The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Resolute

Episode Date: January 1, 2023

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I'm Jessie Cruikshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture. But when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know what thirsty meant until there was all these headlines and i get schooled by a tween facebook is like a no that's what my grandma's on thank god phone a friend with jesse crookshank is not available on facebook it's out

now wherever you get your podcasts a cast helps creators launch grow and monetize their podcasts everywhere a cast.com Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com Oh, hello and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. My name is James Donald Forbes McCann. This is the Catamaran Plan. I will buy a catamaran for $500,000 or thereabout. G, inflation is moving very quickly.

Might have to be more money than that. Hello! And it's good to have you here. This is the first episode of 2023. It's a new year, new ways of doing things, new passion, new light, new fire, but an old goal, a year-old goal of me new ways of doing things, new passion, new light, new fire, but an old goal, a year-old goal of me, James Donald Forbes McCann,

trying to buy a boat. Now, every week last year, with the exception of the final week of the year when I took a week off, and it's great to be back. I'm sorry to have taken that week off. I apologise. It was hard for me to be away from you. I love you so very, very much. But for every week last year, we had a podcast come out for the James Donald Forbes Academy round plan.

And I instigated a series of plans, exciting, new, dynamic plans. We had an art auction. We went on tour. I was in America. We have a Patreon. So many things were done. Feel free to go and listen to it again. But what I can tell you right now is there is no boat yet. I am recording this podcast in a car park in my Volvo, which is not where I want to be. I want to be on a boat. Now, the podcast has been an enormous success over the last year

by the criteria of what a podcast should be. Is it reaching out and touching people and making a real human connection in their lives? Yes! And I want to say thank you to the man who drove down from Townsville and binged, listened to the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. And the Christmas special on YouTube out now. Although I think probably just wait until next year at this point.

Wait until the Christmas time to watch it again. But maybe we'll do another one and you won't have to. Listen. This man, he drove down from Townsville to Adelaide. It's a long drive. And he said he'd listened to the catamaran plan the whole way. He said he'd listened to the catamaran plan the whole way. He said he'd listened to the Christmas special three times. He said he listened to In the Blink Midwinter seven times.

One of the songs that I sing on the Christmas special. And I could tell that the podcast had made a real impact in his life. And I thought that was so beautiful. I mean, also it had made an impact in his wife's life because she was in the car with him and I don't think she wanted to listen to it as much as he did. Apparently the first time they listened to the Christmas special, she enjoyed it. And the second and third time, some of the love might've come away from how she felt about the podcast. Anyway, I felt blessed and touched and moved and beautiful that the podcast is having that impact in someone's life. And so many people contact me and say wonderful things about the podcast.

And to that, I say thank you. And by the criterion of a podcast, again, we're kicking goals. We've got hundreds of dollars a month coming in on the Patreon. We've got thousands of listeners. But you know what we don't have, ladies and gentlemen? A boat! And this is not a podcast about building community and touching people's lives. This is a podcast about building community and touching people's lives.

This is a podcast about me owning a boat. And so over the holiday season, I've taken a real look at myself and I've said, James, why don't you own a boat yet? And I have many theories as to why I don't own a boat yet. You know, obviously, the fact of the matter is I don't have enough money to buy a boat. We're getting money in from the Patreon, but I've immediately hired a man, Sam Clark from Sam Clark Studios, the first mate of this podcast. He does an incredible job to produce videos, which again, it's going very well and more income will come

from that in the future. And we're building towards it. But it's just, we're not, we don't have a big pile of money where I could even say that's close to boat ownership. And because now we have an employee, we don't even really have profit. And with no profit, how can we ever hope to have a boat? And I thought, why is that? Why haven't I managed to organise myself to have a boat by now within a single year? How hard is it to make half a million dollars? I think if you went up to Warren Buffett and you said, you've got to make half a million dollars, he would do it.

He is obviously not starting from zero, but you understand what I'm saying. And so here are my two theories as to why I don't yet have the $500,000 required to have a boat. Here's my apologia. Theory number one. A globalist cabal is going out of their way to destroy my life. And Satan is with them trying to stop me owning a boat. And that's obviously true. But it's not a helpful answer because I can't do anything about that.

And here's the second answer. There's a problem with me. Friedrich Nietzsche says this about despair. He says, if you're in a state of existential anguish, and I'm mangling the quote here because this is just vaguely what I remember. He says, you can change one of two things. You can change the world or you can change yourself if you want to get out of nihilism. Well, in this case, I don't want to get out of nihilism. I want to get into a boat. But I think the fundamental motivating thing behind that is the same.

motivating thing behind that is the same. Now, I can't change the world. I can't change that there's a globalist cabal of Satanist paedophiles trying to hold me down. Whatever that means to you. But on that second point, are there things that I could do better? Are there ways that I could transform my own life to become the sort of

person who could own a boat? Listen, here's something I want to say. I don't think there's been a problem with any of the plans over the last year. I think they've all been excellent, excellent plans. The Christmas special was a great plan. The art auction was a great plan. The tour was a great plan. The poetry book was a great plan. The art auction was a great plan. The tour was a great plan. The poetry book was a great plan. The flyers were a great plan. So many great plans. I don't think the problem is a lack of imagination. If there's one thing I have,

it's powerful dreams that tell me what to do. Here's what I want to say. Going into the new year, going into 2023, going into boat ownership, the problem is me. And even if the problem is not actually me and I'm fine, it's important, I think, to think that the problem is me because that's the one thing I can do something about. I can change. I can't change the other things around me without changing myself first. So I'm going to do it. I've listed the impediments and the weaknesses within myself that I think are coming between me and owning a boat. And I'm going to fix them. I'm going to fix

my problems. I've made a list. I have here four things that are getting in the way, Four impediments and what I can do to... I won't say solve. I won't say fix. I won't say destroy. I'm going to say transcend. Transcend. Transcend. Transcend. Transcend. Transcend these impediments. Transcend. Because some of them are impediments that are important and that are necessary. Like the first one. The first one is an impediment that I don't want to get rid of. Because the first impediment is obligation. I have many, many obligations to God, first and foremost. But to my wife, to my children, to my parents, to my friends,

to my listeners. So, excuse me, that was a most unusual burp. So many obligations. You know, a friend calls who's going through a hard time and you spend an hour on the phone to him and you lose that hour. That's not a productive work hour. But you get to talk to a friend during a difficult time for him. Now, sometimes you do have to let people go because they're using you. But for the most part, I think we should be there for one another. And I want to be there for my children and my wife. And I want to have a relationship with God. And I want to hang on to my obligations.

But boy, oh boy, it is important to acknowledge that as a result of having those obligations, there are things that I just can't do. And this is something that is really hard for me on an ongoing basis. I struggle to know what I can't do. And then when I can't do a thing that I thought I could do because of an obligation, I fill up with resentment and unhappiness and sadness and I lie on the floor and I scream into the darkness and I lose even more time. There are things that I just can't do. I can't sell my body for sex. That would upset my wife. I can't go on tour indefinitely and be away from my children who I love so very much. I can't max out credit cards, fake my death and disappear,

make a pact with Satan, become a Pentecostal minister, become a drug dealer, go around second-hand stores and flip things on eBay, do condom commercials. There are just certain things that I've discovered over the last year that I can't do. Also, I can't do more pedestrian things like leave the house for too long while my wife is recovering from a caesarean section after I finish recording this podcast I'm going to race back home take the children and we'll figure out dinner oh oh here's another thing I can't do I can't quit working as

a freelance copywriter I make too much money for such little time in the week as a freelance copywriter. I make too much money for such little time in the week as a freelance copywriter. But even though I'd like to take that time and just put it into the catamaran plan, I've got three hungry children to look after and a wife. I'm not going to get rid of those things. Are these things impediments? These relationships, these loves,

are they impediments to me doing the work that I could do to have half a million dollars in a boat? Of course they are, yes. But I'm not going to get rid of them. But here's the lesson that helps me transcend it. I'm going to recognize my limitations. I'm going to work harder on saying, James, you can do this and you can't do that. And

then at least I will be able to navigate my life in a more clear and focused way. And I won't be smashing my foot into doorways. I'll be able to move through the thresholds that are available to me. Do you know what I mean? I thought I did, but now I'm not sure. If I can only work a six-hour day, if I can't do the 15-hour ADHD hyper-focused days that I used to do before having kids, fine. Recognize that limitation and make the most of the six hours. That's a lesson. That's a lesson. And I'm going to learn that lesson. That's a new year's resolution for me, is to learn lesson number one, recognize limitations. I'm going to give you an impediment number two. And this is one that I can do something about even more than just acknowledging that there's an issue. My health. I am not a healthy man and not because of some deficiency at birth not through some unusual

disease not through some you know even being in a country where there's malaria I just haven't taken the care with my body over this year I made a list of some mental and physical disorders that I've encountered this year. My circumcision, no one's fault. My foreskin was doing some weird stuff. It had to go. Slowed me right down. I had a circumcision. I had gastro twice. Once is bad enough. Most years I don't have gastro at all. Gastro twice. I had COVID at least once. It showed up on a test once, and I don't know if I had it another time. It didn't show up on the test, but I'm pretty sure I had it, and maybe a third time. I had many colds. I was depressed. I drank too much. I became manic

at certain times. And all of these things impedimented. Imped impeded they were impediments to my working hard and having enough money and executing plans properly and owning a boat so here's my lesson i'm gonna get right let's get right i'm gonna get right i'm gonna get the body right. I'm going to get the mind right. And there are a couple of ways that I can do that. Number one, the drink. I'm not going to buy alcohol for myself anymore this year, except on Sundays. There's got to be, yeah, I'm not quite ready to just say I'm not drinking anymore, but I won't be buying alcohol. You know, but if someone comes around the house, right,

and they go, Jimmy, do you want to have a beer? I'm very sad. I've got a problem. And this is something that happens to me three or four nights a week. Again, having those friendships and obligations is not something I'm willing to give up because it's nice to be there for people and it's good to have community and we shouldn't become atoms in our dogged pursuit of boat ownership. So I'm not going to completely stop drinking, and I don't think I would say I had a problem with a drink. Anyway, listen, but I'm not going to buy alcohol for me. If someone wants to have a drink, great.

If someone says, Jimmy, do you want to come out for a beer? Fine. But I won't be using alcohol in my private life to unwind anymore, except for Sundays. Because, you know, it's a day of rest and it's, well, I suppose one of those people who might want to have a drink at some point is my wife. And she can now have a drink now that she's not pregnant, now that we have a baby.

This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessie Cruikshank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails,

suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com. Breaking news happens anywhere, anytime. Police have warned the protesters repeatedly, get back. CBC News brings the story to you as it happens.

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What can you do? So you don't want to be drinking in that situation. My point is, let me rephrase. Radical diminishment of alcohol consumption. Bob Hawke, when he became Prime Minister, gave up the drink. He was an alcoholic before, he was an alcoholic after. But he didn't drink while he was a Member of Parliament because he said he had more important things to do.

Now, I don't think I am an alcoholic. I've met alcoholics. I enjoy a drink. Drinking is great. And it really doesn't get in the way other than the fact that it's an expense, it slows down and impedes cognition and it makes me fat. If I was, you know, if I was a drinker and all I was doing was having, you know, vodka soda, that'd be fine. But I love beer. I love the carb carb intake it makes me fat and slow and in a stupor and I don't have the time

to do that if I have to have a boat and have my health right so the drinking has to come right back have I had a big glass of Riesling today? Yes I have sir so I won't be buying the new alcohol but over New Year's yes

some alcohol did accumulate in the house and I was very happy to have it. Anyway, what else? The bicycle. Ah, I have a bicycle and I have, I basically didn't ride it after the birth of my second son due to becoming, I don't know, depressed. I was not, no, I was doing a lot of exercise before then. Hey, my wife's calling me hello honey I'm so good I'm just

sitting in a car park recording the catamaran plan I think I've got about eight minutes left and then I can come back home excellent I will

try not to make a mistake on the podcast and then have to start recording it again, which I have done many times. No, that's all right. And I want you to know that I've got you up to my ear instead of on speakerphone so that people can't hear you because I know how embarrassed you would be to be on the podcast. I am a kind husband. I do love you. All right. Goodbye. I am a kind husband.

I do love you. All right. Goodbye. Now. What else? Oh, I got the bicycle. Sorry, we've got to be at a clip now to get through the rest of these. I've got to get home for dinner.

And you see, the old James McCann, he would have gone, oh, I've just snuck out to do the podcast. I've really only been out of the house for a half hour, And already I get a call going, you've got to come home. And I would have gone, oh, come on, honey. But I don't do that anymore. Instead, I go, I'm going to recognize my limitations. It's important that I'm there Sunday evening with my family at dinnertime. I'm going to go back and I'm going to enjoy it. And I'm going to get the podcast done now. You see, I've recognized limitations. I've grown. I got a bicycle, right? And I was enjoying riding the bicycle over COVID. And then this, my son was born and I was depressed and I stopped riding the bicycle and I got fatter.

And you know, when you're fat, you don't have the energy that you want. So I stopped riding the bicycle. With the birth of the new child, I've started riding the bicycle again and I'm loving riding the bicycle and I think it's good for the health and I had a knee problem before I started riding the bicycle and the knee problem has even started to go away with the riding of the bicycle I worried that I would inflame and make worse the knee, but instead the body loves the movement and the activity and the struggle. So, enjoying the bicycle, getting the body right. I am going to give up fast food.

Except under certain circumstances, I think basically I'm going to treat fast food the same as the drink, but just a radical, radical, radical less fast food. We're going to get right. That's lesson two. Lesson one, recognize limitations. Lesson two, let's get right.

Impediment number three, poverty. And now poverty, poverty is a loaded word. And maybe I shouldn't use it there because when you say poverty, people think little children with big swollen bellies in Africa, with flies covering them and dysentery and that sort of thing. And obviously, I'm recording this from a Volvo. We don't have that sort of poverty. But we do have the sort of poverty where I have to record this in a Volvo, because we can't afford a house big enough for me to record the podcast in. Oh, so I mean, some other things that get in the way, this microphone

is not my microphone that I record the podcast on. I bought microphones to do the podcast. I found them to be slightly complicated. I had this microphone, which was Brad Hollis's microphone, that he used to do for his videos. If you go and you watch the old, yeah, yeah, good boy, good boy, good footy energy videos on Facebook, and he's got a long microphone in the Facebook videos, that's the microphone I use. It's that microphone. He gave it to me. He let me borrow it. And at some point, I'm going to have to give it back to him. But the whole process of getting, like it doesn't connect to a computer. It's on an SD card, which I have to get out and put into a converter,

put that in the computer, and then drag the file over, and then load that file up onto GarageBand on my brother's old laptop, because my first laptop broke. And I do this in my car. And it's just like, man, there's got to be a better way to record a podcast. Like if you had more money, and I could have enough money, right? I could just save the Patreon up for, I don't know, three, four months at this point, and then probably buy the equipment that I needed.

But then I wouldn't be able to pay Sam, the videographer, to make the beautiful videos, to grow the excellent content. My point merely being a lack of funds. I'm finding it to be something that holds me back. So the lesson there is I'm going to do something about it. We have enough listeners on the podcast that if I actually used my old salesman tactics, I think, to get out there, to pound the doors, to try and get some sponsors for the podcast properly, some properly paying sponsors for the podcast, I think I could do it. Over the last year, I've had many sponsors of the podcast,

but I haven't actually let them pay. I just thought it was nice if someone was a patron and they had a business that I could talk about it, or even if they weren't a patron person. You know, so many wonderful businesses. Hill Street Productions, Mataday Rosaries, that wonderful tuck shop for Smoko in Wagga Wagga, the hair-cutting business in Rundle Mall.

And these are wonderful businesses, and I want to continue to support friends and companions and brothers and sisters-in in arms with their businesses. But I do also have to find people with money who want me to talk about their products, I think. So I'm going to do something about it and I'm going to take that money and put that towards making this an easier, more efficient thing to do. Because with the limitations that I have and recognize that is necessary. I do think that I may have discovered a way to get an office for free. I'll give you an update on that in the future when it happens or doesn't happen but that would be something. If I could go to an

air-conditioned room that was soundproofed to talk rather than sitting in the mostly empty undercover car park. Think of the impact that that would make in my life. Think of how much easier that would make it not have to pause the podcast while semi-trailers go past. So many semi-trailers in a row can be going past. Impediment number four, self-sabotage. There's no way around that. And I'm not going to chalk that up to some sort of mental illness that I can group in with the physical unwellness of being a fat man, a fat sick man with gastro. We're definitely going to be more careful about the foods we eat this year. Although having gastro

is a great way to get slim. I am a self-sabotager. I think you mean self-saboteur. And listening back, I... You know, the fact that I'm recording this on a Sunday is not a... I'm recording it just before it goes out once again. And I never recorded anything ahead of time. I never gave myself a buffer. I always wanted to do that.

I never did it. I'm a self-sabotager. Self-saboteur. I've got four mugs that I just haven't brought myself to send out yet. There were problems. There were difficulties sending the mugs out. I wasn't happy with the design. One was sent back to me smashed.

One, I drove to a person's house and then couldn't figure out how to safely drop it at the house and then just drove away and they never got the mug. I have to do something about that. I have a painting from the art auction that Laura O'Callaghan bought for $150. She paid her money. I have seen her so many times this year. I'm really, really, really, really trying to get you that painting, Loz. So that's this week. That's the lesson there. It's just get the past fixed fix it get it done and then we can move on into a bright hopeful future i'm going to get those mugs out this week laws i will find you and i will give you that painting i will give you the painting

i don't actually know where the painting is in my house right now. I've moved house recently with the painting. I will have to find the painting. But when I find the painting laws, I will give it to you. Those are the big four things that I'm going to do this year. The lessons, once again, for reference, is I'm going to recognize my limitations. I'm going to get right. Let's get right. I'm going to do something about the physical, spatial limitations that are beplaguing me, like having an office and the right equipment to make a podcast.

And I'm going to stop with nothing but sheer tyranny of will. There will be no more procrastination. There will be no more self-sabotage. But if you will excuse me, ladies and gentlemen, I must now go home for dinner with my family. God bless you. God keep you. My affirmation is that I'm going to keep those things. My affirmation is that I'm going to keep those things true.

Those will be the lights and the pillars that keep me going. I will live my life by those rules. You know, unless I decide not to. This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessie Cruikshank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant. Gemini can help you summarize your unread emails, suggest what to make with the food in your fridge, and it helped me achieve a family photo where everyone is smiling at the camera. I didn't think it was possible, but it is with Google Pixel 9. Learn more at store.google.com.

ACAST powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessi Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture, but when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show. I get thirsty for the hot wiggle.

I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a node. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.