The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - plateapalooza

Episode Date: April 10, 2023

Get your very own handmade commemorative plate by joining the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 powered by Gemini. Anyone who knows me knows the Pixel has always been my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had. Now, with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant. Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails,

I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help, and bam! Instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning.

Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News. All right, I now call this meeting of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan to order. First item of business on the menu, plate a palooza. Plate a palooza. Plate a palooza.

Plate a palooza. Yes, that's right, plate a palooza. That's what I'm calling the Patreon plate drive that we're undergoing at the moment. Everyone who joins the James Donald Forbes McCann Patreon by the end of April will receive a commemorative plate. What is the commemorative plate commemorating, I ask you? No, man, you tell us. It's commemorating the love I have for people who support

the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran plan on Patreon. And I'll tell you this for free. Playdapalooza is going incredibly well. Playdapalooza. We have just in the last week something like 15 new Patreon subscribers. That's over 100 new dollars every single month going towards my journey for boat ownership. First you get the podcast listeners. Then you get the plates.

Then they join the Patreon. Then. Then. Then. At some point in the future, that money is enough that your plans can come to fruition and you can have a boat. Play the Palooza. Man, I'm really enjoying the journey that we're on together.

And I'm enjoying making those plates. I'm working with the first mate, Margogo to make those plates. They are so beautiful and once again no matter where you live in the world, Spain, Aruba, Portugal, other parts of the world, you're getting that plate if you join the Patreon. And the plates are of course made of paper. I just want to continue reminding people that they are paper plates for ease of making, buying and shipping purposes. Just in case anyone listens to just one of the overtures to get people to join the Patreon and get the plate and then it arrives and they're disappointed, just do want to let you know they are made of paper.

Now, does that make them any less valuable? Yes. I don't think so. Many wonderful things come on paper, like books and expensive napkins. Hello. Happy Easter for those who celebrate and for those who don't. He died for you too. He is risen.

He is risen indeed. I'm risen too. I had a very sick week. The wife was sick. I was sick. We had some sort of gastro mystery knock you out for three days illness. And I don't want to go into too much detail, but boy, there was a lot of shit. And that illness came right on the end of what had been a very joyful and productive time.

We got the money recently. Excuse me, just got to turn off the lights of the Volvo in case the battery goes flat. Not enough money that we're not still recording in the Volvo, but we did get some money on the end of doing a big live show that's currently being edited. And I've used that money to buy a laptop. I thought about it long and hard about judicious use of those funds. And I had my friend Paul look up the cheapest way to move forward so that I could edit video and edit audio. And so this is coming to you live on the new laptop. It's a refurbished Mac and I'm very pleased with it

anyway. So I got the laptop and I also out of my own money I went and I started renting an office space so that I could just sit and do the work I'm not rich enough to afford my own office at this point so I can't I'm not doing the I mean there's a lady working next to me it's a hot desking area so I'm not going to have the lady sitting next to me organizing her fashion business, have to listen to me doing this all day. So I'll still do the podcast in the Volvo. But while I'm doing my day-to-day work, I thought I'll do that in the office.

And so all that was set up and we were all ready to go. And then I was just unconscious just about for two days with this extraordinary illness that my wife had had before me. She was knocked out and I spent the first half of the week stepping in. I was both daddy and mummy to our children for that time. I was getting the children ready for the kindy, my daughter off to kindy, and looking after my son, getting lunches ready and dressing everybody. I do some of this during the week, but my wife does really the lion's share of that

because I'm a massive sexist who exploits my wife. But also she loves it. And I actually really enjoyed doing it too before I got sick, before I got the thing that she got. I was really enjoying getting everyone's lunch ready and doing the drop-offs and finding little efficiencies where I could. And then I got sick. Just as she was on the mend, there was a slight crossover where dad had to swoop in and mind the children because we were both just about unconscious. And I'm going to be real with you. That was one of the darkest days.

That was, I think it was, that was Good friday which was a much more penitential good friday than i had imagined it would be i didn't really eat anything and i was sick and the wife was sick and i slept like 22 hours that day and she could also barely move and the kids were fine we got three children and i just went oh no we're, we're fucked. We are fucked. Luckily, my dad was able to come and help, but I just, it really drove home the importance of having someone that you can call and come and help in a situation like that, where you have to look, you can't really afford to both be sick if you have children. I don't know how a single parent does it. If a single parent is sick, Both be sick if you have children. I don't know how a single parent does it.

If a single parent is sick, you've got young kids. What do you just say? I'll see you on the other side, bucko? I hope you make it through. Excuse me, I'm still quite frazzled. I think there might have been some sort of neurological component to whatever mystery illness I had. Who knows what illness that was? I think I know.

That we had. That knows what illness that was? I think I know. That we had. That gave you the sh** and there was some coughing and some fever and it didn't affect children very much and there was a neurological component. Who can say? Anyway, so that's item of business number one. Play the Palooza.

Okay, second item of business. It's a new venture that I'm calling Catamaran Talent. I have been a stand-up comedian for many years now, and I've had several managers, and boy, I love all the managers that I've had and have. And I've seen what managers are able to do for comedians. It is 90% sending emails.

And so here's my thought. I can do that. I don't want to manage myself because I know that it's not a lot of money to be made out of the James Donald Forbes McCann brand. But here was my thinking. Since I know what a manager does, basically you just have a website, liaise with the comedy club people and book gigs for people, maybe organise flights and a place to stay, and then you take some money on top. Well, I can do that. I can do that.

Again, I don't want to do it for myself because I would like someone to be able to open some doors for me at the higher echelons of show business. I'm just saying, if anyone can get me on Australian Survivor, give me a call. But for other people, for people who are not at the point where they want to get on Australian Survivor, give me a call. But for other people, for people who are not at the point where they want to get on Australian Survivor, maybe they're just good comedians

and they want to be emceeing or headlining comedy clubs, I could totally do that. I know the people who run the comedy clubs. I know the comedians who are good enough but don't have the self-esteem to put themselves in the comedy clubs. So that's what I'm going to start doing. Catamaran Talent, I'm a manager. Well, I'll tell you what. I'm going to give doing. Catamaran talent. I'm a manager. Well, I'll tell you what.

I'm going to give you a promotion. Welcome aboard, Mr. Manager. Wow, a Mr. Manager. Well, manager. We would just say manager. Again, not managing myself. And again, still feeling like I need a manager. But for people whose career, dare I say, in not as strong a position as mine,

I would feel very comfortable managing them. I've already picked out a client. We're going to have a big reveal later on. But for the time being, well, you know what? Enough of that. Let's do the reveal now. It's Alessio Carducci. I love Alessio Carducci.

He's a tremendous comedian in Melbourne. And I have just booked him in for a run of shows in Adelaide, from which I will take a certain percentage. And we're going to film him. So I'm going to film some comedy, and we're going to film an Alessio special. And tickets will be on sale somewhere. So we'll push that more later on, but I just want to let everybody know that it's happening. Catamaran Talent.

I think I have a byline for the agency, like some of the agencies have bylines. Token. I think I have a byline for the agency, like some of the agencies have bylines. Token, they have, I think they have something like excellence through guesswork, if you can believe that. I mean, let's not disparage our competition. My byline for Catamaran Talent is, Catamaran Talent, we only have one client, brackets brackets the client is alessio carducci i'm going to talk to margo this week about making a website for that about booking more shows but i feel very excited we're going to have alessio on the podcast to talk more about this but it's just a heads up that i'm getting into the management game item of business number three there's too much happening

this podcast used to just be i would do thing, and then I would talk about it. And that was an easy, straightforward way to run a podcast, but there's too much happening now. Do you understand? I've got, listen to my notes, okay? Just to get through on this one. Play the Palooza, okay? Catamaran talent. I've got upcoming live shows.

I'm organizing an art auction again. New book coming out. And then another new book coming out. I've got a new merchandise. Fashion shoot. And it turns out that raising $500,000 to buy a boat is a little bit more challenging than I thought. I thought it would be easy, like putting on a hat, and it's actually very difficult, like earning half a million dollars. So what is to be done? Well,

I think the answer is to keep going because we're having tremendous success, but also to stop boring you with new exciting things that are upcoming and start regaling you with oh how would you like to hear one of my more recent poems this one is called michael michael jackson michael jordan michael jordan michael jackson uncle michael getting hey it's mitch from side note podcast and i'm here to tell you about the new google pixel 9 Michael Jackson, Uncle Michael, getting... terrible at keeping up with emails, I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help and bam, instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens.

Hundreds of wildfires are burning. Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News. Action. Uncle Michael. Michael Jackson. CBC News. Michael Jordan, that's for sure. Michael Jackson, Michael Jordan. Michael Jordan, Michael Moore. The poems are getting worse.

There's simply no way around that. I don't even remember if I've said that poem before on the podcast. I definitely didn't do it with those drums. Oh, I'm losing my brain. My brain has been severely impacted by this mystery disease. And it's just, and you know, my creativity has left me. I've got nothing interesting to do or say or give. And so I'm just filling myself with busy work, like doing these plates that I'm, you know, Margo's mostly doing the plates. I'm just signing them and having ideas. I've, I'm,

the acoustics, I'm in the office now. I'm recording this in the office and the acoustics are worse than in the Volvo. I will say this for the Volvo. It had absolutely terrific acoustics, and I can go back there any time. I just wanted to say to you, I'm end of tether. I'm end of tether stuff here. Tether's at the very end. I don't know if I'm concealing it. Maybe that's why I'm thinking about making a move into management, just because I feel I've got nothing left to say.

I just want to get on a boat and leave. I mean, can I tell you how bad it's become? This week I seriously thought about setting up a Twitch. I thought with my new laptop, what I could do is I would just start playing video games on Twitch and I'd become one of those people who just plays video games and talks about how they make me feel. I mean, I'm sorry, I don't believe in euthanasia,

but that would make me a candidate in my books if I signed up to do that sort of thing. I just have to believe that at some point the creativity will turn back on. The willingness to be... I just have to believe that it will all come back to me. I don't know when. I don't know when, but I'm going to stay the course and keep going,

keep holding on until it all comes back to me. Oh, there have been moments of light. Crow boys, my beloved crow boys, have started playing some good football. It's always something to have your crow boys playing some good football to carry you through those dark times, the times times. The times aren't even that bad. I love my family. I love being there for them. I'm just having a momentary.

It's temporary. It's a temporary lapse. Maybe I shouldn't be recording while I'm having a temporary lapse. Oh, it's the drinking. Now that Easter's here, I can start drinking again. I'm trying to moderate the amount that I drink. You know, I don't want to be. I was drinking too much before and then

Lent came and I gave up drinking for Lent. And so I was only drinking on Sundays and feast days. And boy, that was a wonderful way to have someone else be in charge so I could enjoy alcohol. But now I have to be in charge of my own life again. And I don't want to do that. And I don't want to be one of those people who gives up the drink because I love the drink and I don't have a problem with it for crying out loud. But it would be nice if someone could temper me and moderate me. So I thought, oh, well, maybe I'll just do that. Going forward from Easter, I'll only drink on feast days and Sundays continuing.

But then when Easter starts, there's like 15 fucking feast days in a row. And I'm starting to wonder if the problem is this new laptop. Because I really thought that all my problems were being caused by the old laptop. And then you go and you spend $1,700 on a new, well, not even a new laptop, a refurbished laptop that someone else

fucked up. And yeah, it does all the technical things you need it to do, but then the creativity drives to a halt, and you go, what are you going to do then, mate? I'm lost in the world. I'm the master of my fate and the captain of my soul, and I'm asleep at the wheel.

I've got nothing. So just to quickly sum up the wonderful meeting that we've had today, point number one, Play-Doh Palooza. If you join the Patreon for any amount by the end of April, you will receive a personalized paper plate in the mail. Isn't that just absolute? Well, I say personalized, handmade. Handmade's a better term for it because if you get in contact with me and you make a request, that's fine. But if you forget to do that, then we've actually made quite a lot already.

We've made quite a lot already, so that would be hard to personalize some of them now, but handmade, okay? Handmade, and we'll do what we can about the personalizations. If you ask nicely, you get in quick. Point number two, what was point number two? Yes, catamaran talent. Catamaran talent going really hot, hot, hot, hot. What's the expression I'm looking for? Like the clappers. It's not hot like the clappers is in any way. Catamaran Talent, we've got a wonderful client. We'll be interviewing him soon.

Record his special and get him booked in for gigs right across the country. Can I just say this? I noticed the office was a bit echoey before when I was having that little breakdown. So I've put a jacket over my head. So this is with the jacket over. That's with the jacket off. and that's with the jacket on Is that better? I think that's much better and then we had the poem after that and then the third item of business the glorious third item of

Business which was I just a frank admission that there's a lot going on but not too much going on in my brains Dopamine creativity department and you know I've got to be thankful that I've done so much work over the last year and we have so much stockpiled like a squirrel with little acorns, except instead of being a squirrel, it's me. Instead of being acorns, it's just asinine pieces of content. We've got a bunch of videos ready to come out. We've got a bunch of plans ready to go. And I can just focus on self-perfecting and gosh it's hard to talk about self-perfecting while you're sitting in the middle of an office with a big glass panel in the middle of town with a jacket over your head but the important thing is ladies and gentlemen

I'm sorry I don't have anything to say after that. Usually I say the important thing is, and then there's something I'm ready to say, but this time I don't know what that important thing is. I'm sorry, can you please stop with the stirring patriotic music? I don't have anything to say over stirring patriotic music right now. Just because I'm ending this episode on a low note doesn't mean that it's building up towards some resounding beautiful thing. There's nothing that I'm building toward. There's no... Hey! Hey! Stop it with the resounding patriotic music!

I'm not... This is not building towards something. Talking about how I'm not building towards something is not in and of itself building towards something, for crying out loud. This episode's just going to end on a low note, and that's okay. It's okay to have the episode just end on a low note and not build towards any big meaningful point. Because life is like that sometimes. Sometimes it doesn't end in a... Shit, it's happening again! Come on!

Oh well. If you can't beat them, join them. Hey, I want to affirm that I love each and every one of you listening to this podcast. And I love doing this podcast. Affirmation. And that I will reach out and find joy again. Affirmation. And even if I don't, and like Mother Teresa, I live decades of joylessness from here on out.

If I'm like Friedrich Nietzsche, pooping my pants and having my sister look after me because I saw something bad happen to a horse and never reclaiming my former glory, I promise. Well, I guess if that happens to me, I won't be in a position to promise very much, but I want you to know that it was real to me. And by real, I don't mean like a beautiful human connection what because people have started telling me that they think the boat is a metaphor they think my pursuit of a boat is just a metaphor

for my pursuit for beauty and community and god somehow i want you to know that that's not true this is really is a podcast about me trying to buy a boat. So if this illness does result in me becoming like Friedrich Nietzsche, a sloppy mess, being forced to be taken care of by my Nazi sister, I want you to know, first of all, I don't have a sister. So I'm not besmirching anybody there. And secondly, I just wanted to let you know that it was all for nothing and it was

all an absolute waste of time but since that hasn't happened yet and I'm still going and I'm still trying and I'm still reaching after greatness I want to thank each and every one of you who have helped me on my journey to boat ownership and I want to thank all the 60 people who have joined the

Patreon and who knows these plates are so beautiful, these plates are so wholesome and nice and perfect for the mantle that maybe we'll get 60 more Patreons after this podcast, who can say who can say

maybe someone from Abbey Swayth will finally reach out and get in contact because at the moment we've had precious, precious little contact from the mother country of England, plus all of her other ones. Wales, Scotland, the Isle of Man, Northern Ireland, Southern Ireland if you want to be controversial about it, Normandy. I don't know if anyone still holds on to Normandy as an idea.

Some people from the United Kingdom have actually gotten in touch this week. And I want to thank them for getting in touch. And we're going to begin our... Invasion is too strong a word. But basically invasion. And not an invasion in blood and violence. But an invasion of hearts and minds i need everyone to get on board so that i can get on board my boat and let me tell you this i made

myself a vow early on when making this podcast that the episodes would go for at least 20 minutes and in one more second. Okay, now we're done. Thank you very much, everybody. God bless. Have a good one. If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe,

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