The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Ray O'Leary in Conversation

Episode Date: July 21, 2024

Ray on the gram: https://www.instagram.com/rayolearycomedy/?hl=enTickets on sale now for Adelaide, Melbourne, Sydney, Brisbane and Perth: http://www.jdfmccann.com/gigsJoin the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccannBuy the books: https://www.jdfmccann.com/booksCheck out the visuals: https://www.youtube.com/@JamesDonaldForbesMcCann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 powered by Gemini. Anyone who knows me knows the Pixel has always been my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had. Now, with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant. Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails,

I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help, and bam! Instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens. Hundreds of wildfires are burning.

Be the first to know what's going on and what that means for you and for Canadians. This situation has changed very quickly. Helping make sense of the world when it matters most. Stay in the know. CBC News. Well, hello and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plans Some Trouble this week. Sam Clark, who's been taking care of the glorious visual component. He, shortly before we were set to film this episode with the great Ray O'Leary, was stricken.

He realized he was stricken with what I believe turned out to be, I'm sorry to say this in case this makes people uncomfortable, an infected wisdom tooth. And so he had to flee, swollen and sore, to an emergency dentist. I believe that's been taken care of. He's on the mend. He tells me he's on the mend, but all prayers and love to Sam Clark. And we wish him a speedy recovery. But it meant that I had to take charge. Well,

I mean, either we weren't going to have a visual component this week or I had to lead the charge. So I led the charge. I took Ray O'Leary to the beach. I thought, wouldn't it be nice if I set up all these, I set up both of our phones and the laptop to record the visual component. And then, of course, none of it worked. So where the audio is impaired by us being next to the sea, and when I realized at the end of the interview that my attempts to capture us speaking with a visual element had failed, I just, I quickly, if you're looking at the visual element now rather than the audio podcast, you'll see some videos

that I took afterwards of the ocean and of the beautiful sunset, and we'll just play them on a loop for the video. It gives you something. It gives you some idea of what we were looking at and some notion of how utterly beautiful it could have been. Sam Clark, get well soon. The visual domain, not Jimmy's strength. We're speaking this week on the podcast to the great Ray O'Leary, who I met when he was a struggling up-and-comer in Aotearoa, New Zealand. Now, of course, he's a massive comedy superstar taking over these shores. I'm so very proud of Ray and the journey that he's on, and it was an honor to get to speak to him. And speaking of honors and people on tour in Australia, I'm starting my tour this week. We

did the trial shows in Adelaide. They were week. We did the trial shows in Adelaide. They were lovely. We've got another show in Adelaide this Wednesday. On Thursday, I'll be in Perth. Two shows in Perth. First one sold out. The late show on Thursday. Still some tickets available at this time.

Please, I'd love to come and see you in Perth. You specifically. And then next week, we're on to Brisbane, Melbourne and Sydney. Tickets on sale now. Brisbane and Sydney. One show sold out each and another show added and melbourne as i keep saying it's a big room some tickets still available to the comics lounge in melbourne who wrote to me tonight and they said they've i think heard me complain that my picture's not up on the wall sometimes at a comedy, they'll have caricatures of people, and my caricature is not on the wall of the Melbourne Comedy Club.

And they said, James, if you sell out that show, we will put a caricature of you on the wall. So what an impetus there is there to get that done. Genuinely would thrill and delight me. You know, you go to these comedy clubs, and you see people's pictures, and you go, My goodness! Maria Bamford's more commercially successful than I knew. She's selling out the big club in Cleveland. Wow. Jerry Seinfeld was here. Steve Harvey. Hamburger. I don't think I have seen hamburger on a wall, but I assume he's out there. Tickets on sale now.

don't think I have seen hamburger on a wall but I assume he's out there tickets on sale now there's a link somewhere you I trust you and you can find that oh I'm so thrilled to have an interview with Ray we don't do a lot of interviews on this show because it's hard usually I usually have to edit a lot of myself out in this one I only had to edit out one thing nice to be growing in competency as an interviewer I don't know why I feel the need to speak like Dame Edna tonight. Enough. Here is my interview with Ray O'Leary. Lovely Ray. And I think just before the interview starts, I'm complaining about how all these New Zealanders come to Australia and have great success and get on our television programs. And we, the humble, toiling Australians, don't get on our own TV shows. And Ray takes that in good spirit.

Yes. No, we just noticed a gap in the market in terms of good comedy. And so we came over here and we started performing comedy to your audiences. It is noticeable that all the good new Australian comedians who are having careers are actually from New Zealand. We're making your woman laugh. It's disgusting. We welcome you Kiwis. We didn't know this would happen. I went to New Zealand many years ago

and tried to, you know, even get on at some of the clubs there. Much harder for, weirdly, much harder for an Australian to make it in New Zealand. Oh, 100%. There is absolutely no quid pro quo. It does not go both ways. So not only is New Zealand smaller, so it's at least financially viable to even try to come to New Zealand.

I actually don't believe... I know what you're saying, but I have a counterpoint, but please go on. Okay, thank you, thank you. The ring goes on this finger to help me remember. Please continue speaking. But the other thing is New Zealanders have such a... New Zealand Australia has such a little brother, big brother mentality,

at least from New Zealand's end. So New Zealand, I think, New Zealand audiences, they love any comedian with an accent, provided they're not Australians. The Australian accent is the one we hate. I found that. We have a hatred towards Australians. The biggest Australian comedian in New Zealand is Chopper.

Yes. Chopper Reid, who I would say... Not the actual Chopper Reid. Not the actual... Heath Franklin's. Obviously, a day of mourning when he passed. I remember seeing the newspaper article saying, you may see that Chopper has died. This is not the Chopper that you sweet New Zealanders know and love.

People, I think, reached out to Seven Days, our topical news show, being like, we're so sorry to hear Chopper died. It's heartbreaking. He won't be coming on the show anymore to talk about the price of milk in New Zealand. At some point, it was very strange that that stopped being an impression of Chopper. Yes. A context for anyone, I guess, in America. Chopper was a criminal.

Yes. Who spent time in prison and bits of his ears were chopped off. And Eric Banner. Eric Banner did a movie about him. Yes, The Incredible Hulk. And then Heath Franklin does an impression of Eric Banner doing an impression of Chopper. And that is the character that became very successful on New Zealand panel shows. Hugely successful.

And at some point he just started doing his own material in the Chopper voice. He's meant to be playing a bike and he's getting up there and going, Girls don't like talking to me. It didn't make any sense. It's interesting how the characters morph i should say all the stand-up is still excellent wonderful it's still wonderful it's just interesting that he still has to do it under the under the chopper name i think there were a couple years where he was trying to stop yes no the people yeah for chop chop he does i

think one year on one year off now is he sort of. Because it does happen with all comedians, I think. If they create a character that's successful online, and then they try to do stand-up, they quickly realise, oh, I'm in a prison of my own making. Have you followed De Antwoord at all? South African hip-hop trio? I haven't heard from them in a long time. There was a clip towards the end of their big wave of success

of Ninja. Ninja the Samurai Song? success Of Ninja Ninja the samurai song Oh no Ninja's the guy But he goes like They go This is a character Isn't it And he goes

I can't take this mask off Like It was all fun and games In the beginning But now What can I do I just hear that exit And all I want to do

Is kill prawns That's all I want to do is kill prawns. That's all I want to do. Yeah. He's in that movie. Is he? Is he? No, hold on.

He's in... Fantastic film. The same director made a very similar film. Elysium? But this time it was about aliens. Yeah. No, it was about robots instead of about aliens. Oh, wait. There was Hugh Jackman?

Yes. Chappie. Chappie. Yes. He's the guy. He's the... Oh, Chappie. Come over here.

We're people of the street. So we understand what it's like to be a robot. But, so Chopper in New Zealand, I think he symbolises everything New Zealanders believe about Australia. Yes. Like he's, you know, he's offensive, he's cruel, he drinks beer, he's not afraid to be politically incorrect or whatever. Well, that's what we'd like to be but what we are actually is a nation of real rule followers yeah no 100%

you're very mild mannered like I've been and the thing is New Zealand comedians we come here and the public embraces us

they're so lovely so kind you're no different to every other country but New Zealand I find this in America now because I went to New Zealand

with my foreign Australian accent harsh stern sometimes literally once at the classic I believe I was I find this in America now because I went to New Zealand with my foreign Australian accent. Harsh. Stern. Sometimes, literally once at the Classic, I believe I was booed onto the stage. This next guy's from Australia. Boo!

It was a light, jovial booing. They've done that, yeah. If someone mentions I've moved to Australia, the crowd reacts badly. Or one time when I... What's wrong with not making any money? Yes. When I moved from Wellington to Auckland, the Wellington MC said, he's moved from Wellington to Auckland, and they booed. And they were mad.

And I was like, I'm sorry. My career's going well. It's a distinctly parochial place. And as well it should be because the deracinated existence is barely worth carrying on with. I mean only to say that now that I've moved to America

and I turn up with an Australian accent, and I get that little extra... I would always see Ivan. He's from Venezo. I love Ivan. But he would get on there, Oh, I'm from Venezuela. And I would think,

It's easier for him. But now I'm in America, I can genuinely say, Wow, it's easier with an accent. Boy, the material I have to bring to get good laughs, not as clever. And Ivan also was very clever and very good. He's very, very good. Yeah, yes.

Being very clever and good combined with an accent. Yes. How do you beat that? Yes. No, because it immediately, I mean, I think the more I do comedy, the more I've come to realize that success in comedy, I mean, obviously you need to be funny but one of the things that's far more important well not far more important but as important as you need to be able to have a clear distinct character on stage yes so the audience can sort of grab a hold on to and sort of get this feeling of where you're coming from do you

struggle with that to have a character yes i think people people have you noticed that you're a very uh middle of the road? I've noticed. There's nothing hugely distinct about Ray? I think, see, I think when I started in New Zealand, there weren't many, I think when I come out on stage, the audience goes, this guy's like a nerd, he's a loser, he's a virgin, which did, I do think. I always think Tiny Tim, Tiptoe Through the Tulip.

Yes, I get that as well are you going for that on purpose and the ukulele doesn't help no marrying a child on the Ed Sullivan show was it David Letterman

it was one of these shows excuse me not that you've done that not that I've done that but one day but she was a child she was like 15 right

please go on Elvis Presley yeah it was a different time it was a different it was a better time and it? It was a better time. It was a different time. Come on.

Character. But I do genuinely think, I mean, well, it's unclear, but I think at least in New Zealand, at least the comedians that were appearing on TV, there weren't any that sort of matched my weird, deadpan, nerdy energy, the kind of vibe that I was bringing. And so I think that did allow me to elevate faster than I think other comedians

who were actually funnier than I was. I mean, in some ways you're less, it's odd, because in some ways you're less deadpan than what we typically think of in Australia as New Zealand comedy. Which is, it would be wrong to say it's only Flight of the Conchords. Yeah, yeah.

But it's mostly Flight of the Conchords. You know, if we do an impression of a New Zealand comedian, it might go something like this. This is a New Zealand sketch. All right. Oh, look, I've got a new pair of shoes. Oh, nice. They look good.

Do you think so? They don't quite fit. Oh, give it a bit of time. Just that going on interminably. Is that unfair? Please do not steal my material. Please. I've spent years holding that shoe stuff.

Oh, no, there's a mark on my shoes. Now everyone will look at me. You come to Christchurch, that stuff destroys, all right? I'm a king. Once they know I'm Australian, doing it out of hate. It's no good. I do want to... This is a podcast mainly about me trying to buy a boat. Yes, congrats know I'm an Australian doing it out of hate, it's no good. I do want to, this is a podcast

mainly about me trying to buy a boat. Yes, congrats. I say mainly. It's not, well, it's a through line that I sometimes return to. Yes.

It's a, it's a movement in a symphony that goes wildly off course too often. Much like a boat might anyway. Oh.

No, it's no good. I'm trying to get more fans in New Zealand. Ah, yes. I've got lots of fans in, I'm doing this tour in Australia that's get more fans in New Zealand. Ah, yes. I've got lots of fans in... I'm doing this tour in Australia. That's going well.

And I've had people write... A couple people say, come to New Zealand. And I can't. Yeah. Because I'm not popular there. Yes, yes. And I don't know how to become popular there. It is genuinely...

Like, I think the New Zealand public still aren't a comedy-going crowd. Like, I still think they're somewhat reticent to go out to things. I believe... Well, it's weird when you go to America. The exact opposite? You go to a town of 200,000 people and they've got a comedy club that's open every night of the week.

Two shows Friday, two shows Saturday. Insane. New Zealand, we only have, I would say, we have one viable comedy club that's been open for 20 years. In four million people in the nation. Yeah, in a nation of five million now. And that's a city for 20 years in 4 million people in the nation yeah yeah in a nation of 5 million now

yeah and that's a city with just over a million people Wellington had one when I started and it shut down after 2 years

and Christchurch currently has one but it's not open every night yep I once was in Dunedin and I went to a

there was something billed as an open mic comedy night oh and we went along and it was it was a little laneway bar and the comedians There was something billed as an open mic comedy night. Oh. And we went along and it was a little laneway bar. And the comedians had just not bothered. I guess it had gone so badly the week before that it had been cancelled by the week I was there.

But the guy who was running the bar, there were like four people there and my girlfriend's, at the time, now wife's, her mum. Oh, congrats. And the bartender was like, did you want to do a spot? We've got the microphone, no one's shown up. And I did my act to the three people who were there. It was dreadful and it was also very dirty stuff about her daughter. And the mother was very supportive but I think it's only now that she's

started to accept the comedy might one day go well enough that I'll be able to provide. And it justifies you dragging her daughter's name through the mud. Well, not through the mud. I was just describing certain acts that at that time we didn't know were wrong. But, of course, now we've come to a more fuller understanding. And, indeed, perhaps if we had truly listened to the conscience,

the aboriginal vicar of Christ, as I think John Henry Newman terms it, we would have known that that was wrong. But the important thing is how do we become more successful in New Zealand? I think it's dropping more John Henry Newman references. I think that's the kind of stuff that goes well with the broad. St. John Henry Newman. It goes well with the broad, the sort of comedy going public. They want to hear the John Henry Newman stuff.

I would resent John Henry Newman in New Zealand because, of course, he started out Anglican, as most of your country is, and then he became Catholic. Yeah. He thought his way through it. And Anglicans don't like that. Leaving Anglicanism and converting to... No, after killing so many people,

to admit that you were wrong at this point would be... Gee, the face would be red. Oh, wait, did he kill people? No, just the Anglicans in general. Oh, yes, yes, yes. I mean, they really had to murder their way out of Christendom.

Excuse me, there's no need to talk about that now. King Henry started out as a great king. Have you ever thought about playing King Henry VIII

in a film? I have. Really? I would love. You think you'd be good? I think I'd be a top notch King Henry VIII. Jovial and fun

for the first act. Then I'd kill all my wives. Wasn't he always a bit like What's the word Syphilitic and sort of You know Decrepit I believe that's raised

No gouty Gouty yes it is Yeah But I would be I think he was such a I think the term is pussy hound That they were using at the time That if he wasn't syphilitic, I would have questions.

Man, syphilis, nasty. Yes, it's crazy that it killed people and it made their brains go, you know, it makes you crazy, right? And then your son or your daughter also inherits syphilis of the brain. Oh, good lord. Hello. Syphilis of the brain. Oh, good lord. Hello. Syphilis of the brain. Friedrich Nietzsche had... I don't know.

I don't know that I believe that. He died of syphilis, I believe. Okay. You don't know that you believe that? I don't believe that. He may have had syphilis, but I don't know to what extent it was involved for his downfall. So Nietzsche, you know, he has like man, Superman.

You're going to invent your own morals and virtue beyond good and evil. And then he sees a horse being flogged. And he sort of has to lie down for the last 10 years and have his sister clean his feces and things of that nature. I believe, and people say he was crazy and it was the syphilis, but I think his ideology got him here. I think he was a victim of his own philosophy, and that's where that thinking gets you.

Not necessarily a rod of the brain. The weight of the world was too much for him after... Who among us is a superman? Who among us can truly come up with their own values? It's just not possible. And that's why I really believe in taking the values that are given to us by other people you've got to be careful of which values you take but one human life is so short and we're so driven by i don't know about you but i'm a very um what's the

word i'm looking for i'm a fallen man oh calipitian is not the word um what's the word concupiscence i've um i've looked inwards and I've thought about it. I've noticed that all my motives are pure. Really? And selfless and above board and generally driven towards light and away from heat. Let me ask this because you're doing a lot of high-stress activities. Yes. You come to a new country.

Yeah. You do stand-up comedy. Yes. You've got to go on a TV show and make jokes about another country's news. That's not easy. It is. I really, um, what's annoying after having, you know, the great thing about New Zealand is that I can go, you know, everywhere else is bigger

than New Zealand. Yeah. So I benefit hugely from moving overseas and stuff. But one of the costs of growing up in New Zealand is that I now have a bunch of cultural references that are absolutely useless. They don't work at all. No one knows who David Bain is. I know who David Bain is,

but only because I was wearing those jumpers. And people kept going, oh, David Bain, David Bain jumper. Oh, you're going to kill everybody. Yeah, David Bain, he was a 30-year-old delivery boy, mailman, paper boy. Paper boy. He would go on his bike and deliver papers. And then one morning, his family died. And he maintains that he was out delivering papers and that his father killed his family and then shot himself. Whereas most people

believe David Bain, well, sorry, not most people. It's up to debate, but a lot of people believe David Bain. Everybody thinks David Bain. Everybody thinks David Bain. Now, did he get off? Not initially. I believe he was sent to prison, and then he was eventually, maybe there was a retrial and he was found not guilty,

and then there was another trial, maybe about whether or not he should get compensation for the amount of time he spent in prison. I tell you who should get compensation is people who go and wear those beautiful jumpers. You can't wear a knitted sweater in New Zealand now without people going, oh, David Bain, it's David Bain. It's our Hitler moustache.

It's literally like anyone who wears that. Such a big reference. I didn't even hear, in Australia you get Cosby sweater. Cosby sweater, yeah, yeah. But so big was David Bain. Yeah, yeah. There are so many beautiful New Zealand cultural reference points. The underarm, we understand.

Yes. That's still very big in New Zealand. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, I could make a reference to that. People would understand what I was talking about. It's been so heartbreaking. I don't even watch sport and I know what it is. There are so many sporting ones that I got into football a couple of years ago

and I can take none of it. All the Americans get to talk about their football. Yeah. And when I'm on stage, I can't just go, I've got some observations about Matthew Lloyd that you might find interesting. Do we all notice that he loves violence, but in a very restrained sort of way? They don't care. But I want to ask about you and the soul.

Ben Cousins, what are references? Do you know Ben Cousins? Last news story I read about Ben Cousins is he was running around shirtlessly in the military complex, and they couldn't catch him because his cardiovascular skills, even as a late-stage drug addict, were too high, and he was screaming,

I'm one of you. I'm one of you. And they couldn't tackle him. Untacklable. Surely that's the sign. You know how when someone will hack into Microsoft, and Microsoft, instead of being like, we're going to send you to prison,

we're going to give you a job because you're obviously great with computers. Yes, yeah. That's a sign. They should be like, you need to be sergeant or something. Move him to centre half forward. Get him at least going through the minefield

or something, dodging sniper fire. But I want to ask, I mean, this is a hard thing. Going to a new country, going on their television and for the spoils of getting to sell out night after night. I mean, big spoils.

Big spoils. Big cash money, doing big rooms. Spear the rod, big spoils. Big spoils. Big cash money. Big spoils. Doing big rooms. Spear the rod, spoil this child. That's what I'm talking about. I don't fully understand where that fits in, but I'll go with it. But what motivates you to push forward through discomfort? You could have been, you know, a happy B-plus level career, New Zealand, sometimes going on their television thing,

but instead you move to Melbourne, a cold, unpleasant city, to try and crack this vast nation. What motivates you if not greed and a lust for power? Is this where it comes from? No, it is. I mean, you got me. Have you heard of the hedonistic treadmill? No.

You may have heard of the concept before. I know hedonism and i know treadmills and it's ironically enough it's not really a combination of either of those things yeah but it's this idea that um one basically that what human beings are hardwired so that we're you know we want something you know like we spend a while you know when i first started all i wanted in comedy was to make enough per week to make a subsistence living. Of course. That's all I wanted. We all just want to return to the yeoman farmer, but with stand-up comedy. So you want to subsist.

Yes, that's all I wanted. And then once you achieve that, you get that, and then you find that. And then you are happy for a little bit, but then, you know, that becomes your new normal. Yeah. And now that that's normal, you want more. And so it's this constant drive in human beings that we're sort of constantly cursed to be unhappy and sort of driving us to move forward and aim for higher and higher things. I think this is only a curse with a disordered life. Yes.

And I can see with a disordered life it is a curse. curse with a disordered life. Yes. I mean, I can see with a disordered life it is a curse. But as a man who keeps impregnating his wife, it is... We need to find that man. I should apologize.

Oh, these big-headed gingers getting chopped out of his missile. My wife, we have three children. We may have more. I appreciate it. They're all young. And again, it's like with every new child, I have to earn a new X amount of money a year. None of them are even in school yet. So as they get older as well, going through life.

They're more expensive. If I was not on that. Swim lessons? I mean, we're. You don't care about them surviving, do you? I took my daughter to try and learn how to swim. And I was so nasty about it. And I don't want to think about it, and I hope I haven't made her afraid of swimming for life.

She just kept clinging on to me and hurting me, and I'd say, let go! And she'd go, I'm scared! And, yeah, anyway, well, swim lessons, definitely a professional would be better at this point. But, like, as one lives and grows in responsibility, the resources one needs to marshal to live in that mode as a caring husband-father, scion type,

is that the word I'm looking for? As an elder, a member of the community. That too increases. So I think that this ambition of higher and higher mountains that only is probably a narcissistic hedonism alone now have you considered impregnating somebody, a woman

I think that would help with these feelings I I mean obviously I've considered it but I've decided against it but I've decided against it. Okay. But I don't care about money for money's sake. The goal isn't to make money or to gather as many resources and then sit on a pile of gold like Smog the Dragon or whatever.

Yeah. So I do think the ultimate goal is to donate it to charity or something or, you know, start trying to, start trying to, you know, give it back to people who's fortunate or, you know. You're not making, I know, I can guess how much you're making. You're not making enough to. Not yet. Seriously improve living standards in Uganda currently.

Not yet. Not yet. But I, but with this white saviour complex, I will. I believe you. I would love to make enough money. First, I mean, obviously the boat. And the boat's not because I want a boat. It's to justify doing a podcast.

In a sense. But I'm cool, definitely. To the seas? I mean, don't you love it? Look at it. What a cool change. There's nothing... I have a dear friend

Her name is Madeline And she wrote to my wife And she said She's a dear family friend And she said Tay I've got to see the ocean I need to see the ocean I must

And I think you must too And then there were all these follow up texts The ocean please And so two days ago We took our children to the ocean And even though it's winter And no one really wants to go in there, there is something about the sea that is... Have you seen the movie The 400 Blows?

No, I have not. It's about a little boy. This is a great oversimplification. It's about a little boy who really wants to see the sea. And then he gets there and the last shot is him sort of turning around and not being all that excited by the sea. But I always think, what a ridiculous little boy. That's the sea.

I love it. You never had that, never wanted something so badly and then achieved it and realized it wasn't all that it was cracked up to be. I'm no Japanese businessman trudging off to a suicide forest three days after a new promotion. I love life. I want it all. I tell you, the needs are so great.

Yes. Genuine needs. A man needs a home. A man with a family, renting is not just not good. I think it's psychologically harmful to your children. And this is a moral ill. Interesting. Is that because you have to move more often or anything like that? An instability? good i think it's psychologically harmful to your children and this is a moral ill interesting is that because you have to move more often or anything like that an instability or it would

be part of it but i think even something as simple as i wish to paint a wall i wish to manifest that that this i am a custodian of this land and i do with it what should be done for my family. And you can't do that in a rental. A man comes in and inspects to see if your socks are off the floor every three days. What are you doing with that exhaust fan? Get a paper towel across that. Yuck! No, a man must be free. You know?

My neighbour knocked on my door and told me off because they could hear my heater downstairs they could hear your heater yeah it was the ac unit that was installed in the apartment as i you know as i got it and they um and that is too loud for them and so um now and they insist on me going cold in the evenings um and i just that that's no way for it. Ray, you've got to drop a fuck you on this guy. I'm sorry to say. If ever, you're a conflict-averse man, I can tell. Yes, yes, yes, 100%.

But if ever there was a time to say, you fuck. You overstepping the lines. Yeah. And it's not that loud. I was once in a Juicy Snooze in Christchurch. Oh, the van. No, it's owned by the van company, but it was their pod hotel. Oh, yeah.

And it wasn't really proper doors on the pod. What it was was like a YMCA with molded plastic furnishings to make it look futuristic. But you would bring your little curtain down and then put on the fan, and the fan was so loud. And there were businessmen there, people waiting to make connecting flights. It just made me too sad. So I was the heater fan, and so I would keep getting myself cold until I couldn't take it anymore and then put the sound on.

You've got to have the heater. You deserve the heater. Thank you. Thank you. That's too kind. That's too kind. But I think as I have lived in places before where my neighbors have been so loud that it's irritated me. And so I understand where they're coming from.

But anyway, the point is if your children were living in that scenario, that would be horrible. That's no way for people to live. And now I've got all these coins rattling around in my pocket. It does, when I feel like, I do feel like when I buy something with cash, it feels free now. It feels like I haven't spent any money on it. Is that funny?

It used to feel the other way. Yes, it used to feel the other way. And now it's just, well, this isn't real. I used to apologise for getting out my EFTPOS card for like a dollar transaction. When you were off at the dairy? Yes, yes, the dairy.

Buying yourself a cookie time? Were you buying cookie time at the dairy? Don't you ingratiate yourself to me with these Kiwi references. I couldn't believe how poor the quality of food was in the average dairy. New Zealand finally has juice. Reasonable juice. For a long time, you just had reconstituted... What, it's about just juice?

You've got a supermarket now. You can buy decent juice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's not always been the case in New Zealand. What are you talking about? Six, seven years ago... One of the stuff my dad watered down wasn't any good. People could make their own juice potentially or have cordial.

Yeah. But no, I remember when the juice game, I've been going, if I could make it in New Zealand. Did you grow up in New Zealand? I spent, I went there in year 10. And then I went back there. You had one bad juice. Yeah, to be fair, that may not be an accurate complaint. That might just be that particular super...

That pack and save in Dunedin that had a juice problem and I've held on to it. Coco Ninja? Coco Ninja. I think that was the name of a drink they were selling at the time. There are so many beautiful things to say about New Zealand. Let's maybe... This would be a nice moment. Let's recount some to say about New Zealand. Let's maybe, this would be a nice moment,

let's recount some of the best New Zealand things. Milliford Sound. Oh, my mum. The All Blacks. My dad. I feel like I'm doing a lot of the heavy lifting here. The keen interest in high school boys playing rugby. We really jump on in the later stages playing rugby. Oh, yeah.

We really jump on in the later stages once they've joined the leagues. Yes. But when you watch those beautiful, developed 14-year-old Pacifica boys with their mountainous calves getting out there for a sweat. Rugby is actually falling off in New Zealand. No. I read a study about it. I saw someone did a study about it, and basketball is the thing that's growing.

Oh, no. And soccer and rugby is falling behind. No. Is it because no one else in the world... I think that's got to be a part of it. It's got to be a part of it. No one else cares. I assume no one else cares in part

because New Zealand keeps dominating at it, and so it's not a fun game for anyone else. We stopped caring as a country. We're not as good at this. We're never going to get rid of the talent pathway into rugby league and the AFL. I mean, it's our third or fourth best athlete, and only the private school educated.

It's only an upwardly mobile game. But you'd be crazy to keep being invested in it if you kept suffering so badly. And what's worse is that... You're number one, Ray. Yes. Never forget how sweet it is to be number one. No, but that's the thing is that New Zealand has forgotten,

and we've become bitter and contorted in our victory. We've become sore winners. Anything less than a perpetual first place is very difficult. Yes. When South Africa gets up there on the podium. And not only that, though, when we win games, you know, my dad would always listen to sports talkback radio, and it was people calling in to complain that the game wasn't played well enough,

even though we had won. Even though you had won. I don't know what the issue was. We had won. But, you know, these people, they just become so disappointed. Even the taste of victory has become like ash in their mouth. It's sad. It's sad when you become that.

It's like the oldest gunslinger in the West who's just sick of killing young men. Won't they give me a challenge? Won't they give me a challenge for the boys up there? I did a corporate gig at a Bladderslaw Cup once. Really? Is that an Australia versus New Zealand match? I think that's what it's called.

I could be getting that wrong. No, you're right. I just don't know enough about rugby. It was a terrible thing, but it was all Kiwis. It was in Australia. Hello, how you doing? Oh, yes, thank you. Do you want to say it into the mic? Thank you for watching. I recognise this man. He's a lovely bloke.

Keep it up. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Oh, really? You don't know me. That's fine. You should check out his bit about Kanye West. Oh, thank you. Thank you very much. Oh, really? You don't know me. That's fine. He's very funny. You should check out his bit about Kanye West. It's very good. I'm absolutely devastated to have experienced that in my own hometown. You come here, you beat us at rugby, you outshine us with the locals.

It's a genuinely insane thing to have happened. Because I never really came to Australia before I started appearing on TV here. I'd been to Canberra for three days and that was it. Which is not really representative of the rest of the country, I would say. Not at all. And so it's so strange to be in this country and, you know, I mean, not that it happens all the time but it happens sufficiently enough that I get like recognised

by people who don't you know who I've never met before in cities I've never been this is the first time I've ever been to Adelaide and a man just ran by and said hello to me isn't that insane it's beautiful your reputation precedes you

it suggests you'll never be able to be a stranger in any new place. Yes, unless I go to a place that doesn't speak English, which is maybe the way to go. You'll want to go to some of the eastern suburbs of Adelaide. It suggests a level of career success, which is nice, but a real sacrifice in privacy, which is obviously not ideal. Well, then stop. You've got to stop being successful in New Zealand now.

If that's where your home hearth and heart are, would it be possible to become successful? I think about this sometimes. Would it be possible to become successful only overseas and get to come home to Adelaide and not have to live as a known person? And so you could do that in a number of ways. I think you could play a sport that they don't care about here. But even then, we'd care about the sport.

Yes. No, yeah. Like, again, I mean, basketball, again, is only starting to get bigger in New Zealand now. But the people, the New Zealanders who have gone on... If the basketball gets bigger, how will it fit through the ring? Please continue. I apologize.

We'll just sit in silence. No, you were right. I misspoke and you were right to seize upon it. No, you spoke correctly. It's just the word is the same. The sport and the item the sport is played with are the same now. So lowers my self-esteem. I was willing to

believe I made myself a football. Never accept that from anyone, Ray. If someone comes and says this heat is too loud, you say, you get out of here. I need a certain quality of life. If someone attacks you for saying basketball, you take pride in having said basketball. That's what this show's all about

is bringing the self-esteem up. No, it's about buying a bike. Seriously. What was the question? It was about basketball. No, no. Yes, no. I think... seriously what was the what was the question it was about basketball no no yes no I think

just to be to be unknown in the home yes yes I do think there's such a like I mean these are just I don't know

I have good problems you know I'm very lucky I'm very lucky that this is the issue in my life well you must be lonely in Melbourne because I look I've moved to Melbourne yeah

I mean I was lonely in Melbourne because I, look, I've moved to Melbourne. Yeah. I mean, I was lonely in Melbourne with, in a relationship though. Are you living alone? You got housemates? I live alone. Wow. Yeah. That's a real level of success in Melbourne. Yeah.

That's bonafide real success to not have to live with someone else. Well, the issue was I felt like I'd reached a certain age. Also, as the years had gone by and I was slowly losing more and more flatmates. Yeah. And I just felt like I was getting to a level where I thought it was embarrassing to have to show up to sheer house viewings.

And I was also embarrassed of like, what if this person recognises me from TV? And then they're like, aren't you on TV? Why are you here viewing the sheer house? You wouldn't move in with a comedian? Oh, I know. I would, I would. But again, I didn't know as many comedians back then. Of course.

I guess I would have been taking a risk, you know. You took a bold leap. Had you already been on Have You Been Paying Attention Australia when you moved there? Yes. So what? They flew you out from New Zealand, never having been there, to be on our telly. And I can't get a phone call saying,

hey, Jimmy, how about you make some wisecracks about King Charles? Who knows? Maybe one day. G'day, g'day. How are you going? He's on the telly. Hello. I said, thank you.

Those people were decidedly much less impressed about me being on television. They imported you. I didn't know they imported you for our TV. It's so good. I'm glad. There's no one invested in you. New Zealand is closer to Melbourne than Perth is, you know. So in some ways it's similar to flying someone interstate,

you know, which they also do. Yes, I understand. But what about a little pride? What about a little homegrown pride? That's all I ask. I will say Seven Days does fly Australian comedians to New Zealand. So there is some reciprocal. That is nice.

Which Australians have been on Seven Days? Let's see. Claire Hooper, Mel Buttle, Alex Ward, Emma Holland, and Chopper, I think. Chopper, Heath Franklin has been the... Four ladies and a chopper sounds about right proportionally And then Britt Blake

Britt Blake got on seven days Yeah Britt Blake's been on Britt congratulations that's outstanding But that's well you know that has happened the other way

and I will say Seriously a white guy from Australia getting picked to go on New Zealand television is like a black lady in the 50s

winning an Academy Award. It's incredible how good you have to be to get over that. I can cut some of this out. That's me saying that. That's not you saying that. Yeah, yeah. I refuse to side off. I've still got a career, so I refuse to side off. You've done fine.

But I will sign on with saying Brett Blake is a very good comedian. Outstanding. And I think his partner is also Ki Black is a very good comedian. Outstanding. And I think his partner is also Kiwi. So I think it was like, you know, he doesn't know the cultural relevance that Seven Days had, but his partner did. So that was very nice for him. Oh, my goodness. I thought when I got to New Zealand, I just thought I'd walk into Seven Days.

And I thought that would be so impressive for my woman. And it just never happened. And it never will happen. But that's fine. It might happen. It actually could now happen. You can't say never. The show's still on the air.

I don't even know that I'd... No, I would want to. I see people who have great successes, comedians, go, I don't want to go on Jimmy Kimmel. I don't need to. Time is over. I would so love to go and sit next to Jimmy Kimmel, wear a suit and tie, and say,

Jimmy, how's it going? Jimmy, here's my stand-up repackaged to seem like a normal story. I have so many bits that never quite made it that I would so love to use. Do you have a story that was on stage that didn't quite work that you'd like to repurpose for an anecdote on this podcast? Oh, there are things that have just happened to me. I was in line at the airport security, and the man recognized me. Hold on.

Let me set this up the way it would be on a talk show. All right. This is a top professional talk show. Ray, you're a successful man. You do a lot of traveling. And you ever get recognized at the airport? Oh, James. Jimmy.

Let me say. Oh, my God. I'm sure I would have to be a Jimmy. You'd have to be a Jimmy. You'd have to be a Jimmy. They're all Jimmys. Oh, James. Jimmy. Let me say. Oh, my God. I'm sure I would have to be a Jimmy. You'd have to be a Jimmy. You'd have to be a Jimmy. They're all Jimmys. Oh, my. There was, you know, it happens from time to time.

You know, one time I was in airport security, and the man, he recognized me. You see, that guy from that show, and they never know the name of the show. You know how it is. I do. You know, and then, yes, that's the other thing, is you have to be over. People say it about me on my name of the show. You know how it is. I do. That's the other thing is you have to be over it. People say it about me on my show all the time.

They say, don't I know you from television? And I say, no, I'm the man who accidentally killed your sister with a car. And they go, oh, that's right. No, please go on. I apologize. We're on Conan. I didn't realize. No, it was yesterday.

We're going for a bit darker, a bit easier. What's a lighter version of I could do the David Letterman version Aren't you that fella who's always Hiding outside my wife's window at night And so Jimmy He recognised me And then he said oh you've got a bit of white fluff

In your hair And then he said let me get that for you. Oh, very intimate. And he leant over the airport security line, but he wasn't quite – and I had to lean forward as well because I was taller than him. And then he picked fluff. He picked – I don't know if it was a big bit of dandruff or a big – but he groomed me like an ape would groom their young.

And lying, it was humiliating. And that's basically, you know, that's just something that's happened. Oh, I thought the touchdown was when they're petting you, petting the buttock and those things. That was bad, but to be tenderly groomed by a, usually you have to pay a bit extra to get a thing like that happening on a flight. The roots, the roots do a rim shot. Jimmy Fallon gets up Walks away from the desk

Laughs so hard What are you here to promote? What am I here to promote? What are you here to promote? My You can follow me on my socials It's At Ray O'Leary

Comedy across everything Very funny man Ray O'Leary Ray O'Leary Ladies and gentlemen I'm still on tour in Australia And Edinburgh Sorry should I

Were we going to do a bow? No It was just But now is the serious time. Now, I'm going to, oh, look at that.

That's, isn't that? Yes, I've been noticing the sun behind the clouds so beautifully. Sometimes I like to do affirmations on the podcast.

Oh, yes. Like to affirm. You got anything you'd like to affirm? Oh, I was waiting. I was going to. I can give you some examples. Like I could say, sometimes I just like to.

Hello there. I like to look deep into my heart. You know, like today, looking at the ocean, I affirm that I'm going to sail a boat on this ocean one day. Oh, yeah. I affirm that. Mm-hmm. I affirm that. I affirm that. You know, I've been a bit lazy about trying to get on Australian media

to sell this upcoming tour. Yeah. I'm going to work harder on that. I'm going to chase up some leads. Yes, do it. I affirm that even though that involves humble pie, you know. You have to. Well, one can

I think it's fun and let's not take it you know let's not forget the fun of being out here and doing something

exciting affirmations it's such a dream job I'm so lucky isn't it crazy to get to do it yes it's so what a gift

as Nate Bogartsey said we're all just trying to win the lottery you know this episode is brought to you by Google Pixel I'm Jessie Crookshank And as Nate Pegazzi said, we're all just trying to win the lottery, you know. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessi Cruikshank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend.

I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com.