The James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan - Setting Up (ft. Blake Freeman & Eve Ellenbogen)

Episode Date: June 6, 2024

While Eve sets up in the background, James sits down for a chat with comedian Blake Freeman. It's a totally normal and conventional podcast except that Eve is making the set in the background. This will only mean something to people watching the video, though. Other wise I assume it'll be a normal podcast with some annoying hammering sounds.Go check out the JDFM youtube for the VISUAL COMPONENT: https://www.youtube.com/@jamesdonaldforbesmccannHere is Blake Freeman's instagram: https://www.instagram.com/blakeyboyboolinJoin the sailing club to contribute financially to James Donald Forbes McCann's journey to boat ownership AND you'll get to watch the GOD SAVE THE KING special and important video : https://www.patreon.com/jdfmccannBuy the several books written by James Donald Forbes McCann: https://www.jdfmccann.com/booksFind Eve on instagram: https://www.instagram.com/eveelbow/ Hosted on Acast. See acast.com/privacy for more information.

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grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com I'm recording an album of covers of songs by women.

Yeah, okay. Because I think maybe men haven't given those songs a shot. And, um, I'm calling it Cover Up and I'm gonna have a hijab made because I think maybe men haven't given those songs a shot. I'm calling it Cover Up, and I'm going to have a hijab made. Are you really?

Yes. That's my idea. I may just push out and call it Under the Covers and have men and women, but that was my original thought. We're joined today by two very special guests on the James Donald Forbes McCann Catamaran Plan. Blake is a free man. How are you, mate? And Eve Ellen Bogan.

But Eve's not really on the pod. She's just on the visual component. Setting up the set. And I thought, wouldn't this be good? Sunglasses make me feel like a dickhead. I think they look great. They're very top-notch. It feels like a power move to keep you on. Anyway, sunglasses. thank you for coming.

I've known you for years. When did I meet you? We would have met... I think we met in Adelaide. We must have met in Adelaide. I think it was Melbourne. I think it was Station 69. I don't know what it's called.

Station 59. Station 59. Did we meet there? Yeah, I did a show. I'd just come to Melbourne and I wasn't doing... I wasn't able to do good gigs. And I went out there and I did that one. I mean, that was, it's odd because that was a terrible gig.

Like that night that I went, there was almost nobody there. Yeah. But so many good comedians started out in the Melbourne scene who are now like the Melbourne comedians. So I'm like, hey, they're very good. Started out there. There was a big wave. It is crazy.

Everyone started there and then realized that the guy who ran it was an interesting cat and we all bailed like why don't we just do other spots by recollection he was principled he always had like a cause i would see him with a sign being like this is free comedy and that means something yeah, that was very much so his thing, but... Now, do you think that hammering will be audible? I 100% think so. I didn't really think... How much hammering is there, would you say, Eve?

Quite a bit. Okay. It seems like it's going to be all hammering. No, it adds colour. I'm trying to take people with me on this journey. I don't know why I've done this This is a terrible idea I know, you're right

You've got to listen to the producer sometimes And then when did you meet? So I came to Melbourne And you had just started You were too young to get into gigs Yeah You were 17 but you were getting in anyway I was getting in

I was allowed to do the spot And then I had to leave immediately after Or I would be on stage There was one time I was on stage Where I was doing the spot And then i had to leave immediately after or i would be on stage there was one time i was on stage where i was doing the spot and i said i was 17 and then they were like you have to leave right now during the set yeah i did like two minutes of a spot and then the guy behind the bar was like you have to go you can't be in here we are a nanny state i think in america they'd let a small child come in you reckon they'd have no problem with it. Did you ever do fish face comedy?

Fish face. Oh, the one in the, because it was like a cafe, restaurant, video store, comedy club. They had massage chairs out front. Yes. I got the word, I got very bad food poisoning. Yeah. And it was run by a man who I believe was filming pornography. He was.

He would film it there because there was i didn't know that they built a whole back section they'd taken out some of like the dvds and they built like a small room probably this big yeah and there was just a table in there and he took sex on the table yeah yeah and he took me in there and he was like this is where we this is where i film porn and i remember being 17 and so scared of this man. Oh, look, I would have been in my early 20s and I was terrified. Yeah, he sucked. Okay, they gave out awards instead of money.

There was office lighting. It was in West Footscray, which I never went back to. Eve, you never did this gig. No. It would have closed by that time. I love this. I'm taking this. I'm moving it down.

I love that. I just love everything. There were... Melbourne was different because it was big enough. And Adelaide was so small that the people who were doing it semi-professionally

and the people who were schizophrenic would do the same room. Yeah. It's just like there was one scene and that was it but melbourne was slightly bigger and could stratify into pro semi-pro underclass to use a term that you did you did call me underclass last night i had thought you were underclass i am that but i would never call myself one of the only like people from a disadvantaged background in aust comedy, I believe. You reckon?

It's a posh boys club. Yeah, there are a lot of people who have studied law who do stand up. I mean, me included. Did you really? I dropped out. Yeah, okay. I think that's more common than people who have finished it. That's true.

Yeah, okay. And he definitely wrote his own final essay. He didn't get me to do that for him like an international student hiring an underpaid professor yes

so I know I could have I'll put it this way I could have finished a law degree I could have done the final paper but I did not see I'd never

been to you I went to a technical college you're a TAFE boy yeah what did you study at TAFE? I studied creative industries and media. But we studied at...

Oh, man, that is such a rort. It was a complete rort. I still don't know how to use Photoshop or anything. But it was at a school where everyone else there, there were kids who had been expelled or had been in juvenile detention and no other school would take them. And then there was me and six other people who just wanted to learn Photoshop.

And they didn't teach you Photoshop? No. It's their only job is to let you know how Photoshop works. Well, it was more just the harassment you would get from the kids who definitely were on their way to actual jail very soon. Well, it's important to try and catch some of those kids before they get there, to have these programs. But I think you would have done well at RMIT.

Although that may, you know, you possibly avoided a lot of the indoctrination. I sat in on some of those RMIT classes. So I knew people who were going there. And at Adelaideide uni I went to media studies like a week things yeah okay it's nuts none of it was technical abilities all of it was like what is the media what is our role who are we what is society it's like this is yeah okay see I think I have a terrible idea of what media is like what media study is

because they told us it was film yeah they were like yeah this is for film this is film school yeah yeah which it was it couldn't have been anything further from film we never filmed anything we didn't film a single thing we took photos and then didn't edit them didn't edit them oh well they were like yeah yeah edit it on photo And then like No guidance Just go do it on photo Yeah yeah So I would change

I would just change my photos To black and white Nice And be like That's what I thought I think that's crazy I never I'm surprised I passed

How long did you last here? I think I did like I think it was like I choose to believe That's not annoying for the listeners. Yeah, yeah. I'm just not going to acknowledge it. Good. Let's ignore it.

From here on out, we don't mention it. We shouldn't mention it. A few months? Yeah, like I think 10 months all up. Over two years. All right. And what did you do? So that got you to what?

20? No, that was for high school. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Are you a high school dropout? Technically, yes. Nice. Yeah, yeah. I would fist bump you, but that would mean I too was a high school dropout. Yeah, I was for high school. Oh, okay. Yeah, yeah. Are you a high school dropout? Technically, yes. Nice. Yeah, yeah.

I would fist bump you, but that would mean I too was a high school dropout. Yeah, I was going to say. But I did very well. Yeah, I'm not surprised. At a light and luxe school. I can't help noticing you were wearing a pearl necklace last night. I was, yes. And you've swapped it for a chain.

I brought multiple necklaces on my two-week trip. How many necklaces do you currently have? I bought, I have four. Is this to ingratiate you with the New York sophisticates? Or were you a necklace wearer in Australia? I was a very new necklace wearer on the way out of Australia. And then I thought I'd really ramp it up in America. Not chains, necklaces.

Yeah. This is sort of a chain, isn't it? That is a chain. It's totally a late 90s um soap shoe wearing you have soap shoes that would be like a part of the do you know what soap shoes no do you remember i'm from the underclass oh the underclass let me tell you boy did they take to the soap this was like there was a bit of hard plastic in the middle of the bottom of the shoe that you would like soap up and then you could like do skateboard grinds on the shoe. Like you'd be walking around and then like on a curb, you'd go like.

Really? Yeah. It was only a big thing in the very brief period of the late 90s. Like kind of, I guess like, is that where wheelies evolved from or heelies? I reckon they were probably parallel. This was probably a blimp airplane situation. Yep, okay. And the wheelies won out,

which are now only worn by children belonging to parents who I don't like. Whenever I see a kid out there doing the little thing with their feet, scooting around, I don't think you're a good parent. I don't think anyone should allow their children to have these shoes.

There's a lot of things I would judge. We should... That's nice. That's nice. It is coming together very well. Thank you. Yeah. I'm trying to keep it all on the same eye line

so that you can have it in the background. No, it's good. It's worked. This is going to work. What is that? A list of knots? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Huh?

Yeah, okay. Good set designer. You're an excellent set designer I wanted to look like the person who put this up has absolutely no taste you could also do a good job yeah I was gonna say that's also shitting on us complimenting it

you wouldn't know you wouldn't understand we're going for high production on this podcast as best we can things are starting to come together Eve if you want to talk you come over and talk into the microphone We're going for high production on this podcast as best we can. Things are starting to come together. Eve, if you want to talk, you come over and talk into the microphone or else people get very upset. It's better than when you were in the van.

Being in the van was an exciting chapter of the podcast. Yeah, okay. The acoustics in a van are sensational. I organized this, so I just get angry about it. Yeah, yeah. so can I ask you hit me really quickly what

because I don't know anything about boats yeah what is a catamaran is that a silly question two hulls so it's like a yacht would have one wooden bit

down the bottom and a catamaran has two so it's a bit more stable for the family to live on okay and a trimarine would have three like two levels or two separate areas two canoes with a bit of okay yeah yeah and you're you're striving for a

catamaran yes so my original plan was to just start a podcast and then have it be extremely successful yeah and that didn't happen in the first year or the second year. And then so I had like a series of plans. I had an art auction. I had all these ideas. The current plan is break America and become extremely successful in America and use that money to buy a boat. It's the best plan I've had.

So the money is currently being used to just keep this America trip working. But before then then i was like recycling it into we did a big art auction albums books of poems you know just the best ideas i could come up with at the time so you've got a catamaran fund going yeah yeah okay which is currently bare like more people are joining the patreon and eve's milking me dry. But... Talk into the mic. If I could say how little money I'm making per hour.

You can't. You can't. Like peasant. Get over there. I can have anything. Out of the charity of my heart. The sunglasses are coming on. Put them on.

Boss man. So we're getting there. I'm trying to break America as quick as I can. Yeah. And it's gone very well. Yeah. You're doing great. We're hanging on.

Yeah, okay. At the moment, it's just like, try and be very professional. I'm being professional here in a way I never was at home. Yeah, okay. Now, I think you had a good attitude in Australia. You say you weren't about you weren't breaking australia we had a conversation about how successful you felt in australia i felt you were there you at the abc was getting you to do

little things here and there yeah you were cool very handsome you would have had a money you know you would have had an ad for a gambling company in no time did you ever get offered the sports bit i never got offered a single i auditioned i think i looked too young because you meant to look 28 nice and i think i kept looking is that a rule in the industry yeah you have to look over like a certain age that's mental i could definitely have done those ads you should have you're so good i never got a call no i find it disgusting that they... Yeah. Like really good sketch comedians are giving their life's work to sports bed.

It is crazy. But it's also that thing where in Australia, it's kind of... You're like, well, it's good money. Of course. And it's like, don't look... But also... Okay, it is.

In America, I would accept that because there's no safety net. In Australia, we have enough dole money and programs and grants and things that you should be able to have some principles you're not going to be under a bridge if it doesn't work out yeah that's true if you want to but i guess if the goal is to live off the money you make creatively, then when you hit a point where you're like flat broke and someone's like, hey, do you want 20 grand for two days work? Of course.

Yeah. And thank God I was never given that opportunity. So I'm able to condemn these people for having taken it because I would have taken it. Oh, in a heartbeat. But I find it, they're all very like lefty progressive people with high ideals. Yeah.

Who then immediately, and then no one holds it against them that they prostitute themselves. See, I had that. To a worse company. a hobby but i find it they're all very like lefty progressive people with high ideals yeah who then immediately and then no one holds it against them that they prostitute themselves see i had that for ages i was like oh i would never i was like i will never do a gambling ad i'll never do like an alcohol ad yep but then i remember being so broke i was like man, man, I'll do a beep. I'll do anything. Yeah. Like I will swim in oil and talk about how beautiful oil is. Like I'll do anything for cash. BHP stands for beautiful.

Hip. Problem solving. I don't know. Yeah, but it's the other thing. Like I was always an objectivist, Ayn Rand conservative

before I became a Catholic. I would have done all the ads. Yeah, yeah. But then all these people who act like they wouldn't do the ads end up doing them, and no one even asks me. No one says. I wouldn't even be selling out for me. It would be entirely consistent with what I believe about the world.

Eve, you got any thoughts? About whether to do... It's fine. Back you go. Eve's doing a tremendous job. Where are the scissors? They'll be inside. Do you need the keys?

I'll give you the keys. I think it's open. I think the kids went out for a picnic. It probably is open. It's a great... Maybe in the... I would say kitchen. The drawer.

Somewhere in the kitchen sorry alright please do um sorry she can get out do you reckon it's also he's gonna edit down fine

yeah right if you're also just loving like companies and wanting to pump it anyway yeah if they're like

well we already know we've got McCann on side anyway we don't need to... Why don't we flip one of these artists? Yeah. Get them to bend the sports bet. Yeah, you can't sell out

if you have nothing to sell out for. Yeah, yeah. And I think they want to break people. I think they're doing a good job. So they can sell their credibility. When did you know you had to come to this country? I'd always wanted to. Yeah.

I'd always wanted to. I mean, I never lived anywhere else either but visiting is one thing yeah like it's so easy to go to the UK from Australia

like they'll just take you in and you can gig there and you don't have to do a lot of paperwork yeah to come here it's punishing yeah

it's a nightmare getting the visa was a whole nightmare it's expensive it's nasty you have to claim you've never wanted to design a genocide

you've never been involved in sex trafficking those questions i mean everyone talks about it but they rule so much where it's like have you ever had child soldiers it's like how the fuck well i had to fill them out for my kids did you really yeah so my my then zero year old baby i was like he's never i've never done it i had to declare on his behalf that he'd never done it and it just felt something about it felt uh wrong i don't know what it was but it yeah like you shouldn't be asking if my baby's done a genocide yeah um it felt disrespectful to accuse that of your child so young yeah it is yeah i understand but i think it's probably just someone in it felt like worse than what it was because all i really had to do is click no no

no no no no yeah and it was all true because he's a baby he's never done anything but like spiritually i can't put my finger on why spiritually it felt like a problem but it did yeah i wonder like do you reckon it's having to get a baby involved in so much admin already? It's like you're fresh out. Yeah. But once you're in, there's way less admin. There's not a lot of forms to fill out in this country by comparison. None.

I haven't had to show paperwork or anything any time I've crossed a border. No. If you do a W- which is the like when you do a gig for someone you fill out the form yeah in australia the tax file declaration form is seven pages long you don't have to fill out all of it but it's that like you know it's got all the boxes yeah yeah this one's like give us your name give us your social security number where are we paying you that's it yeah that's I love it. I feel there's so much about America that I am going to grapple with when I get home. Is that?

I think so as well. Yeah. I think there are, it is that thing where this country runs parallel, but it's so different. It's incredible. They really believe in freedom. Yeah. But I don't, do you think the freedom that they have is any different to any other countries? Like I would say Australia's freedom?

Yeah. Yeah? Driving what in what sense you can do you drive here no all right it's huge it's gonna be huge cut that right out thank you so much so lovely all right thank you. I love you. Stop pretending, James. We know you have kids. I love so much. No, but I just... I don't want a suicide hotline to be set up and for women to start killing themselves

because they can't have me. Oh, yeah. Because I'm happily married. Apparently, these are on backwards. Someone wrote to me and told me. Oh. Which part? Can you take them off and just re...

I can. Wait, so when you bought that shirt, it came... You had to assemble it. Yes, but Eve's done a tremendous job getting... Enough! Hello. Hello. Hello.

Hello. I've done a tremendous job. He's done a tremendous job. Should I do my lottery ticket? Yes, but quietly in the corner. Are you working towards a special? I am working towards a show for next year. Okay.

But I'm in the process of being like, how much of this will translate in australia that's bizarre isn't it yeah it's like how much of what you're doing here now can you take back home yeah isn't that a nice flip you start out going how much of my australia gear can i carry over there yeah how much of this gear will australia love and it's stressful to or it to move somewhere new and already be thinking about back home yeah It's like, how am I working towards back home? Which is good. It's good to have a goal.

Are you going to go back and do the festival season? Yeah. Smart. That is great. Yeah. Try and do that. Enjoy it. But yeah, I guess I've just been trying to get in at the smaller clubs.

Yes. Trying to work my way in at some of the better ones. Nice. And then just cool independent shows. That's the dream. Yeah. And then we'll get you through it. You get the cell in at some of the better ones. Nice. And then just cool independent shows. That's the dream. Yeah. And then we'll get you through it. You get the cellar at some point.

It would be sick. That's the number one. That's my dream. Yeah. And then are you going to be a club act? Is that the goal? I mean, I would love to. I would love to just do stand-up, right?

Yes. Go out to Minnesota. I would love to go to Minnesota. Go to the Mall of America. Is that-up, right? Yes. Like... Go out to Minnesota. I would love to go to Minnesota. Go to the Mall of America. Is that in Minnesota, Eve? Yes. Is that the biggest shopping center in... The biggest shopping center in the world.

See... Is it still? I don't know. I would love to go to it. I love shopping centers. I find them therapeutic. This is heartbreaking about Austin. They're like two malls and they're not great.

Really? Yeah. Other parts of... They do strip malls. There's a big car park. Yeah, okay. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But this thing...

Because it's so hot. I just want to go into a mall and be there for three hours with the kids, take them away. I was going to say, do you do that with the kids as a way to kind of distract them? Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Get them through a day. Very few museums in Austin. Yeah. The kids music the thinkery yesterday that was good but it was it's like okay we've done that yeah i don't really want to go back there all of a sudden um and there

were no dinosaurs there did you win i'm sorry that sucks well how far is like dallas in that can't you like trek up there for Like a day or Or weekend We can we should Yeah Houston is more doable Houston's like two and a half hours Yeah okay Three hours

Four hours San Antonio's really close We went to a museum there Yeah rad It is The drive is hideous It's like In what way?

It just doesn't It's just like Shops And Four story highways The whole way Like I had thought i'm driving through texas rolling hills yeah sweeping plains it's just see that's what we went through we me and my partner drove through louisiana one time and it was just flat but with houses everywhere yeah like everywhere it's so filled in that's what's so crazy About coming here Like in Australia You can drive for hours

And not see Fucking anyone Or anything It's so nice It's the best That country drive Yeah Is

I miss it You have to I believe that is here But you just have to go Like way in Way out Yeah okay But driving

I drove from Notre Dame To Houston And there was stuff The whole way Even Austin I did I did take the interstate I'm sure we could have gone Off the Off the beaten path to Houston and there was stuff the whole way. Even Austin. I did take the interest.

I'm sure we could have gone off the beaten path. But we got to go to Branson and that was nice, but I've spoken about that a lot already. Yakov Smirnoff's comedy theater. All right, come in, grab a seat. You two share. I'm really bummed. I have been thinking about lottery tickets a lot recently.

And you know when you get so certain of something that you're like, all I have to do is buy it? And that's taking the first step that they talk about in all the self-help books it's like take the first step towards the universe and the universe will provide nuts and i bought a ticket and i thought at least i'd win back the money from the ticket i didn't get anything nothing not a dollar it's a jews you know the answer you got to buy more lottery tickets you got to keep going well you know what i might need a raise not for your lottery ticket addiction and to be fair by the way the reason i bought the lottery ticket was because i stopped in at the gas station because you were like can you get me some zen you called me from the toilet couldn't even get me you called me this morning from the toilet there's a zen shortage i answered

the call from the toilet. You called me and then I returned your call while you were taking a big one. And then I was... I didn't say that. You could just hear it was an echoey room. Well, I don't think that you're... I didn't deny it. I count it to the like.

That looks great. Looks good, right? I mean, there's more to be done. Yeah. We're going to have fish hanging from there. Yeah, fish, seashells I'm about to add. Now, I want to say this. Okay, we're increasingly having a normative podcast set up here.

Obviously, it would be good if you both had microphones. We need to have things that can clip into reels. Yeah. All right. Let's just hit big news stories. And then it'll grow. Okay. Hold on. And then it'll grow.

Hold on. Did you see Nigel Farage was hit with a milkshake? What kind of fucking scumbag would do that to a great man? I don't know who Nigel Farage is. He's the guy who suggested Brexit and then it was successful and then he said, oh, wow, I never thought it would work. And so now he's running for prime minister, right? MPI, he'll be around. He's trying to be the prime minister of the UK.

But he's hated. Yeah, okay. You know what Brexit was? Yeah, I know what Brexit was. I'm pretty sure. You're poor. Fuck you. Eve's from old money.

Yeah. I'm not from old money. Babylonian coins. This is a hard country. This is a challenging country. America. Yeah. To break.

Yeah. Yeah. But it's doable with a good attitude. Yeah. Have you ever read Catcher in the Rye? I've never read Catcher in the Rye. Okay. It's a...

Catcher in the Rye. This is going to be a great reel. Catcher in the Rye. This is going to be a great reel. Catcher in the rye. It was written by a man called J.D. Salinger, who later became a recluse. But he was in like the nastiest part of World War II. He was really involved in heavy fighting. And then he comes back and he writes not a war book,

but a book about a boy who's gone through some hard times who just stumbles around new york city for two days and seemingly gets pneumonia that's the whole book and he like hangs out with a prostitute and he doesn't have sex with her and he sees some nuns and then his sister's on a carousel and it rains that's the end of the book that's all that happens but really what it is about is uh cynicism to study about like it's all right it's about like it was banned is the other thing so all yeah it was routinely on like and the way that like trans books are banned from libraries like they didn't actually the government didn't censor it but people wouldn't have it in their school libraries because they thought it was a bad influence on children and i had read it years

ago and i reread it now and i always thought like why is why like this seems like a relatively harmless book about a boy who's just hanging out and doing stuff i think it's because it can be read as a glorification of cynicism and that's the one thing that can destroy you in america is a bad attitude like if you have a good attitude here, incredible things can happen. And a lot of luck and like all these other things. But like if you are a waitress and you smile and you're optimistic,

you can pull home thousands, at least a thousand bucks a week. If you're like, I don't like being a waitress. This sucks. Everything's crummy. Everyone's a fake. Financially, you're ruined.

Like having a bad attitude will kill you in this country. Nirvana. Again, why did Nirvana seem edgy and strange? Life is dumb. Everything's hard. You can't have that attitude here. You have to have that attitude in Australia.

Yeah. And in the UK where cynicism is like a national pastime. Yeah. But here, it has real world manifestations on your bank account that's how i feel do you reckon that's because everyone is maybe going through it like everyone's maybe having like a rough go yeah so when people are having a rough go but they're in a good mood about it everyone's like fuck yeah like we love that i'm getting behind hey yeah he's giving it his best yeah and they don't he's everything they don't care if you fail in america yeah i i find you tell me if i'm wrong you're the america but it seems like if you try really hard

and you've got a good attitude that's okay because like if people have declared bankruptcy you're like yeah but then it came he came back from bankruptcy is the thing that people would say here not like he was a bankrupt can i chime in about this yeah are women allowed to speak that we sometimes yeah um i specifically i was working on a joke about this that i abandoned but yeah i think this is why in the u.s you have so many sober comics because like in australia if you say like you get on stage and you're like i haven't had a drink in you know five years here they'll cheer for you yeah in australia they're like you're a pussy. Amos is a great joke. Does he?

Yeah. He goes, um, in Australia, in America, if you say I quit drinking, they give you a round of applause. In Australia,

you say I quit drinking. People go, oh, he killed someone with his car. Yeah. But it's, I think it's because here people want, people are excited when you're trying to make your life better.

Yeah. And I think it is because we, we feel like we we there's no net so it's like if you don't work you will die if you let go like you'll just be poor there's no health care there's no housing nothing like that so it's like don't fucking bring us down with your negativity because it you could we're all in the struggle. Yeah. But bring us up. Wow, that's so inspiring. Like you didn't drink for five...

After you killed somebody... That's so incredible that you didn't turn to drink. When I feel like manic about Australia and I go, I love this country. I love Australia. People go like,

why? You know what I mean? Like Adelaide. I'm really pumped on Adelaide. And people in Adelaide will be like, there's nothing to do. Football teams are collapsing once again. Like it's really down. In America, it's like, I love this country.

People go, yeah. I can't imagine saying I love Australia and getting a spontaneous round of applause. I don't think you ever could. I'm going to try it when I go back. I love Australia. Where's he going with this? want to go back i love australia where's he going with this if you say one word against australia right when you're not australian as i did once or twice people fucking like who the fuck do you think you are whereas here they import people into america to say nasty shit about america

john oliver what do you think your politicians politicians are so corrupt, it's unbelievable. My least favourite is Trevor Noah. I can't believe how absolutely hateful. The race problem in America is so bad. Really, Trevor? What country are you from? How's the race question going on over there? Do you know what I mean? And here they lap it up.

Yum, yum, yum. Oh, Trevor, please tell us what's wrong with this. We love to tune in. Blake just turned red because he sees his future collapsing.

Obviously, Trevor Noah is a sensational comedian worthy of our respect. Is it racist to do someone's accent when they're not white but the accent is white? Well, he's

we would say he would say colored I'm gonna turn this off and that's a turn that's a classification there that's not a negative and I would just say that I mean you've been waiting to say it your whole life it's halfway in South Africa that's actually allowed it says I know what I'm talking it's an educated words an educated word to say is colored and and I only say it in that context and when I'm doing his accent, because he's half white, half black, I'm only doing the white half.

This will cut well so far. You wait and you see how professional this looks. I'm very interested. I can't. I wish I could just do a calm, you know, like... Some people do podcasts and they just like keep it on the rails the whole time. And it's like a free flowing.

But that's not really your vibe though, right? Yeah, yeah. But that's fine. We'll get out. We'll get out. Yeah, it wouldn't make sense if you were wearing a normal button-up shirt and not a captain's hat just asking genuine questions. Why can't I?

Let's give it a go. You got any great anecdotes? I've got a lot. If you have any beautiful anecdotes, now's the time to tell them. Have I got any anecdotes? I don't know. That's what every talk show is really about. You got anything really funny you can say?

I don't know if this is funny, but I told my partner this the other day because I remembered it when I was lying in bed the other night. Tell me. It just came into my mind. So this happened when i was in primary school which is like elementary school yes and uh i remember i i spat on the ground and uh a teacher saw me spit and was like you need to come to my office after lunch and then i went into her office and and she was like, do you think it's okay to spit on the ground? And I was like, oh, yeah, I don't know. Yeah.

Outside? Yeah, outside. It was on an oval, on a grass oval. And she was like, yeah, but if you spit on the ground, and someone has a cut on their knee, and they kneel into that cut, and they get your saliva in their cut, now they've got AIDS.

Swear to God. And then she was like, and then if that student goes and maybe kisses another student, and now that student has AIDS. And she just ran through this whole thing, and she, to the end of it, she was like, and now 20 students have AIDS, and you've given 20 students AIDS.

We should mention for the listeners, you don't have AIDS. I don't have AIDS. Which would be a necessary precondition of giving someone the AIDS. I would have been maybe eight or nine. Maybe eight or nine. What year were you in that? I would have been year two. What year?

Oh, like 2003. Right. Yeah. First of all, that's so late for somebody to think that you could get AIDS from spit. Man, Eve. I'm telling you. The Australian primary education system

in the 90s through the early 2000s was unbelievably geared towards aids awareness campaigns so the same thing happened to me but it was not it was not as innocent so we were doing like blood sisters so this is a little bit more so it was like you cut your hand and then you rub your hands together at my school but it was like but it was like 1994 which like to be fair suburbs of new york city a little bit more understandable that there would be an aids scare and then they like had to be fair, suburbs of New York city, a little bit more understandable that there'd be an AIDS scare. And then they like had to be like AIDS. And we were kids. And so then we were like,

Oh, AIDS. And also Forrest Gump came out around then. And Jenny does have AIDS. And my dad explained it to me. And then I had a dream about him trying to give me AIDS with a heroin needle. But, um,

when I lived in Australia, I felt really paranoid because I had sex without a condom. I know you're against sex outside of marriage. I'm in support of sex without a condom. I think it's great you didn't have a condom. Yeah. Thanks, James. You shouldn't have had the sex, but obviously closer to being good.

Go on. But this is how far Australia has shifted. I went to get my test and whatever, and I was like, ah, I shouldn't have blah, blah, blah. And then I was really paranoid, and i was like ah i shouldn't blah blah and then i was really paranoid and i was like there's no aids like i was like yeah like and i just wanted her to go i'm sure you're fine but use a condom and she goes honestly and this is at the sexual health clinic she's like honestly there's so little aids in australia you're more likely to get hit by a bus than you are to get aids without so it doesn't really matter if I use a condom I'm like this is crazy that's definitely not her job to say that no yeah so anyway comparably fused heterosexual women

getting AIDS as well it's true but it's such an irresponsible thing to say and I was I mean well there's this push to like don't worry about There's been a big push over the last few years. Like, if you get it, you get it. That's nice. You can live with it. It's fine. Don't stigmatize it. If you want to give it to someone on purpose, it's not a crime, whatever.

That's totally what the discourse is. It's so funny. You have such a memory for dialogue. That's literally the Surgeon General of California saying, go out and give someone AIDS today. Actually, you know what, you're right. I did hear that. I read it, I think.

Right? Have you heard that? What? No. No, of course it didn't fucking happen. I'm on the computer. Get AIDS. AIDS is good.

Hey, just because something's not coming up right now doesn't mean... Yeah, look, I'll hear something once and then I'll cite it like it's true. That's an ongoing problem that I have. I remember someone told me in high school that they found, that scientists found fish on the moon. And it was only until I was 22 where I said that to Peter Jones, who's a comedian we know, that like, oh, yeah, it's like how they,

there's fish on the moon. And he was like, what the fuck are you talking about? There's no fish. Yeah, there's no fish at all. I mean, we don't know because we've never been. That's the greatest naivete of all, is to think that we can know what's on the moon. Hasn't Eve done a tremendous, tremendous job?

It's not done. It's not done? No. It's coming together really nicely. What time is your therapy appointment? What will you be discussing? Into the microphone. I'll be talking about you. I'll be talking about why I allow people to exploit me financially.

No, what am I going to talk about? I'm going to talk about At your therapy session. Say again? At my therapy session. I was just doing a good edit point. going to talk about... At your therapy session. Say again? At my therapy session. I was just doing a good edit point. What will you be doing at your therapy session, Eve? Well, I'm going to have Zoom therapy in this room. I mean, they'll keep this background. Nice.

Because every week I've been moving. I moved a couple times recently. And so she's always like, where are we now? And today, what if I just stayed in front of this and I don't say a word about it and just see what she says. But I'll probably talk about how I still struggled to go to sleep on time because when I was a kid, no one gave me a bedtime and I'm still working that out. And then,

and that means that I stay sick longer. It means that I'm not as funny on stage because I'm tired all the time. Okay. So that's one thing. And then what else i said what should i talk about well here's here's something that i've been thinking about this week that i should communicate yeah as the podcast gets bigger and more regulated and more successful i can see that we may enter into a danger zone where i go from you, like, guy you're helping and it's fun, but ramshackle to seriously

bad employer. Like, if the money gets to a point where this is a proper job, I think I'm going to be a bad boss. The way I'm acting now and, you know, things are a mess. You're finally going to hit me. I knew it. I knew that the day was coming. Eve always wants to be hit.

I just want you to show who you really are. But yes, okay. Eve is a hungry, hungry sub. Literally yesterday, twice. Oh, you're going to hit me? You're going to hit me? You're going to hit me? I said it.

Sometimes it's going to happen. Not from me. But one day you're going to find a man who... So you're saying that you're going to be a bad boss. You think you're like a good boss now? I'm concerned about it. It's like... No, give that,

Blake's got something to say. In what way? Like financially not paying or just demanding? Having money on time. I owe money to people at the moment and money's about to come in, but it's like that has to, I have to get accommodation in Australia is the first thing.

It's like, when will I actually have the money to pay people back? In terms of a salary, when will I be able to do that? Like regular regular hours you know eve's on the clock she's been here for 12 hours trying to get this podcast right and you know that's not fair to eve yeah okay and i i wore i'm i want you to know i'm thinking about it and as the podcast becomes more successful i'm going to attempt to be professional in relation to how successful the podcast is becoming well that's good because what you don't know about me is that um i'm like a little bitch um but not like

a little bitch like i'm your bitch i'm like a like well you'll pay me on time i know you will because i'll just look you in the eye and be like james i'm jewish yeah i'm jewish i want to watch you send me the money right now you're very good at saying you're Jewish yeah but also it's like I'm never gonna not get paid like that's something I'm good at but is getting paid but

yeah I'll push back I'll tell you I appreciate that because I don't push back well in a business environment yeah I know but I coached you about pushing back

on something business wise remember yes you and I didn't do it right but was it but was it but was it good advice of course yeah yeah great business advice yeah Americans tend to yeah but I struggle right I didn't do it. Right, but was it good advice? Of course.

Yeah, yeah. Great business advice. Yeah. I mean, I don't use it. Americans tend to, but I struggle. Right. But I once... Your tactic is if I just ignore it, it'll work out, which is...

It's a great tactic. Yeah, at some point it stops working. If you never see them coming, you never have to hide. Yeah. That's a line from a gay song. Is that Andrew N'Drag? No, that is Perfume Genius's... That's a line from a gay song. Is that Andrew in Drag? No, that is Perfume Genius'

Don't beg, I'm gonna make free How much is your party? That's what he sounds like. Can you sing Andrew in Drag? Which is your son's... My son's favorite song. Why not? It's such a good song. It's a song about watching a man...

It's about a straight man who goes to a drag show that his buddy's doing as a joke and then he finds it really hot and he's like Andrew will never do it again but Andrew in drag

gave me such a throbbing erection it doesn't say that in the song but that's James Added my dog began to wag wag like a little puppy dog for Andrew in drag

and your son's like my tail began to wag oh yeah he does say that wag like a little puppy dog Andrew in drag it's a great song I just wish it wasn And your son's like. My tail began to wag. Oh yeah, he does say that. Like a little puppy dog. Andrew in drag. It's a great song. I just wish it wasn't my son's favorite song.

Magnetic field's so good. But yeah, now I love it. And I just drive around my little Prius going, Andrew in drag. Andrew in drag. He's deaf in one ear

or something. He's got some, he's like the guy who's got all sorts of weird health conditions. Well, he has another song called Epitaph for My Heart. And every time anybody ever breaks up with me, which is like every time I start,

every time I go on a first date, that's the same day. And it's like, gosh, once it's in the beginning, but he goes, let this be an epitaph for my heart. Cupid put too much poison in the dart. And then it just gets like so dark.

We're going to get you on optimistic white lady songs. Get in that dating game. Get it working out. Taylor Swift is your diet. No, I'm not doing Taylor Swift. Why not? Camille Paglia called her a Nazi Barbie. I was Googling this last night.

Don't you worry about it. If Camille Paglia has had a public Barbie. I was Googling this last night. Don't you worry about it. If Camille Paglia has had a public opinion on somebody, I know what it is. What I hate the most is that I'm becoming a Camille Paglia fan because of you. We're going to get her on the pod. We've got to get her on the pod. Andrew in drug.

We're going to get her on the pod. Now, hold on. Blake has to tell very quickly two more anecdotes so that we can cut it to reals. Come on. Blake, any anecdotes? Let me think of another anecdote. What other anecdotes?

Have I told you any stories? Oh, have I told you about... I told you that I'm engaged. Yeah. But did I tell you the story of the proposal? No. I don't know if it's funny, but it's real. So I decided that I wanted to propose to my partner um but because uh she

was coming over a month and a half before i was to america um so i had a whole month and a half to think about it and liz had always well my partner had always said that she never wanted a ring and so i was like all right i'm not getting a ring she doesn't want a ring doesn't like the feel of it doesn't want one yeah and then the day before i was coming over and i knew i was going to propose i panicked and was like i need to get her a ring but if i buy one she'll be mad so i was like ask my friend like hey do you have any rings that I could maybe use to propose? And he gave me three of the ugliest rings ever. And so then cut to where at a restaurant, it's on her birthday, which I didn't know was tacky, but apparently is.

I think that's nice. Someone told me it was super tacky. Wait, the restaurant was tacky or doing it at a restaurant was tacky? No, doing it on the birthday. I waited until my now wife's birthday because I didn't want to propose until she was 21.

Oh, okay. Is that real? That's very funny. I was young too. Yeah, okay. I was like early 30s. I was 45. No, please go on.

So, we get to the restaurant and I was so, were you nervous when you get to the restaurant and I was so... Were you nervous when you proposed? Terrified. I was terrified. I was shaking. I was sweating.

Like I was petrified. And I had a whole... I'd written out on a piece of paper what I wanted to say, which was like... That's hilarious. But I didn't bring it with me to the restaurant. Thank God. That is a bad Q&A audience member. which was like... That's hilarious. But I didn't bring it with me to the restaurant. Thank God.

That is a bad Q&A audience member. I have always thought so highly of you. Yeah. But what I ended up saying was we were sitting down and we'd just gotten like a wine or whatever. And I said, like it was kind of silent for a second. And I was like hey hey dude how do you feel about like getting married and shit that is word for word what i said and liz was like my part whatever was like uh you can say it do you say her name uh well i'm gonna edit it out

no no no it's fine that's fine we know and now. And she was like, are you being for real? And I was like, I'm being 100% serious. And then I pulled out three shitty rings to give to her. And she like could not deal with it. She was like, thought I was doing a bit, thought I was like pranking her. It took me like 30 minutes to convince her that I was actually proposing.

Did she pick the least ugly ring? She said they're all disgusting. She didn't take any of them? She still doesn't have an engagement ring. I think that's fine. Yeah, yeah. I do not like wearing rings. And every day I...

But that's sort of what marriage is. Marriage is wearing a ring that you don't want to wear. It's like, it's good and you should do it. It's cool, you get the ring. But it's like, it's uncomfortable. Does it not fit properly? Shouldn't it fit properly? I mean, yeah, it does, I guess.

We were so poor, we just went to the secondhand ring shop. Yeah. And they were like, hey, a couple died. And check this out. And it basically fit both of our hands properly. What a steal. Yeah. It was like this is a $150 ring.

That's a good price. Yeah, we did all right. It says superb on the inside. and we don't know why. That's insane that you're wearing a ring with someone else's inside joke. Yeah, it's got superb. I one time got my friend's ring stuck on my finger when I was in middle school, and we had to get them sawed off. It was a set of three.

The ring sawed off? Yeah, there's a special ring saw that's non-electric. It's a handheld saw, and I was 12, I think. Did you try using soap? Oh, my God. I went to the nurse. I used cold water. They put butter on my hand.

They took me to the doctor. Now I know that there's other tricks that you can use. Like you wrap string around your finger. Yeah. And then you try to move the ring over the string. But this was a set of three rings. You can also purge. Purge like vomit?

Yeah, just sit in a sweat room and not have any liquids for several days. That's such a good idea. Until your hand withers. I was surprised I didn't try that when I was 12. You put it in the hand shrinking chamber. Yeah, yeah. You should be bulimic. You should basically stop eating.

I'm just saying it's not. I'm going to use the vomit as a lubricant. Hey, it's so great to be here on the James Donald Forbes We Can't Get Around plan. This is going to edit down beautifully into a fantastic half an hour episode. We should give you the room.

Yeah, I got to cry. You got to do therapy. We'll talk tomorrow. We'll talk tomorrow. When will they go from here? When will they stop? I believe that fate has brought us here And we should be together, babe But we're not

I play it off, but I'm dreaming of you And I keep my cool, but I'm fiending I try to say goodbye, but I'm feeling it I try to say goodbye and I change Try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide it, it's clear My world crumbles when you are not there Goodbye and I change Try to walk away and I stumble

Though I try to hide it, it's clear My world crumbles when you are not near I may appear to be free But I'm just a prisoner Of your love And I may seem alright And smile when you leave Of your love And I may seem alright And smile when you leave

But my smiles are just a frown When I'm broke, I'm like the world's last name I play it off but I'm dreaming of you And I keep my cool but I'm free I try to say goodbye and I joke try to walk away I stumble

though I try to hide and stare my world covers when you are not there I cry and I joke try to walk away and I stumble Though I try to hide and stare My white boy looks when you are not there

Here is my confession May I be your possession Boy, I need your touch Your love kisses and such With all my blood I drown But this I can't deny

I play off but I'm dreaming of you And I keep my cool but I'm dreaming of you. I keep my cool, but I'm feeling. I try to say goodbye, and I try, try, try to walk away. And I stumble, I try to hide it. It's clear that my way moves when you are not there. It's clear that my work way much where you are not now I am an actual punk, trying to work away

And I stumble, the way I try to hide it It's clear that my work way much where you are not now Acast powers the world's best podcasts. Here's a show that we recommend. I'm Jessie Kirkshank, and on my podcast, Phone a Friend, I break down the biggest stories in pop culture, but when I have questions, I get to phone a friend. I phone my old friend, Dan Levy. You will not die hosting the Hills after show.

I get thirsty for the hot wiggle. I didn't even know a thirsty man until there was all these headlines. And I get schooled by a tween. Facebook is like a no. That's what my grandma's on. Thank God Phone a Friend with Jesse Crookshank is not available on Facebook. It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. with Jesse Cruikshank is not available on Facebook.

It's out now wherever you get your podcasts. Acast helps creators launch, grow, and monetize their podcasts everywhere. Acast.com.