The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - S2 Ep9: MAINLINE feat. Darcy

Episode Date: April 15, 2026

US TOUR TIX: https://www.jdfmccann.com/gigsPATREON:   / jdfmccann  Sign up and get 10% off at https://www.betterhelp.com/catamaran

I feel very blessed that I get to work with Sam Clark, the visual component on this podcast. Sam, say hi to everybody. Hello, everybody. Now, Sam is, and I like to think I'm pretty avant-garde. But Sam is, I would say, more avant-garde than even I am. Would you say so? I'd say you pushed the envelope. I hadn't even thought about it to be.

I think if you was being very avant-garde. So we did the episode last week where I was on the road. And I was I was already bringing a pretty avant-garde position to the previous episode. And what I thought you would do with the edit, rein that in. You know? Rain that in. But you took it up a level. It was a bit of exasabation.

It was already pretty sassabated. It was exacerbated. It was exacerbatory. And I, yes, it was a lot. And that's, you know, I don't know how that will have gone. recording this before then. Here's I, who doesn't love the avant-garde? I love the avant-garde.

Yes, I do. I love the avant-garde. How about you? I love the avant-garde. But I'll tell you what avant-garde means in French. It means vanguard. It means forward-guard. What does that mean, James?

It means the guys who get killed in war first. It's risky to be the avant-garde. People go, I don't understand this. People have had a hard days laying bricks. They come home for an evening of the James Donald Forbes of catamaran plan. They just want to be soothed. They want their brain to be turned. They've had a hard day

doing whatever it is normal people do out there. And they're just looking for something. Sometimes it's good to be pushed and sometimes it's good to be taken care of. I've been thinking about this a lot because we want to grow. We want to get out to more people. We want to monetize that

and we want to get a boat. And we also want to push it creatively and be the bold, front line, vanguard. But it's about balancing those things. It's about saying, hey, we love you. Hey, we're going to push you a bit. We're going to take you to your absolute limit. Like a, like some sort of, you know, in an erotic context. It's a, yeah, we don't want to get bored. Yeah, you've got to know that I'm here for you and I love you and I comfort you. Do you understand? So while we're having this conversation,

I think it's important for us to be here in the room with a relatively normal, other than the fact that Darcy's sitting behind me, I think we've got a relatively normal setup going. And we'll bring Darcy into the podcast. I guess Darcy's... Darcy, what would you like your role to be on the podcast? I get a saying... You're on board now, you're talking now.

Awesome. What's the question? Well, this is what I mean. So that's, have we pushed the podcast to an avant-garde level? Yeah. Yes, we have. And is it time for us now to say, hey, audience, we've pushed you. Now here's something a little more, here's a degree of normalcy.

Here's just two bros kicking back, having a chat together in a normal way. And now we've got Darcy. Darcy's my, I think my buddy now. I think Darcy, you're my, you're my friend. now. Yeah. And so, you know, last episode with Darcy, that was, again, quite avant-garde. Okay? We do the normal episode, street talk. Who's not doing that? Everybody does street talk. Everybody does street talk. Whatever. But then taking someone from the street talk and eating a laxar, that's pretty avant-garde. Okay? So now I think we need to take it one. We need to step back.

We push it forward. Let's pull it back. We push it forward. We'll pull it back. Okay. So now we're pulling it back. And just me and Darcy having a chat, normal podcast, just two bros hanging out, drinking some sparkling water. What's in the news? What's new with you? How are you doing? Conversation. We've got a third guy in the chat. Sam Clark, he can come into it sometimes.

Sam, you got to say? I just need to change something with the lighting. Okay, no, go for it. I've made it too avant-garde. Let's see. That's what I'm saying. Now, are we totally not avant-garde? No.

Darcy's behind me. I think that's important. If we were just together on two chairs, people would go, they've lost the soul of what the podcast is about. They've forgotten their roots. But also, it's difficult because our roots are sort of rootlessness and pushing things forward into the future. So is that difficult balance between having roots and the roots being. being rootlessness. Darcy, how was your week?

Here's a fun fact about that Darcy told me on the drive here. The ladies love Darcy now. The ladies have been getting in touch. Is this right, Darcy? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Ladies love Darcy. He's a handsome man. Eligible?

Yeah. Sorry, these questions? These are questions. Oh, okay. Do you just say something? Well, what's Darcy's dream woman? Oh, well, tall. Eh, not that tall, but...

Taller than you or shorter than you? Probably around my height, but I take... Around your height. I take a little fluctuation in, you know, in size. With heels on or without? Without. Without, no heels, about your height, but with heels on taller than you. Oh, you're sure, whatever, I'll take that.

Well, no, Darcy, this is a bit... Let me tell you, because when you go to an event, on your wedding day, your wife may want to wear heels. but also we'll want you to be taller than her. I don't want to wear platforms. Make her shorter. She can put in the sneakers. I'll wear their heels.

You want her in the sneakers? You want Lily Allen on the smile video. I always found that very attractive in that video. Was she the one with the short hair or does a smile too? I'm not sure. Are you following the... I like short hair. The Iran.

You like a short-haired woman? Yeah, that's all right. Like a sort of a pixie dream girl type. I don't know if that was a term. Is it? It was a term. Zoe Deschanel, I guess you didn't have short hair. Who would you say was a short-haired, a sex icon?

Peaches? Peaches. Who? I always found Peaches to be sort of confronting and upsetting. Yeah. Peaches was a singer-songwriter. When was this? Mia Farrero.

Mia Fero. Oh, have you seen Roman Holiday? No. You seen Roman Holiday? I have. Very fetching. Yeah. Do you know that was a big movie in Japan?

It was? Huge movie in Japan. That's Audrey Hepburn? Am I getting that right? Audrey Hepburn. And she had a short haircut in that movie. It's part of the plot of Roman Holiday. And Japanese women love that movie.

And there is a story, there's a news story about the barbers on the hair-cutting shops of Japan. Japan, offering sacrifices to the gods to apologize for what they had been doing to young women's hair. Because young women would come in in Japan. It was a, please, I'm going to be rooker-Oderi-Hipan. And they go, oh, yes, your beautiful hair must not get cut. And they'd say, please, I want the Rook-Rakka-Oder-Hibbon, I pay you. And they'd take the money and they'd go, oh, what have I done?

I had to light incense to apologize. That was a fun fact. Well, see, Darcy, you have a step. too long into the void? Right now, yeah. Very much. You ever have financial stress? Yeah.

Yeah. Well, this is a paid message from BetterHelp. Financial stress affects far more than our bank accounts. It can take a serious toll on mental health and relationships, with 88% of Americans feeling some form of financial stress at the start of 2026. Money worries often bring anxiety, sleep disruption and even depression. and are one of the leading sources of conflict for couples. I agree.

This month, we want to normalize the emotional weight of financial stress and remind people that struggling with money doesn't mean they've failed. Sometimes it's just accessing the right kind of support. Okay. Again, I don't know how any of these are meant to be under 60 seconds. It's so many words. James, is this an ad for better help? Yes, it is.

James, would you ever speak to a thing? therapist. Well, that's not a question. Anyone's really answering? Or asking. Or asking. Yeah. Yeah. So why even bring it up? Take a moment to reflect on your own experience. Boy, I've had some moments of financial stress. Hey, listeners, think about your financial stress. Share a brief, personal story or insight. I was poor for ages, and somehow I'm still poor, and I'm waiting for that to end, but I just worry that I'm going to be poor forever. Listeners, therapy isn't about financial advice. It's about managing stress, shame or anxiety. Therapy can help people unpack their relationship with money. Apparently, build healthier coping

strategies so they say and feel less alone in the process is what they want you to believe. Better help therapists work according to a strict code of conduct and are fully licensed in the US. They match you with a therapist. They give you a questionnaire. They put you in one one of their little boxes, and they've had some very positive reviews. I like the idea of managing my shame. Manage your shame, yeah. Listeners, here's what I do when I'm dealing with shame. I speak to a friend, or if I've committed a sin, I confess it to a priest.

When I feel ready to confess it to a priest, I confess it to a priest. Maybe you don't have a priest Maybe you don't have a friend Or maybe you do in it That's for some reason not enough I think I can read this Darcy you have a I'll read it

No no no no I think I have to read it I thought about giving it to you Darcy I'll gladly read it But I have to read it verbatim Because you're the star yes No but I word for word I can't weasel my way out of any of the things They want me to say verbatim

I'm finding it quite hard to do this the ad reads. I mean, there's nothing wrong. There's nothing wrong. Hey, some people probably, I can say this earnestly. Some people probably should go to therapy. There are people in my life who I wish were in therapy. And I think it's a mistake for them not to be in therapy. All right. When I start like that, I can really do it. When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. sign up and get 10% off at betterhelp.com slash catamaran. That's betterhelp.com slash catamaran. The show is sponsored by BetterHelp.

Sponsored or brought to you by BetterHelp. It was paid for by BetterHelp. Please do not make any statements implying personal use if they have not used our service. I have absolutely not used this service. That doesn't mean that you shouldn't. Darcy, do you think it's time for you to speak to a therapist? No. Excellent.

But if it was, they'd know where to go. But if it was, Darcy, would you know who to text or call? I think I would. And I think I know of a company which I can contact for if. If. If. If. Not when.

No, absolutely not when. If I came to the conclusion that I may need. some help if I did then I would go to this company and this company's called how do you spell it's called better help and it's spelled the way it sounds will I be calling them I hope not I hope not but would genuinely if if if if if if things got so bad there was no option who can say All right, moving right along now. I've been thinking about the avant-garde, as we've discussed, and we don't want to be avant-garde.

By the way, Darcy, if you feel insufficiently involved, there's a scratchy. Let us know what we win. All right. And you feel free to chime in on any of these. So I feel we've pushed too far. Not too far. I feel we've pushed pretty hard.

I think we're pushing the audience to their absolute limit. And it's time to just take a moment. Just take a... Let's just at least take a moment to sit within positivity, normalcy, niceness, not the avant-garde. Mainline is the name of this list that I've made. So these are some mainline positions

that I think the podcast can take to help relax, people. Dicey, how do you feel about being mainline? Yeah, I feel pretty good about it. Well, you tell me both of you, if there's anything here that you would disagree with, okay? All right. War is bad.

Yes, bad. Bad. Bad. Sammy? Yep. War's bad. I'm in for war is bad. War's bad.

Good line. Love is good. Love is good. That is good. Mainline. Live is good. Main line. That's what I'm saying. It doesn't always have to be alienating. Doesn't always have to be flights to Switzerland. Doesn't always have to be doing, you know, eight different levels of irony with an advertisement read. Sometimes children are good. Sometimes children are good or that was the end of the last sentence and then we, sorry. You know what? I'm going to update it. Sometimes children are good.

Yeah. Addiction? is bad. Bad. Has that scratchy card gone there, Darcy? Is it always this hard? Hey, mental health is serious. Mental health, serious.

Can we agree with that? Serious, yes. Mental health is your mental health, you've got to take it seriously? Yeah. You got to look at it, you've got to think about it. Mental health is serious, mainline. I saw a, like, you know, when you go to the footy

and they've got the banner ads around on the screens that are showing the ads. Yes, I do. There was one last year, and it was like fighting mental health. And I just didn't, I just wasn't sure if that was right. I want to stab mental health right in the fucking throat. Like that? Yeah, fight mental. Fight mental health.

Fighting mental health. I think, rather than fighting mental health. Nurture. Yeah. Yeah. Foster. Mental illness? Fight.

Fight that. Yes. Yeah. Gambling is concerning is the next one. Gambling is, it's a concern. Mainline. Yeah, mainline. Nature is good.

Yep. Pollution is bad. Money doesn't make you special. Kindness is special. Mainline. Mainline. Again, Darcy, you feel... How'd you go on that one, Darcy?

Is it done yet? I'm done and I didn't get anything three in a row. Oh, thanks, boss. See how you go. Let's scratch your card number two. What do I do with it? Yeah, he cares. Technology presents challenges.

Mainline. Mainline. Suffering is bad. Oh. Oh. Things are complicated. Sometimes. Yeah.

You think add sometimes to that one? Sometimes they can be. Sometimes things can be complicated. sometimes by choice too Hey Corruption is bad Yeah bad Nepotism is bad

No Okay Tell us about it Well I mean If I Like it depends If it is it mainline That people should think

Nepotism is bad That's mainline Yeah for sure People do believe That nepotism is bad Is it right That they think nepotism is bad No

That is my condition intention. You're saying nepotism is good and people should think. I'm saying, I'm saying if you can, if you can nepotistically bring up your relatives or loved ones or whatever into a better position, like,

great. Okay. Yeah, I agree. But what if they're not good at it? And what if that makes other people? Then the egg is on your face. It's a gamble.

Okay. How about this one? Nepotism can be dangerous. Yeah, mainline. Mainline. Family is beautiful. Yes. Football is exciting.

English football is very exciting. I'm just saying football. Okay, no, okay. Yeah, yeah. Mainline. Niche would be Gaelic football, AFL, rugby league. I'm saying football.

I completely feel you. If it's called football, it is exciting. Sex wouldn't be appropriate right now. Mainline. Mainline. Mainline. yeah most people are doing their best

avant-garde you think that's avant-garde how would we make that most people are doing their best not most people are attempting to do their best oh here we go are trying most people are doing their best no I would say mainline would be

no one is doing their best how about most people are trying to do their best oh I would even say no to that you're revising it down so much. The average man on the street, the average man, woman, trying their best. What is it to try? I'm not trying my best and I'm really giving it a hot crack. I think you are trying your best. How do you think you could try harder? I look at all the videos that we do afterwards and I have

a whole list of the things that I would have done better. Would have. But could have, could have, could have, could have if I was more conscious, if I was thinking, if I wasn't distracted and like. But in the moment, in the moment of the thing you're very conscientious I so need a light behind Darcy right now You need a light behind Darcy And it is

It is annoying me And I know it would be my best to do it Should we take a break Until you put the light behind us No I want to be mainline I don't want to try my best Hold on This is mainline pod

I'm saying The main line is That most people are trying to do their best Okay Oh And so that's the standard We hold ourselves to That's the standard

mainline holds us to, that's a standard we hold each other to, do we need a light behind Darcy's head? Yeah, but yes. Because this is avant-garde. To let it through to the keeper on purpose and just to keep talking about it is avant-garde. To do something about it is mainline. I might take the avant-garde route because I've sort of painted myself in the corner. What can we do?

Do we want to move Darcy forward? No, no. Do we want to move Darcy further back? It's all right, all right. You guys chat. I'll sort it out. Hey James. Okay, I don't think I said any of the things I wasn't meant to say on the BetterHelp read.

I'm going to say the thing I'm meant to say again. This show is sponsored by BetterHelp. When life feels overwhelming, therapy can help. Sign up and get 10% off at BetterHelp.com slash Catamaran. That's B-E-T-T-E-R-H-L-P dot C-O-M slash Catamaran. I'm going to keep going. Traveling is important. Some of the wars that happened a long time ago were good.

Abuse isn't love. Children are difficult. Addiction is complicated. Poor mental health isn't always an excuse for hatefulness. Gambling is part of our way of life. Nature is both under threat and a threat. Pollution is the fault of the rich. Money solves some problems.

Being special is a kindness. Technology presents opportunities. Suffering is growth. Simplicity is beauty. Mainline. Look after your friends. Mainline. It's okay to leave your family.

That's mainline, but we don't agree. That's mainline, but we don't agree. And on there's things that are mainline that we don't agree, we just move on. Okay? We don't have to comment. We don't have to... But it's got fingernails.

We don't have to say that. You know? How many boosters? We don't have to say that. Mainline. Football has a cultural problem. Football is poorly officiated. See, here's another one.

Here's another two. Here's another two that are mainline, but I don't agree with. People who don't have sex are insane. That's mainline. that's mainline I don't agree here's another one

weirdly asexual people have a wonderful gift how is that sitting with the other one and how are they both mainline well I disagree mainline yes yes

yes yes mainline mainline can I see the list yeah awesome where were we we finished the list oh

you want it back yeah hey given things back leaving no trace main line yeah I think this

I think Darcy has done such a good job he's unlocked custodian of the smallest bell use it wisely use it sparingly what do I use it for you'll know

well I was going to have a whole lot more of these but what I'm going to do on an episode. Now, when we push it back out again, Darcy, here's what I'd like to do on a future episode. There's a podcast called Subway Takes. Have you heard this one?

I haven't, but tell me about it. Well, there's a guy on the subway. Yeah. With another guy on the subway, and the guest has some sort of take, some sort of idea. Crisps aren't as good as they used to be. And the guy will say,

oh, I 100% disagree. I think crisps are exactly the same, and the first guy will go, man the fuck you know about crisps do you know what I'm saying I know what you're saying

I think that would have been a good time to use the bell oh anyway so my thought was instead of subway takes we could do bus gives where we would give each other our ideas and wear suits on the bus see then we take it out of this room

we're doing it on a bus then the podcast is happening on a bus we start with this main line idea and then we make it a little bit, this is our default, this is the most main line we get. And maybe we start pushing it again. Be a little more avant-garde. We went so avant-garde. It's time to bring it that.

You don't think it was that avant-garde. I don't understand. It opens with a flight to Switzerland reference. We get kicked out of a mall. I'm staring into traffic silently for whole minutes. Have you ever seen any of that in the podcast? Ever? Ever?

Yeah, I don't, I know. I guess I had, yeah, I haven't really seen that out there, but like, when I was making it, it just was right. It was the right thing to have been, to do. Yes. Mainline. Hold on. No. No. Doing the right thing is not mainline. Doing the right thing is avant-garde. Trying to do the right thing is mainline. Doing the right thing is avant-garde. Doing the right thing is avant-garde. I can agree with that, yeah. Do you agree with that? I agree with that. Isn't that something? Trying to do it. Do the right thing. Because mainline people, they don't know. Like I would have thought it would be mainline to be in the mall.

I thought that would be more mainline to be in the mall and more avant-garde to be in the city downtown. But actually, you know, doing something interesting in the mall is more avant-garde. You've got to do something interesting with the interesting people. You do something interesting with the non-interesting people. That's even more avant-garde. Doing the wrong thing in the wrong way is more mainline than doing the wrong thing in the right way. And vice versa.

Things must go along to get together, to go together. I really, I can't tell you, I was scared when I watched that video. I was scared. I thought, what does this mean for our sponsor? I think the sponsors were, I don't know what I was doing. I had a bucket hat and a Marlon Brando portrait. Staring into traffic saying, I miss Darcy. I'd hit the bell.

And it's so good to have you I feel so much more comforted having you here, Darcy. Thank you. Can I get a better bell? No, you can earn it. But this one's so bad. No, no, no, that's your starter bell.

You're not using it at the right times at the moment. When you figure out how to use the bell, when I hear the bell come in, three times at the right time, then you can be, and in a row. You got one wrong, you're back to scratch. You've got to work your way up to a good bell, Darcy. You've got to work...

The bell number one, that's a hard one to get to this one. I don't know what has to happen for you to get to this bill. But this bell, I don't think you're that far away from this bill. I'll allow that one. Yay. Feels more mainline. This feels mainline. This feels like the nourishing mainline that we need.

Sam, do you feel that this is more mainline? I felt it started pretty mainline. I feel it tending toward the avant-garde at this point. Here, here, that's what we need. Back down to zero. Back down to zero. You don't understand. I'm sorry, I can't swear with the sponsor.

No, the sponsor's done, you can swear now. Yeah, but... There's only two words you're not allowed to say on R3. Is it the one starting with S? With what? Is it the one starting with S? The one with S is fine. What, you kidding?

The S word. You know, when it comes to... Shit? No, no. On topic, on topic. That... Sino? Oh, yeah.

Oh, I haven't thought of that. Sam. Yeah. He's got a mind on him. Switzerland. That's why he's not in front of the camera. He's got a big mind on them. Yeah.

You're right. Sweden? Switzerland. You know what I'm talking about. Canada. No. Yes. The big S.

Yeah. Okay, the S? We don't say the yes. What else do you think is on there? The words that we don't say? I didn't even think about that. I was avoiding saying it, but I didn't even think of it

as one of the ones we weren't meant to say. Saying the, only saying the right words, that's mainline. Talking about the words that we're not allowed to say starts to actually feel mainline early 2000s

type conversations about it. Yeah, it's like callback mainline. What are the other words Darcy that you would be afraid to say on the podcast? We can bleep. How do I know I can trust you?

Because it has to come out and I have to make money from the show. so it's in my interest. Okay, yeah, you bought me a sandwich. Well, there's one that starts with the, I bought you a sandwich. There's the N word. So that's out. Yeah.

So don't feel the need to say that. Yeah, yeah. Obviously, many people have made mistakes. Many people. And it was appropriate and they were getting a pass. In this chair? Which chair? The one I'm sitting in.

No, she was wonderful. But so the N word we are very careful about. Although there was someone in Survivor, a different S word, who got kicked out apparently for wrapping the N word. aggressively over and over again. That's what the Reddit pages were saying. Das, you ever watch television? Not often enough.

Not to TV, television. You like cinema? I'd say, yeah. What are some of your favourite movies? Well, there will be blood. I like that film. Great movie. I drink your milkshake.

It's a good one. It's about character. Are you basing your look on Daniel Day Lewis in that movie? No, nowhere near. Is you got that weird? sort of angry hunch to him. He does. You know, when he starts getting really worked up,

that sort of, I'm not even close to that yet. How do you feel about Quentin Tarantino saying that Paul Dano was weak source and one of the worst actors in the Screen Actors Guild because of his performance in that movie? How do you feel that Paul Dano?

I'd say that's an avant-garde opinion. I wouldn't say that. You think Paul Dano's good? I think he can be good. I think he's good. Not to say he's bad, not to give a judgment to say that he's automatically you know second rate

but you know for what he can call up upon especially in the film that we're talking about there will be blood he can cry he can act he can he was just the type of character that he was playing sort of bled into I guess how he was seen

on set so if he's playing some attempting to be manipulative this is a great point this is a great point if he's meant to be a manipulative a weak, secondary, beta, tricky, trickster, disgusting person. He's trying to live up to his brother.

And it comes across on screen. And it comes across on the set too. It doesn't do well. People think, oh, he's exactly what he's trying to be playing, even when he's not playing. It's like when someone's playing a loser, but you go, surely everyone would just say this guy was the most charismatic,

wonderful guy in the history of the world. It doesn't make any sense. You know, you watch Notting Hill. You know, I can't imagine why this is a film starlet would be interested to me because you're Hugh Grant you look good

you sound good smell good make love good and sing good there will be blood a great movie Darcy's top films

absolutely next oh you like Tarkovsky I do like Tarkovsky I do like Tarkovsky you like I've only seen Stalker yet

and I haven't started on Stolaris yet How did you come to see Stalker Well, I heard about it because there were people talking about how the mythos around the film is obviously what can gravitate you towards it, but also just about the story and the artisan ship about, or from Tchaikovsky, is also a lure. And miracles? Yes. And the sublime. Do you believe in miracles, Darcy?

Divine miracles that are the ones you hear in. you know, old fables. I, I don't know. I believe in miracles, Darcy. Well, that's good. Good for you, good. I can't touch you from here, but, you know, just in spirit. Darcy's back on to one.

Darcy's up to one. One in a row. I'm going to keep going until we get, but we've taught. I love it. Next movie, Darcy. A Bronx Tale. What's that? A Bronx Tale is a film directed by Chaz Palmetry.

And Palmatery is, it's an almost autobiographical film. Brunks Tale? A Bronx Tale? A Bronx Tale. A Bronx Tale. It's about himself. Yeah. Essentially, because it's based on a one-man play, which is based on himself when he was a young boy.

And Robert De Niro. Robert De Niro. All right. I will try and watch a Bronx tale. Have you seen heat? I've seen heat. Heat, having not seen a Bronx Tale, I haven't seen a lot of films. I adore heat.

Heat is good. Is that Paul Anderson, Thomas, Anderson, Paul? It's Michael Mann? Michael Mann. And it's Robert De Niro and it's Al Pacino. Yes. And it's a young... Val Kilmer.

Yes, but also Natalie Portman. Natalie Portman? Natalie Portman's the teenage girl. Emphas on teenage. I didn't pick that up that fast. It's Natalie Portman. I didn't know that. It has two of my favorite ever moments in cinema.

One is, and Natalie Portman has just, you know that S word? Anyway, she's just had a red hard crack, but it hasn't worked out. And the cop goes to her. He rescues her, goes to her. He really wants to be on the case, you know. But he's there for his family. He's there for his stepdaughter. and the wife who's left him says, you know, you can go and you can go and hunt the bad guy.

And he's coming out of the S ward, the bad place for people who despaired. And he's coming down the steps immediately. And he's coming down the steps because he gets to go back to the case. He skips. He does a little skip down the steps. And he's excited. it's I mean of course

she's got a great ass and you've got your head all the way up but this is also great but I love that I love the skipping down the steps and I also love when Robert De Niro decides he's going to go and

and kill the guy at the end and he's there with the woman and he's making his get it but he knows he's at the airport yeah and he's deciding

he's driving he's doing the drive and he's just got the information that he could go and kill the guy but it might ruin his whole life and I don't think Robert De Niro's had a couple good moments in the film up to this point but this is like this is why you pay Robert De Niro the money because he does a look and it goes about three seconds and the look is him going I'm going to destroy my life and all of my happiness

and I like that and I'm going to do it now all right it's he does he goes that's Robert Ninoer doing that I'm going to do it to you Darsie you know what I was answering he goes that look that look Is that look? That's a multi-million dollar look.

Is it a mainline look? That is an avant-garde. Yeah, I don't know what that is. I think when something is truly great, it ceases to be either mainline or avant-garde. But we don't get to decide when that happens. It happens to us. We can, do you know what I'm saying?

It's Pythagorean. It's hypotenutical. We can set up the A and the B, but the C squared, that's in the hands of the angels. That's a miracle. Too late. You were too late. You were too late.

You were too late. You don't lose a point. You don't gain a point. I am disappointed. I'm frowned upon it. I am disappointed. I was waiting on a cue from Sam, a little, do it, do it. No, no, no.

Don't tip him off. We all... We all... Well, that probably... That brings this episode of the James Donald Forbes-McCann Catamaran plan to a close. Oh. Did we solve the mainline avant-garde problem that we have specifically in this, in the podcast?

Well, here's, I think it's just about mixing it up. And it's about when you do some avant-garde, you bring it back to Mainline for a while. I was wondering if we should keep the avant-garde for the Patreon. That it's a serious possibility that there are people who want to pay for it. There are true believers. There are those who are hungry for the avant-garde. And they'll pay for the avant-garde. privilege. We need to differentiate what is on. Do we own, do we hide Darcy away on the

Patreon? I don't think so. I don't think so. I think the world needs to see him. We also have to figure out what to do with Darcy. We have to figure out what to do with Darcy. Has he already become a problem or what's the... It's not a problem. It's a solution, but I don't know. I can't believe we were so blessed to meet Darcy. I mean, Darcy's been terrific today. Darcy, you've been absolutely terrific today. Thank you. Thank you. Can I get out of the chair now? I really feel like...

I'm waiting for a dentist. Like something's going to fall on my head. I wasn't kidding about this. It feels like, you know, I've been held by the Mexican cartel. Like, people here, watching the camera, they don't see the fact that this is a garage. People don't see the fact that, you know, this bare wooden beams and this drywall cinder block and there's a very, very dirty concrete pad for. I mean, it's not even carpet.

I am in danger, but I'm with a good friend. James Is it Donald Forbes or Forbes Donald? Donald Forbes McCann From the Catamaran plan Back up to one Catamaran ho everybody

That's Algar Yeah it's Almond account Yeah it's Almond account Handing the podcast over to another man Hold on Feels Amalgarde Take your bell No no

Oh okay That's okay, sorry Take the bell You've worked your way up now You've worked the way up You've got all the bells You got all the bells Wow

Have we started? We're on. All right, I'll stop talking. Darcy, it's your show. This is like Vince McMahon leading the Tonight Show, you know? You wouldn't know because whatever. What do I talk about? There's no person to talk about it.

You just need an intro of the show. Hey, guys, and welcome. Hello, everyone. This is the James Donald Forbes-McCann-Cattermaran-Cat-Mlan podcast. That's it. Today Tonight Today

Today Give me Whatever time of day You want it to be This solst I forgot I'm flubbed up Solst

Oh This Anzac day You are in for a treat Today we have As my guest Darcy Darcy from

That one interview You know That one guy He's behind me Am I Darcy You're Darcy I thought you were Darcy No this is

avant garde But it's the James Donald Ford's McCann Catamaran plan Yeah Hosted by Darcy Yes Wait I'm still me

You're still you Oh come on Do you want us to wear special wigs And change clothes Right now Yeah you keep it to yourself All right So

Tell me about yourself Jimmy Well I was born in Adelaide Wow That's awesome Round of applause for Adelaide All right, where in Adelaide? I was born at the Ashford Hospital.

Awesome. Round of applause for Ashfield Hospital. Is it still there? It's still there. Thank you, Sam. You're earning your pay. All right, what else about Ashfield? Were you born in...

What floor? I don't know. You don't know what floor you're born on. It doesn't say it on the birth certificate. I should get a check. Sheesh. I will assume that you were born on the ground floor. We can say lobby, we can...

No, you seem to... like you're born in basement kind of anyhow. So what did you do for the first 13 years of your life? We started in the, we were in Glenelg. My dad was a teacher at a school called Emmanuel. So I got sent there. My father was not a Lutheran. It's a Lutheran school.

And there was some frisienne. So eventually I got taken out of there. He left there and we went off somewhere else. And eventually we went to the eastern suburbs. But first 13 years of life, I, um, three schools in three years at one point. found it hard to settle in. So you were changing schools a lot and suburbs. Changing schools a lot in suburbs and I was probably not a very sociable young lad

showed some odd signs. I was dropped on my head as a very small child. Came out of a perambulator, a stroller and cracked my head and I've got a huge scar. And I had to go to occupational therapy. No one could understand what I was saying. I don't know if that's connected to the head. But you couldn't catch a ball, couldn't write neatly, discrific, all this sort of thing. I would say not until puberty, which was quite late, did a degree of ability to have a normalcy come to the fore.

I definitely feel like I've gotten, I've managed to pass as normal. more convincingly as I've aged, but up until the age of about 15, 16, no chance. No chance at all. Well, tell me about coming into normalcy, as you would say, to parrot your words. What was it to sort of come from where you were into normalcy? Tell me about that. How did it feel? Oh, as I get older, I have it more and more that I find that normalcy is sort of a part one can play.

and I think some people find it very easy when they're very young to play the part of being normal and for some people it's something learnt some people start normal and they go away from it some people are normal their whole lives some people never have a single hope of being normal but I think normalcy is something we should use when it's to our advantage or to when it helps us to increase in virtue You know? Yeah. So how did it feel being normal again?

Oh, I couldn't believe it, Darcy. Couldn't believe it. It's like... I remember the moment that I went from being a weirdo at school to being people being sort of interested. People being interested. I got elected a prefect. You were? I went from being a very, very unpopular boy in middle school to in senior school being a prefect.

So what? It was quite strange. So you sort of... You came into your own. All of a sudden, girls were a little interested. Puberty. I think my brain rewired a little in puberty. I found all of a sudden that I could catch a ball.

Where a ball I could not catch before, all of a sudden, I had normal coordination. I was entirely spastic previously. And now with great attention and care, I can do things like run at a... ordinary speed. What speed were you running at before? Slow and unusual.

Was it tested? Was it tested? Yeah, was it tested? It was sports days. I would just, I would go, well, I'm the same size as these boys. How is it that when we run in a line, they all go so much faster than me. And I'm all the way back here. And I think I had coordination problems.

I don't know what it was. I'm told that the brain. rewires during puberty and I believe I was given some sort of access to uh it was no hope for me to play a normal sport at that point I love sport now but at the time I I had been so almost handicapped in my inability to participate in sport that you know no basketball my dad was the basketball coach he benched me where was the nepotism there it was the right thing to do for the team. But I couldn't learn. I couldn't get better in any regard. And so by the time that 15, 16, puberty kicks in late puberty, all of a sudden I can, I can do everything. But other people,

if they've been learning how to play cricket, their whole damn lives. I'm no hope of it catching up now. So I had to play weird sports if I was to play at a normal level. I had to play sports that people were only just starting to play then. Badminton, Squash, Water polo. Water polo. I was a goalie. I was a hockey goalie. Field hockey goalkeeper. How does that make? Sam, you're allowed to? Yeah, that's just such an amazing image. There's so much gear.

I'd never done it before, year 12. And I went into the firsts, which is the only team they had, because no one else wanted to be the field hockey goalie. And I had some good saves of the course of the year. I don't think we lost any games because of me. Darcy, did you ever play a sport? I never really had a sport to stick to during school. I was, I mean, I can,

It's the word of collaborate. I can empathize with you. I had sort of, I guess, early coordination issues with, you know, sports with, you know, kicking balls or passing. I'd always clubby, especially football, we had to kick it on a certain angle or pass it by doing that weird shot put thing or whatever. It always failed for me. And, of course, you start developing those things as you know you grow up. But I empathize with you. I can relate to you

That I You got into a sport I never did So I don't know where What you were talking about for You know nine or a strike I don't know what the hell that is I don't really know if I picked the right number there

You say nine But yeah You said nine Was a six but I played a nine What is a six and a nine Okay All right Hey

Mainline It would be wrong To have six now Man lion, Darcy Uh, yes Jesus Don't you ever touch my bills again I thought you said I was a joke

I'm kidding I'm just having fun I'm just having fun I'm just having a little fun I'm just having your chair man Don't want to respect when you Tell me about you Darcy

Yes When did you finish school Uh three years ago Okay that's too long Late 2023 Late 2023 Did you

have you ever had a job? Do you work at McDonald's or similar? I was never lucky enough to get one of those. No. It's true, man. I remember when I got my McDonald's job, it felt like I was getting away with something. In hindsight,

it's like, that's not a job anyone should want. But when you get it, when you're a young man and you get, you know, when I got my subway jobs, I worked at Subway, I was removed from there.

I worked at a Billy Baxter's restaurant. They didn't like me. Oh. But it's really something to have a job as a young man. So you have you, if you ever, Darcy, have we ever had a job? I cannot say that I had a job, a long-term employment on a salary or, you know, dock to pay. I never had that, no. We've got to use Darcy in the movie at very least.

We've got to have a role for Darcy in the movie. We're making a movie. You're making a movie? We've got money for the movie. The money's in the bank account. Well, tell us about the movie, if you're allowed to. It's a currently secret. But we have several hundred thousand.

thousand dollars. Okay. Budget. It's not enough for a feature film, but we're going to make a very budget feature film. Would it be enough for a catamaran? Would it be enough for a catamaran? So, Cadamaran we have valued at about $500,000 plus crew. 500, how big is this catamaran going to be?

Because $500,000, that's a new, a new build or a fairly recent model of a catamaranan? I think, and not a too old secondhand. But, you're right, Sam. No, I'm just thinking. You look like you're in timeout. I feel somewhat timeouted. No, no, it's, I just thought like, wouldn't you want to be the person who smashes the champagne? Oh, you'd want, I'd want it to be new.

Or you'd at least want video proof that it smashed. Because isn't there like a big superstition when you're... Yeah, sailor superstition. If the bottle does not break, then the ship is cursed or, you know, we'll have bad luck. Because I did a, I did like a filming thing for, it's like Rodney Fox Shark Adventures or something. It's like a guy down here in SA who takes people on Shark Cage. Oh yeah, those things, yeah. And I filmed, I was part of the crew who was filming his, like, launching of his new boat.

And they got this woman to do the champagne against the hull, and it just bounced off and fell into the water. And they never used their boat again. Well, I assume they did, and they just sort of laughed it off, but I think there are a few people like going, oh. I wonder if there's a way to just wait around at the dock for one, because I don't go for that nonsense, and I think if a priest came and blessed it, I'd be okay. Fair enough. So here's my thing is, can you get, can you buy?

Can you get like a discount? Go down there. Wait for the christening's to fail and then go, I'll buy it back. Give me, I'll pay you 90% of what you paid for it. All right? I think there's something there. Part ways with this doomed vessel.

I'll take care of it. Hmm. Well, yeah. What do I go with this? Well, absolutely, it is a superstition, and it certainly, there are people, I assume, in places you could term as less fortunate societies that will definitely carry these superstitions down to the grave of them. You're talking about like Italians?

You said it, not me. No, but there are definitely more seafaring cultures out there. Yeah. And these superstitions do hold a lot of weight. And it isn't just on the fact that, you know, that the bottle doesn't break. It's also what's in the bottle. Like in... I didn't know this.

In the Great Lakes of America during a Prohibition, when they were launching a few of their ships, they obviously were they weren't allowed to use alcohol, wine or champagne. So they did use things like soda water or like, you know, some... Nothing you need. And, well, it'd been the Great Lakes. A lot of these ships did sink. Yeah. And I can't name any examples, but...

No, no, I mean, I've seen those... I've been to the Great Lakes. You have? I have. Which lake? Erie. Lake Erie. That's the slightly smaller one, but still pretty big.

North of Erie, Pennsylvania. Well, that makes sense. And it's, you can see trees being buffeted. It's huge, big waves. This is a big body of water. But the wind, it's all wind waves, really. I don't know if the moon and the tides have anything to do with it, but seeing a petrified log bounce around in a freshwater sea, it looks like.

It's really, it's stayed with me. It's the cover of my third book of poems, Splish Splash, is me at Lake Erie, photo taken by Margot, Holbert, friend of the show. Who I'd like to introduce you to. I'd like to do the next episode at a pub called Earn Malley. and I have all these people who'd like to meet you, Darcy. Really? Yes.

Including Margot, who is a classical architect. She trained at Notre Dame in South Bend. And she's designing a museum at the moment. Wow. And she's really one of many people who have actually expressed interest in our set of meeting Darcy. Sam McDonagh's going to come on down. Jack Blanche. Paul Galash.

These names won't necessarily resonate. But these are the creme de la creme of the literary elite. I want you to meet Stan. Stan. Who is Stan? Stan is a weird cat. But you'll love Stan. There are some ladies as well.

There are some eligible ladies. I wouldn't mind meeting Darcy, I don't think. Just saying? All right then. I mean, we're at a pub, so, you know, let the social fluids flow, I guess. Fluids flow. How about we practice a little chastity on that front? Shit.

Oh, okay, okay. You see, I try to make this straight And you're going Oh, he said six and nine Sheesh You can't say that Oh, I think Talking about sex

You think this is the second episode Or this is part Why we'd do another long episode Yeah, it's one thing Just let it roll We have a little break in the middle It's so nice I think this has been a

Again, this is one of my favorite episodes Darcy You say that with every episode Yeah, but they keep No, actually I Or you just keep on improving You keep on becoming better and better Sometimes I'm pretty bleak

And pretty unpleasant and I'm working on that. Can I tell you something that I've been working through this week? Yes, you may tell me. Dasi, is that I, when we change our state in life, we go down.

You know, when we move, when we move up a category, we go, it can feel like we're going down overall. I'll give you an example. Before I had my children, I was maybe, I was one of the best hipsters

in Adelaide, back when hipster meant something. I had my bicycle. I was living on Rundle Street. I was living on Rundle Street. I was next to the Exeter. I was above Vigal and loving it. It was a great pad.

I had a hot girlfriend, hot fun girlfriend from New Zealand. Fun, weird, ethnic. Hot. Hot. My wife's a fox. She was hot. And we would just hang out. And I was working for a street press magazine, rip it up.

Oh. Crazy, man. I was a music journalist in Adelaide, in a city apartment. One thing leads to a. another and we get married we have a baby and then all the music magazines have shut down and I'm writing copy I'm writing you know those ads that people are getting us to read I'm writing those for other people oh and I would write thousands of I mean I I to get into the business I took a job doing uh it was sort of what is this is before AI now you would just get AI to

to pump it out. They used to get Indians. So I took a job that's sort of from the West and Indians are kind of meant to do for, you know, we'll pay you $7,000, you write us a thousand words. But I would just crank out like eight, nine,

10,000 word days, not making any money, but really going above and beyond and having almost nothing. And like, just mental, like crippled hands. I probably never quite right.

It was probably close to like $20 per thousand words. I was probably writing more like $5,000, six thousand words a day. But it was a lot of, And but I had gone from being now I had a young family and a wife to look after a hot wife Absolutely, but I'd gone and I couldn't drive and that meant something bad when I had a child to look after So I went from being top hipster to normal low down working class failed dad Not making money not being able to provide having a suburban rental with a housemate or whatever

So that I'd gone up and that there's a child now I have a family I'm an I'm an older man I'm moving up but the actual now that I'm in that higher category I'm right at the bottom of that category I was at the top of the smaller category but now I'm at the bottom of this category this is how I feel having come back to Australia is that when I came back I was I'd done as a comedian hot shit Darcy I've been to America who else goes to America and makes it from this country not a lot of people as at the top and so we've gone app

category now, which is we've got a whole production team. We're making a movie. We're making a podcast. We're all working with each other. It's beautiful. But I've gone from being

the most exciting, most, like really highly competent comedian to maybe the worst small businessman in the city. I'm not a good small businessman. I've got people depending on me. I've got Sam depending on me.

I've got Sam and his family depending on me. I've got my own family depending on me. I've got all these people got to make the movie. Darsi, increasingly, I feel like

here's another dependent I need to bring Darcy into the fault because Darcy's got it it's not an option as long as Darcy wants to be here doing it we're going to figure out how to take care of Darcy because the show involved Darcy now and I wasn't looking for that

and I wasn't trying for that but I don't see any way around it the man's quality the man's got it we weren't even trying we really weren't trying happened on our first time it just happened that's very good

very good Sam we weren't even trying It just happened on that but we were just We let our guard down for a moment And I guess here we are I mean The reservoir broke

And now we've got a Darcy I love Darcy's got it You see what he was saying He's quick with it But I have to figure that out And I have to quickly come up to a level I've got to speak to an accountant I've got to figure out

Incomings and Outgoings I've got to manage expectations I've got to I've got to look after myself And other people And it's like All right well that's a whole different kind of guy that I have to be.

That's a whole new kind of man and I'm not very good at it yet and I feel very deeply and I'm in pain. But it's going to get better. It will. It's got a. It's got it. We got forward momentum and even when you change gears, you just got to lay up the accelerator just a little bit before you can put it back on.

I fucking love that. I fucking love that. You're doing a rain dance? Darcy, if I had one of the bells, I'd be dinging it right about now. You want one? Yeah. Hit me with that little bell. No, give me my big bill.

Even in the avant-garde position, I'm Mr. Big Bell. Say it again, Darcy. Even, well, when you're changing gears, you've got to lay off the accelerator. Yeah. Before you can, oh, when you, oh, I flubbed it. It's always so much better when you do it the first time because it comes right off the tongue. It's always so much better when you do it the first time. Bars.

When you're changing gears, you have to lay off the accelerator before you can put the pedal back on. Was that it? That was it. Did I see how much driving have you done? How much riding? How much driving? I don't drive.

It's simple, I guess. You press the button, you go forward. No, it's... You press the button, you go forward. Hey, press the button, go forward. I think this is a mainline, avant-garde, togetherness, community. I'm feeling it now. Mainline is us pressing the button and going forward.

Main line is pressing the button and going forward. Armagarde is not pressing the button, doing some sort of TikTok dance up the back of the vehicle. It's still going forward. We're in masks, eyes wide shut style, eating some caviar in a hamburger. Not ringing the bell. Does it have to be eyes wide shut?

I've never seen it Is it a good movie Oh I mean How could eyes be white shut It's good film Good film Eyes can be wide open or eyes can be shut

How could they be wide shut Doesn't make any sense I thought you were talking about You know what happens In eyes wide shut I don't know what happens I've never seen it Thank God

Well Yes Yes Do I get a point for that Even though I'm the host now I'll take that as a yes Well, now we talk about something else. No, we probably have to wrap it up.

Oh, you close it up. Well, tell him you love him. Do I have to? Tell them you love them. Okay. I love you all. Tell him you miss them. I miss you.

Tell him you want them. I want you. Tell him you need them. I need you. Say catamaran ho. Catamaran ho. Now shout affirmation. Affirmation.

Now make an affirmation. what do I do now? You make an affirmation. Leave me into this. Come on. Make an affirmation. I'm going to become the man I have to be. I'm going to look after the people around me. These are my affirmation!

Those are my ones. Now you make one. Affirmation. I will become the person that has always been in place when you think of a dream. When I think of my dreams, I think of someone doing those, and I'm going to become that someone. I'm going to fulfill them Affirmation

Sam Darcy's becoming the man of his dreams Hit us with an affirmation Sam That sounds like Affirmation Give it to us Sam I will try my best

Yeah Affirmation Hey I think you are I think you are This has been the James Donald Forbes McCann Cadamaran plan And I think it's going to keep being

The James Donald Forbes McCarramaran plan But with Darcy how can we fail? How can we fail? Darcy's got it. Darcy, you don't have any horrifying secrets that are going to come out

and ruin this whole project, do you? Feel free to hit us with a no. No. Great. Seriously. Should we have ended the other episode with... No, no, no, no.

You know, this... Once again, thank you for better help or whatever the hell it was called. Yeah, it was better help. Can you just give a quick, better help, just to lead us out? And once again, thanks to our sponsors, Better Help.

And once again, Thank you to our sponsor, today's sponsor, BetterHelp, for sponsoring the James Donald Forbes-McCann Catamaran Plan. Dassey, do you have any problems in your heart with doing ad rates? It's reading words. It's not necessarily believing in a message. If you can read the... If you can get to that point, that's very exciting.

You could Shabas Goy these ads for me. That would be a real job. If you can read a phone book, if you just say it with... Would it be conviction? Yeah. Like, you know those stupid heads are like, oh, well, here we have the master of all paints. Crow's paints. Thank you.

Once again, for Croix, you know, you can do that. He's a natural. I guess I am. I watch too much. I don't even know if they're real paints. I want them. Crow's paints? Croes.

Like, what was it called Crowys? Crowys. Crowys. Yeah. Let's get Crowey's paints on the line. Yes. Thank you for not sponsoring as Crow's Paints. They exist now.

We'll trademark it. Put it in the movie. Well, thank you again for BetterHelp for sponsoring the video today, the podcast. And thank you again for having me here. Sam, James, and Sam Concubine in the garage. They're actually married. Married? That's my wife.

This is wife. Oh. Well, thank you to Simone. Thank you. Perfect. That's. Perfect.