The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - S2 Ep13: Shane Gillis in conversation | JDFMCP S2EP#13

Episode Date: May 20, 2026

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Start your free trial today. That would be a real gift. I came home last night and you picked. that I'd had a bad set within 15 seconds. Yeah, you weren't being friendly at all. You're being a rotten. Am I on? Can you hear my microphone?

Say woo? Woo. Hello. Hold that up. I think that'll be good. I was rotten and I feel bad for being rotten. I apologize. Oh, that's okay.

I tried to hide it. I didn't think she knew. No one else would know. It's odd when you come off after the show and everyone's being very, everyone's going, man, that was great. Even CJ is a Creole at the club, lovely fellow. And he's so down on himself, but he kind of, He kind of, when he comes off stage, he goes, I want to fucking kill myself.

I'm dead. But then he comes back off stage. He goes, come on, man, get on my level. It's all good. Shut up. I've got to be nicer about it. If it's after the headliner's on for an hour. Yeah.

He probably had to drink or two. If he drinks, I don't know if he does. He probably started to feel good. He started to feel good. I can get over a mediocre set. It takes about 20 to 30 minutes. Well, you have anger. I can't do that.

I've seen you, when there's a talker in the crowd, you'll come back and you'll be anger for, you'll have real anger course through it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then it's like you've, it's like a gift. It's like a drug. The anger really helps. The anger is nice, I think.

It's sure, you go, fuck that guy! And then you're pretty much good for the rest of the evening. Like I could scream in the first five minutes. Yeah. And I'll hang on to it until I get off stage. After, it doesn't matter how good the show was. I'll get off.

You hear that fucking idiot yell out. And then piece of shit. I've seen it. I've seen it. You come off and people are going, that was great. And you go, you wonder.

No, it wasn't. You don't understand because you're an idiot. That's how I feel every day. But maybe you have to feel like that to get better. I tell myself that. But then there are so many people who also tell themselves that who suck. Being unhappy is not a predictor for success. For sure. And there's a lot of really good comics that are extremely confident in themselves. I don't know. I don't understand. Camel Nangiani looks like a man who's very happy with what he's putting out there. He seems comedy. I think Kevin Hart. Kevin Hart's probably pretty confident. He does seem happy. Yeah. You're preparing for the...

is confident. Chappelle's very confident. Sheppel is taken aback. It's maybe a black thing. Louis's not. Yes, it might be black people can be confident and white people are not allowed. No, there's some white confidence. Who the...

I think Schultz is confident. Although I do know Schultz would hold himself accountable if he had a bad set. I would say that he would be inspired by the... African-American community. The urban community? I mean, I wonder about it. It would be nice to be confident. Yeah, I'm trying my best right now.

I'm literally like that's something I need to do. Well, let me ask you about this. Because when you present on the SNL or the... Yeah. You do the unconfident. It's almost a schick. I know it's also partly who you are. It's a real thing.

That's me being myself entirely. Yeah. But you're being... I mean, everybody also feels that way and then they pretend not to feel that way. Yeah. So the schick is to be yourself. Yes. Which is funny.

But you're about to host a big... I know. And they're telling me everybody, like my friends are like, Like, all right, let's not do the fucking pretend to be bashful thing. Like, let's actually fucking host. And I don't know if I'm capable. Have you been working on it in the mirror? I haven't at all.

I won't do it until I walk out. Ladies and gentlemen of the Kia Center. Yeah. We're in Englewood. Woo! Guys, this is a roast. This is going to get crazy. Engle wouldn't.

Yeah. I wish I could write one joke for you for this roast, but I can't help at all. I can't. I mean, the guys who, also, that's the other thing. I'd like to hopefully during the show point out who the writers are because no one on these fucking shows is writing their own joke. I know Tony is. I'm sure Jay is.

I'm going to get like two jokes in that I wrote, but for the most part, I'm just going to change whatever jokes were written for me. Kevin was very good last year about having a joke that he would have to have been prepared. Yeah. And really making it look like it was current. Yeah.

Like that thing where Drew gets off stage and he goes, I don't remember Drew's last. He goes, you know, I was just thinking when he was up there, Drew looks like a Walgreens picture in a frame. He might have come up with that. He might have looked like he came up with it. Yeah. I thought, that's a very specific. No, it's going to be very clear that I'm reading these jokes.

In fact, I might, instead of using the teleprompter, get, print them out and look straight down off of a podium and read them. This is your dream always to have pieces of paper. Piece of paper really help. If it's a joke I don't fucking know, if somebody else wrote it, I won't remember it. think you had the best short of norm who's playing with the form in a big way you have my favorite roast uh which is the louis j gomez roast but that you're also hosting this one so it's not with that one you could come out and really like play against i know this i have to this is a harder job this i didn't even think about it when they asked me to do it i was like yeah i'll just read

fucking jokes off a piece of paper and then it's you i'm coming to the realization that i have to fucking ham it up which is which is what i usually do on easter i just i just like that that's the scary thing is the thing that actually there are 5,000 men right now who could very confidently go Englewood. It's so good to be. It's not a difficult skill. That's the easy I think that's embarrassing. It terrifies you. It's so fucking lame to walk out. Like no matter where you're like to be like, oh, Charlotte, how are we feeling tonight? Oh man, I'm so excited to be here. We got such a good shit. It's like, why does that, why do you, why do you hate that more than anyone I know? It's phony. It's, no, but there's a lot of funny things in the world.

But you really, it's gotten into me. It's changed who I am and how I present on stage. It lives in my brain. You still wearing goofy outfits? I bought Shaq's coat. I bought a Shaq brand coat. That's pretty sick. Yes.

I think you can wear goofy outfits. I'll take that back. No, I know. I thought there was good, you know, we don't dress funny. We are funny. Well, that's gay. Don't tell everybody I said that. That was a couple drinks.

That was you and me sitting at a bar. That doesn't count. It's the last tweet jacket I ever wore opening for shank. Yeah, don't fucking dress like a clown, dude. Gove to fucking talk about jacket off. I remember the first time that I ever, I went out to a comedy competition, and I really believed in the week beforehand

I would wear two ties. I just thought that would, and then the day of, I went, ah, fuck, I'm doing that. But I really, you get a psychosis or something. Yeah, something happens where you're like, I should wear this. One of the first open mics I ever did, I wore a blade, I'll never forget it. I wore a V-neck t-shirt.

No way. And I wore a. blazer with jeans. In just the Harrisburg comedy zone open mic. I dressed like I was... There's nothing wrong with that. It's so embarrassing. No, that was the look.

In Harrisburg, in the... I went into my dad's closet and stole a blazer and went to the comedy zone. How old were you? That's probably 22. That is... 23. It's old enough to know better.

Yeah. I was 17. I wish I hadn't started then. I wish I'd... People say that. I don't know. Well, got me. I could have gone to nightclubs. I never went, I never had that thing of being young and going dancing. I could have, but I just...

Young and dancing? You know, I just think of young people dancing. I was never fucking young and dancing. I was just morose at a comedy club. Yeah. Being nasty to people. Oh, okay. You mean you wish you spent those years doing something?

My first group of people I socialized with after school was the company saying. Yeah, that makes sense. Comedians are, it's a weird group to be friends with your whole life. It's, well, I remember everyone. started out with. And increasingly, they remember me. Oh, they remember. Oh, they forgot me for a while, but let me tell you.

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Yeah. We got to get the Aussies into this. The Aussie numbers up? Yeah, you get the Aussies. People I've seen now when I read the comments online, which is every single day, I see people It's just something that Ozies

When I say something nasty about Australia People will go This guy's never even Fucking been on Australian Television We'll never see him And people have started to say

He must be a plant He's come out of nowhere He's a fucking can't It's fine It's fine I think I'm accused Of being a communist And pro and anti-Jew

I don't know what I said on Rogan But I've got to stop paying attention To it The scrutiny is silly What's nice about going on your podcast is all the dogs are very supportive.

They are supportive. You know? Yeah. Not everyone has an audience of exclusively. I mean, I went on the Adam Friedland show and I've called gay and all sorts of horrible. Well, yeah. That happens on every fucking thing. Some people have a fan base that is, you know, they're angry or ironic, but I don't

know how you've done it. I don't know how you built in the in-jokes over time. It looks like everyone's just having fun and having a nice easy time. Matt and Shane's secret podcast. I've stayed off the Reddit. You've stayed, I haven't looked at that in so long. It's been over a year.

I don't look at that. I do, I actually remember the four months ago. That's a negative one. No, you had a break. Which one was it? You had one night where you said, oh yeah, yeah, yeah.

I think it was like, it was like 3 a.m. I think I was drunk before I went to sleep. Just reading Reddit, like fuck this guy, piece of shit. You're not attached to the next girlfriend. You're getting on Reddit to say what a man in the Midwest has to say about you. Yeah, it turns out I suck. Now it's time to go to bed.

No, the one, the one time I tried to jack off and because they don't have porn hub here. I tried to jack off and I use Reddit because I was like, I heard there's porn on Reddit. So I was laying down to jack off and I opened Reddit and the first thing I saw was just like, does anyone else know Shane fucking sucks

lately? His new shit sucks. Fuck him. Did that make the erection go away or? It did momentarily, but I worked around it. I found I went on to a different website. I still jacked off, but then after I jacked off, I was like that fucking piece of shit said I

As soon as I came, I went right back to like, fucking I'm working, dude, it's hard. I did a show in Melbourne just before I came over, and I put out, it's a new show. It was called New Show, Probably Bad. But the club did not properly, that didn't call it that. They just hit that in the description. And I got a couple people writing to me going, what the fuck are you doing? I'm sorry, you can't. I'm sorry.

I'm wasted my fucking talk, you fucking can. Also, I can't, when I'm doing those shows, I can't just stand there and go, this is bad. I'm sorry. You can say that once. You can have one whoopsie daisy. I won't say that again. But if you say it a second time, well, suddenly you're a New York comic

and it's time to stop. I don't know. What is that? I'm being nasty. I'm being nasty. Why you being nasty about New York comics? Because I resent not being able to be one. Yeah.

I think they have a beautiful stranger. I mean, imagine that, childless in a little apartment, zipping around to all the clubs. Yeah. Oh, you daydream of that. I love my family. You wish your family disappeared.

I go, why didn't I take my wife? to go and move to New York when we were 25. Yeah. And then we could be, you know, we could struggle with children in New York now. You can't have kids and move to New York. It's a crazy, in the city. It's insane. Yeah, I know.

No one does that. I see no children in Manhattan. Sometimes one baby. But as soon as a child is three or four years old, they've got to get out of you. Yeah, you're got to get out of you. It's no place to raise a child. You get a weird kid if they grow up in Manhattan. I don't know if you've ever met those kids.

I've met a couple of them. They're very weird. There was a man. that we met in New York last time we were there who's a comedian. He was very funny. He was very loud. Do you know who I'm talking about?

I think he might have been Hispanic. He was talking shit on Astoria going, no one ever moves there from New York. But he was like, his whole thing was that he had to become successful enough. Oh, was it Ricky Villas? Yes. Yeah. But he was very funny.

He went on an impassioned speech about how he was now, he would just keep working to earn enough money to stay in his neighborhood. And that he would have another child. but he would have to win another million dollars next year because he wasn't moving. It's like this is at some point, I don't think, New York is killing you. New York is going to kill this man. Yeah, probably.

I miss it. I'm going to go back for a while. I'm pretty excited about that. I really loved it being there. New York's, New York, the comedy sellers just, and the stand, those two are just, it's fun. You can get a lot of bad sets there, which is nice. People are funny? I mean, the people are good, yeah.

really felt like the standard of the the comedians are working pretty hard there yeah yeah yeah and then you to get to travel from there so i mean you've gotten to see i don't think this is this is a weird thing of meeting the comedians in america is that there's nowhere i go that people haven't been and don't have a strange story yeah they're there yeah they know the club there yeah they know the yeah that is a weird thing the man who owns that club he's got a problem yeah yeah yeah going to any city and being like i've been here i'm like i'd like to go to this bar a restaurant in this like i know yeah it's crazy to know every fucking city they know the people who are problems they know i mean women must have a whole other set of things that they say yeah

talk to each other sky there's an ober in that town you don't watch out for that over he's gonna go for it i do i like the i'll get down to that one day i'll won't be allowed to do the nice rooms anymore and i'll get to come down and do the small town yeah i'm looking forward to that I say that too And I don't believe it I think Well because it'll be ad mixed With the embarrassment

Of having to do it I think coming back to the Yeah there's a party That's like maybe by then I won't have an ego Yeah There's no shot I'm gonna go back and do clothes

And just be like I don't give a fuck dude Fuck this Well I I think a lot about the Chappelle We moved back to Australia Four months ago Oh so you think you're on your

Like Chappelle thing What's like I just kind of imagine What he fucking did Because at the time It was like Where his career was going fine and what's what's 20 million dollars now or then and now I think about it's like all I did was go home for four months and I'm in my head I've lost like 30,000 dollars by going I feel like the small lobster I walk around my neighborhood going I'm the lobster that lost to fight I've got to fix my brain I can't imagine why why do you think that that's I just don't get it you can do stand up in Australia it's it's so it was very nice coming back the audience is different

Sure, but you've did, yeah. I can do it there. But that's good to, it's good to have those audiences like you too. You've got to have your own people primarily. No. Chris Rock says this. It's like if your own people don't like it, there's something wrong. Well, yeah, if your own people don't like you.

Oh, you mean Australia. I mean Australians, yeah. That didn't mean white people. I thought you meant your own crowd. Oh, no, the own crowd is fine. But I mean, Australians in general. But then I get there and I just start talking about Australia. I feel a sense of futility in developing.

a new hour about Australia. I'm going to come here and say, you know when Anthony Albanesey's wearing a new hat? Yeah, but you got enough that we can relate to. You got enough. You got the guy who's,

but I ain't going to talk about it. There's another man's been ripped apart by crocodile. He didn't laugh at all. What? I played that on Joe Rogan. He didn't laugh. Oh, it's so funny. Bring up those crocodile stats.

Yeah, he's going to want to see this. Yeah. But no, he's quality. Pauline Hansen is doing. very well at the moment. She's a red-headed lady who are, she's our right-wing populist. She was sent to prison for a time and then went on dancing with the stars and has worked hard. So you guys have a lady Trump? We have, I think, well, she's not from wealth like Trump. She used to be a fish and chip shop owner. And now Vietnamese people run her fish and chip shop.

That's hard for her. She used to be anti-Asian. Now she's anti-Muslim. Okay. Yes. She, uh, man, the Pauline moments. She's doing really well. She's like polling it now. She's maybe the biggest party in the country. And she talks like the, how my point, the big thing, the buzz was someone going, I'm going, I'm going to talk about it. Someone goes, are you xenophobic? And she just stares down the barrel for 10 seconds and goes, please explain. She's nice. She seems, you know, we'll find out. It's odd. I had, America had a nice, like, the Republicans just went quiet for a while when they said Trump. I was going to let Trump run the Republican Party. And there's like, there's a, there's a

temporary peace where they'll figure out once i think once trump's gone people will figure out what the new calibration is of politics yeah at the moment it feels like nobody really i think they're gonna probably run somebody they're gonna try another trump like from maga like another charismatic so it'll be not not charismatic i mean it'll be from trump so it'll be like jd vance or marco rubio or somebody like that yeah and they're probably going to lose the election to a democrat this time and then I think the Republican Party can move on from MAGA. Yeah. That's what I would do.

What kind of Democrat? Like who is the Democrat? Fucking Gavin Newsomers, somebody like that. This is odd because people go, someone like Gavin Newsom. I don't think it can be Gavin Newsom. Maybe it can. Could be. They just every $20 billion in a railroad that doesn't exist,

Skid Row is twice the size it used to be. His hair looks weird. They don't care. And fruity? It doesn't matter. as long as it's not Trump. Yeah.

It won't matter. Both candidates will suck dick. Yeah. Yeah. I remember those first Trump speeches. It was so... 2016, Trump? Yeah.

Because I was watching all of them at the time from Australia. I'd never been to America. Yeah. And I would just watch the Ted Cruz ones and I'd go, he's pretty good, but he looks weird in those boots. The boots looked too big for him. Marco was small. The Jeff didn't have it. Get rid of them.

Get rid of all these guys. Ted Cruz? Yeah, bro. He's got a dog. Do you watch him on that fucking Tucker Carlson? Yeah, it was bizarre. It's fucking weird, dude. The Israel stuff.

Huckabee's a fucking weirdo. All these guys are weird. Yeah, there is a creepy quality of everybody. I don't know what it is. I don't know why people can't. I mean, maybe I would have it. Maybe anyone would have it if they're in the spotlight. I don't know.

Look, you're 38, Shane. What? What are you 38? Yeah. It's time. You think it's time for me to get into politics? Get you up on that stage. Yeah, it's time for me to get shot.

It's time for me to get my head blown off. I think you could do it. You wouldn't do the debate? Yeah, but it would be, even just as a, you know. A debate would be nice. You'd do a few rounds of debates. That are definitely... I could at least do some debates.

Just do some debates. Just do some debates. See what happens. That's all I'm saying. I, and you know what? America is funny enough that they would do that. I'd get enough because you have to have a certain amount of votes to get on the stage for a debate. You just start out.

10, 12% that's enough. You're on the good debate. I think 10% of America would understand that it would be funny to get me on. the stage. You just don't want to be in the small debate. I don't want to keep going. You don't want to keep going. It would be exactly what happened to Trump where he just kept winning because he was funny.

You could fit him out. Yeah, I would have to fed him out. Yeah. Yeah. I think you should, at some point, you've got to consider it. We just need factories, James. This is the kind of talk with you. People don't understand that I'm a bit of a, a bit of a socialist.

Well, socialism to nationalist ends. Sure. We just, look, dude. Let's get some factories going again. What's in the factory? You know what I'm talking about. I do. You talk about wooden chairs.

We need to make a wooden chair factory. I just love that that's your go-to. Well, I want it to be sustainable and I don't want to export or import fucking bullshit. Yeah. So it's an anti-Chinese. Yeah. I'm going to help whoever works at this factory, they're going to get a good wage in health care. And we're going to get a nice.

So I'm from Pennsylvania where all the factories died. And I watched them die as a young man. It would be funny if you bought now. you took all your money from entertainment and you bought Bethlehem steel off we can bring back steel yeah that's funny my dumb face it was uh my friend eve came over last night to watch the football yeah you were very kind and yeah so they could come over and um but her car she figured out what was wrong with the car but every time she turned the car off it started the horn was going and she later found out that the uh the button the panic button was stuck on the remote on the key remote

I could have got that. But she thought you could take the whole hybrid battery out because you play a mechanic on television. She said, I don't know. He knows about this. He said it's on TV. I don't know a single thing about cars.

I wasn't trying to talk you down. No, it was fair. But you were being rotten. I knew you were being rotten. I knew you were being rotten. Based on that right away. You're like, you fucking. I don't know how to fix it.

I don't know what to. You fucking idiot. He works. It's a shard. You dumb bitch, cut. Yeah, I'm being rude to ever.

I was rude to ever. Oh, man. You're a bit of a diva now. Come on. Gines. The Catamaran plan took off now. You're a bit of a diva. Not a diva.

You've had diva in you for a long time. I've wanted so hard to be a diva. If your career keeps going at this rate, you're going to be a real problem. Well, I'm glad I've taken a step back, just to normalize. I think it'll help. Go away for a little while. It makes people want you back. I want you back.

People, you know. You seem to not, you seem like the Australians don't like you. I think they would love you. No, people are great. Yeah. I, the industry there has even started to, I had people from TV come on the podcast. I couldn't believe it.

That's great. Also, who does it fuck about the industry? I know, it's dying and it's odd. It doesn't matter. It's weird being in a, you get rejected by people for 10 years and you have some feelings. Oh, I get it. I'm the same way.

Yeah. Like, with that, like, it's like you still want to be a part of it, but it's like you can. I mean, people could have said to you, you know, fuck SNL, don't worry about it. And you go, no, it's actually still cool. It's still cool to get to go on. It is cool to be able to host that.

I mean, I thought when you went on there, that was the most impressive. Thanks, man. I was really moved by it. Thank you. I think I hugged you and told you you'd saved Western civilization. That was the one Louis, Louis called me the next day, and I wept publicly. It felt like America was ill. He literally called to be like, I love you.

It made me love stand up. It made me happy. It made me happy for myself. And I was eating in a hotel bar. And I just started, I was like, dude, you got to stop. I'm crying, man. Oh, Temptation Island. I'd like to watch that.

Look at these hunks and they're about to fuck chicks. Who would have thought? All those hunks and only one lady? I hope there's more than one lady because that's fucking crazy, dude. It's a lot. It's a lot to look at. They just put pornography on that. Don't get me stuck.

Have you ever seen the one where they, I've only seen clips of it? I think it's a foreign show, but it's like you test. your relationship, you and your girlfriend go with other couples. The temptation island. Something like that. It's always on an island. Well, they go out and then the fucking boyfriend watches a video of his, a live feed of his girlfriend getting fucked by one of the other guys.

They don't do the sex. They show the sex. They do. And the guy, like, sprints down the beach to the other villa. Like, in the middle of the night, he runs crying. He's like, no. It's really evil. Wow.

There was a UK show called The Sex, It was called The Box. The sex box and a couple would have, I guess two strangers would meet up and they'd have sex in a kind of box and then they'd come out and talk about the, so that would be a big studio audience and they'd have to talk about the sex. They wouldn't show the sex, but they'd come out of the box. This is the sort of, these are all British shows. These are at Love Island. This is all based out of a British compulsion. Yeah, what are they up to? Why are they being fucking weirdos? They have the decline of empire. They have nothing left. All they have is they're odds. They have no, you know, we don't do that in Australia. We have a little. we let disabled people go on a classy date together. You guys have class. That is a great show. Hey. It's film on Netflix.

Class. Dedrick's doing very well. And Heidi's bursting out of that top. Yeah, that's exciting for everybody. Every time I'm back, there's a new, once every six months there's a new famous person through Kiltani. Yeah. It's nice that they're doing it. What else is happening?

What's going on? I got nothing. I'm exhausted. Oh, that's okay. Yeah, I'm a little tired. This is nice, just a little sleepy pod. Yeah. Take a nap. Join the Patreon on. Take a nap. I have to resist the urge to nap because the, uh, the jet lag. My rhythms. Yeah. I just always think I'm having a risk. Fucking crowboys blew it last night. I got fucking smashed.

Dude, at the bottom of the fucking table. Somewhere in the middle. Somewhere in the middle. Below the middle. And there's more, there's more teams. There's more spots in the finals this year because. How many teams make the finals? Ten. There's a, the wild cup. Oh, all right. But the captain's brother committed suicide and everyone's feeling a little weird about it.

And all these players are coming out and going, get your arm around him, but it doesn't help you play good football. You know? Obviously, the heart goes out. It's a terrible thing that's happening. Yeah, that's awful. What else you got, Jane? What would you be talking about if I wasn't here? Well, at some point, I want to get you to do the Civil War one.

I will do that. I've talked about it for a while. I'll just do it eventually. The beginning of the Civil War. The United States of America. No, no, no, no. This is what you did to Louis. This is my plan.

Yeah. I mean, industrialisation had begun in the north some time previously, and slavery was no longer a key component to their economy. But the South was having to pay for it. Oh, okay. So you're taking the Southern side of it? No, no, no, no, no. You took the cynics. You got me about four books on it, and Shelby Foot was the best one.

Yeah. That is the one that I read. Yeah, Shelby Foote's a Southern sympathizer. It's unbelievable that he's getting away with it. Yeah. Everything in that, I don't know how much of it you put in the, yeah, but when he's really talking about the ape-like qualities of Abraham Lincoln,

just didn't know, all the Southern generals are so handsome. Abe Lincoln deformed in his height. Yeah, he did not like the North, but I don't know. You look into it, it's exciting stuff. The lead up to the Civil War is nice. John Brown out there going nuts. You love John Brown. I...

You bring up John Brown for a lunatic. It's crazy that he was right. Yeah. That he did spark the fucking civil war. Running into. Yeah. Don't have slaves. It's a sin against God.

I agree. And he was said, you guys better fucking stop. Or me and my retarded sons are going to come in with some machetes and fucking kill you. And then, yeah, I think it was just impressive that he actually sparked the civil war. Because the northern papers were a little sympathetic to him.

And the southern people were like, what the fuck? You guys are actually cool with this? And it really divided the country. Well, this is, I mean, Charlie Kirk getting shot and the amount of people who care, I couldn't believe, now this is a different, that's obviously a bad cause. I could not believe the amount of people who were coming out and going. What's the bad cause?

Kippe. Killing Charlie Kirk was a bad cause. Oh, yeah, yeah. The CEO is maybe a closer one where people came out and went. The CEO, I think, is closer. But people are ready to have assassinations. Assassinations, no problem. Last night.

We all had a good laugh about it. The whole country went. Man, that's nothing. No one cared. It's the fourth time. No one cared. Somebody ran into the fucking correspondence dinner with a gun. No one, literally no one gives a fuck.

It doesn't feel as bad. Also, there was no good photo opportunity. I really wanted to host that, by the way. You wanted that job? I wanted that job before the last couple years. But God had a plan for you. He saved you from a embarrassing video of being on stage and screaming. Because the guy didn't make it past fucking.

And he got through the metal detectors and got fucking lit up. How did he get through? He just sprinted through. Is he still alive? Right. Yeah. Yeah. I think they, I don't know.

Well, I can't wait to hear no answers about that forever. Yeah, yeah. Every one of these, we're never going to open this man's phone. We'll never know why he did it, ever. No. We were watching Fox News this morning and they're trying to blame the Democrats and go, he gave $25 to Kamala. Yeah.

I mean. They're going to blame the Democrats. But then also that other guy that we've never seen just hopped on and was like, yeah, it's because he took a train and you don't have to, check baggage or security on a train. They're just going to pass a fucking law that we have to, which they probably should. I think they give one and they take one away.

Seems to be there. You know, like they, you're allowed to have your shoes back now. It was important that you get somebody. Somebody's going to fuck that up. But the shoes came back on when they said the ID needs to be real ID.

You've got to go and get a new ID, but we're giving you your shoes back. They know there's an equilibrium of how much they can ask you to deal with. Yeah. I wish there should be an, all right. Nah, this is a bad. I like it. Give a shot. Give us an airline where there's no security, okay?

Just, and you want to, you want to risk it. Ain't that cold spirit airline? You're right. That is it. Frontier safety. Yeah, security list. I don't know. I don't mind it. Get them on there. I'm not free about the train and the bus. I'll never have to ride the bus in America again. God willing, I hope, but I kind of miss it.

I'm about to drive. I'm about, I fly off. next week. I'm flying off on Tuesday. I'm going to Albuquerque. That'll be nice. And I do the drive to Phoenix, which is, I believe, the most beautiful drive I've ever done. I've done it twice. Yeah. I adore it. And then, uh, but I'm going to come down. I'm not going to get to see Alpine, Arizona. I love that. That part's sick. I couldn't believe there was lush green beautiful. I drove from Salt Lake down to the bottom of Arizona. It was great. It's so weird. Those four states, I don't know if there's a name for them.

What are they called the four states, but there's just like one city in each of the You've got Salt Lake City, you got Phoenix, you got Denver. Denver. And that's it. Yeah. All of them are an eight-hour drive away from anything else in the whole world. But they're all gorgeous. And then what?

San Diego. I've got to do. I'm doing 50 shows. America's loveliest town. What's it called? Yeah, it's the best. San Diego's really fucking awesome. Like San Diego.

I like the Orange County. I got to go there. Yeah. I thought this is so beautiful. It would be great if there was some way to just. You know what I've noticed. All the hot chicks on Instagram are from fucking Australia. There was a Sam Chris article about this recently.

What's going on? They all look the same. They all look glossy and they look like if you cut them open, it works for me. Every time I look at Instagram, I go, who the fuck's this lady? Where's she? Where's she has? I got a fucking gold coast.

Oh, the gold coast is a real hot. Every single time. Yeah. I'm getting good. I'm getting so good at knowing a chicks from Australia. It's like, you ever played Geogessor? I can look at the background of a hot chick's Instagram and be like, yep, Nashville. Yep, Australia.

England, that's a tough one. Well, it is nice being, I think the men in Australia, you pointed this out earlier, you did a bit about Bailey Smith, who, what a career he's had since you've left the country. How's he doing? Not great? He's so handsome and so charismatic that there is no rule they won't tweak to allow him to be an active cocaine user slash AFL. Like everybody else, it would be the end of the career.

Little blow, little doggies. Every time he fails a drug test, they go, Bailey's having some hamishers. hamstring awareness this week so he won't be able he's had an issue of the nose now he's doing well he's planned but yeah i didn't i didn't see those babes when i was in australia i feel much more attractive being in america as a fellow the fellas the fellas the fellas in australia fucking absurd well there's not much to do what's going on what's going to make yourself look great you know if you don't read you'd better be at that gym you'd be pumping iron they're just outside and hot i'm gonna say this because i'm never saying this on stage planet fitness if you're

like to get extra people in it's called the black membership I can't believe it. That's crazy. Yeah, they've... I think I have to work out. You've lost maybe 20 pounds. Yeah, yeah. Well, I was at an all-time high. I was going nuts. For about a year and a half there, the wheels flew off. I don't know how you... I mean, you work out, you go into the gym. I just don't...

There's no food in the house. Chug beers as much. Why were you angry that I brought raisin brand into the home? I wasn't angry. It was just funny. You brought it up. Right when I walked in, I was like, oh man, whoever's staying in my house is really moving in. They're getting groceries. Get the fuck out of here for a couple of days.

I didn't know how long you were staying. So I walked in and saw groceries and I was like, man, people are really taking some liberties here. I was the first thing I did at 6 a.m. I couldn't. When I came home from a very long week, Lamar had one of his friends staying over. Yes. Who stayed here for several days. And the first day back, I was like so dead from that trip.

And I just had to talk to this. He's a nice guy. And I was friends with him. Like we were good friends in Philly. But, you know, I don't want to fucking catch up with somebody with small talk in my fucking living room. Yeah. And it's just Lamar is inviting a friend. I don't know.

Whatever. No, you get social. I mean, you've got a bigger social battery than I do. Because after the show, you go out and you keep meeting people and you're happy to do it. Yeah. But I got a thimble. I'm done. I was saying this last night, I had done too much seeing people and too many shows.

And I could not look the audience in the eye anymore. Yeah. Drainning. I don't know how you, you, no, you've managed to go and go more than anyone I've met.

Thanks. You still meet people after the show. Yeah. Say what's up. No, because it's the right thing to do. It's the right thing to do.

It's the right thing to do. These people pay to come see you. Yeah. It's nice to go. Hey, what's up? I feel like I'm disappointing people. I feel like I've got,

oh, yeah. Well, no, I'm going to be a boring guy. I still feel like that. But. I don't know how you,

well, I wanted to ask you about success, but it feels, weak and silly but you're prudent you're very prudent you're I'll tell you about it

it doesn't really change much no not like that you think you'd feel better you don't not like that then you've achieved all the things you wanted to achieve and you go

fuck I thought this was going to make me feel better but that you did achieve them and that there would be I just see people over and over again smashing into obstacles and I think about the time in my life before I met you and what I now would recognize

as being big mistakes that I had made to fuck up my life. Like being rude to people on purpose in the, because I thought that that would make me a more, you know, keeping it real type operator. I did that. That happened. You stopped doing that. Yeah.

Yeah, you realize that that. You really know how to treat people. Really makes you look like a fucking giant dickhead. Yes. Like, yeah, I don't. And it's funny because it's like, I totally understand it because I did it. When I was, I was, I didn't think I was getting what I deserved. So I was mean to people.

And I'd be like, you're not good at stand-up. You fucking hack. It's crazy. But some people stay in that mode forever. I think it's a normal thing for a young man to be, to walk around a comedy scene and to say that you all suck. You should all quit comedy. I'm the greatest alive.

I've done that. I've done my time doing that. But sometimes you grow up. You managed to do it. You managed to. I only improved that because I got to see you. I thought I was just going to quit comedy. I thought I was just going to stop.

But I don't know how you figured it out. I don't know how you know how to move in the... I don't know. Just got to be nice to people. Be nice to people. And then it's also... I keep seeing people in the Austin... I'm out in the Austin comedy scene sometimes.

And whenever someone... Whenever someone says, I'm just not going to stand for that. Whenever someone has... You can't treat me like that. Whenever people make a point in a drunken setting of standing up for themselves, it's always like, I just want to go to them, this is a big mistake.

Yeah, I know, I know. I don't care what point of pride it is. you think you're standing on. This can't help you. I've done this before. Yeah. Please. It's hard to watch.

Please, you don't know this person. It's hard to watch. A lot of people are watching. It's like. Yeah, there's definitely, that is like my favorite part about Mitzis. Yeah. Just being there and seeing one, eventually one comedian's going to break that night and just go, you fucking piece of shit. Precious to do another comedian.

Just fuck you. The pressure is too high. They just get, they probably just had a bad show. They come down. they see somebody they don't respect being confident. Yeah. They go, you motherfucker. You fucking suck.

Just so you know, you're a fucking bum. And then I stand next to them and I go, get him a drink. Get him a shot. And then when they're not looking, I go, yeah, that guy is a piece of shit. You should go tell him. That's the way it's meant to be down quietly. That's fun. No, I don't even believe it.

I'm just trying to get them fired up. It's nice to see a good, you want to see a good dumb comedian fight. This explains what's happening in the crew. I actually, the crew I do like to. Yeah, whispering in Sean Guadini's ear to get him. I'll get them fired up sometimes. Every five, six months, Sean Godine's ready to think of swinging at somebody. He's an active volcano.

He erupts constantly. The apologies the next morning are beautiful. They're great. I don't know if you get them. Yeah. I'm sorry. I, uh, yeah, when it's just me, Le Maire and Nate, I like to stir the boys up. When they're out in public, I try.

I really, it's embarrassing. No, because I was at an airport once. It was me, LeMay, you and Nate. And you were just, you were just. you're enjoying it. You let it blow up. Lemaire and Nate fighting? It's great.

No, I was, yeah, it was just, Nate and LeMayer. Were you a part of it? I was watching. It was about basketball, so I couldn't get involved

even if I wanted to. Oh, I remember that fight. They were fucking screaming. It was huge. And then it turns personal, which is very funny. There was a basketball argument,

and then it's like, you've been a fucking dickhead to me lately. Ever since you made fun of me with your friends on the podcast, you've been a piece of shit to me. It's great. Whenever I, Watch like scientists debating or something.

And they're talking about things I don't understand it. You know, they're talking about physics, but they're getting really heated. Yeah. It's like it's in a foreign language. But you can tell what they're saying is, well, a photon is like this for these reasons. But what they're really saying is, I fucking hate you. You're ugly. Yeah, I don't respect you at all.

You're a fucking idiot. I'm better than you. I'd like to stab you. If I could, I would stab you. Yeah, it's good to see them battle. Lamar will be like I work harder than you guys. That's a good one. That gets the guys going.

That's been a while since I've heard that. I've cut that. I've cut that from various people. What's that? You don't know what it is to work hard. Things are being handed to you here. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't buy bank.

It's not worth them. Everybody gets that. I get that. I get people like, dude, you're so lucky you got fired from SNL. I would have thought that before I met you, I would have thought that. And then talking to you about that, I just didn't know how it works. I didn't know anyone who had quit. Everybody else were acquit.

It took two years. That's the only reason I figured that Tony would be upset when all that stuff about Trump went down. I think he was. He was. No, but everyone around me was going, well, Tony's going to love this. And it's like, I don't think he could. And also, I think. Could look at the news and a guy misrepresenting them and saying that they're a terrible person and go like, hooray, I'm growing in notoriety.

No one is actually a supervillain character. Yeah, now everyone goes, it's good to get canceled. It's like, okay, good luck, dude. You get canceled. See how you do. You've got to have something to get canceled. I actually do kind of believe. Or you can get canceled and lean into it.

And then you can get a fan. base through that. Yeah, but then you've got to do that. But then you're just that guy. It seems like a terrible thing today. No, I don't know how you do it. You had to be a very big person. I was, I don't know, I just,

no one else could have done what you did. I don't know, people don't say this. I think about it a lot that they really, that was the wrong guy to do that too. I think if that had happened to me, I would have, I'd be 400 pounds. You would have lashed out. You'd have lashed out immediately.

I'd be a drug addict, I'd be obese. I did not. I did not lash out too often, but it was fun when I did. Every once in when I'd see somebody on Twitter talking shit, and I'd just be like, oh, you stink. And then I would post their tweet on my Instagram story, and then I would post clips of them doing stand-up. And I would say, this person, for real, is talking shit.

I'm going to cut you. I don't want to, you're going to want me to stop going down this avenue. Why? There's one fella in particular who goes after you who started, I'm popping up on his Oh nice His Twitter now Yeah that's fun

It makes me feel like I've made it But you actually are a fucking Like anti-immigration You're a very right-wing fascist You actually are that I am not Shane is winking I'm not waiting

My eyes have never been wider He knows that that's not true I think there's something about I knew you agree You're about to agree No because I'm not a fascist But in terms of being anti-immigrant There is something about being at home

that is important. America is more welcoming to immigrants than anybody but I think there is something about the land of your birth

that I don't want to say blood and soil but there is something when I walk around America and it's so beautiful and I sometimes feel like I'm in toy land or something

like it seems like not real it seems like a fantasy that's been created. What America? Yeah just I can't I go like I have to touch things to feel like it is absurd

compared to other countries. We're going nuts. Sometimes lawn will be so beautiful here. Last night, a magician was performing for the president and a guy sprinted through a hotel lobby with a gun and got a couple shots off. Thank goodness that magician was there to make those balls disappear. He did.

I almost commented last night. He made a statement about him and Donald Trump being tackled next to each other and making eye contact and it was the most scary thing in the world. I was going to comment, what was he thinking? because he's a mentalist Would that be magician gets tackled And all the doves

Get crashed On the way down Yeah You're going to go Pete No I didn't know they had a magician Yeah

It was the medalist With the guy who Yeah He texted me He was like Dude I'm fucking I'm doing the mentalist To Trump this week

I was like Yeah it's gonna be awesome There was a fucking shooter America is nuts Dude every single thing we do somebody comes running with a gun and still shoot it

my favorite was the third assassination attempt on Trump where it was a guy going to the golf course and they popped the trunk and they found all the guns in the back that he was driving there but apparently then they said it's not illegal

we couldn't let him in so we just let him drive away with an arsenal of weapons that he was driving to the club's golf's golf course America that's very America there was a guy there was a story about a guy

who was walking around one of the schools in Austin with, his Open Carry State, and he just had a rifle. And he was just walking the perimeter of the school. Didn't have a kid there. He was just walking the perimeter of the school with a rifle. And the police were saying, parents were complaining. It was on all the big Facebook groups. And the parents were going, can we get rid of him?

And people going, no, this, he's not doing anything wrong. Eventually, you get him for something. Yeah. You get him crossing the road at the wrong time. Yeah. Ah, ha. Yeah. Off you go.

But that's, what's the, what's the, no, I keep. I fall into other people's rhythms and then I have to check myself, but it's the bit that's not out yet. But when you go, ooh-hoo-hoo, you go, if that's five yards, it's such a good rhythm. Thank you. Yeah, it's really, it's very hard for me not to just take it. That happens.

If I watch stand-up, I'd take it. It's like you get stuck, though, in somebody else's. I took Matt's homeless impression. I didn't know about it until way later. Yeah, that happens. Yeah, yeah. It's a great homeless impression. To be original, thanks.

Anyway. Whatever, I'll figure it out. Yeah, baby. Yeah, America, we need to figure it out. Because right now we're going hog wild. I mean, you just have to wait for three years. Two and a half years now. And you have a system to work it out.

We do have a system to work it out, but every single institution in this country has crumbled. There's no faith in any fucking single institution. Catholics are on there. on the way out. Catholics are going wild. That's why you should be pro-immigration. You've got Catholics flooding into the country.

If you need to flee your country, it's the, and coming for a better life, I understand. I come from a town that is, I guess, the equivalent of like, it's a million people. A lot of the people I went to school with left, and they go and they do better. But I just always think about it, wouldn't it be, if everyone had stayed, think of the beautiful,

incredible things we could achieve. Where'd they go? They got a Melbourne, they got a Berlin, they got to Sydney. Almost no one comes to America. They got a fucking Berlin? People love going to Berlin. I heard Berlin's awesome. I've never been.

So many people who go to Berlin. They get all the weird sex parties and they have a... Yeah, see, that's another thing that doesn't appeal to me. Berlin sex party? Yeah. It's all I would do. No, it's not. I mean, that's nuts, dude.

It seems unsanitary. Being with one person and the lights on is like, oh, this is not going good for me. Well, that happens there too. No, but I'm saying they go to these parties where they're just fucking a bunch of people fucking in a room. I couldn't be a part of that. It doesn't seem awkward at least. Also, everyone I see who is like an orgy person. Yeah, it looks like the cast of alone.

Yeah, they don't look like the sort of people you want. Looks like the guys on alone. You think it's going to be Temptation Island, but it's alone. It's alone. It's guys, yeah, that's not good. How long until you make a comedy movie? Hopefully this year. Really?

Yeah. All right. Hopefully this year. I have not seen Bus Boys, but I've looked at the numbers and it looks like it's actually making good money on it. Oh, it'll make good money. Yeah. Yeah. So it might finally be.

It'll make good money. Nate Bagatsi's movies coming out. That'll make good money. It's not been, I was thinking of the last one before this, before the Bus Boys one. What was the last 90s style comedy? 90s. Is it like, what's the basketball one? I'm spacing because I'm tired.

What's the Will Ferrell basketball movie? It's so beautiful Semipro. Yeah. Was there anything after semi-pro? I don't know. It depends what year that was. Yeah, there was a couple more hangovers.

It's been 15 years of nothing. Yeah, there hasn't been many. Every single meeting I'm in about movies. It's like, we're trying to make the next hangover. Every single fucking person goes. We're trying to, this one, this movie we're about to pitch. It's the fucking next hangover. That does.

That does a good. Great. How about something else? Because that was great. Yeah. Let's try to make a new one. A different. one.

I thought friendship was really good. We saw that. I loved friendship. Friendship was great. I can believe friendship wasn't a big. It was very strange. Yeah, I love it.

I guess that scared people are. I mean, it seemed to do well. It made more than its money back. But I thought, I watched Friendship and I thought, oh, that'll be one of the top ten gross movies of the year. But we saw it in the theater at the premiere.

That was a nice one. Going like, damn, I was sitting there like, this is the best fucking movie ever. That may also be part of a comedy movie is having people in there laughing along. Oh, for sure. You go with four people on a 11 a. AM on a Thursday.

Yeah. We saw, that's why I liked doing the premiere for tires. It's fun to be in the theater, watching it with people and hearing them laugh. You go, yes, yes. That was one of the first times I'd, I went to the premiere of the first season. Because the second season, I don't remember where I was. I think I was on the road. But the, yeah, the first season, the politics there of who was on stage.

Oh, yeah. Of who was on stage and who was saying what? Yeah. And the flow, are you, I mean, third season's wrapped. Yeah. And you're going to do a thing for that? Probably. Where does that come out?

I don't know. We're thinking about, we're thinking about doing something in South Carolina, in Charleston with Roughhouse. Yeah. So like McBride and those guys. Yeah. We're thinking about, this is a very early stages idea. So don't.

All right. Don't put it on the podcast. No, I don't mind. I can fucking say what we're thinking about doing. Just a little comedy festival, little music, and then do a premiere down there. You would dare to steal skank fist. No, it's not skank fest. I've never been to skank fest.

Really? No, I never made it over. You would like it. You would love it. I'd be afraid of all of the drugs. It's so great. The drugs are great. Over the last few years, I've had to take advantage of the fact that that's a weekend where a lot of people aren't working the road.

That's my opportunity to get into. Go get some good rooms. That was my first Zany's Chicago. It was skank fest because no one was there. You should do skank fest. It is fun. I pop on down. I was, well, there was a moment last year.

So Amos was in the crowd last year for a show that you were on stage for. I might get this wrong, but someone proposed to somebody. Yes. And then was fellated by somebody else or sucked another man's peanut. There was a penis. I think so, yeah. The whole thing was weird. And Amos, it was apparently in the bleachers screaming.

No! And then I heard you talk about it. And apparently, you know. You were on stage going, don't make this. Yeah, why would everybody do this? But it's the... They didn't actually do that. Did they?

No, they didn't. Kissing on the penis? They were just talking about it. Oh, yeah, he did kiss a guy on the fucking tip of his penis. I forgot about that. With the... No one kissed anybody on the piss. I turned my head.

I think his pants were still on, I hope. You have to turn the head. I did turn my head. I was like, guys, what are we doing here? I'm not coming down here anymore. I don't understand that. Keep putting me on stage and having a guy kiss another guy on the tip of his penis. Like, God, fellas, I'm not doing this.

anymore. Otherwise, it seems like a very nice time. It is. I used to be able to do drugs at it, and that was fun. Well, no, the scrutiny would now be. But now I can't do the drugs there. I can't do any drugs. I'm definitely afraid of drugs.

You should try them. Oh, I tried... She tried Molly. I tried codeine, and I loved it, and I think I'd become a heroin person if given half a chance. I think you would like Molly. I'm sure it'd be great, though. I'm sure it would be wonderful. It's so nice.

I don't want to tamper with this brain chemistry. It's already walking a fine line. True. Yeah, I haven't done it in five years, six years, but when I did it, I loved it. I mean, just the, I love the look of people on cocaine. They look like they can get so much done. They're going to achieve. They're not going to push right through. They're going to make things. That's the sort of confidence that I require. Well, apparently it does the, it has the effect in your brain of having accomplished something. So you snort cocaine. You're like, holy fuck, I did it. I'd always wondered this about comedians who, like hack comedians. Like hack comedians who do a lot of cocaine.

Someone once told me this about them. But they were like, if you don't like your act and the audience likes it, you need cocaine to bring your self-esteem up to where the audience is telling you it is. Does that make sense? If you're just doing shitty work, but people like it, that's all, or you, often a guy who's a big, every day, every show, all the time, cocaine. Damn. Does that bear out in what you've seen?

I don't really, the people that are addicted to cocaine, I don't really see it. They'll hide it. I've never been offered cocaine. You've never been offered cocaine? I don't think I've even one time been offered cocaine constantly. I mean, I'm at bar. Oh, sorry. After a gig by members of the audience?

Yes. Yes. All the time. But not in a green room. I never see that cocaine. No, no. Comedians don't do blow in green rooms. No.

I've never seen it once. But someone is going to the mothership bathroom. Skank Fest. Someone is going to the mothership bathroom and there's just cocaine every. It's like once or twice a week. There would just be white powder all over the floor by the toilet, which I don't understand. there is a shelf by the mirror.

No one's using that for the cocaine. Someone's so hooked that someone's got, no, it's different off the warm toilet seat. That's where you want to blow. I don't understand. What is going on? I don't know who is. Who do you think it is?

I thought about for a while they're looking at the lineups and trying to figure it out because it was so, it was so, it's someone who's getting two to three gigs a week. Oh, that knows down. Yeah, it does. There's only about 10 people. You're thinking it's all right, Mattie. I don't.

You just look at the time. He gets so. He gets so. There's so not first of all He gets a lot of gigs every week He's getting seven and eight gigs a week It couldn't be Harry Matt It's not all right

James This would be so beautifully edited You just wait I'm not worried about it I am I am