The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - S2 Ep24: In Conversation with Ruby Setnik again

Episode Date: August 8, 2026

There are also episodes on the Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/c/jdfmccannSquiz Ruby: https://www.rubysetnik.com/New customers get 40% Off with code CATAMARAN at GLD.comGet 10% Off your entire order & take advantage of Ridge’s Annual Sweepstakes by going to https://www.Ridge.com/CATAMARAN #Ridgepod NO PURCHASE NECESSARY . Open only to legal residents of the promotion territory, who have reached the age of majority in their jurisdiction of residence. Void elsewhere & where prohibited by law. Enter by 9:00 a.m. USPT on 8 September 2026. 2 winners, prizes total ARV: up to approx. $539,165 CAD / £284,170. Skill-testing question required in CA. See Official Rules at ridge.com/pages/rules for complete eligibility, entry instructions, how to enter without a purchase, entry limits, prize details, odds, and restrictions. Sponsor: The Ridge Wallet LLC.

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I know what a Ford is. I know what Hennessy is. It's a lot of a velociraptor. I don't think there's such a thing as a Ford Hennessy philosopher. And the next one and the very next one says a souped up Fort Bronco. Or $100,000 in cash. Oh, I see. These are the winners of a competition.

I thought that this is what we're selling. $100,000 cash is probably a bad business. Hey, which would you choose? I choose cash. Yeah. I'd like to have a velociraptor. Yeah, but it's a Ford. I don't have a Roserose Flosseraptor.

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sent you Ruby Settnick. Who's sitting through six minutes? I feel like I'm at a point in my life where if I were to... Get back over there. I feel like I'm at a point in my life where if I were to win $100,000 in cash that I would die. Oh, you just go straight up the nose, straight in the veins. Let me tell you, I'd be more worried about you.

Just from excitement alone. I'd be more worried about you in her apartment with a velociraptor, personally. It's good to have Ruby Sittnick here in Australia. You flew over. Delta looked after you, you got your own little section. No. Well, yeah.

Actually, that was the Virgin Airlines flight, but maybe they have a relationship with Delta. I refuse to fly Virgin. Fly. But that's your whole thing. Big whore, yeah. It's much cheaper. But also, they know what they're fucking doing.

Yeah, they do. Anyway. They're experienced. Ruby has come over to be on the movie. Yeah. Which we, you haven't seen a lot of that yet. Nope. But how's it going?

The movie. Oh, are you a part of it? You got the lines down, Pat? No. You? Not one. Yeah. We should both read the script.

When you're done writing the script, you should probably read the script. So on Saturday I'm finishing the script that we, I mean, we've already started making the movie. I also had an idea that maybe we should talk through all the lines and that that could help you in writing, the rest of reading. Do you want to come out on Saturday morning and help me finish the script? Yeah. All the way.

sick but yeah yes you keep saying you're getting sick it's happening I can feel it we're in a house with children now so they'll be getting sick it's probably from the international flight no yeah it's how sweetest Australia you miss the smell of freedom no I don't know I mean you have you had but you actually do look yeah you do we're getting up we're doing a gig tonight maybe that'll help you haven't stand up in a little while yeah I'm probably sick because I haven't done stand up in a little yeah that's a real disease oh I don't know I just did an hour long podcast with Sam Oh

That's on the Patreon How was it It's great It's great It's great It was great We talked about drop out Dropout

The thing that we watched The college humor Turned into Oh yeah And I That's a Patreon Conversation You said

Don't you bring this improv talk here That's just the improv kids And how I think that they They It's such a different way To be funny And they're all

Yes and I think the funniest Improv is funnier No I can't even I didn't bring myself to say that. The only thing I thought I, like, I was on odd territories when I, as a riff, I was like,

I wonder if these improv kids have, like, problems with, uh, with consent because they're just so in the habit of yes and that they don't know how to say, no. Which is a real, you know, they're also, it's not a real thing. It's a real thing. It's a real thing. I think they have trouble with consent because they're not having a lot of sex. Because they're not what? They're just, no, they're not getting ass.

so much. Yeah. Not true. They're theater kids and they, theater kids be fucking. Sorry, I take it all back. They're theater kids.

Is it wrong of me to say that on average, with key core exceptions, people who do improv are less attractive than people who do stand up? I think you'd be wrong to say that. Okay. All right. I mean,

everybody's ugly. No, no, oh, I'm not all, but oh, oh, okay, I was going to say that the funniest, improv is funnier than the funniest stand-up

and then while I was saying that I realized it's not true but I will say the prettiest improvisers prettier than the prettiest stand-up because they don't have to travel and they don't have to be alone and they have friends and they'd be fucking. Yeah.

I think there's maybe for girls Oh. Improv girls might be pretty on average. Than stand-up girls. Certainly improv men are worse looking than the best looking. The best-looking stand-up men.

I think that you're judging men how they are judged which is a man stands alone a man stands alone and therefore is prettier he's prettier by his nature but I'll say

certainly audiences we could agree a better looking for stand-up audiences whenever I go to a music show like an indie music show yeah I think ew

no I think damn everyone's so the men look great the women look great they're all much hotter than the audience at a comedy show just yeah

some of that is youth yeah and some of that is just aesthetic in style. Am I asked what I'm going for? Yeah, just like what your taste is.

That's true. 90s, gay librarian. I never told you about that. Yes, gay 90s librarian is my... So your aesthetic,

your personal aesthetic? I read Andy Warhol's, it's called the philosophy of Andy Warhol from A to B and back again. You told me about this. He said some very funny things. Well, one of the funny things

he talked about was he was talking about a sexy underwear. His sex underwear? He's talking about. sexy underwear in general. Okay. He's going like, well, the problem is, like, you start to, like, romanticize certain kind of, like, sexy underwear.

Yeah. Before anyone will, you're too young. You know, the sex desire, ideally kicks in a good long while before the sex starts. So by the time you get to have sex with somebody, they're not wearing the sexy underwear that you thought, like for them to wear, they're wearing today's new sexy underwear. I see. You know? And for them to go and put on the old wear, would you even go to find the sexy underwear?

The sexy underwear of 10 years ago, which at that's when, you know, culture changed maybe more rapidly than it has now. I see. And I do think of, you know, yeah, there's someone, you know, and I think of that makeup and hair. Yeah. Like, when I started to notice girls, it was like that really, really there. I had to like puberty as well.

Sexy 90s librarian, gay. Early, mid-2000s. No, it was like mid-2000s, uh, uh, indie sleeves, it's called now. It was like. I have no idea. I'm going to show you the indie sleeves. You'll have to. All right.

But it's like straightened hair. Mm-hmm. A lot of eye makeup. Like the strokes. Here we go. Grease bath. Yeah, there's a greasy New York. That's not a great picture.

So there's an Instagram. Yes. Yes. American Apparel commercials. Are you seeing this? 900 likes 200 comments 5,000 follows that's weird

it's loading it's loading it's loading it's loading show me it's loading show me quicker see this is where it would be good to be doing

oh I fucked that out just as it was loading I clicked away here we go here we go so as you can see here yeah yeah I don't know what's wrong just to use more confusing words to explain

you know this look at that eyeshadow Yeah. Straight French. Is it like hot topic? Hot topic. I don't know what that is. A twee?

It's not quite twee. It's, that's closer. Show me because I can't. Okay. That's. He's showing me women dressed. With the indie,

I'm showing the indie sleaze. He's showing me porn. I'm showing the indie sleaze's Instagram page. Meg White. Meg White's a great example. Show me Meg White. There she is. Okay.

No, it's not quite right. It's kind of a tweet. My point is, my point is women don't look like, yeah, Zoe DeCinell was before and after and, you know, just straight fringes and peaches. Peaches. Peaches was big at the time. See what I'm saying? Yeah. This.

Yeah. That. Dirtbag, girl. You like, what do we call this now? Well, this doesn't exist anymore. Huh? This doesn't exist. anymore.

Fem cell. Fem cell? Yeah. Well, I think they were just, they went on to be, look at young Julian Casablancus. Wow. My sexuality is sort of young Julian Casablancus.

I find him this thick full Julian Casablancus lips. People who aren't Catholic just say they're gay, but James has to do a little long walk. Say that about himself. As a, well, I am living now with four, including my daughter.

No, the women. It's just, it's a house full of women. That's always been who you are. Sorry. Yes. I asked Taylor last and I said, how many autistic women am I a father figure too? She did some quick maths.

How many? I think about five. Oh, I thought it was unique. She, well, she said, uh, she said, does your daughter count? And she said, I'm her father. I'm not a father figure. She's also not autistic.

I don't think. I refuse to believe it. Oh, yeah. No, look. In the best way. You know, I was counting it out. I mean, Eve's not autistic at all. Anyway, the important thing, I'm not her father figure.

She's my mommy figure. She is your mommy. My mummy's inside now. I just met your mommy. Oh, you hadn't met my mommy before. You hadn't met mommy? Had not met mommy. Hi, mommy.

Hi, mommy. Yeah. You know, we all, you know. Anyway, great start to the podcast. What have you noticed about Australia? Sounds in the wrong place. Yes. What are you explaining that to the audience tonight?

I'm not going to... It is going to come out of me. I have nothing funny to say about it, but I'm probably talking about it. Oh, there's that thing about how when you say thank you, people respond, the way that people in America would respond if you had just said, I'm sorry. So they say things like, no worries.

And that's all right. Because when you're saying thank you in Australia, what you're really saying is I'm terribly sorry for the inconvenience, but you're thanking them for something that's usually their job. This is something Amos said that he was the first thing

he noticed when he came back is that he was on a bus. He's on the bus from the airport. I think probably the Sydney bus that you were at. You have to connect one terminal to the other. And a guy came over and goes,

I'm so sorry, mate. And Amos had been in America so I'm hearing that. He didn't know what was going to come next but he thought like some terrible piece of news he was ready for. And the guy goes, you know, could you just move a little bit

that way so I can put my bag away. And that is the, yeah, you're absolutely, it is wrong to infruit upon another person's life. In a way, I mean, golly, when I was in the Midwest, I found everyone. But it's not quite a politeness. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, it's not, you're right.

It's all the worst parts of politeness without any of the good parts of politeness. There's no smiles. It's all the apologies and the awkwardness and the long pauses and none of the smiling and the humbleness. and giving me a muffin without frowning at me. I had always, like, the American expression is, uh, I don't tread on me.

Yeah. And I think the Australian equivalent of that is not, sorry for treading on you. No, it's, uh, it's, uh, pull your head in.

We say that. Like, at birth? No, it's, uh, I imagined it. It's, get back in the room.

Pull your fucking head in. Like a turtle? Like, like, shoulders up. Someone's got their head sticking out. Oh. You've got to pull that head in.

Stay in line. Stay in line. Stay in line. But we say instead of stay in line, which would seem abusive and tyrannical, we say, pull your head in. Wait, let's do the American versions of both of our things. Because the American version of pull your head in, obviously, would be stick your head out. And then the Australian version of tread on me would be. Don't tread on me.

Don't tread on my head. Please no stepy. I mean, Americans say like, stay in your lane. Stay in your lane is one that they, that would mean that would mean the same thing. Pull your head in. Stay in your lane. Stay in your lane. Oh, stay in your lane's really, that's such a harsh thing to hear.

It actually feels, of all the things Americans say, stay in your lane feels the most un-American to me. Well, but when an American says, it's very, hits you deep down. Imagine an American saying that to another American out. It's, Oprah says it. Yeah. It's a big Oprah. I feel it's maybe more of like a black America thing. Oh, why does it hurt so bad?

I guess it is because the American, the American sentiment is. is that you are meant to step out of your lane and rise above. And so when someone is telling you, you know, in your case, stay in your fucking lane. It hurts. It hurts. So now I want you to just know that Australia is a whole country built

on staying your lane. Interesting. That feeling is the underlying. I'm really scared to do stand-up comedy for it. No, no, you're going to be great. I've noticed that you guys are very whimsical and blasé about gambling. Oh, yeah. took Ruby to a pokey room okay pokey it's called so it he said I'm gonna take you to

pokey and I was like oh good we're gonna eat fish and then we went to the pokey room pokey room is one that they were they have they have slot machines in the middle of a parking lot in the middle of a suburban neighborhood and it's just people gambling in there and it's called a pokey machine which is really interesting it's because you're poking the buttons so so they it's really it's like you know about like people first language yeah where they're like how you how how we like say stuff in our language is resembles how we think about it.

Yes. So it's like you guys think of gambling as the first act that you do when you're gambling, which is poking a little shiny button. It's so funny. What's the other word for gambling too? It's also too silly. It's missing. Having a punt.

Puntin on the pokies. Yeah. I'd like to tell you some more things about degenerate gambling in Australia. We have a lot of, so when you go into most pubs here. I keep on trying to, wait, I keep on trying to say the saying where it's, you forsake the forest for the trees.

What is it? You miss the forest for the trees. That's what calling the pokey, Because it's a gambling machine. When you go to a lot of suburban pubs here, they'll have like a horse racing room. So they'll have horses in the room. I wish. They have like five screens where around the world different horse races are being broadcast.

And you can bet on any of the horse races happening anywhere in the world from that machine. Except there is a couple of hours when it just so happens that no one quite has daylight hours where horse racing is happening. So maybe like, you know, over the Pacific. Yeah. Hawaii might not have horse racing there's no dog racing, horse racing chariot racing, whatever that's when

it goes to Japanese robot dogs where they play an animation of dogs racing and you bet on a they just have a video that they don't tell you who's winning the video and you can bet on the pre-recorded pre-rended computer

video so like at the end of a big night I'll bet on there, bet on that oh let's have a punt Ah, the racer over. Again, on the Japanese robot dogs. And it's an animated video where someone, it's predestined. I believe, yes, but they just don't tell you, you don't know. And they give it like pretend odds.

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you watch a bad 3D video of dogs racing. It's the most degenerate gamble, I believe, yeah. No, I love a pokey room. In Sydney, they call them VIP rooms. And they used to do a joke about it. It's on Kings Cross. They had all the VIP rooms.

Can I say two things? Oh, yeah. I want to tell them. Well, let's go ahead. Sorry. I just went down to King's Cross. I can see why they gave it that name. If I was the King, I would be absolutely furious at the things going down there.

We go to these VIP rooms. Let me tell you, I've seen those rooms. I've seen the P's. They're not VI. They're not even moderately I. He's the least eye people I've ever met in my life. That's good stuff. It only works in that city.

Really? I understood it. Well, maybe if, no, it's because I told you about King's, Christen. Maybe you'd have to find a shorter way to tell me. I couldn't explain what a pokey room was to you. You had to show me. Well,

you said, it's a pokey room. And I said, like fish. And you're like, da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da-da. And you did the song that it plays when you win. So you really did no work in actually explaining to me what it possibly could be.

Fruit machines? I've got the fruit machines. Because the fruit spins around. Me and the audience. Seven, seven, seven, good time.

Lucky, number one, bonus. All of these just sound like, like, like it could either be an art. arcade place or a pokey shop. All I have to give.

All I have to offer is my country. All I have to offer. You're going to be great tonight. It's going to be great. We're doing the gig tonight. Feel sick. You feel sick. You saw the office very briefly?

I'm glad that I understand you better now that I'm so jet lagged because I really can't think and I don't know how you do with so many kids because I'm really depressing. I can't think. And it's really strange and disorienting. That flight with the kids is so hard that to do it without the kids is like nothing. Yeah, no, I can't even imagine. I'm just so turned around and fucked up. There's a guy outside the coffee.

Tough. Go on. There's a guy outside the coffee shop, and I give him dollars, and he was always playing something on his phone. And then I realized that he was gambling on his phone. This is in Australia? No, this is in America. I haven't developed relationships with the homeless population yet.

I haven't been here for two days. It's huge that you managed to go and find a homeless or a living. They're not that hard. You know, they're not that. So not as many of them. You don't know about downtown Joe? Well, we don't call it a downtown. We call it the CBD.

Did I tell you the, what's that I'm saying for? Central Business District. Dick. Sorry. There is, by the way, there is one city in America. Cunt booboops dick, sorry. Boob's dick, yeah. It's my, I need more of them. I've got ADHD, a disgustingly huge dick.

Yeah. I've got PMS. Yeah. Pussy makes sad. And you don't know, I told you PMS, Pussy makes sad? I was really happy with Pousy Maksand. Really good. I'd like more.

I love saying them. I'd like to have like 10 riddled throughout the act. PMDD. Post-menstrual. Dysphoric disorder. Disorder disorder? Disordid disorder. ADHD.

Yeah, I got my daughter's got ADHD. Every time I look at your new baby, I think, tiny baby personality disorder. That's intrusively what hunters my brain every time I look at your. TBPD? Being able to quickly. Two boobs personality disorder. Oh, PMS. No, it's a...

A child will... Yeah, I've gotten a little fatter on this one keeps trying to suckle on me. So... Oh, sorry. That's all right. Like a baby, like your wife can tell you, no, you don't have big man tits, but the baby won't lie.

Baby don't lie about... Baby don't lie about who has tits. Baby, she's a ditty. Baby knows, anyway. That's funny. That could be something. Well, I have... Because I am fat at the moment.

I will be... You're not as fat as you think you are, I think. How fat do you think I am? How fat do you think I think I am? I think you're fatter than you are. I'm not movie star slim. We're about to be in a movie. For this movie, this is as slim as we'll be for this movie.

This is the sort of movie you don't want to see slim people. Be bummed out and distracting to see very attractive slim people in this movie. Well, luckily Amos said he's gained weight. He's going to have to come here and be real fat for me to be better. We can start jogging tomorrow. We can start working out tomorrow. And we would look better. I don't want to jog.

Bad for the knees. I know. I'm sorry. You get your Asian size. Now you're bigger than that. Yes, I think you'll do well here. I humbled you a bit too far. Well, I look, I hope you like Australia enough that you decide to have a career here.

It's odd who does and who doesn't. Andrew Schultz has a big career here. He keeps coming back, you know, once every year or two. Well, when we were first friends, am I led to say how much you hate Australia on the podcast? I love this country. Oh, okay, never mind. But go on. What did I say?

Well, you would just go on and on about how else. Australian comedy, and there is no good. Oh, Australian comedy. Gay, gay, gay, gay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then you'd be like, Ruby. They would love you. And so I still resent you for that.

So I'm making my peace. And to be fair, it's improved a great deal. Yeah. With a situation. Because it was that, it was the reverse. They were like, we're pushing women in people. Give me, gummy. They're pushing women on people.

They're pushing women on people. I push more women on anybody. A woman on the Patreon. Woman on the pod. Women in the movie. Women in the house. Women in the caravan. You know, I might have more father figures than you have autistic daughters.

Figures. I should have starting these gummies on the podcast. We'll pause for the gummies. You have a lot of father figures. But maybe I have as many father figures as you have autistic daughter figures. I think of you as a younger sister. But that only started when Bert took me out on the road. You were like, I can.

Yes, I'm not your dad. You were pretty hurt. Yeah, you were. No, I wasn't? You said you were. I'm choking on these guns. It was a fun bit. I, there are a lot of people, my problem with Australian comedy was, I thought there were a lot of people who were really great.

Yeah. Who didn't get the time of day. And there were a lot of people who were shitty, who got a lot. Yeah. And it's not to say they weren't good people who got a lot and bad people, you know. And it's just, it's such a fucking shitty thing to complain about. I think it was so bad in Australia that there is a reputation about Australian stand-up comedy where people will go, I don't want to see snap comedy in Australia.

Australians will go, oh, Australian stand-up comedy, no, thank you. They'll go and see Americans. I might even go and see British people, but they don't want to see their own people, which is not something that happens, as far as I can tell, in the UK or America. People in America don't go, oh, I must only have my Australian comedy. Get me a Canadian in here. It's cultural cringe. So what do you think about Australian comedy will be a...

especially good for my comedy. I think you're a great talent. I think you're from overseas, and that gives you an extra 50. Honestly, huge percentage boost. It's a bit like playing on easy mode. Yeah,

I have noticed that because everything is so slightly different from where I'm from, it doesn't feel real, and so that allows me to act with more confidence. This is what I meant. When I said, I think you could record an hour here, top down,

but like, just by, if you just mention, not this month, notice. No, it would be so, Well, we'll record that show.

You'll get so many reels from just walking, you know, if you did a show now, if we recorded tonight and you just noticed things that you'd seen, you would get five things that would pop. Yeah. So quickly. Yeah. And I'm also, I feel blessed because Shane came and Shane did that. Yeah. And also I managed to take it home. And it was the opening 10 minutes of his special, was just his walking around Australia stuff.

And his comments about Australia? Yeah. I don't. He started beautiful dogs is just him talking about Australia. I've seen that. I haven't noticed that it's about Australia. He must bring it back to himself in his life somehow. He's a, there's an Australian goth.

You don't remember this? No. He goes, he goes, Australia, it's a whole country doing nothing. It's a great bit. There's a great bit. No, there's a goth in a, he puts on a bucket hat for the first time because he's on holiday. And a goth says, nice hat, fatso. It's a great, it's, I was so proud when I saw it.

Last night I was at the pub. And they were playing music and it was beautiful, but a guy was playing. the piano and he finished his first song and he was and he said to the audience I'm not sure what I'm going to play next in terms of music and the man like that was like you're playing the piano did he get a lot he got a little giggle from the people around it but it was so that would not happen you don't do that in America zero fear of being shot being shot yeah that's what it is so my number one habit that I had to stop when I was in America being a dick Like cheeky

No, Dick is not So I had gotten This is a terrible habit to get into it But as a pedestrian When someone did something like Dangerous on the road It was honking or an argument in public or whatever Yeah

Was sort of like Cholo style Grabbing my penis Why? Like over the pants To show your toughness Hey man what the fuck all Like one arm goes out

You were doing that in Australia Yeah like crotch grab Like oh you're like Yeah, you want something? Like just as, almost as a funny thing. And then it did, for a while they'd develop into something that I would just, when angry, start doing. And never at a woman. Oh, my God.

Good. Only would grab my dick at men in anger. And that's how you get a house full of women. So, because I can protect this. But in America, it's not something that I'm in a position. I'm not proud of having done that. I'm not in a position to do that. You know, I think there's something kind of beautiful.

I just I wouldn't want to get shot there. So I would sometimes go to do it. Yeah. And then go, oh no. I must. Not here. Which kind of feels like more sexual if you go to grab your dick. I know.

It's like again, not sexual. Michael Jackson. More Michael Jackson. I know, but I'm saying if you're going to grab your dick in aggression, non-sexual, you have to follow through. But if you go to grab your dick and then become embarrassed. I'm not comfortable talking about this anymore. I'm just saying honking.

I should have just made it about honking because I also used to honk. Yeah. And here I honk. and in America I try not to harm. In Texas. But it feels really good when you're risking your life to be angry.

There's something quite free about that. Here we go. I'm going out on a point of principle. Texas was... Scary. I love that. I think you guys are more scared of America than I am.

And I think it's like... But I understand that it is a scary place, but when you read about a place, and that's your understanding of a place all the time, and you're not from there and inside of it. Like, I was scared of spiders and kangaroons, and I've seen neither. No. I think also we got used to certain...

We got less scared of America longer with it. I wouldn't be scared to be in America now. But you know what I mean? Like, every, like, every, like, news thing is obviously going to be the worst thing. I mean, there was a day she came back from the library and said, there was a shooting date. There was a shooting at the library this morning. Like, it was in the Austin City Library. Yeah, yeah.

She said there was a shooting at the library. She went in the afternoon, but, like, people were talking about it. Like, they hadn't even shut down the library. like there was a shooting at the library yeah i said oh because i thought she'd be frightened and it's like oh this is terrible she said no it's right it was targeted and then we just sort of moved on with the day but it's like yeah it was one person who wanted to shoot a specific person who so happened to be at the library and shot at them yeah but it's like oh it wasn't a random drive by we were always safe we were always safe targeted shooting targeted shooting thank god and it's like don't

worry yeah you don't even have to one time i went into convenience store near my house and there's this guy who just he was always sort of like did his like he just sort of had just like a like stone cold attitude and we went in there and they were playing back videotape on the like screen

that you can see in there and it was of him being robbed 10 minutes earlier and he was like playing it for a cop nearby and also he just also didn't have any emotion he was like yeah this is what happened the cop was like him and we were just watching him

watch himself be robbed and we were like when was this from he was like this just happened like we probably like opened the door for the guy who just robbed him there's um there's a great australian clip at the moment going around of a guy on the street who's got his phone out and he's recording a guy in his yute who's screaming at him uh his truck and the guy like gets out of the truck and he's like threatening to bash the guy for having his camera out yeah and then a different guy like so the guy gets out of his truck and I said fucking beat someone for no reason. Yeah.

To have one point against the guy recording him as he does, like, when the guy comes over, he takes a big step behind his girlfriend. And he's recording the guy from behind his girlfriend. And the guy is like, you're hiding behind your muscles? He's a big islander. It's a big island man who goes, oh, a real tough guy, hiding behind his muscles. But then as that guy is, like, getting in his face and the other guy's hiding behind the woman,

a third guy gets into the truck and tries to steal it because the guy's left his And it's just some like methed out guy with a You just see him in the background with a shopping car This guy looking around and then It's quietly gets in the truck and starts to drag away And then the guy runs back Why is it?

So the gun thing is really what makes America More dangerous. The crimes are But aren't there more like knifings? Yeah Yeah Yeah It's not as bad as the UK

I mean it's The knifings The knifings We don't have a huge I mean look for me being corrected but we don't have the same narrative of knife crime as they've got in the UK. Yeah. It's just a happy place where everyone gets along.

Yeah. Except all that, you know. People who don't get along. Foreigners. Yeah. Who I love. No, but seriously, folks, it's great to be here with Ruby Sitnik in the caravan in Australia. Just some quick updates maybe for people.

The Patreon's ongoing. That's going really well. Just before we resume the podcast. We're making the movie. That's taking up a lot of the energy. There will be video components of the podcast going forward. This is probably the last one that hasn't ever video because Sam Clark and I have gone and got an office.

We've got an office and we've got the office. We've got the office. We'll get in the keys for the office this week. Big work coming. There'll be a set, I think. It'll be great. We'll find you some jokes. You're getting ready to say your jokes for time?

Yeah. I went through this with Samantha as well. Trying to figure out what I was going to say. I've got so little. What have you got? If a service person makes a generalization about a group of people, I don't think it's a stereotype. I think it's a reality that they're living every day.

Live the experience. Yeah, like waitress is allowed to be racist. Canoes don't tip. Wait. Racist, waitresses. Waitresses. Waitresses, racises. I think I love you is pretty meaningless in a long-term relationship.

It's just kind of white noise. It's background noise. It's sort of like, but I like you, it's like, oh, wow, really? Still. You don't have to do that. I think the guys, I think the guys with the best deal in society for like life and pleasure and joy. Yeah. Is closeted gay men with families.

Have we discussed this? Mm-hmm. I disagree. It's like, you know, I've got my, I've got my wife and I love her so much. And there's just a lot of like, like, white. wild sex out there that I'm not having with strangers. And if a guy does that with ladies, if a guy's cheating on his wife with ladies.

Super personal. That's so disgusting. Can't do that. But if a guy's cheating on his wife with a bunch of gay guys, that's so special and beautiful and so sad, that he doesn't just get to be who he wants to be. Yeah. And he has to keep it in the toilets.

Yeah. You don't think there's anything there? There could be something there. It just seems like sometimes it's like, it's like reality. It's like, all. all these guys who are married and then fuck around with other men. Yeah.

It's like people go, no one is like, fuck that guy. No, yeah. Yes, that's true. He's allowed. That's what I mean. And he gets the best of both worlds. That's why I'm saying. I'm not saying that's what I do.

I'm not saying that's who I am. You know, I do think if a woman comes around with another woman that's less accepted. Yeah, that's a full emotional betrayal. Why? Well, because they probably talk in a beautiful way. They do probably talk to each other. Whereas the. Anytime a woman isn't.

involved. It's a horrifying betrayal. Let me tell you. If a woman's getting together with a stranger who's a woman in a public toilet. Yeah. I've never heard about it. My new punchline list thing that I can't stop saying on stage is that lesbians are really mean. Get that out tonight. See how it feels.

I tell you by a joke about like recognizing Palestine. Our countries don't recognize Palestine. Yeah. All right. Fine. Suicide attempt. Survivor joke. Methypira GameCube

Okay, this is a complicated idea That I don't know how That'll be probably like a long act out But it's like Because the distance from my head to my tongue Is a slippy slide Every like the thoughts are faster Than the person who knows what to say

Brain to tongue Head to tongue What did I say? You said head to tongue And I meant brain to tongue Okay So from your head to your tongue Is a slippy slide

It's just sort of It's like dropping something in the well It pretty much reaches the bottom right away Okay So what you'd like Like is your mouth to be somewhere on the knees? No, I would just like to be able to think through things before I say them. That's my point.

What if we all had tongues for fingers? Then I could raise them above my head and the thoughts take some time and effort to get up to the hands. I was in a... Periscope mouth. I was renting a periscope mouth. I was in a car rental place on the road. Yeah. And it was full of people, which I couldn't understand why,

because I don't understand why anybody aside for. I can't understand why anybody aside from comedians would ever need to rent a car. I don't understand who is who is doing that. I've only ever done it in the sense of families on holiday. Maybe. Anyways, I was there and everybody at the car rental place hates you, especially the people who work there. Yeah.

And we got the car and I was very hungover and there was this vending machine and it was one of those vending machines that acts like an animatronic Disneyland thing. Like it's doing all of this work. Oh, yes. Before it brings you the water. The robot is sort of slowly bringing you the water, but it's doing this little show and dance before it gets you the water

and then it started to glitch and then I started to hit it because I was so frustrated about my present reality and then as we were walking away Benton my boyfriend said French family was recording you and I was imagining it getting to like the French media and the mean

oh yes these Americans they hit the machines for their water this is where we have the spring that moves slowly in one circle and the water fall down. Americans fighting robots for water. Wow.

Yeah, I think it's pleasant. So I have all this Ronald McDonald and at the end of the day, the Puritan impulse to fight machine. Fight machine or water in bottle called Avian. I think I've run everything I've got, is Jared keeping that weight off? a man was reading a Steinbeck book that I liked outside of an older man and Benton and I were about to walk in and we saw him doing that.

We're like, oh, we like, we like that book. And he like put the book down. He was like, I was so moved by this book that I called my brother who lives in Michigan. And what, and I realized that between men, where you are calling from is a barrier. Even though it's the same amount of effort to call him if he'd live just down in. LA. I don't know. There's something there.

In Michigan. In Michigan, I called him. I like that. Something about that I do like. We're closing the show tonight, by the way. Oh, yeah. You can close it. I'll open for you closing it.

Yeah, you are. You're going on ninth. I'm going on 10th. It's a big lineup show. Oh, one thing that'll be weird here is they have intermissions during the line-up show. So there'll be like three acts in and then a break. and then three weeks and then a break. Awful.

It makes the night go for a long time. But that way, because there's no table service. We will show up late. We will show up late. Can I do one more? Oh, I wish you would. I wish I had one to interject as well. I did this joke for a while and it was working and then it stopped and I don't know why.

But I saw a, like, crazy guy. Like, he was talking to himself crazy and he didn't have a Bluetooth. But he was really well dressed. Like, he was wearing, like, a suit and, like, a tux and, like, loafer. Like he was like a he looked like a business guy But he was fully crazy talking to himself Nice And what I realized was that what I was seen was a crazy guy

On his first day of being crazy Love that People don't laugh at that People don't laugh They laugh at the beach And now they're just like that's sad Maybe I have to just keep talking about it You know what's more uplifting?

Like that's sad But isn't that a funny like interesting Here's what would be super uplifting Yeah Guy with like torn clothes Yeah Yeah And dark and blood and shaky hair

Yeah Just like Walking in somewhere and be like, hello, excuse me, can I just, can I have a bottle of water? I'm ready to get myself in a crazy. And that's a crazy person on their last day of being crazy. That's what I'm saying.

The last day, I'm crazy. Oh, yeah, good. It's like a shaggy man, walking into a 7-Eleven, goes, if you got a toothbrush, I think I need one, I'm ready to turn this around.

That's so good. It gives, like, charitable haircuts. You totally fix that joke for me. That seems more uplifting guy, crazy guys last day. The other homeless person, joke that I have right now is when I went to the zoo while it was raining.

because I was depressed and I saw I already told you this. Can I say that? Did animals still have to be there in the rain? That's all I remember. Well, the other thing is that I saw a homeless person at the zoo. It was just me and this homeless person at the zoo because it was raining and the homeless person was staring at a lizard in the closure. And the lizard was staring at the homeless person. And I thought that the homeless person was probably thinking I would like to be in a warm enclosed space.

And the lizard was probably thinking, I would like to do crack in the wind. And then I was thinking that that should have been Freaky Friday too. And they switch places and they learn it's not so easy. and Lindsay Lohan can play the lizard because she already does. I tried to give you a tag for it. What was your tag? I forgot that it went to Freaky Friday, which is great to wish.

The tag I wanted to give was like, they should do Freaky Friday. I guess you couldn't do that because they both get exactly what they want. There'd be no narrative tension. Wait, wait. Oh, because yeah. Well. I hope I would just be like,

this is everything I've ever wanted. And the lizard would be like, oh, fuck! And then they go on. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes.

Wait, explain to me. Because in Freaky Friday, though, don't they both think that the other has it so easy? Yeah, but then they learn that it's actually not that easy. Yeah. So wouldn't that be it work? I don't know. I think with an actual lizard brain. Oh, in this case, you think that's just a good idea?

Yeah, I just actually think it's a good idea. I don't know where they would run into any problems. No, Lizzie's going to be like, get me back in my glass box. No, hobos love freedom. Hobo why is hobo offensive It's not Homeless What is the bo's stand for?

Bocey Homeless boosy I don't think it's like Soho Where it's like south of that's Hobo I'm not the Boston Homeless of Boston

Homeless of the Do homeless people come from Boston? Probably not Even in the Boston It's built for horses Did you know that Do you know that's why it's like that You ever you walk around in Boston

you think everything's too tall. Are you ready for this? I don't know this. Horses are from Boston. If you say that, I'll kill myself. A hobo travels and wants to work. A hobo is not just a bum. A hobo travels and wants to work.

This is what AI is saying. A tramp travels but avoids work. A bum does not travel and does not work. There used to be so many grades of homeless. Yeah. You can't be homeless traveling and wanting to work anymore. I think there, probably less illness and less drugs.

Yeah. And so it was just more of a... Totally. And I know you won't, you think Steinbeck is too dry and I, but... I'll be reading. I'm just... He talks a lot about like American homeless and like early, like,

back when Chinese were Mexicans, culturally. Whatever time that was, back when Chinese were Mexicans. Chinese Mexican. Do you know what I mean? Yeah. And how like you would be homeless, but what that means is you hung out with... It meant that you were an artist sort of, Like you were like, you didn't fit in, like, like you would sit at the river.

You're a bit bohemian. Yeah, you just drink at the river. Also, I feel like alcohol is not, was not as bad for you back then. No, I know that technically it was, but like, like if you're a pirate on a ship. Yeah. In the olden times. Oh, rum. You have to have rum.

That's how you get through. It used to be more watered down. And also, I think people, you know, like, alcoholics get, they stop getting drunk at some point. Yeah. I think there would be more of that. Not my dad. Sorry. Some people have to really push it together.

He kept going. I mean, I always think this about, but like when you watch people's talk, like on the waterfront, I think there's like a drunk in the park. Yeah. Get out of here, rummy. And like, that's the vagrant. It's just a drunk guy in the park. Yeah.

And now Amos Gil used to do a whole bit about it. He stopped doing, but he's like, his joke was about guys getting drunk and fighting you. And it's worse now that everyone's on like meth and Red Bull. because like an old drunk car would take a swing at you and he'd fall down and he's on the other side of the street and a new guy who's beating you up in town he does a lap the block six times and fly kicks you in the jaw Yeah, he's so much energy

He's super focused Crack, crack Scizophrenia? Yeah Boy, give me a run guy A little taste of crack Because I had an Adderall addiction And at the speed

Yeah well at the worst of it I told Taylor about this I don't know if I told you But I was walking around Because I was convinced that my skin looked really bad. Yeah. And I was like, I need to get all the skin care.

Yeah. And so I was stealing a lot of skin care. Okay. From a place that rhymes with Farget. And then I ran out of money because I would buy a little bit and steal with it. But then I ran out of money to even buy the little bit that I would steal a bunch more with. So if you got caught, you'd be able to go whoopsie daisy. So I started to, yeah.

So I started to wander the streets and I would think about mugging people. Yeah. But not mugging them. I would think about like stealing their wallets while they were out partying. And then when I felt like. Oh, they were out partying? Yeah, because I lived in like a party part of town. Oh, so like when women leave all their handbags and just like grab a wallet, use it to buy a little bit to steal the rest of the skincare.

Yeah. And then I would also think about like going into people's bathrooms and like stealing their moisturizers. Like when you go over their house. And at the time that all felt like a really good idea. I think it's all sensible. But also now when I see people wandering, you know what I mean? suspicious of the wanderer now. Yeah, because I understand that they're desperate in some way and that they think their bad ideas are good.

You know what I mean? And I understand what that felt like. So. I mean, I probably would have that with, um, I understand. Do you? Yes. It didn't matter. I have stumbled around, uh, public in a state of high anxiety.

Yeah. And lost. Not really known it was anxiety. Yeah. And had just had full terror. Yeah. What am I going to do? What's going to happen?

Yeah. It's dreadful. Yeah. And I don't know what the answer to that is other than having a house. No, and I did have a house and that helped. And if I didn't, I would be on more drugs. I have been unhoused a couple of times. Not for long stretches.

Yeah. And only once with the family where we were moving from place to place and didn't know where we, we didn't have any money and we didn't have anywhere to go when we got there Yeah I mean it all came together But like that was a bit That was more

What would we say of the three that was We would say that was hobo behavior Travels and wants to work But Yeah you may have been one of the last hobos Oh sorry One of the latest hobos Contemporary hobo

Contemporary homo But there were there were comedy festival There was a comedy festival Where I went through a breakup And couldn't go home And didn't have any money and I just would like stay up at night and sleep in public during the day and had my like clean my teeth.

You've only really had one breakup that was hard, right? No, I have a couple. But I mean, I know they were all hard. All breakups are hard. But you had only one heartbreak, right? No. I know that from a poem that one time I read of yours. That's what you posited in the poem.

This is what it looked like as your therapist in the movie. Yes. Oh, terrifying. Not the right glasses for you. Did I have heartbreak? I actually, I mean, the first, I think I only got broken up with one time. Yeah.

You can be heartbroken even if you have to break up with a person. Almost more sometimes, because it's the Otis is on you to be decisive. Yeah, and it also be a really, like, the bad guy. Not only are you the bad guy, you're also the decider, and if you've chosen wrong, the question of whether or not you've chosen wrong will haunt you.

And you have go backing power. I did once use the go backing power because someone... Bullied you into it? Well, not bullied, but just was like... Politely asked, which is your version of bullying? You know... If anyone ever wants to bully James, politely ask him to do something that you think maybe he doesn't want to do...

You have to build up tolerance for other people may be committing suicide because of what you're doing to them. Do you know what I mean? But the ones who are making you think that they might commit it suicide were... I know. Usually aren't the ones who will. I know. Yeah, but of course, at the time it feels serious.

First time around. I had that with... In your early 20s. Yeah. Yes. But you just don't, you don't know. I don't know so many people like, but I'm worried that they might. And sometimes the ends on that.

And hey, sometimes they do. Yeah. I just... It's tough. Yeah. But the breakup, a lady broke up with me. We dated in high school and she broke up with me. And I was...

Really sad. Really sad. And then... Was it kind of first love kind of thing? It was my first post-pubity girlfriend. I used to, I had lots of girlfriends, but post-pubity, but post-pubity, they just hit a bit different. Yep. And sometimes they literally hit different.

Women hit me. Now, the important thing is that, yeah, I remember this lady breaking out with me, and for years I was sad about it. Yeah. Years, you know? And, like, went on and lived my wife, whatever, but, like, I was really sad that I got broken up with it. Yeah. And then I'm not proud of this. Yeah.

But sometime later, I, we reconvened. Yeah. Intimate capacity. And then I made out with a different woman in front of her at a party sort of on purpose for vengeance. After the reconvenience? Yeah. Did you have that in mind during the reconvenience? I just felt it's like a form of vengeance.

It was like two things. So interesting. And now I just don't remember anything of that lately. It doesn't hurt ever. Wow. And did the vengeance help you get over it? Oh, yeah. You know, one time, oh.

Which is a terrible lesson. It is a terrible lesson. Because I don't believe in vengeance. So many good lessons are terrible. And I think one of the reasons, it's not like vengeance doesn't work and you shouldn't use it. It's too powerful. It does work. You can make the hurt go away by hurting them back.

It's crazy how powerful vengeance is. There are ways probably to, when I, I, the first person who ever really badly heckled me, and I probably haven't had one as bad as this since. Yeah. I was doing my dirty jokes when I was very young and I was too young to pull them off and I was in front of an older crowd and they were too dirty and I was too young. And a woman stood up and said, you're not funny and you need a leap. She like stood up. She didn't like me. I saw her not like me and then I saw her decide to say that and then I saw her sit and then I saw her sit and then I saw her sit and then I saw her sit and then I saw her sit and then I saw her sit. And then I sort of took it on the nose and I record all of my sets.

And if you listen back to that particular recording, you'll hear me be like, oh, whatever and finish my set and sort of shakily and then you'll hear a bathroom door open and then you'll hear me crying. Have you still got it? Yeah. Wow. Can we close the pod with it? Oh, God. That's a joke. It's a joke.

But I would. I would. That would be a very strong ending to the podcast if we could have your tears reverberating around a comedy club bathroom. Let me see if it's on this phone. But what I was going to say is I didn't get over that. Yeah. Until, for many months, I was afraid of stand-up because it never, it never occurred to me.

It could go that badly. Until I wrote a joke about her. And then I was over. it. Revenge. Do you tell me the joke? Do you read the jokes? Well, the jokes were all the earliest version of the cum joke that now has been immortalized.

Really? Yeah. And then I added a tag to it. But how did, hold on, how did you get from the, uh, from the come joke from, how did you get from hating a woman in the crowd to the come joke? Okay. I was telling a cum joke. Yes.

The earlier version of the cum joke that you know. Yeah. It was. She heckled you. She heckled me. Yes. And then I finished the rest of it. of the joke and then I was scared of stand-up for months

and then I wrote a joke about her heckle. That's what I want. I'm saying what is the her heckle? What's the joke about her-ke? Okay, so the initial joke is about how men don't clean up their come with enough urgency. Yes. And the joke about her heckle was one time I made that joke and a woman stood up and said, you're not funny and you need to leave

and basically some sort of version of like, I guess that woman loved come or something like that. I don't remember that tag. Well, I don't think I stopped using that tag because now I sort of later and my career, I found it kind of hacky to be like, one time I told that joke and a woman did this. Yes, we was healing for you at the time. At the time, it was really necessary.

And then in terms of that thing we were talking about before, about noticing what people are doing and then learning from it. Yeah. It's like every time you see a comedian doing that. Well, one time, I said this. I said that and then I said this. Yeah. Oh, the amount of pain you must be carrying around within yourself to need to do that so often. Yeah.

One time I said something funny. And so on that I said this. It's not about pain. I feel like. Listen this. All right. I'm not going to say who. But there is a guy in Australia who's in.

100% of his act. It's not an unsuccessful comedian. 100% of his act is saying things that he has said in public to other people. Yeah, crazy. We're devastating. Yeah. And then he says his own name and points it himself. That's crazy.

Because saying you're on a name and pointing yourself, the jokes that he's doing is the joke version of that. This guy. Also, what's wrong about it is you're telling a story where you have all the power. Yeah. It's like, I'm the cool guy and I got him. He said that. And I said this. Yeah.

Eddie says, isn't that? Ruby Sending, thanks for coming on the book. We've got to wrap up there and have fish and chips. Okay.