The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Scattering Seeds Across Australia

Episode Date: April 24, 2022

Australia, I love you! Rest of the world, I love you also, but I'm too poor to see you! JDFMCP - The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan is travelling right across this great southern land.If you see me in Canberra over the next few days, come over and say hello.Everybody on the Patreon by the end of this month will be sent a hand drawn mug (I will do the hand drawing). Join here: https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccannDid you see one of the posters I'm putting up across Australia? Let me know! Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

Thank you for listening to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan. If you'd like to listen to bonus episodes, go sign up to the Patreon. That's patreon.clom. Clom? Ah, we f***ed it. Anyway, look, you'll find a way. Catamaran Home! and I'm here to tell you about the new Google Pixel 9 powered by Gemini. Anyone who knows me knows the Pixel has always been my favorite out of all the phones I've ever had. Now, with Gemini built in, it's basically my personal AI assistant. Since I'm truly terrible at keeping up with emails,

I use Gemini to give me summaries of my inbox, which is a lifesaver. And if I'm feeling stuck creatively, I just ask Gemini for help, and bam! Instant inspiration. You can learn more about Google Pixel 9 at store.google.com. Oh, hello and welcome to this episode of the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. Do I have too many names? I thought four names would be a cool thing to have, but a lady in Wagga Wagga, who I handed a poster to today,

did not think as much. I handed her the poster and I said, I'm trying to buy a boat. And she looked at the poster and she said, James MacDonald Forbes. Oh, I'll donate some money for you to lose one of these names. And it was very funny. And I thought, maybe i do have too many names and which name would i drop and then i thought no four names i was reminded of why i did it in the first place four names is, you know, Elvis.

I know he was Elvis Presley. But when you say Elvis, people know who you mean. They don't go, do you mean Elvis Costello? No, the other Elvis. But I thought I would go the other way, right? Because they go, oh, I'm so important. I've only got one name. Adele. You know who that is? What's Adele's last name? I don't know. Beyonce. One name. But I think if you're

really important, like a French king from the 17th century, you've got a lot of names and you expect, it's not just Louis number 14 or whatever. It's Louis Archibald Le Fluffier Rastatunk. Rom-ba-da-ba-da-ba. Whatever. So I just thought four names. I have four names. I thought use all four. Make people say all of them to let them know you're worth it.

If this is the first time you're listening to the James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran plan now, I can have that many names. Maybe the podcast didn't need to be six words. Could have just been the JDFMCP. But we were worried that CP as an abbreviation is no good. Not only does it stand for Christopher Pine, it stands for child pornography. Sometimes. Anyway, welcome. Thank you for listening. The point of this podcast is to use the money from the podcast to buy a boat. I'm aiming for $500,000 at the moment. It's so much fun.

We're having so much fun. There's not a lot of money. I made two and a half grand from an art auction. You can go back and listen to those episodes if you like. I've made $75 selling a piece of art. Online, a dusty rich napkin. I have another half of that napkin that I just can't find, for goodness sake. But when I'm back home, I'll look for it. And then about $500 on the Patreon. We have some wonderful Patreon subscribers who get all sorts of benefits,

like an additional podcast each week, little extra bits of podcast. And, well, I haven't actually gotten around to cutting up the last little bit of extra podcast that I said I was going to, but I will. And also mugs. I'm sending out mugs at the end of this month to everybody on the Patreon. Hand-drawn-by-me mugs. I'm sending out mugs at the end of this month to everybody on the Patreon, hand-drawn-by-me mugs. So we're just trying to make as much money as we can towards the boat. We've got about $497,000 to go,

and I'm enacting a series of plans to get it done. And this plan to grow the podcast is a road trip plan with my family. We're planting seeds ahead of a tour to come. I wasn't aware that this plan was happening before, but it is happening now. We have been on the road for about a week since the last podcast. We left shortly after the last podcast came out. And where have we been? Well, first we went up to the Riverland. That was the first night. We stopped at a town, the name of which I forget, and rather than edit it successfully,

I'll just speak slowly until I remember. Renmark. Remember Renmark. Renmark was lovely. But on the way to Renmark, we went to Loxton. So there was some, the community notice boards in Loxton, they got some James Donald Forbes McCann catamaran planned posters going up there. Renmark, there were some posters in Renmark.

We were there for Greek Easter, sang across the road from what I think was a Greek Orthodox church. We moved on into Victoria, Mildura. Better believe they got some posters there. Then it was on to the Hay Plains, an incredibly flat, the flattest place in the Southern Hemisphere, the flattest place in Australia, probably the flattest continent of all.

I bet it is. Gee, it was flat. Indescribably flat is how I'm going to describe it. Unundulating. But in the middle of the Hay Plains is a place called Hay. And I met a wonderful woman in Hay who has an artsy shop. Hay is in the middle of these plains. I don't believe they have an airport. They've got about 4,000 people, but they have this wonderful vibe. They have a wonderful country pub and they have this wonderful travel store. And next to that, they have a glorious little art shop. And I followed them on Instagram and they followed me on Instagram and that's a seed. Listen, I didn't even know hay existed before stopping in hay. And now I believe we are in conversation to put a show on in hay.

Oh, I would so love to come and perform for the people of hay. Who knows how many people we would get along to that show. You know, we've got to stop somewhere along those hay planes. We couldn't stay in hay. I tried to call a lot of motels in Hay and they wouldn't have me. In fact, some of the motel operators were a bit snooty. They said, oh, tonight? I wouldn't have thought. We're booked up till May. Can't stay in hay till May. But I found out why from the lady who owned the shop. She said, oh, it's because they're filming Mad Max here. And she said, I bet they didn't tell you that.

And I said, no, they didn't. They were just flexing. And I said to the lady, have you seen anyone famous in town for Mad Max? And she said, well, the stars aren't all here because they're filming some of the crash scenes with the cars. But I saw Liam Hemsworth's body double. She said, and he was all right. My jaw hit the floor. I think that's nice that that's the famous person you got to see. Someone who looks a bit like, someone who, no, to be fair, looks to a professional standard.

Like Liam's Hemsworth. Liam's Hemsworth? That's how you pluralize it. It's like attorneys general. It's not Liam Hemsworth's. They are the Liam's Hemsworth. Anyway, got through Hay, went on to another town after that, and then came in to glorious Wagga Wagga. And the first thing I did when I got to Wagga Wagga, we got in the morning, I recorded a

YouTube video in a skate park. That'll be my first order of business. Excuse me. As we jingle the keys to start the meeting, for those who haven't listened before, we tried to make every one of these a productive meeting. That one had a bit of a longer preamble than ordinary. And I filmed a YouTube video blog in the skate park as the sun was coming up in Wagga Wagga, drinking my coffee just after I'd eaten some breakfast burger. Oh, I love the season of Easter.

And it was wonderful, and it has now been viewed, that video, as we look that up, that has been viewed 71 times, which is not nearly as much as we're now getting on the pod. So perhaps YouTube is not as good a medium. Perhaps I am visually disgusting. We're going to keep trying with the vlog. If you're listening to this from Canberra, well, keep an eye out for me. I'll be filming a video blog in Canberra very soon. And that's where we're off to tomorrow. Today, I've been in Wagga Wagga, putting up we're off to tomorrow. Today I've been in Wagga Wagga putting up flyers, put up flyers in Wagga Wagga yesterday as well and wonderful people in Wagga Wagga and then we're going into Canberra for a few nights and I'm going to stand in Canberra by Parliament House and I am going to hand my

posters and flyers to the most powerful and influential people in the country. Now obviously it's not a sitting week. Pollies won't be there. So they're not in a position to help. They'll be in their respective electorates trying to drum up some support. But I would have to think that some senior bureaucrats freaking out about what is going on with the Solomon Islands will be there. And then perhaps they will support the podcast

if they're not worried about the Chinese government descending on our shores. Anyway, I'll be in Canberra. I'll be handing out flyers. And this is a one... It cost about $100 to print out all the flyers. We're here to grow the pod. We are here to get people in hay listening to the pod...

We're here to get people in hay listening to the pod. We're here to get you listening to the podcast so that I can come back and do a show of excellent, possibly nautically themed stand-up comedy and make money from you on the ticket sales towards the boat. Because, like, yes, I can do the big five cities. I can do Brisbane, Melbourne. I can do Sydney. I can do Adelaide. I can do Perth. Sure. But what about the places in between? The real Australia. I'll be able to visit those five cities when I have my boat. Anytime. They're all on the coast. But Canberra. Hey, Wagga Wagga.

Nooriupta. You know, some of these places are on the river. So I may actually be able to get the boat up the river. I was thinking about buying a houseboat. Oh, I've had so many thoughts. You can't help but having a thought when you're driving across four hours of flat. There's no time on those hay planes to go, look at that wonderful piece of scenery. You're just out there going, there's nothing here. I loved it.

Poetical. The absence of stuff is a quantity in itself. You know, God, the rest is silence. That's what they say of God, I think, at the end of the Suma. And there's a beauty in the absence of stuff. Oh, I of the summer. And there's a beauty in the absence of stuff. Oh, I loved the flat. Mugs is the next order of business that I wanted to talk about.

We have 24 people now on the Patreon. Can you believe that? It seemed only recently that it was zero. Because it was. Because we started this podcast in December and it's been a glorious, glorious domination of the charts and of the Patreon growth. We got 24 people. $230 per month.

If we can get that to $800 per month, I will be able to buy a boat at $500,000 within my lifetime. So please, if you want your own mug, join that Patreon. I'll get you a mug good things are happening great times are coming here's my wife hello sweet wife uh have you got our son yes am i kissing him good night Ah, the dummy. Yep. Okay. He had quite a bad fall. He had a bad fall? Yeah, his bump is here. Are you okay?

Yeah. Come on. All right. Well, now I can't... I didn't actually find it. I can't... There are bananas in there. There are bananas in here. Yeah, we're going to want to put them in the bin.

All right, you know what, Catamaran fam? I'll be back in a moment. Okay, I'm back. I'm back. We found the dummy. Everything's good. Wagga Wagga. Wonderful place.

Can't wait to come back. Dane Simpson. My open letters to you, by the way, this week, Dane Simpson. Dane Simpson, if you're listening, who runs the gigs in Wagga Wagga and is a wonderful man. I know I'm not the most successful comedian in the world. I know the Wagga Wagga Riverina Comedy Club can, you know, you usually get the Dave Hughes's of the world and Cal Wilson coming to town. I would think from time to time this status of person, the elite of Australian comedy, you know, and here I am cancelling shows at the Melbourne International Comedy Festival. You're probably thinking,

oh, let's not get that James Buchanan here. Dane Simpson of Wagga Wagga, please. I can't wait to come and do shows here. I'd love to do that with you. If you can help me get some shows and build some support for the podcast in Wagga, I'd be very, very grateful. And let's have some affirmations to close it out. I affirm that we are going to grow the audience for this podcast. I affirm it. Here's another affirmation. I'm going to get to the point in my life and career when I'm not recording quite as many of these. You can hear me banging on the steering wheel when I don't have to record quite as many of these in our car. Or maybe I can have a bigger car or a caravan.

One day a boat. Can't wait to have a boat and start doing some of these in the boat. Even if it's a smaller boat on the way to the bigger boat. You know? Maybe a houseboat. Affirmations! And here's another affirmation. Oh!

Just in the middle of the affirmations, there is a very brief interview. Chris and Claire, who we're staying with in Wagga Wagga. Let's play it now. Let's play that interview with Chris and Claire. Here's some context for the interview you're about to hear. Earlier in the day, James had, by freak accident, won a game of putt-putt golf. Then, immediately afterwards, Chris destroyed James in a very emotional game

of table tennis. I'm joined by, oh, you're in it, you're in it now, I'm just talking now. Joined by Chris and Claire. Claire not at all wanting to be on the podcast. And by Chris, and they've had us to stay at their house and woggle-woggle with the whole family. Chris, how are you doing? I'm doing very well, James. How are you? So good. The whole podcast community thanks you for having us here

for this effort to evangelise about the podcast. How did we go in the putt-putt golf earlier today? Look, let's talk about table tennis. No, no, the putt-putt golf, an absolutely dominant performance. Chris, it's been so good having you on the podcast. James, let's talk about about table tennis. No, no, the putt-putt golf, an absolutely dominant performance. Chris, it's been so good having you on the podcast. James, let's talk about the table tennis. And Claire. Thanks, James.

Still not really wanting to participate. Fine, thanks. Okay, we'll cut now. Massive thanks once again to Chris and Claire for having the McCann family to stay. You can come on the future boat anytime. Also, sorry for knocking over that cheese board. Oh, I can't wait to go to so many places with so many fans. I think we've got 23 listeners in Canberra. If you see me on the street, come up and say hello. I love you. I need you. There's a man

walking past. He looks okay. He's kept going. I'm just sitting in a driveway in the dark. I love you. I miss you. I hope you have a wonderful Anzac Day if you're listening to this on Anzac Day. Keep it real. Catamaran Ho. I believe in you. And I believe in myself.

Oh! This episode is brought to you by Google Pixel. I'm Jessi Cruikshank. I host the number one comedy podcast called Phone a Friend. I also have three kids. I need help making every day easier. So I switched to Google Pixel. It's a phone powered by Gemini, your personal AI assistant.

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