The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Positivity and Yearning

Episode Date: July 17, 2022

Join the Patreon and contribute to another man's boat ownership: www.patreon.com/jdfmcannDo you own a company or know somebody who owns a company? I am interested in doing a 'live read' for 'money' about their 'company'. Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! Imagine, imagine, imagine, imagine a world in which there is no suffering. A world of total happiness.

A world in which all your troubles and cares were exploded into nothingness do you see that over there that unhappiness in the distance ouch you are about to enter a radical podcast mind space of positivity and yearning a world in which one man yearns to be free yearnsns to have a boat. Excuse me, yearns. Excuse me. Yes? What is going on here? This is the new theme music. This is the new theme music?

Yes. Why, you don't like it? It isn't so much that I, personally don't like it. It's that nobody, anywhere, could ever possibly like it. Well, I like it. Does James like it? Shall we ask him? I think we should.

Ladies, please. It's not a bad first draft. Hello, everybody, and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan podcast. This is a podcast where I, James Donald Forbes McCann, use a podcast, this podcast specifically, to try and generate enough money to buy a boat for $500,000. $500,000. Or thereabouts.

We're looking to get a pretty good catamaran. And this week we've made some truly remarkable strides in a positive direction. In general, the podcast has been growing. Every week we have more or less more people, which is another way of saying we don't. But for an overall trend, you know, it zigzags a little bit. It goes up and down.

But the lows get higher and the highs get higher. And if you look at it like an arc, I'm trying to describe a graph here, there's like, whoosh, it's going up. It's very positive. If it were a stock, you'd say, that's a good stock. So the first few weeks, we had around 150 downloads per week. And that, I think, was just me pushing people from my social media,

saying, you know, I've got a moderate Instagram following. Now, 2,000 people, by the way. Oh, oh, oh, oh. Next thing you know, I'll be getting my titties out and going to lie down with a saudi arabian prince for money taking a big poop on his chest that's what i hear they do that's what i hear they do and i'm not really interested in doing that anyway but how much money would you get to do that anyway i'm not that Anyway, so we were at 150. We've been now going for a little over six months.

About three months in, we had doubled, and we were up to 300 downloads, so up by 150. And now another three months in, at the six-month mark, we've hit about 500 a week. We're getting about 500 downloads a week, And what a joy that is now to actually start generating proper income from this thing. I think we probably need to be more in the realm of 5,000 a week. But, you know, you grow faster the bigger you are. Is that true? If we have the same percentage growth, that's more people if it's bigger percentage you know what i'm saying you understand have you had a couple of drinks mate this i think is the hardest bit like after you get to a certain point you probably don't even notice if you get 500

plus or minus once you're joe rogan and you've been bought out by the spotify thing you're getting 18 million downloads whatever he's getting per episode. But for us, we're doubling. We're doubling every couple of months. Three months, if you want to be precise, not a couple. Wouldn't it be good if it was a couple, if it was just two? Anyway, we're growing, we're knowing, we're showing, we're flowing. We hoeing. But how much money would you get?

Great things are happening. We're growing. And this week in particular for the growth, I think there might be two big reasons. One is the advertisement. We have an advertisement out currently, our own advertisement, to try and get to the point where we have the money

from other people's advertisements. This show now has an advertisement leading people here, so I guess that we can lead them somewhere else and take their money. Anyway, we have a $500 advertisement playing on other people's podcasts right now, and I think that has been a hit. The only reason I know that it's really getting out there is I've had some people write to me

and let me know that they've heard the ad. One man wrote to me and he said, What in the blazes, blazes was all capitalised, is your right wing boat podcast doing interrupting my listening to the London Review of Books? And first of all, I take umbrage that this is a right wing boat podcast. This is a podcast for everybody who wants me to have a boat. And secondly, I did ask for it mostly to be advertising comedy podcasts. And secondly, I did ask for it mostly to be advertising comedy podcasts. So I don't know if the London Review of Books, if maybe their podcast is of a radically different stripe to their physical publication.

But either way, happy to know we're getting the highfalutin audiences of the London Review of Books. Hello, by the way, if you've been listening to the London Review of Books and you heard our podcast and you've come over here. Great to have you. So happy to have you. So wonderful. That's one of the two things that's happened this week that I think might have driven people here in large numbers. The second is that I appeared on a podcast called The Crowject, an Adelaide Crows football club podcast. And let me tell you, I was more nervous to go on this podcast than any other thing I've ever been on because I came to footy very late in life I was like 24 25 having a quarter-life crisis some people around me called it and I turned to football loved it loved the footy I think it was uh oh man and it's been a rough couple of years to be an Adelaide Crows supporter.

Some glorious, slow, macabre football played early on, but in the last few years. Anyway, I won't go into detail. I went on to this podcast. And I thought, I'm going to get shown out to not know what I'm talking about. Because I never played football. I'm enthusiastic, but I think I shout out when most of the other people at the football shout out. Oh, come on! And I know the names of many of the players. I went on this podcast.

I had a lovely time. They were so kind to me. If they noticed that I was an absolute rube, they did not embarrass me. And I just had a great time doing that podcast. And people wrote to me and they said, you're on the project, mate. And I thought, ha ha. So that's working too. So I think both of them are working.

Sadly, I don't know which is working better than the other. Like, do I have to keep on forking out money or going on people's podcasts? It was poor timing that they happened together. Ideally, you'd have a control subject. I think that's how it works. But as it is i i know that they work together growth news before we continue on with the show it's time for a very

special segment the reason i believe that some people tune in to begin with it's ocean news and today on ocean news reading a story from, once again, from Nine News. Nine News, by the way, of all the major news providers in Australia. Ten. Seven. The ABC. SBS. Sky.

Nine News definitely reports the most about the ocean, as far as I can tell. So this story is, Faroe Islands sets quota of 500 dolphins to be killed in controversial annual whale hunt. And I've read some of this article and I think that that is, I think limit rather than quota. Because a quota of 500 I think would mean they need to kill at least 500. But as is my understanding, yes, it's a limit. It's a limit of 500 so the faroe islands uh they are and it's a it's a small acapella go just north well i say just north several hundred kilometers i think north of the uk and what they like to do there is kill whales they love it it's one of their favourite things to do.

I've just been going through their Wikipedia page and I know so many things about the Faroe Islands now that I didn't know before. Here's one. Like the first Faroese novel was called Bebelstornio. That makes it sound quite Italian, which I don't believe it is. But wouldn't it be nice if it was Bebelstornio by Regine Leo? Man, I'm sure there's a Nordic-type way to render those names,

but they read this pretty Italian to me. Anyway, so the first novel in their language, Bebelstornio by Regine Leo, was published in 1909, and the second novel in Faroese was published 18 years later. Can you imagine that? People walking past Regine Leo's house going, Hey, Regine, please, you want to write another novel?

I read the first novel 72 times. Please, mamma mia, spice a bit of boll. Let's go kill a whale. Now, they love to kill these whales. They love it. But the government has set a catch limit of 500 dolphins for the whale hunt this year.

They call it the Grindadrap. That sounds a little less Italian. So, it's a traditional practice that dates back to the first settlement of the islands by Vikings, it says here, in 800 CE. And if there's one thing I hate and just really hate deep in my guts, it's when people use CE instead of AD. CE there standing for Common Era, which is apparently important to move us into a multicultural future where things aren't Christ-centered.

But I will note that the new calendar that they're foisting on us is exactly the same as the old calendar, but with Christ taken out of it. Do you know what I'm saying? It's like if you want to be millennialists and set up a whole new system and society and way of dating time, hey, go for it. Many people have done that before. Shoot your shot. Make it happen.

But there's nothing especially common about, you know, Christ's birth. Is there? Did that make us more common? I don't. It just seems bizarre. Just set your own year zero, progressive atheist cabal of... Anyway, we're killing... Anyway, listen, this article...

I mean, you can probably tell from the presence of CE in this article that Nine News, reporting in conjunction with CNN, C-E-N-N, they are opposed to the killing of whales and dolphins. Next paragraph is, Animal rights organisations have historically condemned the cull in which whales are killed by gashes to the neck and subsequent cuts to the spinal cord and cartoid artery.

I did read about that as well on Wikipedia and apparently they've got the kill time, which is by far the least pleasant of the way to combine. You know, people kill time and then people have a kill time. They've got the kill time down to one to two seconds. So they say it there and it sounds quite gory, but it's a rapid kill time. The Faroese government, however, defends the practice, saying the meat from the hunt provides valuable food for local communities. Whale hunts take place to provide food and catches are distributed

among the participants and local communities, according to the Whales and Whaling in the Faroe Islands website. The meat and blubber are sometimes available for sale on the dockside and at supermarkets, they say. Although I will note, again, reading the Wikipedia page, gosh, there's a lot more backgrounding on the Wikipedia page than there is in this article by Nine News and CNN. Good thing I'm here to have done the in-depth research. They have found that the whales of late have been very high in mercury. So they are trying to limit the number of whale meals that people have they

say don't eat the liver at all and pregnant ladies or women intending to become pregnant don't eat the whale they go on the faroe islands government the meat and blubber from each whale drive provide valuable food with a low carbon footprint which is distributed for free in communities where the catches take place so again like i like that they're on the one side there's like the lefty thing of well don't you're killing a lot of dolphins while you're killing these whales like we don't like you're killing the whales we also don't like you're killing the dolphins these are beautiful animals that's the conservationist sort of you know greenpeace left But then to defend themselves, the Faroe Islanders are using some sort of

class-based globalist leftism. They're going, well, hey, this doesn't contribute to climate change. Hmm? You're all talking about climate change a lot and we're giving free food to the poor and don't we like that? I mean, isn't that just a lovely little nexus point?

So they're going to set a cap. They're going to try and try. They're going to try and kill fewer dolphins because last year, man, they just killed so many dolphins. And I hope the Faroe Islanders can move on to other things. It's not like there's not other things to do on the Faroe Islands. They've got at least two novels now. They've got, I've been reading about their thriving metal scene,

both the doom and sludge metal, I believe, very well represented, and their football league. I mean, I think they have 7,000 enrolled players out of a population of 50,000, which is incredible. That almost, what is that? Is that one in 10? That's over one in 10 people is enrolled to play football in the Faroe Islands.

That's men, women, children, the weak, fat. One in ten is playing, and they have a really good league, apparently. In fact, their league is considered to be a more sophisticated football league than, look this up, you can look this up on the charts, they a more sophisticated football league than... Look this up. You can look this up on the charts.

They have a better football league there than the football league in Wales, which I find pretty funny, that if a football team from the Faroe Islands played a football team from Wales, much like the whales in the ocean, they would kill them, metaphorically. Of course, they literally kill them in the ocean.

Ocean news. Ocean news. Hey, it's Mitch from SideNote Podcast, and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 powered by Gemini. Anyone who knows me knows the Pixel has always been my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had. Now, with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant. Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails, I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox,

which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help and bam, instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning. Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most.

Stay in the know. CBC News. First item of business, live reads. I want to do them. Currently, we do have ads. We don't have enough downloads to make money from them. But as addressed, we're on our way. But I'd like to be doing live reads as well.

The more live reads we do, the more commercial the podcast becomes. As long as we don't undermine the things that make all the podcasts very special, the more we can squeeze out of it financially, the bolder and faster we will be able to proceed towards me owning a boat. So I'd like to do some live reads. I don't know how to do them. Well, I know how to do them. You read them.

But I don't know how to get them. I don't know how to get a company to pay me to talk about their product on the air. And so I just thought, well, a good start might be to put some of it out there, to list a few of the companies that I truly believe in. And then perhaps someone from those companies could come to us, or maybe you listening to this, you'll go, wait a minute, I work for Talisker. I live in Scotland. I live in Scotland and I work for Talisker. I didn't know you were a Talisker Sky man. And you can sort that out for me. So here's just a couple. Number one, obviously,

Talisker. It's my Talisker Sky specifically. Would I do ads for other kinds of Talisker? No, I don't think I would. Could I find it in my heart to do ads for other kinds of whiskey? Yes, but only if they were cheaper than Talisker, and only if the live read was all about how this was a fair enough whiskey for poor people who couldn't afford Talisker Sky. So that's the first one. Secondly, I mean, let's keep it on the booze for a second. I think Cooper's is a great family South Australian company.

I love Cooper's Palau. I'm surrounded by empty cans of Cooper's Palau. I am ashamed of myself. But Cooper's Palau, I am ashamed of myself. But Cooper's Palau, it's great. Here's another. I'm just going to. I mean, if I'm being honest, let's just do a couple of things that we can see around us. Red Bull.

It's my energy drink of choice. What else have I got here? AZEP nasal spray. I once used that nasal spray. And, yeah, I think it was pretty good by recollection. St. Agnes brandy. Gee, there's a lot of booze around. Evian.

I've got an Evian bottle of water. I would 100% love to talk about Evian. So many other things. The Adelaide Crows. I have a little Rory Sloan bobblehead on my table. Rory Sloan. If you have any things, products, the Rory Sloan, I don't know, band-aid might be appropriate. Rory Sloan, poor man,

injured. So often I pray for Rory Sloan's body. I also pray for his soul and his mind. So many other products that I would consider. Yakult! I love Yakult. I've got a Yakult on my desk. Oh, I don't say no. Yakult. I love Yakult. I've got a Yakult on my desk. Oh, I don't say no to Yakult. Ah, look, there's some. I could just list off a couple that I can't see. Lurpak Butter.

Easy. Pez Soap. Simple. Maldon Salt. The best. Southwark. Another beer. I'd do ads for that one.

Chess.com. I'm sure there are other Chess websites that I could do ads for, but I am on Chess.com a lot. Volvo is an obvious one. Chess.com. I'm sure there are other chess websites that I could do ads for, but I am on chess.com a lot. Volvo is an obvious one, although I also enjoyed my time in a Toyota, but I could also twist my arm and I'd do an ad for the VW too. Would I do an ad for the Rolls Royce? I'd find a way. Echos, they're a shoe that I really love. Some people say they're unattractive and I say yes but comfortable. Comfortable like you wouldn't believe and I think Lucia's I say this all the time but they make my favorite sandwich the number one. The number one at Lucia's an unbeatable sandwich. In fact such a good sandwich that if Lucia's came to me and they said, James, we'd like you to do an ad for us,

but we'd like it to be an ad for the number two or the number three. Indeed, yes, even the number four. I would have to say to them, I think I could only do an ad for your number one. Honestly, I love Lucia's. I bet those other sandwiches are terrific, but such is my love for the number one

that I think I could only do an ad for the number two sandwich. But if it was me going for some sort of postmodern type, hello, I'm James Donald Forbes McCann and this is the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. If you're looking for an inferior sandwich, try the number two. I love the number one. So many companies that I'm interested in doing work for. If you know someone out of business, any business, I will entertain doing ads for them.

Sorry, I just can't stop. I'd do Tim Tams. I'd do Kingston's. I'd do Jack's. I would do, I think a Cheshire cheese is my new favourite cheese. It's a cheese I recently bought from the supermarket. It said on the label, Cheshire, England's oldest cheese. And I said to my wife, I said, look at this, England's oldest cheese, Cheshire. She said, oh, James, what are you doing holding it here? That should be in a museum. Oh, how we laughed. Let's have some affirmations.

I affirm we're going to keep being professional and churning out this podcast towards the journey to boat ownership. I affirm I'm going to take more occasions to talk about the Patreon. Affirmations. What a wonderful thing the Patreon is. I've bought some boxes to send out more mugs. There's just mugs appearing at people's houses. If you joined the Patreon earlier, you get a mug. If you join the Patreon now, you're not getting a mug. Sorry, but you will be getting

whatever the next thing is that I decide to put out. Ooh, what could it be? I'm thinking of doing a commemorative plate. I'm thinking of doing maybe a hat. The book will come out at some point, but don't forget to join the Patreon, and there is a bonus episode every single week. I was about to say day, and wouldn't that have been a lie? But it's every single week on the Patreon. So wonderful. I affirm affirmations. I'm going to continue trying to get on people's podcasts.

I loved my time on the football podcast. I can only imagine how many other kinds of podcasts are available for me to go on. It doesn't just have to be comedy podcasts. I'd like to talk about economics. I'd like to talk about politics. I'd like to talk about social and cultural issues. I'd like to talk about tech. Not that I know very much about tech.

I'd like to talk about Coopers. What an excellent beer Coopers is. I understand you can't really go on a podcast to do that, but I'd like to do that on my podcast. I affirm. Affirmation. I affirm that I love you, that I'm so grateful for you tuning in

to the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan once again. I hope you're keeping it real. I hope you're having a nice time. To all the new listeners, I say hello. To all the old listeners, I give you the same hello that I gave to the new listeners, I say hello. To all the old listeners, I give you the same hello that I gave to the new listeners because we are united as one in our ambition for catamaran ownership for me. Oh, and some exciting. No, no. We'll talk about that next week if it comes off. All right. Thank you very much, everybody. Have a good one. Catamaran ho. Keep it real. Don't forget to join the Patreon. If you know someone who has a product that I could

advertise or even a business or a service, it might have been easier if I'd actually listed products I wouldn't do ads for. That would have been a shorter and more comprehensive list because I would, you know, if you have a different cracker and it's almost as good as Jets, I'll probably do an ad for that too. So basically, condoms. I won't big up condoms. I don't believe in them. Yeah, basically condoms. If you work for a company or you know of someone who's looking to advertise

on the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran plant and it's not a condom company, let me know. All right. Thank you, everybody. Have a good one. God bless. Peace out. Catamaran ho.

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