The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Road Comic

Episode Date: September 7, 2025

Headline comedy shows on sale now:https://www.jdfmccann.com/gigsHOUSTON, TX - SEPTEMBER 16ST. LOUIS, MO - SEPTEMBER 19OMAHA, NE - SEPTEMBER 20SPRINGFIELD, MO - SEPTEMBER 25INDIANAPOLIS, IN - SEPTEMBER 26LAS VEGAS, NV - SEPTEMBER 30IRVINE, CA - OCTOBER 1LOS ANGELES, CA - OCTOBER 2BALTIMORE, MD - OCTOBER 10 - 11SPOKANE, WA - OCTOBER 15TACOMA, WA - OCTOBER 16DALLAS, TX - OCTOBER 18FORT WORTH, TX - OCTOBER 19OKLAHOMA CITY, OK - NOVEMBER 5TULSA, OK - NOVEMBER 6NASHVILLE, TN - NOVEMBER 14 - 15WASHINGTON D.C. - NOVEMBER 23Join the Patreon:https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccannCheck out Black Israelite:https://youtu.be/oawMfCMLkHUBuy the books:https://www.jdfmccann.com/books Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes-McCand-Catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.com. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, you'll, look, you'll find a way. Camelown home! Affirmation, I am going to get a studio.

I'm sick of not having a podcast studio for the James Donald Forbes-Bakant Catamaran plan. I record this podcast in loose moments, wherever I can find them. I've got to have this episode out tomorrow because the big special Black Israelite came out. It's done very, very well, half a million views. Thank you to everybody who's watched it. So we need an episode to gather all of the goodwill of all of those people who have watched it and they've been coming out regularly on Monday

it's important to do it regularly and there's no room in the house to do it and then I sit in the car and I try and do it in the car and that's just dreadful and it's raining and the only dry space that's semi interesting

is under the bridge downtown where I might be drawing some blood later on I don't know if this is what I have to do to get the studio, because all I have to do is have a conversation with somebody and say this time, this place, I can't bring myself to do it. I don't know why.

It seems uninteresting to me to have a studio. But for the near future to undertake the affirmation of eventually getting into a studio, I am just going I guess to continue putting myself in worse and worse podcast locations until I can't take it anymore. I don't know where I could go that would be worse than this. Perhaps I could go a little further down the freeway and do the podcast live from the homeless encampment. Black Israelite out now if you'd like to see me doing new jokes, you can.

to have you come and see me do stand-up comedy. I'm going to Houston very soon. I'm going all over the place. Let's have a moment having a robot voice. Read them and they can come up on the screen. Houston. September 16th, St. Louis. September 19th, Omaha, September 20th, Springfield, September 25th, and many more. Tickets on sale now. I'm going on tour. I can't wait to have you there. me on the tour. Well what else is going on at the moment? Life at home is actually a little better off. My wife had been unwell and I've been looking after the three kids all day every day for a while there but my wife's father has come

over. He's taking a nap right now in the one spare room so I've lost the spare room but I gladly give up the spare I gladly give up the spare room to have his help and assistance. It is a slow. dog raising these kids. I will say I am pleased with the reception of the comedy special. You never know how a comedy special is going to go, you know, there's a magic in the room. And maybe that's not replicated digitally, but I think this time it has. And I'm ever so blessed and grateful.

Also blessed and grateful for everyone buying the new book of poems, disquieting levels of egg entering Week number five, I believe, is the number one best-selling Australian book of poems. It's incredible how few poems you need to sell to be number one at it. I was so looking forward to... I really thought I'd go out to a field and stand on a beautiful hill. I recorded a whole introduction for the episode that was uplifting and positive, and I'll play that for you now. There is no mountain we cannot climb.

There is no river we cannot cross. All things are possible. This is the best of all possible worlds. I love you. We are all so beautiful and so special and have such tremendous value and dignity. But it didn't seem appropriate to open this podcast with that beautiful. introduction because I'm starting to feel I feel mad

I promised I wouldn't do another flip out episode I was driving around the car I was trying to figure out an interesting way to do the podcast from the car a new interesting fresh exciting way of doing the podcast from the car I tried clipping the camera to the steering wheel and that was not good I don't think I don't know how legal that is, and I'd felt dangerous when I did have to turn, so we won't be doing

that again. I'll tell you one nice thing about doing the podcast here. Hey, brother, one nice thing about doing the podcast here out on the freeway, hello, is that the noises outside of my head finally match the noises inside of my head. No, seriously, we've got to get rid of freeways. the automobile has done irrevocable damage to our society. I mean, how are we supposed to have a society when a man has trouble recording a podcast underneath and in between the busiest mode of transportation available? I'll give you an update on my football.

I mean, look, obviously the journey towards boat ownership is going well. We can get the Patreon is booming. Thank you to everybody for joining the Patreon, a Patreon that I record inside. That's a gift if you want me off of the streets and India Ears without having to look at a Honda, a Nissan, a Lexus, a Lexus, Alexis, and a Toyota, and a Chevy and a Honda, and what is that?

That's a Ford Bronco. I think that's the O.J. Simpson vehicle. Well, then you've got to get on the Patriot. I knew I was going somewhere. Oh yeah, anyway, there's a Patreon on the comedy special and whatever. But I really want to talk about Australian rules football. The Crowboys lost the first round of the finals against Collingwood, our hoodoo team. And I won't talk too much on that.

I don't want to get the boys in trouble. I don't want to cause a distraction. But look up the Isaac Rankin situation. So we've got to, you know, we call them finals. You Americans use the final is the final. than the playoffs. You would call it the playoffs. We got Hawthorne coming up. Hey brother, we got Hawthorne coming up. We got to crush Hawthorne. They'll have to be on the road twice, so we might get over them. Then we got to beat the cats. We get to play them at the MCG. That's

bet you don't want to play them at GMHPA, GIAQ, LBGTQIA plus stadium. Because they're good at home. So we've got to win those two games, and if we win them, then Isaac Rankin, our star player, is allowed to come back and play in the grand final. I can't tell you the extent that we're, you know, I mean, things are going well, but, you know, things start going well and you start the stress. And now I'm going, ah, I've got to sell tickets to Houston. Please come along to that Houston show. St. Louis! Don't forget to come along to St. Louis. It's fine

I was swimming I was feeling better because I was swimming and then I went swimming so much I got an ear infection and now they're asking me not to swim and that's a bother anyway

professional sport I'm clinging onto it for dear life and I know a lot of Hawthorne players coming into this next game they'll be hello Jules I know they'll be clinging on to it as well but I think I'm clinging more

and I don't, and they must be defeated. Come on, McRoy boys. Come on, how long have we been out here doing this for? Shit, hey, brother, what's happening? I'm James. James. Yes, McCain, yeah, nice to meet you. What was your name? Mysail.

Misail! I'm actually going to work right now, but I saw you, literally pulling up right here. Took a U-turn, there's a couple rounds. I'm like, is that him? Well, the fame has gotten to an uncomfortable point where I can't stand under a bridge anymore. But thank you for coming on the podcast. It is. Hello.

I didn't know we'd be getting an interview on the podcast. That's really lifted the tone. Frankly, I was having a bad time and I'm feeling much better. I'm going to check that the camera is still working again. But would you tell the people what you've got going on? What's going on? I'm going to work right now. I'm a bartender.

Strip to the back. Yeah, come through. See me. Curris girl in Hyde Park. I'll be there till 9 of 8. Margaritas, enchiladas, tacos. That's what I do. Really random.

Driving around. Tom McCain here. Turn around. I got to try to get a quick picture. I can't say how happy I am that you've joined us on the James Donald Ford's McCann-Catamaran plant. plan and you can take a picture if you want but also you can screenshot the episode if you like that'll be out tomorrow hey my man i really appreciate it god bless you hey did you did you yeah did you promote the bar yeah it's like down the street i can't wait i would love a big margarita

fan right there brother keep it real all right That was nice. Look, the career's gone well. The career's gone. I remember the days when I could scream in public and not be recognized. What a nice, that man endangered himself to come over here. I feel a little better about it now. I feel like I was being a little over the top.

That was feeling a little over the top. That was a woman who did not know who I was. That was elderly Hispanic woman. frowning. Well, I guess, you know, get in those comments. Don't forget to have engagement. Hey, get in the comments. Where would you like to see the James Donald Forbes-McCannat

Catamaran plan next? We'll be doing it again. We've got to sell those tickets in Houston. So feel free to, if they're somewhere in Houston, you think would be an exciting place, you can tell me. somewhere in Austin or just somewhere generic. I think I'm going to go to my friend Eve's second-hand computer store. Look, I can't complain about the successes.

I only complain about my personal weaknesses in dealing with and building on the successes. Like, we're doing well enough that people are reaching out to me asking to do ads. They're asking to buy ad space on the podcast. And the only two that they've asked is a gambling thing. And I gamble. I like gambling. I'll put some money on Isaac Rankin to win the Norm Smith medal. Sure.

But I don't want to be the face. I don't like the companies that do that. I don't like they're being advertising for gambling. I'm a gamble. But I don't, yeah, I don't want to be involved. And the other one was, I think it was like some masturbating software. Someone got in touch and said, hey, would you like to promote only fans, girls and masturbating software? And I'm apologies for not having responded to that, but, um, no.

I'm trying not to do that. Ah, I'm a victim of my own success. I probably couldn't even masturbate under this bridge anymore without being recognized. And you know what I say, as I've said, time immemorial, if you can't do it in public under a bridge, you shouldn't be doing it. And for a long time, there's a masturbating, that's out. Killing somebody? Only at night.

Oh, what I, football, I need football to get me through. And I wish I didn't, because, Professional sport I don't want to Nah If I start doing a big shoddy rant Now Under the bridge

Then it does start to make me look like a crazy person I think the funny thing The funny thing Would be to do an erudite And measured critique Under the Bridge What would have been really funny Would have been to not mention being

Under the Bridge Maybe actually That's not about I mean this is safer than I thought it would be I don't know if it's dangerous for traffic. I don't see any signs saying I'm not allowed to be here. Yeah, we get a couple of chairs. We get a guest.

We get someone to stand by the camera. That's my biggest fear at the moment is that the camera is stolen. I mean, maybe the audio doesn't work. Maybe it's not visually compelling. But wouldn't that, I mean, that'd be something, wouldn't it? Is it dangerous, do you think, for the drive? I feel like I'm increasingly feeling like, it's dangerous for the drivers and I don't want to do that.

When I got here, I was in a big upswing and I thought, ah, it's the only dangerous to myself. But increasingly, I think this might be a danger to those around me. Well, maybe we do the last 10 minutes of the podcast somewhere else. Hello, dear listener. Here I am back again, now sitting in my car. and I just went for a shop in a new kind of supermarket. I've never been to one of these Hispanic supermarkets before, but I have now.

I'm eating an ice cream that I purchased at the supermarket. I must say, have you ever had a little crisis? We've been a little upset. Here's what I'd recommend. You go to a supermarket the kind you've never seen before. You know, it's quite depressing to go to a supermarket It's different from the one you know But, you know, Coles, Woolworth's, H-G-B, pigly-wiggly

And it's depressing, you know, you go to one you've never been to before But then it's the same and slightly different, it's uncanny But going to a supermarket That kind you've never been to before I've never been to a fiesta Everything was so new And so exciting So many different things

I bought myself an ice cream And well may you say yourself, James, why wouldn't you, you know, oh, well and good, Jimmy, oh, well, and good to have the ice cream. But why wouldn't you have the ice cream and then do the podcast? And to that, I say, it's out of a spirit of generosity, dear listener, for I am so excited to share my ice cream with you. you know what they say an ice cream shared is an ice cream halved that's very upsetting

I want all of the ice cream but an ice cream listened to that's something everybody can enjoy I'm back on the ice cream by the way don't worry about me my body

has fixed I wouldn't have months ago if I didn't this ice cream I would of mid-ice cream, you know, had a terrible bowel crisis. But after much kombucha of the last year and yogurt, which is without lactose, I found there was sauerkraut involved in small amounts of milk.

Getting to bigger and bigger amounts of milk, I believe I've remedied whatever ailed me. so if you are lactose intolerant you know believe there is a way forward you know cardio of the gut get back

oh I'm up to the waffle cone part of this ice cream what a very fine ice cream it is mm-mm-mm-mm-mm no things are all right things were pretty stretchy there for a while I'll be honest with you

I did this trip to New York Oh, maybe I should finish the ice cream Maybe it's not cool To do the podcast, now Wow, look in for a penny In for a pound Hey, you shoot in the new episode of Jamesville, Philipsman, can't cat a ramp plan?

Nah, man, what happened? He shouted in a freeway for 15 minutes And he recorded himself eating an ice cream Oh wow, is it good? Ah Sounds better than it was Much unlike this ice cream Which sounds

Ooh Yeah, I can't force it, but I'm really enjoying it I'm most dumb Almost done Well, we'll do some current events Shall we? We were going to do... I was trying to do current events

so that people felt they were you know in the news cycle and they were learning something while the podcast was happening. Here we go. Current events. The United States has opened broadcasters. Oh, right. Mmm.

The US Open wants broadcasters not to have booze of Trump. He wants to go to the tennis, but doesn't want people booing him. Hmm. Hmm. Yeah. I mean, tennis is going to be a rough one for Don. It's a lot of highfalutin Dems in New York City.

Because they don't worry about him getting booed at the college football today. Oh. What a nice little treat that is down the bottom of the drumstick. Oh. Chocolate. Waffle. Ending at a point. two lines

meeting at a point now if you eat that point it just explodes out into satisfaction shadowed by regret as an ice cream yeah we don't need any of it

we don't need any of that anyway thus concludes both the ice cream and this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan and I hope you have a beautiful day and if you haven't seen Black Israel as well as you can and new book poems, new song, yeah, new songs being worked on. Lots of tour dates coming up.

And, oh, I've got some big plans. Don't ask me what they are. Because they're in the subconscious. And I couldn't articulate them if I tried my very, very artist. But I have faith that they're there. God bless you, God keep you. I want you, I miss you, I love you, I need you. Catamaran Ho.

Goodbye. Thank you.