The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - S2 Ep20: Jim E. Brown In Conversation in a Pokie Room

Episode Date: July 6, 2026

Don’t sleep on @ultrapouches. New customers get 15% Off with code CATAMARAN at takeultra.com!#UltraPouches #adThere's also episodes on the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/jdfmccannGo find Jim E. Brown https://www.youtube.com/@JimEBrown

How's the tour gone? Yeah, it's a bit shit. You know, it's disappointing to be in a place like Australia because it's just a shithole continent. One of my ears is on the microphone, I apologize. That's all right. You keep coming back here, though. Well, yeah, it's a bit of money involved, so. Who's backing you?

Who's bringing you out? Well, just I perform shows, and then people pay for tickets, and then I get the ticket money. That's how that works. But Adelaide people usually skip This is usually like a very small town where people Yeah I don't know why I'm here Definitely won't come back for the next one Well it's heartbreaking

I mean it's a nice pub Yeah well all I've heard The Golden Waddle Yeah the golden waddle That was nice but I've heard Endless talk of a pie floater But I've not seen Have you not had a pie floater

Is that just a pie immersed in peas Yeah And you can have HP sauce Which you'll be well familiar Yeah right I'll take you to get a pie floater after this It used to be on a cart. Yeah.

Used to be a man with a horse and cart who would give you a pie. A horse. A horse and cart. A cart. And they, yeah, they felt with pea soup and you have HP sauce on top. You know, I have a very conflicted relationship with peas. You know, mum made me eat peas growing up mushy peas. She loved peas.

I found them disgusting. But the first woman I ever dated was also very fond of peas. She'd eat peas nonstop. And I found her incredibly sexually attractive to her. alarming degree and I believe that it was something about the fact that mum was also so fond of peas. Yeah. You think there's a connection between your mother?

I mean, I was hanging out with a man in a green room who told my opening act that she had an ass that, like his mother. He said, you've got my mother's ass, it's a great ass. And I'd never heard someone be so explicit about it, but I think the P connection is a more subtle. But you'd have so many women. I mean, there are so many women in your life, one after another you seem to be connected to her. Well, yes, Brittany, Nancy, Mrs. Higgins, Judge Miranda.

You were very fecund? You've impregnated several of these women? No, not that I'm aware of. Well, yes, Brittany, I did, yes. My first son, Tanner, I don't know who the mum is. Are you his father? I think so. I just don't know who the mum is. Is that how, it's hard for you being away on the road, been away from the family? Oh, no, no, I'm completely separated from Tanner. The courts have decided that I'm not fit to be a father.

But that's all right because, you know, he's three or four years old, but he suffers almost certainly from narcissistic personality disorder. You know, he's only concerned about himself. He cries. He never does things for me. It's all about him, you know. So I believe that it's better to love him from a distance as he's a toxic young boy. You know, I think about this all the time.

Not necessarily with my children, with whom I love and whom I like to be close to. You have children? I have four children. Oh, right. We just keep going. Which makes traveling and touring. It's a bit of a bother. Right.

Yeah. You put them in the luggage or... Well, man, when we do the Trans-Pacific flight, which is what I like to call it, the... I hold one of them to save money. One day... So it keeps making these big noises, but nothing. Whoa!

Excuse me. We'll talk about the families. We're going to start feature. And we are absolutely on. You had some big spins yesterday on that one, I'm told. Yeah. I won 10 Australian dollars yesterday, which is, I think, like, what? It's like nothing in real money.

Well, I'm yet to win anything on this one, I don't think. One free spin remaining. That's it. They made a big hullabaloo, and then I got nothing. So you were talking about your children? Yeah, so it's just, this is a bit ofence. I mean, yeah, I try and resist talking about my children publicly as best I can because they make me very emotional. Do you ever hit the gamble on these?

You got the golden apple? No, I think I got some of these plants. I was during a US tour and I was so lonely in the evenings that in certain states where they had these machines having never really had been a big fan of them before. I did start at the end of the night

when the audience is gone and you're all alone and maintaining marital fidelity by fleeing the crowd and the hordes of women. To have the machines sing to you at night, find, I found it to be comforting. Oh, right. Yeah.

What about winking to pornography? I attempt not, I, I unsuccessfully attempt to not do that. I find it does make me much, in the long run, you know, on the third or fourth day, I've become very sad. Right. Your song really resonated with me when I was on the road. Because you cry when you wink to these pornographies or? I would say, in and around.

I don't think I've ever interrupted myself with, uh, with an emotion. I try and push all emotions out of the way to get the task completed as best I can. But I think that's one of the things that's really exciting about your music is, I mean, there's not a lot of, you're finding the crevices where other people would not dare to explore. Yeah, well, I'm just expressing myself.

You know, I'm an alcoholic. I binge eater. I eat excessively to quell the emotional pain that I feel perpetually. And I write songs because it just makes me feel good. I don't like music. I don't think people should. should like my music. Yeah.

But for some reason they do. I mean, it's really, it's in a big way. I'd like to think of myself as an early adopter, but I was late to the party, I'm sure. Oh, right. I mean, Kieran J. Callan put me onto you, and then I've been a big evangelist for your work. I'm a big fan. This is very big for me. This is very exciting for me.

Oh, nice. And, but increasingly, I mean, you must be moving into bigger venues because the numbers online have exploded. Well, yeah, the golden waddles is pretty big. Golden Waddles are fine established. Yeah, the golden waddles is quite nice. nice Cooper's Red Ale is that what they have there? Cooper's Red Ale is the more alcoholic out.

They had to invent Cooper's Green Al so people who worked at the factory could drive home safely. Oh, I see. Yeah. But if I mean, if I was a big, I know like a way that a lot of people would come up would be to open for other people

to be an opening act. But do you find, have people been reticent to have you open for them or do you go on the road opening for people? Sometimes, yes. Is it? I want to open for food fighters. Food Fighters, but I would really like to open for them as it would be a sign of my success, and I'd probably make lots of money.

How much does this podcast appearance pay, by the way? It does not. I think you have to pay me if you've got what I think you've got out of that. It doesn't. You don't pay for this? What's exposure? Exposure, and we'll do what we can't. Who are your fans?

At this point, I don't know. The numbers have been cratering. Oh, really? Yeah, I lost my, uh, my director. and now I'm sitting up my own camera. Oh, well, you're sweet and lovely. He's opening for you? He's your opening, eh?

Yeah, he's my manager booking agent. You got three spins. Look, I mean, this is going well. I'm not even paying attention. We're doing, uh... Yeah, that's Andy Burns. A Brendan Burns' nephew? I've just learned out.

Yes. Um, his uncle would have no idea who I am, but I know who the uncle is. Hold on a minute. We're opening a lot of nines now. So it looks like a lot of. I've won 14 Australian dollars. Is that enough

to buy a pie floater? Yeah, one pie floater. Yeah, right. I've got to get it. I mean, I'm winning... And do you like peas? I don't mind a pee. I have no strong emotional resonance with peas.

I abhorred vegetable matter. I quite consuming the flesh of an animal. Just... I think flesh tastes better, battered, fried flesh. It's much better than vegetables. I mean, potatoes, though, you can as a vegetable? I learned recently, yes,

that chips are made from that. So I guess that's an exception. But I do quite like a chip, a cheesy chip, a bit of garlic mayo. We may have to move to get the pie floaters because these machines have become very... I didn't expect us to have this kind of success on the machines. Right. But, you know, maybe we plumb the... What did I win?

I won $3.885. Do you have a gamble at the end of that, or do you take the win? No, I will gamble more excessively than I am now. If you push the gamble button... Oh, what is that too? If you push this button here... Yeah. And it's too late.

Then you go double or nothing. Oh, right. Which is when it gets really quite degenerate. I didn't know that. But it's too late now? Try it, give it go? No, it's too late now. But that's the big secret in the business.

That's where they really make that money. What does it mean when the three elderly Chinese men appear on the screen? A balance and prosperity. Oh, right. How come I didn't win anything? Oh, no. The balance is money not coming into your account. But prosperity is wisdom.

It's one of these ancient. I am trying to get it. get a bigger Chinese audience at the moment. Oh, right. And I hope that being here next to the poking machines is useful. Do you tour any non-English speaking countries? Yes, there's a shithole continent called Europe and many of them speak these weird languages, French and German and things like that.

But it's weird because even though they have their weird language for some reason, they also speak English. And it's like, well, why don't you just speak English all the time? Why speak the weird language that you're speaking, you know? That's my same question about all. Australia is like you talk a bit funny and weird. Why don't you just talk like a normal person? I mean, I think the honest answer is climate.

Right. I think warmer countries insist on speaking in a different way. I think our accent is close to the Southern American accent. Some of it is the criminal past. Right. What's the criminal past? We had Irish people arrested and sent to this country. Now you've got one very big elderly Chinese gentleman.

Oh, yeah, right. And he's holding a peach. Oh, hold on. The alarm has gone off. Six free games won, no big deal. Oh, right. Is that easy for you post-Brexit to be touring around Europe? I just go in. No one asks any questions. I think that the airports and the border security, they just see a fat bloke.

They don't think that I'm doing anything illegal or anything like that. Oh, there's another fat bloke. I've noticed, this is my third time in Australia. I've noticed your population has become considerably more obese since the last time I were here. Well, it's interesting. Yeah, I feel like in other parts of the world, the O-ZemPEC has really taken off, and it's making people seem slimmer. Right. But for whatever reason, we haven't really kicked off...

Well, it just seems like when I was here before, you were a fit nation, and now it seems to be more of an obese nation. Well, you're here in the wintertime. And a toothless nation as well. A toothless nation. Oh, do Australians gain in the winter? You shred for the summer. Because I am obese. I am a fat fuck, and I hate myself.

I hate that fuck, and I'm deeply unwell. I eat excessively. I hate myself because I am fat, but I hate fat people as well. Of course. Yes. I've often thought about losing weight exclusively for political reasons, so that I could hate more effectively. You know, I have come to learn or understand that apparently skinny people

experience pain and suffering as well. So even if I were to take OZempec and lose weight, I may still suffer. Isn't it good to know why we suffer? I mean, at least with being fat, one can go... Well, it's because I'm fat. But if one became skinny and became sad, then you'd be in search of a reason for the despair, and that would be even more painful.

So maybe being fat is good. Now, here we go. I show you now the gamble feature. Okay. Well, in the same way than when I wake up feeling hungover, sometimes I feel free because I feel bad and I have a reason to feel bad. Right, yeah. I go, ah, it's the hangover, rather than just the general malaise of being awake.

again. Right, right. But, uh... I understand. Now, we can go, we can, we can, we can really go big if we pick a suit, or we can just go red and black. I would, uh, I would bet on black. Well, we've lost. Oh, right. So that's fine, that's the entire feature gone. That's $3. I'm only, I'm only down a little bit. If you bet on a low increment, this can last for quite a long time. Ah, ho ho! Ho! Ho! Ho! Mr. Beach loves you. Yeah. Uh, so, uh, um, you.

You said that you were going to procure a pie floater? I'm going to get us a pie floater. I'm going to take us to... What kind of pie is it? Well, this is one of the joys of the pie flotter is you can have any pie. So you're meat pie. Horse pie? You said they have horses there.

You can have a Ned Kelly pie. And I wouldn't doubt that it's some of the less refined bakeries. They might be using that sort of animal produce. What is a Ned Kelly pie? A Ned Kelly pie is... Excuse me. I actually don't know what's in a Ned Kelly pie. I think it might be like a steak.

And maybe some egg. So why do they call it Ned Kelly instead of just a steak and egg? Well, we love Ned Kelly. Who is Ned Kelly? Ned Kelly was a bush ranger. He was an outlaw. And he put on a metal armor to fight the state. You really don't know Ned Kelly?

You don't have the net. He's a fat of you? Well, he fit into the metallic armor that they crafted. And then the cops would, they shot at him in a big shootout. And he was able to survive for a long time. Guns not being what they are now. And stand and shoot back at them. But the armor did only cover.

sort of waist up. So he was shot something like... I mean, he was able to live because it was smaller bullets, but I believe it was something like a hundred times in the legs and penis. Oh, in the penis? In the penis? I believe he was shot

in the penis. I don't believe there was a penis protection. Why would they not protect the penis? I don't think they had enough metal for penis and they wanted... I think he knew he was going down and he was probably going to die. I think that's all right because I find genitalia to be absolutely

disgusting and they're poor end. Okay. Male and female genitalia? Yes, and I think sex is a debased action. I despise sexual organs. I find vaginas and penises repugnance, but sometimes I still want loving. Yes. I only engage in it because I have a biological drive to,

but I try to masturbate fewer than five times per day because I think it's just absolutely disgusting. I often wonder about this if people masturbate to, in a sense, castrate themselves. to have as little a semen in the body as possible so as not to be corrupted by the influence of of having the sex drive. If one pushes it out. You see?

Yeah, of course. And also if you're fat and you ejaculate, you lose a bit of weight so it could be good for weight loss, right? Sure. Have you ever woken up and immediately needed a nicotine pouch and or a cup of coffee just to feel like a human? Well, I'd like to tell you about

ultra pouches, ultra pouches, they're completely nicotine free and caffeine free. What's in them? All sorts of stuff. All sorts of stuff. Neutropics have clean, smooth energy. So I'm doing this free. I'm trying to this quietly. Sleaving baby, I am waking up. Anyway, if we're very energized and focused on these pouches. And apparently 90% of users saw significant improvements in their overall focus. So that's a bit of a win, isn't it? And there's so many flavors. And they're, wow, just take all the film.

Ultra is the ultimate guilt-free pouch, delivering instant focus and mental clarity without nicotine or caffeine. New customers can use Catamaran and to get 15% off at take ultra.com. That's take ultra.com for 15% off with code. cattle ram after your purchase that will ask you where you heard about them please support our show and tell them our show sent you i hadn't thought about that of a way in at the ufc somebody masturbating that's another thing i wanted to mention you know uh with the obesity levels in australia sorry to bring it back no please yeah you've noticed some really fat people in this country i've met some really fat fuchs but at my shows there are not so many fat fuchs and the capacities of some of these venues

we could have fit a hundred more people in. I see. Because I think the venues are leaning towards assuming that there are many fat people there. And then there is all this excess space. And I could be selling more tickets. But because of the fat people like me, it's just ruining society and culture. This is the price you most pay for having a young, cool, sexy fan base.

I mean, you're a teenager. You're a teeny bopper. And so in Adelaide, it's more like a toothless, toothless, withered crowd. Oh, I can't believe that.

I'm sure although my mom was a big fan. I think the older generation are a fan of yours as well. What's your mom's name? Deb.

Debbie. Deb. She couldn't have been there. She was at a 50th birthday last night, but I showed her some footage. She really enjoyed it. She was at a friend's 50th birthday.

Not her 50th birthday. I didn't skip out on my mom's. How old is your mom? That's a great question. She'd be in the early 60s. And she's spending time with people, that are significantly younger than her 50 years old.

Yes. Yes, she's gone wild. It's not a bit weird. She's gone wild in her autumnal years. Right. My friend Aiden, who I also, I think, would have really enjoyed it, but he was sadly, he was turning 50, so he was unable to come. But it's very, I got to bring my friend Sean Gardini to see you. I got to bring about eight people in the Austin comedy scene to see you.

Oh, in Austin. In Austin. When I played there, you know, that's a really shit-haul town. I agree. I think it should be obliterated from the planet. Why can't? Yeah, well, I just heard a quite nice jazz number recently called The Seagulls of Christensen. Okay.

By a jazz pianist called Mal Waldron. Hello. And it's a 26-minute song. It's very sad-sounding song. Did they do something for you? You enjoyed that? Well, I was just a bit alarmed and concerned by the title because Christian. Hutchinson is some shithole county in Norway.

And Norway is one of these shit European countries where they don't speak English. Or they do, but they also have their own weird language. And I don't know why anyone would be sad there. But I was imagining that I learned that they have these very restrictive liquor laws where you cannot purchase alcohol on Sundays from the supermarket or anywhere, really. So I think as an alcoholic, you'd have to plan ahead to have your... alcohol on the Sunday. Yes. You know.

You'd be far-sighted about it. But as an alcoholic, you don't have that foresight. That's the advantage of being an alcoholic. So I think it's a horribly sad state of affairs in Norway, and maybe that's what Mal Waldron was composing this 26-minute piece about. But if there is to be, there's something to be said for being with an alcoholic or being an alcoholic oneself, and they're not being a drink in the house and the shop's being closed. And the adventures that people get to participate in as a result, I remember staying on it.

and a man's couch in Sydney when I was touring. That's one of these shithole Australian cities. Oh, it's one of the nicest ones. Craig Cordermay once said, that's why Sydney's so beautiful. You can see where they stole it first. He's still a bit upset about the whole thing. Right, right.

He's an Aboriginal fellow. A fine Aboriginal fellow. But I was staying in a friend's couch, and he got to about one in the morning. He had no more drinks left, and he said he would leave. All the, everything was closed in Sydney. Right.

Because it's a city where, in an attempt to change property, I don't want to go to too much detail, but property developers got involved and a young man was punched in the back of the head and they closed down the city so he couldn't go out and get a drink. And so he just walked the streets of Sydney for many hours

looking for a place to get a drink and finally he found some backpackers from France and just stayed with them for the whole night. And he came home at 9 a.m. Not having slept, very, very drunk and I believe he shaved me. So the backpackers had alcohol?

The backpackers had alcohol. But he never would have met those backpackers and had that experience. Had he, you know, had the shops been, open. There's something about conviviality and meeting other people that alcohol really, you know, allows us to do. Well, no, that's not, that's not my belief system. You're a solitary drinker? Yes, I like to get pissed alone. I only agreed to have these drinks and do this

podcast with you because I thought I were getting paid, but apparently I'm not. You haven't even bought me a beer. I will buy you the pie floater. Okay. That's the least I can do is to buy you the pie flotter. Okay. But I should buy the beers. You've been very good to get me this shout of beers. Although I have not touched the second. A Guinness is a big, it's like eating a life of bread. It is, you know, it's some work to be put in to get through the Guinness. Not really. At 11 a.m. As an alcoholic, my fecal matter is often very wet. I haven't produced a solid, brother.

Loaf in many moons. I can remember the last one I had. It was week two of my last tour, because I had a lot of apple cider vinegar. which counteracted the booze, but otherwise it's been a real nightmare. I'm thinking about getting a colonoscopy, but I'm afraid to find out that I have cancer, I am dying. Even though finding out about it would be the thing that kept me potentially alive. Is it a colonoscopy where they stick a camera into your anus? Yes, it is.

Yeah. Wouldn't that be disgusting as a doctor to just look at the anus? I don't you think it's suspect for someone to focus on that as their main profession? Yeah. A gynecologist, that's what I'd get into. That's someone who touches vaginas. That is someone who touches vaginas. Yeah, I wouldn't do that either.

I find, as I said, I find sex support. And what is it called the male version of a gynecologist? Is that a penisologist? A gay necologist. Oh, right. No, excuse me, I'm just having a bit of fun. Just being a bit silly. I mean, you're only, you're 19 years old.

Yeah. Hello. How you doing? Hi. No, it's all right. Yeah, I'm 19 years old. You think maybe after the pop stardom, if you're still alive, you wouldn't pursue higher education and get into any of the trades or

anything of that nature? No, not really. I've never had a job. I've just been getting pissed. No, I did. I was working at the Burger King at the Piccadilly train Burger King, just disposing the rat corpses in the kitchen. That's all they'd allow me to do. That's the only employment I've ever had. I mean, I've done sex, transactional sex. Are paying or receiving? Well, you know, I was giving handies to Chris, the pub landlord of the old cock in exchange for free rent at his flat. Okay.

I hear that's an increasingly common arrangement that people. Yeah. So just handies, no penetration. A set of handies a week or handies on demand? Well, I think he was quite in love. You've not read Brown on Brown Volume 2, my second book. I have yet to read Brown on Brown Volume 2, your second book. Well, in Brown on Brown Volume 2, I detail...

Chris was quite fond of me. Yes, I used him. We both used each other. But that's not really a job. It's just kind of giving someone a handy in exchange for free bed. You know, even though I myself have not had to do that and would hope never to have to do that. And I'm sorry that you had to do that.

It's hard out here, you know, struggling. Yeah. And if the Burger King only paid his subjects more money, I think he would have been spared that horrible ordeal. Yes. Do you like Burger King? I love it. Here it's called Hungry Jacks,

because there already was a Burger King. What do you mean it's cold, hungry jacks? It's the exact same business with a different name. We do this in Australia. We'll have something that has the same name elsewhere. So what do you call McDonald's here? Maccas, but that's still McDonald's. We do it with films a lot.

There's a film called... What do you call KFC? KFC. KFC. So you don't do that here? Well, we do it with films a lot. 30 going on... 13 going on 30.

We call it suddenly 30. And Django Unchained, we call that worst-case scenario. Okay. We have strange little differences in... What do you call Viguan's... Vicki Christina Barcelona. A bloody good time. I don't really know many films or the names.

I just know Vicky Christina Barcelona. Vicki and Christina Barcelona is a strange one to pick out. Okay. I quite like the minions. I find them very far. You are a comedian by trade. I do. That is my job, yeah.

Yeah. See, I don't really find much of, much of the things that are advertised as comedy to me. They don't make me laugh. Actually, I'm physiologically incapable of laughing. I haven't broken you one time. I'm physiologically incapable of smiling or laughings, but, um, If I could laugh or smile, it would be at the minions because I think they're very funny. They're yellow and cute.

And so I quite like the Despicable Me films. To me, that's the peak of comedy. I've never seen one, but I consider it. I mean, I've not seen it either. I've just seen little bits of bobs here and there. You've seen the Indonesians with their phone cases. Yes, I like the phone cases and the little toys and things. Yeah.

And it's about villainy? I don't know what it's about. It's just about little yellow minions that barb around. And I quite like the name, Despicable Me. I've wrote a song about it. What's the song called? Despicable Me. They're not coming after you with warships?

I haven't released it yet. But the lyrics go, Minions come, set me free. We'll fly in air and swim in sea. In my opinion, I want a horde of minions to set me free. Despicable me. I hate me. I love it

Oh, thank you I'd like to hear more of that I think the latest album was very very strong I urinated on a butterfly Is that the most recent album No no There's another one after that

Yeah dirt Dirt Just came out yeah I have not had a chance To process dirt yet Yeah that's all right I released two to three albums per year So it's hard

It is your uvra It's unparallel I don't know anyone else The new album is called Dirt The song such as Dirt I received a blowjob or watching the Mr. Bean Christmas special. I went to finger a woman during 12 years a slave.

I find sex to be really enjoyable. And I've often thought about how much more convenient it would be in my life if I did not. You know, how different the choices I would make and would have to make would be if I was blessed with a type of asexuality. Right, yeah. But, I mean, if you're masturbating five times a day, the biological urge must be gigantuan. I guess, I don't know. I just, as I said before, I just find sex deeply unsettling, troubling. It's not something I wish to engage in.

It's just weird, wet organs rubbing and caressing. Five times a day is very close to Islamic prayer ritual territory, though. Right, yeah. Well, five times or fewer per day. Okay, never more than five. Right. I keep it strict at five because I find it so disgusting. But also, I think physiologically more than five would be a...

I remember once during a breakup, I think I got to regularly four times a day. Yeah, right. And I began to do a harm, meaningful, meaningful harm to my organ. Oh, right. Frictional harm. Right, yes. I'm writing about that a lot in Brown and Brown Volume 4. There was a period where my penis was very bruised and battered

because I had been sucked off by this bloke called Ronald and also his daughter, Helen. And Helen thought my cum tasted putrid, but Ronald liked the taste of the cum. He thought it tasted, he could taste. notes of lamb and blue cheese and truffle and later that evening I were quite hungry I'm a fat fuck I didn't have access to food so I went like 14 times just to eat me and come just to say of cool hunger yes and yeah my penis was very bruised and battered after that I must say that I have never I know of men having done this of having battered their penises sampled themselves but I have no idea what

ejaculate I'm working with in the flavour profile. But sometimes I wonder if that's necessary for knowing oneself. To taste their own cum. The man who eats his own cum knows something about himself, that the man who doesn't taste his own cum doesn't know. Did you feel you learnt anything meaningful about yourself? I didn't learn what I already knew, which is that I consume lots of shit foods. I'm an alcoholic, so my cum does taste a bit of shit to me.

It wasn't news to me. It's just I feel that I'm an empty person. I feel a dark emptiness inside. And the cum tasted as putrid and reprehensible as I would expect it to. So I did not learn anything. It just was as I imagined it would be. Well, I think it might be time for you to taste something nice and to fill up that darkness inside with a beautiful pie floater.

So we're going to get a pie floater? I think we're going to go and get a pie floater. I'll give you a lift in the big Toyota. We'll lose some child seats room. Yeah. Yeah, okay. All right. All right.