The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - S2 Ep25: it's all going to be alright

Episode Date: August 13, 2026

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It's all going to be all right. It is all going to be all right. If it ain't all right, you ain't seeing all of it. Oh, sometimes in this life we struggle. Sometimes we despair. Don't do it. You probably have to do it. We all have to do it.

We all have to despair. We all have to go through the desperation to get the other side. otherwise there wouldn't be another side. My point is, I have it, I had, I had, oh, seconds ago when I started this podcast, I had this overwhelming sense that it was all going to be all right. As I continue on through the minute, you better believe I feel less certain that it's all right. Starting to feel like it's all bad.

Anyway, but it's not. It's all going to be all right. No, it's all going to be all right. Listen, man, that's the secret to success is being able to hang on to the feeling of it's all going to be all right for as long as you can, for as long and sustain. I mean, that would be such a gift for you if I could really communicate that it was all going to be all right for more than about 10. I can hold on to it for about 10 seconds, and then I can think about it for a good long

while after that, but I don't, I don't think I can outwardly project it all being all right for very long. I'm going to work on that. I'm making this movie now. I got this office. We've taken out this office. There's this room, there's another room there. There's more stuff in the other room, so I'm doing it here in this bare space and the acoustics. It's a bit echo, it's too echoey, it's too echoey. It's going to be alright, but it's a bit too echoey. In the future, Sam Clark will have a camera somewhere here, or maybe even here, maybe towards the here area. And this will be a beautiful professional podcast area. But for the time being, as we transition towards what I assume will at some point be season three of the James Donald Forbes-McCandter-Maran plan, anyway, I don't want to talk about it.

I bought this rug. Felt good in the store to buy the big cat rug. Feels very small and expensive and dumb, and a lot of people hate it. Now listen, some people, though, I go, yeah, some people understand the rug. It is all going to be all right. We're making a film. We started shooting a couple weeks ago. We are continuing on with filming tomorrow.

There has been no visual component for the podcast for some time because I've been focusing on that. But I decided that people deserve a little audiovisual treat. Because I have the news that it is all going to be all right. It's weird leading a team. You have to project calm. Or you can be a real mess and then they all get the fun of helping you. Oh, watch out. We're going to help him.

We're going to look after him. You can either look after them. Or flip that script. Use your power to make them look after you. It's all going to be all right. I got this big new laptop because the last one stopped working. It's going to be all right. Filming this scene tomorrow, it's going to be great.

My friend Ruby's in town. She was on the podcast last week. There was no visual. But this time there will be a visual. Because I believe people deserve to have a visual element throughout their lives if they so desire. It is all going to be all right. We have an office.

It's as soothing to have an office. If I start using my telephone as a video camera, camera and put it on the aeroplane mode, no one can bother me except if my shouting has a neighbor come and knock on the window, otherwise, you know, and most people aren't even in the building. It's getting later. It felt important to have an office. I've been screaming out of my car for a long time. Maybe some of the charm will disappear now that we have an office, maybe a robust charm.

But we couldn't meaningfully hold onto lo-fi charm. This echoey office is about as close to Lofi charm as we can get anymore because the podcast and this comedy and the projects they became sufficiently successful that, you know, it's like at some point it's not, oh, it's a guy doing his best, it's like, well, that's a bit of a strange embarrassment, you know, is why rap, I've talked about this a lot, a bit like why rap musicians, you know, they can go,

I'm going to make it, and then they make and go, I've made it, and then they go, six, seven albums are going, ooh, I got a lot of money, I got a big gold chain, got a nice, fat ass on my bitch, You know, that sort of thing. Oh, yeah, big fat, oh, motherfoggle, slap that big old fat, bra, bah, pop, pop. They can say all these things, and people go, yes, he deserves his wealth. But if you're a punk rock and roll musician and you have a good punk album, you go, oh, we're

gross, we suck, we're disgusting. And you go, wonderful, that's great, that's authentic. But then on the next record, they're going, yeah, it's that again, it's gross, it's grotty, it's bad, the microphones don't even plug in properly, and you go, well, but you just made millions of dollars. It's all going to be all right. The leopard. We must grow.

We must change. To stay the same, we must change. We're here in the office. The leopard. Is that a leopard? Is that a leopard? That would be great if that was a leopard, and that's why I could say I got it.

That's not why I got it. In the other room, I'll tell you, we've got desks, we got chairs. We had some Asian soups earlier today. I'm editing my comedy special. It's so unpleasant to watch one's self back. I'm going to try and make very careful and deliberate statements such that I don't say anything that I have to watch back or edit out of this one because I've seen so much of myself today.

I've seen too much of myself. I don't like seeing my as enough. It's enough. It's my big new, shiny, not having hair type situation. It is all going to be all right. I know some of you, pivot now. Pivot now. That's enough talking about me. Now it's time to talk about you. I know some of you out there. You must be saying, James, it's not going to be all right. for me. I have no legs. My phone is dying. I'm on the side of a mountain. This is the only podcast. I had already downloaded. No one is coming to help me. There is no food. There is no water. I am in a state of mortal sin and I have no contrition. I don't have no priest, but even if there was a priest here, no, contrition, for my sins, for I have a fragmented person, as fragmented as my body,

so too is my spirit and my personality, fragmented, legs over here, conscience over there, and yet I feel great pain and misery. How dare you here on this podcast tell me that it's all going to be right? Hey, even you, let me tell you, it's all going to be all right. I might have been screaming a bit too loudly in this echoey space because I can now hear a ringing in this year. And I can't hear anything in at all. Perhaps I'm being bio-attacked. Perhaps I'm keeping it too real and too fresh for too many people. Perhaps I should calm down.

It just sounds so nice when it's big and loud and echoing. I've been having trouble with my ears. I've got to do something about that. I saw a protest today. We went outside. We saw a protest. Golly gosh. It's all going to be all right.

I don't think I've ever been on a protest that I believed in. Even when it's something I believe in and they have a protest about it, I'll be honest, I don't go. I don't know why. It's not who I am. And then I get upset with Australia. I go, Australians, don't pound the pavement and get things done. But I would never help. There's so many noises.

It's all going to be all right. We're doing something big. You know, whether it's the stand-up special and a tour and having to do the edit and develop them. You know what I'm saying? You can do little things. You can do a little real. You can do a TikTok reel or you can do a little essay. But if you're writing a book, you know, making a movie, you can do a sketch, but you do a movie,

you do a big thing. It takes longer and you have to disappear for a while. This podcast, this doesn't take me very long. I set up the camera, I turn it on, start screaming about how it's going to be all right in the middle of this big empty office that will one day be a beautiful studio, but isn't right now. Oh, it's all going to be all right. It's all going to be all. It's all going to be all.

It's all going to be all. Oh, it's all going to be all. Oh, it's all going to be all going to be all. It's all going to be all right. Doing a big thing and walking away is hard. I've got to be honest. I don't have as much dopamine coursing through my brain as there was when I was doing smaller things, working towards these bigger things.

And then I worry that these big things will fail. I'm working with so many great people. So it's only, you know, if they fail, that'll be my fault that they fail. But it's hard to do a big thing, you know? We live in an age that begs you to do the small thing. Sometimes you go and do the big thing. You know, you're Christopher Nolan. make the Odyssey and people still go,

it seemed like a gay movie to me. It seems like a black trans, gay, shame. Where was the sex? Not enough. White. You go, that was years of that man. There was everything he'd thought about doing since Tenet or Oppenheimer. Man, he actually does make big movies very quickly.

It was Oppenheimer was the last one. I guess that wasn't that long an amount of time. It's all going to be all right. Doing a big thing. The rewards are big for doing a big thing. The rewards are small for doing a small thing. Where have you gone, hawk to a woman? What are you hawking and towing from now?

Do you do a small thing? We must do big things. We must take the time and do big things. I see all these YouTube people, these YouTube great. I really like some of these YouTube people. They go, we're getting worn down from creating content every week. And I think, yeah, I mean, I kind of get it. But also, why don't you just go and do one big thing a year?

I would pay, you're great. I love you. Do one thing a year. I'll pay you to go and see it. I'll pay to download it. Please, but they won't. Because people are afraid to go away. I mean, I'm afraid to go away and I feel I've done it.

I say, I mean, here I am talking into a microphone in a room, but it's all going to be all right. It is all going to be all right. We're working so many. I'm so many people working on this movie and they're doing such a fantastic job and I'm a little, I don't really want to have one of my classic James Donald Fawkes-McCand

mental breakdown episodes of the pod even though that, you know, I'm not under a bit of stress and that's usually what I would do to feel better at this point but I mean everyone I'm working on the movie with and all these people who have given me money to make the movie and, you know, running around and doing all these wonderful things they're so great. I don't want them seeing that on the set.

I don't want people talking about that on the set tomorrow. I don't want people going, oh, man, Jimmy last night, he was up in the office, he was having a scream. He was having a big scream, and now he's here acting like, he's fine, well, I am fine. And you know why I'm fine? You know I'm fine. You know I'm fine, you know, I'm fine, because it's all going to be all right. Ha, ho! August is the perfect time to hit reset before the autumn rush begins. And honestly, I can't think of a better place to start than my closet.

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get free shipping on your order, and 365-day returns, now available in Canada and the UK too. That's Quince, Q-U-I-N-C-C-E dot com slash Catamaran. And that's the end of the commercial. Here's the other part of the office. We're experimenting with different, I mean, that's resting, the camera's resting on a third desk.

That's another desk. Here's my desk from home. Now I don't have a desk at home, but that's sort of what we're after. I just emptied out my backpack the other day. My tea was the traveling toothbrush that I had. Switchblade. I bought that plant. I have some deodorant.

I have a tablecloth. I have a terrible, terrible towel. You know, that sort of thing. There are some things that I have to get done. Oh, I'll show you the vase. I had had the vase at home. I was pretty shocked that it hadn't been knocked it down. I put some blackboard paint on the wall.

I'll show you now. I guess I'll show you now. Would you like to see it now? I'll show you now. Here we go. So we've got Catamaran Industries, what we're doing here. We're going to get the clown joke. Organ hour, another organ hour, fresh organ hour.

The special working on that. Wimbledog. Have to get on that. The poetry book. The pod to a millie. I don't even know what that means. I don't know if that's a million people or subscribers or whatever. At the moment, it's, yeah, we've got to do something to turn the pot around.

And merch, and we'll be working on that. What? I'm playing a lot more video game. It's odd because we're making the movie. And so it's, you know, it's hard work for spurts. And then there is some time down. And I thought, you know, should I be reading Ulysses? Should I be learning to dance or going to the gymnasium and working on my body?

Yes, yes, I should be doing those things. But I don't do those things. I've started just playing track mania. And I've known friends who play track mania, and I'm 20, 30 years late to the party, but it's quite nice to find the line, just find the perfect video game, and you have a little race,

so just against yourself, and you get a time, and then you try and beat that time, but you can see your best time. And I go, oh, going to zoom in past me. And the physics of it are quite strange. You get to like 100 miles or kilometers or whatever fancy pretend, you know,

And then you change gears and slow down, but it's automatic. But you've got to be, you know, when you do the turn, when you're going downhill, all the tires connecting with the road, when you start turning, how do you turn, do you do a normal turn, do you ease off the brakes into a turn, do you do a power slide. You've got to decide all of these things. It's very minute differences in the angles and the weight of the vehicle and going uphill, going downhill, in between my ladies' chambers. You know what I'm saying? I'm loving. I'm finding it. But am I relaxing or is it making me weaker?

Is it just passing the time until I sleep again? I don't feel it's actually an especially restorative experience. And I think if I keep playing that video game, I'm going to get weaker and dumber and worse, and I'm not going to be doing all the things I want to be doing, whereas if I was lifting and being strong... It's all going to be all right. Listen, look, by and large, here's positive news.

We're making the thing we want to make, and we're here in this office. And isn't it a nice office? I can't wait to have people here doing things. making stuff in the office. First you get the office, then the work will come. Girl math. Girlie math.

New album coming soon, thanks to the office. We're going to have to do something about this sound... I mean, we cannot have... We cannot... Woo! We cannot have this kind of reverberation around the office. Not for the podcast. That might we'll have to have something on the ceiling,

have to have something on the floor, a bigger rug than that. Perhaps got a carpet warehouse, get some off cuts. I can feel it. It's all going to be all right. Sam Clark's looking into some merchandise. It'd be very nice to have him back on the podcast. We miss him, we miss him, we miss him, we miss him.

We spend all day together. Anyway, and Samantha's doing a great job, and Ruby's in town, and Amos is coming on Sunday, and there's all these moving parts and investors, and the crew, the lads, the lighting team, and Anna Freya's doing such a great job. We've got all these people said that would be extras. Thank you so much.

For everyone who agreed to be an extra, we'll do another call out. Very soon, I'm sure, for more extras on the other days, and I went this morning to a theater. There's a scene with a circus, and I have to make the inside of a building look like a circus tent. Because, let me, hey, here's a show. It's not actually that easy to get a circus tent when you want one. You've got to deal with Kearney people,

and some of them are pretty great. And some of them are effing hopeless. But most of them are the ones who I still need to work with in the future? The best. The best. Oh, yeah, they're the best. They're so good. They're the best.

Ha! So much room for Rect. I think I'll get a couch here so that people can, you know, fall asleep here. That'll be nice for them. I think, well, you know, there's so many things, hammock, board games, big table. I thought about getting some astro turf, but now I'm here. Why not just actually grow lawn? It's all going to be all right.

It's all going to be all right. We have the lease for a year. And in that time, you know, it's not very expensive. Office of real estate is so much cheaper than its commercial counterpart. Why? A couple of reasons. think, number one, it's only two rooms, and none of them have to be a bathroom, so there's no pipes, no water. I think zoning, I think people aren't allowed to live here. People aren't

allowed to have this be their home. But, yeah, honestly, could I live here with my young family? No, no, no, you'd need another couple of rooms. But I think, you know, as time goes by and fewer people want to, you know, economics, economics, finance, finance, numbers, numbers, math, government, people, the state, choices, real estate, such enthusiastic and exciting things. Today I'm the James Donald Fawkes-McCann, Catamaran plant. It's all going to be all right. I'm trying to memorize the lines for this movie. I don't, I just, I read my own lines and trying to remember them, and I go, wow, how is anyone supposed to ever remember this bullshit

fuck this guy let's just riff it and then I have to be people go no James you have to treat yourself like you know you wrote this thing and you have to be you have to be kind to yourself and you have to respect the writer who you once were and you wrote it that way for a reason you have to go with that and I go I wrote this

you don't know where I was at when I wrote you know I didn't know Jack about shit when I wrote this so yeah it's sometimes good to be working with someone else's work I would have to think we've got to respect ourselves, we've got to be good to ourselves I might have been a little too negative with the people anyway, I've got to be nicer, I've got to be nicer

I've got to be better, I've got to be kinder how long do I have to do this for another 12 minutes ladies and gentlemen what's new in your life it's fun getting costumes getting props I said to myself I think my character he might wear expensive shoes

I think it's the sort of character yeah I think it's the sort of character who wears expensive shoes. So I went out and bought some expensive shoes, and then I felt guilty charging the expensive shoes to the film, and so I didn't. Now I just bought a pair of expensive shoes. So if you're watching the movie, you go, hey, man, Jimmy's wearing some...

Wow! Whoa! They look like some expensive shoes. It's because I'm wearing expensive shoes in the movie. Don't worry about like 500 bucks. R.M. Williams boots? Maybe I could be a young liberal. Of course, no one can be a young liberal,

because that's over now because the Liberal Party has collapsed. And there were all these young people marching the street today in protest of Pauline Hanson. It was like a left-wing, anti-far-right, rah-rah-rah, right. You know, the communists and the socialists they were marching. And I've got to say, physical attractiveness as mapped onto political leaning is not a one-to-one.

But there's not no correlation. And that's all I'll say about that for the time being. And time goes so quickly I was born and now I'm dead I'm a fruit fly

Oh no So Other big things coming up Can't see any of them Can't see any of them I can't see anything I can't see anything anymore I've started getting emails from people in Australia asking me to do stuff that's, you know, like for comedy festivals and shows and that sort of thing.

And it's like, man, would I love to be getting that email a couple of years ago. But none of you would have me or be interested in me had to go to America. And now I'm back from America and all these people who wouldn't give me the fucking light of day. Give you the light of day is not an expression. Time of day. The time of day is it's time to stop this nonsense just because you. you buy a rug and you get an office doesn't mean you're any more able to do a podcast. I should have having someone else on the podcast.

That was good. Having a guest, having a guest, having a co-host, having Sam Clark here, I think that'd be good. See, I'm just... Even Tim Dillon and boy, he's in fine, fine form on his podcast at the moment. You know, he's not alone. There's people there. He's riffing with the audience, but, oh, as I try. Darcy came by the office today.

That was actually a treat. That was really nice. Oh, yes. Look at this. Very good. Look, that's probably the end of the pot. It's all going to be all right. We got an office in town, and, like, in the city,

and that felt cool and gritty, and then there's, you know, like a lot of bums and stuff. And now I'm just sitting here, and I can just hear sirens going around, and people playing music really loudly, and I think, oh, have I made a big... Was that actually a huge fucking mistake? You know, I could have gone out to the suburbs, paid less. Had a more dedicated on work time, you know. But then I wouldn't be in such immediate proximity to so very many possibilities for lunchtime Asian soups. And when we do man on the street stuff, I guess that'll be easier.

Oh, it's all going to be all right. Oh, I'm having real elated moments of it is actually going to be. Sometimes I really, I just go, yeah. I'm absolutely crushed by it all. I'd like to start getting better at pushing that out to other people I know I just said it was important for me to be nicer to other people but what if I got much, much nastier to other people and then I was able to use that as a motivation?

What if I was able to have negative and hostile things that I did to other people and then have that lift me up? It's sort of blood magic. These sirens are driving me insane. I don't even know if you can hear them. I should end this podcast. I was going to do an advertisement. I have to do an advertisement.

Sugar, I'll do my advertisement. But I don't have the internet in the office. I guess I've already done the advertisement and edited it into the podcast in a different bit. I guess I've edited, maybe I'll go to the other room and I'll do the advertisements now. And maybe you've already seen them. All right, that's a pretty good solution. I'm pretty happy with that. Well, I love you.

I miss you. I want you. Camera and ho. Goodbye.