended.

Are you sure? What if you get COVID and you can't fly? The hate. You really feel that they actually dislike you as a person and they do want to make you suffer as much as you can. And this is not a uniquely American thing. I think this is true of capitalism everywhere. But don't you want to fight for the affection of someone that hates you?

I think that's what they're doing. Yes, and you want to get in the lounge. You want to be flying Delta. You want to be on one of the good airplanes where they treat you with respect. It feels like victory over your enemies in some way. It would be hard once you'd made it to want to tear up the system, right? You're in the lounge and you get a little pod and they rub your shoulders and things.

They give you the umbrella in your orange juice. Oh, come on now. That's what I'm talking about. Get me up in the lounge. You're speaking about the same thing. What's the tipping? I wanted to ask you about that. It feels like a gamble when you order a meal here

how much you'll be charged. It's very hard for me to estimate. Oh, sure. Do you know what I'm... Because you don't have tipping in Australia because you hate people. Well, we pay them a minimum wage. I feel this is fundamental. You ask the business to be set up in such a way that your value as a person,

you don't have to decide not to make someone starve who's working for you. You just have, like every other business in society, person you don't have to decide not to make someone starve who's working for you that you just have like every other business in society they're taking care of their worker they're not just whereas here every meal is an audition yeah the wait staff is these people are scared yeah this is important they're asking how i am over go away yeah i don't Go away. Yeah, well, you know, the theatrics really get you somewhere in America. I have a podcast. I want to ask you this question. Maybe that would be a good starting point.

Okay, let's do it. I had a dream, right? Okay. Now, where does the Holy Spirit disconnect from a manic episode? I don't know, personally. You know, sometimes you think Kanye West, Mr. Ye, whatever he's, I think Ye is currently the name. That's his legal entity, yeah.

I think sometimes he's having an upswing. And sometimes maybe the Holy Spirit is moving through that man, but it's hard to know. Yeah. So I decided I should buy a boat. I don't have enough money to feed my family. I've left my, we rent at exorbitant rates. I don't own a home.

I don't own a lot of money. But I thought I should buy a $500,000 catamaran. That this is maybe what I'm, the tradition is not absent of examples of people who suddenly feel the need to get a boat. Yeah, absolutely. One example. But, so my podcast is called the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. And it's about trying to use a podcast to get enough money to buy a boat. I started listening to this podcast shortly after I started that podcast,

and I immediately had a crisis of confidence as to whether or not in the religion that I've happily opted into, it was permissible for me in my station to try to have a boat. And then, you know. It could be cool. I think it would be very cool. What are you going to do with the boat? Don't know.

All right. I don't even really want the boat. But I feel, this is what I mean about the manic episode and the whole, he's like, when are we called to do something? When are we insane? That's discernment and that's personal. I'll get there in the end. So I'm trying to only do projects though That I can pray for and work on

And that are moral And I wish to raise some of them with you Cool Because, okay So the first thing we did was an ad auction I took An ad auction Sorry, I apologize for my accent

An art Art Oh, art Like paintings, yeah No, it was art guthrie He put them on a block And I charged money for his services There's a joke Like paintings. No, it was Art Guthrie. He put them on a block, and I'd charge money for his services. There's a joke.

What does the West Virginian say when you ask him if he wants to see some beautiful paintings? What does the West Virginian say when you ask him that? Art. I don't get it. Way over my head. But. I don't get it. Way over my head. But I. He says, art.

Oh, he's saying art. I have only been to West Virginia for about 35 seconds. Yeah, we drove through there. Yeah. Oh, did you pick him up this morning? That's one of the reasons I'm so tired. Well, that's not the reason I'm so tired. I can't believe you.

I'll get back to the catamaran in a moment. I'm feeling pretty well rested, actually. Congratulations to you. I wish. You picked me up from the airport. I didn't put this on my own podcast that you were going to do this because I didn't want you suddenly having carte blanche from crazy people going, I hear if you're right to this guy, puts you up in his house and picks you up from the airport.

I just thought I would be discreet. People do that anyway. It's fine. Yeah, I would have found somebody if I couldn't do it. But you want a society that is open to vice, right? Like a virtuous society that can be undone by people doing the wrong thing. That's wonderful. Thank you for saying that.

It just makes me feel like that's a very important idea. I know, but it actually like you have it in your head now. Yeah, that's cool. The podcast works wonders. It's much better than my podcast. I love your podcast. However, a prudence comes into it as well. Sure.

I'm saying you've got a young family. You know, I look like a crazy person. I'm a wild-eyed people. You don't know what I'm maybe I'm more normal when I've slept in the last four days or whatever the number that is. How do you, I mean, also the Catholic Church has a long history of being open to people and having the best intentions

and then going, goodness gracious me, that's been terribly undone by predators, right? Like where? So I think about myself and my life and my family and how I can be a guest to people. Predators, that's a good example, especially with the sexual abuse crisis because it was actually a response. I was talking about liturgical prey.

Liturgical prey. Liturgical abuses. That was my big note. But the sex stuff is also bad. Well, because I was thinking in reference to staying at people's houses and such. Yes. But it's always seemed to me that the response of like, well, let's do a centralized like solution

that Cardinal McCarrick invented in which we all essentially sign up to spy on each other as a way of like preventing sexual abuse is insane. Yes. It's an insurance. But you know what? I think this is the thing. We have been told for so long that man is dirty, nasty, vile, and gross. Yes.

That we just actually started to believe it when it's just not the case. And I'm not even very hospitable. I mean, Jacob's, like, he never has a guest room open because it's already taken. I've just stopped asking. Whereas I, it's more of a like, you know, struggle of the will to say. Yes. Let's invite people. But he's also like taking care of like not only young kids, but also older in-laws.

We have my dad staying with us as well. How is that? How are you doing yeah tell you about it no it's great it's so great we're in a two-bedroom apartment with like a lot of what's a house it's a house but there's a lot of asbestos oh it's great um do you rub it pick it asbestos yeah just to help you can eat it lines of asbestos another hour of that podcast is available on Newpolity. I guess kids get this. Hey, we're friends through the door. I got a gun.

Hey, we're friends through the door. I guess kids get this. Oh, they love it. Yo! This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessi Cruikshank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched

to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com. But it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com. ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend.

I'm Jessie Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween.

Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.