The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Respect

Episode Date: May 22, 2022

Adelaide THIS Wednesday May 25: https://www.trybooking.com/events/landing/904894?bof=1Melbourne Jun 11 Aesthetic: https://www.eventbrite.com.au/e/james-donald-forbes-mccann-aesthetic-melbourne-tickets-333373969517Join the Patreon! Some mugs remain, I accidentally got too many: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccann Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.com. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! Welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan podcast. We're joined by Sam Campbell.

Cheers. Well, Sam, it's been real. Thank you for coming on the show once again. First repeat guest. Any time for you, Jimmy. Isn't that just joyous? Well, such wonderful things coming up for you on today's episode of the podcast. Look, I think I've done my back carrying someone out.

Thank you, Sam. No worries, he says. I think I've done my back carrying someone out of the show last night. We had some wonderful, excitable people at the show last night who had to be carried out. They loved being carried out, I'll have you know. But I, the body is weak. The body has become weak. This is my last day in Sydney, my last day on tour, that I'm speaking to you.

And then early tomorrow morning, I'm going back to Adelaide. Thank goodness. Thank goodness gracious to be with my family, to look after them and to prepare for the new James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan extravaganza that'll be taking place at the Rhino Room on the 25th which is this Wednesday, this coming Wednesday so that's two days time, it's downstairs at the Rhino Room please, please, if you're in Adelaide, I'd love to have you at that show, ticket link in the box

thing, you know, they're findable, they're findable tickets, I will link to them to have you at that show. Ticket link in the box thing. You know, they're findable. They're findable tickets. I will link to them. And unless you're a Patreon member, in which case, please just come for free. Not so much for free because the Patreon does cost money,

but it would be an honor to have you there. Can Moran plan extravagant? Zah! Coming up soon. What can you expect at this live show? Well, we're going to experiment I've got a number of ideas of things

That when I start to take a catamaran plan on the road Or perhaps on the sea That could be a part of that show Songs, perhaps Sketches, maybe Excerpts from a book that someone might be writing, yes. A little bit of dancing, maybe. Question and answer session, depending on how little material I manage to assemble in time.

It will be nice to do a show of light-hearted pleasantries, I can tell you that, after this show, which just every night is about death. Except for last night when the show was half about death and half about carrying people out and commentary on that and shouting and, oh, it was rowdy. The people in Sydney are nice and rowdy. The people in Brisbane were dirty and the people in Sydney were wild. Anyway, I now, funny story, maybe a funny story. Well, I'll let you be the judge.

I came to Sydney via casino. It's a small town of casino. When Federation, now this is the story everybody knows about, Federation in Australia, that the states were so separate that they have different rail gauges and so you can't just get the same normal conventional train from one state to the other. And I believe that is the reason why you cannot get a train from Brisbane to Sydney, which is what I wanted to do. What you have to do is you get on a bus to the northern New South Wales town of Casino

and then that takes you via train a bus to the northern New South Wales town of Casino and then that takes you via train the rest of the way and the train the rest of the way was delightful I had a little bed had a shower and my own toilet that I shared with an elderly woman in my own room and it was just ever so pleasant I can't say nice enough things about travel by rail at night in contradistinction with what happened on the bus, which was unpleasant. And rather than recount it to you, when I got off the train, I had a gig that night and I just sort of stream of consciousness said what happened to the audience. So here for your pleasure is what I said at that gig. Have you heard of a small town casino?

Barnaby Joyce. It's Barnaby Joyce in casino? Yes. Well, it's shit. And not just the town of casino. It's the people of casino that I don't know. I've met so... How many of you have been on the bus to Casino? There's not even a casino in that town. Can you believe that?

Nothing good happens on a bus. There was a lady sitting in front of me whose name was ***. And that's one of the many things I now know about ***. I know about several of the car accidents she's caused. She has a bad relationship with her father, a bad relationship with her brother. She loves her son, but she has a bad relationship with the father of that son.

The common thread is ***. Who was just a crazy person and was dropping all sorts of swears on the bus. It was *** this and *** that. She was going on and on. And then about, I don't know, as we were coming perpendicular to Byron Bay, an old Italian lady stood up and turned around

and said, can you please be quiet? And he said, oh yeah, absolutely. And just continued to talk at the same volume. It didn't matter at all. And then a man in front of me turned around and he said, that woman asked you to be quiet. There are kids on this bus and you're saying some inappropriate things. And in the following conversation, I wrote it down and I've committed it to memory

because it was the most beautiful. She said, you shut up, mate. And he said, pay some respect. Right? To which she said, do you think the world respects you, mate? To which he said, you've got to give respect to get respect.

And then she said, no. He said, just can you please be quiet she said you're just going through you're just on the bus taking you through somewhere else for the train casino's my town you show me the respect

he goes just please he's just de-escalating at this point. He goes, please, can you keep it down? At which point, she continues having a chat with the man next to her, who she doesn't know, across the aisle, and then she pivoted between threatening

that man and fun facts about casino. Seemingly at random, she was going, this man thinks I'm gonna forget about him I'm not gonna forget about him bad things happen when people cross me he'll forget about me and then I swear things will be happening then that's a great hot dog place there you can get bacon on a hot dog onion you can get egg if you want it they got all the different sources I sauces. I'm going to ruin that man's life.

Just as we were coming all the way into the casino. We finally got into the casino and she goes over to the guy. He's having a cigarette. She's also having a cigarette. Who would have thought that everyone on the bus

was a chain smoker? But she also had one of those f***ing pens. You know the ones that you crack, crack, crack, crack and you huff nicotine right into the back of the what are they called

wasn't a vape that's the what is it called it's called like a nicco pen or something she's half a step away from chewing snus

so she goes over to the guy and she I can't hear what she's saying because I've got her f***ed here and she's at half a distance and he just takes it

like a gentleman and she walks off and I make a And he just takes it like a gentleman. And she walks off. And I make a little face at the guy. And I'm trying to, it was this face. It was, I was trying to say, listen, you've dealt with that. You're a crazy person. Congratulations.

And then he said to me, he looked me dead in the eye. And he said, I could stab that c*** through the throat. What I was trying to do at that point was go, this is very embarrassing that you've said that. I said, well, it's not worth it, mate. And he said, I just got out of jail. I don't care if I go back in. I've got kids. And what she was saying to those kids wasn't right.

And I don't know what the moral of that story is. Thank you to the people at Stand Out Comedy for booking James at the gig and recording the show. Some procedural nitty gritty. I've got three things here. So number one. If you're looking for flexible workouts, Peloton's got you covered. Summer runs or playoff season meditations, whatever your vibe, Peloton has thousands of classes built to push you. We know how life goes.

New father, new routines, new locations. What matters is that you have something there to adapt with you, whether you need a challenge or rest. And Peloton has everything you need, whenever you need it. Find your push. Find your power. Peloton. Visit Peloton at onepeloton.ca. Is the mugs for the Patreon people. They will be coming to you soon. I'm on that promptly when I get back. All the people who have signed up in the last few days,

you can have mugs too. I have enough mugs for you. And I'll just, I'll just, as people join the Patreon, I'll just keep making mugs for them until I run out of mugs. I'll do some big warning if that happens. I can't imagine it's going to become a technical problem. Anyway, so mugs, getting on that very soon. Number two, upcoming shows, aforementioned Adelaide this Wednesday, this Wednesday in Adelaide. And also I'm doing two shows on the same night in Melbourne. That's

June 11. That's to make up for not being there for the Melbourne Comedy Festival. I'm doing two shows of aesthetic in Melbourne. It's going to be great. Now Zimbabwe, point number three. Act Guitar and I couldn't quite find a time that worked this week. It's been a very strange week, but that interview will be coming soon. So we build the anticipation there. And for affirmations, I'd really just like to say, I affirm that I am going to find a way to do comedy and this podcast that is less taxing on myself and my family. Because one cannot burn the candle at both ends, and one certainly cannot burn other people's candle at both ends.

Well, one can, but one simply mustn't. It's not a stable way to live. So I'm really going to try and figure out. And this podcast has been a great way of doing it, of building that wonderful cult so that I'll just be able to go and perform for you and come home and not do these long, brutal, 15-day, alone, nightmarish marathons. Although I suspect on the boat there'll be quite a lot of time away

from people as well. Maybe I'll just do day trips on the boat. Anyway, thank you for listening to the podcast, and I affirm that I'm going to find a way to make money doing comedy for my family and for myself in a way to make money doing comedy for my family and for myself in a way that's more stable and agreeable. And we're on that road. But hoolidooly, I'm a shell of a person.

If you're coming along, you know, this will come out after the show, but if you were at the show on Sunday, let me know if you thought, that's a man who seemed like just before the show he was saying he was a shell of a person or if I put on the mask and we kept up the elaborate ruse. Here's a song that I'm not sure if I've already put on this podcast or not because I've simply lost track. I love you.

Keep it real. Catamaran ho. Believe in yourself. I'm a shell of a man. Thank you again to Sam real. Catamaran ho. Believe in yourself. I'm a shell of a man. Thank you again to Sam Campbell for coming on the show. Thank you to all of you. Talk soon. And Wednesday.

Remember Wednesday. And Melbourne. All right, here's the song. Thank you. Thank you. Hey, it's Mitch from SideNote Podcast, and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 powered by Gemini. Anyone who knows me knows the Pixel has always been my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had. Now, with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant. Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails, I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help and bam, instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com.